- 5/19/2025
Frasier Season 5 Episode 4 The Kid
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TVTranscript
00:00Oh, Roz, how are you?
00:18Still pregnant.
00:22Look, I'm sorry about last night.
00:28I tried to apologize, but you ran out of the party so fast.
00:32Oh, I'm sorry. Was that rude?
00:35You know more about etiquette than I do.
00:37What is the proper length of time you should stay after someone announces to a hundred strangers that you got knocked up?
00:47I tried to call.
00:49I know, I wasn't answering.
00:51I was up all night thinking about what I want to do.
00:53Look, yes, I suppose a decision of that magnitude would take many sleepless...
00:59I'm having the baby.
01:01...hours to make.
01:06Are you sure, Roz?
01:08I know it seems quick, but even when I was hoping I wasn't pregnant, I knew if I was, I was keeping the baby.
01:16Well, then let me be the first to congratulate you.
01:20Oh, thanks.
01:21Oh, Roz.
01:23Oh, God, it's so wonderful. You're going to make a great mom.
01:26Oh, well, I did the first step pretty well, and I wasn't even trying.
01:32So, have you told the father?
01:34Yes. I called him at 9 o'clock this morning, which was 7 o'clock at night, Cairo time.
01:43Is that a pertinent fact? You're just trying to dazzle me with your command of time zones.
01:49Yes, he's gone to Cairo. He's working on a project. He's an architect.
01:53Oh, wow. Really? Wow.
01:56When's he coming back?
01:57He isn't.
01:58But that's perfectly fine with me. I'm absolutely comfortable raising this child by myself.
02:07And I'm sure everybody around here will give you plenty of support.
02:12So, Roz, here's the proud papa. You got it narrowed down yet?
02:17It's nice. Very nice.
02:21Frasier, would you excuse us?
02:22Yes, of course.
02:24Just remember the baby's future, Roz.
02:26Try to make it look like an accident.
02:28Look, I was just kidding.
02:32I'm sure you probably know who the dad is.
02:35Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
02:39Do you remember Janet's party a couple of months ago?
02:43You got really drunk, and I drove you home.
02:51Yeah? What about it?
02:53Well, you invited me up, and I guess I'd had a few myself, because the next thing I know...
02:59Well, no, no, no, I don't believe this.
03:01I don't even remember it's...
03:03Oh, calm down, boy, Bob.
03:04No, no, no, come on, please. Just tell me you're joking.
03:06Look, we don't have to get married right away.
03:08Oh, man.
03:09Oh, man.
03:12I thought you'd be happy about this.
03:15I mean, we were wonderful together.
03:18When you made love to me, you were so tender and caring.
03:21Ha! Oh, whoa! Whoa! Ha!
03:24Tender and caring?
03:26No way was that me!
03:27Dad, you almost had me.
03:31Good one, Ryan.
03:37Someone at the door.
03:39Really? So that's what that funny, chiming sound means.
03:44I'm a little indisposed here, would you mind?
03:46Oh, sure. Sorry, Dad.
03:48Hang on, she's coming.
03:52You take it easy.
03:54Rest up for that big trek to the dinner table.
03:56Hello, Dr. Crane.
04:01Daphne, before I even come in, I just have to say I am mortified about my behavior last night.
04:07I honestly, I don't know what got into me.
04:10About a quart of vodka, for starters.
04:15There's no need for an apology.
04:18I felt what you did was very chivalrous.
04:21Well, I happen to believe that if a woman finds herself in such a predicament,
04:25a man of honor has an obligation to step up and do the right thing.
04:29And now Paul Ross really is in that predicament.
04:33Do I smell chicken?
04:36Yes, now.
04:38We'll be serving dinner just as soon as Ross gets here.
04:41I didn't think she should be alone this evening.
04:43How's she doing?
04:44Well, I guess it's okay, considering she's decided to have the child herself.
04:50Boy, things have sure changed since my day.
04:54Back then, if a girl got in trouble, her family would just ship her off to relatives in another state.
05:01And if anybody asked, it's lied and said she went to Europe.
05:04Then when she came back, they'd raise the baby as a little sister.
05:07You know, I'd always assumed I'd have children, but if Maris and I don't reconcile soon, the issue will be moot.
05:24She's a tad older than I am, and her biological clock is winding down a bit.
05:29Luckily, she flies to Zurich twice a year to have it reset.
05:32You know, babies are wonderful, but Ross does have a rough road ahead of her.
05:44Well, it can never be easy balancing a career with motherhood.
05:47Well, the big question is where's she going to find a husband?
