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00:00You're watching WLNY-TV.
00:09Just when you thought it was safe, it's back!
00:13The Gong Show!
00:15With celebrity judges, Argus Hamilton!
00:19Molly Cheek!
00:24Ramon Deca!
00:26Joey Clamon and the Gong Show Guys!
00:35And now, ladies and gentlemen, Crew and Blue!
00:47Whoa! Welcome to the Gong Show.
00:49Thank you very much for the applause, but we've got to hurry.
00:51We only have 30 minutes before we all go out for dinner.
00:54Where do you want to go? Where are we going to go?
00:56We've got plans. We've got to get rolling here.
00:59Hosting the Gong Show is a terrific experience for me.
01:01I'm always excited to see the amazing talent that we have on the show.
01:05I know the whole thing has really turned my life around.
01:08I used to be normal.
01:10Our first performer was at the end of his rope
01:13looking for a musical instrument to play,
01:15but just as he reached the end of the rope,
01:17well, he looked at the end of his arms
01:19and realized that he could play the end of his hands,
01:21and this is the end of the intro.
01:23Welcome, Candace, Andy Stewart!
01:27Thank you, Candace!
01:28Thank you, Candace!
01:29Thank you, Candace!
01:30Thank you, Candace!
01:31Thank you, Candace!
01:32Thank you, Candace!
01:33Thank you, Candace!
01:34Thank you, Candace!
01:35Thank you, Candace!
01:36Thank you, Candace!
01:37Thank you, Candace!
01:38Thank you, Candace!
01:39Thank you, Candace!
01:40Thank you, Candace!
01:41Thank you, Candace!
01:42Thank you, Candace!
01:43Thank you, Candace!
01:44Thank you, Candace!
01:45Thank you, Candace!
01:46Thank you, Candace!
01:47Thank you, Candace!
01:48Thank you, Candace!
01:49Thank you, Candace!
01:50Thank you, Candace!
01:51Thank you, Candace!
01:52Thank you, Candace!
01:53Oh, my God.
02:23Oh, my God.
02:53That's very, very good.
02:55You don't mind if I touch your instrument here, do you?
02:58Yeah, please.
02:59No, no, I won't hurt it at all.
03:01Now, do you just, do you do work with your hands?
03:03Yeah, if I get in a real crowded elevator, I just need one note, and I'm free, clear.
03:07No problem.
03:08I bet these jobs don't last a real long time.
03:10Okay.
03:11Well, let's check out your scores over here.
03:13This is a great act.
03:14First of all, we meet our panel.
03:15You've seen them on The Tonight Show in Las Vegas, L.A., at the Comedy Store.
03:19Welcome, political humorist, Argus Hamilton.
03:23Thank you very much.
03:26I think you stole that from George Bush.
03:33He's doing that to carry New York.
03:34And don't get me wrong, I love New York.
03:38It's a great place to keep all the New Yorkers.
03:41So, I'd like to give Andy a big spanking 10.
03:48All right.
03:48There we go.
03:49Thank you on behalf of the Greenhouse Effect.
03:54All right.
03:54Now, soon to be with Alan Thicke in the television movie Senior Prom, and also currently Gary Shandling's
04:01next-door neighbor, Molly Cheek.
04:07Molly, how do you like Andy's hand?
04:08Oh, I think he was fine, but really, I'm so concerned with interesting Ramon and myself.
04:12I wore this low-cut number, and I could only think of this number.
04:15Well, let's see where this came from.
04:22You've heard of Pompadour.
04:24Now, you're seeing Megador, the man with the largest hair in show business.
04:29It's Ramon Azteca.
04:35Hey, hey.
04:36Hey, Ramon.
04:38How do you like Andy?
04:39I haven't heard those kind of sounds since I've eaten the Burrito Grande.
04:43I'll give you a 10.
04:44Yeah, well, that should be a pretty easy total to come up with.
04:50That gives you a 22.
04:51Way to go, Andy.
04:52We'll see you a little later.
04:53Yeah.
05:01Now, next, we have a singer who can really belt out a tune.
05:05She probably, well, she could be the next Aretha Franklin if she just changed her name
05:08to Aretha Franklin.
05:09Right now, though, she is Sandra Riley.
