- 6/19/2025
Hell Motel Season 1 Episode 2
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Just a few more steps and...
00:10Ta-da!
00:11It's an old motel.
00:15An amazing way.
00:16And it's a steal.
00:17I'm not surprised.
00:19Real estate is all about vision, Portia.
00:21And your little lady right here has so much.
00:23It's scary.
00:24Emphasis on this here.
00:26But with a paint job, cosmetic landscaping, and a snappy neon selfie wall.
00:31Hello, selfies.
00:33Trippy cow scones.
00:35Okay, okay.
00:36That all sounds beautiful.
00:38But why would anybody want to stay here in the middle of nowhere?
00:43Because one of the most infamous mass murders happened at this very spot.
00:50Hey, hear me out.
00:52But your crime industry brings in millions here.
00:55And people will travel around the world just to break into a place like this.
00:58Just imagine how much they would pay to legit stay in one.
01:01Little sickos like you.
01:04Thousands.
01:05Throw in the non-themed diner.
01:07Serving a trapped market.
01:09You can't get pizza or Chinese food delivered all the way out here.
01:12You want to eat, you gotta hunt.
01:14Yeah, or I could spend that kind of money on a beautiful winter home in Palm Springs for us with the pool.
01:25Let me think on it.
01:27Of course.
01:28But I know that once you've done your usual market research, and you see how famous this place is, you'll agree we're looking at a true crime gold mine.
01:38Murders? Where the money's at, girl?
01:41So people would pay to come and stay at a place where a massacre took place?
01:49Oh, big bucks.
01:50Oodles of it.
01:51Guaranteed.
01:52Hey, hey, hey!
01:54Stop!
01:55Stop!
01:57Everything we own is in there!
02:00Everything!
02:01Hey, hey, hey!
02:02What are we gonna do?
02:05We're on the way out.
02:06What the hell is the car?
02:07It's in the shop!
02:08We don't pick up the SUV until Monday!
02:10Are you kidding me?
02:11You insisted that we come in the goddamn hearse!
02:14It's part of the experience!
02:15We weren't for seeing somebody who would murder a guest!
02:19Who are they gonna kill next?
02:20We didn't kill anyone!
02:22So let's go in the motel now!
02:25Well, someone's dead in the air!
02:27And I, for one, ain't dying today!
02:29Do you want to figure out what's going on?
02:31And what we need to do?
02:32Then get inside now!
02:35Yeah!
02:36We're driving in the back.
02:37Okay.
02:38Okay.
02:39Let's just get out of here.
02:41This is crazy.
02:50All I'm asking is for everybody to keep their heads about them.
03:00Portia and I are handling this.
03:02How do we know you didn't kill Hemingway?
03:04And burn the RV?
03:06You strand us here and then you pick us off one by one?
03:10In what worlds would that make sense?
03:12We are businesswomen.
03:14We have spent $700,000 renovating this place.
03:18Not to mention what it cost to buy the motel.
03:21So we're not going to piss away our life savings and ruin our lives in the process.
03:27Maybe not you.
03:29But you.
03:31I'm not so sure.
03:33Yeah.
03:34Me neither.
03:35Why me?
03:36Oh right.
03:37Let me guess.
03:38My makeup.
03:39How I dress.
03:40No.
03:41Because you're obsessed with the murders that happened.
03:42Yeah.
03:43Girl.
03:44I'm a connoisseur in a slaughter.
03:45You're a wannabe.
03:46It's a little too much and with yourself at the center.
03:49And none of you wanted?
03:51Really?
03:52Every single one of you wanted a piece of true crime history.
03:57And that is what we delivered.
03:59Total access to the most famous murder site in history.
04:03On our dime.
04:05I can't believe how ungrateful you are.
04:08The bullying.
04:09The finger pointing.
04:11What if your guest was cooked to death on your watch?
04:13Exactly.
04:14So thank you so much for the invite, but I want to check out.
04:16Yeah, and if they're going, I'm going to.
04:18Yeah, me too.
04:19Sounds like a good plan.
