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CinemaJourney
  • 6/19/2025
#CinemaJourney

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Fun
Transcript
00:00Kia ora, te na koutou katoa, you are looking divine, I like what you've done with your
00:17hair. My name is Jeremy Corbett, tonight I'll be like an underpaid substitute teacher trying
00:21to educate these unruly overhorned comedians about news in a classroom I like to call seven
00:26days. Let's meet our pupils, shall we? Leading team one is the guy from every craft beer label
00:31that has a guy on it, it's Rhys Mathewson. So Holland, Jeremy, great to see you. Great
00:37to see you, craft beer guy. We've got a great team one for you this evening. Looking at them,
00:42it's hard to tell which one's the lonely child and which one's the imaginary friend, it's
00:45Emma Holland and Ray O'Leary. And the leader of team two is Rhys Mathewson in ten years,
00:54it's Ben Hurley. Quite a few years it's been though, Jeremy. I've been bathing in milk.
01:02I've got a great team on team two tonight. They're both comedians that have come from Christchurch
01:08up to the big smoke, which is also what they'll be doing after the show. It's Liv McKenzie and
01:14Justin Smith. Well, is that ringing in your ears incurable tinnitus or our first game called
01:21The Sound of Music? Yes, it is. I will now channel my inner radio DJ and play some tunes
01:25from the 80s, 90s of today that relate to some of the biggest stories from the week.
01:29Team one, use your taranga to decode this, please.
01:32Well, that's definitely Corby's music because nothing was from this side of the millennium.
01:52Yeah, man. I think I know what this is. Do you guys have any ideas?
01:58Um...
01:58No.
02:01This is a survey came out saying that young people are the unhappiest of all age groups.
02:08Yeah, well done, Rhys. Out of all the ages in life, the ages 18 to 24 are the hardest to
02:13be right now. This is according to the results of the Global Flourishing Study. 18 to 24 year
02:19olds are reporting the lowest levels of any age group when it comes to happiness, health,
02:22purpose, relationships and financial security.
02:26Woo!
02:30Well, I hear the younger generation are so unhappy and in part it's because they don't socialise
02:35as much and that is true because every 18 year old I've tried to speak to is not interested
02:40in that.
02:4018 is high for you too, isn't it?
02:46I would like to deny the allegations that they've been doing.
02:50What happened to conscription? Let's bring conscription back, you know? We did it to all those men
02:54in the 40s and they turned out fine.
02:56Didn't they? Yeah.
02:57Yeah, all jokes aside, like it must be pretty worrying if you're young because you will never
03:01own a house. But I would give that all up to drink and not be hungover.
03:06Yeah, that's right. That's what you've got going for you, youth. That's what we would
03:10all trade everything we've got for, youth.
03:12And it's when you're your hottest as well.
03:14Oh yeah.
03:15Everyone's sexy under the age of 24, now look at us.
03:18Speak for yourself.
03:21Well the good thing is that somehow biologically when you're 24 you don't think that because
03:25imagine if they knew it.
03:27Oh, the low self-esteem, that's how you got your second wife.
03:30Yeah, so they're saying 18-year-olds are unhappy because what? They've got no money,
03:38they've got no houses, no meaning, no purpose. I mean on the plus side I've just found out
03:43I'm 18 years old.
03:44So that's not fair.
03:46You look awful.
03:51Alright, team two, are you ready?
03:53Sure.
03:53Alright, here's some music for you.
03:55Okay, what have we got there? Got some Lorde in the middle?
04:17Yeah.
04:18Hang me in the Louvre?
04:19I feel like that's my last breakup playlist.
04:21I Will Survive? Yeah, I do. That's a breakup song.
04:25Yeah.
04:25Absolutely. And what will we have at the start?
04:27Lenny Kravitz at the top.
04:28Oh, Lenny Kravitz, I want to get away, I want to fly. Everything's going to go away.
04:32Going away somewhere, travelling.
04:35Oh yeah, tourism.
04:36Visiting a museum.
04:37The Louvre.
04:38The Louvre.
04:38France.
04:39There was a protest at the Louvre.
04:41Was it all the people going, can we have our shit back please?
04:45Jeremy, they're going to have a big sale at the Louvre.
04:54Everything's half price.
04:56Not even close.
04:58No, Europe's had enough of tourists.
05:00The Louvre in Paris closed due to striking stuff.
05:03And there have been mass protests in hotspots like Mallorca, Venice and Lisbon,
05:06saying the economic model of tourism displaces locals and erodes city life.
05:11And they're pretty upset about it.
05:12Although, I'd say the French have been rude to tourists in France for years.
05:17And they certainly were when I was there.
05:19Although, to be fair, I was trying to get everyone in France to teach me how to do their kissing.
05:23So, I'm probably not the best foot to get off on.
05:26But also, I heard, I mean, to be fair, I heard that the tourism has, like, devastated, you know, some of these countries.
05:32Like, look at Rome's tourist attractions, all in ruins.
05:36They still want tourists, but they're just too many.
05:39I think the Louvre gets through, like, 8.7 million people a year, and it's just too much.
05:44They should try the Invercargill method of having uglier buildings and shit food.
05:47There we go.
05:49If I was going to say, if France don't want tourists, then why are they always so kind and helpful?
05:54They were chanting at people, like, tourists go home, tourists go home.
05:58I don't think they understand how a holiday works.
06:02Tourists are like, yeah, we plan to next week.
06:04We are doing a bit in New Zealand to stop this, though.
06:06We're making the cost of living here so high, no one can afford to go on holiday.
06:11Well, here's a little tip for you.
06:12If you go to Australia by boat, they take you on a wonderful long island holiday for free.
06:19I've heard it sounds great.
06:20It's called Christmas Island.
06:21Yeah, every day is Christmas.
06:24This is a vibe where the local people are sick of being, like, infiltrated by heaps of tourists, right?
06:29I believe so, yeah.
06:30I wonder if that ever happens at Owakuni, where they're like, this is it, we've got to shut the carrot.
