#CinemaJourney
#7days
#7days
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm Jeremy Corbett, and it's time to strap on your helmet and slide into your lycra.
00:22We are taking the news cycle out for a spin.
00:24This is seven days.
00:25Let's meet the teams.
00:26The leader of Team 1 is what you get when a what-now presenter accidentally doubles
00:29their Ritalin dose.
00:30It's Chris Parker!
00:35On record, I have only taken Ritalin recreationally.
00:39What an amazing team we've got today, Jeremy.
00:43We've got the recent Fred winner for Best Show in the New Zealand International Conference
00:47and a Tony Award winner for Best Tony.
00:55It's Tony Lyle!
00:56Good team, Chris.
01:00Glad to have you aboard.
01:01The leader of Team 2 just loves the theatre, the lights, the stage, and the way her voice
01:06bounces off the cold, empty seats.
01:09It's Hayley Sproul!
01:10You heard it.
01:13You heard it.
01:15How dare you.
01:16May I introduce you to my team?
01:18Yes.
01:18For which I am captain.
01:19Now, I tell you, it was King's birthday weekend.
01:21I went absolutely crazy at the sales.
01:22At Briscoes, I picked up a two-for-one.
01:24Two Aryan teenagers for the price of one.
01:27Brindley Stent, Jack and Sam!
01:29Brilliant team.
01:35Great team.
01:35Going to be a good stoush tonight.
01:37Our first round is The Sound of Music.
01:38In this game, I'll play a few snippets of songs I've recorded on my cassette player.
01:43Your job is to figure out which story from the week those songs might refer to.
01:46Bit like a jigsaw puzzle for your ears.
01:48Here we go.
01:49All right, all right.
01:49Team 1, you're up first.
01:50Here's your jigsaw puzzle.
01:51And we took too many shots, think we kissed, but I forgot us Friday night.
01:57Hey, Kelly.
01:58I wish I was in Wellington.
02:00Oh, very cool.
02:02Bit of an Eden sound, yeah.
02:03Who is that?
02:03Good job.
02:04All right, cool.
02:08Okay.
02:11Okay, a big Kiwiana vibe.
02:13Oh, but then there's Katy Perry in there.
02:15Yeah, she went to space recently.
02:16She went up there and the women go to space vibe.
02:19But I also heard Wellington.
02:21And she...
02:21Well, she kissed a girl and she like...
02:23I have kissed a girl in Wellington, but I did not like her.
02:27I kissed a girl in Wellington, too.
02:29Did you?
02:30Yeah.
02:30I was like, I think I'm gay.
02:32And then I kissed her, I was like, nah.
02:34I kissed a girl and thought, I think I'm gay, too.
02:39Wait a minute.
02:40Okay, what is the story?
02:42Like, drinking?
02:43Yeah, they're on the piss at the end.
02:44There's a bit of Dobbo in there, some bliss.
02:46They're on the piss in Wellington.
02:48I don't go to Wellington.
02:50Oh, really?
02:50You just don't like it.
02:51Yeah.
02:51Personal.
02:52I'll just say that.
02:54Well, is that what the story's about, is that Ange doesn't go to Wellington anymore because
02:57everyone's shit-faced?
02:58Yeah, there we go.
02:59Look, Ange has had no luck picking up there.
03:02And so it's a personal boycott.
03:04Okay, um, what you should do is try reading the news.
03:07Yeah.
03:08Um...
03:08No, Parliament has a brand new bar, it's called The Pint of Order, great name, and it officially
03:13opened on Tuesday.
03:14Their previous bar closed late last year, meaning it's been 244 days since politicians could
03:19drink at work.
03:20The pub is supposed to ride somewhere for politicians to have a beer, blow off a little bit of steam
03:25in a place that isn't on camera at the Aotearoa Music Awards.
03:27Oh, that was wild.
03:31Well, that's the most shocking part, is that it has been, what, 244 days with no alcohol
03:36in Parliament, which means they've been making these decisions sober.
03:40The best part about a parliamentary bar, of course, if you're standing behind someone
03:43who's taking their time to make up their mind what they want to drink, you can go,
03:46Order!
03:48Order!
03:49Can you imagine how frustrating it would be waiting for Chris Luxon to order a drink?
03:54They'll be like, do you want a drink?
03:55He'll be like, well, what I would say to you about a drink is...
03:59And I've been promising from the beginning about a drink.
04:01It's not about whether or not I would like one.
04:04We need to look at the numbers of what we're doing here for the drinks.
04:08Now, if we look at drinks back when Jacinda was Prime Minister, then we can really see the
04:12change in the way that we...
04:14So it's not an issue of like, is it?
04:16What do you want to order?
04:18Again, thank you for your question, but what I'm going to say about that is...
04:22The thing about a drink is you drink it.
04:24You drink it.
04:25Who do we think is hitting the smoker's area?
04:28Do you know what I mean?
04:28The Green Party?
04:31Can you imagine like the drunk girl chat in the bathroom?
04:33Oh my god, yeah.
04:34Oh my god, babe, your bill is so good.
04:36Judith.
04:37Judith.
04:37Yeah.
04:38Judith, you are the reason.
04:41Your electric doesn't deserve you, babe.
04:43Your electric doesn't deserve you.
04:45As a matter of fact, do you know what?
04:46I'd vote for you, Chloe.
04:46Yeah, yeah, I would too.
04:48I'd vote for you, Chloe.
04:49I can't, I'm Judith.
04:50And then you hear from another cubicle, would you zip it, sweetie?
04:54It's crazy.
04:55There's a pub in Parliament, like something awkward when Simeon Brown goes in and gets ID'd.
04:59Do you think Simeon Brown would even get in?
05:02I reckon Simeon Brown is one of those guys who's real low-key and then he gets like six drinks
05:06in him and then he jumps through a window or something.
05:08You're like, Jesus.
05:09And there's he comes in with a road cone on his head and like, look at me, guys.
05:12I actually sat next to him on a flight once.
05:14Yeah, I know.
05:15And I was like, you know, I don't know if I like the guy very much.
05:18And I was like, oh, here's my moment for a bit of political activism.
05:20So I just took his whole arm rest.
05:25You're welcome.
05:26I was like, how do you like having your rights encroached on?
05:30He wouldn't care as long as you don't take his seat.
05:35Really good.
05:35Come on.
