- 6/21/2025
#CinemaJourney
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00:00Kia ora, te na koutou katoa, you are looking divine, I like what you've done with your hair.
00:17My name is Jeremy Corbett, tonight I'll be like an underpaid substitute teacher trying
00:21to educate these unruly overhorned comedians about news in a classroom I like to call seven
00:26days. Let's meet our pupils, shall we? Leading team one is the guy from every craft beer label
00:31that has a guy on it, it's Rhys Mathewson. So Holland, Jeremy, great to see you. Great
00:37to see you, craft beer guy. We've got a great team one for you this evening. Looking at them,
00:42it's hard to tell which one's the lonely child and which one's the imaginary friend, it's
00:45Emma Holland and Ray O'Leary. And the leader of team two is Rhys Mathewson in ten years,
00:54it's Ben Hurley. What a ten years it's been though, Jeremy. I've been bathing in milk.
01:02I've got a great team on team two tonight. They're both comedians that have come from
01:08Christchurch up to the big smoke, which is also what they'll be doing after the show.
01:12Well, is that ringing in your ears incurable tinnitus or our first game called The Sound
01:22of Music? Yes, it is. I will now channel my inner radio DJ and play some tunes from the
01:2680s, 90s of today that relate to some of the biggest stories from the week. Team one, use
01:30your tauranga to decode this, please.
01:48Well, that's definitely Corby's music, because nothing was from this side of the millennium.
01:52Yeah, man. Think I know what this is. Do you guys have any ideas? Um... No. This is a survey
02:03came out saying that young people are the unhappiest of all age groups. Yeah, well done, Rhys. Out
02:09of all the ages in life, the ages 18 to 24 are the hardest to be right now. This is according
02:14to the results of the Global Flourishing Study. 18 to 24-year-olds are reporting the lowest levels
02:20of any age group when it comes to happiness, health, purpose, relationships and financial
02:24security.
02:28Well, I hear the younger generation are so unhappy, and in part it's because they don't socialise
02:35as much, and that is true, because every 18-year-old I've tried to speak to is not interested
02:40in me, so...
02:4218's high for you, too, isn't it?
02:46I would like to deny the allegations that they've been doing.
02:50Yeah, what happened to conscription? Let's bring conscription back, you know? We did
02:53it to all those men in the 40s, and they turned out fine. Didn't they, yeah?
02:57Yeah, all jokes aside, like, it must be pretty worrying if you're young, because you will
03:01never own a house. But I would give that all up to drink and not be hungover.
03:06Yeah, that's right. That's what you've got going for here, youth. That's what we would
03:10all trade everything we've got for, youth.
03:12And it's when you're the hottest as well. Oh, yeah.
03:15Everyone's sexy under the age of 24, now look at us.
03:18Speak for yourself.
03:20Well, the good thing is that somehow biologically, when you're 24, you don't think that. Because
03:25imagine if they knew it.
03:26Oh! The low self-esteem, that's how you got your second wife.
03:30Yeah, well, so they're saying 18-year-olds are unhappy because, what, they've got no money,
03:38they've got no houses, no meaning, no purpose. I mean, on the plus side, I've just found out
03:43I'm 18 years old, so that's not fair.
03:46You look awful.
03:47All right, team two, are you ready?
03:52Sure.
03:53All right, here's some music for you.
03:55I want to get away, I will fly.
04:01The greatest, they'll hang us in the loof.
04:05Down the back, but who cares, still the loof.
04:08Just turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore.
04:13Okay, what have we got there? Got some Lorde in the middle.
04:17Yeah.
04:18Hang me in the loof.
04:19I feel like that's my last break-up playlist.
04:22I will survive? Yeah, I do, that's a break-up song.
04:25Absolutely, and what will we have at the start?
04:27Lenny Kravitz at the top.
04:28Oh, Lenny Kravitz, I want to get away, I want to fly, everything's go away.
04:32Going away somewhere, travelling.
04:34Oh yeah, tourism.
04:36Visiting a museum.
04:37The Louvre.
04:38The Louvre.
04:39France.
04:40There was a protest at the Louvre.
04:41Was it all the people going, can we have our shit back please?
04:48Jeremy, they're going to have a big sale at the Louvre.
04:54Everything's half price.
04:56Not even close.
04:57No, Europe's had enough of tourists.
04:59The Louvre and Paris closed due to striking stuff.
05:02And there have been mass protests in hotspots like Mallorca, Venice and Lisbon.
05:06Saying the economic model of tourism displaces locals and erodes city life.
05:10And they're pretty upset about it.
05:11Although, I'd say the French have been rude to tourists in France for years.
05:16And they certainly were when I was there.
05:18Although, to be fair, I was trying to get everyone in France to teach me how to do their kissing.
05:23So, probably not the best foot to get off on.
05:26But also, I heard, I mean, to be fair, I've heard that the tourism has like, devastated,
05:30you know, some of these countries.
05:31Like, look at Rome's tourist attractions, all in ruins.
05:34Yeah.
05:35They still want tourists, but there are just too many.
05:38I think the Louvre gets through like 8.7 million people a year, and it's just too much.
05:43They should try the Invercargill method of having uglier buildings and shit food.
05:47There we go.
05:48Is this how France don't want tourists?
05:50Then why are they always so kind and helpful?
05:54They were chanting at people like, tourists go home, tourists go home.
05:58I don't think they understand how a holiday works.
06:01Tourists are like, yeah, we plan to next week.
06:03We are doing our bit in New Zealand to stop this, though.
06:06We're making the cost of living here so high, no one can afford to go on holiday.
