Frasier Season 5 Episode 1 Frasiers Imaginar Y Friend
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Well, I should warn you, if we hit turbulence, I may hold on to you for dear life.
00:09Well, I should warn you, I'm hoping for a bumpy ride.
00:16So, why are you going to Acapulco?
00:20Actually, it's rather an amusing story.
00:23See, I came down to the airport on sort of a blind date, with a cello player.
00:30Well, of course, you didn't know it was a blind date.
00:33Actually, it was all in my head, but...
00:35So, when I bumped into you, you said you were going to Acapulco, I thought, why not tag along?
00:44So, the only reason you're on this plane is because of me.
00:50Call it kismet?
00:52Can I switch seats?
00:53Oh, sure.
00:55You're lucky.
00:55No one of this fight is damned.
00:59See?
01:00Kismet.
01:11I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I have to say, I'd be flattered if someone got on a plane to be with me.
01:19Really?
01:20Yeah.
01:21I mean, what could be more romantic than that?
01:25You know, that's a little awkward, trying to talk like this.
01:27Is that seat taken?
01:28No, come sit here, please.
01:37Oh, I'm sorry, thank you.
01:41Oh, at last.
01:44Oh, I'm Frasier Crane.
01:47Felicity Stafford.
01:49It's a pleasure.
01:49Oh, this is my husband, David.
01:55Genuine pleasure.
01:56Oh, darn.
02:05I forgot to order my kosher meal.
02:09Excuse me.
02:10So sorry.
02:13Pardon me.
02:13I'm so sorry.
02:14Well, it was lovely meeting you both.
02:18Let's do it.
02:22Bless you.
02:24Oh, thank God.
02:36The flight's late.
02:38I was sure I missed it.
02:43Oh.
02:43Yes, it's me.
02:59It's amazing what they can do with makeup and lighting.
03:02Yes, it is amazing.
03:06Not that they didn't have plenty to work with.
03:08Oh, by plenty, I don't mean anything, you know, referring to, well, here, you just stay right there.
03:15I'll change seats.
03:17No, no, no, wait.
03:18Your voice sounds really familiar.
03:21Dr. Frasier Crane from the radio.
03:24Kelly Easterbrook from the magazine.
03:27Yes.
03:29Well, I'm assuming that you're off to a photo shoot on the beaches of Mexico.
03:36No, actually, I only model part-time these days.
03:40I'm in a Ph.D. program at the University of Washington.
03:44What's your field?
03:45Zoology.
03:46That's why I'm going to Mexico to observe the spiny-tailed iguana.
03:52A model and a scholar.
03:57This is the part where I normally wake up.
04:06I know what you're thinking.
04:27Last night, walking along the beach, we kicked off our shoes and looked up at that amazing blanket of stars.
04:44Actually, I was remembering when that iguana ran across your foot and you jumped into my arms.
04:49Oh, yes, that's true.
04:54You're really quite strong.
04:57I am a supermodel.
05:02Sir Frasier,
05:03Is there any chance you'd be interested in seeing more of me?
05:13There's more.
05:17Of course.
05:18Of course.
05:19Of course.
05:20I was hoping they would.
05:22Oh, that's great.
05:26There's one thing I should mention.
05:29It's a little awkward.
05:31What is?
05:32Well,
05:34I'm in the process of
05:38breaking up with someone.
05:42He plays for the Seahawks
05:44and with all of us in the public eye,
05:46these things have a way of getting out, so
05:48I'd appreciate it if, just for now,
05:52you didn't tell anyone about you and me.
05:57What happened between us will never leave this room.
06:02If there's a gun in heaven, neither will we.
06:09Have you seen Frasier?
06:16What?
06:17He's not back from the airport yet?
06:18No.
06:21That's a lot of cheese and crackers.
06:23You gonna eat all those?
06:24Don't be stupid.
06:26I'm having people over tonight.
06:27Good morning, all.
06:30There you are.
06:31I almost gave up on you.
