ES S04 E03 Retour à l'est - gay theme series - video Dailymotion

The Gaymer

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Transcript

00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —

00:30Oh, fuck.

00:33Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

00:58Uh-uh, you're half an hour late.

01:00Sorry, the trains are fucked up.

01:01I live in Queens.

01:02No, they are not.

01:03I just—I got caught up writing.

01:06Oh, she's writing again.

01:08Yeah, nothing great, but yeah.

01:12Okay, did you read my play?

01:14Oh, my God, yes.

01:16I loved it.

01:18Really?

01:19Yeah.

01:20Tell me everything that you loved about it.

01:21Ah, um, why don't we talk about it after my shift?

01:25Okay, please stop being late and come to my reading on Saturday.

01:29Okay, sure.

01:31Come on.

01:33Oh!

01:33Uh!

01:37Oh!

01:39Oh!

01:40Oh!

01:43Sorry.

01:46Oh!

01:46Very subtle.

02:16I didn't think anybody was back here.

02:18Well, this is my hiding spot, so find your own.

02:20Ah, will do.

02:22Ugh, these things are the worst.

02:25Tell me about it.

02:26You know, everyone in publishing still fool themselves.

02:29It's a cliché, but we were all nerdy losers growing up,

02:33and now we strut around acting like the queens of New York.

02:37You think that's bad?

02:39Try being a writer catering a publishing event.

02:42Oh, you're a writer.

02:44You know, inspiring.

02:47Same here.

02:48Another cliché.

02:50Have you had anything published?

02:53Um...

02:55A couple journals.

02:57Like, the Paris Review, but like a million years ago.

03:00Hmm.

03:01Thank God.

03:02I can't get enough for the untalented ones.

03:07So, when do you get off?

03:10Right after you do.

03:12Good answer.

03:22It isn't really anything yet.

03:24I wrote it last year before we left L.A.

03:27I haven't been really writing much lately.

03:30Or, I mean, at all.

03:34I thought the city would jumpstart something in me, but...

03:37Honestly, it feels more like it's jumping on top of me.

03:40I like it, actually.

03:42Really?

03:43I'm still here, right?

03:45You're not the first guy I've hooked up with that's asking me to read something.

03:48Usually I lie to their face and give them a fake number when I'm done.

03:51But...

03:52Here we are.

03:53Still in bed.

03:54True.

03:55That means you haven't given me your number yet.

03:58Here.

03:59Text yourself.

04:01What was your name?

04:04Yeah, we skipped that, huh?

04:06Yeah, Clifford.

04:07Oh, Tom.

04:08Tom.

04:09Ooh, see, this paragraph is intense.

04:12Even for me, but...

04:13Kinda hot.

04:14Kinda?

04:15You're such an exhibitionist.

04:16I don't think so.

04:17Oh, I just mean you really expose yourself.

04:18You know, you just put it all on the page.

04:19That's kind of the point, right?

04:20Maybe.

04:21Did you really have sex with all those guys in a month?

04:22Are you slut-shaming me?

04:23Oh, no!

04:24No, God, no!

04:25I've been there.

04:26Everyone's been there.

04:27Sometimes a dick just takes over.

04:28We're all humans, right?

04:29I just...

04:30I think you're really talented.

04:31Yeah.

04:32Yeah.

04:33Yeah.

04:34Yeah.

04:35Yeah.

04:36Yeah.

04:37Yeah.

04:38Yeah.

04:39Yeah.

04:40Yeah.

04:41Yeah.

04:42Yeah.

04:43Yeah.

04:44Yeah.

04:45Yeah.

04:46Yeah.

04:47Yeah.

04:48Yeah.

04:49Yeah.

04:50Yeah.

04:51Yeah.

04:52Yeah.

04:53And lucky, because you're asymptomatic.

04:56I mean, I had gonorrhea once, and I thought I was going to die.

04:59And I thought God was finally punishing me for being gay, you know?