06:10Well, here's a little tip for you.
06:12If you go to Australia by boat, they take you on a wonderful long island holiday for free.
06:18I've heard it sounds great, it's called Christmas Island.
06:21Yeah, every day is Christmas.
06:24This is a vibe where the local people are sick of being, like, infiltrated by heaps of tourists, right?
06:29I believe so, yeah.
06:30I wonder if that ever happens at Owakuni where they're like, this is it, we've got to shut the carrot.
06:34I feel bad for Europeans, you know?
06:39Can you imagine people from overseas coming into your country and acting like it's theirs?
06:43Terrible stuff.
06:44I actually did hear that they had to shut the Louvre because too many people were coming to visit the Mona Lisa.
06:52And in response, all she had to say was...
06:56Maybe she should smile more.
06:59I tell you what, I've actually, I've been to the Louvre, I've seen the Mona Lisa, and let me tell you...
07:03Not that hot!
07:05Not that hot!
07:06Not that hot!
07:07Now the Venus to Milo, wah-wah-wee-wah!
07:11Gotta get rid of those arms to make way for those tits, am I right?
07:17All right, now unlike those woke parents at school these days, I think games are better when there's a winner and a loser.
07:22Plus it makes me feel like a big man to do it.
07:24Let's hand out some points, shall we?
07:26Team one, here's a bit of an Aussie one, you can have 44.
07:29You probably know this, Emma, the percentage of Australians who voted for Chris Luxon as the world's most trusted leader in a new poll.
07:36Not even Albo.
07:37They voted for our Prime Minister ahead of their own.
07:39Team two, you can have 25, that's how many patients Auckland Hospital accidentally diagnosed with an STI in the last three weeks.
07:47I read the article.
07:48Apparently six of them still don't know it was a mistake.
07:54Which means the star goes to team one, well done!
07:58As you probably know, if you watch the show regularly, the team with the most stars at show's end will leave the studio with a very small appearance fee.
08:03And this, our winning prize for tonight.
08:07Yes, with the sad news of the Louvre closing, I took it upon myself to salvage what I could from it.
08:11So tonight you are playing for this magnificent piece of priceless art plucked from the wall of that museum.
08:17You could sell it and retire.
08:19Perhaps you'd prefer to hang it on your bedroom ceiling.
08:21Your choice.
08:22Alright.
08:23Time now to lay a trail of road cones from the halls of power directly to the Seven Days studio.
08:27See who turns up for a game of yes, Minister.
08:30Well this week we are joined by the man waging war on those road cones.
08:33Please welcome the Mayor of Auckland, His Worship, Wayne Brown.
08:40Right on, Wayne.
08:42I see you've brought your own agenda.
08:43Oh, this is not just any rocket.
08:46Oh.
08:47This is a rocket lab road cone given to me by Peter Beck.
08:52Brilliant.
08:53Alright, park your chair in there, behind the road cone, you're allowed to move that.
08:56Well this has got to set up the right place for me to put it.
08:59Plus, this is our entry to the space thing.
09:03See, it looks, it kind of got the look about it.
09:06Yeah, it does.
09:07The other thing is, face the camera.
09:10Well where is it?
09:11We've got several out there.
09:14Can we shuffle the cone to the side, just to the side so your chair can go there?
09:18Or we can just sit on the cone.
09:20Wayne, welcome to the show, your job to answer the questions from these people without saying
09:27yes or no.
09:28Do you sort of get that?
09:29Who are they?
09:31I'll give you a trial run.
09:32You are not a fan of cones, correct?
09:35That is true.
09:36That is true, yes.
09:37But you don't mind the rocket lab one.
09:38That's very, I like that.
09:40Your worship over question.
09:41Well he's a special guy and it was a special thing.
09:44Yeah, face that way.
09:45Yeah, yeah, you got it, you got it.
09:46Your worship over question.
09:47Your worship over question.
09:48You're very anti-road cones, you think there are too many of them, but you did.
09:51I did some research on you, you spent some time up north, right?
09:54So you must occasionally like a bit of a cone.
10:00I'm from Northland.
10:02There you are.
10:04At least you have something to talk to Chloe Swarbrick about, right?
10:08We like a beer.
10:09Do you?
10:10You and Chloe?
10:11We occasionally meet for a beer.
10:12We enjoy some liberal views on some parts of society, but I don't come anywhere near understanding
10:21your economics.
10:24Mr Mayor, you had a huge success with the pool, the seawater pool down in Auckland Viaduct.
10:30When you go for a swim there, is it called a cold brown?
10:32Well, the cool part about it is when there's some computer that says it's not safe, but
10:42if you look in there's little fish swimming around, and I think they're quite a good guide
10:45as to whether the water's safe or not.
10:47And so I dive in and frighten a few fish, and some old ladies watching.
10:51But I enjoy it.
10:52It's a wonderful thing to have that.
10:54And that pool is open and free, and it only costs $200,000, and some people, and some
10:59of my councillors wanted to have one out and one sober in Auckland for only $75 million.
11:05Oh.
11:06And I'm thinking, I can give you free wetsuits, and you can go out there and swim with that
11:10a lot less.
11:11That's great.
11:12I like the water.
11:13And is that your next election promise?
11:15Mr Mayor, I live in Epsom, and I don't know if you know, but a lot of the residents
11:20there are dealing with a pretty serious rat problem.
11:23So I was wondering...
11:24Rat's problem?
11:25Yeah, a rat problem.
11:26A rat's problem.
11:27Oh, okay.
11:28Rap is okay, you know.
11:29Yeah, rap, we love rap.
11:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:31I'll bring Ken Capici, my mate, through there, and we'll fix the rap problem.
11:34Yeah, so I was wondering, we had this serious rap problem, and I was wondering if you could
11:38do anything to help us get rid of David Seymour?
11:44I was hoping that someone might find a political version of a Pied Piper, and they could whistle
11:50and they'd all follow him out.
11:52Oh, yeah.
11:53Into the pool.
11:54Yeah.
11:55Into the pool.
11:56On one of those days when the computer says, don't go there.
11:59Yeah.
12:00You're not a big fan of appearing in the media.
12:03Are you here because you've put your hand up for re-election in October?
12:06Is that sort of part of the deal?
12:07Put your face out there?
12:09Get some popularity?
12:10No, I'm taking it.
12:11I'm working against the advice of everybody I know.
12:16Really?
12:20I love that.
12:22Especially my wife.
12:23Did King Capici tell you not to come on the show?
12:26No, King's actually, he's quite happy to have me doing things that people wouldn't expect
12:33me to do, like playing the banjo and things like that.
12:37I reckon people expect you can play the banjo.
12:41I play it badly though, you don't realise.
12:44I'm still interested in finishing that thought.
12:46So a lot of people said don't, like don't come on seven days, but you've done it regardless.
12:50I appreciate that you have.
12:52It's great.
12:53Well, everyone here has a fault.
12:57Listen here, unfortunately all my granddads are dead.
13:02Are you in the market for any more grandkids?
13:06I have a follow-up question to that.
13:09Unfortunately all my granddads are dead.
13:13Yeah, let's go.
13:14Look at him, are you a replacement granddad for the Australian lady?
13:20No, we're dating.
13:23It's going so badly.
13:39That's good.
13:40That's good.
13:41Mr Mayor.
13:42No, you've got my vote.
13:45Well, speaking of votes, you worship at the last election, you won with 45% of the vote
13:50on 35% voter turnout.
13:52How does it feel to have the unwavering support of 16% of Auckland?
13:57You should ask those other politicians who get into parliament for 20,000 votes
14:01and I got in there for 160,000 votes, which is four and a half Eden Pucks,
14:05which is more than some of those party scots.
14:07You should ask them how they feel.
14:09Yeah!
14:10Ask them, Rhys.
14:13Mr Mayor, you were criticised for going to play tennis during the Auckland floods.
14:18Were you simply following Lord's advice to just go down to the tennis court and talk it out like,
14:22yeah, yeah?
14:24Lord's a singer.
14:25Well, that's a whole unfair nonsense really, to be quite honest.
14:34The next day, I've got to tell you this, I rented a helicopter at my expense to fly around and have a look.
14:41The current Prime Minister, who's been the Prime Minister for about five days, arrived in a crappy-looking helicopter
14:46and landed beside the nice one we were in.
14:48Oh my God, embarrassing!
14:50And we got in a van to go to the street that was badly flooded.
14:56And I didn't know where we were going to go to that.
14:59And the door opened and there was five TV cameras there and I got out
15:03and nobody had any idea who I was, which is great.
15:06And I walked off and then they flooded around this little Prime Minister who'd been a Prime Minister for five days.
15:10And we walked up the street and I bumped into a big tall guy and he said he was shooting himself as the head of the Auckland Police.
15:17And he said, you know what's going to happen?
15:19The media are going to say you're not here.
15:22And they did.
15:23And I was three paces behind the Prime Minister.
15:25And so they were there to prove that they were drongos.
15:29Oh!
15:30Oh my God, it was still going on!
15:33Mr Brown, your stories take so long, I'm now the age demographic that would vote for you.
15:38And you'd now be able to get them.
15:42Look, I'll chat to one and I'll make them feel comfortable.
15:45Did your CV go up or down?
15:48My CV is my curriculum vitae.
15:52Yeah, true, okay.
15:53Well, RV then.
15:54Or TV, you.
15:56I've got several, I haven't checked them all to be quite honest.
15:59Oh, good Lord.
16:01What's that like?
16:03How many you got?
16:06Are you able to say?
16:07More than the Prime Minister put it that way.
16:10Well, you are a property developer, so that does it to me.
16:14Wayne, I can't believe I'm saying this.
16:16If you give me a house right now, I will suck your dick.
16:18Oh my God.
16:19Oh my God.
16:20Oh.
16:21Who won't even look at you?
16:23I apologise, Mr. Mayor, I apologise.
16:24I apologise, Mr. Mayor, I apologise.
16:25I do have a correction centre where I'm working to put you up.
16:26A what centre?
16:27A correction centre.
16:28A correction centre.
16:29A correction centre.
16:30Oh, okay.
16:31Sorry.
16:32That's actually true.
16:33You own one, don't you?
16:34Yeah.
16:35Oh.
16:36It's one of its properties.
16:37You own it?
16:38Oh shit.
16:39You own a jail?
16:40That's quite hot.
16:41Oh my God.
16:42Oh my God.
16:43Oh my God.
16:44Oh.
16:45He won't even look at you.
16:46I apologise, Mr. Mayor, I apologise.
16:47I do have a correction centre where I'm working to put you up.
16:50A what centre?
16:51A correction centre.
16:52A correction centre.
16:53Oh, okay, sorry.
16:54That's actually true.
16:55You own one, don't you?
16:56Yeah.
16:57Oh.
16:58It's one of its properties.
16:59You own it?
17:00Oh shit.
17:01You own a jail?
17:02That's quite hot.
17:03It's a correct...
17:04It's a corrections centre.
17:05That's a jail!
17:06Uh...
17:07You don't correct sufficiently.
