- 6/1/2025
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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:30Transcription by CastingWords
00:02:00Peggy told me you found a new masseur. I hear he is...
00:02:05You heard right.
00:02:08So can I have his number?
00:02:10So we'll see.
00:02:13That guy next to Flaxman?
00:02:25Our neighbor Mike Riddell.
00:02:27Big shot TV producer and the guy my mom screws whenever the batteries run out.
00:02:31I'm totally addicted to his new show.
00:02:34Welcome to Absolutely Positive, the show where we give couples who are about to get married
00:02:39one last chance to make sure they're...
00:02:42Absolutely positive!
00:02:43That's right!
00:02:44See, I just don't understand people who live their lives as one big routine.
00:03:01They're basically saying, I'm not worthy of a unique experience on this earth.
00:03:05Well, sorry, but I am.
00:03:06What the hell is going on?
00:03:08I told you to wait!
00:03:10For God's sake, she's not even here, you moron!
00:03:12Dang it, baby!
00:03:19My mother moved out to L.A. from Ohio when she was 20 to become an actress.
00:03:38After a few years, she got knocked up by a sleazeball producer who told her she couldn't
00:03:41be on his show unless she hoovered me out.
00:03:44Mom was no genius, but she was smart enough to realize that 18 years of child support was
00:03:49better than a couple weeks on his dumb show.
00:03:51So I got to stick around.
00:03:53What I'm dating count on was the prick having a heart attack and croaking a year after I
00:03:56was born.
00:04:00Look at me.
00:04:01See what a happy baby I was?
00:04:03That's because I wasn't old enough to understand why she had me.
00:04:07Here's me on my first day of school.
00:04:11Why am I smiling?
00:04:12Because I got to spend seven hours a day with adults who didn't reek of menthols and cheap
00:04:16scotch.
00:04:21That's me at my friend Kayla's house.
00:04:23There weren't any sleepovers at my house.
00:04:25I couldn't risk it after one of the scumbags mom brought home tried to fill me up after
00:04:29she passed out.
00:04:31Kayla's dad took this one too.
00:04:33Mom was sucking off her producer to get an audition for some lame show called Bikini
00:04:37Cove.
00:04:38Got there late and missed the whole thing.
00:04:44Anyway, as far as my graduation, this time she had a great excuse for missing it.
00:04:48Minnie?
00:04:50Minnie?
00:04:51Minnie?
00:04:51When I call you, I expect you to answer.
00:04:59Sorry.
00:05:00Don't patronize me.
00:05:02Sorry.
00:05:03If you're trying to get me to call you a spoiled little ungrateful bitch, you're out of luck.
00:05:07I won't give you the satisfaction.
00:05:10Thanks, Mommy.
00:05:12I'm going out, and I need you to wait here for a delivery from the liquor store.
00:05:17You should be here by seven.
00:05:18Fine.
00:05:21Hmm.
00:05:24You should know that skirt makes your thighs look fat.
00:05:29Gosh, you're right, Mom.
00:05:30I'm such a cow.
00:05:32Honey.
00:05:34If I don't tell you these things, who will?
00:05:38Okay, thanks.
00:05:39You're welcome.
00:05:40It's funny how my fat thighs never seem to bother What's-His-Name from the liquor store.
00:05:46Hey, Minnie.
00:05:47How you doing?
00:05:48How you doing?
00:05:54So, Mom spent the next 12 years trying to bag another elephant.
00:05:58Then, five years ago, she met Martin.
00:06:01He's a partner at a public relations firm, which is ironic because I can't remember the
00:06:05last time they were seen in public together.
00:06:07Or had relations.
00:06:11You're home early.
00:06:12Yeah, um, client canceled our dinner.
00:06:18Protecting all those poor, defenseless oil companies from those big, bad environmentalists.
00:06:22Well, somebody's got to make the payments on your Beamer.
00:06:25Is your mother home?
00:06:27No, she went to some party off Beachwood.
00:06:29She was in one of our happy moods, so I doubt she'll be sleeping here.
00:06:32In case you were thinking of inviting a guest over.
00:06:37I wasn't, but thanks for your concern.
00:06:40You're going out on a school night?
00:06:41Yeah.
00:06:42Yeah.
00:06:44Hmm.
00:06:46Have you finished your homework?
00:06:48I haven't even cracked a book.
00:06:50To understand me, you need to understand that life, in my opinion, is all about new experiences.
00:06:57First is what I call them.
00:06:59And the goal of life, any life, should be to cram as many firsts into it as possible.
00:07:04After popping out of the cake, I knew I had to top it.
00:07:07But it was tough.
00:07:09Skydiving.
00:07:10Bungee jumping.
00:07:11Please.
00:07:12It's more dangerous getting on the freeway every day.
00:07:16Then one night, while cruising through Hollywood, it hit me.
00:07:18So I went to an escorting service, just to see what would happen.
00:07:22When they found out how young I was, they told me they had a trick for me that night.
00:07:27My first night as a call girl was a serious letdown.
00:07:30The guy said I look so much like his niece, he just started whimpering and praying for forgiveness.
00:07:34Honey, what are you doing here?
00:07:50Did you have fun tonight, honey?
00:07:53For my first night turning tricks?
00:07:56Could have been better.
00:07:57That's nice.
00:08:01That's so nice.
00:08:11Nice, Mom.
00:08:13In my bed.
00:08:13After that night, I told the escort service, no more clients with a conscience.
00:08:25They were happy to oblige with a last-minute gig at a corporate fuckpad some executive keeps.
00:08:30They said I was just his type.
00:08:33Young.
00:08:33It's open.
00:08:39It's open.
00:08:47Hello?
00:08:50Can you fucking believe it?
00:08:55Uh, hi.
00:08:59Sorry I'm late.
00:09:01It's okay.
00:09:02Mind if I freshen up?
00:09:06No, go right ahead.
00:09:10My own stepdad?
00:09:12My first thought was, how sick is he?
00:09:15But then I started thinking, I'm one to talk, and well, why not?
00:09:19I mean, he isn't my real dad.
00:09:21Then talk about it first.
00:09:23Then I thought, if my mom could do some strange guy in my bed, I could do her strange guy in this bed.
00:09:29You, uh, doing okay in there?
00:09:31Just peachy.
00:09:32Listen, sugar, would you mind turning the lights off?
00:09:37See, I'm kind of new to all this and a little shy.
00:09:39No problem.
00:09:40But you think maybe we could get this show on the road?
00:09:43And close your eyes.
00:09:59Come on.
00:10:01Just look around.
00:10:07Just look around.
00:10:11Just look around.
00:10:11You want to close your eyes?
00:10:14I literally couldn't feel the ground under my feet.
00:10:40A first to top all firsts.
00:10:41I knew I'd tell him one day, but I wanted to save her for a while.
00:10:44Hey!
00:10:45You forgot your keys.
00:10:47Oh well.
00:10:48Here's to immediate gratification.
00:10:59You were great.
00:11:11And I thought...
00:11:14You're a good person.
00:11:15I don't know.
00:11:16I was mad for you.
00:11:17I had a good friend.
00:11:18I'd rather have a good friend.
00:11:20I don't know.
00:11:21I didn't know.
00:11:22I didn't know.
00:11:23I don't know.
00:11:24I don't know.
00:11:55Suddenly, he was coming home every night and even started asking me about my homework.
00:12:15How you doing, kiddo?
00:12:17How you making out with those math problems?
00:12:19Because, you know, if you ever need any help, I could, you know.
00:12:22Actually, I was thinking about starting out a 401k plan at work.
00:12:27Could you help me pick a good mutual fund?
00:12:36All you did was kiss.
00:12:37Yeah. You don't believe me?
00:12:39No, of course I believe you.
00:12:40Yo, Kayla, I got some more of what you were looking for last Saturday night.
00:12:49Actually, Troy, I think you confused her about senile, toothless grandmother.
00:12:52I don't deserve yours.
00:12:54Come on, man.
00:12:55Yo, Minnie.
00:12:57Why don't you use that mouth for something useful and suck my dick?
00:13:03All right.
00:13:05Hey.
00:13:06What the fuck?
00:13:08I'm gonna suck your dick, Troy. You said I could.
00:13:10Yo, this ain't funny.
00:13:11Come on, baby. Take it out.
00:13:12She's going to cry.
00:13:14I'm on my knees.
00:13:16Try your mind.
00:13:17She's just crying.
00:13:18You're a little more.
00:13:19God damn, Minnie.
00:13:20Wait, wait. I almost got it.
00:13:21She's, it's her.
00:13:21She's, it's her.
00:13:22She's, it's her.
00:13:22Oh, there it comes.
00:13:26You're on stage, right?
00:13:34I want you to know that I feel horrible.
00:14:04And not about what happened because that was an accident, but I just keep thinking, I didn't
00:14:11know that you were doing that.
00:14:15And I just wonder how things might have been if you had a real father.
00:14:24So what are you saying, Martin?
00:14:27You want to be my father now?
00:14:34To be perfectly honest, I loved it.
00:14:35Talk about electric.
00:14:36Knowing at any moment she could walk in was better than any drug.
00:14:41Mom thought it was cute how we'd suddenly grown so close.