05:03Like, everyone had warned me, but I just didn't fucking listen,

05:06and now here I am with my dick about to fall off.

05:09Jesus.

05:10Yeah.

05:11My mom was right all along.

05:13And that shot?

05:14God, it hurt.

05:16Well, thank God for antibiotics.

05:19For now, super gonorrhea.

05:21It's a coming.

05:22Uh-uh.

05:23Mm-hmm.

05:24That's just blogs scaring you for clicks.

05:25And I think there's only been one documented case, and it was a straight guy who got it

05:29from a woman in Asia.

05:31What?

05:32An Asian woman?

05:33God, her parents must be so disappointed.

05:35Anyway, it's coming.

05:36You just wait.

05:37You're on prep?

05:38Tested three times a month.

05:39Me too.

05:40We shouldn't talk about that.

05:42Before.

05:43Yeah.

05:44Hey.

05:45I think you should pursue this.

05:48You know, whatever it turns out to be.

05:51But I also think you should, you know, work on something mainstream.

05:55Something I can actually show my boss.

05:57What do you mean?

05:58Like a YA novel.

05:59A children's book.

06:01Mm-mm.

06:02Don't be a snob.

06:03Most of our writers have MFAs, or PhDs.

06:07We work with a lot of great fucking writers.

06:09We just picked up a fantasy series from a Stegner fellow.

06:14And look, the academic job market is a total wasteland right now.

06:19It's pretty dark, actually.

06:21My friend with a PhD just accepted a job as a fourth grade teacher.

06:25Can YA be gay?

06:27Oh, absolutely.

06:28Yeah.

06:29Gay boys love reading YA.

06:31Imagine what it would have been like to be a gay child reading about gay children.

06:35Oh.

06:36Oh, and the teen girls love homosexuality, too.

06:40Yeah, as long as you're not too explicit with, you know, the sex.

06:45It's not threatening and very in right now.

06:48Well, I'm a little threatening.

06:49Not through that.

06:51Think about it.

06:52Okay.

06:55Don't threaten the children.

06:57Give them homosexuality without the sex.

07:01Well, some sex.

07:06Oh, my God, I have had the worst...

07:10Oh, Cal.

07:11Um...

07:13You're home already.

07:14So sorry to interrupt.

07:17Shit!

07:18Um...

07:19Sorry.

07:20Things are...

07:21complicated.

07:22Yeah, I just read all about it.

07:23Yeah, um...

07:24I should...

07:25Go. Yeah, no worries.

07:26I'll be right back.

07:27Okay.

07:28Sorry.

07:33Cal!

07:34You're closing my show early.

07:38As in today.

07:40I can tell you you're busy.

07:41I don't want to interrupt.

07:43You're not interrupting.

07:44I literally just interrupted you.

07:46It's fine.

07:47You can go back upstairs and finish.

07:49You're already dead.

07:50Jesus fucking Christ.

07:51What is fucking wrong with you?

07:53How are you so fucking cavalier?

07:55You walk all over me.

07:56You treat me like shit.

07:57Hey!

07:58Whoa!

07:59Like actual shit.

08:00And you're not even sorry.

08:01I thought it was fine.

08:02I mean, we're kind of on a break.

08:04No, we're on a break from each other, Tom.

08:05We are on a break from fucking and fighting and climbing all over each other in that fucking

08:09crawl space of an apartment that heats up to 100 degrees in the summer.

08:13Just because I am sleeping on the couch right now does not give you license to go fuck a stranger in our bed.

08:19Well, I don't know anyone here who's not a stranger.

08:22I have no friends.

08:24The only people I see regularly are the people at my catering gig and they're all musical theater people who sing Rent while marrying Ketchup.

08:31So don't fuck anybody for a minute.

08:34How is that so fucking hard for you to understand?

08:37And how do you so consistently miss the point?

08:40Okay, I...

08:43I know I wasn't supposed to.

08:45I had a few drinks.