17:08Uh, Wayne's World, you've had some very public spats with Auckland Transport.
17:21When you get off the bus, do you say, thanks driver?
17:23Yes, I do.
17:24Oh!
17:25That was a great yes minister.
17:29Give it up for Wayne Brown.
17:36Thank you Wayne and congratulations.
17:38The star goes for team one.
17:46Alright, I need another break.
17:50I'm dying to see what the Briscoes lady is up to.
17:52ladies up to. When we come back, we'll put on
17:54our sunglasses so we can perv at some hot jokes.
17:57It's Club Topicana next
17:58on Seven Days.
18:11Hello and welcome back
18:12to Seven Days. I hope you have
18:14preened, you've plucked and you've pruned because
18:16it's time to don our silliest swimwear and head to the
18:18Riviera of Riffs for Club
18:20Topicana. Strike up the steel drum.
18:22Thanks.
18:33Club Topicana is
18:34brought to you as per by Dull Pineapples
18:36and remember, without pineapples, a
18:38pina colada is just a sad man drinking rum
18:40and coconut cream in his car.
18:43Now in front of me, I
18:44have a pineapple I have hollered out and filled with a selection
18:46of sweet stories from this week's news that
18:48I'd like to hear a little more about, so let's crack into
18:50it. Alright, story one, the West Coast mansion
18:52that movie star Brad Pitt stayed in while
18:54filming in New Zealand recently is up for sale
18:56and you could live there providing
18:58you have, I don't know, a spare $15 million
19:00or so. All this talk of living with
19:02Brad Pitt got me thinking though, what would it be like
19:05living with an actor
19:06The Pleas teams?
19:09And that's a wrap, and
19:11that's a wrap, and that's a panini.
19:12I've got lunch for everyone.
19:18Yeah, I know I said I would
19:20pay the rent this week, but
19:22to be continued
19:24do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
19:28is it you or is it me
19:29maybe I'd be nice to see you
19:31No, I will unload the dishwasher
19:38but
19:39what's my motivation?
19:41Sorry, I just thought you'd want me in here
19:51because I'm trained as an intimacy coordinator
19:53Yuck, Ray
20:02Yes, honey, yes, I got the brake cables fixed on the car
20:10Okay, so for this one
20:18imagine that they've just
20:19they're coming back in from putting the bins out
20:21Okay
20:21Back to the pineapple we go
20:36for our next story
20:37An audit this week showed
20:40nearly 50% of police college applicants
20:42who needed to be assessed on English literacy
20:45failed the test
20:46but were allowed to start training anyway
20:47Doesn't sound good
20:49but it does sound a little bit funny
20:50So I want to see some more examples
20:52of terrible first responders
20:54Hey babe, just wondering
20:57do we need anything at home?
20:58I'm just at New World
21:00and
21:00Yeah, a lot of the stuff's free
21:05Okay, I've got a CPR
21:10What are these that count?
21:11That's right
21:12Staying alive
21:13Staying alive
21:14Staying alive
21:15Well, I can't tell by the wig
21:17You know, me and the other police were talking
21:28and we reckon you're too pussy to kill a hostage
21:30Yeah, the patient's drunk an entire bottle of vodka
21:39so it looks like alcohol poisoning
21:41So, um
21:42I think we need a three-piece quarter pack
21:45and a blue powder
21:46Yeah, no, step back, step back
21:52I'm a firefighter
21:53I've got this fire under control
21:54Alright
21:54Let's go, bitch
21:56Your police officer is arriving
22:07He just has two deliveries along the way
22:09Okay, I feel a weak pulse
22:20Nah, just joking, she's dead
22:22Hello
22:22Bye, dude, I'm so sick
22:27Love that, enjoyed that
22:32There's time for more, though
22:33Back to the pineapple we go
22:35Due to declining demand
22:36Sanitarium has discontinued
22:38making several of its cereal lines
22:39including Honey Puffs
22:40Wheaties
22:41and Light and Tasty
22:42I apologise if you're just finding this out now
22:44These supermarket staples
22:45have been in our lives for decades
22:47It got me feeling a bit nostalgic
22:48So I want to hear examples
22:50of breakfast table chat
22:52from the 80s and 90s, please
22:54Son, why do you have to be such a sissy?
22:58Why can't you be a man's man
22:59like Freddie Mercury or George Michael?
23:09I'm just still in a good mood
23:10from my favourite TV show last night
23:12Doesn't Bill Cosby seem like a cool dad?
23:20Okay, kids, sit down
23:21Your dad's cooked breakfast this morning
23:23What's that, Charles?
23:34Diana is leaving you
23:35Well, we'll see about there
23:37Well, lovely breakfast
23:45Better get to work
23:46Got to work hard
23:47Save up that money
23:48to buy an entire house
23:50for $12,000
23:51They were good times
23:55Oh, man, that Jeremy Corbett
23:59from More of M
23:59must be retiring soon
24:01Wow, I love 1995
24:10and our marriage couldn't be going worse
24:12Let's root and call the baby Emma
24:13Well, that's probably the end
24:24of young Winston and Peter's career
24:25Alright, back to the pineapple
24:31for our final story
24:32Great stuff
24:33Enjoying this
24:33Christopher Luxon
24:34is in China this week
24:36which means
24:36Yes, the newly appointed
24:38Deputy Prime Minister
24:39David Seymour is
24:40right now
24:41technically
24:41the acting Prime Minister
24:43of New Zealand
24:44Pretty big job
24:45Must be a pretty big first day
24:47I'd imagine
24:47So let's see it
24:48Teams
24:49I want you to show me
24:50what it's like
24:50on the first day
24:52as Prime Minister
24:53Ooh, what does this button do?