05:12I don't want nobody
05:18Always
05:23Sitting around
05:30Me and my man
05:33I don't want nobody
05:41I don't want nobody
05:41Always
05:46Sit right there
05:52Looking at me
05:57And that man
05:59Be my mother
06:03My brother
06:04Or my sister
06:05Would you believe
06:10I get up
06:12Put on some clothes
06:14And go on
06:16And help me
06:17Find somebody
06:18Put himself in pockets
06:20Yes, I will
06:22Don't send me
06:24No doctor
06:26Fill me up with all of those pills
06:31I got me
06:34I got me a man named Dr. Feelgood
06:35I got me a man named Dr. Feelgood
06:36I got me a man named Dr. Feelgood
06:37Oh, yes, I got me a man named Dr. Feelgood
06:39Oh, yes, I got me a man named Dr. Feelgood
06:43Oh, my praise
06:45And if
06:46His name is
06:48His name is
06:50Such a feelgood
06:54In the morning
06:55And after one visit
07:00It took us to feelgood
07:01You
07:04Understand why feelgood
07:07Is his name
07:10Oh, yes
07:13Oh
07:14Oh
07:15Good God
07:16I might a man
07:17Don't make me feel real
07:19Go
07:20Oh
07:21Oh
07:22Oh
07:23Oh
07:24Oh
07:25Oh
07:26Oh
07:27Oh
07:28Oh
07:29Oh
07:30Oh
07:31Oh
07:32Oh
07:33Oh
07:34Oh
07:35Oh
07:36Oh
07:37Oh
07:38Oh
07:39Oh
07:40Yes
07:41Yeah
07:42Excellent
07:43That was great
07:44Thank you
07:45Thank you
07:46Did you start singing in church?
07:47Yes, I did
07:48I started at Jericho Revival
07:49Jericho Revival
07:50Did they have to fix the roof?
07:51When you were done?
07:52Yeah, I don't think so
07:53Woo
07:54Boy, you blew the roof off here
07:55Let's find out your scores
07:56Argus
07:57If this were a musical
07:58You'd be the star of Oprah Homa, honey
07:59You are number 10
08:00Thank you
08:01All right
08:02Thank you
08:07Hey
08:08Molly
08:09What do you say?
08:10If I could draw
08:11This would have flames on it
08:12Because
08:17Well, you had Ramon out of his chair
08:18Let's see what kind of a score he gives you
08:20Well, I don't know
08:23Does this girl have a set of lungs on her or what?
08:28Candy
08:29Another one
08:30Thank you
08:31Okay
08:32A total of 30 points
08:34Very good
08:35And we'll see you a little bit later
08:36Thank you
08:37Yeah
08:38Woo
08:39Woo
08:40Woo
08:41Woo
08:42Woo
08:43Woo
08:44Woo
08:45Woo
08:46Woo
08:47Woo
08:48Woo
08:49Woo
08:50Woo
08:51Woo
08:52Woo
08:53Woo
08:54Woo
08:55Woo
08:56Woo
08:57Woo
08:58Woo
08:59Woo
09:01Moore
09:02I'd like to meet you
09:03But I bet you're hoping for a hook
09:05You can see each other
09:06And all I've got to offer
09:07is sensitive training
09:09Intelligence and charm
09:10I'm drinking milk though
09:11And for the next couple of season
09:14I'll be working out
09:15Milk's about the best thing I can drink right now
09:17To help me build strong arms
09:19Powerful legs and a broad chest
09:20chest and when all my work is done will you love me just for my body i can live with that milk it
09:27does the body good highlight your life with your own shining light highlight your hair with what's
09:38naturally there there in there natural highlights halse highlights yours with halse swedish botanical
09:47shampoo marigold for blondes ginger root for redheads walnut leaves for brunettes bring out your own
09:54natural highlights with halse shampoos and conditioners they're in there
10:00no no no no no bring them
10:17the new issue of tv guide takes you to seoul south korea our viewers guide to the 88 olympics will help
10:38you watch more of the summer games than you could hope to see in person and you'll be catching the
10:43action with the likes of james mitchner bud shulberg and eric siegel peerless programming exciting
10:49writing tv guide covers the games from start to finish so if you're not going to soul this year
10:56get tv guide this week it's on sale now
11:10all right here comes an act now that just popped up backstage after they burrowed under the studio
11:15it's gophers
11:27gophers
11:41Oh
12:03Hey little gopher whoops, I didn't mean to kneel on your foot. I'm sorry if it is this foot
12:11It is, it is, it is. I'm sorry you got gong here, but I guess you know that's what happens with the rodents and stuff of the world
12:17Wait till we get your yards
12:20We're going to dig holes everywhere
12:23Where did you guys meet anyway?