06:34So, Mr. Impulsive, I got your message.
06:37How's Mexico?
06:38Fine.
06:40Relax him.
06:41Oh, I'm sorry.
06:44Sorry?
06:46Yeah, well, considering what a slump your sex life has been in lately,
06:49I know you were hoping for a little,
06:51well, you know, action.
06:53You know, south of the border.
06:55Ross, just because the last time you went to Mexico,
06:58you were hit on more than a piñata,
07:00doesn't mean that was the purpose of my visit as well.
07:02Oh, yeah, right.
07:05You wanted to hear the Acapulco Philharmonic.
07:09So, Doc, you get any?
07:12That is none of your business.
07:13Well, better luck next time.
07:16Didn't it ever occur to you that I'm merely being discreet,
07:19that I actually did meet a woman,
07:20I just don't care to broadcast it?
07:22Sure, that might have happened.
07:26Please, no, frankly, I don't have time for this nonsense.
07:30What I did or did not do on my vacation
07:31is none of your concern.
07:33Don't you do have better things to do
07:34than to speculate about my sex life?
07:36Oh, Fraser Crane's sex life.
07:38Hey, there's a word for that.
07:39It's an oxy...
07:41oxy...
07:43moron.
07:44Hey, whoa, easy.
07:46I'll get it.
07:53All right, now, flip over.
07:55Ten kicks on each side.
07:57Oh, jeez, I hate this one.
08:00What does it do, anyway?
08:01I...
08:01Nothing for you.
08:03But you just get a nice breeze going.
08:08Hello, Dr. Crane.
08:09Daphne.
08:18Hello, Eddie.
08:19Good boy, Dad.
08:22That's...
08:23I'm true.
08:24So, where's Fraser?
08:25Oh, he got in a while ago,
08:27but jumped right in the shower.
08:29So we still have no idea why he went to Mexico?
08:31Well, you heard the same message we did.
08:33He wanted to do something spur of the moment,
08:35so he jumped on a plane.
08:37That doesn't concern you.
08:39It's not exactly like him,
08:40to board a plane without reservations
08:42and luggage, slumber mask.
08:45Oh.
08:47He probably just went down there
08:48to try to meet some women.
08:50I've seen this with my patients.
08:53They get so distressed
08:54over a series of failures,
08:55especially romantic ones,
08:58that they act out
08:59in bizarre ways.
09:00Mm-hmm.
09:01Mm-hmm.
09:02Mm-hmm.
09:03Ah!
09:07Is there anything more refreshing
09:09after a long flight
09:11than a hot soak in eucalyptus salt
09:13and a snifter of warmed poire, will you?
09:21Nothing yet,
09:22but keep your ears open.
09:25You know, Dr. Crane,
09:27we're all awfully eager
09:28to hear about your trip.
09:30Oh.
09:30Did you have a nice time?
09:31Oh, yeah, it's lovely.
09:32Yeah?
09:32Did you meet any girls?
09:34Uh, well, you know me, Dad.
09:36I'm not one to kiss and tell.
09:39Struck out, huh?
09:41Well, it'll all turn around for you.
09:44You know, why does everyone assume
09:45that it's impossible
09:46for me to meet a woman?
09:47No need to get mad.
09:48I'm on your side.
09:49I just feel bad for you.
09:50We all do.
09:53You know, frankly,
09:54I'm sick and tired
09:55of everyone's pity.
09:57In fact,
09:58I did meet a woman down there.
10:00A perfectly fabulous woman.
10:02We had an utterly romantic weekend.
10:03Well, why didn't you just
10:04tell us that from the start?
10:06Well, I'm not at liberty
10:07to discuss it.
10:08Oh, yes,
10:10the pesky club bed,
10:11Oath of Silence.
10:21No.
10:22She asked me to be discreet.
10:24See, she's a rather famous supermodel
10:29and, uh...
10:31Right now, she's going through
10:35a breakup with a star football player
10:38on the Seahawks.
10:39And she didn't want any publicity.