00:14:48And thought it was wonderful how Martin had taken an interest in my education.
00:14:55I dare to find that love that's been tried.
00:14:56There's no one around to see a light.
00:14:57I can't hide my love for you.
00:15:02Mom thought it was cute how we'd suddenly grown so close.
00:15:11And thought it was wonderful how Martin had taken an interest in my education.
00:15:14I dare to find that love that's been tried.
00:15:21There's no one around to see a light.
00:15:24Vinny?
00:15:25Vinny?
00:15:26What, you don't know how to knock?
00:15:29Have you seen Martin?
00:15:30No, I can't say that I have.
00:15:32He was in a study, but I haven't been able to find him.
00:15:35Well, I assume he's gone out so I've invited Ricardo over for a cocktail.
00:15:39And you know how children make him feel very uneasy.
00:15:41So I would really appreciate you to aid it if you and your friend would stay in here.
00:15:46Or use the back door when he arrives.
00:15:49Okay.
00:15:50Not a problem.
00:15:52Good.
00:16:05Good.
00:16:06Now that we were spending time together, I actually started to find out what Martin was
00:16:21like for the first time.
00:16:29He wasn't the drip I thought he was.
00:16:32He was funny.
00:16:35Charming.
00:16:38Sweet.
00:16:39And even a little shy.
00:16:45Looking back, that may have been the moment he fell in love.
00:16:58This went on for about two months, before we had the talk we both knew was coming.
00:17:05So?
00:17:06So?
00:17:07I don't want to sneak around at my own house.
00:17:15Well, I don't think telling her is such a hot idea.
00:17:16I don't even want to live under the same roof with her anymore.
00:17:30You can't leave.
00:17:31She'll get half.
00:17:32Can I ask how the hell you married her without a prenup?
00:17:33She wasn't as bad of an actress as you think.
00:17:37Well, there's another option.
00:17:38What's that?
00:17:39What's that?
00:17:40It'll take some planning.
00:17:41Some resolve.
00:17:42You wanna kill her?
00:17:43Yeah.
00:17:44Yeah.
00:17:45No.
00:17:46Of course not.
00:17:47She's my mother.
00:17:48Good.
00:17:49I'm glad to hear you say that.
00:17:50Good.
00:17:51I'm glad to hear you say that.
00:17:52But I was thinking she suddenly got ill.
00:18:06Is they gutted her?
00:18:11Yeah.
00:18:20She suddenly got ill.
00:18:22Ill?
00:18:23Unstable.
00:18:25Unpredictable.
00:18:27Irrational.
00:18:30Dangerous to the safety of her husband.
00:18:32Her child.
00:18:35She'd have to be sent someplace where they could give her the care she needs.
00:18:40Yeah.
00:18:43And it would be for her own good.
00:18:45As painful as it would be for me to be away from my loving wife.
00:18:51Well, you did it for the well-being of your daughter.
00:18:54The selfless act of a devoted parent.
00:19:02We'll find her a very comfortable place out of the country.
00:19:06Lots of fresh air.
00:19:08It'll be a much better life for her.
00:19:12So much better.
00:19:15I awoke the next morning, as excited as I could remember.
00:19:29Unlike most of us, which are over too quickly.
00:19:32This would take determination.
00:19:35Stamina.
00:19:38And imagination.
00:19:39I decided to start simply.
00:19:46The school nurse, a last-known Talga Hopfuerer, or De Fuerer as she was affectionately known,
00:19:52starts jonesing for her afternoon nip.
00:19:54About 45 minutes after lunch each day.
00:19:58Which leaves me free to help myself to the candy store.
00:20:01Slipping her the pills was absurdly easy.
00:20:09Because for mom, every morning was Margaritaville.
00:20:12And I was her bartender.
00:20:14It was even easier when the sun went down.
00:20:24I turned her nightcap into an all-night cap.
00:20:29And after three days of this, the fireworks were about to begin.
00:20:32Peggy from Hayes, Kansas.
00:20:36Phase one.
00:20:37Violent mood swings slash uncontrollable rages.
00:20:39Fabrizio Santano, masseuse to the stars and reported possessor of one of the biggest schlongs in town.
00:21:01Rumor has it, he's pouring the pork to every rich wife between Malibu and Pasadena.
00:21:06Now I'm going to miss it, because I can't find my fucking keys.
00:21:11I could use a little help over here!
00:21:19Diane, do you remember where you left your keys when you came home last night?
00:21:24Oh, yeah.
00:21:26I put them in the fucking bowl next to the fucking door, like I always fucking do.
00:21:31Well, you were kind of out of it last night.
00:21:39I was not.
00:21:41I had one drink with Peggy!
00:21:44One!
00:21:45Are you sure about that?
00:21:46Yes, I'm sure.
00:21:47Because you seemed a little bit, too.
00:21:52Dickless wonder.
00:21:55Vinny, I'm taking your car.
00:21:57Martin, you drive her to school.
00:21:58I've got a meeting with Chapman.
00:22:00I have to tell him it's an emergency.
00:22:01He's one of our biggest clients!
00:22:03Who gives a fuck?
00:22:09You're not a dickless one.
00:22:21Hello, Fabrizio.
00:22:22Yes, what is it?
00:22:24It's Diane.
00:22:26Diane Schmectin's name.
00:22:27Tannen.
00:22:28Oh, I'll be seeing you shortly, no?
00:22:30Listen, I'm going to have to cancel our appointment.
00:22:32Oh, something come up?
00:22:34Yeah, something came up.
00:22:45Oh, that sucks.
00:22:51Fabrizio.
00:22:52Tannen?
00:22:53You're late.
00:22:55Diane, what are you doing here?
00:22:56What the hell are you doing here?
00:22:58Easy now, Miss Tannen.
00:22:59You called.
00:23:00You canceled 30 minutes ago.
00:23:02I did not call and cancel, Fabrizio.
00:23:04I talked to you myself.
00:23:05You say something come up.
00:23:08You knew I had an appointment today.
00:23:10Did you call and pretend to be me?
00:23:11Are you drunk?
00:23:12How could I possibly sound like you?
00:23:15That's true.
00:23:17Five minutes, Miss Tannen.
00:23:19Bitch.
00:23:20Miss Tannen, wait in the recovery room.
00:23:22Fabrizio, I never need the recovery room.
00:23:24You know that.
00:23:24Did I tell you to stop?
00:23:26What part of don't stop didn't you understand?
00:23:29Five minutes.
00:23:29But this is my appointment.
00:23:31Fabrizio, get off of her right now.
00:23:33I've got him for 55 more minutes.
00:23:36Wait your turn.
00:23:37It's my turn.
00:23:38It's my appointment.
00:23:40Look, if you're not going to wait outside,
00:23:41at least shut your goddamn mouth.
00:23:44I'm black, man.
00:23:45Fabrizio, try this.
00:23:46Off of her.
00:23:47Don't give back your time.
00:23:48Stop it, Fabrizio.
00:23:48Stop it.
00:23:49Stop.
00:23:50Stop.
00:23:50Stop.
00:23:51Get off.
00:23:52Don't make Fabrizio stop.
00:23:54Fabrizio stop.
00:23:54You are a stinky little bitch.
00:23:58Do you think she'll pass charges?
00:24:06Are you fucking kidding me?
00:24:08She should get 20 to life.
00:24:10When I told Peggy and Margo about the stunt she pulled,
00:24:13both of them said they would have ripped her eyes out.
00:24:16She'll be lucky if anybody talks to her again.
00:24:20Here comes the choo-choo.
00:24:22For God's sake, I didn't break both hands.
00:24:27God, I still can't believe you broke your hand on her face.
00:24:31That's so Linda Hamilton.
00:24:32Hope she enjoys shitting out the teeth she's swallowing.
00:24:55Phase two.
00:24:56Wild shopping sprees carried out in a euphoric state.
00:24:59Divine Productions, Carla speaking.
00:25:03Hello, Carlos.
00:25:04It's Diane Tannen calling.
00:25:05Senor Tannen, buenas tardes.
00:25:07Como estas?
00:25:08Listen, I'm going to need a delivery to the house.
00:25:14Hey.
00:25:15What do you want, Jason?
00:25:17I don't know my bamboo.
00:25:18Yeah, I want eucalyptus pods and bamboo and...
00:25:21The giraffe can clean its own ears with its tongue
00:25:25because the tongue is approximately 21 inches long.
00:25:28Is that true or false?
00:25:29Almost.
00:25:29Almost.
00:25:32What the fuck is going on, Carla?
00:25:34Oh, senor Tannen.
00:25:35It's the stuff you ordered for the party yesterday.
00:25:37Ordered.
00:25:38I didn't order anything.
00:25:39What the fuck are you talking about?
00:25:41Are you invited?
00:25:42It's a party.
00:25:42I think they're having a family event.
00:25:47Dysfunctional circus.
00:25:48Mom, look at the monkey.
00:25:50You did.
00:25:50You said you called me yesterday on the phone.
00:25:52We told you.
00:25:53I did not call you.
00:25:54I did not.
00:25:55Wait.
00:25:55You were talking about a party on the phone.
00:25:57Right after you, uh, you washed your paint for a while tomorrow.
00:25:59Shh.
00:25:59Oh, right.