08:48You day drinking at your cater waiter gig is a separate conversation, but we can talk about that if you want.

08:54I'm trying to say that I'm sorry.

08:56And I'm just supposed to forgive you.

08:58Again.

09:00I was gonna tell you.

09:02I didn't think it would be this big a deal.

09:04You don't think anything's a big deal, do you?

09:08I didn't seek it out.

09:10Clifford came up to me at this pretentious fucking publishing event and he was nice.

09:20And he asked me about myself and I told him I was a writer and he didn't run away screaming.

09:25He actually wanted to read something.

09:29And so I brought him back here.

09:32I didn't expect anything to happen.

09:34Couldn't it just send him a PDF?

09:37Okay, well maybe I suspected that something would happen, but...

09:43God damn it, Cal.

09:46I'm lonely.

09:49You hate me.

09:51I don't hate me.

09:54Well you don't like me.

09:55Well you're pretty fucking unlikable.

09:57That's fair.

10:01Did it ever occur to you that I might be lonely too?

10:04That I am lonely with you?

10:07I don't know what to say.

10:19Yeah, cause we're not talking about you for once and what you need.

10:24I need you, Tom, and you were literally never there for me.

10:28I try to be there for you.

10:31It's not exactly easy, Cal.

10:32You were so fucking wrapped up in your own shit and you're not even doing anything.

10:35Yeah, you've literally thrown away the last year of your life.

10:38Wow.

10:40Do you ever think about the future?

10:42At all?

10:43There's a difference between thinking and overthinking, and you have an anxiety disorder.

10:47Okay.

10:48You have disordered thinking!

10:49You have not fucking gaslight me like I am a fucking Victorian woman!

10:52Did I worry my way into a six year relationship with somebody who can't stop lying to me?

11:02Maybe we want different things.

11:04Yeah.

11:05Maybe.

11:06Cal, wait!

11:07You know, right now I just want you to leave me the fuck alone!

11:08Mmm!

11:09Call the burrito, call the mailman, call the mailman, call the mailman, call the mailman, call

11:34the deacon, they'll pray for me.

11:37They'll call my sister, she's my best friend.

11:41She's called somebody.

11:43Well, I was looking for a lifeguard, baby, but you didn't swing.

11:47I was looking for a teacher, honey, but you didn't teach it anymore.

12:00I was looking for a lover, baby, but you had no heart.

12:02I was looking for a savior on my way.

12:03So just tell her you don't want her to.

12:04I don't understand what's so hard about this.

12:05London relationships take compromise.

12:07You compromise about everything, from what you eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, where you

12:12live, where you vacation, whether your kids learn French or Spanish or Esperanto.

12:14Or whether your wife wants to sleep with other women.

12:15Yeah.

12:16Stuff like that.

12:17You know, you'd understand if you'd ever been in a long-term relationship.

12:18Derek and I have been together for almost a year.

12:19That's like, you know?

12:20I don't understand what's so hard about this.

12:21I don't understand what's so hard about this.

12:22Long-term relationships take compromise.

12:23You compromise about everything, from what you eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, where

12:24you live, where you vacation, whether your kids learn French or Spanish or Esperanto.

12:29Or whether your wife wants to sleep with other women.

12:34Yeah.

12:35Stuff like that.

12:36You know, you'd understand if you'd ever been in a long-term relationship.

12:40Derek and I have been together for almost a year.

12:42That's like three years in gay years.

12:44You should get a cat.

12:45We're not lesbians.

12:47Are you doing anything special?

12:49He's taking me away for the weekends, but he won't say where.

12:53That's romantic.

12:55No, it's stressful.

12:57Where could he possibly take you that you don't want to go?

13:00I don't know.

13:01I've never been there.

13:02At least give me a chance to look up some reviews online.

13:05Oh, my God.

13:06You're gonna have a blast.

13:08I know.

13:09Are you doing anything for him?

13:11Ugh.