05:37Come on.
05:38Oh, no, I don't mind a groan.
05:39Come on, everyone.
05:40I don't mind a groan.
05:42I like a groan.
05:44All right, team two, you ready for some music?
05:46Oh, yeah.
05:46All right, here's your little montage.
05:48Have a listen.
05:50Burnin', burnin'.
05:53Can't get the stinker.
05:56He's been hangin' round today.
05:59But we're not gonna take it anymore.
06:04Okay.
06:05Stinky burning, taking it.
06:06If it's burning and smelling, you should see a doctor.
06:08Absolutely, PSA.
06:10There was something about, there's like a supermarket that's worried about the smell.
06:15There's like a crematorium being set up across the road.
06:18Have you seen that?
06:18Yes, it is.
06:19And there's like a supermarket here.
06:21Is it Hawke's Bay?
06:22Supermarket here.
06:23Crematorium here.
06:24And they're like, that's too close.
06:26Yeah, well done, Hayley.
06:27Residents in Havelock North, considering legal action to stop plans to build a crematorium
06:31in the centre of town, right across the road from the supermarket.
06:36Crematorium, they'll likely charge several thousand for a basic service, but you'll be able
06:40to get a huge discount on that if you put your grandad through his brown onions.
06:46You don't want to get them mixed up, though, because you don't want to get your grandma
06:49deli sliced.
06:51Confusing, though, because then you walk down there and you're like, man, something smells
06:54delicious.
06:54Is that one of those pre-cooked chickens, or is that Nana?
06:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:58It's disconcerting, though, when you go to the deli section and you do see a human sort
07:02of splayed on both ends on the rotisserie thing.
07:04Like, jeez!
07:05It sounds like how I want to go down, like, rotating like that, and then...
07:08Just sitting there and go...
07:09Absolutely dripping.
07:10But then, like, no coffin.
07:11I just want to get put in one of those beautiful bags that are tinfoil on the inside.
07:15Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:16Let the heat seal.
07:17Go out the way I went in, you know, just rotisserie chicken in the car.
07:20Yeah, your choice of flavours splayed in there as well.
07:23Shafing in the bag.
07:23Rolling around in my own grease.
07:25Yeah.
07:27And everyone just pecks at me with their fingers in the car.
07:29It's kind of like, you know when you get a piece of crackling and there's a nipple on
07:32it, and you're like, mm, mum?
07:35Oh, I...
07:35Is that you, mum?
07:37We're being very negative, but, like, I think the supermarket and the crematorium,
07:41they have lots of similarities.
07:42Like, they both have lots of big ovens, lots of car park spaces, um, they have lots of
07:46bins for throwing out the old vegetables.
07:49Like...
07:49Yeah, you wouldn't want to go dumpster diving in the wrong dumpster.
07:55Now, you might find a bit of jewellery.
07:57What I like is that, actually, both groups of people are going into a new world.
08:02Oh, come on.
08:06We move on.
08:07It's, uh...
08:08All right, time to dish out the thing people are really tuning in for, the points.
08:11Yes.
08:12Yes, team one, you get six million.
08:14That's what New Zealand's population is expected to be by the year 2040.
08:17Only 15 years away.
08:18Get breeding, Kiwis.
08:20Team two, you're going to have 15.5 million.
08:22That's how many metres of toilet paper DOC ordered for its sites around the country in
08:26the current year, which means, team two, you get a star.
08:29Well done.
08:34The winning team tonight will not only get paid substantially more than the other team,
08:38they'll also get to take home this week's prize.
08:40Please gasp in awe as I reveal it now.
08:42There we are.
08:43Oh!
08:44Inspired by the parliamentary bar, we've got the first batch of exclusive cocktails
08:48from that parliamentary bar.
08:50There's the Crusher Colada, the Stiff Willie Jackson, and of course, Chris Bishop's favourite,
08:55a bottle of Stanny Walker.
08:57Look at that.
08:58It's time now for Guest Who, where we take a local legend from the week and show them
09:02what it's like to be on television with a Hessian sack on their head.
09:05Guest Who, as always, brought to you by the best energy providers in the whole world,
09:09Frank Energy.
09:10Energy.
09:11Without it, the keytar would never have been invented.
09:13What would music be without the keytar?
09:15It'd be the guitar, Jeremy.
09:17We could use the guitar.
09:18Good point, Tony.
09:18Please bring the noise.
09:19Welcome our guests.
09:20Two guests!
09:24You're now in our count.
09:25You're in.
09:26Three, two, one.
09:28Perfect.
09:28All right.
09:29Guests, you can only say yes or no.
09:30Teams, you can ask yes or no questions.
09:32Of course, you get a no.
09:33Goes to the other team.
09:34Don't know why my voice broke.
09:35Team one.
09:37Well, I mean, it's been the King's birthday honours week,
09:40so I'm thinking maybe, are you the King?
09:43That would be amazing.
09:46Literally King Charles.
09:49He hasn't said no.
09:50Honestly, I can tell by his fingers, it's not him.
09:53Can I ask, lovely guest, if you were walking down the street,
10:00would the layman of New Zealand recognise who you are?
10:04No.
10:05Oh.
10:05Humble, humble.
10:06No, although he's doing that because it kind of depends what street,
10:11but it's a no.
10:11Well, you know, we're all famous in our own little necks of the wood.
10:15Someone who may be sort of like an unsung hero,
10:18someone who's getting in there with his community, you know,
10:20like a postman or a local pervert.
10:26I don't know.
10:27Are you a local pervert?
10:29No, it's a no.
10:32It's worth a shot, you know.
10:33Most definitive.
10:34Would you say that you do good for New Zealand?
10:38Uh, yes.
10:39It is feeling a bit King's birthday honours award.
10:42Di Henwood got one.
10:43No, no, but that is twice the height of Di Henwood.
10:46It could be that systema dude that invented.
10:50Yes, okay.
10:51Are you involved in the world of reusable plastics?
10:54No.
10:54Ange, do you have any inklings here?
10:58I mean, do you like country music?
11:03Is that a question?
11:05No.
11:05No.
11:06We had tickled him, though.
11:08I feel like it's a bit of chemistry here.
11:09Also, did you check out his arse when you did it?
11:11You were like, oh, that thing.
11:12Finding the geography might help.
11:14Try and find a location.
11:15Are you from the South Island?
