ES S04 E04 Confidences sur l'oreiller - gay theme series - video Dailymotion

The Gaymer

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Transcript

00:00Oh, fuck! I'm awake. Oh my god, wait. Well, I'm awake.

00:15Who needs coffee?

00:21I need a towel.

00:23Here you go. Use the sheet.

00:26It's nice starting the day the same way we ended the night, eh?

00:36All right. I'm headed out.

00:38Hey, I'm glad you finally texted me back.

00:41I was beginning to think you'd left your phone to New York.

00:44Yeah, we didn't have much time for small talk last night.

00:47Wow.

00:49So, what's going on? How's the practice?

00:51Congratulations on finishing your hours. It's fucking amazing.

00:54That's huge. Like, three years.

00:56Oh, yeah, thanks. It's, you know, it's just busy.

01:00Honestly, just spend my time sitting around talking to couples who really should just fucking break up.

01:06Wow. I hope you don't tell them that.

01:08No, but, I mean, I just hate seeing two gorgeous gay guys ruining their lives by adding needless responsibilities, like kids or marriage.

01:15I mean, do you know how many marriages these days end up in divorce?

01:19Um, yeah. I think it's like, it's like 50% or something right now.

01:23Wow. Really? Is that much?

01:25I'm not a numbers guy.

01:27I think the numbers actually gone down in recent years because people are waiting until they're older to get married.

01:31Oh.

01:32I think older people make better decisions, except when voting.

01:35That's actually a very optimistic statistic coming from you.

01:39You know, the thing that I see the most is couples who hurt each other without even noticing.

01:42No one wants to admit that they're hurt, and then no one wants to apologize.

01:45Sounds like we're getting a free therapy session.

01:47Oh, no. No, no, no. You boys don't need a therapy session.

01:51I mean, one, you're hot, and two, it seems like, you know, you're really honest with each other.

01:57Hmm.

01:58Okay, I mean, yes, but what do you mean?

02:01Generally, I feel like attractive people are less honest because, you know, we're conditioned to think that we can get away with things.

02:07You know, just how, like, my ugly people develop a sense of humor.

02:10Okay, so ugly people develop a sense of humor, and attractive people develop moral relativism?

02:16No, more like, I don't know, entitlement.

02:19So, are you saying that we're entitled or not that hot?

02:24Uh, if you were not that hot, you think I'd be here?

02:29Oh, my God, I am so tired. I have so much to do today.

02:33Me too.

02:34We should have just gone to bed.

02:36Probably.

02:39Why don't you invite Jared over last night?

02:41I think you wanted him to come.

02:44Forget about it.

02:54I think you made me after you come on my lips.

03:01Honey boy, place my ashes in a vase beneath your workout belly.

03:11Oh.

03:12Is it possible we just went to sleep 15 minutes ago?

03:20Mm-hmm.

03:21Cause that's what it feels like.

03:25I wanna die.

03:29How about, I'll get Sam right this morning?

03:33Hm?

03:35Wow, is it my birthday?

03:37That's in March.

03:43See, I knew you'd love me.

03:45We'll do whatever I want.

03:50Stay here.

03:52Be cute.

03:53Uh-huh.

03:54I'll be right back.

03:57Wait.

03:59Are you serious?

04:01You don't believe I can do it, do you?

04:05Hm.

04:08Oh.

04:10Oh.

04:15Oh, my fucking...

04:19Yeah.

04:21Tom's hot, dude.

04:24You learned a few tricks over the last few years.

04:28Gotta give credit to the crazy women I've been dating.

04:32Let's not call women crazy.

04:33That's like the first rule of the Time's Out movement.

04:35It's the second rule of the Time's Up movement, but you don't talk about the Time's Up movement.

04:40What you meant to say was that these complicated women taught you a lot about sex and you are forever grateful.

04:48You should write political speeches.

04:49Any guys in that mix?

04:50No, not really.

04:51Why do you ask?

04:52Just curious.

04:53This is a unique situation for me.

04:54I don't know.

04:55Honestly, no.

04:56Not in a long time.

04:57You're worried about HIV?

04:58We used a condom.

04:59And I know that not all gay guys have HIV.

05:00And that gay guys with HIV that are undetectable cannot transmit HIV.

05:01And that gay guys with HIV that are undetectable cannot transmit HIV.

05:02I don't know.