05:50I mean, a little kid needs a mother and a father.
05:54That's Ross.
05:55Now, just remember, she came here tonight to have a relaxing dinner,
05:59and not to be reminded of the difficult situation that she's in.
06:03We'll just take our cue from her.
06:06If she doesn't bring it up, we won't discuss it.
06:08Agreed?
06:08All right.
06:09Yeah.
06:10Daphne, you may answer the door.
06:16Wow.
06:20Why don't I just get a feather duster and a French maid's uniform?
06:24That would teach them, wouldn't it, Daphne?
06:26And I would pick it out for you.
06:29Hello, Ross.
06:33Hi, Ross.
06:34Hi, Ross.
06:36Dinner's almost ready.
06:37You just make yourself comfortable, all right?
06:39Okay.
06:47So.
06:52That's such a cute skirt.
06:54Thanks.
06:55I just got it.
06:59I just got these pants.
07:10They're nice.
07:11I got some interesting news last night.
07:21Well, I and a large portion of Seattle found out I was pregnant.
07:28Don't you guys want to ask me about it?
07:29Yes, of course we do, but we were told not to.
07:33Yeah, Frasier's afraid we might say something to make you uncomfortable.
07:37Oh, that's silly.
07:38I want to talk about it.
07:40I'm really excited.
07:41I'm going to be a mom.
07:43I've got a lot to do.
07:44I'll tell you one thing I got to get pronto.
07:46A husband?
07:47I was going to say a bigger apartment.
07:53Oh.
07:56Well, maybe the husband will have one.
07:58So, how did the father take it when you told him?
08:05Don't worry.
08:06She brought it up.
08:07Well, actually, he took it very well.
08:10He's not going to be that involved, though.
08:12He moved to Cairo.
08:13Where would he have moved to if he'd taken it badly?
08:15No, he's working in Cairo on a project.
08:23He's an archaeologist.
08:24Oh.
08:25Fras, why don't we get you something to drink?
08:29Oh, all right.
08:30Do you have any mineral water?
08:31I have eight kinds.
08:32Come and pick one for yourself.
08:34Yeah, he's got room for eight different kinds of water in that fridge,
08:37and I have to keep my can of spray cheese under the sink.
08:43No.
08:45This morning, you told me the father was an architect.
08:49I did?
08:50Oh, well, that was a slip of the tongue.
08:53Ah.
08:53Yeah.
08:55And how did you two meet again?
08:57In a bar.
08:58This morning, you told me he was on a double date.
09:01Oh, that's right.
09:02It was.
09:03It was on a double date.
09:04This morning, you told me nothing.
09:10What is going on, Roz?
09:11You're obviously hiding something.
09:13Miles.
09:15Please.
09:16Would you excuse us?
09:17Oh, by all means, I just came in to open a bottle of wine.
09:20Sorry.
09:24All right, what's going on?
09:25Is it that you don't know who the father is?
09:27Of course I know.
09:30Well, then why don't you tell me?
09:31Because I haven't even told him yet.
09:35Oh.
09:36And I'm not sure I'm going to tell him.
09:40It's a little complicated.
09:42Roz, look, I don't care who the father is, but the man has a right to know that he's going
09:46to have a child.
09:47Frazier, this really isn't any of your business.
09:49Yes, well, it's certainly his business.
09:53You have an obligation to let this man know that you're having his baby.
09:57Niles, do you mind?
10:01It's impossible to have a private conversation with you constantly eavesdropping.
10:05I don't know what you two are talking about, but I resent the implication that I have nothing
10:09better to do than spy on you like a nosy teenager.
10:12I came in for a corkscrew.
10:15Oh, Niles, I'm sorry.
10:21All I could get was she hasn't told the father.
10:28Double latte, please.
10:30Coming right up.
10:31I'll bring you to your table.
10:35Morning, Roz.
10:36Frazier, what are you doing here?
10:39Oh, I realize it must be quite a shock to find me here in this place that I come to
10:44every day of my life.
10:46You had a dental appointment.
10:48Yes, well, I rescheduled it for tomorrow.
10:51Thanks for telling me.
10:53What's going on?
10:54All right.
10:55I came here to talk to him.
10:57Really?
10:58Yes.
10:58Really?
10:59Wow, I'm proud of you.
11:01Well, thank you very much.
11:01I'm getting out of here.
11:02All right, all right, just a second.
11:04May I have that to go, please?
11:05Oh, sure, Dr. Crank.
11:07Hey, Roz, how are you doing?
11:08Good, Rick, you?
11:10Great.
11:11Well, what can I get you?
11:12I'll have a decaf, thanks.