24:57Oh, burns down a new world
24:58LAUGHTER
24:59APPLAUSE
25:01OK, guys
25:09I know I'm not
25:09your normal Prime Minister
25:10so we're just going to
25:11put a movie on
25:12and wait until he gets there
25:13LAUGHTER
25:14LAUGHTER
25:15LAUGHTER
25:16APPLAUSE
25:18Ow!
25:21Ow!
25:23Ow!
25:24I didn't realise
25:25there'd be actual bees in here
25:27LAUGHTER
25:28LAUGHTER
25:29LAUGHTER
25:30Hey, so excited
25:33to bring you on
25:34as my new press secretary
25:35Hey, just checking
25:35you're not a pervert, yeah?
25:36LAUGHTER
25:37LAUGHTER
25:38LAUGHTER
25:39LAUGHTER
25:40LAUGHTER
25:41LAUGHTER
25:42Only that asked
25:43What?
25:45Oh, my first day
25:46as pretend Prime Minister
25:47I'm going to rename wins
25:49as...
25:50twerking income
25:50LAUGHTER
25:51LAUGHTER
25:52LAUGHTER
25:53LAUGHTER
25:54Jazzy, it's in the hips
25:56not the shoulders
25:56Shut up
25:57LAUGHTER
26:00LAUGHTER
26:01All right, it's just
26:02King Charles on line one
26:03congratulating me for winning
26:04just...
26:05Good morning, Your Majesty
26:06Good morning, Your Majesty
26:07What?
26:09LAUGHTER
26:10LAUGHTER
26:11LAUGHTER
26:12APPLAUSE
26:13All right...
26:14We've had fun on the water, teams
26:16but do what you order
26:17and what you order do
26:18is get off the beach
26:19we're done with that round
26:20Play the steel drums
26:21Well, that round of Club Topicana will live an in for me
26:35especially after I hand out these points
26:37Team 1, you can have the projected cost of holding another census
26:40400 million dollars
26:42which is why we won't be doing it anymore
26:43Oh...
26:44No more census...
26:46LAUGHTER
26:47And Team 2, you can have 2
26:48which is for 2%
26:49and that's how much our population of our national bird, the kiwi, goes down every year
26:53and you can't be a kiwi if we don't have kiwi birds
26:56If you want a predator-free 2025
26:58then you need to go to callyourselfakiwi.nz
27:01Make a donation
27:02and save our national bird
27:04Congratulations
27:05Team 1, you...
27:06APPLAUSE
27:08Bit of a downer
27:10Bit of a downer, yeah
27:11All right, it's time for a break on 7 days
27:13which is a little gap between the show
27:15We'll be back shortly though
27:16with a round of Guest 2
27:17See you then
27:18APPLAUSE
27:20Well, well, well
27:30Look who came calling back
27:32Me
27:33This is 7 days
27:34Now time to bring a living, breathing person out onto the stage
27:37who has made their mark in the week's news
27:39We'll honour them the only way we know how
27:41by putting a bag over their head and laughing at them
27:43while they have no idea what is going on
27:44May I please get a large-scale round of applause to welcome our Guest 2 guest
27:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:53OK, here we go
27:54Keep going straight forward
27:553, 2, 1
27:56Boom
27:57Stop right now
27:58You can say yes or no
27:59You can ask yes or no questions, teams
28:01And of course you get a no
28:02It goes to the other team
28:03Team 1, you can begin
28:04Are you an Indonesian volcano?
28:07No
28:09That is a no
28:10Team 2
28:11We do need to narrow it down
28:12And normally I start with
28:13Are you from the North Island or South Island?
28:15OK
28:16But I think that's fairly obvious
28:17Have you got something to do with sports?
28:26Yes
28:27Oh
28:28Yes
28:29We get another go
28:30We do
28:31You take it, Captain
28:32Something to do with sport
28:34Are you good at sport?
28:36No
28:37No
28:38No
28:39No
28:40No
28:41No
28:42No
28:43No
28:44No
28:45You're right Emma
28:46I'm so sorry
28:47And I'm going to be an ally
28:48And I'm going to use my platform
28:49To let a woman speak
28:50And I'm going to use my platform to let a woman speak
28:55Um
28:56Oh come on stupid
28:58Are you a coach of a sport?
29:06No
29:07No, not coach
29:08Stupid question
29:09Yeah
29:10Even though he says he's not good
29:11He might be
29:12I think he's being silly
29:13Think?
29:14Oh, okay
29:15Are you a player?
29:16Yes
29:17Yes
29:18Okay
29:19Do you play with an oval ball?
29:20Yes
29:21Oh
29:22Wait, is that rugby shape?
29:23Is that rugby?
29:24Or rugby league?
29:25You don't have to know sport
29:27Everyone forgets about Egan's sport
29:29It's true
29:30Okay
29:31I'm not asking
29:32Are you like a local club rugby player?
29:35Yes
29:36Yes
29:37Oh my god
29:38I think I might know what this is
29:39Go be
29:40Actually
29:41Did you fake an injury while playing rugby
29:44And your girlfriend's the physio on the team
29:47And then she came out and you proposed to her?
29:50Yes
29:51This is Jay Young welcome to the show
29:56Oh
29:57He did exactly that
29:58You faked the injury
30:00Yes
30:01Is your fiancee here?
30:02Yes she is
30:03Come on out Estelle
30:05Yes she is
30:06Alright
30:08Stand right next to you
30:10Stand right next to Jay
30:11There you go
30:12That's perfect
30:13You guys are even wearing the team colours
30:15That's so cute
30:16It wasn't planned believe it or not
30:18What team was playing what team?
