SurrealEstate - Season 3 Episode 7 -
A Slice of Afterlife
#CinemaJourney
A Slice of Afterlife
#CinemaJourney
Category
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FunTranscript
00:00I was just wondering if you're all right yeah I'm fine it's sweet of you to ask I
00:06think tag is crushing on you Susan I'm crashed
00:16this program is presented with described video
00:21this program contains coarse language and scenes that may be frightening to
00:30some viewers viewer discretion is advised
00:36previously on some real estate I was just wondering if you're all right yeah
00:40I'm fine it's sweet of you to ask I think tag is crushing on you Susan I'm
00:47crashed they want me to tell you not every soul needs a kick in the ass
00:55Tyler it's about Tyler McNeil Tyler is obsessed with Luke Roman
01:17Tim what please can we just go got something stay in the car no Tim
01:47go go
02:04here is a title search insurance hmm a settlement statement as negotiated
02:12they're leaving
02:18go go
02:33here is a title search insurance hmm settlement statement as negotiated
02:39they're leaving some of the appliances and the window coverings and this is
02:44recoveries and
02:47This is my favorite part
02:53Oh
02:56Cash deals more rare than a happy marriage and far more fungible
03:03Especially for first-time homebuyers
03:06Bitcoin paid off. Oh
03:08So that's the Crawford group
03:11Yeah, it made sense tax-wise the pressures to my corporation
03:14Hmm. Well, it's been a treat next time. You have a quick cash deal
03:24We're sitting right here
03:30You'll have to excuse Rita she may come off as a cold unfeeling ruthless house selling machine
03:40So, what are you moving in
03:42we're actually
03:43We're not done yet
03:46We heard that your agency is special
03:52Well, we like to think so we heard from a guy that you understand
03:57Stuff that a lot of other people
04:00don't
04:03That is
04:05fair to say
04:07Moth as a cold unfeeling ruthless house selling machine
04:14So, what are you moving in we're actually we're not done yet
04:21We heard that your agency is special
04:26Well, we like to think so we heard from a guy that you understand stuff that a lot of other people
04:35don't
04:38That is
04:39fair to say
04:41But this house, I don't think it has the type of problem that I think you are talking about
04:48Not yet
04:52Maybe you should just tell us exactly what you're talking about
05:01For the past three years
05:03We've been on the lam the lamp. We have moved in and out of
05:1022 homes if you can call a place that you've lived for two weeks a home
05:15because every single time
05:18It finds us and we've tried everything
05:22Exorcisms which doctors dreamcatchers Lutheran's we're tired of running
05:28Exhausted and now we have a baby due in a few weeks
05:32It's time to make a stand
05:35Well, you still haven't told us what it is that his phone
05:40I
05:41Don't know
05:43What do you call it a curse a monster a following?
05:49Thing we just we want you to take care of it, you know
05:54Zap it or whatever
05:58Zap it. Yeah, that's what you do, right of running exhausted and now we have a baby due in a few weeks
06:06It's time to make a stand
06:09Well, you still haven't told us what it is that his phone I
06:14Don't know
06:16What do you call it a curse a monster a following?
06:22Thing we just we want you to take care of it, you know
06:28Zap it or whatever
06:31Zap it. Yeah, that's what you do, right?
06:39It's
06:44The thing I get a twitch
06:46Like a sixth sense only one that makes you want to sneeze
06:50So what's it telling you this time the Vandals are hiding something. Do you mind checking them out for me?
06:56family history past residences business dealings
07:00Anything you can find
07:02Father hi Luke great to hear from you. Did you get my message? Yeah about that
07:09I just want to let you know that I've decided it's best if we not partner on this housing venture at this time
07:18I'm sorry, what?