11:14Be right back.
11:17He's a nice kid, Rick.
11:19Yes, he is.
11:20Working here to put himself through school.
11:22Yes, he is.
11:23He's a father, isn't he?
11:24Yes, he is.
11:25The father of your child is a teenager.
11:41Well, of course he is not a teenager anymore.
11:45He had a birthday three weeks ago.
11:48Look, you know, we just went out for a couple of weeks, and then it was over.
11:52There were no hard feelings.
11:55It's a little embarrassing, though, him being seven years younger than I am.
11:59Oh, put your eyebrows down.
12:03I've seen your driver's license, and you don't weigh no one seven.
12:10Now you know what I'm talking about.
12:12I don't want to ruin his whole life.
12:15He still has a right to know.
12:17I know that.
12:19It's not going to be easy.
12:22Yes.
12:22When you were a junior in college, if a woman came to you and told you she was carrying your child,
12:28wouldn't you have been devastated?
12:30In my case, I would have been mystified.
12:35God, how do I even begin to tell him?
12:37Yeah, as well, with something like that, it's never easy.
12:40So, Ross, what made you switch to decaf?
12:43Well, again, sometimes a natural opening does present itself.
12:47I was just trying to stay healthy.
12:49Listen, Rick, I tried to call you this morning, and your number wasn't working.
12:53Oh, I'm not in the dorms anymore.
12:55Really?
12:55Did you get your own place?
12:57No, I moved back in with my parents.
13:01Richard, isn't that your dad waving to you over there?
13:04Oh, yeah, right.
13:04I think my dad's over there waving to me.
13:07Oh, my dad's over there waving.
13:10Excuse me.
13:13So, you look incredible.
13:17I do.
13:18Yeah.
13:19So, Dad, what brings you here?
13:22Oh, Sherry took her sister to that store across the street to buy some foundation garments.
13:28I think they call them bras now.
13:31Not these, you know.
13:34You could cross the river quiet on one of those babies.
13:40So, I have something to tell you.
13:42Oh, I've got some news, too.
13:45Do you remember me telling you about that junior year abroad program?
13:49Oh.
13:49I'm in.
13:51I am leaving next week and spending the rest of the year in Paris.
13:55Congratulations.
13:55I'm so happy for you.
13:57Thanks.
13:57It's like, first my soccer team wins the championship, then I ace my finals, and now I'm going to Paris.
14:04I'm starting to think, what's next?
14:06Bunny, you should ask.
14:13I'm telling you, there's something in my eye.
14:15I don't see anything.
14:16Are you sure?
14:18I don't see anything.
14:19Well, you're not even looking.
14:21Oh, all right.
14:22I'll look.
14:22Oh, don't touch him.
14:23Don't touch him.
14:27Look, Dad, I've got to go talk to Ross.
14:30Just go to the man's room and rinse it out with cold water, all right?
14:33Oh, yeah.
14:34Well, I'm really glad I worked all those extra shifts to put you through medical school.
14:37It really paid off.
14:45Ross?
14:46Don't worry.
14:47I told him.
14:48How did he take it?
14:50Well, he was pretty freaked out, actually.
14:53But I assured him that I didn't need anything from him and that I was going to raise this baby by myself.
15:00Anyway, he's going to be fine.
15:03Oh, my God.
15:04I'm late for a doctor's appointment.
15:06Are you all right?
15:07Yeah.
15:08Guess so.
15:09Can I take you to dinner tonight?
15:11Oh, thank you, Frazier.
15:13That would be nice.
15:13Okay.
15:14I'll see you later.
15:15Okay.
15:15All right.
15:16Bye.
15:19Boy, I can't stand these yuppie joints.
15:22Some bozo went through the bathroom correcting all the grammar and the graffiti with a red pen.
15:28Yes, I noticed.
15:29Yeah.
15:30Who'd have that much time on his hands?
15:32Unbelievable.
15:33It was Niles, wasn't it?
15:34I'll talk to him again.
15:41It's open, Frazier.
15:42I'm sorry.
15:47I probably should have called first.
15:49No, that's all right.
15:51I'm just surprised to see you.
15:54I'm a little surprised to be here myself.
15:56Well, come in.
16:01Thanks.
16:06These are for you.
16:09There was a card, but it kind of blew off on my way over.
16:12I rode my bike.
16:13I acted like an idiot today.
16:18No, it's okay.
16:19No, it's not.
16:20I mean, when you told me, all I could think about was myself and how it was going to affect me.
16:26Well, once I calmed down, I started thinking about you and the, uh, uh, baby.