04:20Okay, I just want to put this in people's heads.
04:22I've hunted this state the last ten years.
04:25And it's serious.
04:26There's black bear all over.
04:28And around here you've got gray wolf and mountain lion.
04:31And this weather's no joke.
04:32Five minutes out there and you'll be soaked to your skin.
04:35Walk through the woods at night.
04:37If the wildlife don't kill you, hypothermia will.
04:41You're a hunter?
04:42Yep.
04:43My whole life.
04:45Normally I would bow to you letting your primal impulse loose.
04:50But given the circumstances...
04:51I've never boiled my prey to death.
04:53And how are we supposed to know that?
04:55Listen, fella.
04:56Where I come from...
04:58If you call someone a murderer, you better back it up.
05:02Prove me wrong, big guy.
05:04Okay.
05:05Let's all just...
05:06Let's all just calm down.
05:08Let's calm down.
05:09Okay.
05:10Everybody go back to your rooms.
05:12Lock your doors.
05:13We'll bed down for the night and by the morning portion I will have a plan for how we can get out.
05:17That sounds sensible.
05:18I'm going to the kitchen.
05:20Get myself some food.
05:22Yeah.
05:23Help yourself to whatever you want.
05:24Yeah.
05:25I'm also going to help myself to a knife.
05:27I suggest everybody else do the same thing.
05:29I don't think arming everyone will make anybody safer.
05:32Look.
05:33If I've learned one thing from personal experience, crazy murders like these, they never stop at just one.
05:38What the hell?
05:39I know.
05:40You didn't stew that chef, did you?
05:41It's not my handiwork.
05:42But someone beat us to them.
05:43Good news is, they'll pin the RV on whoever killed that prick.
05:45Nice work on your talk about the wilderness and the weather.
05:47Yeah, well you gotta explain it to these city-bred morons that they can't just, you know, saunter 45 miles to safety.
05:53One of those people killed the chef.
05:54It's hard to believe that anyone from that pack of spoiled pussies pulled it off.
05:55Crow or Hawaiian might be capable.
05:56What, the wacky spiritual guy and the artist?
05:57No.
05:58No.
05:59No.
06:00No.
06:01No.
06:02No.
06:03No.
06:04No.
06:05No.
06:06No.
06:07No.
06:08No.
06:09No.
06:10No.
06:11No.
06:12No.
06:13No.
06:14No.
06:15No.
06:16No.
06:17No.
06:18No.
06:19No.
06:20No.
06:21No.
06:22No.
06:23No.
06:24No.
06:25No.
06:26No.
06:27No.
06:28Portia seems too put together to be shacked up with a killer.
06:31Someone did it.
06:32And the bigger question is why.
06:34Kids have been dressing up as us for Halloween for years.
06:39Maybe we have a copycat.
06:42Or, maybe we have a real Satanist in our midst.
06:47Do you really think so?
06:50Someone who understands the importance behind the timing of all this.
06:55And wants to complete the ritual for Baphomet.
06:58A ritual we started.
07:00Yeah.
07:01Whoever it is, we have to flesh them out.
07:04We cannot fail again.
07:07The gateway must be open to release Baphomet.
07:09We should just go and kill them all right now.
07:12Mm-mm.
07:13Patience.
07:14Patience, my love.
07:15The blood must be spilled as we move along Saturn's orbital period, marking its path.
07:20Yeah?
07:21You spill it all at once, or too soon, and the blood loses its magic.
07:26It won't have the power to open the gate.
07:29We don't have another 30 years to wait for Saturn's return, so this must be perfect.
07:39Okay?
07:40We'll figure out who's trying to steal our thunder, then.
07:44We'll make them pay with their life.
07:46Yeah.
07:47Slow.
07:48Mm-hmm.
07:57Someone knows how to use a knife.
07:59Someone had to.
08:00Right.
08:01You already popped your mass murder cherry.
08:04Yeah, it's not a joke.
08:07I never joke about serial killers.
08:14Why don't we room together?
08:18Why would we do that?
08:19Safety in numbers.