07:20Well, it's just that I spoke with my partner Susan and well, she's uncomfortable with the basic philosophy behind the deal
07:27Your partner doesn't like the philosophy. Yeah, I can't say that I necessarily disagree. I
07:37Thought this was our deal Luke it was a deal like this Susan and I well we have to be on the same page
07:43It's not gonna work Tyler. I'm sorry
07:45I
07:51Wasn't just that I spoke with my partner Susan and well, she's uncomfortable with the basic philosophy behind the deal
07:59Your partner doesn't like the philosophy. Yeah, I can't say that I necessarily disagree. I
08:07Thought this was our deal Luke it was a deal like this Susan and I well we have to be on the same page
08:14It's not gonna work Tyler, I'm sorry
08:21If I wasn't such a seasoned professional my feelings might be hurt
08:25You don't want me for an enemy Luke. No, I don't it's not personal. It's business
08:32I'm aware of that
08:34I
08:39I'm disappointed. I didn't get a chance to pitch Susan directly. You're obviously close very
08:48Well, then just forget I ever walked into your world and offered you the deal of a lifetime
08:55Right, thanks for understanding
09:00I'll be in touch
09:05I
09:11Heard little partner you got there be a shame if something happened to her
09:19Claire find it. Yep
09:34You
09:44Little partner you got there be a shame if something happened to her
09:52Claire find it. Yep
10:04You
10:19Do you think we should have told them they don't need to know but
10:25What if that helps them to know the whole picture I mean to know that it's my mother come on Tim
10:34What kind of monster am I to not only be glad that my mother is dead, but to actually want her dead earth and dead
10:42What kind of daughter what what kind of person?
10:48Claire
10:53Something's not right. We're heading to the hospital now. Okay, okay
11:04You
11:14All the tests came back normal
11:17You do have some preeclampsia high blood pressure now in and of itself. That's not a concern, but it's vital
11:24You keep stressors to an absolute minimum
11:27No problem
11:29Thank you, dr. Naismith
11:31I
11:33Wanna be fine. Hey
11:36Everything is gonna be fine
11:39We have the perfect place to call home
11:41The Roman Ireland people are working the problem and I want to make sure nothing touches us
11:47for her
11:55Good morning a little something from us to you. Thank you Susan
12:02Everything good with your lovely new home. There's one
12:08Thing the toaster it's not ours the previous owners left the behind. Oh
12:14Okay. Well, let's just donate it to Goodwill or somebody see that's the thing
12:19Every time we put it out on the curb or drop it at the Goodwill. It shows up back on our counter again. Oh
12:26That's unusual, but that's not all
12:32I thought my right rear looked a little low. Sorry
12:36This toaster is predicting that I'm gonna have a flat tire today
12:39It's a toaster of destiny just the other day the toaster popped up an image of a baseball
12:43Later that same day a kid next door hit a home run through our window
12:48Just as a toaster prophecy
12:53All right
12:56It's gone I will dispose of it in the appropriate manner. All right. Enjoy the house
13:07I'll be back
13:11So looking through the names of these dummy corporations
13:13They've been setting up obviously in an effort to hide from someone or something
13:17I look through the names that Cagney Corporation Gable Inc. The Rosebud company see the pattern
13:25Pattern old movies. These people are obviously old movie buffs now
13:29What was the name of the company that bought their new house the Crawford Group Bingo?
13:36Joan Crawford won an Oscar for Mildred Pierce in 1946
13:42No
13:48Sorry total flyby
13:50Okay. Okay. Okay
13:51So Faye Dunaway plays Joan Crawford as a not very cool mom which let me down a rabbit hole towards the obvious
13:57Conclusion that the entity track into Bendel's and messing with their shit is in fact another not very cool
14:02Mom the mother of the woman Claire Claire Claire's mother Emma Shields died three years ago
14:08The precise time the hauntings began which happens to be the last time that Bendel's had a permanent address
14:14I also unearthed several complaints during their time jumping from hotel to motel to house rental and one disturbingly specific
14:22Account the words Clary bear and I'm quoting the police report here were crudely carved into walls and headboards
14:30Claire
14:32Clary bear a sympathetic affectation. No, I get it. But it's just why wouldn't they tell us?
14:39Well in a rather dark left turn down Research Boulevard
14:42Just a block away from potentially criminal violation of privacy statues Avenue happened along Claire's childhood health records
14:48Well her medical records
14:51Isn't that a HIPAA violation?
14:53I'm not telling anyone. Are you?