00:26:01I didn't organize a party, Carlos.
00:26:04Shangri-la.
00:26:05That's what you said to me.
00:26:05Shangri-la.
00:26:06Oh, yeah.
00:26:07One, two, three.
00:26:10I'm coming.
00:26:11I'm coming.
00:26:11And you're not going to be helping me ever again, because you know what?
00:26:14You suck.
00:26:15I am Stonis.
00:26:17Oh, shit.
00:26:18I am Stonis.
00:26:19I am Stonis.
00:26:21Oh.
00:26:22What the fuck is going on here?
00:26:24Carlos?
00:26:25You order all this stuff?
00:26:26I didn't order in your...
00:26:27I mean, I wouldn't do anything without your permission, but Mrs. Senora Tannen.
00:26:31Um, Martin, I...
00:26:34Diane.
00:26:38Did you order all this stuff?
00:26:40No.
00:26:41I didn't.
00:26:43I didn't order anything.
00:26:45Come inside with me, Diane.
00:26:46I did it!
00:26:47Over the next few days, whenever Mom passed out from too much drinky-drinky, I'd pull out
00:26:52her wallet and reach out and touch someone.
00:26:55After a week of my version of the Home Shopping Network, the doorbell might as well have been
00:26:59a cannon.
00:27:04Oh, yeah.
00:27:10Jesus Christ!
00:27:11I asked for that drink ten minutes ago.
00:27:17Put it here.
00:27:19Help me.
00:27:19You're welcome.
00:27:21Jesus Christ.
00:27:27Anything else I can do for you?
00:27:33Sweetie, that is yummy.
00:27:35What's in it?
00:27:45Phase 3.
00:27:47Cuddling incoherent monologues in public.
00:27:49Just clap up.
00:27:51You know, this is weird.
00:27:53You know, I just... I'm sorry, Fabrizio,
00:27:55but it's just not a safe haven.
00:27:57She's ruined it for all of us.
00:27:59Oh, boy, oh, boy.
00:28:01You know... You know I love you!
00:28:03She looks so lovely, doesn't she?
00:28:05She looks lovely, but I'm gonna take her out of restraining room.
00:28:07I've got news for you.
00:28:09What hats? Yeah, I heard about that incident.
00:28:13Yelena, my God! Your dentist is a genius.
00:28:15I'd never know those weren't your real teeth.
00:28:17You stay the hell away from me, you psycho.
00:28:19You're lucky. Oh, I'm lucky.
00:28:21No, no, no, no. Let me tell you something.
00:28:23Fabrizio will not return my calls because of you,
00:28:25you fucking bitch.
00:28:27Let me tell you something. That shit may fly in Siberia,
00:28:29but it does not fly on Mulholland.
00:28:31You got it?
00:28:33Really?
00:28:34Like I said, get some help.
00:28:35A little whatever.
00:28:37She's fucking unbelievable!
00:28:39I'm telling you, the best thing I ever did
00:28:41was break my hand on that bitch's face.
00:28:43Yeah, yeah. I think she's troubled, you know.
00:28:45You know what I feel about? She's troubled.
00:28:47She's a beautiful nose. I love her nose, yeah.
00:28:49I feel fucking fantastic.
00:28:51Like, like, I feel like I could run a marathon,
00:28:53you know what I mean? Like...
00:28:54Is there every juror in the eye?
00:28:55Oh! Juries!
00:28:56Can I please come over and talk to you about Juries?
00:28:59Um...
00:29:00I've always wanted to say the words,
00:29:02YOU'RE GUILTY!
00:29:03What do you guys think happens in those sequestered situations?
00:29:06Do you think they have sex, the jurors?
00:29:08I think they'd really get it on.
00:29:10Are you looking at my tits?
00:29:12You, you crazy fuck.
00:29:14Oh, you know, I was an actress.
00:29:16I don't know if you know that about me.
00:29:17I almost had this role on Bikini Cove.
00:29:19I almost had two lines.
00:29:21My one line would have been this.
00:29:22Um, I'll have another.
00:29:24Sex on the beach.
00:29:26That show was a really fucking fantastic show.
00:29:29It was very creative.
00:29:30Cheesy drink, but it's a drink anyway.
00:29:31Ha!
00:29:32I like scotch.
00:29:33Ha!
00:29:34Isn't that fun?
00:29:35I had to suck off the executive producer for that audition,
00:29:37but hey, I almost got my SAG card,
00:29:39so I thought that it was worth it.
00:29:40Yeah, me too.
00:29:41If you like...
00:29:42We're just gonna head up to it.
00:29:43But we were talking about juries and sex...
00:29:44Excuse me.
00:29:45...talking and, you know...
00:29:46Hey, hey, hey!
00:29:47Cock breath!
00:29:52This is a good job, but I need more warning.
00:29:54I was at dinner with Chap, but I can't reschedule again.
00:29:57I know, but it was a golden opportunity.
00:29:59You always said you can't pay enough for good publicity, right?
00:30:01We're at this.
00:30:02Give me a shot.
00:30:03I need to see Homer, sir.
00:30:04Oh!
00:30:05Ha!
00:30:06Ha!
00:30:07Ha!
00:30:08Bye, everybody!
00:30:09Ha!
00:30:10I'll see you later!
00:30:11Ha!
00:30:12Ha!
00:30:13At this point, with all those witnesses,
00:30:14Martin thought we could get a shrink to have her sent away.
00:30:17My feeling was that until they were ready to weld the door to a padded cell shut,
00:30:21there was still more work to be done.
00:30:23It's Dianne.
00:30:24Hi.
00:30:25Do you think you could call me?
00:30:26I called you a few times.
00:30:27I just...
00:30:28I need to talk to you.
00:30:29Oh, yeah.
00:30:30I'm coming.
00:30:31Okay.
00:30:32Yeah, great.
00:30:33I'll be right back with your two iced teas.
00:30:34Great.
00:30:35So, is there any reason why we couldn't just be at my house?
00:30:36Honestly?
00:30:37Because I want some witnesses around in case you fucking lose it again.
00:30:38In case I?
00:30:39You're unbelievable, Yelena.
00:30:40For God's sake, get a grip.
00:30:41To the shit you've been talking about me to Peggy, Barbara, and Trish has to stop.
00:30:58After your performance the other night, I can't believe I'm even giving you a warning.
00:31:06What?
00:31:07A warning?
00:31:08If you keep this up, I will make my husband...
00:31:09Oh, your husband?
00:31:10Oh, right.
00:31:11Give me a break.
00:31:12...and goddamn mental anguish.
00:31:13Are we clear?
00:31:14I don't like you.
00:31:17I don't want to lose it.
00:31:18Hey, boys.
00:31:23You want to have a little fun?
00:31:24You are losing it.
00:31:25That's all fun, you know.
00:31:30Final phase.
00:31:31Complete psychotic breakdown.
00:31:36Hello?
00:31:37Diane.
00:31:38Fabrizio, is that you?
00:31:39How are you?
00:31:40I can see you.
00:31:41Can you see me?
00:31:42Who is this?
00:31:43Do you feel safe?
00:31:44This isn't funny.
00:31:45I'm hanging up.
00:31:46Hang up and you're dead.
00:31:47Is this a joke?
00:31:48I assure you, I'm no joke.
00:31:49By the way, that pink scarf is very fetching.
00:31:51Who is this?
00:31:52Take it easy.
00:31:53Get away from me.
00:31:54How is your problem?
00:31:55Leave me alone.
00:31:56Leave me alone.
00:31:57Maybe you should make a run for that silver jag you drive home to Miraluma Lane.
00:32:01How do you know where I live?
00:32:02I know everything.
00:32:03What do you want from me?
00:32:04Ma'am?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I'm going to have to ask you to leave them all.
00:32:07I...
00:32:08I...
00:32:09I...
00:32:10I...
00:32:11I...
00:32:12I...
00:32:13I...
00:32:14I...
00:32:15I can't leave.
00:32:16He's...
00:32:17He knows where I live.
00:32:18I...
00:32:19I can't.
00:32:20Who knows, ma'am?
00:32:21This man has been terrorizing me on the phone.
00:32:23He's...
00:32:24Hello?
00:32:25Hey, this is Franklin.
00:32:26We've got to cut seven.
00:32:27Ma'am, you've got to cut me.
00:32:28Don't, don't, don't, don't touch...
00:32:30Don't, don't, don't you dare touch me!
00:32:32It's old.
00:32:33I'm so loud.
00:32:34Oh!
00:32:35Oh!
00:32:36Oh!
00:32:37Oh!
00:32:38Oh!
00:32:39Oh!
00:32:40Oh!
00:32:41Oh!
00:32:42Oh!
00:32:43Oh!
00:32:44Oh!
00:32:45Oh!
00:32:46Oh!
00:32:47Oh!
00:32:48Oh!
00:32:49Oh!
00:32:50Oh!
00:32:51Oh!
00:32:52Oh!
00:32:53Oh!
00:32:54Oh!
00:32:55Oh!
00:32:56Oh!
00:32:57Oh!
00:32:58Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:01Oh!
00:33:02Oh!
00:33:03Oh!
00:33:04After a performance at the mall, I'm sure she would have qualified as committable.
00:33:07But that wasn't enough.