05:03I don't know.

05:04I don't know, really.

05:05Why do you ask?

05:06I'm just curious.

05:07I know.

05:08We are.

05:09I don't know.

05:10We had myself.

05:11I don't know.

05:12To the endow arm and to the making money is not mad.

05:19And that Dr. Oh, your both is injured.

05:27and that gay guys with hiv that are undetectable cannot transmit hiv

05:31not that you are gay or call yourself gay or pretend to be gay or anything gay or have hiv

05:39i don't know i feel like some people want labels for things that they're unfamiliar with and i

05:44don't really care about that well labels help certain people it is different and unfamiliar

05:53as you say good you have successfully labeled this feeling you know what we haven't labeled

06:02this this has never happened taking jason's sloppy seconds this i don't even i'm a little embarrassed

06:08actually he got your seconds and this is like thirds it's like thanksgiving up in here happy thanksgiving

06:15so like you don't really hook up with guys not like regularly no not really i'm usually in a

06:31relationship and honestly the opportunity doesn't present itself all that often you know that gay

06:36guys have a nap that literally delivers sex to their door not really a nap kind of guy face to face is so

06:43retro i love it so you're not on tinder nope scruff nope spider what's that just with you

06:51but a dating app called spider does sound like a nightmare yeah get caught in the web of ladies

06:57and gentlemen apparently is that weird for you dude no of course not

07:05i guess i'm just curious if you like have a number on the kinsey scale

07:09i don't know about a number but i guess i would say that i'm attracted to women more frequently

07:18sometimes i wonder if that's just because guys are unfamiliar to me but if there's a connection

07:25there's an attraction like with you so you're sort of pansexual that makes it sound like i'm into pans

07:31who doesn't love a good hot pan oh greasy and covered i have to go to my lunch shift damn i knew

07:40there was something i was forgetting this is good actually it's getting kind of awkward not because

07:44we're talking about guys because we're talking about guys and i'm totally naked

07:49i have to go make latte art someone has to do it keep in touch

07:53we'll do

08:00this place is a mess yep we need to get one of those robot servant roomba things or like a house boy

08:07we have a house boy his name's cheyenne he doesn't clean much but he follows you around with a camera

08:11and sleeps on the couch and now he's got a little boyfriend it's like we're running a homeless shelter

08:15for wayward pool boys thank you well i still think a robot slave would wake us like way cleaner and more

08:22domestic well we're getting married that's pretty domestic are we really doing this getting

08:28married oh going to brunch with your mom uh yes you need to meet my mother before we spend the rest of

08:35our lives together your life i plan on out living you by at least 30 years oh how by annoying me to

08:40death get dressed i need at least two hours to get ready well you have 15 minutes if you can't handle

08:46me at my worst you don't deserve me at your brunch i want to acknowledge that this week has been hurtful

08:52for both of us but you need to get over it because i am yeah because you got everything your way except

08:57the thing i wanted the most so which clearly you're going to need to let go of eventually

09:03i have not and it will live in my chest until it turns into cancer all right seriously you are

09:08meeting my mother my body my choice i don't care what you normally wear blossom but this is diane

09:14all right diane the first person to graduate college in my family the first female partner of

09:19her law firm vote a republican in every election except this last one and can smell artifice a mile

09:25away well you're lucky i smell like sandalwood with notes of vanilla and gay bar that smell never comes

09:30off my signature scent is undetectable in ascent demand because i make you take your pills okay no no no

09:36okay come on that's not even your shade now that shade get changed it's my mom fine

09:47little tie-dye bitch

09:53we're out of hemp milk only you drink that crap we still all rape cows or whatever

10:00so i'm curious how did derek do with sam

10:08he did his best which was okay d minus

10:20you know i didn't even appreciate sleeping in i feel like all i do is sleep wake up do a bunch of

10:26things on a to-do list go back to sleep it's like a cycle of never-ending non-existence

10:32wow i didn't know we were gonna do an existential crisis over breakfast should i have made gluten-free

10:37muffins am i useful you know what you have hipster ennui maybe we do need gluten-free muffins

10:48ever since i've moved into this house i've seen you do an amazing job of taking care of everything

10:54making derek happy and keeping sam out of trouble but it's like you're still waiting for life to make

11:00some big reveal to you what do you think is going to happen you think you're gonna end up in some