11:18Yes.
11:20If he wears a shirt like that,
11:22like Jeremy's a man of importance,
11:24he wears barkers or whatever.
11:26Stop doing that with your arm, Jack.
11:27You look so hitly youthy, you've got to take it back.
11:32What I was saying.
11:33Throw the king in there, brother.
11:35My question is, are you an important person?
11:39He might be humble, but I'm going to say yes on his behalf.
11:42Yes.
11:43Okay.
11:44See?
11:44Were you honoured as part of the King's honours?
11:48No.
11:48I think it was good, because I think this is where I'm at.
11:50South Island.
11:51Are you a politician?
11:55Yes.
11:55Okay.
11:56Oh!
11:56A local politics.
11:58Yeah.
11:59What's been going on?
12:00What's been going on?
12:00Is that like 14-year-old still the mayor of somewhere?
12:03Oh, are you the mayor of somewhere?
12:06Yes.
12:06Come on!
12:07We're cooking now.
12:08All those mayors I can just...
12:11I know.
12:12Do you look up to a figure like Tim Shadbolt?
12:16No.
12:16No.
12:17Oh, God.
12:19Okay, okay, okay.
12:21Did you ban something this week?
12:24No.
12:25No.
12:26I know it.
12:26I know it.
12:27Do you know it?
12:28Are you the mayor of Timaru?
12:30Yes.
12:31And they have the best drinking water in New Zealand.
12:34Correct!
12:34Well done, Tony!
12:35Yes!
12:37Oh, thank you!
12:40Thank you for coming on.
12:42See you today.
12:42Nigel Bowen.
12:43Well done, Tony.
12:44Yes.
12:44So, yeah, third time running, I believe.
12:46Yeah.
12:47Third time winner.
12:48Yeah.
12:48Yeah.
12:48And how do you...
12:50You've brought some.
12:51You've brought some water up.
12:52Yeah, some of this water.
12:53This is...
12:53In a vodka bottle.
12:55I just got to say, that is the closest Jeremy's ever been to tap.
12:58I want to try some.
13:01Thank you so much, Emily.
13:02Good on you.
13:03Let's...
13:03I'll try some of this.
13:04Has it actually got fluoride in it?
13:05I should have known this.
13:06My dad's a hydrogeologist.
13:08Oh, my God.
13:09Yeah, but we're not in a good relationship, so...
13:11Yeah, right.
13:12Being from Christchurch, like, Cantabrians are so proud of their water.
13:16You must be loving us.
13:17Like, pouring it over there.
13:19Yeah, no, it's fantastic.
13:20That's all right.
13:20Two glasses over that way.
13:22I haven't actually had tap water since Jacinda put the vaccine in it, but...
13:26Yeah, yeah.
13:27Oh, it is actually nice.
13:29It's bloody lovely.
13:30If this gets even bigger, is it true that you now get to take on Australia?
13:34It's the...
13:35The bled is low of water.
13:37So, do they have a winner already and then you two face off?
13:40Yeah, we face off.
13:41Do you know who it is?
13:42Winner from New South Wales.
13:43New South Wales.
13:44It's just the only place in Australia that has water.
13:48Timaru's slogan used to be touch, taste, feel.
13:51Timaru, you're obviously still tasting.
13:53Are you still touching and feeling?
13:54Yeah, what is the touch of it?
13:57It's nice.
13:58It's nice, yeah.
13:59Are you a Tim Ashard man?
14:00Yeah, most of us.
14:01Yeah, yeah.
14:02And he's not here, so you can be honest.
14:04What do you think of Josh Thompson?
14:06Yeah, no, no, he's a quality guy.
14:08I catered his wedding, actually.
14:09I have...
14:10Did you?
14:10Yeah, I did.
14:11Yeah, yeah.
14:11Small world.
14:12Wait, Ray, you're just so famous.
14:15The mayor catered his wedding.
14:16Give it up for Nigel Bowen, mayor of Timoteau.
14:21Best water in New Zealand three times in a row.
14:23Thank you very much.
14:24Beautiful water it is.
14:26Great guessing.
14:26Well done, Tony.
14:27Team one gets a star.
14:29Congratulations.
14:31It is break time now here on Seven Days.
14:34We're going to go and get rid of these glasses.
14:36You can go and check if the water tastes different out of different taps in your house, perhaps.
14:40Once you've done that, meet back here for Club Topicana on Seven Days.
14:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:49Tano faa and welcome back to Seven Days.
14:57You know, Samoa is not the only place with beautiful beaches.
14:59We have one right here in the middle of our studio.
15:01Yes, it's time for Club Topicana.
15:02Play the steel drums.
15:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:06Club Topicana is once again brought to you by the great people and pineapples at Dole.
15:18Pineapples, if you've only tried the lumps, you have to give the real thing a go.
15:22OMG, YOLO, FOMO, FML.
15:23Inside this nutritious pineapple are some stories from the week I'd like to hear a little more about,
15:28so let's dig in, shall we?
15:29Right, the company that makes Sesame Street is suing Donald Trump over their funding cuts,
15:35but they might be looking for more work outside of Sesame Street soon.
15:39So I want to see children's TV characters doing real-life, normal jobs, please.
15:45To infinity and beyond!
15:48Oh, no, actually, bro, just to Queen Street.
15:51LAUGHTER
15:51Now, Winnie, you do know why we brought you into this HR meeting today.
16:00This is an office.
16:01You need to wear pants, OK?
16:02This is your third and final warning.
16:04OK, you're done.
16:05Now send in Donald.
16:06OK?
16:11Postman Pat, postman Pat, postman Pat in a Zuba Rides app.
16:16LAUGHTER
16:17LAUGHTER
16:17Look, we don't want any trouble.
16:23Put the weapon down.
16:25Oh, he's got something.
16:26He's on.
16:26Get him, boys!
16:29LAUGHTER
16:29I look too much like a wiggle today.
16:31LAUGHTER
16:32OK, you'll need to count with me.
16:36One, two, three...
16:39That's actually a failed result.
16:41You need to cut me back to the stage for evidentiary green and blood tests.
16:44LAUGHTER
16:45LAUGHTER
16:46Oh, hey, Dory, right?
16:50Yeah, you found Nemo.
16:52Yeah, awesome.
16:53What are you working on these days?
16:54Oh, Madeleine McCann.
16:55Nice.
