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00:00Music
00:12Music
00:16Music
00:20Music
00:24Music
00:28Music
00:29Music
00:33Music
00:37Music
00:41Music
00:43Music
00:49Oh God!
00:51What's the matter if you didn't?
00:53You can warn off evil spirits with that mush!
00:55Hey! Happy Wedding Day to you and all!
00:57Yeah, it's every little girl's dream isn't it? A fake wedding to launch a limo business!
01:03Oh, I'm so grateful, ain't I?
01:05I'm giving you the day of your dreams, wedding dress, limo, ceremony on the bank of the Thames.
01:11Listen, we can do it legally next week.
01:13That's if you still want to.
01:15Of course I do.
01:17I'd love to be Mrs Moon again.
01:19I'll tell you what.
01:21You're a thou...
01:22You're awkward, aren't you?
01:23How about we get Virgil out of the bed side cabinet and pa- pa-pa-p, p p the ja?
01:27Yeah, you naughty girl!
01:29Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
01:31Oh God, you know what? I can't...
01:33What's the matter?
01:34What's the matter?
01:35I can't get Tommy's vile porno out of my head.
01:38Okay, okay, now I get it, but that clip was probably spam.
01:41I can't even watch that film.
01:43No, I hope not.
01:44Because I can't have my boy treating women like that.
01:47I've got to talk to him.
01:49Okay, I don't think that's the sort of chat he should have for his mum.
01:52And I don't want him lashing out because you don't trust him, you know.
01:55Well, then you talk to him, yeah?
01:57Today, because he's really important.
01:59Yeah, I will probably have a man to man with him.
02:02All right, why, you make yourself pretty to marry the man of your dreams.
02:07Idris Elba.
02:08What's he going to be here?
02:09I can't.
02:10I'm joking.
02:11Yeah.
02:12Out.
02:13Cheers.
02:14I love you.
02:15Well, I love you too.
02:17Idris Elba.
02:25Come in.
02:27Morning, morning.
02:29It's Cat and Alfie's wedding day.
02:31We've got to get going.
02:32Come on.
02:33Patrick, get up.
02:34Here's your coffees.
02:36Milky two sweeteners.
02:41Black and strong.
02:43Like your man.
02:50Sorry.
02:51So, I take it that your dinner didn't go too well then, no?
03:02He has decided that our intimate life is over.
03:06No discussion.
03:08No interest in my, my wishes.
03:12Patrick.
03:13He wouldn't.
03:14He wouldn't.
03:18Well, you know, you've both been through a lot.
03:21No.
03:22What happened happened to me.
03:24I know it's been difficult for Patrick as well.
03:28I am tired of holding his hand throughout it all.
03:32He is, I'm tired.
03:34I deserve a man.
03:35A man who treats me with respect and care.
03:47Without me having to ask all the time.
03:52It's a bit early, isn't it?
03:59Yeah, we had words last night.
04:01So I slept in Kojo's old room.
04:04Thought I'd give the wife some space.
04:06Which one?
04:07You're like one of them Swiss clocks.
04:09I don't know which Mrs Knight is going to pop out next.
04:11Hey, I love Elaine.
04:12I just need her to believe it.
04:14Well, stay away from your exes.
04:16Because, like Elaine, I've had it all before.
04:18Yeah, you all right.
04:20I've got to do something special.
04:23I need ideas.
04:25Think, Flip.
04:26Well, don't get flowers from a garage.
04:28I've learned that the hard way.
04:29Thanks, Oprah.
04:31Did she have a karaoke machine?
04:34No, no.
04:35You're talking to the wrong man.
04:36But I know someone that does.
04:39Great.
04:41He's lovely.
04:46How did you know?
04:48I promised you a dream day, didn't I?
04:50Well, do you want some sugar with that?
04:52After the wedding, Nana Mo can't call us that word anymore.
04:55When your mum and dad aren't married.
04:57What?
04:58Legitimate.
04:59Nah.
05:00She called us cheeky.
05:01Stop it.
05:02Stop it.
05:03Nana Mo shouldn't be saying things like that.
05:05And you won't be anymore, will you?
05:06No.
05:07You want more chocolate sauce?
05:08No.
05:09You'll be bouncing off the walls.
05:10Boo!
05:11Boo!
05:12Boo!
05:13Hang on a minute.
05:14It's not you who's going to be clearing up the sick, is it?
05:15Yeah, it's fine.
05:16It's not every day that mum may get married, is it?
05:18Bye.
05:19Bye.
05:20Tommy, now listen, your dad won't...