06:37I feel bad for Europeans, you know?
06:40Can you imagine people from overseas coming into your country and acting like it's theirs?
06:44It's terrible.
06:45Terrible stuff.
06:48I actually did, I did hear that they had to shut the Louvre because too many people were coming to visit the Mona Lisa.
06:53And in response, all she had to say was...
06:56Maybe she should smile more.
07:00I tell you what, I've actually, I've been to the Louvre, I've seen the Mona Lisa.
07:02And let me tell you, not that hot.
07:06Not that hot.
07:07Now, the Venus de Milo, wah-wah-wee-wah.
07:11Got to get rid of those arms to make way for those tits, am I right?
07:15LAUGHTER
07:16All right, now, unlike those woke parents at school these days, I think games are better when there's a winner and a loser.
07:23Plus, it makes me feel like a big man to do it.
07:25Let's hand out some points, shall we?
07:26Team one, here's a bit of an Aussie one, you can have 44.
07:30You probably know this, Emma, the percentage of Australians who voted for Chris Luxon as the world's most trusted leader in a new poll.
07:36Not even Albo.
07:37They voted for our Prime Minister ahead of their own.
07:39Team two, you can have 25.
07:4025, that's how many patients Auckland Hospital accidentally diagnosed with an STI in the last three weeks.
07:46I read the article.
07:49LAUGHTER
07:49Apparently six of them still don't know it was a mistake.
07:53Which means the star goes to team one.
07:55Well done.
07:58As you probably know, if you watch the show regularly, the team with the most stars at show's end will leave the studio with a very small appearance fee.
08:04And this, our winning prize for tonight.
08:07Yes, with the sad news of the Louvre closing, I took it upon myself to salvage what I could from it.
08:12So tonight you're playing for this magnificent piece of priceless art plucked from the wall of that museum.
08:18You could sell it and retire.
08:19Perhaps you'd prefer to hang it on your bedroom ceiling.
08:22Your choice.
08:22All right.
08:23Time now to lay a trail of road cones from the halls of power directly to the seven-day studio.
08:27See who turns up for a game of yes, Minister.
08:30Well, this week we are joined by the man waging war on those road cones.
08:33Please welcome the Mayor of Auckland, His Worship, Wayne Brown.
08:36CHEERING
08:37Well done, Wayne.
08:42I see you've brought your own agenda.
08:44Oh, this is not just any rocket.
08:47This is a rocket lab road cone given to me by Peter Beck.
08:53Brilliant.
08:53All right, park your chair in there behind the road cone.
08:56You're allowed to move that.
08:57Well, this has got to set up the right place for me to put it.
09:00Plus, this is our entry to the space thing.
09:04See, it's kind of got the look about it.
09:06Yeah, it does.
09:07The other thing is, face the camera.
09:10Well, where is it?
09:11I've got several out there.
09:12Can we shuffle the cone to the side, just to the side, so your chair can go there?
09:18Or we could just sit on the cone.
09:20Yeah.
09:24Wayne, welcome to the show.
09:25Your job to answer the questions from these people without saying yes or no.
09:29Do you sort of get that?
09:30Who are they?
09:30I'll give you a trial run.
09:32You are not a fan of cones, correct?
09:35That is true.
09:36That is true, yes.
09:37But you don't mind the rocket lab one.
09:39That's very...
09:39I like that.
09:40You worship over question.
09:41Well, he's a special guy and it was a special thing.
09:43Yeah.
09:44Yeah, face that way.
09:45Yeah, yeah, you got it.
09:46You got it.
09:47You worship over question.
09:48You're very anti-road cones.
09:50You think there are too many of them.
09:51But you did.
09:51I did some research on you.
09:52You spent some time up north, right?
09:54So you must occasionally like a bit of a cone.
10:00I'm from Northland.
10:02There you are.
10:03Yeah.
10:04But at least you left something to talk to Chloe Swarbrick about, right?
10:08We like a beer.
10:10Yeah.
10:10Do you?
10:10You and Chloe.
10:11We occasionally meet for a beer.
10:13We enjoy some of liberal views on some parts of society.
10:19But I don't come anywhere near understanding your economics.
10:24Mr. Mayor, you had a huge success with the pool,
10:27the seawater pool down in Auckland Viaduct.
10:30When you go for a swim there, is it called a cold brown?
10:36Well, the cool part about it is when there's some computer
10:41that says it's not safe.
10:42But if you look in, there's little fish swimming around.
10:44And I think they're quite a good guide as to whether the water's safe or not.
10:47And so I dive in and frighten a few fish and some old ladies watching.
10:52But I enjoy it.
10:53It's a wonderful thing to have that.
10:54And that pool is open and free and only costs $200,000.
10:59And some people in...
11:00Some of my councillors wanted to have one out and one so bad in Auckland
11:03for only $75 million.
11:05Oh.
11:05And I'm thinking,
11:06I can give you free wetsuits.
11:09And you can go out there and swim with that a lot less.
11:11That's great.
11:12I like the launch.
11:12And is that your next election promise?
11:16Mr Mayor, I live in Epsom.
11:19And I don't know if you know,
11:20but a lot of the residents there are dealing with a pretty serious rap problem.
11:24So I was wondering...
11:24Rap problem?
11:25Yeah, rap problem.
11:26A rap problem.
11:27A rap problem.
11:28Rap is OK.
11:29Yeah, rap.
11:30We love rap.
11:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:31I'll bring Ken Capici, my mate, through there and we'll fix the rap problem.
11:35Yeah, so I was wondering, we had this serious rap problem
11:37and I was wondering if you could do anything to help us get rid of David Seymour.
11:43Well, Dean, I was hoping that someone might find a political version of a Pied Piper
11:49and they could whistle and they'd all follow him out.
11:52Oh, yeah.
11:53Into the pool.
11:54Yeah, into the pool.
11:56On one of those days when the computer says, don't go there.
11:59Yeah.
12:01You're not a big fan of appearing in the media.
12:03Are you here because you've put your hand up for re-election in October?