12:25Oh, we worked together
12:27At a digging
12:28Utility, yeah. Excavation place. Yeah, okay. All right, so molly you just thought it was your responsibility to yeah
12:35It's like roto-rooter or whatever. Yeah, I understand. Okay. Thank you very much guys, and we'll see you later. Thanks for coming on
12:41Yeah
12:49Now one of the big managers in hollywood couldn't help but noticed this next act because he was sleeping on his lawn
12:57Here comes graylin williams
13:03Hi there i'm gonna do a skit for you called officer and a gentleman okay goes like this here
13:08And then then look up here. My name is you got the junior why you in here. Yes. I'm here to have a good time
13:14Yeah, I'm from john beam i'm looking for a wife because she's doing half of my stuff who's over there. Oh, I don't know
13:22Maybe so i feel pretty good. You know i'll be a dj. You know you can rock and roll and sing like jane brown
13:28I might really do my thing moving good
13:31Why you in here i'm gonna tell you why i'm here
13:35George jefflin is great
13:37Now i want to get away from wheezy that's right i want to get away from wheezy because she's so big and i can't stand her
13:42Hey you're kidding what a crowd you know i love you all the reason i'm here to get away from my wife you know
13:46She's a tourist you know i'm married everywhere we go she'll blow up things you know
13:51I tell you she's a rough she's a little rough you know
13:54And just again let me tell you something i'm here to show these people how to dance and walk and have a good time
14:00I don't know i'm very good and just a minute i want to tell the kids something i would probably
14:08Good job
14:14Yes you have a good time and i'm wonderful yes i'm very wonderful
14:19Now i'm going to dambin yes yes
14:22That was very good you must have done about 15 people right there yes
14:34How many do you know how many there were in that uh that act no just put me there they go
14:38Unbelievable as he goes along this is terrific argus what do you think well after 12 years in hollywood like barbara billingsley
14:44i speak jive and uh i understand everything he's doing he's terrific i'd like to see him do an impression of bill cosby
14:51As a regular guy that's why i give him a tear all right
14:59Okay molly well uh i think he's uh quite good and uh he's probably the uh second hardest working guy in show business
15:05He brought his friends with him to the show too huh hey ramon azteca
15:15Okay graylin let's total ease up it's a 28 for you this time very good that's a great act thank you for coming
15:27Our next act describes himself as amber dextrous amphibious and amorous i guess that makes him sort of a reversible horny toad
15:42It's true here's jessie loya
15:48So when i see that girl of mine the nurse starts to unwind hot damn that girl's such a tear gonna fly
16:04Wow
16:06Wow
16:08Well she grooves me
16:10I wanna just shout
16:12Rearing about that little lover of mine
16:14So if i
16:16When i see my heart i suck on my knees
16:18Begin to buckle
16:20Catch all names i suck shit on my knuckle
16:22Wow
16:24Well
16:26Well she groove me
16:28I wanna just shout
16:30Raaring about that little lover of mine
16:32So if i
16:34When i see my heart
16:36I wanna just shout
16:38Rearing about that little lover of mine
16:40So if i
16:42I want to show you how we're about to live.
17:06Great!
17:07That was wonderful.
17:08That's terrific.
17:09I love these braces that you have right here.
17:11These are strange little things.
17:13You look a lot like the guy that was in La Bamba.
17:15What's his name?
17:16Lou Diamond Phillips.
17:17Yeah.
17:18Doesn't he look like Lou Diamond Phillips from La Bamba?
17:21Okay, so you don't look like him.
17:24This is a great song, though.
17:25Did you write this?
17:26Yeah, I did. Thank you.
17:27What's the name of it?
17:28She's So Fine.
17:29You have other songs you've written?
17:30Yeah.
17:31Well, like Everybody's Favorite Bad Boy and Does My Hair Look Alright?
17:34Sure, looks fine.
17:35Oh, that's the song.
17:37You got me on that one.
17:39Target.
17:40Now, something gets you about his look.
17:42I think this is what happened.
17:43You're Little Ricky from I Love Lucy, right?
17:46I want to personally thank you for not singing La Bamba.
17:50And, uh, for that alone, I give you a ten.
17:53Woo!
17:56Alright, Molly.
17:57Listen, I'm so much in the doghouse, I've just pre-made up a lot of these so that they
18:03get off my case.
18:08Ramon Azteca.
18:09Just so you tore it up home.
18:10Alright.
18:11Well, this isn't going to be too hard to add these up, is it?
18:14The total you got is 30.
18:15That's excellent.
18:16We'll see you in a minute.