10:42So, you see,
10:43before I identify her to you,
10:46I have to ask that you
10:47not ever repeat this to anyone.
10:49I'd urge you to do the same.
10:57Her name is Kelly Easterbrook.
11:00The lotion girl.
11:02Oh, she has such milky skin.
11:04I thought so, yes.
11:08We were inseparable
11:09the entire weekend.
11:11You know,
11:11some people think
11:12I look like her.
11:14Oh, yes.
11:18Anyway,
11:19I've got a picture of her.
11:20I'll be right back.
11:23Well, it's one thing
11:25to concoct a little white lie,
11:26but to come up with
11:27a supermodel
11:28who'd dump an NFL player
11:30for Frasier?
11:33Think you two
11:34of just being awful.
11:36I've never known
11:36Dr. Crane to tell a lie.
11:39Actually, this is not
11:40without precedent.
11:42When he was ten,
11:43he forged letters
11:44from Leonard Bernstein
11:45then told everyone
11:45they were pen pals.
11:46Oh, yeah.
11:48Remember?
11:49He came bounding up the stairs.
11:50Got another one from Lenny.
11:53We were all agog
11:54until Mr. Bernstein
11:56wrote that his Broadway debut
11:57was Candide
11:58when everyone knows
11:59that it was on the town.
12:01That's when we knew
12:01it was a fake.
12:04The sloppy kid lettering
12:06was also a clue.
12:08Yeah, she is.
12:16It's from a magazine?
12:18Yeah, yeah.
12:18She's in lots of magazines
12:19and billboards, too.
12:21Now she's my girlfriend.
12:22Oh, gosh.
12:26Well, I'm off to bed.
12:28Didn't get much sleep
12:29over the weekend.
12:31You know what I mean?
12:32Good night.
12:36It just snapped
12:37like its way, didn't it?
12:47Hello?
12:49Kelly.
12:50Hi.
12:52See, I didn't know
12:53you were back in town.
12:56I'd love to.
12:58Right.
12:58Well, I'll see you there
13:00in, what, half an hour?
13:01Okay.
13:03Yeah, me, too.
13:05Bye.
13:07Frazier.
13:08Glad we caught you.
13:09We're off to the
13:10Buster Keaton retrospective.
13:11Care to join us?
13:12Actually, I'm asking
13:13you to move to Les Galliers
13:14for a late lunch with Kelly.
13:16Oh, you're a supermodel.
13:18Oh, you didn't mention
13:19anything about that
13:20when you left this morning.
13:21She just called.
13:23She came up early
13:24from a modeling assignment
13:25in Hawaii.
13:26I suspect it's the
13:27you-know-who.
13:31Yes, Dr. Crane,
13:34listen, I need my usual
13:35table in about
13:3620 minutes.
13:37Oh, yes, and chill
13:38your finest bottle
13:39of Puy-Poussey.
13:43Well,
13:43modeling no swimsuit,
13:46she works up
13:46quite a thirst.
13:52Poor sod.
13:53Doesn't he realize
13:54how outlandish
13:55it all sounds?
13:56Even a fake supermodel
13:57would have dumped him
13:58by now.
14:02I wish there was
14:03something we could do.
14:05There is.
14:06When he was in the
14:07throes of his
14:07Leonard Bernstein obsession,
14:09we finally confronted him
14:11and, as you may recall,
14:12Dad, he was relieved
14:13that once and for all
14:14he could give up
14:15the charade.
14:15Charade.
14:16Charade.
14:16Well, I guess we could
14:17talk to him,
14:18but what are we
14:20going to say?
14:22It won't be easy.
14:24We'll tell him
14:24we know what's going on
14:26and that he doesn't
14:27have to pretend anymore.
14:29All right.
14:30But situations like that
14:32make me uncomfortable.
14:33Well, you know,
14:34there's always the
14:34outside chance
14:35we'll walk into
14:36that restaurant
14:37and some gorgeous
14:38supermodel
14:39will be draped
14:40all over,
14:41Brick.