12:06Is that sort of part of the deal?
12:08Put your face out there.
12:09Get some popularity.
12:10No, I'm taking it.
12:12I'm working against the advice of my...
12:14Everybody I know.
12:16Really?
12:20I love that.
12:22Especially my wife.
12:23Did King Capici tell you not to come on the show?
12:27No, King's actually...
12:29He's quite happy to have me doing things that people wouldn't expect me to do
12:34like playing the banjo and things like that.
12:38I reckon people expect you can play the banjo.
12:41I play it badly, though.
12:44You don't realise.
12:45I'm still interested in finishing that thought.
12:46So a lot of people said don't come on seven days,
12:49but you've done it regardless.
12:51I appreciate that you have.
12:52It's great.
12:52Oh, well, everyone has a fault.
12:55Mr Mir, unfortunately, all my granddads are dead.
13:03Are you in the market for any more grandkids?
13:06I have a follow-up question to that.
13:09Unfortunately, all my granddads are dead.
13:13Yes, go.
13:15What competition?
13:17Him.
13:18Are you a replacement granddad for...
13:20No, we're...
13:20We're dating.
13:22It's going so badly.
13:38That's good.
13:40That's good.
13:41Mr Mayor...
13:42No, you've got my vote.
13:46Speaking of votes, you worship at the last election,
13:48you won with 45% of the vote on 35% voter turnout.
13:53How does it feel to have the unwavering support of 16% of Auckland?
13:57You should ask those other politicians
13:59who get into Parliament for 20,000 votes,
14:01and I got in there for 160,000 votes,
14:03which is four and a half Eden Parks,
14:05which is more than some of those party scots.
14:07You should ask them how they feel.
14:09Ah!
14:10Ask them, Rhys.
14:13Mr Mayor, you were criticised for going to play tennis
14:16during the Auckland floods.
14:18Were you simply following Lord's advice
14:20to just go down to the tennis court
14:21and talk it out like, yeah, yeah?
14:25Lord's a singer.
14:29Well, that's a whole unfair nonsense, really,
14:33to be quite honest.
14:35The next day...
14:36I've got to tell you this.
14:37I rented a helicopter at my expense
14:40to fly around and have a look.
14:41Current Prime Minister,
14:42who's been the Prime Minister for about five days,
14:44arrived in a crappy-looking helicopter
14:46and landed beside the nice one we were in.
14:48Oh, my God, embarrassing.
14:51And we got in a van
14:53to go to the street that was badly flooded.
14:57And I didn't know we were going to go to that.
15:00And the door opened,
15:01there was five TV cameras there,
15:03and I got out,
15:04and nobody had any idea who I was,
15:06which was great,
15:06and I walked off,
15:07and then they flooded around
15:08this little Prime Minister
15:09who'd been the Prime Minister for five days.
15:11And we walked up the street,
15:12and I bumped into a big, tall guy,
15:13and he said he was...
15:14Shhh!
15:14..he was the head of the Auckland Police.
15:17And he said,
15:18you know what's going to happen?
15:19The media are going to say,
15:21you're not here.
15:22And they did.
15:23And I was three paces behind the Prime Minister.
15:26And so they were there
15:27to prove that they were drongos.
15:29Oh!
15:30Oh, my God, it was still going on.
15:33Mr Brown,
15:34your stories take so long,
15:35I'm now the age demographic
15:37that would vote for you.
15:38LAUGHTER
15:38And you'd now be able to get them.
15:41Look, I'll chat to one
15:44and I'll make them feel comfortable.
15:45Did your CV go up or down?
15:47LAUGHTER
15:47My CV is my curriculum vitae,
15:52or you mean...
15:52Yeah, true, OK.
15:53Well, RV then.
15:54Or TV, you.
15:55Yeah, there...
15:55I've got several.
15:58I haven't checked them all,
15:58to be quite honest.
15:59Oh, good Lord.
16:01What's that like?
16:02LAUGHTER
16:02How many you got?
16:06You'd be able to say...
16:07More than the Prime Minister
16:08put it that way.
16:09LAUGHTER
16:09Well, you are a property developer,
16:14so that does it to me.
16:15Wayne, I can't believe I'm saying this.
16:16If you give me a house right now,
16:18I will suck your d***.
16:18LAUGHTER
16:19LAUGHTER
16:20Oh, my God.
16:22LAUGHTER
16:22LAUGHTER
16:24LAUGHTER
16:26LAUGHTER
16:28LAUGHTER
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30LAUGHTER
16:31LAUGHTER
16:32LAUGHTER
16:33LAUGHTER
16:34Oh, my God.
16:37LAUGHTER
16:37He won't even look at you!
16:41LAUGHTER
16:41LAUGHTER
16:42I apologise, Mr Mayor,
16:43I apologise.
16:44LAUGHTER
16:45LAUGHTER
16:46I do have a correction centre
16:47where we're working to put you up.
16:49LAUGHTER
16:50A what centre?
16:51A correction centre.
16:52Oh, OK, sorry.
16:53LAUGHTER
16:54LAUGHTER
16:55LAUGHTER
16:56LAUGHTER
16:57That's a key tree.
16:58You own one, don't you?
16:59Yeah.
17:00LAUGHTER
17:01It's one of its properties.
17:02You own it?
17:03Oh, shit.
17:04You're in a jail?
17:05That's quite hot.
17:06It's a correct...
17:07LAUGHTER
17:08It's a corrections centre.
17:09That's a jail!
17:10LAUGHTER
17:11Uh...
17:12LAUGHTER
17:14If you don't correct sufficiently.
17:16Uh, Wayne's World,
17:17you've had some very public spats
17:19with Auckland Transport.
17:20When you get off the bus,
17:21do you say, thanks, driver?
17:23Yes, I do.
17:24LAUGHTER
17:25APPLAUSE
17:26That was a great...
17:28Yes, Minister.
17:29Give it up for Wayne Brown.
17:30APPLAUSE
17:35Thank you, Wayne,
17:36and congratulations.