30:20What team was resisting Ashley
30:22Oh hell yeah
30:23How's the season going?
30:24Yeah
30:25We won last week
30:26How many losses?
30:27I don't know
30:28I don't know
30:31What about this particular game where you faked the injury?
30:34I don't think you won that one
30:35No definitely not
30:36But you did
30:37You did get a try though?
30:38Oh yeah
30:39Oh congratulations
30:40He didn't just get a try he got a succeed
30:41That's right
30:43Who um
30:48Who wants to see it?
30:49We've got a video of it
30:50Do you want to see it?
30:51Alright
30:52Let's have a look
30:53You do know you don't also have to kneel right?
31:16Yeah
31:17Yeah
31:18Honestly she was like so
31:19She was like um
31:20So put on the spot
31:21That when she got down and knelt
31:23She's shaking her head at me like this
31:24Yeah
31:25I was like no you're supposed to go like this
31:27Who's the guy in the red jacket?
31:29He's the waterboy
31:30He rung out the ring for me
31:31Was he in on it?
31:32Yeah
31:33So how long was this in the planning?
31:35Quite a while
31:36But I didn't tell anyone
31:37He was the only one that knew
31:38Wow
31:39Fantastic
31:40How did you guys meet?
31:41I was her personal trainer
31:43Hell yeah
31:47And now I enjoy the fruits of my labour
31:54You're not married yet
31:55You can still screw it up in here mate
31:59And on the wedding night
32:00Do you think you'll visit his wood end?
32:04Answer it
32:08If you were going to say no
32:10Would you have just kind of gently put him into the recovery position?
32:15And Jay be honest
32:16Is this the first time you've faked an injury on the rugby field?
32:20In that game, no
32:23Not even in that game?
32:25No, I've never faked an injury
32:26But that game I had to fake two
32:27Because I was supposed to propose and then come off the field
32:33To celebrate with her
32:34And then I looked at my coach like this
32:37And he says
32:38Nah, 80 minutes
32:41I was like
32:43So you faked a second injury
32:44So I faked a second injury to get off
32:47Did this come out of the blue?
32:48Or did you have an inkling?
32:49Yes
32:50Oh really?
32:51I was completely shocked
32:52Hence why I fell to the ground
32:53Like it was just any other normal Saturday getting ready for rugby
32:56And I really thought I knew when he was going to ask me
32:58I thought he'd be like
32:59Oh, let's go for a walk or something
33:01Or I'd just know
33:02You've got to give me more credit then
33:03Yeah
33:04Was the ring the right size?
33:10Because when I pushed her to my wife I had to like wait until she was like passed out from a nut on the piss
33:15With the ring off her finger in the middle of the nut and trace it
33:20How'd you go for it?
33:21I hate that you ask that
33:23Nah, so she went out with her girls one night and I grabbed the ring that I know she always wears
33:27And I measured it all goods
33:28But it's the ring that she wears on her index finger
33:30So nah, it is a little bit big but
33:32That's beautiful
33:33Look at the spark
33:34Holy shit!
33:35Look at that rock!
33:36What do they pay you?
33:39Yeah, for winning division 2!
33:42And what's the plan for the wedding?
33:43Do you have an MC?
33:44Because I'm
33:46He'll give me a discount rate
33:48Yeah, it's still pretty expensive
33:52Nah, but when's the wedding?
33:54Do we have a date?
33:55No
33:56Nah, we don't have a date
33:57Yeah, we're working on it
33:58That's the politest way to turn you down
34:02Alright, give it up for Jay and Estelle
34:06Thank you very much
34:07You are dismissed
34:08Thank you so much
34:09Congratulations
34:11Congratulations
34:12The star goes to Team 2
34:13And Ben
34:14That was touching
34:15If you'd like to touch a brand new guitar
34:17Then boy
34:18Do I have some good news for you
34:20This is from Studio One Vintage Guitars
34:22Firstly, congratulations to Michael Shaw from the Manawatu
34:24Who won the Billy Strings Martin guitar last week
34:26So much fun
34:27We're doing it all again
34:28Yes, you could win
34:29This Fender Stratocaster
34:31As I like to say
34:32Fender Strat
34:33Because I'm in the music
34:36This thing
34:37Valued at nearly $3,000
34:39It's from Studio One Vintage Guitars
34:40Just go to our Facebook page to enter
34:42So go look at that
34:43We'll be back in a minute to look back
34:44The past
34:45With a game of history on 7 days
34:58Welcome back to 7 days
35:00I recently found out the earth is 4.543 billion years old
35:04Which means in that time a lot of news has happened
35:07So we're going to meet a character from one of those billions of years
35:09With a game of history
35:10Teams, take a look at this
35:12Here we come and we are sailing
35:13Here we come we're on our way
35:15In a boat just called New Zealand
35:18Here we come we're on our way
35:22In a boat just called New Zealand
35:25Here we come we're on our way
35:28In a boat just called New Zealand
35:30We're together that's our way
35:43In a boat just called New Zealand
35:45We're together that's our way
35:50Sailing our way
35:55Sailing our way
35:59New Zealand can't do it
36:05Take it away
36:09Yeah, wow.
36:13That is from 1986, the song Sailing Away,
36:17which celebrated the America's Cup, of course.
36:18It went to number one in the Kiwi charts.
36:19In studio, we have that brilliant voice, Michelle Sadgrove,
36:23who sang Pōkāra Kariana so beautifully at the start of that song.
36:26Teams, you need to work out which one she is.
36:29Who is our singer?