14:46That's a good one, Dad.
14:48We need you, Dad.
14:50I thought we could do
14:51with a little
14:52tension breaker.
14:59Frasier?
15:01Hello.
15:01Hello.
15:02Hi.
15:03You look wonderful.
15:07Oh, thank you.
15:08Well, here.
15:09Here, sit.
15:10I ordered us
15:11an appetizer.
15:13Oh, this is so sweet,
15:15but I can't stay.
15:17My lab call,
15:18there's been
15:18a small emergency.
15:20Is everything all right?
15:21Our incubator broke.
15:23My iguana eggs
15:23need to be moved
15:24to another lab
15:25right away.
15:26I hope you understand.
15:27Well, of course,
15:28I'm disappointed,
15:29but we'll do it
15:30again sometime.
15:31I'll call you
15:32as soon as I'm done
15:32at the lab.
15:33Great.
15:33Okay.
15:34I'll keep my fingers crossed.
15:36Here's hoping
15:37your eggs
15:38are still fertile.
15:42My wife had trouble
15:43conceiving, too.
15:45It turned out
15:46to be me.
15:50Well, mystery solved.
15:51Off you go.
15:52Oh, that is so sad.
16:07I'll see.
16:09Nobody's ever bought
16:10me caviar,
16:11and I'm real.
16:16Maybe this is
16:17a family thing.
16:18Hello, Frasier.
16:29Hey.
16:31Dad?
16:32Niles?
16:34Something the matter?
16:36No, we were just
16:36in the neighborhood.
16:37Thought we'd stop by,
16:39see if you'd change
16:39your mind about the movie.
16:42She's being overly
16:43persistent,
16:43but you know,
16:44I've just made
16:45join you.
16:46My date canceled
16:46at the last moment.
16:48Listen, Frasier,
16:50whatever it is
16:51that makes you feel
16:52the need to perpetuate
16:53this fantasy woman,
16:55you don't have to
16:56on our account.
16:59Fantasy?
16:59We're your family.
17:02We don't care if you
17:03haven't been out
17:03with anybody
17:04in quite a while.
17:07My God,
17:08you actually believe
17:10that I've invented
17:11this relationship.
17:12Hey, Frasier,
17:13it's no crime
17:14to go down to Acapulco
17:15and come back
17:16empty-handed.
17:17I did not come back
17:18empty-handed.
17:19I came back
17:19with two huge handfuls.
17:25Mr. Kelly
17:26was just here.
17:28She was called away
17:29on an emergency.
17:31That would be
17:32a modeling emergency?
17:36No.
17:38She only models
17:40to raise money
17:40for her real interest,
17:42zoology.
17:43She's a PhD candidate
17:45and she raises
17:46iguanas.
17:49The incubator broke
17:51and her eggs
17:53were in danger.
17:53It was vital
17:54that only she
17:55transferred them.
17:56Oh, look,
17:56the details
17:57are unimportant.
17:58The fact is,
17:58I am having
17:59a relationship
18:00with this woman.
18:05We love you,
18:07Frasier.
18:10Niles,
18:11me,
18:12Daphne,
18:13Leonard Bernstein.
18:17No wonder
18:18you'll throw
18:18that back
18:19in my face.
18:20Kelly.
18:29Oh, hi.
18:30Hi.
18:30I was just
18:31leaving you a note.
18:32I'm really sorry
18:33about lunch.
18:34Oh, it's all right.
18:35You have time
18:35to come in?
18:36Sure.
18:38Good news
18:39is I was able
18:40to move all
18:40of my eggs
18:41over to another lab.
18:42Well, I hope
18:43you didn't put them
18:43all in one basket.
18:44Why does everyone
18:48think that's funny?
18:53What a beautiful
18:54apartment.
18:57Can I interest you
18:57in a glass of
18:59Beaujolais Nouveau?
19:01I'd love some.
19:02All right.
19:03I actually have
19:04something to toast.