00:33:08I went on her to beg the boys in white coats to take her away.
00:33:11So, Mom, we're going to go out to dinner.
00:33:13Do you want us to bring you back something?
00:33:14Are you both going?
00:33:15Why don't you just come with us?
00:33:16You haven't left the house in three days.
00:33:17Can't.
00:33:18Okay.
00:33:19Hello?
00:33:20Hello?
00:33:21Hello?
00:33:22Hello?
00:33:23Hello?
00:33:24Hello?
00:33:25Hello?
00:33:26Hello?
00:33:27Hello?
00:33:28Hello?
00:33:29Hello?
00:33:30Hello?
00:33:31Hello?
00:33:32Hello?
00:33:37Hello?
00:33:38Hello?
00:33:39Hello?
00:33:40Hello?
00:33:42Hello?
00:33:43Hello?
00:33:44Hello?
00:33:45Hello?
00:33:49Hello?
00:33:50Hello?
00:33:51Hello?
00:33:52Hello?
00:33:53Hello?
00:33:54What do you want?
00:33:56What do you want?
00:33:57Oh my God?
00:34:02Oh my God.
00:34:03Oh my God.
00:34:04Please.
00:34:05Don't.
00:34:06What do you want?
00:34:13Oh, my God.
00:34:14Oh, my God.
00:34:16Oh, my God.
00:34:18Please, no.
00:34:19911.
00:34:20Please, hold.
00:34:22Fuck!
00:34:22Fuck!
00:34:23Fuck!
00:34:24Oh, my God!
00:34:25Oh, my God!
00:34:26Oh, my God!
00:34:29Oh, my God!
00:34:32Oh, God!
00:34:33Oh, God!
00:34:36Oh, my God!
00:34:37Stop!
00:34:37Stop!
00:34:39Help!
00:34:41Oh, my God!
00:34:43Oh, my God!
00:34:43Stop!
00:34:44Ah!
00:34:46Ah!
00:34:47Ah!
00:34:48Stop!
00:34:54Our work finished.
00:34:55We returned home expecting to find her blabbering like a three-year-old.
00:35:01Mom, we're home!
00:35:03Diane, honey!
00:35:06We brought you a pulled pork plate!
00:35:15Diane, wake up.
00:35:16It's us.
00:35:20Wake up, Mommy.
00:35:21Diane, come on.
00:35:24Diane, come on.
00:35:25Wake up.
00:35:25Wake up.
00:35:25Martin, I just picked these sleeping pills up for her yesterday.
00:35:34I suppose we should call an ambulance.
00:35:36Do you really think they can save her?
00:35:39I don't know.
00:35:41She'll only try it again.
00:35:42You know she will.
00:35:43But she will if we keep torturing her like this.
00:35:45Annie, this is wrong.
00:35:46I'm going to call an ambulance.
00:35:47Hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:35:50Who are we to say your choice is wrong?
00:35:53She put the pills in her mouth.
00:35:56I thought we agreed that murder was out.
00:35:59I wouldn't exactly call this murder.
00:36:01I mean, if anything, we're just helping to fulfill her last wish.
00:36:04Minnie, she wouldn't have done this unless we...
00:36:06Minnie, for God's sakes, the woman still has a pulse.
00:36:09All right, look.
00:36:09You can cut the indignant outrage,
00:36:11because if you really cared, you would have already died 9-1-1.
00:36:17Can't we just admit how lucky we both are?
00:36:20It's the perfect alibi.
00:36:21She put the drugs in her system.
00:36:23You're saying we should just leave her here?
00:36:26Can you think of one person who would say she's sane at this point?
00:36:31We're so close to being free.
00:36:34Let's just let nature take its course.
00:36:39So we passed the time watching my favorite show.
00:36:44Our first couple's from Bakersfield, California.
00:36:46Suzanne Parasato and Dean Scalzo.
00:36:49They're gonna get married in three weeks, folks.
00:36:52Date's coming up pretty soon, huh?
00:36:53Don't answer that question.
00:36:54But first, we send you out on some dates, huh?
00:37:09We have to speed this up.
00:37:12What?
00:37:13We can't wait anymore, Martin.
00:37:15Okay?
00:37:16Our alibi is only believable for maybe another hour.
00:37:20We can say we went to a movie after dinner,
00:37:22but if she doesn't croak by midnight, we can forget about this.
00:37:25What exactly are you suggesting?
00:37:28Come on, we don't have time.
00:37:37Look, if we're gonna screw up the details,
00:37:39we might as well call San Quentin
00:37:40and tell him to fire up the Dutch oven.
00:37:46You almost finished?
00:37:48What's the one thing all our friends are gonna be talking about
00:37:50when they find out?
00:37:53How did she look?
00:37:54Do you think anyone will think twice?
00:37:55The answer's fabulous.
00:38:05Well, if you have any last thoughts,
00:38:06I think that now would probably be the appropriate time.
00:38:11You could pretend to have a little remorse.
00:38:25No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:38:31She's gonna be fine.
00:38:32Just tell me that she's gonna be okay.
00:38:33Mr. Tannen, I think you should take your daughter into the house.
00:38:35I don't want to go in the house right now.
00:38:38She's gonna be fine, right?
00:38:40Just say that she's gonna be fine first,
00:38:42then I don't go in the house.
00:38:43She's gonna be okay.
00:38:44Mr. Tannen?
00:39:02Mr. Tannen.
00:39:03Oh.
00:39:05All right.
00:39:06Hi.
00:39:07Detective Dwight Garson, LAPD.
00:39:10I'm, uh, I'm very sorry to be here right now,
00:39:12but, uh, you know, whenever there's an apparent suicide,
00:39:15we're required to do an investigation
00:39:17just to rule out homicide.
00:39:20Right.
00:39:21It's really just a formality.
00:39:24Formality?
00:39:26My mother just killed herself.
00:39:28They haven't even taken her away yet.
00:39:30What's wrong with you?
00:39:31Minnie, honey, the man is just doing his job.
00:39:33I don't care.
00:39:33Tell him to leave.
00:39:34This is outrageous.
00:39:35Could we do this some other time?
00:39:36Of course, Mr. Tannen.
00:39:37I appreciate that.
00:39:40But I will need to ask you just a few simple questions
00:39:42before I leave, if that's okay.
00:39:45I'm sorry, but did you hear him?
00:39:46I believe he said you need to leave.
00:39:48Minnie, let's go to your room
00:39:49and you'll line up for a little while, please.
00:39:50Come on.
00:39:55So after dinner and the movie,
00:39:56we came home at 11.30
00:39:57and, um, found her in the garage,
00:40:00and I, uh, turned off the car
00:40:03and I opened the garage door
00:40:04to, uh, let the, uh, fumes out.
00:40:10So, uh, your wife would have done this
00:40:13sometime between, uh, 8 and 11.33
00:40:16when, uh, you made the 911 call?
00:40:20Yes.
00:40:21So this was your wife's car?
00:40:22Uh, yes.
00:40:23All right.
00:40:25And, uh,
00:40:27was it in the garage when you went through dinner
00:40:30or did she drive it in?
00:40:32I mean, is that important?
00:40:33Oh, well, you know,
00:40:35I'm just kind of trying to reconstruct what happened.
00:40:38Uh, well,
00:40:39when my wife came home from the mall,
00:40:40we had the car towed here
00:40:41and we put it in the garage.
00:40:44Well, if it's okay, uh,
00:40:46I'm gonna have them impound it
00:40:48and, uh, they'll take it down to the crime lab.
00:40:50I'm gonna take it down to the crime lab.
00:40:53Yeah.
00:40:53Again, you know,
00:40:54it's just purely routine.
00:40:55Right.
00:40:59Yeah.
00:41:01So, uh,
00:41:03have you,
00:41:05have you found a note yet?
00:41:11You mean a suicide note?
00:41:14Yeah.
00:41:15Usually the deceased tend to leave one.
00:41:19Uh, no.
00:41:20No, no,
00:41:21we haven't.
00:41:22But, uh,
00:41:22we haven't been looking for one either.
00:41:24Right.
00:41:26Right.
00:41:29Well,
00:41:31you mind if I have a look around?
00:41:33No, no.
00:41:34No.
00:41:42Who cares if we didn't even know?
00:41:44Just relax.
00:41:45This is a what?
00:41:46He'll do his little dance
00:41:48and chalk it up to another failed actress
00:41:49who realized after 40
00:41:50she might as well be dead.
00:41:52Okay.
00:41:55Shit.
00:41:56What?
00:41:56I gotta put the sweatsuits
00:41:58in my goggles.
00:41:59I already snuck out back
00:42:00and threw them in Mike Riddell's garbage cans.
00:42:06Good.
00:42:07Very good.
00:42:08Just relax.
00:42:09We did it.
00:42:11Good night.
00:42:19Good night.
00:42:24Good night.
00:42:25Sick of waiting in this wake
00:42:28My eyes are barely shut
00:42:30I can't see
00:42:33I'm running away from the pieces
00:42:41Before then I was actually working in catering
00:42:44but I discovered I had this amazing talent
00:42:47to read people's flower auras if I made
00:42:49Venus flytrap
00:42:52You scared me
00:42:54Just keep them coming
00:42:56It's a tragic loss
00:43:00Thank you so much
00:43:01Is this soy?
