Surviving episodes playlist:
https://dailymotion.com/playlist/x9pb9s
https://dailymotion.com/playlist/x9pb9s
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TVTranscript
00:00I was waiting for Brian.
00:22Oh, come on, lightning.
00:26Hello.
00:26There's no time for pleasantries, said Dougal.
00:30You're late.
00:31We've got a lot to do and you're late.
00:34If you were in a union, I'd suck you.
00:36Now, pull yourself together and concentrate on the working hand.
00:40Really, you're pathetic.
00:43I'm going home.
00:45Oh, dear.
00:46Now I've hurt his feelings.
00:47Oh, come back.
00:49I apologise.
00:52Humbly?
00:53Yes, humbly.
00:54Then I shall return, said Brian.
00:59Well, I'm glad we've sorted that out, said Dougal.
01:03And he and Brian got down to the work in hand, making a film.
01:09Brian was the camera carrier.
01:12Now hold it steady, said Dougal.
01:14Freeze.
01:16Brian froze.
01:18And Dougal went to look for his star actress.
01:20She arrived.
01:23Hello, Dougal, said Florence.
01:25Oh, I'm so excited.
01:26Me, a film star.
01:29Hello, Brian.
01:30I am a camera, said Brian.
01:33Now, are we all ready, said Dougal.
01:36We must get started.
01:38Aye, aye, Antonioni, only, only, only, said Brian.
01:40This is going to be the greatest picture ever made, said Dougal, modestly.
01:47This will make Ben-Hur look like an advertisement for Turkish delight.
01:52This will make Ken Russell spit with jealousy.
01:56Take one.
01:57And Dougal started to make his epic film.
02:03He consulted his script.
02:05He chose the best locations.
02:08What was it to be?
02:11Treasure Island, in Dougal vision.
02:15Florence acted her first scene.
02:18And Dylan arrived.
02:19I hear you're making a film, he said.
02:21I'm trying to, said Dougal, patiently.
02:25But you've just walked in and ruined the first scene.
02:29Well, I don't want to worry you, said Dylan, but look.
02:38Indians?
02:39I didn't order Indians?
02:41Come out, said Florence.
02:47Wasn't I good, said Armand Trude, appearing.
02:50Oh, joy, joy.
02:52I'm a film star.
02:54A film star.
02:56Dougal sighed.
02:57I wonder if this ever happened to Eisenstein, he thought.
03:02Let's get on, then, said Brian.
03:04Right, said Dougal.
03:06Underwater, close-up of shark.
03:08What?
03:09shrieks Brian.
03:10Come back, you coward.
03:13I'm a film star.
03:15Film star.
03:17Camera, shouted Dougal.
03:20I'm not filming no sharks, said Brian.
03:23Oh, all right, said Dougal.
03:26We'll have some man-eating butterflies instead.
03:29Really?
03:30Really?
03:32Hello?
03:32Where's my leading lady?
03:34I'm here, shouted Florence.
03:36And I've found the treasure.
03:40How exciting, breathed Florence.
03:48Captain Cook's treasure.
03:51Now, now, wait a minute, said Dougal.
03:54Wait a minute.
03:57What's the use of doing the treasure scene without the camera?
04:00Really?
04:00Why does everyone have to be so stupid?
04:04Knew that would happen, said Florence.
04:07I knew that would happen, said Dougal.
04:09What's in there, Dougal, said Florence.
04:13Treasure, said Dougal.
04:16It was a large lump of sugar.
04:18And I'll trouble you all to keep your thieving hands off it.
04:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
04:23Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
04:26Zebedee arrived.
04:28Any room in your film for a little one, he asked.
04:32I've gone off the whole idea, said Dougal.
04:35I think I'll go to the pictures instead.
04:37Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
04:39Oh, my God.