08:22Do you trust me?
08:23Mm-hmm.
08:24I trust you.
08:26I mean, it couldn't hurt rooming with someone who has already survived something like this.
08:31I just, I figure I have a better chance of making it out alive with you by my side.
08:56It was a crime scene, so I guess we should lock up down here.
09:02Right.
09:05Do you think the murderer, like, the original murderer, has come back?
09:10And finish what he's starting in?
09:12I don't.
09:13I mean, did we make this happen by reopening the motel?
09:19No.
09:21I promise you.
09:23Let's get this done fast.
09:24We'll go back to our room, lock our doors.
09:27We'll cuddle our way to tomorrow.
09:29Okay?
09:32Oh, God.
09:35Hey, we can't just leave him like that.
09:37We need to at least try and get him someplace cool.
09:41Maybe the walk-in fridge?
09:43I don't think I can.
09:46We got this.
09:48And we can do anything.
09:49Together.
09:50Okay, how are we going to get him into the kitchen?
09:56Guess we pull him out of here.
09:59Maybe put him on like a yoga mat and carry him the rest of the way?
10:05Sure.
10:06Oh, God.
10:07Oh, God.
10:08Oh, God.
10:09Oh, God.
10:10No, no.
10:11Portia!
10:12Oh, God.
10:13Oh, God.
10:14Oh, God.
10:15No, no.
10:16Portia!
10:17Oh, God.
10:18Oh, God.
10:19No.
10:20No.
10:21Portia!
10:23Oh, God.
10:24Oh, God.
10:25Oh, God.
10:26No, no.
10:27Portia!
10:28Portia!
10:43Andy.
10:45Shouldn't you be in your room?
10:47I mean, I guess you could say the same for me, but I will not starve to death.
10:54You okay?
10:58I guess, uh, writing about true crime isn't the same as being in it, right?
11:08You think we're going to make it?
11:10I can't answer that.
11:12No one can.
11:13I know this feels really far away from your regular life, but Andy, you were built for
11:21this.
11:22It's in your ancestral bones.
11:24You are the son of generations of survivors.
11:31Yeah.
11:32Take a breath with me.
11:36Yeah.
11:37That's it.
11:38And what I want you to do is I want you to breathe in your ancestors who fought and who struggled
11:45and who survived to get us to this point.
11:49Their genes made us the men we are today.
11:54We're lucky to be here.
11:55We're lucky to have survived to this point.
11:58And honestly, even in all this madness and challenge, I'm glad I'm here with you right now.
12:10Thanks.
12:11You have, uh, quite a gift.
12:23How are you so calm?
12:25I mean, are you even a little afraid?
12:28Of course.
12:29But I'm deeply interested in things that we look away from.
12:34That includes fear.
12:36Helps in moments like this.
12:39Whenever life gets scary, I walk purposefully towards it.
12:43I hope some of whatever you have is rubbing off on me, girl.
12:57This is probably the best sandwich I've had.
13:00It's soy sauce.
13:01It turns mayo into super mayo.
13:04Wow.
13:06Okay.
13:07Yeah.
13:08So, now that you're feeling awful and happy and appreciating my culinary secrets,
13:16do you think you could tell me a little bit about the Sigmund I killer?
13:21The murder you're part of now, it's not enough for you?
13:26Okay.
13:28Fine.
13:29I had to ask.
13:30But I get it.
13:32Okay.
13:33So, why don't you ask me something?
13:36Anything you want.
13:38You really travel all over the world just to bang these guys behind bars?
13:47I do.
13:49It's one of the perks of being a flight attendant.
13:51I can bang a killer on every continent.
13:55Like this one time.
13:58I was on a way over in Berlin.
14:00And I met up with this guy.
14:03Roland Lucas.
14:07He was a murderer who just got out.
14:10And this guy liked the German cliche, which as far as I can tell is 100% accurate.
14:17He was kanky.
14:19He had me all chained up.
14:24What, like actual chains?
14:27Oh yeah, they're way better than ropes.
14:28There's no bit.