36:30To mix it up, we've also thrown in a chef, a flight attendant
36:33and a Zumba instructor.
36:35You're allowed to talk to the line-up.
36:36They cannot reply.
36:37They're not mic'd up.
36:38Team two, you can have first go at this.
36:41Zumba instructor.
36:43OK, everyone wiggle your hips.
36:47Oh, that's got to be number one, I reckon.
36:50Actually, I can picture number two with a little badge
36:53and a purpley dress, fanging out chips and shit.
36:56Oh, let's watch, let's watch, see if they flinch, right?
37:00I've just left, there's a spare seat next to me
37:02and I've just put my jumper on there.
37:05And we're about to take off.
37:06A jumper that's not going to hurt anybody, is that?
37:11Ben, this is not the time to exercise your demons.
37:14Oh, I'm in the exit row and I'm not listening.
37:20Number two, number two.
37:22Yeah, number two's not happy.
37:23Number two.
37:25Not happy.
37:26I reckon number two might be the flight attendant.
37:28Yes, I'd go with that.
37:29Yeah, I think number one, Zumba instructor.
37:32Number two, flight attendant.
37:33Flight attendant.
37:34We've got a chef and the elf singer.
37:36I think number four looks like
37:38she's just about to absolutely smash the national anthem.
37:43Like, yeah, look at it.
37:43She's eyes straight ahead.
37:45She's ready.
37:45She's going to go for it.
37:47I reckon number three looks like
37:48she'd like cooking for the people.
37:50I reckon that's us.
37:52Oh, so if you've ever seen that whole video
37:54of the sailing away, do you remember it, Juz?
37:56I do remember the video.
37:58Yeah, yeah.
37:58There's a bit in it where Barry Crump comes in
38:00and sings and he absolutely ruins it.
38:03He's going, we are red and we are sailing.
38:07And look at number four.
38:08She's cringing.
38:09She's traumatised.
38:10She is traumatised.
38:11It's so four.
38:12It's so four.
38:13That's it.
38:13Do it, Ben.
38:13We're number four.
38:14All right, run down the line for me, Ben.
38:15Number four is our singer.
38:16Number three is our chef.
38:19Number two is our flight attendant
38:20slash fascist dictator.
38:25And number one is our Zumba instructor.
38:28Yep.
38:28Apologies to any flight attendant
38:29that have been on their flight.
38:31All right, team one, over to you.
38:34What do you think?
38:34They've gone for number four.
38:35You can say number four as well if you want.
38:37I liked the clip they played.
38:39It reminded me of the national anthem
38:40because there was one person singing for the Māori part,
38:43but as soon as the words heard in English,
38:45all these people came out.
38:49I did notice,
38:50I don't know if you can say brands on this show,
38:52but I did notice that there is a brand label
38:54on number two's leggings
38:55that could potentially sync up
38:58with being a Zumba instructor.
38:59Like, it's a notable brand
39:00in the fitness community.
39:02You can say it.
39:02Lorna Jane!
39:05Which, I mean,
39:06trying to figure out the flight attendant,
39:07which of them looks like
39:08they'd selfishly put on their own oxygen mask
39:11before assisting them?
39:13Three!
39:15Three, three.
39:16Yeah.
39:16Three looks like they've just come from Jetstar, actually.
39:20Yeah, okay, three's our flight attendant.
39:22We'll lock that in.
39:23I feel like someone who's good at singing
39:24wouldn't be able to handle
39:25listening to, like, bad music.
39:27Can you just do a little tune?
39:29Can you just sing something?
39:30Po-ca-di-ca-di-ah!
39:33Oh, it's definitely four!
39:36It's definitely four!
39:38Number four's got her hair up in a bun
39:39like it's ready to be pulled by a rat,
39:41so I think she could be the chef.
39:42I think four is our singer.
39:49Four's the singer.
39:50Number two are the Zumba pants,
39:51so that's, um...
39:52Okay, so two Zumba, one chef.
39:53Yeah, let's do that.
39:54All right, so both teams think Michelle Sadgrove
39:57is number four.
39:58The person who sung Po-ca-di-ca-di-ah-na
40:00at the start of Sailing Away back in 1986,
40:03could you step forward, please?
40:06Oh!
40:07Oh!
40:11Oh!
40:14Oh!
40:15Got him!
40:16Oh, there you are!
40:16That was Goosebumps hearing that song again.
40:20How about for you?
40:21Yeah, me too.
40:21Yeah.
40:22Do you still sing?
40:24Uh, as you can hear, I'm a teacher,
40:26so I do music and haka,
40:30and my voice is a bit tired.
40:31Sure.
40:31Oh!
40:32Because this was kind of like our version
40:34of We Are The World,
40:35or, you know, one of those big charity singles,
40:37wasn't it?
40:38It seemed to be that way in the end, yeah.
40:40And all those people that went and did the show,
40:43I think they all did it,
40:44just from the goodness of their heart,
40:45because they really wanted to, you know...
40:47So, New Zealand...
40:48Part of it.
40:49Sorry, New Zealand's charity single
40:50was to support white men sailing.
40:54That's correct, yeah.
40:55It's hard to describe, Ray,
40:57but the whole nation was sort of on board,
40:59weren't they, with the America's Cup team?
41:00We were so...
41:01We so wanted them to do well and proud of them.
41:03Yeah, yeah.
41:04What's tough is also finding out
41:05that number four isn't the singer,
41:06they just hated the sound of my voice.
41:10And your family are musicians, correct?
41:13Yes, that's right.
41:14Is your son in the music industry as well?