17:37The star goes for team one.
17:39What?
17:45APPLAUSE
17:46LAUGHTER
17:47All right, I need another break.
17:50I'm dying to see what the Briscoes lady's up to.
17:52When we come back,
17:53we'll put on our sunglasses
17:54so we can perv at some hot jokes.
17:56It's Club Topakana next on Seven Days.
17:58APPLAUSE
18:10Hello and welcome back to Seven Days.
18:12APPLAUSE
18:13I hope you have preened,
18:14you've plucked and you've pruned
18:15because it's time to don our silliest swimwear
18:17and head to the Riviera of Riffs
18:19for Club Topakana.
18:20Strike up the steel drums.
18:22APPLAUSE
18:23Clop Topakana is brought to you as per by Dull Pineapples.
18:36And remember, without pineapples,
18:37a pina colada is just a sad man
18:39drinking rum and coconut cream in his car.
18:41LAUGHTER
18:42Now, in front of me, I have a pineapple I have hollered out
18:45and filled with a selection of sweet stories
18:46from this week's news
18:47that I'd like to hear a little more about.
18:49So let's crack into it.
18:50Alright, story one.
18:51The West Coast mansion that movie star Brad Pitt
18:53stayed in while filming in New Zealand recently
18:55is up for sale.
18:56And you could live there,
18:57providing you have, I don't know,
18:58a spare $15 million or so.
19:00All this talk of living with Brad Pitt
19:02got me thinking, though,
19:03what would it be like living with an actor, please, teams?
19:08And that's a wrap.
19:09And that's a wrap.
19:10And that's a panini.
19:11I've got lunch for everyone.
19:13LAUGHTER
19:14Yeah, I know I said I would pay the rent this week,
19:21but...
19:22To be continued!
19:24LAUGHTER
19:25Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
19:26Is it you or is it me?
19:29No, I will unload the dishwasher, but...
19:38but what's my motivation?
19:48Yeah, sorry, I just thought you'd want me in here
19:51because I'm trained as an intimacy coordinator.
20:02Yuck, Ray.
20:02Yes, honey, yes, I got the brake cables fixed on the car.
20:16OK, so for this one, imagine that they've just...
20:19They're coming back in from putting the bins out.
20:21OK.
20:21OK.
20:21Back to the pineapple we go for our next story.
20:38An audit this week showed nearly 50% of police college applicants
20:42who needed to be assessed on English literacy failed the test
20:46but were allowed to start training anyway.
20:48Doesn't sound good, but it does sound a little bit funny.
20:50So I want to see some more examples of terrible first responders.
20:56Hey, babe, just wondering, do we need anything at home?
20:58I'm just at New World and...
21:01LAUGHTER
21:02Yeah, a lot of the stuff's free.
21:06LAUGHTER
21:06OK, I've got a CPR.
21:10What are these that count? That's right.
21:12Staying alive, staying alive, staying alive.
21:16Well, I can't tell by the wig.
21:17LAUGHTER
21:18You know, me and the other police were talking,
21:28and we reckon you're too pussy to kill a hostage.
21:32LAUGHTER
21:32LAUGHTER
21:33Yeah, the patient's drunk an entire bottle of vodka,
21:40so it looks like alcohol poisoning.
21:41So, um, I think we need a three-piece quarter-pack
21:45and a blue powder.
21:50LAUGHTER
21:51Yeah, no, step back, step back.
21:52I'm a firefighter.
21:53I've got this fire under control.
21:54All right.
21:55Let's go, bitch.
21:58LAUGHTER
21:58LAUGHTER
21:59Your police officer is arriving.
22:07He just has two deliveries along the way.
22:09LAUGHTER
22:10LAUGHTER
22:11OK, I feel a weak pulse.
22:21Nah, just joking, she's dead.
22:22Hello-hooo.
22:23LAUGHTER
22:23LAUGHTER
22:24Oh, dude, I'm so sad.
22:28LAUGHTER
22:28LAUGHTER
22:29Love that.
22:32Enjoyed that.
22:32There's time for more, though.
22:33Back to the pineapple we go.
22:35Due to declining demand,
22:36Sanitarium has discontinued
22:37making several of its cereal lines,
22:39including Honey Puffs, Wheaties and Light and Tasty.
22:42I apologise if you're just finding this out now.
22:43LAUGHTER
22:44These supermarket staples have been in our lives for decades.
22:47It got me feeling a bit nostalgic.
22:48So I want to hear examples of breakfast table chat
22:52from the 80s and 90s, please.
22:56Oh, son, why do you have to be such a sissy?
22:58Why can't you be a man's man,
23:00like Freddie Mercury or George Mark?
23:02LAUGHTER
23:02LAUGHTER
23:03Oh, I'm just still in a good mood
23:10from my favourite TV show last night.
23:12LAUGHTER
23:13Doesn't Bill Cosby seem like a cool dad?
23:16LAUGHTER
23:17OK, kids, sit down.
23:21Your dad's cooked breakfast this morning.
23:23LAUGHTER
23:24LAUGHTER
23:25LAUGHTER
23:27LAUGHTER
23:28LAUGHTER
23:29What's that, Charles?
23:34Diana is leaving you.
23:35Well, we'll see about there.
23:37LAUGHTER
23:38LAUGHTER
23:39LAUGHTER
23:39LAUGHTER
23:40LAUGHTER
23:41LAUGHTER
23:42LAUGHTER
23:42Oh, well, lovely breakfast.
23:45Better get to work.
23:46Got to work hard, save up that money
23:48to buy an entire house for $12,000.
23:51LAUGHTER
23:52LAUGHTER
23:53They were good times.
23:57LAUGHTER
23:57Oh, man, that Jeremy Corbett from More of M
23:59must be retiring soon.
24:01LAUGHTER
24:02LAUGHTER
24:03APPLAUSE
24:04LAUGHTER
24:05Wow, I love 1995,
24:10and our marriage couldn't be going worse.
24:12Let's root and call the baby Emma.