13:12It's dumb.

13:14I made him this carved heart.

13:18It actually looks really horrible.

13:22I don't know.

13:23First anniversary is paper.

13:24So, you know.

13:26I don't know.

13:27I'm bad at this.

13:28You know that.

13:29No, that's actually really sweet.

13:31Yeah, maybe.

13:32And I made a whole picnic with champagne and he's coming to pick me up.

13:38Just...

13:41Remember this feeling, okay?

13:44Of wanting to do something special for each other.

13:48Of wanting to be good at this.

13:49You know?

13:50Are you doing okay?

13:51Yeah.

13:52Of course.

13:53Well, I should go.

13:54He's gonna be here soon.

13:55And there he is.

13:56Call me later.

13:57Bye.

13:58Happy anniversary.

13:59Um.

14:00I made you this.

14:02It's kinda janky.

14:03It is not janky.

14:04It is not janky.

14:05Call me later.

14:07Bye.

14:11Happy anniversary.

14:18Um, I made you this.

14:25It's kind of janky.

14:26It is not janky.

14:32Nothing really happened. You just...

14:34know when it's time to move on from the place, you know?

14:38Been in the same one-bedroom apartment for eight years,

14:43and it's never felt like home.

14:46Okay, well, what neighborhoods are you thinking about looking in?

14:49I mean, obviously, I'd love to have you in Echo Park.

14:53There's so much cool shit now downtown.

14:57And there's Glissell Park, Washington, Eagle Rock...

15:00Okay, okay. Too many choices.

15:04Where would you go if you had to move tomorrow?

15:12I'd probably just stay in Echo Park.

15:14Or Silver Lake if I win the Watery.

15:17Maybe Los Feliz.

15:18All right.

15:19So, three adjacent neighborhoods, all contenders.

15:25Do we have a winner?

15:26Echo Park.

15:28Selfishly, I want you as close as possible to me.

15:31Oh, is that so?

15:32Yeah.

15:33Well, how about the same apartment?

15:43Is that close enough?

15:45You mean, like, we move in together?

15:50Yeah.

15:51Yeah, why not?

15:53I mean, we end up sleeping in the same bed together most nights anyway.

15:57I've never lived with anybody before.

16:00Neither have I.

16:02Which is weird because I don't have commitment issues.

16:07Oh, yeah?

16:08Well, what's your excuse?

16:10My residency was really intense.

16:13And then I wanted to focus on establishing myself in this hospital.

16:19And I never really met anybody interesting enough to, you know...

16:24And then came you.

16:26Well, I have enough commitment issues for both of us.

16:33I know.

16:35And that's fine.

16:36Just think about it, all right?

16:40Mm-hmm.

16:53I've thought about it.

16:54What the fuck?

16:56Let's give it a go.

16:58Really?

16:59Mm-hmm.

17:00For real?

17:01Mm-hmm.

17:11So, when's your lease up?

17:12End of the month.

17:13Good shit.

17:14God.

17:15Don't worry.

17:16You still got plenty of time to pull out.

17:19I am not pulling out.

17:20But I am opening another bottle of champagne.

17:26Cheers to that.

17:31Mm.

17:33You should have expected this.

17:34Don't be defeated, honey.

17:35You did your best.

17:36And it wasn't good enough.

17:37That's the definition of being defeated.

17:39I suppose it is.

17:40Months of work.

17:41I uprooted our whole lives for nothing.

17:44This is the beginning of the journey, not the end.

17:48I'm in my 30s.

17:49Oh, don't remind me.

17:51I feel like New York City is a door that just got slammed in my face.

17:55So, go west, young man.

17:57You and Tom can go back to your life together in LA.

18:00What life together?

18:02Calvin what?

18:04I don't know.

18:05Well, neither do I, because you won't tell me what's really going on.

18:09Just forget it.

18:11Oh, honey, again?

18:13How many chances does one person get, hypothetically?

18:16I don't know.