16:56LAUGHTER
16:56OK.
17:00You just got a letter.
17:02You just got a letter.
17:04You just got a letter.
17:06Wonder who it's from.
17:08Baycorp.
17:09LAUGHTER
17:09LAUGHTER
17:10Right, back to the pineapple we go for our next story.
17:14This one is from Wellington.
17:17Wellington, Auckland have been named two of the best cities in the world
17:19for sleep tourism.
17:21I didn't even know that was a thing, so what else don't I know?
17:24Please show me some more unlikely tourist attractions, please.
17:29All right, kids, we've been to Adventureland, Fantasyland and Tomorrowland.
17:33Now it's time to go to Mummy's favourite, Liquorland.
17:36LAUGHTER
17:37Welcome to Rainbow's End, where we have a brand new ride,
17:43the Leonardo DiCaprio coaster.
17:45You have to be under 25 to ride.
17:47LAUGHTER
17:48If you look at the port side, you'll see the wreckage of the submarine.
17:59They went to look for the wreckage of the Titanic.
18:01LAUGHTER
18:02LAUGHTER
18:03And here you can see where he sat next to Jesse Incarno on The Project.
18:11And here you can see where he sat next to Paul Ego on The Radio.
18:14And here you can see where he sat alone on Deal or No Deal.
18:18Yes, that's right.
18:19It's the ghost tour of shows Jeremy Corbett has killed.
18:23LAUGHTER
18:24APPLAUSE
18:25All right, back to our pineapple for our next story.
18:29Um, Taranaki couple, Dorian and Vic Terrell, I hope you're watching,
18:33made headlines for celebrating 75 years of marriage together.
18:3675 years!
18:37Congratulations, Dorian and Vic.
18:39But I'm thinking it can't all have been plain sailing.
18:42Let's see some scenes from the world's longest relationship, please.
18:48All right, goodnight, darling.
18:50Hey, should we have sex?
18:51LAUGHTER
18:51LAUGHTER
18:52I can't explain what you imagine!
18:56LAUGHTER
18:56All right, goodnight!
18:58LAUGHTER
18:58What were we doing?
19:01LAUGHTER
19:02LAUGHTER
19:03LAUGHTER
19:04Oh, honey, I'm feeling a bit in the mood.
19:09What do you reckon, teeth in or teeth out?
19:11LAUGHTER
19:12LAUGHTER
19:13OK, world's longest relationship.
19:19Hi, babe, how was your day?
19:20Hey, babe, how was your day?
19:21LAUGHTER
19:22Hey, babe, how was your day?
19:23Hey, babe, how was your day?
19:25Hey, babe, how was your day?
19:26How was your day?
19:27How was your day?
19:28LAUGHTER
19:29F***, I hate you.
19:30LAUGHTER
19:31LAUGHTER
19:32Oh, my God, he's still alive?
19:35I didn't marry Jeremy Corbett for his personality.
19:37LAUGHTER
19:38LAUGHTER
19:39All right, we'll go get our next story here from my dull pineapple.
19:46The new ad starring Tina from Turner's
19:48has gotten two complaints to the BSA for fat shaming.
19:51Could have been worse, though,
19:52so I'd like to see some examples of inappropriate New Zealand advertisements, please.
19:57Oh, we are the blokes from down on the farm.
19:59Oh, we really know our cheese, and we hate Jacinda.
20:02LAUGHTER
20:03LAUGHTER
20:04LAUGHTER
20:05Togs, togs, togs, togs, undies, cock, big cock.
20:12LAUGHTER
20:13LAUGHTER
20:14This week at Briscoes, you can pay full price.
20:30It is a cost of a living crisis.
20:32My job is next on the line.
20:35You are paying full price for Manchester.
20:37LAUGHTER
20:38LAUGHTER
20:39What is Manchester?!
20:41LAUGHTER
20:42I go in there, I yell,
20:44WHAT IS MANCHESTER?!
20:46They just score me out, they drink. Sorry.
20:48LAUGHTER
20:49What is it?!
20:51LAUGHTER
20:52LAUGHTER
20:53LAUGHTER
20:55Hey, it's me, your old mate, the mad butcher!
20:57But I've been going to therapy recently,
20:59and I've realised it's not so much a mad thing,
21:01more of, like, an inner-child-healing thing.
21:03LAUGHTER
21:04LAUGHTER
21:07Um...
21:08There is nothing like animates vet care
21:11for picking your dog up and putting it down.
21:14LAUGHTER
21:16LAUGHTER
21:17Alright, that's enough sand in my picnic for one week.
21:19The beach is closed.
21:20Play the steel drums.
21:21Sit yourself down there.
21:22LAUGHTER
21:23Yeah, a hot round, a hot round of Clop Topicana.
21:34Let's dish out some points.
21:35Team one, you can have 500 million New Zealand dollars.
21:38That's what Taylor Swift paid
21:40to buy the rights to her own music back.
21:42She's very happy about that.
21:43No need for Taylor's versions anymore.
21:45Team two, you can have 30.
21:46And that is the year since Lucy Lawless first start as Xena.
21:49She reunited with Gabriel to celebrate
21:51at Auckland's Armageddon Expo over King's Birthday weekend.
21:54The news is, though, that team one gets to start.
21:56Congratulations.
21:57APPLAUSE
22:02We've got to have a break now.
22:03What you do with the time is none of my business.
22:05I'm not here to judge.
22:06See you soon for Slice of Seven on Seven Days.
22:08CHEERING
22:09Why, hello there. Welcome back to Seven Days,
22:22where we're going to play Slice of Seven,
22:24the biggest event in any Kiwi musician's year,
22:26except for the Music Awards and their birthdays
22:28and anything else they're invited to.
22:30This week we're thrilled to be joined by Michaela.
22:33CHEERING
22:34All right, teams, Michaela, ably backed by Spencer,
22:39is going to sing a song about the news
22:41and you need to tell me what story she's singing about.
22:43Team one, are you ready?
22:44We are ready.
22:45Thank you so much, Jeremy and Michaela.
22:47Michaela, are you ready?
22:49I'm very ready.
22:50In your own time, then.
22:51Well, the king every year has a list
23:03of the friends he wants to honour.
23:07And this year it's Stephen Joyce,
23:11Portia Woodman, BMX Chick Sarah Walker.
23:16One to Susie Cato.