24:13LAUGHTER
24:14LAUGHTER
24:16LAUGHTER
24:17No...
24:18LAUGHTER
24:19LAUGHTER
24:20LAUGHTER
24:21Well, that's probably the end of young Winston and Peter's career.
24:25LAUGHTER
24:26LAUGHTER
24:27APPLAUSE
24:28All right, back to the pineapple for our final story.
24:32Great stuff, enjoying this.
24:34Christopher Luxon is in China this week,
24:36which means, yes,
24:37the newly appointed Deputy Prime Minister David Seymour
24:40is, right now, technically the acting Prime Minister of New Zealand.
24:44Pretty big job.
24:45Ah, must be a pretty big first day, I'd imagine.
24:47So let's see it.
24:48Teams, I want you to show me what it's like
24:50on the first day as Prime Minister.
24:55Ooh, what does this button do?
24:57Oh, burns down a new world.
24:59LAUGHTER
25:00OK, guys, I know I'm not your normal Prime Minister,
25:10so we're just going to put a movie on
25:12and wait until he gets there.
25:13LAUGHTER
25:14LAUGHTER
25:15LAUGHTER
25:16LAUGHTER
25:17APPLAUSE
25:19Ow!
25:21Ow!
25:23Ow!
25:23I didn't realise there'd be actual bees in here.
25:27LAUGHTER
25:28LAUGHTER
25:29LAUGHTER
25:30LAUGHTER
25:31LAUGHTER
25:32Hey, so excited to bring you on as my new press secretary.
25:35Hey, just checking, you're not a pervert, yeah?
25:36LAUGHTER
25:37LAUGHTER
25:38LAUGHTER
25:39LAUGHTER
25:40LAUGHTER
25:41LAUGHTER
25:42Funny that I asked.
25:43Oh, my first day as pretend Prime Minister,
25:47I'm going to rename wins as...
25:50...twerking income.
25:50LAUGHTER
25:51LAUGHTER
25:52LAUGHTER
25:53LAUGHTER
25:54Jazzy, it's in the hips, not the shoulders.
25:56Shut up.
25:57LAUGHTER
25:58LAUGHTER
26:00LAUGHTER
26:01All right, it's just King Charles on line one,
26:04congratulating me for a name.
26:05Just...
26:05Good morning, Your Majesty.
26:06Good morning, Your Majesty.
26:09What's that?
26:10LAUGHTER
26:11LAUGHTER
26:12We've had fun in the water, teams, but do what you ought to,
26:18and what you ought to do is get off the beach.
26:20We're done with that round.
26:21Play the steel drums.
26:23LAUGHTER
26:25Well, that round of Club Topicata will live an infamy,
26:35especially after I hand out these points.
26:37Team one, you can have the projected cost of holding another census,
26:41$400 million, which is why we won't be doing it anymore.
26:44Oh.
26:44No more cens-ci.
26:47And team two, you can have two, which is for 2%,
26:50and that's how much our population of our national bird,
26:52the kiwi, goes down every year.
26:54And you can't be a kiwi if we don't have kiwi birds.
26:56If you want a predator-free 2025,
26:59then you need to go to callyourselfakiwi.nz,
27:02make a donation and save our national bird.
27:04Congratulations, team one!
27:07CHEERING
27:07All right, it's time for our break on Seven Days,
27:14which is a little gap between the show.
27:16We'll be back shortly, though, with a round of Guest 2.
27:18See you then.
27:19CHEERING
27:19Well, well, well, look who came calling back.
27:33Me.
27:34This is Seven Days,
27:35and it's now time to bring a living, breathing person out onto the stage
27:38who has made their mark in the week's news.
27:40We'll honour them the only way we know how,
27:41by putting a bag over their head and laughing at them
27:43while they have no idea what is going on.
27:45May I please get a large-scale round of applause
27:47to welcome our Guest 2 guest.
27:50CHEERING
27:50APPLAUSE
27:51OK, here we go.
27:55Keep going straight forward.
27:56Three, two, one.
27:57Boom. Stop right now.
27:58You can say yes or no.
28:00You can ask yes or no questions, teams.
28:02And, of course, you get a no, it goes to the other team.
28:04Team one, you can begin.
28:05Are you an Indonesian volcano?
28:09No.
28:10That is a no, team two.
28:11We do need to narrow it down,
28:13and normally I start with,
28:14are you from the North Island or the South Island?
28:16OK.
28:16But I think that's fairly obvious.
28:17LAUGHTER
28:18LAUGHTER
28:19Have you got something to do with sports?
28:27Yes.
28:28Oh.
28:29Yes.
28:29We get another go.
28:30We do.
28:31You take it.
28:31You go.
28:31Captain.
28:32Um, something to do with sport.
28:35Are you good at sport?
28:37No.
28:37Oh.
28:38LAUGHTER
28:38Oh, man.
28:40OK.
28:41Are you a, uh...
28:42All right, no consulting with us either.
28:44No.
28:44Let's do it.
28:44Let's do it.
28:44Let's do it.
28:45Go.
28:45No, you're right, Emma.
28:46I'm so sorry, and I'm going to be an ally,
28:48and I'm going to use my platform to let a woman speak.
28:52LAUGHTER
28:53LAUGHTER
28:53Um...
28:55Oh, come on, stupid dad.
28:58LAUGHTER
28:59LAUGHTER
29:00You're going, you're going.
29:03Wow.
29:04Um, are you a coach of a sport?
29:07No.
29:07No, not coach.
29:08Stupid question.
29:09LAUGHTER
29:09Oh, yeah.
29:10Even though he says he's not good, he might be...
29:12I think he's being silly.
29:14Think...
29:14Oh, OK.
29:14You're being...
29:15Are you a player?
29:16Yes.
29:17OK.
29:18Do you play with an oval ball?
29:20Yes.
29:21Oh.
29:22Wait, is that rugby shape?
29:23Is that rugby?
29:24Um, or rugby league.
29:25You don't have to know sport.
29:26LAUGHTER
29:27LAUGHTER
29:28Everyone forgets about Egan Spoon.