00:43:02I don't know
00:43:03Is this tofurky?
00:43:05It could be okay
00:43:06Good
00:43:10I'm so delighted by small things
00:43:12Does anybody know how is Minnie doing?
00:43:16I hear she's totally devastated
00:43:18Just look at her
00:43:19Martin, I mean think of him
00:43:22He's a single parent now
00:43:23He's going to need all the support that he can get from families and friends
00:43:26Oh, it takes a village
00:43:27The wake was a riot
00:43:29With mom out of the way
00:43:30Come in, babe
00:43:31Martin suddenly became prime target number one
00:43:33Would you excuse me?
00:43:34She wasn't even cold yet
00:43:36And already her friends were realizing
00:43:37Whoever could dump their hubbies the fastest
00:43:39They could actually marry someone they'd want to sleep with
00:43:41Martin?
00:43:43How are you holding up?
00:43:45Well, the nights are the roughest
00:43:47I hope you know that despite a little disagreement
00:43:50Diane was like a sister to me
00:43:52Oh, I know
00:43:53And if you ever need someone to talk to
00:43:57Or even just a hug
00:43:59I can be over in ten minutes
00:44:03After the funeral, I felt it would be a good idea if we took a vacation
00:44:14And want some place where we could act like a real couple for the first time
00:44:18And you'reston cutting through
00:44:19TheŃĐșĐžĐŒ Steel
00:44:19And you are pleading
00:44:21It won't happen
00:44:23That's rare
00:44:24I'm sorry
00:44:25Until you know
00:44:26You're sorry
00:44:34You're right
00:44:35I'm sorry
00:44:36You're right
00:44:40I'm sorry
00:44:42I could feel that Martin had let the whole thing with the cops go.
00:45:02It had been two weeks since Mom's death, and already it felt like it happened a year ago.
00:45:12Martin, Minnie. Hi, I thought that was you.
00:45:28Mike, what are you doing here?
00:45:31Last week, Minnie mentioned that you guys were going to come down here for a little R&R,
00:45:36and I suddenly realized that I hadn't taken a vacation, and God knows when.
00:45:40Jennifer, this is Martin Tannen, my next-door neighbor and his daughter, Minnie.
00:45:45And here is the kicker. Jennifer works for the same escort service that I did.
00:45:49I'm sorry, Jennifer, but have we met? You look really familiar.
00:45:53I don't think so.
00:45:54No, are you sure? Have we worked together?
00:46:00That's impossible, because I just moved here from Canada, the Yukon Territories.
00:46:10I just wanted you both to know how sorry I am for your loss.
00:46:13Our loss? He just lost six or seven freebies a year for Mom.
00:46:17Look at him. He's a profiling courage.
00:46:19If there's anything that I can do for either of you,
00:46:23don't hesitate to ask. Remember, I'm just, uh, I'm right, right across the fence.
00:46:30Thanks, Mike. We appreciate that.
00:46:35Breakfast tomorrow. Frittata. I'm sending over a frittata for you guys.
00:46:39Don't be surprised. Okay, bye-bye. Bye, guys.
00:46:41Why did you tell him?
00:46:45I was just being friendly.
00:46:47Carrie didn't think it actually told me.
00:46:48He knows. He found the goggles and the clothes, and he fucking knows.
00:46:53I doubt he even knows where his trash cans are.
00:46:56Relax, it was just a coincidence.
00:46:58Coincidence or not, he saw us together. Let's go. Let's get in the car.
00:47:00He didn't send me. It was dark. It was dark outside.
00:47:04No, no, no, no, no, no. He was toying with us.
00:47:06You didn't see that, the way that he was toying with us?
00:47:08No, he didn't.
00:47:08No?
00:47:09No. What is he gonna do, huh?
00:47:13Go home and tell everyone we're a couple?
00:47:16We'll just laugh it off and say vacations with hookers.
00:47:18Okay, thank you. Let's get in the car. Let's go to the airport now. Come on.
00:47:21Martin, come on. Calm down, all right?
00:47:23Nothing is gonna happen.
00:47:25Let's just go inside and have another drink, okay?
00:47:32Aurelio?
00:47:32This is Yorica.
00:47:33Hi. We're actually gonna stay, so can you bring these bags in for us?
00:47:36Nothing good.
00:47:57The next few days were a real hoot.
00:47:59Suddenly, Martin was acting like he really was my father.
00:48:02we returned home and things didn't get much better what little sex we were having was
00:48:26getting dull I tried spicing things up with a little role-playing but I was
00:48:31becoming concerned that in my world at first I'd achieve my greatest first at too young an age
00:48:36hi Minerva Tannen detective Garson I don't know if you remember me from that night drugs my last
00:48:51name is Drogues yes I remember you you were the big-hearted lug who wanted your questions
00:48:55answer while my mother was still warm again I'm sorry about that night but it is policy that we
00:49:01get the preliminary facts as soon as possible sorry what do you want I need to ask you a few
00:49:07more questions about your mother's death all right come in thank you I know it's stupid as hell to talk
00:49:16to a cop without a lawyer but I didn't want to look jumpy and my first real interrogation I could
00:49:21literally feel something tingle deep inside yeah it's a little early for the prom isn't it a girl
00:49:27can dream can't she it's perfectly legal sure so uh anyway we uh we got the preliminary coroner's report
00:49:35although the pills rendered your mother unconscious she died from the carbon monoxide fumes from the
00:49:42exhaust is that important well it's uh it's just a little unusual for a suicide victim to use two
00:49:51methods well maybe she wanted to drift off before the fumes got her yeah I suppose you're right we also
00:50:00got the phone records and there was a 911 call placed at 812 it was a hang-up really yeah any uh any idea
00:50:10why your mom might have called 911 okay fine this may be the most exciting thing I've done in a while
00:50:16but even I know when the rush isn't worth the risk listen detective I think you should come back when
00:50:20my father's home he'll probably be upset that I let a stranger in the house yeah I think you're safe with
00:50:28me even so he won't be happy not a problem so uh will he be back tonight I'll give him a call
00:50:39okay thanks and you let him in
00:50:42it would have looked worse to be defensive
00:50:46and when's he coming over tonight tonight I've got a dinner with Chapman I've already
00:50:54canceled on him twice damn it why didn't you call me
00:50:57I'm sorry I didn't know you had plans
00:51:00all right listen I'll be home early so we can get our story straight okay
00:51:04I really do appreciate you taking the time to help us out you know there's just a few loose ends
00:51:20we need to tie up absolutely what would you like to know well there uh there seems to be some
00:51:26questions to the time of your wife's death you said that you went to uh to dinner in a movie
00:51:31detective I don't mean to sound overly sensitive but do I need my attorney here because these sound
00:51:37more like the questions you would ask a suspect in a homicide investigation Mr. Tannen I uh I really
00:51:44just kind of want to finish this up you know I have real homicides that need my attention so
00:51:49how about this you know I'll ask you some questions and the ones that you don't want to answer well
00:51:56you know we can just skip those yeah that sounds good doesn't it dad let's just get this over with
00:52:02please go ahead all right you said that uh that after dinner you went to a movie that's right
00:52:10start time nine o'clock what'd you say uh we saw that Jackie Chan movie where he uh tries to stop
00:52:17the terrorists from blowing up Mount Rushmore running time 115 minutes yeah buddy of mine he saw it he said
00:52:23that the ending was pretty crazy for god's sakes does he think we wouldn't actually see it yeah
00:52:27they're sliding down Washington's nose and the guy's got the bomb strapped ahead don't tell him he hasn't
00:52:31seen it yet another demerit for me oh it's okay so uh where'd you see it the galleria drive time 17
00:52:39minutes and you got home when 11 30 precisely with 12 minutes of previews you didn't think we'd forget
00:52:45the previews detective if you don't have any further questions it is a uh school night oh right yeah
00:52:51sorry no I think that about wraps it up for now thanks for now
00:52:56detective we're trying very hard to put back the pieces of our lives and every time you come by you
00:53:04dredge all this up again I've already told you everything that I know sorry I wish I could be
00:53:08more definitive I can't well I'm telling you that if you do come back with more questions I hope it's
00:53:13because you're charging us with something
00:53:14us
00:53:18I can't believe I let you talk me into this
00:53:41I'm sure that was just routine stuff honey that was anything but routine let me tell you
00:53:50nice use of the word us by the way it slipped out okay I'm sorry you know if I had a nickel for
00:53:59every time I heard that okay just chill out right I'm sure this will all blow over in a few days chill
00:54:06out did you just tell me to chill out you realize they can go for the death penalty don't you
00:54:11he was probably just trying to spook us they only try to spook you if they really think you did it
00:54:17look it was a great plan okay no one can prove that we put those pills in our mouth because we
00:54:24didn't it's such a great plan then why am I cancelling dinners with important clients
00:54:27to accommodate a detective who doesn't believe that it was a suicide huh if you're so fucking smart
00:54:32see you later where are you going out
00:54:44okay
00:54:47so
00:54:53i don't understand why you do this to me
00:55:09You keep on messing around, I guess you gotta break free
00:55:11All these ups and downs, how could you let it be?