41:16Yes, my son is a music producer,
41:18and, yeah, he's in the Sons of Zion
41:20and produces a lot of their songs and rights.
41:23Great.
41:24Thank you, Lizzie.
41:26So, has he been on Seven Days?
41:29Yes, twice, I think.
41:30I don't know why my voice broke there.
41:32Yeah, been on twice.
41:32Fantastic, bit of a family tradition.
41:34And, of course, well, people,
41:36you wouldn't have got recognised from this song,
41:37so how did you manage to introduce it in conversation?
41:40I should go, oh, do you know my band?
41:41We're Mothers of Sons of Zion.
41:44I'd be more likely to do that.
41:48Kitty Te Kanoa made this song quite famous as well,
41:51Pukarikariana, right?
41:52I mean, do you have any feelings about her stealing your song?
41:56Oh, my goodness.
42:00That's not a no.
42:04Give it up for Michelle Sadgrove, ladies and gentlemen.
42:07Girls and boys, anyone that doesn't subscribe
42:10to those narrow categories of human beings.
42:12All right, so you've both got four,
42:13so it comes down to the next places.
42:16So you went chef number three, you went chef number one.
42:18Chef, can you step forward, please?
42:19Oh, neither.
42:23Flight attendant, can you step forward, please?
42:25Where's our flight attendant?
42:26It's number four.
42:27Zumba instructor, that would be you, number one.
42:29Which means C2 gets the star.
42:32You got one.
42:32One.
42:37This episode of Seven Days is very nearly at climax,
42:39but I think we have time for one more sneaky segment,
42:41so don't go anywhere.
42:42When we come back, I'll get my dinger out
42:44so we can finish in style on Seven Days.
42:46See you soon.
42:47Hello and welcome back to Seven Days.
43:00Just a reminder, remember to put the bins out tomorrow
43:02if tomorrow is midday.
43:03If it's not, don't worry about it.
43:04As you were, before you go, brush your teeth, pop off to bed.
43:07We're going to keep you awake for a little longer
43:09with a game of Beat the Ding.
43:10I will ask all of our team members individually
43:12to come up with a list of bespoke things
43:14before I can ring my dinger.
43:15Every successful comedian gets a star.
43:17If they can't finish, they will live in eternal shame.
43:20Be shunned by their team.
43:21Let's get dinging.
43:22All right.
43:23Matariki is tomorrow.
43:24Yay, it's New Year's.
43:25Ray, I'll give you ten seconds to tell us
43:27four New Year's resolutions.
43:29Go.
43:29Kiss a girl.
43:31Kiss a boy.
43:34Build like a tree house
43:36with all my friends can hang out.
43:38And race solo around the world in 80 days.
43:47All right.
43:48Yeah, well done, Ray.
43:48You get a start.
43:49Congratulations.
43:50Give them a round of applause.
43:54Smoke billowed across Auckland on Tuesday
43:56when the central and new world supermarket caught fire.
43:59Jazzy, coming to you, you have ten seconds
44:01to re-enact the intercom message
44:03that came over when the fire broke out, please.
44:06Okay, we're going to have a clean-up on our force.
44:08Someone's wet their pants by the way.
44:10Oh, my God.
44:11There's smoke coming.
44:13Get out!
44:14Get out, man, you f***er!
44:16You're going to knock it out!
44:17Get out!
44:21Yeah.
44:22Well done.
44:23A star for you.
44:26Impro.
44:27Very good.
44:29Well, pop star Sabrina Carpenter
44:30has set the internet ablaze
44:31with an album cover.
44:32Some are criticising by saying
44:34it's made for the male gaze.
44:36Rhys, I'll give you ten seconds
44:37to give me three album cover poses
44:39that are also made for the male gaze.
44:42Woo!
44:43Album covers made for the male gaze.
44:45Oh.
44:50One more.
44:53Get your dick out.
44:53Yeah.
44:57Are you proud of yourself?
45:01Look, did I panic?
45:02Sure.
45:05Someone's getting a house.
45:09All right, Rhys, well done.
45:10You get a star
45:11hanging on the wall of your new house.
45:14Marty Savia has confirmed
45:15he will go on sabbatical in Japan next year
45:17instead of playing rugby in New Zealand.
45:18Ben, I'll give you 12 seconds
45:19to name me five other countries
45:21you'd rather be in,
45:22but you've got to do it
45:22in the accent of that country.
45:24Wow.
45:25Minefield, go.
45:27Er, France.
45:30Yeah.
45:31Italia.
45:35Three more.
45:36Sweden.
45:40England.
45:42Russia.
45:45Russia.
45:46Russia.
45:47Russia.
45:47Russia.
45:47I'll pay it.
45:50I think we've got another star.
45:52Wow, okay.
45:53How funny business.
45:54Let's see which team has emerged victorious
45:55based on my arbitrary point scoring system.
45:58Congratulations.
45:59Team won.
46:05There we go.
46:07There's your prize.
46:08It's beautiful.
46:09Treat it well.
46:11The Corby Lisa.
46:12The Moni Corby,
46:13whatever you want to call it.
46:14Thank you very much for your time this evening
46:16and to our studio audience,
46:17how about a round of ironic applause
46:18for our panellists.
46:19Rhys, Emma,
46:20Ray,
46:21Ben,
46:21and Justin.
46:23Thanks for watching.
46:23We'll see you on 7 days on 7 days.
46:25Good night.
46:34Thanks, New Zealand on the air.
46:36Oh, sorry, hang on.
46:38The dressing room?
46:40Right away, Mr. Brown.
46:41No.
46:41Yeah.
46:42I'm sorry,
47:08but I have a friend,
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