23:20One to 5.30 with Jude.
23:22One for hosting Weakest Link.
23:24And I got one for Family Feud.
23:27The guy that made Sistema.
23:29One to the bowler Tim Sothe.
23:34How come you didn't get one Jeremy?
23:39None for Corby.
23:43Oh, next year maybe.
23:48Quite unlikely.
23:53Pottery.
24:01Wow.
24:02Hope you enjoy being on Seven Days.
24:04It's going to be the last time.
24:06Very good.
24:07The eye contact as she roasted you.
24:09I know.
24:10Maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen.
24:11I was expecting.
24:12How does he have an order of merit for harsh burns?
24:14Services to burns.
24:15Services to burns.
24:16I've given up.
24:17I don't want one.
24:18And I think that's so harsh.
24:19Yes you do.
24:20I don't.
24:21Yes you do.
24:22Because Jeremy, you've got like a 30 plus year
24:24stellar career in broadcasting.
24:26Plus, like you've done so much for the community.
24:28Like, forget sponsoring a child.
24:29You literally married one.
24:30Look, I think it's written there, isn't it?
24:35It's quite obvious.
24:36It was the King's Honours Award.
24:38I always think it's the...
24:39I forget that it's King Charles, but it is King's Honours.
24:42And our beloved Di Henwood was given an order of merit.
24:46He is an officer.
24:47Yes, well done.
24:48The King's Birthday Honours were announced on Monday.
24:50It lists celebrities, many deserving Kiwis,
24:53includes children's presenter Susie Cato,
24:56former MP Stephen Joyce, as you heard in the song,
24:58and our very own, very deserving Di Henwood.
25:00Woo!
25:01Yeah.
25:05It is great that he got one.
25:07I was actually there with Di when he found out about the honour.
25:10Who did?
25:11And just before he opened the letter I said,
25:12just so you know, this is from all of us.
25:15He thought it was like a spam email to begin with,
25:19because it's a weird email title and a weird subject line.
25:22He thought we were winding him up.
25:24I saw Stephen Joyce was honoured,
25:26and I do have to wonder,
25:27like when he is bestowed upon the honour by King Charles,
25:29will he use the dildo?
25:33I was going to say, like, thank God for Stephen.
25:35Like, finally he's got something,
25:36then we can forget the whole dildo thing.
25:38But no, seven days are going to keep him alive.
25:40That's right.
25:41Another decade, we'll never let him forget.
25:43I think they're a bit early on the old sistema nod,
25:46you know, because I feel like you should only get the honour
25:48if you can figure out a way that once you put spag bol in there,
25:51it doesn't go orange.
25:52And the next person to get knighted
25:55should be the person that can figure out,
25:56like, a drawer that fits them all in,
25:58and that you can close.
26:00So how sad is it that they didn't put the person up there,
26:02they just put the box?
26:03That's right.
26:04That's so mean.
26:05You could just get a picture of some guy,
26:06and it would be like,
26:07who's that?
26:08Oh, it's a steamer guy.
26:09That makes no force of him.
26:11I think King Charles was just relieved
26:13that there was a list out,
26:14and it didn't include his brother.
26:16Yeah.
26:17I feel sorry for...
26:18Well, I don't feel sorry for him,
26:19but you sort of forget that he's the king.
26:21Like, and I think because the bank note would be always the thing
26:24that would remind me that it was Lizzy.
26:26Yeah.
26:27But then I looked into it,
26:28and he's only going to get on the coin in 2027,
26:30and only the 10 cents.
26:32I know.
26:33And...
26:34Really?
26:35We all collectively know.
26:36Like...
26:37It'll be off in 2027.
26:38So we're sort of not, like, really, like, sitting in his way.
26:40You're like, what's going to go first?
26:41Cash the society?
26:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:43I don't know.
26:44I don't know about that popping off early.
26:46Those royals have got good longevity.
26:48It's so disappointing when, like,
26:49someone could be replaced by a better, younger version,
26:51but they just won't f***ing die called it.
26:53LAUGHTER
26:57Team 2, are you up for a song from Michaela?
26:59Yes, I would love.
27:00Alright, Michaela, in your own time.
27:01Now, dogs are okay if I piss.
27:11If they give you a drink, you can scan it.
27:14So you can get a buzzer cut
27:17and get your buzz on with a new mullet.
27:20So now the guy with the blade
27:24could get harmed by corkis.
27:27As long as you obey the rules,
27:30you get a cab serve and a fade
27:33at the hairdressers.
27:36Oh, you can bring 30 dogs
27:40at the hairdressers.
27:43Oh, the hairdresser serves grog.
27:47Dogs and grog, when the corks fall pool they stay.
27:50Dogs and grog, the new rules stay.
27:54Dogs and grog, premise fair like Brian May.
27:57Dogs and grog, the new rules stay.
28:01Wow.
28:03Beautiful.
28:05Well, um, this, I know about this.
28:10This is, dogs are now allowed back in hairdressers,
28:14which is good news for you and me, Jeremy.
28:16I don't know, which one's wet.
28:20It's good to be a dog.
28:22Yeah, because we, you know, we got that dog.
28:24I hate it when Jack tries to be masked.
28:26It's off.
28:27There's a thing.
28:28Grrr.
28:29Down, do it, do it.
28:30I don't know what I'm doing.
28:31You've got that, you've got that dog in you, bro.
28:32You've invited me to a party and I'm not sure what's going on.
28:34He does, yeah.
28:35He's more like a purebred house cat.
28:36He is.
28:37He's a Persian cat and we know it.
28:38Yes, he is.
28:39And totally hairless too.
28:40This is, this is the thing that like for a while there was a ban on having dogs, right,
28:46and alcohol in salons and barbers and now we've changed it,
28:50which proves that scissoring and drinking has always gone together.
28:53I'll tell you what the real story is.
28:55Good news for barbers and hairdressers is what this story is about.
28:58Regulations Minister David Seymour, no less, has announced the removal of porn.
29:01He's more like a purebred house cat.
29:02He's more like a purebred house cat.
29:03He's more like a purebred house cat.
29:04He is.
29:05He's a Persian cat and we know it.
29:06Yes, he is.
29:07And totally hairless too.