14:56Nope. Oh
15:00Anyway turns out young Claire was a regular at their local hospital ER
15:04She suffered dozens of seemingly normal adolescent injuries burns hematomas broken bones
15:09Nothing in and of itself alarming until one notes that she was there three or four times a year throughout her young life
15:18Any news nothing definite but we do have a theory
15:25Claire tell me about your mother
15:30We
15:33Didn't come here for family therapy
15:36we came to you because yes for all of the
15:40Zapping I know but without all of the details pertinent to a situation. It can be difficult to get to that point
15:57It's not as if
15:59My mother was just
16:02mean
16:04Evil
16:06She was pure evil I
16:10Was like three but I remember having these tiny little bruises all over my body
16:17always in places that the daycare workers wouldn't see I
16:22Just thought that I
16:24Needed to be nicer
16:26So that mother would like me more
16:30But no matter what I try
16:35Making up songs about her giving her drawings. It just it made her
16:41Angry
16:43By the time I
16:46Was in my teens
16:48She started calling me ugly and stupid
16:53She used to tape up the corners of my mouth to teach me to smile more
17:00She said it was for my own good that she was teaching me to be ready for all the misery and disappointment of life
17:10And afterwards she would
17:13She would always smile and say
17:18I only wish you well
17:21I'm so sorry
17:24See somebody knows the truth and the world didn't end
17:30I'm
17:33So sorry, babe
17:36You didn't sign up for this I
17:39Did sign up for this all of it if it's part of you this part of me
17:46and hey
17:48Lots of husbands don't get on with the mother-in-law
17:52It's kind of a cliche
17:59Oh
18:03My god the picture it's straight
18:12She's here
18:22Bhavan Anika morning. It's back. I
18:25I
18:26Don't get it. How did it that's what it does my tire blew out on the expressway
18:31I had to change it on the side of the road
18:33Here's the toast of the day. It's nobody we know
18:37Do you recognize him?
18:40He looks sort of like
18:42Fireman I met recently. Let me send a courier to pick up the toaster
18:46It's time to get my research guy on this and Anika save me that slice. Would you sure?
18:55She's here. How do you know?
18:57Mother hates disorder. So whenever we move into a new place, we leave something hanging on the wall. That's crooked
19:03We know she'll straighten it out. Did she? Oh, yeah, but that's just the beginning
19:08Next she'll be
19:10Organizing our shoes by the front door rearranging the cutlery drawer. Don't love her messing with knives
19:15And then there's the smell liniment cream. She used to smear it all over her hands in the music box
19:23Playing in the middle of the night and then the pinches
19:28Welts popping up all over my body
19:32And then all of a sudden
19:34She's there
19:36And that's when all hell breaks loose
19:41This might sound obvious but have you ever tried just talking to her
19:45When people die get stuck in the minors can't move on to the show. It's often because they have some unfinished business
19:53Maybe Emma just wants to meet her only grandchild. That is exactly what we're afraid of
20:00guys
20:01You don't get it. She's not
20:04Lost she's not searching. She's not unfinished. She's not even human
20:09She wasn't even human when she was human. She just wants to mess with us
20:13She just wants to torture me and everybody that I love. Okay
20:18We get it. But if you're okay with it, I would like to try talking first
20:23I
20:27Hear the experts the courier just brought it by great. So what's your take?
20:36Can I be honest with you
20:39You know, I've always been a freelancer, you know
20:41hired gun between that and my particular predilection for not going out in the world where there are bears and mimes and
20:47Falling pieces of space debris. I tend to you know
20:50Fly solo
20:54This gig with Roman Ireland, it's the first time I've ever been a part of anything resembling a team and I
21:01Like it. I like it more than I thought it would
21:04We like it, too
21:08But I wouldn't say it's like a family because I hate people who say anything is like a family because the only thing like a
21:13Family is a family and I say that as someone who's never had a family myself. So let's just say Roman Ireland feels like
21:18Home and I like it here
21:26So back to the toaster
21:30Look what it served up this morning
21:33Huh?
21:34It's this just anybody, you know, just a friend
21:39Apparently the toaster gives the user glimpses into the future. Do you mind digging into this thing?
21:44Can do great. Thanks tech. So this friend, um, are you gonna see him soon?