14:30So, he had me all chained up.
14:32Arms in the air.
14:33Totally exposed.
14:35And you weren't like scared or anything like that?
14:39I don't know.
14:40I was fucking terrified.
14:41But you know what?
14:44It turned me on.
14:46Yeah?
14:47A lot of me.
14:49Fear and sex.
14:53We're not so far apart.
14:54Uh, hey, um, thanks for that pep talk.
15:16Hey, it's brave to be vulnerable.
15:18And thank you for trusting me enough to share what you're going through.
15:21You don't want to hang out.
15:24I, I, uh, swiped a big bag of almonds that I probably shouldn't eat alone.
15:30Yeah, I mean, it would pair really, really well with this, uh, bottle of red.
15:39Andy.
15:41I'm gonna make a run for it into town.
15:43I'm gonna get us some help.
15:45Okay, but in this storm?
15:46Doesn't sound like a good idea.
15:48I think I can make it.
15:50With the work I do, I've logged many hours in extreme weather.
15:53Heat.
15:54Cold.
15:56I'm used to suffering.
15:57Okay, but, I mean, you heard that guy.
15:59There's bears.
16:00There's mountain lions.
16:02I can't just sit here and do nothing.
16:05I will go crazy.
16:07I don't know.
16:16Says it's the most waterproof coat on the market.
16:23Stay safe.
16:24Stay safe.
16:42Who is that?
16:43Can't see who it is exactly.
16:50One of our little lambs is getting away.
16:53Like hell they are.
17:02We need nine sacrifices to open that portal.
17:05Can I kill this asshole?
17:06And I'll do some reconnaissance on my own.
17:14Be careful.
17:16For all we know, this could be our killer.
17:18I've never bagged me a killer before.
17:20It's a big offering for Baphomet.
17:50That was...
18:03Owl.
18:05Sad.
18:13I will get one of the others to help me tomorrow.
18:16Are you going to be okay?
18:20I just want to sleep.
18:22I'll sleep till this is over and until the police get here.
18:29You should.
18:34Until the bed.
18:37Good.
18:41I'm sorry.
18:43For making you do that.
18:44You didn't want to and I should have.
18:47We should have never bought this place.
18:50Portia.
18:52Come on.
18:53This was our dream.
18:54No.
18:56No.
18:58This was your dream.
19:00And I never should have bankrolled your sick and perverted nightmare.
19:08This is an awful moment.
19:09But it is one tiny stumbling block.
19:14Stumbling block?
19:16His arm fell off like an overcooked joint of meat.
19:23And that is what this place is about, right?
19:25And you love it for it.
19:27I love this story.
19:28No, you love all of it.
19:29Your grotesque obsession with murder and the poor people who died here.
19:36I think that you're happy that they died.
19:38Of course I'm not.
19:39And now you have some new victim to fangirl over.
19:42It's just...
19:45Your obsessions, Ruby.
19:46They repulse me.
19:47Like, you repulse me.
19:48You repulse me.
20:09I'm sorry.
20:10Okay, I shouldn't have said that.
20:11It's not you.
20:12It's just...
20:13It's this place.
20:15You meant every last word.
20:18And you don't get to try and smooth that over now.
20:21You don't get to pretend that everything we have been building
20:24is suddenly perverted and disgusting.
20:27I am so tired!
20:30I'm being here on a special project!
20:33I'm so tired!
20:34I'm never living up here!
20:35You're all here to now stand up!
20:38So you can go screw yourself, Portia!
20:44You know what?
20:46Better yet...
20:48Paint a target on your chest.
20:50He let that murdering bastard try and find your heart.
20:55Then rip it straight out of you.
20:56I'm sorry!
20:57I'm sorry!
20:58I'm sorry!
20:59How are you?
21:04Shit!
21:05I'm sorry!
21:06I'm sorry!
21:07I'm sorry!
21:08I might be sorry!
21:09I don't have a problem!
21:10You can't understand that and be stupid.
21:12You don't have a problem.
21:13I'm sorry!
21:14I'm sorry!