05:21Okay, listen.
05:22It'll be all our problems.
05:23I'll have a chat with him, dear.
05:24Right.
05:25Who wants more of this?
05:26Mum?
05:27Hmm?
05:28Are you going to be okay with Belfi marrying another woman?
05:29Well, why wouldn't I be?
05:30Oh, I don't know.
05:31Look, he is my mate.
05:32Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:33Right, let's get this one.
05:34Oh, I don't know.
05:35I don't know.
05:36Look, he is my mate.
05:37Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:38Right, let's get this party started.
05:40We are already on it.
05:41Thank you very much.
05:42Is, er, George helping out today?
05:45Mum, you...
05:48What on earth is that?
05:51I'm the first in life.
05:54Only I'm still free.
05:56Take a chance, sir.
05:58It's good, isn't he?
05:59Let me know, I'll be alright.
06:02Benny will be alright.
06:03He's got a whole place to go.
06:05Dreaming down.
06:07It's good, isn't he?
06:08Cheers.
06:09Cheers.
06:10Cheers.
06:11You're making a right show of yourself, George.
06:13I love you, Elaine Knight.
06:14Spent the rest of my life proving that to you.
06:18I can't do this.
06:21What?
06:22Um...
06:23George.
06:24Sorry, mate.
06:25You know what?
06:26If you want me and Kat to have the reception somewhere else, it's no way.
06:28Oh, absolutely not.
06:29No, me and Elaine are fine.
06:30And we are going to throw you and Kat the reception you deserve.
06:33Thanks, mate.
06:34You're a top man.
06:35My two favourites getting married.
06:36How are you feeling?
06:37I'm excited, Fred.
06:38Just give us a sec, mate.
06:39I'm with you.
06:40What?
06:41Oh, you are kidding me.
06:42Oh, what a beauty!
07:07Oh, nice one. I've been wearing some ice cream tonight.
07:10I'm not sure about something.
07:12Stick to the script and you'll be sweet, mate.
07:15Everyone's gonna love that gag about your mum's exes.
07:18I'm not sure I'm gonna say that.
07:22Right, Mr Popula, who's that?
07:24It's just the group chat.
07:26Yeah, what they're saying?
07:28Denzel said that Vicky asked them to be mates with y'all.
07:32No, she never.
07:34And they're not coming to your party tonight.
07:36It's because Vicky's made me out to be a total loser. I'd avoid me.
07:39I'm not a Varnie thing.
07:41Whose side are you on, bro?
07:43Yours.
07:44Obviously.
07:45I need you to wrap my gags, don't I?
07:48Yeah.
07:51Yeah.
07:52So you still wanna come to mine later, after the weather?
07:54I'll try, yeah.
07:57What'd you get?
07:59George's singing weren't that bad.
08:09Quite sweet, really.
08:11It's not that.
08:13Whatever it is, that's not the answer.
08:16Last night?
08:17I slept with someone.
08:19They're excited.
08:21I've pumped them full of sugar.
08:22Oh, they're beautiful.
08:23Yeah.
08:24Well, go on through.
08:25I'm just finishing my buffet contribution.
08:26All right, what are you making?
08:27Oh, I've reimagined my sausage surprise infused with my fishy basket.
08:28Guess what it's called?
08:29Sausage in a basket?
08:30Fishy surprise.
08:31Yum.
08:32Okay, now, Cat, to honour your nuptuals, Maureen and I, I and Maureen, have prepared a poetry
08:35recital entitled, I'm just finishing my buffet contribution.
08:38All right, what are you making?
08:39Oh, I've reimagined my sausage surprise infused with my fishy basket.
08:44Guess what it's called?
08:45Sausage in a basket?
08:46Fishy surprise.
08:47Yum.
08:48Okay, now, Cat, to honour your nuptuals, Maureen and I, I and Maureen, have prepared a poetry
09:00title entitled, An Ode to Love.
09:07Good on.
09:15There once was a woman called Slater, as we find as a jacket potato.
09:20The love of our life.
09:21They were nothing but strife.
09:22Let's hope she don't say see you later.
09:26Oh, potato, Slater, not exactly Pam Hayes, is it?
09:29I couldn't think anything to rhyme with a second-hand dartboard.
09:34Wow.
09:35Oh, well, well.
09:38Drink?
09:39No, you're all right.
09:40I'm going to keep me wits about me.
09:42What, you're going to marry Alfie Moon Sober?
09:44No.
09:45What's that?
09:48What's that?
09:49Come on.
09:50Come on.
09:51Come on.