11:05sort of princess diary situation are you secretly a princess what would that make you a prince

11:12what you have is better i'm just not sure being a big little eyes wife is what i had planned

11:25yeah what did you have planned

11:30well nothing

11:35so is it really such a bad existence

11:37you're right i'm gonna take derek out tonight we're gonna celebrate our amazing life and we're

11:47gonna talk about adult things and we're gonna drink booze oh calm down there wild child

11:54could you watch sam

11:57i have a date with who

12:00with this girl jill we've been seeing each other for like a week so i'm pretty sure she's my girlfriend

12:18hey can i bring my brother's eight-year-old on our date tonight

12:23cool that's what i thought you'd say okay see you tonight she said it sounded fun yes

12:34this is actually non-emergency urgent care sounds like you need the emergency room it's burning

12:40front or the back back that does seem urgent sit down could you make sure that we do a follow-up

12:49on the grant kid his mother's worried about his sleeping but he just needs more exercise

12:55i went to a rave last night i know they're back apparently very confusing evening though i spent

13:02the whole night trying to figure out all the different places you can put glow sticks

13:06not in my butt just in the building different locations around it's like a warehouse it was very

13:13dark so that's my excuse for being so tired what's yours you got some uh domestic troubles no why

13:21would i mean maybe i don't know i don't know okay will you know what you want my advice no i never

13:31take advice from a man who buys a condo in mar vista hey marvis has been up and coming for the past 10

13:36years and it's gonna it's gonna be coming very soon it's gonna not just be up it's gonna be coming

13:41all over me soon plus i just i don't like seeing my only work friend so depressed you really need to

13:52find some new friends well that's gonna be a challenge because first he has to have a likable

13:56personality wait are we talking derek's relationship issues here because if so i went in okay fine i'm

14:04feeling a little stuck a little just stagnant yeah well we all feel stuck sometimes i feel stuck all the

14:14time because of my aforementioned marvis the condominium jeremy and i had this great morning

14:20and then that just made me realize that most of the time that we're around each other it's like

14:25we don't even notice each other jeremy should appreciate what he's got you're a handsome successful

14:30doctor he looks like he should be building sandcastles down at venice beach my advice is

14:35to give him what he wants so he can see what he actually has what do you think he wants well he

14:40was kind of wild before you guys got together right not wild he was single i know like 20 guys who have

14:46seen the inside this is exactly why you don't have friends i was gonna say bedroom why do you guys jump to

14:53conclusions huh it's like you even take me seriously i think you just let him be adventurous get it out

15:00of his system and once he sees the flaming hot garbage pile that the rest of us are dealing with

15:07he's gonna want to you know be with you that seems like a bad intention wrapped in a horrible idea

15:13i'll take that as a compliment wait are you talking about an open relationship yeah

15:16no why not it doesn't work okay you fuck someone then he fuck someone right yours is fine but it's

15:23not memorable i don't know maybe because you had an ambient beforehand then his is incredible amazing

15:28even and you thought it is your cousin the one that always thought she was better than you and your

15:31mom treated like she was a class act why would a class act your boyfriend even if it is an open

15:35relationship your cousin's a hoe you see that whole world right there not me okay well if you change your

15:44mind you've got my number on speed dial no i don't i'm gonna program it for you me too just in case

15:53things change in many ways give me your phone doctor please text me page me are we exchanging numbers

16:03i guess so

16:08let's have brunch get married and spend the rest of our lives pretending that we like each other

16:13artifice is what i do best quincy over here mom hi hi thank you thank you and i'll have another one

16:24of these please sure you're only having coffee another yeah the wedding is in four days i gotta be able to

16:29fit into my mother of the groom dress so i'm on a coffee pinot grigio diet actually excuse me when you're

16:37when you're free i would love a big glass of pinot grigio california 2014. sure thing thank you

16:45so how are the wedding plans going do you feel ready ready to bail

16:50uh you know this is like a um you know what not fancy right just in a gay bar on a tuesday i know

16:59that a gay bar on the tuesday in the afternoon is that because apparently your friends don't work

17:05uh no because that's the only time the bar is free oh well tell me some more yes um smallish uh just

17:13friends and family and 150 000 subscribers by he means grains of rice i'm really not sure what

17:20you're talking about do you want my help with anything with food decorations it's all taken care