21:15I'm sorry!
21:16I'm sorry!
21:17I'm sorry!
21:18I'm sorry!
21:19I'm sorry!
21:20You should neverForm!
21:21You should never know how to move on!
21:22This is...
21:23You run, that beast will run you down, he'll be eating your living before you get back up the top of this road.
21:29You must stand your ground and scare it off.
21:33Move on, you bastard!
21:35Get out of here!
21:37Move on, get!
22:08Just keep that.
22:18Jumpy bugger, aren't you?
22:22What are you doing out here?
22:24What did I say about you?
22:26I'm going to get us help.
22:28You're gonna become a chew toy.
22:30Which is why I told everyone else to wait until at least sunrise.
22:34I guess I forgot the part where I take orders from you.
22:37So what's your real name?
22:42Don't say Crow.
22:43Because that is some made up Indian bull caca.
22:46I only got your first name.
22:48Floyd Dantry.
22:49What's yours?
22:50You got ID, Floyd Dantry?
22:53I lost in the RV fire.
22:55That's convenient.
22:57You got ID, Floyd Dantry?
23:00I lost in the RV fire.
23:02That's convenient.
23:04I'm sorry.
23:06That's convenient.
23:07You suspecting of something?
23:09I suspect everybody.
23:12Except Hemingway.
23:15So you and your wife, you just...
23:18show up?
23:19At some out of the way hole in the wall motel that you apparently don't know about?
23:24And some mysterious fire destroys your RV?
23:28Yeah, I suspect that a bunch and you would too.
23:31So why don't you tell me what you're really doing here?
23:33How about I show you?
23:37Brad!
23:38Brad, where are you?
23:39Brad!
23:40Brad, where are you?
23:41Yes, I didn't have to worry.
23:42I didn't know you'd have company.
23:43Yeah, no, there's nothing to worry about.
23:44Well, the wolf you just ran into said otherwise.
23:45Mother Nature.
23:46She can be one mean, dangerous bitch.
23:47Okay, wait.
23:48You saw one wolf?
23:49There'll probably be others nearby.
23:51We should go.
23:52No, no, no.
23:53I'm not going to sit on my hands in that motel, Andy.
23:55Talk some sense into him, Floyd.
23:56That's what I came out here to do.
23:57I can't do it.
23:58I'll have to do it.
23:59You could do it.
24:00I know you.
24:01I don't know.
24:02I can't do it.
24:03I can't do it.
24:04I can't do it.
24:05I can do it.
24:06I can't do it.
24:07I can't do it.
24:08I can't do it.
24:09I can't do it.
24:10I have to do it.
24:11I can't do it.
24:12I can't do it.
24:13Talk some sense into him, Floyd.
24:14That's what he came out here to do.
24:16He insists on this foolishness.
24:18I just, wow.
24:20Can't let him go on this track alone.
24:24I ain't that kind of guy.
24:33Oh, yeah, I guess I can't wait till morning.
24:36Good man.
24:37Sane man.
24:43Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I just...
24:58You don't want to?
24:59I do, I do.
25:00I just...
25:01It feels like we're moving maybe a little bit too fast, don't you think?
25:06But, like, Hemingway...
25:07Oh, Hemingway just reminds me that life is short.
25:10We need a little better than any of them, right?
25:11I mean, you know what you want.
25:14Why should you wait for it?
25:16I mean, are you really...
25:18Are you really...
25:20I think I'm not what you want.
25:22...is to see...
25:24I swear...
25:26What?
25:28Whoa, whoa, whoa, um...
25:29You don't have to be embarrassed.
25:30You don't have to hide anything from your boy.
25:31I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
25:32I just, I...
25:34Why do you want to see them?
25:35Um...
25:37Oh, my God.
25:41You were sliced and diced.
26:06Exactly.
26:14Yeah, it's a poker, a fireplace poker.
26:19It's not about to poke with anything I want.
26:22I've got a feeling you want it.
26:24Oh, uh...
26:30No way.
26:34No, no, no, I...
26:35I don't think so.