29:30It's true, OK.
29:31I'm not asking...
29:33Are you, like, a local club rugby player?
29:36Yes.
29:37Yes.
29:37Ooh.
29:38Oh, my God.
29:39I think I might know what this is.
29:40Go be.
29:40Actually.
29:41Did you, um, fake an injury while playing rugby
29:44and your girlfriend's the, um, physio on the team
29:47and then she came out and you proposed to her?
29:50Yes.
29:50Yes!
29:51Yes!
29:52CHEERING
29:53This is Jay Young.
29:56Welcome to the show.
29:57Oh, that's good.
29:58He did exactly that.
30:00You faked the injury.
30:01Yes.
30:02Is your fiancée here?
30:03Yes, she is.
30:04Come on out, Estelle.
30:06Yes!
30:06Yes, she is.
30:08Hi.
30:10Stand right next to you.
30:11Stand right next to you.
30:12There you go.
30:13That's perfect.
30:14You guys are even wearing the team colours.
30:15That's so cute.
30:17It wasn't planned, believe it or not.
30:19Um, what team was playing what team?
30:21Wooden, Wooden resisting Ashley.
30:23Wooden?
30:23Oh, hell yeah.
30:23How's the season going?
30:25Yeah, we won last week.
30:27How many losses?
30:28Oh, I don't know.
30:31Don't know.
30:32What about this particular game where you faked the injury?
30:34I don't think you won that one.
30:36No, definitely not.
30:36But you did, you did get a try though?
30:38Oh, yeah.
30:39Oh, congratulations.
30:40He didn't just get a try, he got a succeed.
30:42That's right.
30:42Who, um, who wants to see it?
30:49We've got a video of it.
30:50You want to see it?
30:51All right.
30:52Let's have a look.
30:54Yeah!
30:55You do know you don't also have to kneel, right?
31:17Honestly, she was like, so, she was like, um, so put on the spot that when she got down and knelt, she's shaking her head at me like this.
31:24Yeah.
31:25I was like, no, you're supposed to go like this.
31:28Who's the guy in the red jacket?
31:30He's the water boy, he brung out the ring for me.
31:32Was he, he was in on it?
31:33Yeah.
31:33So how long was this in the planning?
31:35Uh, quite a while.
31:36Yeah.
31:36But I didn't tell her, he was the only one that knew.
31:39Wow.
31:39Fantastic.
31:40How did you guys meet?
31:41Uh, I was her personal trainer.
31:44Hell yeah.
31:47And now I enjoy the fruits of my labour.
31:49Yeah.
31:54Oh my God.
31:55You're not married yet?
31:56You can still screw it up in here, mate.
31:59And on the wedding night, do you think you'll visit his wood end?
32:02Answer it.
32:09If you were going to say no, would you have just kind of gently put him into the recovery
32:12position?
32:15And Jay, be honest, is this the first time you've faked an injury on the rugby field?
32:20Uh, in that game, no.
32:23Not even in that game.
32:25So, no, I've never faked an injury, but that game I had to fake two because, um, I was supposed
32:30to propose and then come off the field to celebrate with her, and then, um, I looked
32:37at my coach like this, and he says, nah, 80 minutes.
32:41I was like, oof.
32:43So you faked a second injury to get off?
32:45So I faked a second injury to get off.
32:48Did this come out of the blue, or did you have an inkling?
32:50Oh, really?
32:50Yeah, I was completely shocked.
32:52Hence why I fell to the ground.
32:53Like, it was just any other normal Saturday getting ready for rugby, and I really thought
32:57I knew when he was going to ask me.
32:59I thought he'd be like, oh, let's go for a walk or something.
33:02Or I'd just know, but...
33:03You've got to give me more credit then.
33:04Yeah.
33:05It was completely right.
33:09Was the ring the right size?
33:11Because when I approached my wife, I had to, like, wait until she was, like, passed out
33:15from a nut on the piss.
33:17All the ring off her finger in the middle of the night and trace it.
33:20How'd you go?
33:21I hate that you ask that.
33:23Nah, so she went out with her girls one night, and I grabbed the ring that I know she always
33:27wears, and I measured it all good, but it's the ring that she wears on her index finger.
33:31So, nah, it is a little bit big, but...
33:33That's beautiful.
33:34Look at the spark.
33:35Holy shit.
33:36Look at that rock.
33:37What do they pay you?
33:39Yeah, for Woody and Division 2.
33:43And what's the plan for the wedding?
33:44Do you have an MC?
33:45Because I'm...
33:46He'll give me a discount, right?
33:49Yeah.
33:50It's still pretty expensive.
33:53Nah, but when's the wedding?
33:54Do we have a date?
33:56No.
33:56Nah, we don't have a date.
33:57Working on that.
33:57Yeah, working on it.
33:58That's the politest way to turn you down.
34:00No, no, no.
34:02All right, give it up for Jay and Estelle.
34:06Thank you very much.
34:07You are dismissed.
34:08Thank you so much.
34:09Congratulations.
34:10Congratulations to the star goes to Team 2.
34:13And Ben, that was touching.
34:15If you'd like to touch a brand new guitar,
34:18then boy, do I have some good news for you.
34:20This is from Studio One Vintage Guitars.
34:22Firstly, congratulations to Michael Shaw from the Manawatu
34:25who won the Billy Strings Martin guitar last week.
34:27So much fun.
34:28We're doing it all again.
34:29Yes, you could win this Fender Stratocaster,
34:32as I like to say, Fender Strat,
34:34because I'm in the music.
34:36This thing valued at nearly $3,000.
34:39That's from Studio One Vintage Guitars.
34:41Just go to our Facebook page to enter.
34:43So go look at that.
34:43We'll be back in a minute to look back
34:45the past with a game of history on Seven Days.
34:58Welcome back to Seven Days.
35:01I recently found out the earth is 4.543 billion years old,
35:05which means in that time a lot of news has happened.
35:07So we're going to meet a character from one of those billions of years
35:10with a game of history.