29:08This is, this is the thing that like for a while there was a ban on having dogs, right,
29:11and alcohol in salons and barbers,
29:13and now we've changed it,
29:15and we've announced the removal of pointless rules that came from the 1980s,
29:19including how far apart seats need to be,
29:21the brightness of the lights,
29:22whether you're allowed a dog in the salon,
29:24and a rule against offering customers a drink.
29:27So this is news that affects everyone, except Tony.
29:34As soon as he started singing about barbers, I was like,
29:36this is going to suck for me.
29:37I can hear this coming and then ah-dee-da, laugh it up.
29:41Male pattern baldness is no joke, alright?
29:43We suffer.
29:44Tony.
29:45We suffer, Chris.
29:46One day you'll suffer like me and you'll be fine.
29:48Jack, you're going to be born as ****.
29:50Jeremy, that's annoying how much hair you've got.
29:53I will say though, like I literally got fresh hair, like most of my hair is fake,
29:56because I've got polycystic ovaries, as all of the women on this desk do.
29:59We do.
30:00Which means our hair falls out.
30:01And honestly, we spend thousands on hair extensions from women across the world.
30:06Imagine a golden retriever's hair.
30:07So much cheaper.
30:08They just come in.
30:09Yeah.
30:10We just pick it up and we're like, thank you.
30:13Why not pretty?
30:14This is the modern world.
30:15Now bloody women are taking balding from us too.
30:17I tell you mate, we don't want to, but we're here.
30:21I think they should actually like ban more stuff like small talk.
30:25Like I actually got my hair cut for this.
30:27You're welcome.
30:28And this is true story yesterday.
30:30And the hairdresser said, so what school do you go to?
30:38And I am from Christchurch, shall I tell you?
30:41Yeah.
30:42Can they also then make sure as a rule, you have to wear sunglasses when you get your head washed?
30:47Because that's so crazy when they're washing your head and then you're just raw-dogging them right in the eyes.
30:51Close your eyes, you psycho!
30:54No, that is the rule, right?
30:56That's the rule.
30:57You close your eyes, Chris.
30:58When they wash your head?
30:59Yes!
31:00But I'd like to see if he's enjoying it.
31:02No, no, no.
31:03If he's enjoying it.
31:04Men can be hairdressers too.
31:06Yeah, but it's not a two-way thing.
31:08Close your eyes.
31:09Then you can give him a wink.
31:10How's he doing it?
31:11Normally they sort of go to the side or stand behind us.
31:14He's straddling you and just going around the front.
31:16He's going around the front.
31:17Yeah, I love that.
31:18Oh, shit.
31:20All right, thanks again to Michaela.
31:25You can hear her actual lyrics on her excellent new single, Nature Of Love.
31:28It's out wherever you get your music.
31:30One more time.
31:31Give it up for Michaela!
31:32Yeah!
31:33Amazing voice.
31:35Team one, for points you can have 200 billion.
31:39It's a lot of points.
31:40It's a lot of money.
31:41It's the amount of money Bill Gates is giving to Africa over the next 20 years.
31:43It's the majority of his fortune, actually, to help with their early health treatment.
31:47Team two, you're going to have one million.
31:49That's the number of Greg's Sausage Rolls sold each day in the UK.
31:53Wow.
31:54Which is why one has now been immortalised at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum.
31:59Just as healthy as the real thing.
32:01Just as healthy.
32:02The star for Slice Of Seven goes to team one.
32:04Well done.
32:09And a big thanks to Studio One Vintage Guitars for sponsoring Slice Of Seven.
32:13They are giving away this gorgeous new Martin guitar.
32:17And if you know anything about guitars, you'll know that Martin is very good.
32:20Head on over to our Facebook page for details.
32:22Free guitar, guys.
32:23All right.
32:24Yeah.
32:25Come on.
32:26Oh, yeah.
32:28Wow!
32:29Hang tight.
32:30We're off for a break.
32:32But when we get back, it's time for a trip down memory lane with history, when we return
32:35on Seven Days.
32:46Welcome back.
32:48Seven Days.
32:49We're not just about this week's news.
32:51It's about paying our respects to all the weeks of news that have come before it.
32:54We should be called all days.
32:56It is time now, though, for history.
32:58And with the Super Rugby semifinals looming, we thought we'd take you back to 2004, to
33:03the beautiful city of Hamilton.
33:08The Waikato's in the midst of a Super 12 epidemic.
33:11School children farewelled the team when they left Hamilton.
33:15It's like some ancient tribal ceremony, a cacophony of clanging cowbells, that to the
33:20Rugby Rastafarians, who are the followers of the Chiefs, is the call to worship.
33:25One rabid Chiefs fan is this man.
33:30Hossin, as he's known, says he'll be revved up and watching on the telly.
33:34To me, it's just passion.
33:36Passion to get behind the people you love, and that's the local people.
33:39Get them behind your local men.
33:40These Chiefs, they're big boys.
33:45And just look at the size of their...
33:48Anyway, if you can't beat them, join them.
33:52Bob McNeil, 3 News.
33:57Great reporter.
33:58Great reporter.
33:59Yes.
34:00That was the very first time the Waikato Chiefs made it to the Super Rugby semifinals.
34:03We're pretty sure that's entirely down to the support of the unofficial mascot of Waikato
34:07rugby, Warren Possum Allen.
34:10For 20 years, he would famously take his chainsaw and cherry picker to all the games.
34:14Team, it's up to you to figure out which of our line-up is Possum.
34:17In addition, we have a singer, a construction worker, and a property developer.
34:22You may speak to our line-up, but they cannot speak back.
34:25They can mime for you, though.
34:26Team 1, I'm going to let you have the first go at this.
34:29Way you go.
34:30I'm going to be crazy here, but I think for reasons I don't really want to get into,
34:33we can probably rule out number 2.
34:38Okay.
34:39Well, where would you place number 2, then, in terms of our order?
34:42Because we've also got a singer, a construction worker, and a property developer.
34:46Could you look at me number 2?
34:48Oh, he's got life in his eyes, so not the property developer.
34:53I would also say, though, number 1's got quite snazzy shoes.
34:56So he could also be our property developer, you know?
34:59Oh, property developer shoes are number 2.
35:02Yeah.
35:03What about, actually, I would love to see, could you all please sort of gently put your finger in your ear,
35:08close your eyes, and just sort of wiggle that hand around like a singer, please?
35:12Like a singer.
35:13So just closing the eyes.
35:14There we go.