26:37I also...
26:38I don't know if now's the right time...
26:41...for something like that.
26:44Mm-hmm.
26:45There's a murderer out in the halls and...
26:49Really?
26:53Oh, Jesus.
26:55Okay.
27:02Okay.
27:04Look.
27:08Locked.
27:12Locked.
27:14Okay.
27:15Mm-hmm.
27:16Locked.
27:21Locked.
27:21Locked.
27:22Locked.
27:23You're safe.
27:28Well...
27:29...safe as you want to be.
27:32Okay.
27:39Mm-hmm.
27:45Mm-hmm.
27:48Mm-hmm.
27:52Mm-hmm.
27:53Hey.
27:54Mm-hmm.
27:55Okay.
28:16Okay.
28:18Okay.
28:23Yeah.
28:39Who's my good boy?
28:51Who's my good boy?
29:19Uh...
29:21Put that away.
29:22But I like it.
29:24No.
29:25Put it away.
29:26But it's funny.
29:27What is that for you?
29:28Unlock the cuffs.
29:29Shh.
29:30Calm down.
29:31Don't worry about it.
29:32You're safe.
29:33Unlock the cuffs.
29:34Unlock the fucking cuffs!
29:36He is...
29:39He is...
29:43He is...
29:45thought this was an art installation not a performance art piece this this is all shit
30:12I thought it looked pretty damn good soda
30:17cheers
30:27isn't this just part of that artistic process we all hear about you try to make something great
30:39you doubt it no I've spent my entire career translating these horrors into visual visceral
30:50media but all this time I've been nothing but a hack come on why are you saying that seeing actual
30:57murder up close and personal what I was doing was just play acting you're being too hard on yourself
31:02no way you saw Hemingway you saw his body that's what murder is that was the real deal
31:09everything I do is just a photocopy
31:13maybe you need to try your hand at murder
31:20what I'm saying is if you need to invest yourself in your art that might be your only option
31:33or you can just try changing your oeuvre to something less bloody
31:40do you think you could do that kill someone
31:45in the heat of the moment sure we all have a killer hiding within us
31:53Jesus you gave me a heart attack
32:15oh it could have been a lot worse
32:16you should be in your room doors locked
32:18yeah look who's talking
32:20crow here thought he could walk 12 plus hours to get help
32:33hold on save your complex this guy
32:35I'm going to bed
32:36yeah me too I'm beat and Cheryl's probably worried
32:39good night and sleep with the angels
32:42I trust that guy about as far as I can throw him
32:54who that good old boy
32:56and his machete
32:57we're all carrying weapons
33:00I get that
33:01but I'm a very good reader of people Andy and that guy
33:05with his glaring eyes and his tough guy stance
33:09that guy's a killer trust me
33:13ultimately he gives off weird vibes
33:15but he could have killed us both out there if he wanted
33:17return back to the motel
33:19no one the wiser
33:20he's biding his time
33:21until he can pull off something Hemingway level awful
33:24and you know what that means
33:27the rest of us we have to stay on guard
33:31we have to stick together
33:34boy
33:57what are you doing out there
34:01ending your outdoor things
34:03I hope you wiped off all that mud
34:05cause if you damage any of the wood
34:07you'll be charged for her
34:09her soul must be dispatched to hell
34:21not in the middle of the goddamn hallway Floyd
34:23I swear
34:25left to your own devices
34:27where's your sweetheart
34:47can we talk
34:49you're not the only one that said things she shouldn't have
34:57I'm sorry for all of it
35:00I'm sorry for all of it
35:01Borsha
35:05love
35:07love
35:08love
35:09love
35:22love
35:23I don't know.
35:53Stupid! Stupid! Idiot!
36:00You did not drink Viker, Phantom.
36:09I cannot stay here. I cannot stay here cooped up.
36:15Tell me that wasn't amazing.
36:18Tell me that wasn't the hottest, craziest sex
36:23you've ever had in your entire life.
36:25That was something.
36:29That was everything.
36:34Can you do the other hand?
36:36I guess.