21:54Apparently he's on the toast
21:58I see
22:14Oh
22:29Yeah, I feel you mom
22:44I
23:15Wait
23:16toasters didn't always pop they did not and because they did not the looming danger of burnt toast was
23:22Omnipresent much like the threat of nuclear war today, but all that changed minus the nuclear war when this guy came along
23:29Charles Strait invented the toaster on a timer
23:321921 brilliant visionary world changing its application of the Maillard reaction
23:37Which as you know is a chemical reaction between amino acids and reducing sugars to create melanoid instead of compounds which give brown food
23:43It's distinct flavor. Everybody knows that but for straight toasters became an obsession and it wasn't long before he entered the shadowy world
23:51of the occult
23:52the occult
23:54But it's just toast. Well, not to straight and his twisted brilliant mind straight came to believe that by manipulating the melanoid ins
24:02He was not only able to predict the future but burn it onto a slice of bread
24:06So, how did it find its way back to the Patel's house?
24:09So it seems that straight had a protege named Alan McMaster's McMaster's was sad to see straight slow descent into madness
24:17So in the late 20s, he stole the clairvoyant toaster out of the lab one night and hid it in his own home
24:22He died in that same house in 1929 and on that very same site today
24:29The Patel's house
24:31So that's why the toaster keeps ending up back there. It is drawn to the only home whatever new but yearns for its creator
24:38Wow
24:39You don't really see that kind of loyalty in a small appliance
24:43Thanks tag. It's really great work. Shall I send the toaster back?
24:47My guess is it'll find its way back to the Patel's on its own
24:50I
25:20Oh
25:36Hi
25:38Who are you
25:41How can you why are you here this isn't your world anymore
25:50But I'm not finished with it yet
25:56I'm a don't where's Claire the brat? No, she can't raise a child
26:02She's too weak
26:05Stupid no
26:08Child needs me
26:11Any chance she's gone
26:13teacher things
26:16Things that her mother was never smart
26:24You need to leave them alone and go back
26:37And tell Claire I'm coming
26:43Don't worry
26:45Well
26:53Hey, well not so great really how's about
26:58No, I don't think so
27:00Listen to Susan. We're gonna have to regroup here in a bit. Can you transfer me to August a little something from this toolkit?
27:07Okay, text me the address I'll meet you
27:11Well the second time today I feel more than a little bit stupid
27:27Well, there's something I don't know is it straight
27:36I'm gonna head out and give it a try
27:40I
28:06Believe you have something of mine
28:09They told me non-enzymatic browning was incongruous with precognition
28:15They called me mad
28:17Well, who's mad now?
28:21Sure, that's a rhetorical question. Yes, sir
28:25straight Charles straight
28:28Remember that name with the great seers and prognosticators the great visionaries of the ages
28:34Toaster damas that son of a bitch McMaster's he was jealous of my genius
28:40He stole my device and you know who put him up to it
28:44All those cheap bastards who control big bread
28:48It's a big yeasty gluten-packed cartel of evil
28:55May I
29:03You
29:08You two probably want to be alone
29:13Thank you you have rated a horrible wrong pretty much what I do
29:30What happened where's the toaster
29:33it's
29:35gone
29:36to a better place
29:42I just can't stand the thought of that of of her in the nursery. I
29:49Know I thank you. Sorry Claire. We had to try
29:57It's scary enough just becoming a mom, you know, I
30:01I wasn't planning on it. I didn't want to continue the pattern
30:07but
30:09Now it's happening and
30:12It actually gives me hope
30:16It's like it's a chance for me to break free from all of the awful memories and
30:23Forge a new path
30:25Your husband said it
30:27It's time for you to make your stand
30:30I
30:37Got your own, please
30:53Hey, hey, hi you look
30:57So great
30:59Yeah, I hope this place is okay. One of the guys the station said it was the spot
31:05But I forgot to mention it was a date. So oh my god. This is a date
31:12Well, I'm just kidding I have a curl streak do that I'm surprisingly fragile
31:19Oh
31:22Thank you, thanks, um, I'll get whatever she's having
31:27So save any little old ladies holding cats stuck up in trees from any fires today. Oh god
31:33Yeah, three before lunch. Oh, wow. No
31:37How about you?