18:17How many chances did you give dad?

18:19About as many as he gave me.

18:22Only one or two more.

18:24But you'd never go back to him at this point, right?

18:26Because that would be insane.

18:28I'm not a fortune teller, Calvin.

18:30Okay, you promised me that last time was the last time.

18:33We're not talking about me.

18:41Listen, I'm going to buy you a plane ticket.

18:43You and Tom, or just you.

18:44You tell me.

18:46I can't let you do that.

18:47Well, just accept it, because I'm going to.

18:51Save that pride of yours for the parade.

18:53You'll never cobble together enough money in New York City.

18:56Especially without a job.

18:58So just let me get you the fuck out of Dodge.

19:02Why don't you drive?

19:04Because I don't have a car.

19:05Well, we can fix that.

19:07A road trip.

19:09Tom will love it.

19:10You'll be on the road like a gay Jack Kerouac.

19:14Jack Kerouac was a little gay.

19:15Everybody fun is a little bit gay.

19:18Listen, I love Tom, but he's dumb.

19:21I mean, he's brilliant, but he is such a dumb little boy.

19:25All that nonsense at dinner the other night about taking a year off to be a hobo.

19:30Riding the rails for inspiration.

19:32So that's what this is about.

19:35That is not how you get inspiration.

19:37That's how you get hepatitis C, which costs $100,000 to cure.

19:42$200,000 if he gives it to you, and I don't have that kind of money.

19:45Well, I mean, I do, but I'd like to spend it on your wedding.

19:48We're not going to get hepatitis, and we're not getting married.

19:51Well, whomever you eventually marry, I don't know.

19:55Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't believe in that shit.

19:58Calvin, why?

19:59Your marriage, your second marriage, dad's three marriages.

20:03Oh, poo, don't be such a pessimist.

20:04You can't live your life that way.

20:07You never know what life has in store for you, honey.

20:10Joy, prosperity, happiness, hepatitis.

20:15That's life.

20:17That's love, baby.

20:20Mom, what if this is it?

20:22For me and Tom?

20:24Well, what more do you need?

20:27I know I can't predict where my life is going to go.

20:32I wish I knew if Tom was coming with me.

20:35It's going to be okay.

20:37Sorry, I gotta go.

20:39Calvin.

20:41I love you to the moon and back again.

20:43I love you too.

20:44It's not working.

20:45It's not working.

20:46I feel like you're mad at me, and this isn't working.

20:47I need a moment.

20:48I'm sorry.

20:49Okay.

21:03There is something else I wanted to talk to you about.

21:06Uh-oh.

21:08And every time I bring it up, you find a way to change the subject.

21:11But you do know I want to have kids someday, right?

21:17Right.

21:19I could totally see that maybe.

21:22You know, someday.

21:25Maybe someday soon?

21:28Like, how soon?

21:30Are you pregnant?

21:32Am I showing?

21:34A little.

21:35Well, I'm about to be 45.

21:38I've been thinking about it a lot.

21:40You know, I want to be around to watch the kids grow up, go to college, that kind of stuff.

21:46Yeah, but people live to be like 100 now.

21:48The average American male lives to be about 76.

21:53Not trying to be pessimistic, just those are the facts, huh?

21:56Those are the facts, huh?

22:01You do realize you did this completely backwards, right?

22:05You sell me on moving in with you, and then you lay all this on me?

22:10I mean, this is a total picnic ambush.

22:12I'm not trying to lay anything on you.

22:16And I'm not trying to sell you anything.

22:19What do you mean?

22:20Look.

22:22Let's slow down.

22:24One thing at a time, okay?

22:25First we move in together, see how that goes.

22:28Then, maybe a few months, we take in a foster kid, see how that goes.

22:34Or, I can apply by myself.

22:38You've looked into this.

22:40Well...

22:42Yeah.

22:44A foster kid.

22:46Just like...

22:48a rental.

22:50Not exactly how I'd put it, but, uh...