17:25of of course it is who are you wearing it is tbdq to be decided by quincy and tba to be agreed

17:34upon cheers it should be pbd picked by douglas i mean who's the bride here neither of us that's

17:40sort of the point okay okay okay boys um looks like i walked into a crossfire that wasn't what

17:47i was working through a few things a lot of couples argue right before the wedding so

17:51does avoiding things run on the family okay here's the deal

17:57so douglas is a drag queen which is great and pays the bills but he wants to wear a wedding dress

18:02during the ceremony and he also wants to live stream it to all his fans so we are in the middle of a fight

18:10i already knew douglas was a drag queen quincy huh all you have to do is a quick search and i'll pop

18:17all of his videos you know which one i like the best the one about the soft contouring because i find

18:23that the harsh lines that a lot of the queens are using is too much for me at my age i mean you're

18:28already there i could teach you a few things about some tight lining though i mean it totally changes

18:33your face i love her tight lining that sounds sexy revolutionary change your life so um well i have

18:41my brow kit with me oh boy lindy hey it's ian so i'm at the farmer's market and i got to thinking maybe

18:49lindy likes fresh produce so i got some sun chokes and i have no idea what to do with them but i was

18:54thinking i could google it and maybe make you some dinner tonight although now that i'm thinking about it

19:00you're probably busy at work and thinking this is some sort of emergency because i called instead

19:04of texted and who calls instead of texting i do apparently uh anyway sun chokes i got them if you want

19:14them are you smelling that count oh yeah apparently smells fresh cute you want me to weigh that for you oh

19:36uh you work here no i'm just really into weighing kale or i was looking for an excuse to talk to you

19:47try these blackberries they're insane

19:55real good yeah right you guys have peaches next move don't worry very call me by your name

20:02ian ian that's fine i'm barton you're gay right uh bi sort of

20:13mary call me by your name are you friends with cal yeah i used to date his sister i think i met you

20:20sort of um at the studio oh shit yeah no uh hey hi

20:31i'm done at five are you free tonight it could be

20:36hello hello oh by the way i'm uh undetectable i actually know what that means good

20:59i mean it's hard to improve upon perfection but

21:01good could we have another one of the they don't have limits here do they no wait oh i'll have

21:07another never mind i'll get it later i have my bottle i mean you could grow out your brows a little

21:13bit if you think of them as like the window dressing you're the whole face you know you want a good

21:18balance but it looks great should i be using a growth serum okay that's enough pretty soon you're

21:23gonna be talking about waist trainers should i be wearing one no no no teeny drinky okay i'm gonna get

21:30you another drink or two or three yes please do you need anything oh he's very sweet he fixed my

21:36brows all right and i'm gonna go do a brunch bump what's a brunch bump it's when you put cocaine up

21:43your butt i'm gonna skip it sorry i'm not sure that i'm the one you should be apologizing he's just

21:50it's annoying it's annoying it's always a disaster when it comes to douglas it's like a hurricane comes

21:55through you know you just get caught up in it you know windswept and messy and fema comes in i'm

22:03getting lost in your metaphor i'm just gonna cut through all the niceties that's what you do best thank

22:14weddings are complicated but relationships are more complicated and i think you should focus on the

22:22ladder the wedding it doesn't really matter you don't know what it's like to be marrying somebody

22:27who's just the most extra person in the entire world i mean he humiliated me yeah on youtube i'm

22:33covered in rose petals stupid oh quincy come on you knew before you decided to marry him that you were

22:39going to be covered in rose petals somewhere someday didn't you come on you need to let people be who they

22:48are and then they will do you the same favor i like who you are i like who you are you do

23:00i love you quincy i'm gonna be thrown out of here cheers

23:09can i pick a movie of course i would never let brie pick she only likes movies starring sad crying women

23:20i do not i'll try your tears

23:25what are you doing for halloween um my friends actually throw an amazing party but um i don't

23:31want to go alone and you need a really good costume

23:35couple's costume yes but what the girls from the shining obviously look at us oh that's perfect

23:42yeah okay we could do slutty nuns oh i've been to that or what carol oh my god why didn't i think

23:52of that i know carol yes we should do carol okay all right we're doing carol okay hold on okay

23:59oh it's jeremy again she's fine have a good date dude she hung up on me she'll be fine

24:11hey did you remember to pay the gardener um wait don't answer that we're supposed to be having fun