09:52It's your family.
09:53It's your mate.
09:54Yeah, but...
09:55No, I'm not going out there.
09:56I feel sick.
10:02Great.
10:03Shoes.
10:05Alfie.
10:07I was just so angry at him for lying to me again.
10:10I'm going to see Sabrina.
10:13I always think him and Cindy are up to no good.
10:15She's there haunting us all the time like the ghosts of Christmas past, but with cheaper jewelry.
10:20So, so, you slept with another man, what, to get back at him?
10:25No.
10:27Who was it?
10:29Oh, it's not Ian, is it?
10:30Absolutely not.
10:31What do you think of me?
10:32No, his name was...
10:35Steven.
10:36Did he take advantage of you?
10:38No, he was lovely.
10:39Look.
10:40I was crying on Drew's shoulder.
10:43Oh.
10:44No good ever came from Drew Peacock.
10:47Well, no, you're wrong actually.
10:48He made me realise that I was just a support act for Georgie's ex-wives.
10:52Whereas I should have been top billing.
10:54Yeah, well, he knows his audience.
10:56This has nothing to do with Drew.
10:58This is all on me.
10:59In that moment, Steven made me feel desirable, attractive, wanted.
11:10And I just thought it would make me feel better.
11:12You did it?
11:14What do you think?
11:17For what it's worth, I am on your side.
11:21What have I done?
11:24I've ruined everything for a cheap fumble under a bright nylon bedspread.
11:28George and Cindy have been making you feel insecure since you walked back into his life.
11:33You know, everybody has a breaking point.
11:36But this...
11:38George will leave me.
11:41I can't lose him, Linda.
11:43I can't tell him.
11:45You're not going to keep it a secret.
11:47Do you blame me?
11:49You can't keep this to yourself.
11:51It'll kill you slowly from the inside.
11:54Believe me, I know.
11:55I cannot tell him.
11:56You have to.
11:58And just, just hope that he finds a way past this.
12:04Lady.
12:06George.
12:07We need to talk.
12:08Me first.
12:10You are the only woman I love.
12:15I promise.
12:18And if I see one of my ex-wives, I'll cross the street to avoid her.
12:23Right?
12:26Will you forgive me?
12:27I'll forgive you.
12:28I'll forgive you.
12:42I told Alfie this would happen, but he's made me act to be a bad cop.
12:51If he listened as much as he talked, we'd be alright.
12:55You have met Alfie, right?
12:56Who is it that said?
12:57The definition of insanity is when you do the same thing again and again and expect a different result.
13:07Mick Jagger.
13:09Alfie Moon!
13:10Do you think I'm making a mistake doing this for the third time?
13:12No!
13:14Alfie would never intentionally hurt you.
13:17Not like some men I know.
13:19I mean, he'd never sleep with a slapper from the greasy spoon.
13:22He slept with Hayley and he lied through his teeth about it.
13:24Jane, nip down the shop and get some more booze, eh?
13:28All I'm saying is that Alfie might inadvertently let you down.
13:32Jane!
13:34Ignore her.
13:36If you don't marry Alfie, I'll have him myself.
13:39You and Alfie, you are love's young dream.
13:45Love's perimenopausal sweaty nightmare more like, but thanks for that.
13:50This bog cleaner.
13:52Fresh as a daisy.
13:54Nice.
13:56Yeah.
13:58Lovely.
14:00So the photographer wants to know where to take the picture.
14:03Don't give her fingers, Alfie.
14:04I've polished her within an inch of her life.
14:07Right, okay.
14:09So you sort the motor, yeah?
14:10Key's in the ignition.
14:11I've got to go and get my chauffeur and clover.
14:12And don't forget, today is meant to be about promoting our business, yeah?
14:15Yeah, gotcha.
14:16Alright, see you later.
14:19Hey!
14:22Tommy!
14:23Hold up!
14:25I've been trying to call you for ages.
14:27Listen to me.
14:28Couple of things, alright buddy?
14:29Using my credit card.
14:31Not call.
14:32Oh, sorry.
14:33Okay.
14:34Me and your mum saw something on the laptop.
14:35It was a bit of a video nasty, but I told it was spam.
14:39Yeah, it was.
14:41Yeah, whatever.
14:42Listen, you've got to be careful to internet, mate,
14:43because there's a lot of dark stuff on there, alright?
14:45Alright, is that it?
14:46Yeah.
14:47Actually, no.
14:48Hold up, hold up.
14:49Okay, this is man to man, alright?
14:51Now, you know that you're at that age where you're starting to have sweet dreams.