00:55:14Girl, don't you see what's happening?
00:55:16Don't let us go, don't let us go
00:55:20Don't let us go, baby
00:55:24Don't be so cruel to me
00:55:27What was I thinking?
00:55:30From the first kiss, now I yearn in this all, baby
00:55:34Got me running around like a fool
00:55:37But knew that I was there for you
00:55:39There for you
00:55:41Oh, what have I done?
00:56:07A phone call would have been appreciated at some point
00:56:20I was worried about you
00:56:34Martin, I'm not sure you're aware, but at this point you can't be my dad and my lover
00:56:40I'm not saying that as your dad
00:56:42Before your mother and I grew apart
00:56:47I would be worried when she was out late
00:56:50Well, I'm not her, so I can assure you
00:56:52You won't find me drunk, passed out in some grease balls fuck pad with my panties around my ankles
00:56:58Unless I choose to
00:57:00What the hell has gotten into you?
00:57:03I express some concern for you and you threaten me
00:57:06Minnie, when you're in a relationship, it's okay to worry about someone
00:57:10Have you ever been in a relationship, Minnie?
00:57:14My God, you haven't, have you?
00:57:28Congratulations
00:57:28You're my first
00:57:31Hello
00:57:43Good morning
00:57:44It's just a ride for you
00:57:49Martin Tannen's office, how may I help you?
00:58:01Yes, thank you so much
00:58:05Lois, we have to reschedule the Chapman meeting
00:58:14I know, just tell him it's an unavoidable emergency
00:58:19What do you mean you don't keep records of who the senders are?
00:58:41When it's paid cash, we only keep records on packages, not envelopes
00:58:45Excuse me
00:58:49Yeah
00:58:51Mr. Tannen?
00:58:53Uh-huh
00:58:53I just spoke to Mr. Chapman
00:58:55Uh-huh
00:58:56He...
00:58:57He told me to tell you that he is going to be seeking a new firm to handle his company's needs
00:59:02And Mr. Marver and Mr. Boyd have asked to see you when you return to the office
00:59:08Thank you, Lois
00:59:09What's up, guys?
00:59:28Have a seat
00:59:29Do I want to have a seat?
00:59:35We just got a call from Chapman
00:59:36Well, the old guy is a little unstable, we all know that
00:59:39Unstable
00:59:40He told us you canceled three meetings on him at the last minute
00:59:43Well, Jesus, my wife just committed suicide, so please forgive me if I've been alone
00:59:47No one is saying this hasn't been a difficult time for you
00:59:49But whatever's been distracting you, Martin, started long before that
00:59:52Chapman was a whale
00:59:53A whale that I brought in
00:59:55And now you've lost
00:59:56A whale we couldn't afford to lose
00:59:57Clients come and go
00:59:59We all know that
01:00:00It's musical chairs, it always has been
01:00:01I mean, what is the big deal?
01:00:03I'll land another whale
01:00:04In fact, Jerry Burgess from IBS just called me this morning
01:00:07He wants me to play 18 at the Riff
01:00:08I'll spot him three a side and push a four-footer on the last one
01:00:11He'll be ours by Friday
01:00:12Come on, guys
01:00:13We've made our decision
01:00:16You've made your decision?
01:00:20This is my company
01:00:21You came to me
01:00:23I was landing whales like Chapman
01:00:26When you two jerk-offs were playing beer pong in your frat basement
01:00:29And slipping roofies to the local high school girls
01:00:32I don't give a shit what decisions you've made
01:00:34This is my firm
01:00:36Look at that smug prick
01:00:39He's fucking with me
01:00:41And I will not be fucked with
01:00:43What are you gonna do?
01:00:45I'm gonna go over there and tell him
01:00:46If he doesn't back off, he's gonna get hurt
01:00:48Are you crazy?
01:00:50I'm not even sure it's him
01:00:50For God's sakes, the pictures were sent
01:00:52From a messenger agency right in his own building
01:00:54He was the only person at the resort who knew who we were
01:00:57Okay
01:00:58But then he could go to the cops and tell him you threatened them
01:01:00Then they'd really start investigating us
01:01:02That son of a bitch cost me the firm that it took me 15 years to build
01:01:0815 years
01:01:11Well, if you go to his house and you start waving this around
01:01:15It's gonna cost you a lot more than that
01:01:17Martin didn't sleep at all that night
01:01:25And made damn well sure I didn't either
01:01:27Morbid drones
01:01:44Hi, Miss Rudolph
01:01:45Mike, please
01:01:47Mike, of course
01:01:48Can I come in?
01:01:49Come on, come on, please
01:01:50Okay
01:01:51Come on
01:01:52Oh, wow, I haven't been here since you redecorated
01:01:56We just got all this finished
01:01:58I'm so sorry that your mother never got to see it
01:02:01I'm sure she'd approve
01:02:03Oh
01:02:04Hey, if you don't mind my asking
01:02:07How are you doing?
01:02:12I'm alright
01:02:12I mean, it's been hard right now
01:02:14Yeah, yeah, yeah
01:02:15You know, I guess I just keep telling myself that she's probably much happier where she is now
01:02:19Oh, gosh, you know what?
01:02:22You're absolutely
01:02:22Positive?
01:02:23No, I was gonna say, um, correct
01:02:26Have you seen that show?
01:02:28Have you seen that show?
01:02:28Have I seen that show?
01:02:33Stop it!
01:02:33That's my favorite show!
01:02:35I love that show!
01:02:36Don't, don't
01:02:36I'm not lying to you
01:02:37That's my favorite show
01:02:38I love how you never know if the couples are gonna stay together
01:02:41Ugh
01:02:42Uh, you know, if you'd ever want to visit the set, by the way
01:02:45Or spend the day, or even be a contestant
01:02:47What do you mean, be a contestant?
01:02:49Well, you know, those dates are totally harmless
01:02:51You spend an evening with a person
01:02:52We prep you on what to say before the show
01:02:53If that would be fun
01:02:54That would be so much fun for me, I would love that
01:02:57Really?
01:02:58Really, it'd be fun
01:02:59Okay
01:03:00Well, then I'll arrange it
01:03:02You will?
01:03:04It's done
01:03:04Um, anyway, have a seat
01:03:07Okay
01:03:07What's, uh, what's on your mind?
01:03:13Tell me
01:03:14Um, you know, I know this might sound somewhat strange
01:03:17But, um, have you seen any suspicious-looking people around my house lately?
01:03:22No
01:03:23Why? What's, is everything okay? Do I have to bust some heads?
01:03:27Not today
01:03:27What's happened?
01:03:29Um, no, everything's fine
01:03:30It's just that after my mom died
01:03:31Someone sent this really weird picture of me and Martin together
01:03:34Together?
01:03:36Well, it implied that, um
01:03:37I know this one's crazy, but
01:03:39It implied that we were a couple
01:03:40Couple?
01:03:43You and Martin?
01:03:44Hmm
01:03:44Hmm
01:03:47Well
01:03:48Certainly relations between older men and younger women
01:03:52Are, uh
01:03:53Are an accepted part of society
01:03:55But, uh, that must be creepy
01:03:57And I get an anonymous picture
01:03:58That's so disturbing, huh?
01:04:00Yeah, yeah, it was
01:04:00Hey, just out of curiosity
01:04:02What kind of picture could they have sent you
01:04:04To indicate that you and Martin were a couple, or?
01:04:08Well, I mean, it's not like I was naked or anything
01:04:09I mean, don't get me wrong
01:04:12Martin has seen me naked
01:04:13My stepfather is going to see me naked
01:04:14But I wasn't naked in the pictures
01:04:16Of course
01:04:17I wasn't naked in the pictures
01:04:19Wow, you're full of chaos and anarchy
01:04:32And in sheer
01:04:33Golly
01:04:37Now listen to this
01:04:38Listen to this
01:04:39Sing this
01:04:40I'm amazed
01:04:47I'm amazed the anticipation
01:04:48Of pulling off a mother-daughter double dip
01:04:50Didn't give him a stroke right there
01:04:52Go ahead, ready
01:04:55That way you want a cop
01:04:59Minnie
01:05:02Yes, Mr. Bishop
01:05:04I've got a note to go to the principal's office right away
01:05:06Do you?
01:05:07Hold this
01:05:09I'll make it fast
01:05:11I always do
01:05:11Detective Garson
01:05:16Hello
01:05:16What's going on?
01:05:18Minnie, have a seat
01:05:19Minnie, uh, this tape was shot a week before your mother's death
01:05:33And, uh, the next day the school nurse reported a bottle of Ritalin missing from the medicine cabinet
01:05:43And, uh, we lifted two sets of prints
01:05:49One from the door
01:05:51One from the inside of the medicine cabinet
01:05:53And, uh, neither one of them matches the nurse
01:05:55Okay?
01:05:57Minnie
01:05:57Is there something you'd like to say to Detective Garson?
01:06:04Can we see the tape of DeFerris sucking down her afternoon fix of vodka?
01:06:08Why do you guys not keep cameras in the bathroom stalls?
01:06:10Don't you dare do that
01:06:11Don't you dare try to deflect this
01:06:14Stealing, if no one ever told you, is a serious matter
01:06:18Stealing prescription drugs from a school is a very serious matter
01:06:22You got me, okay?