24:18so i thought sorry you go no please you first i was just gonna ask how your day was my day was good

24:31i had a good day fine hey i wanted to thank you for putting this all together

24:40it's really nice to spend some time with you i guess jared was right about something

24:48huh even a broken clock's right twice a day right

24:55so what were you gonna say earlier

25:00oh um i uh i had an idea dangerous go on i just thought that maybe we could

25:10shake things up maybe experiment with opening things up opening what up well uh i would be

25:25comfortable with you meeting a guy a stranger on one of the apps once a month as long as you

25:32blocked them right after i mean you know we set out an exact time to try it out make rules and uh

25:40after we could discuss how it affects us see how we want to proceed after that

25:47you want to use the scientific method on non-monogamy i'm just saying i'm

25:53on the track did i say i wanted to open things up not that i heard yeah that's because i didn't say

25:59it i think it's a terrible idea oh thank god i just thought you know but i also have an idea to fix our

26:12relationship not that it's broken right

26:15what if we adopted sam

26:24we just spent the first 20 minutes of our date talking about her so what if she's what's bringing

26:30us together right now i mean the point is we're together all three of us i guess i'm attached

26:38so the guy i never thought would be attached to anything i know apparently i'm velcro when i find

26:48the right fit you've seen that i think i'm beginning to see my direction

26:59i think we know what we want

27:10oh so we're sharing a bed tonight i thought we were going to do that 1950s couple things where

27:14we just pretend everything's okay i ordered us twin mattresses you know i think twin beds are for

27:18children well that's perfect because you've been acting like a child is it so crazy to think that our

27:25wedding could just be between you and i can't be about the feelings i have for you and the ones you

27:29have for me it is supposed to be about us well let me do the math on that oh look i'm half of us and

27:37this half of us wants to put on a show and wear a wedding dress can you just get

27:43off your phone for one minute this is like peak posting time in europe that's like 10 of my market

27:48all right you know what there's not room for three of us in this bed i'm gonna sleep on the couch well

27:54why don't you just marry the couch well i can't because i'm marrying you we'll see about that you know

27:59if you leave me i'm keeping diane she likes me more these jokes aren't funny anymore i know

28:07maybe they're not jokes anymore get the light

28:19hey what's up calvin your sister i do not have time for anything that could possibly come after

28:26that sentence she's driving me insane i'm smoking

28:34cigarettes well what's new her guitar playing that's new her insisting upon bringing home every

28:42boy she meets at the coffee shop she's interning at that's also new her running up my credit card

28:48buying macrame wool art from etsy that's new but expected wish i could help

28:58she only packed two pairs of underwear how do you know that honey you need to be thinking about these

29:04things too mom i'm gay i have plenty of underwear no sweetheart i'm talking about the future

29:12i can't have two children wandering through life aimlessly i mean what is it exactly that you

29:17and tom are doing when are you gonna get married and adopt a baby from china there are so many things

29:23wrong with that question i don't actually know where to start well please keep me informed because

29:28when i get older i'm gonna need to live in one of my children's guest homes and at this rate it looks

29:33like it's gonna be yours uh yeah i'm probably gonna live in this apartment for the rest of my life we

29:39have rent control good night mom love you good night sweetheart

29:51what was that wow is it possible that my mom thinks of us as a big gay soap opera

29:58she still thinks we're gonna get married and have a chinese baby well she is wrong about that

30:03that baby's gonna be african you believe what jared said earlier what gay marriage ruins lives yeah

30:19he must be an awful therapist yeah you know i've always kind of thought he was full of

30:22shit you might kind of have a point about this i mean what would marriage even mean for us at this point

30:38what do you mean what would it mean just

30:50we already are whatever we are

30:58and what is that

31:03you tell me

31:08we should probably go to bed yeah probably

31:29and remember my dear that if we don't sin

31:33and jesus died for fucking nothing all alone in your fear well i know what you're into

31:44tell me you're into everything i want and i'll take you down to a place called

31:52hell oh god

31:55so warm all of our friends are here to keep us company

32:02hell

32:03so warm

32:06no one can hurt us now

32:10for all eternity

32:12we

32:26we

32:27we

32:29we

32:31we

32:33we

32:35we

32:37we

32:39we

32:41You

ES S04 E04 Confidences sur l'oreiller - gay theme series

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