35:15I don't think Chris is sorry about trying to embarrass him.
35:17Okay.
35:18Number 4's pretty good at that.
35:19He's feeling it.
35:20But number 3's got a bit.
35:21He's still going, you know.
35:23We've lost him.
35:24While we're in the physical realm, Ange, could you just stand up for a second?
35:28If you just stand up.
35:29Why?
35:30Well, because whoever the construction worker is will wolf whistle at you.
35:37There's a sort of twinkle in number 4's eye that just sort of makes me feel like he's a die-hard fan of the Chiefs, was it?
35:43I don't really...
35:44The Chiefs, it is the Chiefs.
35:45I honestly, to be honest, zoned out a little bit because it was sport.
35:48I think it could be number 4 because of how old the video is.
35:51What are you saying there, Ange?
35:53I think it was pretty clear.
35:55Okay, why don't we go down to this?
35:57Let's go down to this.
35:58So let's lock in number 4.
35:59Yeah.
36:00Is it Possum, is that his name?
36:01Yeah, Possum, yeah.
36:02Possum, okay.
36:03I like Ange's.
36:04The shoes on number 2 are the property developer.
36:05Property developer.
36:06Okay, number 2's our property developer.
36:07So maybe number 1's...
36:08I don't know.
36:09Number 1's a singer?
36:10Number 1's our singer.
36:11He's got a money as well.
36:12Number 2 is our property developer, which means number 3 is our construction worker giving number
36:164 as Possum, our die-hard, like me, rugby fan.
36:20Alright, great stuff.
36:21So you think Possum is number 4?
36:23Yes.
36:24Well done team 1.
36:25Team 2, your turn.
36:26Kia ora, thank you.
36:27We've been absorbing all of that, so we've used that information.
36:29I think it's hard because they're all just standing around, so they all could be construction
36:33work.
36:34Yeah.
36:35For me, I was feeling big singer vibes from number 3 because he kind of has like a glassy
36:40eye and I feel like a man, like I could sing an R, you know, like really getting the
36:44emotion of it.
36:45Number 3, am I able to get you to just cry on command please?
36:50Cry?
36:51Yeah, just cry.
36:52Number 3 now.
36:53Do you know what I mean?
36:54Wow.
36:55He's acting like that.
36:56Emotionally?
36:57Wow.
36:58Stop.
36:59I just think emotionally this guy's on tap.
37:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:03He's giving me big singer vibes and I think it's like classical opera.
37:06Yeah, yeah.
37:07Um, number 2.
37:10Yeah.
37:11If you had a gun to my head I could not confidently tell you he's not my landlord.
37:14Like.
37:15Yeah.
37:16For me, I would guess, Corbs, that number 2 was our construction worker.
37:21Number 1 is property developer.
37:22Number 1 is like, oh, money, money, money.
37:23Yeah, I can see him in a suit with a Tesla.
37:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:25Oh my god, number 1 drives a Tesla at 100%.
37:26Personalised plate.
37:27With a personalised plate that's like, it's like proper, prop daddy or something like that.
37:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:32Yeah.
37:33Yeah.
37:34Yeah.
37:35Yeah.
37:36Yeah.
37:37Yeah.
37:38Yeah.
37:39Yeah.
37:40Yeah.
37:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:42Prop daddy or something like that.
37:43Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:47Yeah.
37:48Yeah.
37:49Yeah, yeah.
37:50Property developer, boom, boom, Tesla.
37:52Number two is our construction worker.
37:54Number three is our, I want to say, soprano singer.
37:59And number four is our chainsaw party boy.
38:02Are we allowed to pick the same person?
38:04I'll allow that, yes, of course.
38:06So both teams have chosen number four as Possum,
38:08our chainsaw-wielding rugby fan.
38:10Possum, can I ask you to step forward, please?
38:16Oh, Possum.
38:20Oh, my God.
38:22Oh, my God.
38:42Oh, my God.
38:47Now, so, do you remember that time back in 2004
38:54when the late, great Bob McNeil came down and covered you guys?
38:57Yes, that's right, yeah.
38:58Is that when you started with the chainsaw?
39:00Back in 92.
39:0192?
39:02Yeah, 92.
39:03Oh, my God.
39:04Was there a chain?
39:0492 was when I first got into my own business
39:06and then I had my transport to go and watch the game
39:09over top of the stadium with my cherry picker.
39:11Oh, so you didn't pay for a ticket?
39:13No.
39:14That's cool.
39:15It was free.
39:16Madness.
39:17I love this.
39:18It's so funny.
39:22I never paid it for a ticket.
39:24Oh, undercutting the game you love.
39:27It's a can we wait.
39:28And I bought, I spent $100 of lollies every game,
39:32so I do a lollies scramble after the game.
39:33That's right.
39:34Somebody knew me about the lollies as well, you know?
39:36Yeah, of course.
39:36I've always been warned about lollies scrambles
39:38with men with chainsaws.
39:40This was not dangerous, right?
39:42No chain.
39:43No chain, no oil, so you don't make a mess
39:45and no cutting yourself.
39:46Yeah.
39:46Where did the nickname Possum come from?
39:50Oh, Possum, well, I used to dye my hair.
39:53Oh.
39:53I had the mohawk bright orange,
39:55I was up at my car pole working on power lines,
39:57my hat fell off,
39:58and they go, hey, there's a Possum up the pole.
39:59I've got to say this,
40:02image looks like you're sort of the last stop
40:04on the Santa parade.
40:05Like, they've replaced Santa and put you.
40:07They used to put me at the back of the parade,
40:09so every time there was a parade,
40:11on the show challenge,
40:12I was always the back of the parade.
40:14Yeah.
40:14And I had the police behind me,
40:16so I got the escort all the time.
40:17Yeah, right.
40:18I think the police are behind you
40:19to keep an eye on you.
40:20Yeah, just makes it so I was a good boy, yeah.
40:22Are you the headliner of the parade?
40:24Yeah.
40:24Are you like, are you better than Santa?
40:26Yeah.
40:26Well, you know, I had the lollies all the time.
40:28Yeah, that's the thing.
40:29That's what arrives on your roof
40:30if you're on the naughty list.
40:33I think you're a bit of a muso as well.
40:35Is it true you take the ukulele
40:37into the old folks' homes?