35:11Teams, take a look at this.
35:13Here we come and we are sailing.
35:20Here we come and we are sailing.
35:23Here we come, we're on our way.
35:26In a boat just called New Zealand.
35:33We're together, that's our way.
35:34Sailing away.
35:35Sailing away.
35:36Sailing away.
35:37Sailing away.
35:38New Zealand.
35:39New Zealand can do it.
35:40Take it away.
35:41Take it away.
35:42Take it away.
35:43We're together, that's our way.
35:45We're together, that's our way.
35:47We're together, that's our way.
35:54Sailing away.
35:57Sailing away.
35:59You see we can't do it
36:05Take it away
36:09Yeah, wow.
36:13That is from 1986, the song Sailing Away,
36:16which celebrated the America's Cup, of course.
36:18It went to number one on the Kiwi charts.
36:20In studio, we have that brilliant voice, Michelle Sadgrove,
36:23who sang Por Karakariana so beautifully at the start of that song.
36:26Teams, you need to work out which one she is.
36:29Who is our singer?
36:30To mix it up, we've also thrown in a chef, a flight attendant
36:33and a Zumba instructor.
36:35You're allowed to talk to the line-up.
36:36They cannot reply.
36:37They're not mic'd up.
36:38Team two, you can have first go at this.
36:41Zumba instructor.
36:43OK, everyone wiggle your hips.
36:47Oh, that's got to be number one, I reckon.
36:50Actually, I can picture number two with a little badge
36:53and a purpley dress, fanging out chips and shit.
36:57Let's watch, let's watch, see if they flinch, right?
37:00I've just left, there's a spare seat next to me
37:02and I've just put my jumper on there.
37:05And we're about to take off, a jumper that's not going to hurt anybody.
37:08Is that...
37:09Ben, this is not the time to exercise your demons.
37:15Oh, I'm in the exit row and I'm not listening.
37:20Number one laugh.
37:22Yeah, number two's not happy.
37:23I'm not happy.
37:25Number two, I reckon number two might be the flight attendant.
37:28Yes, I'd go with that.
37:29Yeah, I think number one, Zumba instructor.
37:32Number two, flight attendant.
37:33Flight attendant.
37:34We've got a chef and the singer.
37:36I think number four looks like she's just about to absolutely smash the national anthem.
37:43Like, yeah, look at her, she's eyes straight ahead, she's ready, she's going to go for it.
37:47I reckon number three looks like she'd like cooking for the people, I reckon that's us.
37:51Oh, so if you've ever seen that whole video of the sailing away, do you remember it, Joz?
37:56I do remember the video.
37:58Yeah, yeah.
37:58There's a bit in it where Barry Crump comes in and sings and he absolutely ruins it.
38:03He's going, we are running, we are sailing.
38:07And look at number four, she's cringing.
38:09She's traumatised.
38:10She is traumatised.
38:11It's so four, it's so four.
38:13That's it.
38:13Do it, Ben.
38:13Alright, run down the line for me, Ben.
38:15Number four's our singer.
38:16Number three is our chef.
38:19Number two is our flight attendant slash fascist dictator.
38:25And number one is our Zumba instructor.
38:27Yep.
38:28Apologies to any flight attendant that have been on their flight.
38:32Alright, team one, over to you.
38:34What do you think?
38:34They've gone for number four.
38:35You can say number four as well if you want.
38:37I liked the clip they played.
38:39It reminded me of the national anthem because there was one person singing for the Māori part,
38:43but as soon as the words heard are English, all these people came out.
38:46I did notice, I don't know if you can say brands on this show,
38:52but I did notice that there is a brand label on number two's leggings
38:55that could potentially sync up with being a Zumba instructor.
38:59Like, it's a notable brand in the fitness community.
39:02Lorna Jane!
39:05Which, I mean, trying to figure out the flight attendant,
39:07which of them looks like they'd selfishly put on their own oxygen mask before assisting?
39:13Three!
39:15Three, three.
39:16Yeah.
39:16And three looks like they've just come from Jetstar, actually, so...
39:18Yeah, okay, three's our flight attendant.
39:22We'll lock that in.
39:22I feel like someone who's good at singing
39:24wouldn't be able to handle listening to, like, bad music.
39:28Can you just do a little tune?
39:29Can you just sing something?
39:30Pocari, cadi, ah...
39:32Oh, it's definitely four!
39:36It's definitely four!
39:38Number four's got her hair up in a bun like it's ready to be pulled by a rat,
39:41so I think she could be the chef.
39:43LAUGHTER
39:44I think four is our singer.
39:49Four's the singer.
39:50Number two at the Zumba pants, so that's, um...
39:52Okay, so two Zumba, one chef.
39:53Yeah, let's do that.
39:54All right, so both teams think Michelle Sadgrove is number four.
39:58The person who sung Pocari Kariana at the start of Sailing Away back in 1986,
40:03could you step forward, please?
40:06Oh!
40:06Oh!
40:07Oh!
40:11Oh!
40:14Oh!
40:15Got him!
40:16Oh, there you are!
40:17That was, uh, goosebumps hearing that song again.
40:20How about for you?
40:21Yeah, me too.
40:21Yeah.
40:22Do you still sing?
40:24Uh, as you can hear, I'm a teacher, so...
40:26Oh!
40:27I do music and...
40:29Oh, that's...
40:29And my voice is a bit tired.
40:31Oh!
40:31Because this was kind of like our version of We Are The World
40:35or, you know, one of those big charity singles, wasn't it?
40:38It seemed to be that way in the end, yeah.
40:40And all those people that went and did the show,
40:43I think they all did it, just from the goodness of their heart,
40:45because they really wanted to, you know...
40:47So New Zealand...
40:48Part of it.
40:49Sorry, New Zealand's charity single was to support white men sailing.
40:54That's correct, yeah.
40:55It's hard to describe, Ray,
40:57but the whole nation was sort of on board, weren't they,
40:59with the America's Cup team.
41:00We were so...
41:01We so wanted them to do well and proud of them.