19:06My doctorate
19:07advisor has asked me
19:08to join his
19:09team of researchers
19:11going from
19:12The Galapagos Islands.
19:14Well, that does
19:16deserve a toast.
19:18I'm replacing someone
19:20so it's all
19:20very last minute.
19:22We leave in the morning
19:22and I'll be there
19:24for two months
19:25inseminating
19:26indigenous iguanas.
19:27I called all my friends.
19:29They couldn't believe it.
19:31Nor will mine.
19:32Two months.
19:46Hey.
19:49I feel terrible
19:50leaving town
19:51so early
19:51in our relationship.
19:54It's an opportunity
19:55of a lifetime.
19:57Well, and I'll be here
19:58when you return.
20:00We'll always have
20:01one incredible night
20:02to look back
20:02on fondly.
20:05I think we'll be
20:07looking back
20:07on two incredible nights.
20:09Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
20:11It's just one night,
20:12Saturday night.
20:12And then, of course,
20:13Sunday you were...
20:15Oh.
20:17Oh, Ryan.
20:19Ryan.
20:20Ryan.
20:20Oh.
20:40Oh.
20:41Oh.
20:42Oh.
20:43Oh.
20:47Oh.
22:17What was that?
22:30Nothing.
22:31Nothing.
22:32I must have drifted off there.
22:34Oh, what's that noise?
22:40I don't hear anything.
22:41You took a picture of me while I was asleep?
22:50Absolutely not.
22:51So what is this?
22:53Well, this is it.
22:56You're going away present.
22:57Oh, my God.
22:59You're disgusting.
23:00Oh, no, Kelly.
23:01Kelly, please, listen.
23:02You don't...
23:02I don't...
23:03You don't understand.
23:03Please, please.
23:04No, listen.
23:05Get out.
23:06Oh, get out.
23:08All right.
23:09Get out.
23:09All right.
23:10You know, you think being a professional Molly, you might be a little more relaxed about somebody
23:15taking you...
23:15Kelly, don't you think we should talk about this?
23:22I won't see you again for two months.
23:23You won't see me again for a lot longer than that.
23:26Kelly.
23:27What?
23:28It wasn't enough just to tell people you bagged a model?
23:30You had to take a picture?
23:32No.
23:32What were you planning to do with it?
23:34Sell it to the tabloids?
23:35No.
23:36Pass it around the office?
23:37Show it to all your friends?
23:38No, no.
23:39Just my immediate family.
23:43I'm taking the stairs.
23:44Kelly.
23:46Kelly.
23:46Kelly.
23:49Kelly.
23:57Well, you missed her again.
24:01She's running down the stairs.
24:02You can catch her if you still want.
24:07We believe you, Frasier.
24:09Now, let's just get your robe all cinched up and get your back and stop it.
24:15Don't patronize me.
24:17Oh, look.
24:18Look.
24:20Two wine glasses.
24:22Oh, yes.
24:23One for you, one for her.
24:25That proves it's all right.
24:27I am not crazy.
24:37I am dating a supermodel zoologist.
24:43Whom I stole away from a professional football player.
24:48And she is off to the Galapagos Islands to artificially inseminate iguanas.
24:54It's just so hard to believe.
25:01Frasier, I'm woman.
25:03Oh, look.
25:04A crowd.
25:05Where were you all hiding?
25:07Under the bed?
25:08You know, it makes me sick to think I even spent one night with you, let alone two.
25:14I have known a lot of reptiles and looked under a lot of rocks in my life.
25:19But I have never seen anything slither out quite as slimy and repulsive as you.
25:26I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:27I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:28I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:29I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:30I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:31I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:32I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:33I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:34I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:35I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:36I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:37I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:38I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:39I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:40I have never seen anything slither out of my life.
25:41Well, what do you think of me now?
26:11Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs. Oh my. And maybe I seem a bit confused. Well, maybe. But I got you pegged. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:28But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs. They're calling again. Good night, everybody.