14:55I get it, okay?
14:56And it's normal to watch girls on film.
14:58But, Frankie says, relax.
15:01Yes, mate, when I was your age, we didn't have the internet.
15:04We had magazines if you wanted to see the pointless sisters.
15:07Okay.
15:08Okay, so, if anyone asks to see your Kajagoogus, you tell them that you're too shy, shy.
15:13You get me?
15:14Can I go now?
15:15Yeah!
15:19I used to.
15:20Jean, Jean, you ain't seen the limo, have you?
15:31Hello?
15:32Has anyone seen the limo?
15:34It was just, it was just there.
15:37It's a white limo.
15:38Hey.
15:39I'm really glad that you and Dad have sorted things out.
15:43I'm really sorry for my party now.
15:45The hated lion's ear.
15:48Thank you, darling.
15:49It's forgotten.
15:51Elaine.
15:52Catch.
15:54Oh.
15:55Well, that shouldn't be allowed at your age.
15:59You all right, Grant?
16:01Normally you'd be making a joke.
16:03You know, your audience always the man you feel.
16:06I must be slipping.
16:08Hey.
16:09Carla, nice.
16:10What a team, eh?
16:15Love you.
16:16Mmm.
16:17You too.
16:27Stolen.
16:28Yes.
16:29In broad daylight.
16:31No.
16:32No, I don't know how they've got the keys.
16:34This club on the clock's ticking.
16:35I promise cats get to the wedding in style, yeah?
16:37Helicopter.
16:38Oh, okay.
16:39Let me just give me to Branson, yeah?
16:41Um, a motorbike and sidecar.
16:43What?
16:44Tina, have you been watching Two Fat Ladies?
16:46I heard about this footballer.
16:47He swam up to his wedding on the back of a dolphin.
16:50What?
16:51First you get my limo stolen and now you're talking about hitching a ride across the Thames on a dolphin.
16:56Hey, honestly, you really are as stupid as you look.
16:59Don't talk to him like that.
17:00He has promised Cat the perfect wedding and some men live up to their word.
17:03He has lost me a fortune.
17:04Well, now you know what it feels like to lose something you care about.
17:08Off you pop.
17:11Hey, thanks, Jane.
17:13After how he's behaved.
17:15Not having him throw you under a bus.
17:18You know what?
17:19You are a genius.
17:20So I need you to do me a favour.
17:21You too, Billy.
17:22Right, here you go.
17:24Bacon sarnie.
17:25And I asked Marie to keep the rind on.
17:26Just don't tell you, Andy.
17:27You always been the favourite.
17:28Huh?
17:29Oh.
17:30Yeah?
17:31Still got the chat, ain't you?
17:32Shame you don't use the on the missus from time to time.
17:33So happened she sent you over to give me a lecture.
17:34Oh, no.
17:35No.
17:36No.
17:37No.
17:38No.
17:39No.
17:40No.
17:41No.
17:42No.
17:43No.
17:44No.
17:45No.
17:46No.
17:47No.
17:48No.
17:49No.
17:50No.
17:51No.
17:52No.
17:53No.
17:54No.
17:55No.
17:56No.
17:57No.
17:58No.
17:59She'd kill me if she knew I was betraying her confidence.
18:03But, Patrick, I'm worried.
18:07But I haven't done anything wrong at all.
18:11I've been patient.
18:13Would she angry at me for putting her needs first?
18:16No.
18:17No.
18:18She's angry for you making her choices for her.
18:22Look.
18:23No.
18:24No.
18:25No.
18:26No.
18:27No.
18:28No.
18:29No.
18:30No.
18:31No.
18:32No.
18:33No.
18:34No.
18:35No.
18:36No.
18:37No.
18:38No.
18:39No.
18:40No.
18:41No.
18:42No.
18:43He made me feel safe and cherished.
18:48So, she takes I don't cherish her?
18:53Well, did you tell her that?
18:56Look, Patrick, no matter how hard this is for you,
19:03it is ten times harder for you, Andy.
19:06So, come on, shake off all that male pride
19:13and ask her what she wants.
19:18Listen to her.
19:21And, yes, cherish her.
19:36So, what do you think, eh?
19:41Cinderella or the world's oldest mug?
19:43Dad would marry you wearing a bin bag.
19:45Isn't it nice, Mum?
19:47Look at you.
19:49A handsome boy and his new whistle.
19:51I look all right, don't I?
19:52Yeah?
19:53I don't know if any girls are coming to the reception.
19:55Probably.