40:38Yeah, I do a lot of singing in rest homes
40:40and all over the place
40:41for the last, I don't know, 10 years.
40:43Do you ever, like, play a bit of ukulele
40:45and then get the chainsaw out
40:47and give it a bit of a...
40:47Well, you know, the only problem
40:49when you start a chainsaw
40:50inside a building like this,
40:52the fire brigade comes out.
40:53Yeah.
40:54Yeah.
40:54That's the only problem.
40:56Give it up to Possum, the chainsaw guy.
41:03All right, so you both got that right, team,
41:05so it's the other placings
41:07that are going to make the difference.
41:08Can we ask our property developer
41:11to step forward, please?
41:14Oh!
41:15Number two!
41:19Our singer, where's our singer?
41:21Oh, singer!
41:22You did love it.
41:23You got that right.
41:24And our construction worker.
41:25There you are.
41:26Number three.
41:27Well done.
41:27Team one.
41:28You gave yourself a star.
41:29Congratulations.
41:30All right, we're almost at the end of the show
41:32and if you love dings,
41:33then we've saved the best for last
41:35and beat the ding right after this on Seven Days.
41:48Welcome back to Seven Days.
41:49I missed you, Zeke.
41:51In this final round of our competition,
41:53our comedians have a limited amount of seconds
41:55to give a limited amount of answers.
41:56If they run out of time,
41:57I'll ding them like the door of the car park
41:58next to me in the car park.
41:59Success earns a star for your team.
42:02Failure leaves you with absolutely nada,
42:04nothing, zip zero.
42:05Let's get dinging.
42:06All right, there were 98 calls
42:08on the first day of the Road Cone Hotline.
42:10It's launched this week.
42:11Brinley, you have 9.8 seconds
42:12to name three things that are hot
42:14and two types of line.
42:17Jack, Hayley and the tomato
42:19in the middle of a toasty.
42:20I need two lines quickly.
42:21Cocaine and the thing you walk when you're drunk.
42:23I'll just check upstairs.
42:28I think you made it.
42:29That's a star.
42:30Well done.
42:30Well done.
42:34All right, a man in India was caught
42:36trying to smuggle 50 venomous vipers
42:38out of the country this week.
42:39Angela, you have 10 seconds.
42:40Name six types of snake.
42:43Reticulated python, cobra,
42:45viper.
42:46There's a golden viper in Brazil.
42:48There's a legless snake.
42:53And a penis.
42:57Trouser snake?
42:59Trouser snake.
43:00Trouser snake.
43:01Trouser snake.
43:01Yeah, true.
43:02If you'd said trouser snake, maybe,
43:04but I can't play that.
43:05Sorry, Angela.
43:05Can't play it.
43:06Also, legless snake is every snake.
43:08All right, we move on.
43:10The country is enduring
43:11a massive cold snap at the moment.
43:12Chris, I'll give you 11 seconds
43:14to tell me five good ways
43:15to keep warm this winter.
43:16Go.
43:16Oh, lovely little blanket.
43:17A lovely little hat.
43:18Oh, put the heat pump on.
43:20And then rub against someone.
43:22And a big weighted blanket.
43:25A big weighted blanket.
43:26That'll do it.
43:27Five.
43:27You get a star.
43:28Congratulations.
43:29Nice to meet you.
43:31Jacinda Ardern's book came out yesterday.
43:33It's called A Different Kind of Power.
43:35It actually got me thinking about books.
43:36Tony, I'll give you 14 seconds
43:38to come up with three titles
43:39for my memoir.
43:41Oh, God.
43:42Corby's stories.
43:44No, I'm not Paul Ego.
43:47Maybe shows that I have killed.
43:49Oh, there we go.
43:50Boom.
43:50Okay.
43:53Yeah, there we go.
43:54Ow.
43:54It's going to be a big book.
43:56It's going to be a massive book.
43:57But you get a star.
43:58Well done.
43:58All right, we move on.
43:59Two Brazilian nuns
44:00have gone viral
44:01after beatboxing
44:02and dancing
44:03on Catholic TV this week.
44:05Jack,
44:05you have eight seconds
44:06to do your best beatbox.
44:08Go.
44:10This feels racist.
44:21Wham!
44:25That was more skating
44:27than beatboxing.
44:28Wham!
44:29Can anyone do a beatbox example for Jack?
44:33There we go.
44:34Yeah.
44:34That's more confusing.
44:35Just, like, spit into your hand, bro.
44:38No, I'm pretty sure it's whizz, wham.
44:40You were scattered.
44:42I was at the level above.
44:44Yeah, you were.
44:45Scatterpop.
44:46It's definitely the whitest thing we've ever had on seven days.
44:50No star for you, Jack.
44:52Actress Sydney Sweeney is releasing a soap made out of her bathwater.
44:57Hayley, I'll give you ten seconds to name four things you'd make out of your bathwater.
45:01Go.
45:01A delicious edible soup.
45:04A thing that you can rub onto your skin so you can get my sexy essence.
45:09A rinse for your face.
45:11It clears acne.
45:13And something instead of petrol in your car.
45:15Wham, wham.
45:16There you go.
45:18A star for you, Hayley.
45:19Well done.
45:20Congratulations.
45:21Hayley's bath juice.
45:22That's all we have time for tonight.
45:24If I add it up and I carry the one divided by zero,
45:26no, I wouldn't do that.
45:27That's infinity.
45:27That means tonight's winner is team one.
45:32Be very careful with this.
45:33There you go.
45:34There are your drinks from the pints of water.
45:38Congratulations.
45:40Enjoy them.
45:42You're not allowed to leave them behind,
45:44so take them with you.
45:45Thank you very much.
45:46A huge thanks to our panellists.
45:48Please join me in thanking them.
45:49Chris, Angela, Tony, Hayley, Brinley and Jack.
45:51Thanks for watching.
45:52We'll see you on Saturdays.
45:53On Saturdays.
45:54Moi lili.
45:56Well done.
45:57Great job.
45:57Great job.
45:58Great job.
45:59Thank you so much.
46:05Thank you, New Zealand On Air, for the funding.
46:07Way better than a few stupid letters after you, no?
46:09I have to get all my bathrobes re-monogrammed.
46:15Not for me.
46:15Not for me.
46:17Why are you crying?
46:19I'm not crying.
46:21You need this, brother.
46:22Shut up.
46:23You're all right, mate.