22:54I mean, yeah, like a...

22:56test drive, I guess?

22:57You know, try on parenthood.

23:00That's a pretty big commitment, but the stakes are pretty low.

23:03Fostering is usually temporary.

23:05I think the average is like...

23:07I don't know.

23:08Two years?

23:09Could be two weeks.

23:11If it doesn't work out, we just wipe our hands and walk away.

23:16You've really looked into this.

23:19Well...

23:21I came from a home where...

23:25I was unwanted.

23:28My father barely looked at me.

23:29Didn't matter what I accomplished was never enough.

23:32There was always something that he couldn't accept, and it was...

23:36It was the one thing I couldn't change.

23:41I believe a kid deserves to be wanted by his father.

23:47I've wanted this for a long time.

23:49Meaning you only made me want more.

23:55Let me think about it.

24:02I mean...

24:04I do really love taking care of my niece and dad.

24:07And you're so good at it.

24:09But being a dad is different than being the fun gay uncle that lets you watch TV and eat gluten.

24:18There's a lot of health benefits to avoiding gluten.

24:22And watching TV melts their brains and turns them into zombies. I know.

24:26But the point is, it was never ultimately my responsibility.

24:31You know, I had to just try to not completely ruin them before their mom got home.

24:37I barely have my shit together now.

24:40I don't see how I can be responsible for a whole other person all by myself.

24:45You're not going to be alone.

24:48You don't have to decide today. Let's just...

24:50Take it one thing at a time.

24:54Right.

24:56We've got to find an apartment first.

24:58Want to look at places next week?

25:00Sure.

25:02Want to tell me where you're taking me this weekend?

25:05No.

25:07You can give me a hint at least.

25:09Okay, it's in Southern California.

25:12Ooh, not fair.

25:14That nouns it down a lot.

25:16Big Bear. Santa Barbara. San Diego.

25:18Ooh, Palm Springs.

25:20Yes, it could be one of those.

25:22Well, which one?

25:23I'm not telling you.

25:25I am not telling you.

25:28Fair.

25:29Hey.

25:30Hey.

25:31There you are.

25:32How'd you find me?

25:33You love this place?

25:34Let me turn down the location sharing when we got on the same phone for you.

25:36Pal,

25:37Oh, God.

25:39It's true.

25:40I can't say anything.

25:42What are you doing?

25:43I can't say anything.

25:45It's true.

25:46I don't know.

25:47New year.

25:48I don't know.

25:49No, you don't know.

25:50I'm not telling you.

25:51I don't know.

25:52I'm not making sure that you'll find him.

25:54I will be alone.

25:55Oh, my God.

25:57I don't know.

25:59Yeah, I'm a great galvan.

26:00I screwed up again so much has changed and I thought that meant that I could do

26:11whatever I wanted but it doesn't they should have told you they shouldn't

26:16honestly I don't really care

26:19that's the problem

26:22it's an awful thing to say it's an awful thing to feel

26:28what choice do I have

26:32I get that

26:39I want to go home let's go no I I want to go home okay

26:48my mom offered to buy us a car seriously yes you don't have to ride the rails

26:54it's serious about that I'm serious about anything I'm serious about spending the

26:59rest of my life with you let's do it let's drive to LA our lease is up I can

27:08pick up extra shifts this month I'll work as much as they'll let me I am going to

27:14contribute to our lives to our future just let me make you proud of me

27:21I don't believe in God I believe in us just give me a chance please please

27:37okay

27:44okay

27:45okay

27:46let's go

27:56show you guys now what we got now

28:19And we will, and we will, and we will dance so carefully

28:30And we will, and we will, and we will always believe

28:40And everyone will dance to sound

28:44And everyone will dance to sound

28:48And we will, and we will, and we will dance so carefully

28:57They've got their eyes all on you

29:18And we will, and we will dance so carefully

ES S04 E03 Retour à l'est - gay theme series

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