18:17Okay, yeah.
18:18Woo!
18:19Gay life, Tim.
18:20Don't miss this next one.
18:21It could be the gong of your life when we return on The Gong Show.
18:26You know, this one's part, there's a lot of almonds for a chocolate butter.
18:27But it's not just almonds.
18:28It's chocolate!
18:29It's chocolate!
18:30They'll treat you with greeting the danaj gray.
18:31How to sleep?
18:32Give me a heaven awesies.
18:33I'll eat she tomorrow.
18:34You know, this one's part, there's a lot of almonds for a chocolate butter.
18:36But it's not just almonds.
18:37It's chocolate-y!
18:40They'll treat you with greeting the daajito.
18:41They'll treat you with greeting the daajito.
18:42You know what, tonight?
18:43I can't see him.
18:44Holy moly.
18:57Hi, I live in this apartment, and over the last few years, a lot of things have happened on this sofa.
19:15You want to make a wish?
19:15No, no, no.
19:27So sit back on your sofa and join us again for Three's Company.
19:34Weeknights at 5.30 on Channel 61.
19:37The United States federal government has recently issued a warning that the water you drink may have high concentrations of lead.
19:45Lead in the human body can cause serious damage to the brain, kidneys, nervous system, and red blood cells.
19:52Young children and pregnant women have the greatest risk, even with the shortest exposure.
19:57A dose of lead that would have a little effect on an adult can have a big effect on a small body.
20:03American Aqua offers you a safe, effective system that protects your family's health from the threat of lead and many other foreign substances.
20:11Call 800-242-6400 for a brochure and this free booklet, The Lead in Your Drinking Water.
20:18That's 800-242-6400.
20:21Call now for the safe, affordable answer to all of your water problems.
20:25800-242-6400, there's no obligation.
20:29Please call if you have young children.
20:31It's better to be safe than sorry.
20:33800-242-6400, American Aqua.
20:38A member of our studio audience will receive Vivitar TEC-155,
20:42autofocus camera with zoom lens built in.
20:45Beautiful 35mm pictures from scenics to portraits from Vivitar.
20:49Here comes a soloist, possibly not by choice.
21:00Welcome Murray the Knife, he's here.
21:02Oh, this shark has pretty teeth, dear.
21:10And he shows them pearly white.
21:16Just a jackknife has old Mac, he did.
21:21And he keeps saying, oh, I'll excite.
21:25Cause when that shark fights, with his teeth, dear.
21:32Scarlet bellows, oh, they're down to bread.
21:37Party goes old, where's old Mac, he did.
21:41So there's never a trace of red.
21:46To win the law, disappear, dear.
21:52After drawing, oh, oh, our disguise.
21:57And old Mac, he says, just like a sailor.
22:02Get up, oh, oh, oh, do something alright.
22:07To be tired, to be tired, but
22:11I don't know if you noticed, I was doing the
22:37part over there. Did you get that?
22:40That was important.
22:42Yeah, what do you do for a living
22:44other than sing like this?
22:45I work for what's now known as the Tower and Inferno.
22:48It's a major bank in downtown Los Angeles.
22:52Is that the one that burned?
22:53That's the one.
22:55Wonderful, okay.
22:57Well, I'm glad you're here then and I can see why you got the sprinkler coat on.
23:00Now I get it.
23:00Okay, hey.
23:03He's okay now.
23:05What do you think, Argus?
23:06Well, you work for a bank.
23:08You really do?
23:09Yeah.
23:09I was just paid $5,000 by a bank in Dallas for a one-nighter.
23:13The check was fine, but the bank bounced.
23:17So, here's a nine for you.
23:20Do you want to score Argus on that one?
23:24Well, you could score him on that line he just did.
23:26Oh, the line just gave me about the bounced bank instead of the bounced check.
23:28What do you think?
23:29Let's see. I don't know what that says.
23:31Better give him a ten.
23:32I'll give him a ten on that, okay?
23:33Explain it to him.
23:34Yeah.
23:35Okay, now, Molly Chief.
23:37Well, first of all, I'd like to gong you for that.
23:40And, uh, what the heck?
23:41I love your outfit.
23:43You love it.
23:43You're going to roll.
23:44Okay.
23:45I love it.
23:46Now, Ramon Azteca.
23:48Well, I don't know.
23:49Let's ask little Ramon.
23:50Well?
23:52Isn't he cute?
23:53And he's anatomically correct.
23:54Um, I think that I'd like to give him, eh?
24:00I got charity.