01:06:29Well, what was I supposed to do?
01:06:30What does that mean?
01:06:31Well, she said if I didn't...
01:06:32Who?
01:06:33She...
01:06:33Who, another student?
01:06:34No, my mother
01:06:35She made me steal them for her
01:06:36I didn't want to
01:06:37But she said she was going to send me to boarding school in Canada if I didn't
01:06:40Canada?
01:06:41The Yukon Territories
01:06:42Are you happy now?
01:06:47Oh, my lord, I had no idea
01:06:49She was...
01:06:52What?
01:06:52What, an addict?
01:06:54Detective Garson knew
01:06:55My mommy's dead, okay?
01:06:59Can't we just let her be?
01:07:04Detective Garson
01:07:04I assume there won't be any need to press charges against Ms. Drogues?
01:07:10Oh, hey, Mr. Tannen
01:07:16I was actually just coming to see you
01:07:18Have you got a minute?
01:07:19Detective, I thought I said no more questions without my lawyer
01:07:22Yeah, um
01:07:23I think you better call
01:07:25Yeah, so
01:07:29There's a, um
01:07:31There's a small discrepancy
01:07:32I couldn't quite figure it out
01:07:34And I was hoping maybe you could explain it
01:07:37I suppose I can try
01:07:38Okay
01:07:39Yeah, we, uh
01:07:40We got the final toxicology report
01:07:42And your wife definitely didn't die from the pills
01:07:45She wasn't conscious past 9.30
01:07:47But, uh, you know
01:07:49It was the fumes that killed her
01:07:50Hallelujah
01:07:52Thanks for the update
01:07:54And Mark, Mark
01:07:55Easy
01:07:55Come on
01:07:56This is harassment here
01:07:57Just, please
01:07:57Uh, we'll see
01:07:58Here's what I wanted to ask
01:08:00The gas tank in the Jag
01:08:01Was almost completely full
01:08:03Only about a gallon of fuel had been used
01:08:05And?
01:08:07Well
01:08:07If, uh, she was unconscious by 9.30
01:08:10That means that the car would have been running for at least two hours by the time you found her
01:08:14And, uh, an unconscious person can't, you know, turn on a car, right?
01:08:18Detective, with all due respect, could you, uh, get to the point?
01:08:21That's the part where I get kind of confused, you see
01:08:23In that model Jaguar
01:08:25If, uh, if you were to leave it idling for two hours
01:08:28It would burn at least, uh, four gallons of fuel
01:08:31You see?
01:08:36So
01:08:36It doesn't
01:08:38It doesn't really seem like there's any way that the gas tank could be, uh, full
01:08:43If it had been running for two hours
01:08:45You're right
01:08:48So, uh, I guess, you know, what I'm, what I'm asking is
01:08:53You know, whose idea was to put her in the car
01:08:56Martin, Martin, don't, don't say anything
01:08:58Look, Mr. Tannen
01:09:00I know that you're the person that has the most to gain from your wife's death
01:09:04But I've also learned
01:09:06From talking to her friends
01:09:08That she and Minnie had a pretty strained relationship
01:09:11Uh, excuse me, what's your first name again?
01:09:14It's Dwight
01:09:15Listen, Dwight
01:09:16Do I look like the kind of guy who's gonna allow my client to sit or listen to these questions in these circumstances?
01:09:20Don't insult my intelligence, Dwight
01:09:22Just cut to the chase
01:09:23Okay, I'd just like for Mr. Tannen to know that if he's trying to be a protective father
01:09:27By covering up something Minnie might have done
01:09:29I'd really think twice about it
01:09:31I really would
01:09:32Because the DA in this case, he's viewing it, you know, as kind of an opportunity to show the public
01:09:37That the rich can't get away with murdering this town
01:09:39Does this mean that he's offering Mr. Tannen immunity if he says he was protecting his daughter?
01:09:56Yeah, that's a strong possibility
01:09:58But he also wants Mr. Tannen to know that if he doesn't do it
01:10:02He's gonna go for the maximum sentence
01:10:04No manslaughter
01:10:06No plea bargain
01:10:07Nothing
01:10:09It was Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick
01:10:13Uh, Miss Drogues, as your lawyer, I think that I should...
01:10:15Don't wet your pants
01:10:16I know when to shut up
01:10:18And swallow
01:10:19Look, uh, the fact that the marriage was unhappy
01:10:24And that there was no prenup
01:10:26That gives all the motive to Martin
01:10:28Okay
01:10:28So you want me to say it was his idea?
01:10:31Well, if it was his idea
01:10:33Can you give me one good reason why you should take the fall?
01:10:35So you're saying if I tell the jury it was his idea
01:10:43And I was scared for my life because he said he'd kill me if I ever told anyone
01:10:47Then I walk?
01:10:57Sorry, sport
01:10:58But I'll take my chances
01:11:00I never doubted for a moment you were gonna hold firm
01:11:08Not for a second
01:11:09I hope you know that
01:11:10You know that?
01:11:12Yeah
01:11:13Good
01:11:15You realize we're gonna have to learn to rely on each other
01:11:19I have only one concern now
01:11:21What?
01:11:25Udell
01:11:25If the jury finds out we're a couple then we both have a motive
01:11:29And that changes everything
01:11:31Don't worry about him, baby
01:11:35He's just jealous
01:11:36Even if he did send that picture, what does it prove?
01:11:40Nothing
01:11:40Oh, hey, come and watch
01:11:51Come on, you're missing me, I'm on TV
01:11:52I need what?
01:11:54Why?
01:11:55Hurry up, the commercial's almost over
01:11:56Welcome back to Absolutely Positive
01:11:59Now it's time to hear how the date between Jason and Minnie ended
01:12:03Jason
01:12:04You said
01:12:05You went on to show
01:12:06Yeah, I thought I'd be a gasp
01:12:07To test your ability to resist temptation
01:12:10Well, since Becky and I have dated since high school
01:12:16And we decided to remain virgins until marriage
01:12:22I wanted to go on another date with another girl
01:12:25Just to see how I would react
01:12:27You know, to see if there were any doubts about my decision
01:12:32Hmm
01:12:32So, after dinner, what happened?
01:12:35Um, well, she suggested this dance club that she knew
01:12:39I'm not really a good dancer, but, um, I said yes
01:12:43We never go dancing
01:12:44Minnie
01:12:44Jason a good dancer?
01:12:46Boy's a damn quick learner
01:12:47Not just at dancing
01:12:49Oh, you mean there was some other teacher-student stuff going on?
01:12:53No, not really, I mean
01:12:55What about when we went back to your place?
01:12:56You what?
01:12:57That's not true
01:12:58Why are you doing this?
01:13:00Why are you being so shy?
01:13:02We turned on the music
01:13:03We started kissing
01:13:04No!
01:13:05No!
01:13:06But, JJ, you said it was special
01:13:08You...
01:13:09You slept with her?
01:13:12No
01:13:12No!
01:13:14To say the least
01:13:15You slept with him?
01:13:17God, Martin, it was a one-time thing
01:13:18Put it this way
01:13:19You're in for a wild ride from this block
01:13:21He was a virgin
01:13:22How could I say no?
01:13:24It won't happen again, okay?
01:13:25I promise
01:13:26It was just a goof
01:13:27Yeah, JJ, tell us more
01:13:28Brudel
01:13:31He let you go on there?
01:13:33Yeah, I thought it'd be fun
01:13:34I mean, I wasn't really supposed to, you know
01:13:36Go all the way with him, but
01:13:38I can't believe you
01:13:40That couple, you've ruined their relationship
01:13:43The show is called Absolutely Positive for a reason
01:13:46Clearly the only thing Jason was positive about was, uh
01:13:49Yeah
01:13:51You really are a sick little twist, you know that?
01:13:58Well, what does that make you?
01:14:05I need some air
01:14:07By the way, some intern from your office stopped by earlier today with something
01:14:14It's on the bar
01:14:15What is that?
01:14:27I think it's time I had a little chat with our neighbor
01:14:36No, this is exactly what he wants
01:14:39What if he's working with Garson?
01:14:41Then he can't blackmail me
01:14:42I want you to wait here, I'll be right back in a minute
01:14:44Let me go with you
01:14:45I said wait here
01:14:46Let me just talk to him, okay?
01:14:48He promised me he wouldn't hurt us
01:14:49Oh, he did
01:14:51When?
01:14:53A few days ago
01:14:54You saw him?
01:14:55Yeah, I went to try to find out what he knew
01:14:56I spent the afternoon with him
01:14:58You spent the afternoon with him?
01:14:59I was doing it for us
01:15:01I figured he wouldn't turn us in
01:15:02If you what?
01:15:05If I made him think that I was interested
01:15:08Please tell me that you didn't
01:15:13No
01:15:13No
01:15:16I just made him think that I would
01:15:18So he wouldn't turn us in
01:15:19Thank you
01:15:21I appreciate your restraint
01:15:24You ungrateful son of a bitch
01:15:26I think you'd be a little bit more appreciative
01:15:28I was doing it for us
01:15:30For us?
01:15:31And who were you doing it for
01:15:32When you were doing it with the kid on that show?
01:15:35Who was that selfless act for?