31:39small kitchen appliance issue at one place, but
31:42Nothing, I can't handle. I bet
31:45My mom used to clean other people's homes for a living
31:49Sometimes I'd go with her and we would walk through these
31:53Amazing homes and she would say someday Charlie. We're gonna have one of these places
32:00You never got there
32:02I'm so sorry. No, no, I see you helping people like my mom get the places that make their dreams come true
32:08That's so awesome
32:10Yes. Yes, it absolutely is
32:15Oh, thank you Cheers Cheers
32:27I'm glad you texted. I was gonna bunch of times. I just was nervous. Why you're totally out of my league
32:41My mom always told me to look out for the nice guys
32:44You might fall for she she said they're out there, but they hide. Hmm. She sounds like a character. Hmm. She was I
32:52Lost her a little over a year ago. Oh my god. I am so sorry. No, I was just thinking how much she'd love you
33:00so
33:01I'm a nice guy
33:04Thank you might be yeah
33:08But I found where you were hiding
33:14I
33:44I
33:46Oh
34:13Hair
34:17Girl
34:39What wait, what is this the baby no, no
34:46She's attached to Claire like a pernicious weed sprouting out of a crack in the sidewalk
34:52I've designed a new device with a dual processor
34:56So the severance of the connection and the atomization of the spirit can happen simultaneously
35:01Along with short-term storage of the residual consciousness. Do you think it'll work?
35:06Certainty is for toasters good point
35:10No, it will work but not quickly think dial up internet and dot matrix printers got it
35:17Let's get moving
35:20You're sure this won't hurt Claire and the baby not a scratch
35:24Grandma, on the other hand should be contained, but she must be transferred quickly to a studio receptacle and the device takes time
35:33I
35:35Wasn't that in the nursery I brought it down here. I didn't want to get anywhere near them Tim
35:41It's okay, babe
35:44The water just broke
35:48Tim let's get clear of the hospital stay
35:51Where are you?
36:00Larry there step away. I only want my grandbaby
36:08No
36:11You can't have her I can
36:15And
36:20Get away from her you bitch
36:26What did you say I said no
36:32You're no mother
36:33Not to me. Not to anyone. You are a vicious
36:38Shrew whose time has come and gone
36:41And you can't hurt me anymore
36:45Oh
36:52Get out of here now and never come back
36:59After all I've done for you
37:15Oh dear what so dear short-term storage just became very
37:20Very short term how short seconds we need something else to put it in now
37:31We need something to secure like a ritual or a spell I was thinking more along the lines of packing tape
37:45We did
37:48You did it Claire
37:51This is this is a lovely moment really, but do you think maybe somebody could get me to the hospital?
37:58Yeah, you good
38:07Susan told me about this place. She said it's small but very deep
38:13It sounds perfect
38:36Goodbye mother
38:39I only wish you
38:41Well
39:06Okay
39:08Come on tag open up
39:12Oh
39:22So hi
39:25You're taller than I pictured you yeah, I get that a lot
39:30Come in something to drink I've got bottled water or
39:35Water no, no, I'm good. I'm good. Thank you. Oh
39:39Oh, here's the report on that brick of yours, it's it's fairly specific. So it's tag. Oh
39:47Can I get your opinion on something
39:50sure
39:51For the past six months. I've been trying to figure out what kind of flooring to put in I go back and forth some days
39:56I'm like in the oak frosted oak plank and other days. I'm leaning towards the dark maple
40:01Then again, I have my tile days as well. I even flirted with linoleum once but turns out I had screwed up my meds
40:06Dark maple
40:09Yeah, yeah, you have this massive space all this whiteness and light
40:14Dark maple will give it richness and contrast
40:18richness contrast
40:22Damn you're good. Thank you. Yeah, listen, I won't stay it's just
40:27Tag what you said about being a part of the team. It was nice. It's true
40:33so
40:34These came in today. I
40:36Ordered them for all of our employees
40:38Kind of incurably analog and I think stuff like this matters
40:44Whether you were in the office or not, you are one of us
40:47Tag Guinness the answer guy Roman Island for the state. I
40:52Remember when I got my first business cards, I was all emotional. I thought
40:58Somebody thinks enough of me to put it on 14-point card stock
41:04Mattered
41:07It matters
41:12Anyway
41:14Have a good night. Thank you, Susan. You're welcome
41:17and I'll see you
41:20You know up on the screen
41:35Wow
41:56Susan Ireland rest in peace
42:04I
42:34I
43:04I
43:34I
44:04I
44:34No
44:42It's gonna be okay you're here smells really nice
45:04You