24:00Ten.
24:01Oh!
24:03All right.
24:04Now, this shouldn't be too hard to total up.
24:06That gives you a 29 total.
24:08Very good.
24:08We'll see you in a minute.
24:09Yay.
24:10Ho!
24:11Ho!
24:11Ho!
24:11Ho!
24:12Ho!
24:12Ho!
24:12Ho!
24:12Ho!
24:12Ho!
24:13Ho!
24:13Ho!
24:13Ho!
24:14Ho!
24:14Ho!
24:14Ho!
24:15We'll be back with our winner right after this.
24:18Ho!
24:18Ho!
24:18Ho!
24:19Ho!
24:19Ho!
24:19Ho!
24:20Ho!
24:20Ho!
24:21Ho!
24:21Ho!
24:22Ho!
24:22Ho!
24:23Coming up on the next episode of Divorce Court, he's a bouncer and off the wall.
24:28She collapsed because her feet couldn't keep up with her coked-out brain.
24:32Is she weird, wasted, or both?
24:34He'd lay out a line.
24:35She'd take off a piece of clothing.
24:37The bouncer gets bounced.
24:38He was insecure sexually.
24:40But rises to the occasion.
24:42Hey, I'm great in bed.
24:44Help is on the way.
24:45I'm a doctor.
24:46It's not like I haven't seen breasts before.
24:48On the next Divorce Court.
24:50Tonight at 6 on Channel 61.
24:52Secret thoughts of first dates.
24:55Exposed on Love Connection.
24:57Heart-stopping drama.
24:58So I knock on his door and he opens up the door and he's in his underwear.
25:01Heart-pounding passion.
25:03All of a sudden she started snoring.
25:05Heart-warming romance.
25:06He was perfect.
25:07Exactly what I wanted.
25:09Chuck Woolery gets to the heart of it.
25:11He's going real good, isn't he?
25:12On Love Connection.
25:13It's no secret why it's so much fun.
25:22I'm Cy Sperling, President of the Hair Club for Men.
25:25And these are just a few of the men who called our toll-free number for our booklet about thinning hair.
25:31This is the booklet that tells you what you need to know about every hair replacement method available.
25:37It discusses everything from toupees and wigs to transplants and weaves.
25:42And it even has a section on the realities and misconceptions of minoxidil.
25:48Just call our toll-free number now and I'll send you our new updated edition,
25:52which includes a whole new series of before and after photos like these.
25:56These men are actual clients and not models.
25:59They're men like you who discovered that you don't need drugs or chemicals, surgery or miracles to have a full head of hair.
26:07To get all the facts free and without obligation, just call our toll-free number now and I'll send you the new booklet.
26:13And remember, I'm not only the Hair Club president, but I'm also a client.
26:31Okay, here we go now.
26:32You'll notice the very famous gong show check that Argus Hamilton and Ramon Azteca have for $701.
26:38and the very famous Aztec Cheek, Molly Cheek, holding the famous gong show trophy.
26:44This time it was a tie.
26:46Perfect scores of 30, the judges conferred and our winner is Sandra Riley!
26:51Where's Sandra?
26:52Hey!
26:55There is your money!
26:57Hey, see what church will do for you?
27:00See you next time on the gong show!
27:01If you have a weird or unusual act and would like to be on the gong show, call 213-442-3575.
27:13Some of our departing contestants will receive scratch guard bath and kitchen cleaner from Turtle Wax,
27:18cleans and shines bath and kitchen surfaces without scratching and never leaves a gritty residue.
27:23And the Episauna, a 10-minute facial at home.
27:29No healthy skin should be without it.
27:32Go!
27:34Go!
27:36Go!
27:36Go!
27:37Go!
27:37Go!
27:38Go!
27:38Go!
27:39Go!
27:39Go!
27:41Go!
27:42Go!
27:43Go!
27:44Go!
27:45Go!
27:46Go!
27:47Go!
27:48Go!
27:49Go!
27:50Go!
27:51Go!
27:52Go!
27:53Go!
27:54Go!
27:55Go!
27:56Go!
27:57Go!
27:58Go!
27:59Go!
28:00Go!
28:01Go!
28:02Go!
28:03Go!
28:04Go!
28:05Go!
28:06Go!
28:07Go!
28:08Go!
28:09Go!
28:10Go!
28:11Go!
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28:13Go!
28:14Go!
28:15Go!
28:16Go!
28:17Go!
28:18Go!
28:19Go!
28:20Go!
28:21From the go-to-tree.