01:15:39Oh, like you're such a martyr for being faithful
01:15:41It shows amazing restraint to limit yourself
01:15:44To just one stepdaughter
01:15:45Don't lecture me about infidelity
01:15:48Your mother was cheating on me
01:15:51Within six months of the I do's
01:15:53Now if you'll excuse me
01:15:56Okay, look, I'm sorry
01:15:57Let go of me
01:15:58You're making a mistake
01:15:59I said let go of me
01:16:01You're hurting me
01:16:03Now you wait here until I get back
01:16:06Do you understand?
01:16:09Say yes, Martin
01:16:10Yes, Martin
01:16:12What a surprise
01:16:30How are you?
01:16:31I just saw Minnie on your show
01:16:33Oh, it was tonight the night
01:16:36You know, I auditioned lots of girls
01:16:38And she was, uh, fuckin' incredible
01:16:42Uh-huh
01:16:44Not real natural, huh?
01:16:45Yeah, like a duck takes to water
01:16:47Totally
01:16:48Willing to take direction
01:16:51Uh, I wish all the girls I worked with
01:16:53Had her, uh, uh, how can I put this?
01:16:58Need to please
01:16:59Hi, I need the police sent right away
01:17:03To 25051 Mariloma Lane
01:17:05No
01:17:07You mother fucker
01:17:17It's quite unshakable
01:17:19To blow your heart
01:17:20It's quite unthinkable
01:17:22Say your life is unmistakably blue
01:17:26Go!
01:17:28No!
01:17:29Say it is
01:17:31Until it happens to you
01:17:33No!
01:17:33No!
01:17:33No!
01:17:34No!
01:17:34No!
01:17:34No!
01:17:34No!
01:17:35No!
01:17:35No!
01:17:36No!
01:17:36No!
01:17:37No!
01:17:37No!
01:17:38No!
01:17:39No!
01:17:40No!
01:17:41No!
01:17:42No!
01:17:43No!
01:17:44No!
01:17:45No!
01:17:46No!
01:17:47No!
01:17:53Where are they, huh?
01:17:56What are you talking about?
01:17:57Don't fuck with me, they're negatives
01:17:58Where are they?
01:17:59What the fuck?
01:18:10How do you like this, you son of a bitch?
01:18:12huh you thought i could have my wife and my daughter well i'm sorry pal she's mine
01:18:23okay you listen to me you son of a bitch you give me those negatives or so help me god
01:18:32i'm gonna crack your head open go get the negatives no this is insane i need those
01:18:38negatives stop don't i'm gonna kill him what the hell is wrong with you he's gonna tell everybody
01:18:43freeze sheriff's department shut the club he's crazy i told him to stop i told him
01:18:49call your cool white unshakable call your heart beat white unthinkable
01:19:01say your life is unmistakably blue
01:19:05say it is until it happens to you
01:19:12with rodell having slipped into a coma after the fight and garson uncovering my mom's affair with
01:19:19him suddenly that gas gauge theory went from circumstantial to airtight martin realized trying
01:19:24to pin anything on me would probably get in the chair at his sentencing i begged for leniency
01:19:29hey sorry i'm late okay i forgot to bring the book you wanted oh it's all right you couldn't mail it to me
01:19:51are you okay have you showered since you've been in here
01:19:56you know in here you gotta be careful when you uh so uh how's school oh my god you'll never guess
01:20:03what happened what happened as many of you know the past few months of my life have been very difficult
01:20:08i don't know how i would have gotten through it without all of you
01:20:10i really think it's a testament to the love in this institution
01:20:14that i stand before you today as the first straight c student in school history to be voted valedictorian
01:20:19uh don't you have to be the best student i know but uh the students voted and they said they wanted me to have it for um demonstrating remarkable courage in the face of unspeakable loss
01:20:30huh wow i wonder what the real valedictorian must feel about that
01:20:35again to marvin tepperman the real valedictorian he deserved this and i want to wish him a speedy recovery
01:20:42i spoke to his doctors today and they say with medication and therapy marvin should be able to attend harvard this fall
01:20:48did rudel come out of his coma yet i don't know why why because if he recovers he could blackmail you with those pictures
01:20:57i wouldn't worry about that
01:20:59yeah but if the da got those pictures he could i'm i'm pretty sure he won't be doing anything with him
01:21:04i've met some people in here who can help us with him if it comes down to that
01:21:09help us well they know people on the outside that we could pay to stop him from taking advantage of you
01:21:14oh that's so romantic it's like you're a real life criminal with connections and everything
01:21:20but i'm a little surprised you haven't figured it out yet
01:21:23figured what out
01:21:26rudel didn't send those pictures
01:21:30you remember aurelio
01:21:33aurelio
01:21:34our cabana boy from mexico
01:21:36uh huh
01:21:37yeah what a sweetie
01:21:39i thought i might have to fuck him but just giving him the camera was enough
01:21:45you mean that you
01:21:46well i may not have excelled in the classroom
01:21:48i think that my recent experiences in that bigger schoolhouse we call life
01:21:52has taught me a few lessons that i'd like to share with my fellow graduates
01:21:55martin it was pretty clear garson wasn't gonna give up and
01:21:58sooner or later he'd find enough to charge us
01:22:01it just seemed ridiculous that we'd both end up suffering
01:22:04how could you do this to me
01:22:06follow your heart and don't question it
01:22:08no matter where it tells you to go
01:22:10oh come on you would have done it if you thought of it first
01:22:12why the fuck did you do this to me
01:22:14trust me it'll open up a world of new experiences you can't even imagine
01:22:17hey listen since conjugal visits are pretty much out of the question
01:22:21i was thinking maybe we could try a little prison phone sex
01:22:24you know i might even be able to pop one out right here without anyone seeing
01:22:27are you ready
01:22:28guard
01:22:30are you sure i won't be able to come back for a few weeks
01:22:32don't forget your family your parents
01:22:34wait have you met someone in here
01:22:36guard
01:22:37don't forget that they're people too and while you may not always agree with them
01:22:39why you old dog i knew you wouldn't be single in here for long
01:22:42remember to love them when they need love
01:22:44guard she did it she just admitted it
01:22:46and i mean really love them don't just pay them lip service
01:22:49it was her idea it was your fucking idea
01:22:51really do it whenever you can
01:22:53don't let her leave she's still to get the warden
01:22:55what the fuck are you
01:22:56i know i did
01:22:57you little fucking whore
01:22:59i'm gonna kill you you little fucking bitch
01:23:04and i just wish that my dad could be here today
01:23:06so that after the speech i could walk into the audience
01:23:08and give him my love right here in front of all of you
01:23:14thank you and good luck
01:23:16you're the one that i was living for
01:23:44like i promised
01:23:48with desire
01:23:50focus
01:23:51and the willingness to treat any obstacle as an opportunity
01:23:53it's amazing what you can accomplish
01:23:55and in case you're feeling guilty about having no one to identify with but me
01:24:00relax
01:24:01there's a first time for everything
01:24:03it's time for everything
01:24:04it's time for everything
01:24:06i wanna see my son
01:24:07supersonic
01:24:08i want you to find it higher than high
01:24:09i can't i'm longer
01:24:10i want you to find it higher than high
01:24:11i can't i'm longer
01:24:12i want you to find it higher than high
01:24:13you know it's so poor
01:24:14I know it's so poetic, don't you get it?
01:24:16It's time to lift it up, but I'm not alone
01:24:18Cause I want it harder than I
01:24:21Nobody's in me
01:24:25Hang up the phone
01:24:28So show me how you want it like a dream
01:24:36I will not be your pretty little time
01:24:44I'm dear, yeah, I'm insane
01:24:49I don't have to be my beauty queen
01:24:53I wanna see the sun and sky, the sun and sky
01:24:56And I know I'm not alone
01:24:58I know it's so poetic, don't you get it?
01:25:03It's time to lift it up, but I'm not alone
01:25:05I know it's so poetic, don't you get it?
01:25:07I know it's so poetic, don't you get it?
01:25:08Nobody's in me
01:25:12Hang up the phone
01:25:15I know it's so poetic, don't you get it?
01:25:30It's time to lift it up, but I'm not alone
01:25:33I know I know it's so poetic, don't you get it?
01:25:47Hang up the phone
01:25:49She's got 17 mothers and they love to watch her run
01:26:09She's got 18 mothers and they love to chase me for fun
01:26:14She hides in the nights cause she knows what they want was her fire
01:26:21Yes, she runs, yes, she runs, yes, she runs, yes, she runs, yes, she runs, run, run, run, run, run, run
01:26:30She knows she's got what every man wants
01:26:36She knows she's got what every man needs
01:26:43In the rain, in the cloud of black widow
01:26:49In the red, the rainbow from hell
01:26:57It's the rain, it's the breeze she moves to
01:27:03She's beautiful, yes, and her eyes are on you
01:27:13Yeah, so she's got a night that she's come back to haunt you again
01:27:23You tried to escape, but her eyes couldn't chew with it
01:27:29So if you ever find yourself alone down Highland Road
01:27:36Yeah, you run, yeah, you run, yeah, you run, yeah, you run, yeah, you run, yeah, you run, run, run, run, run, run
01:27:45I love you.
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