36:37Since you've been such a good boy.
36:43I'm free, though.
36:48Here's a question, and that's definitely on my mind.
36:51Who do you think is going to bite the bullet next?
36:56I'd really rather not think about that.
37:00Well, you should, because if we don't figure out who the killer is,
37:04he or she will strike again.
37:06And we want to make sure we're out of here safe
37:08before they call our number.
37:10So, what do you think it's going to be?
37:13I don't know.
37:15Oh, I have a better question.
37:16Who do you want it to be?
37:19No one.
37:23Look, I know
37:24after everything you've been through
37:26that life is precious and all that,
37:28but come on.
37:29You're human.
37:31There's got to be someone
37:32who you wish meets the chewing end of a chainsaw.
37:37You could totally kill someone here
37:38and get away with it.
37:40I mean, you could just do it
37:41and then blame the psycho murderer, right?
37:43So, who would that be?
37:46Okay, so for me,
37:47I think it would be Prissy Page.
37:50Yeah?
37:50I did kind of like the first Doom Service,
37:53and she was okay in it.
37:55But if I'm honest,
37:56each sequel was worse than the last,
37:58and that was because of how grating she was.
38:01Always running and crying
38:03and being all self-righteous.
38:05I mean, it's boring.
38:07And her sex scenes, my God.
38:09She screws like someone who's never seen a dick.
38:13Yeah.
38:15Yeah, we kill her.
38:17And then once we're out of here,
38:19safe and sound,
38:20we translate all the fame and fortune
38:22into another book for you
38:24and an acting career for me.
38:27I could play Caitlin in the next Doom Service.
38:29Or actually, no,
38:30I should just play myself.
38:32I'm more badass, definitely sexier.
38:34People would eat me up.
38:39What do you think?
38:41Want to be famous?
38:44That was messed up.
38:45Oh, come on.
38:47I'm just playing what if.
38:48Yeah, about murdering an innocent woman
38:51who hasn't done a thing to you.
38:53Okay, it doesn't have to be her.
38:55We could save her for last.
38:59Yeah, Paige's death would have to be poetic.
39:02A has-been actor.
39:04How do we kill them?
39:07Replace a prop knife with a real knife.
39:10Oh, no, I know.
39:11I know, Blake.
39:13We cram all our bad reviews down her throats.
39:19What, Blake?
39:20I'm joking.
39:22Jesus.
39:24How are you?
39:26Yes.
39:28Oh, Blake.
39:29Jesus.
39:31Oh.
39:33I'm not a monster.
39:35I'm misunderstood.
39:36That was fun.
39:47Pussy.
39:47Ugh.
40:06Oh, man.
40:18Oh.
40:23Oh.
40:24Oh.
40:33Oh.
40:33Do we even need that? I mean, I can just set us up on a texting system instead.
40:53It's the actual bell they had here the night of the murders.
40:56Ah, you didn't tell me that.
40:58No, because you'd get all freaked out.
41:01We want you to be happy and enjoy what we're doing.
41:07Because what we're doing, babe, is starting the next chapter of our lives together.
41:13I would just enjoy the weekend so much more if our closest neighbors weren't hours away.
41:18All the best horror takes place in isolation.
41:21Evil Dead, Kevin in the Woods.
41:23The Shining.
41:25Wow.
41:26The Portia I met and fell in love with would have thought The Shining was just some kind of yoga retreat.
41:31Trust me.
41:36This is good.
41:38I trust you with my life.
41:47Our guests are here.
41:48I'm here.
41:54I'm here.
41:55Yeah.
41:55Yeah.
41:55I don't know.
42:25Where should you hear that?
42:55Of course, huh?
43:02I'm raining like cats and dogs.
43:17There must be a week somewhere.
43:24I don't know.
43:31I don't know.
43:38I don't know.
43:45I don't know.
43:46I don't know.
43:47I don't know.
43:48I don't know.
43:52I don't know.
43:59I don't know.
44:01I don't know.
44:03I don't know.
44:10I don't know.
44:12I don't know.
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