19:57Has your dad spoke to you yet?
20:00Yeah.
20:02Banging on about some...
20:04Kanjigoo something?
20:06I didn't get most of it.
20:07All right.
20:09Sit down.
20:15I'm so proud of you, you know.
20:18The man that you're becoming.
20:20You're tall, handsome, clever.
20:24I think, how can I be his mum?
20:27And the way you sorted yourself out after...
20:29But what I've found on your laptop,
20:36that's another way of abusing women.
20:39Well, my mates are watching it.
20:41Well, they shouldn't be.
20:42It's horrible.
20:44And hateful.
20:47Sex should be tender.
20:49Oh, my God.
20:49And respectful of the woman.
20:52Respectful and consensual.
20:54Always.
20:55Have you got that?
20:59Do you understand me?
21:01Yes.
21:03What happened with you and me is one thing, but...
21:06If my son was treating his girlfriend like that...
21:12spiteful and violent...
21:14If you turned out to be one of those men, it would...
21:20It would kill me, Tommy.
21:24I won't, Mum.
21:26I promise.
21:28I'm so sorry I hurt you.
21:29I know you are.
21:30I know.
21:32I remember the old times.
21:34And it was just...
21:35You, me and the twins.
21:37You remember that far back?
21:39Of course.
21:39I've been so horrible to you, yet...
21:45You're the only person that's never let us down.
21:48Not Phil.
21:50Not Dad.
21:52You.
21:56All right, that's it.
21:57We're sorted.
22:00Ready to go and marry my dad, then?
22:02Yeah.
22:02I don't believe it.
22:11You've got it!
22:14That's brilliant.
22:15I didn't pay to find something like this.
22:17It's fantastic.
22:18Sorry, Alfie.
22:19It's just conked out.
22:20Ain't going anywhere in this heap of junk, Alf.
22:23Oh, please.
22:25Just someone give me a break, yeah?
22:27Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the wedding of the year.
22:34Hardly the way she battles through.
22:36I've learned that marriage is nothing without trust,
22:39so I'd like to thank my lovely Elaine for sticking by me,
22:42despite all my mistakes,
22:44making me one of the luckiest men alive.
22:48So, today, it's all about love.
22:51Yeah.
22:51The bread's on the way!
22:57Come on, let's go!
23:04Darling, I wonder, would you join me in the barrel store?
23:07That's an invitation I can't really refuse, but...
23:09Just give me a sec.
23:16It's all right, boys, yeah?
23:18Yeah.
23:21It's all right, boys.
23:22Yeah!
23:22Yeah!
23:31Wow.
23:32I like that.
23:35You look beautiful.
23:38Don't look too bad yourself.
23:39Oh, thank you.
23:39So, where's the limo?
23:42OK.
23:43You know, I promised you the perfect day, Ryan.
23:45I promise you it will be perfect,
23:48but the limo, it got nicked.
23:49Great.
23:50Yeah, but it doesn't matter,
23:51because I've come up with this other idea, right?
23:53Remember, I just told you I was a bus conductor.
23:54Remember, clip of the year, 83 or 84.
23:56Well, Billy and Jim, they helped me get a bus.
24:01But that's knackered.
24:03Get on with it.
24:04Right, the thing is, we have to get a bit of a jog on,
24:08otherwise we're going to miss our appointment with the cellar,
24:09but I was going to get us a cab,
24:11but they're all on other jobs.
24:12But Billy, Billy was kind enough to let me borrow his van,
24:16so just give me a sec, because, um...
24:21I'm so sorry to...
24:23Hey, keep an eye on the kids for me, will you?
24:26Easy.
24:27Get in the vic now.
24:30In the vic now.
24:32What is it?
24:49What have I done now?
24:50What I'm about to tell you
24:54might change everything.
24:59And I can tell you truthfully,
25:01I have never stopped loving you.
25:04And I will make it up to you.
25:05Come on.
25:07What do you say?
25:10Last night...
25:11Yeah.
25:15I slept with another man.
25:16Keck, you know, honestly,
25:22I'm really sorry about the limo,
25:24but what happened...
25:24I don't care about the limo.
25:27What I care about is his feeling of disappointment
25:29and dread in my guts.
25:34I know it so well.
25:36Right.
25:37I just feel like I'm walking into a burning building
25:39with my eyes wide open.
25:43I don't want to hurt you.
25:46Well, I'm scared.
25:50Okay.
25:50Well, I don't...
25:51I don't quite know what you're saying.
25:55I'm sorry, Alfie,
25:56but I don't want to marry you.