41:03Yeah, yeah.
41:04What's tough is also finding out that number four isn't the singer,
41:06they just hated the sound of my voice.
41:10And your family, your family are musicians, correct?
41:13Yes.
41:14Is your son in the music industry as well?
41:16Yes.
41:16My son is our music producer and, um...
41:18Yeah, he's in the Sons of Zion
41:20and produces a lot of their songs and writes.
41:23Great.
41:24Absolutely.
41:26So has he been on Seven Days?
41:29Yes, twice, I think.
41:30I don't know why my voice broke there.
41:31Yeah, he's been on twice.
41:32Fantastic.
41:33A bit of a family tradition.
41:34And, of course,
41:35you wouldn't have got recognised from this song,
41:37so how did you manage to introduce it in conversation?
41:40You should go,
41:40oh, do you know my band?
41:41We're Mothers of Sons of Zion.
41:44I'd be more likely to do that.
41:48Kitty Te Kanoa made this song quite famous as well,
41:51Pukarikariana, right?
41:52I mean, do you have any feelings about her stealing your song?
41:58Oh, my goodness.
42:00That's not a no!
42:04Give it up for Michelle Sadgrove, ladies and gentlemen.
42:07Girls and boys,
42:08anyone that doesn't subscribe
42:10for those narrow categories of human beings.
42:12All right, so you've both got four,
42:13so it comes down to the next places.
42:16So you went chef number three,
42:17you went chef number one.
42:18Chef, can you step forward, please?
42:21Oh, neither!
42:22Flight attendant, can you step forward, please?
42:25Where's our flight attendant?
42:26It's number four.
42:27Zumba instructor, that would be you, number one.
42:29Which means C2 gets the star!
42:32You got one!
42:37This episode of Seven Days is very nearly at climax,
42:39but I think we have time for one more sneaky segment,
42:41so don't go anywhere.
42:42When we come back, I'll get my dinger out
42:44so we can finish in style on Seven Days.
42:46See you soon.
42:47Hello, and welcome back to Seven Days.
42:59Just a reminder,
43:01remember to put the bins out tomorrow
43:02if tomorrow is bin day.
43:03If it's not, don't worry about it.
43:04As you were, before you go,
43:06brush your teeth, pop off to bed.
43:07We're going to keep you awake for a little longer
43:09with a game of Beat the Ding.
43:10I will ask all of our team members individually
43:12to come up with a list of bespoke things
43:14before I can ring my dinger.
43:15Every successful comedian gets a star.
43:17If they can't finish,
43:18they will live in eternal shame,
43:20be shunned by their team.
43:21Let's get dinging.
43:22All right, Matariki is tomorrow.
43:24Yay, it's New Year's.
43:25Ray, I'll give you ten seconds
43:26to tell us four New Year's resolutions.
43:28Go.
43:29Kiss a girl.
43:31Kiss a boy.
43:35Build like a treehouse
43:36where all my friends can hang out
43:38and race solo around the world in 80 days.
43:47All right, yeah, well done, Ray.
43:48You get a start.
43:49Congratulations.
43:50Give them a round of applause.
43:54Smoke billowed across Auckland on Tuesday
43:56when the central and new world supermarket caught fire.
43:59Jazzy, coming to you,
44:00you have ten seconds
44:01to re-enact the intercom message
44:03that came over when the fire broke out, please.
44:06OK, we're going to have a clean-up.
44:08I'm going to force someone
44:08to wear their pants by the way.
44:10Oh, my God, the smoke coming.
44:12Get out!
44:14Get out, Ray, you s***!
44:16You're going to knock it out!
44:21Yep.
44:22Well done, a star for you.
44:26Impro.
44:28Very good.
44:29Well, pop star Sabrina Carpenter
44:30has set the internet ablaze with an album cover.
44:32Some are criticising by saying
44:34it's made for the male gaze.
44:36Rhys, I'll give you ten seconds
44:37to give me three album cover poses
44:39that are also made for the male gaze.
44:42Woo!
44:43Album covers made for the male gaze.
44:45Oh.
44:46Damn!
44:50One more.
44:52Get your dick out.
44:53Yeah.
44:58Are you proud of yourself?
45:01Look, did I panic?
45:02Sure.
45:05Someone's getting a house.
45:09All right, Rhys, well done.
45:10You get a star
45:11hanging on the wall of your new house.
45:13Marty Savia has confirmed
45:15he will go on sabbatical in Japan next year
45:16instead of playing rugby in New Zealand.
45:18Ben, I'll give you 12 seconds
45:19to name me five other countries
45:21you'd rather be in,
45:21but you've got to do it
45:22in the accent of that country.
45:24Oh, wow.
45:26Minefield, go.
45:27Er, France.
45:30Yeah.
45:32Italia.
45:35Three more.
45:36Sweden.
45:40England.
45:41Right, right.
45:43And Russia.
45:45Russia.
45:46Russia.
45:47Russia.
45:48I'll pay it.
45:50I think we've got another star.
45:52Wow.
45:52OK, how funny business.
45:54Let's see which team
45:54has emerged victorious
45:55based on my arbitrary
45:57point scoring system.
45:58Congratulations.
45:59Team won!
46:05There we go.
46:07There's your prize.
46:08It's beautiful.
46:09Treat it well.
46:11The Corby Lisa.
46:12The Moany Corby,
46:13whatever you want to call it.
46:14Thank you very much
46:15for your time this evening.
46:16And to our studio audience,
46:17how about a round of
46:18ironic applause
46:18for our panellists.
46:19Rhys, Emma,
46:20Ray, Ben,
46:21Morgan, and Justine.
46:23Thanks for watching.
46:23We'll see you in CNN
46:24on Sydney's.
46:25Good night.
46:34Thanks, New Zealand On Air.
46:36Oh, sorry, hang on.
46:38The dressing room?
46:40Right away, Mr Brown.
46:41LAUGHTER
46:42APPLAUSE
46:43.
46:44All right.
46:44Thanks for joining us.