16:38So, that's the other reason I'm here.
16:40I'm not going to Paris.
16:44I'm quitting school.
16:46I'm going to work at the cafe full time.
16:50So, you've come to tell me you've lost your mind.
16:54No.
16:55I came here to ask you to marry me.
16:59Oh, Rick.
17:02That's so wrong.
17:04Oh, yeah.
17:08That's right.
17:10Roz, will you marry me?
17:12No, no.
17:13The proposal was fine.
17:15It was absolutely lovely.
17:16It's just that we, we can't.
17:17No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, please.
17:19Don't say no yet.
17:21Listen, I have been thinking about this all afternoon.
17:28And I could fall in love with you.
17:32I could be a good husband.
17:34A good father.
17:37Rick, that's the whole point of being 20.
17:41You could be anything.
17:44I'm much older than you are.
17:46I am things.
17:49I know what you're saying, but I'm not too young for this.
17:54You know, my mom was only 17 when she had me.
17:57Your mother's only 37 years old?
17:59Yeah.
18:00Yeah.
18:04And would you two hit it off?
18:10I mean, you guys have a lot in common.
18:14You know, I actually do sort of even look like...
18:15Stop, right there.
18:19Listen.
18:21Your proposal was...
18:23was so sweet.
18:27It's my first one, actually.
18:29Mine too.
18:29I hope that you can understand why I can't possibly marry you.
18:39When I get married, it's going to be to someone I love.
18:43And someone who loves me.
18:46And someone who can legally drink champagne at my wedding.
18:50Okay.
18:56I understand.
19:00So is this me?
19:01Yeah, this is the sonogram picture.
19:03I got it this morning.
19:05Right there.
19:06Wow.
19:07That dot's my kid.
19:09No, that dot's just a dot.
19:11That dot's your kid.
19:14You can have it if you want.
19:18Yeah, and I can send you photos, updates, that sort of thing, if you like.
19:24I would like that.
19:26Yeah, very much.
19:30Roz, are you sure?
19:31Yeah, I'm sure.
19:33I think this is the right thing for you and for me.
19:40Now go.
19:42Go to Paris.
19:44Go learn.
19:45Go have fun.
19:46Just don't come back wearing a beret.
20:01Okay.
20:08Take care of yourself.
20:09You, too.
20:30I said go.
20:32But I just got here.
20:34I'm sorry, Frasier.
20:40Come in.
20:49I ran into Rick in the hall.
20:52Yeah.
20:53He asked me to marry him.
20:56I said no.
20:59I was very sweet of him.
21:00Oh, I was just making some tea.
21:03You want some?
21:04Yeah, sure.
21:04Thanks.
21:05With milk, please.
21:10Well, you've had quite a day, haven't you?
21:14You all right?
21:15I'm fine.
21:18You know, it's okay to not be fine.
21:20Well, is it okay just to be okay?
21:23Yeah, sure.
21:26Thanks, Rob.
21:29Oh, oh, this milk's expired.
21:32Oh, whoa.
21:34It has.
21:35It's all right.
21:35I can drink the tea straight.
21:36I had no idea I'd let this milk expire.
21:43It's really all right, Rob.
21:46I can't take this.
21:49Damn it.
21:50I'd only let this happen.
21:53Are we still talking about the milk?
21:58Don't you see?
22:00Milk is a staple.
22:02I let a staple go bad.
22:05Good mothers don't let stables go bad.
22:08How can I be responsible for a child when I can't even keep fresh milk in the house?
22:13Kids need milk.
22:17Rob, if it helps, kids don't even drink milk for the first year.
22:21Oh, see?
22:22I didn't even know that.
22:25I didn't know that either until I was a parent.
22:29Don't you understand?
22:32I have to know everything.
22:33You could know half of everything.
22:36You could know about the milk.
22:37Lilith could know about the booties and the snugglies.
22:40You never met Lilith, did you?
22:49Just forget the milk and forget the tea.
22:53Talk to me.
22:54I don't even know where to start.
22:58Everything in my life is about to change.
23:01My body, my love life.
23:03Yes, but it's also going to change in fantastic ways.
23:10I remember the first night I brought Frederick home from the hospital.
23:16You put this tiny thing into a tiny little band.
23:20And you look around and you realize that the entire house has changed.
23:31I know.
23:33I want that.
23:35But God, the responsibility.
23:37You get to share your life with a remarkable little creature who only lives in the present, runs around naked without the slightest bit of shame,
23:58and can entertain himself for hours just staring at a shining object.
24:04Isn't that wonderful?
24:04Isn't that bulldog?
24:12Well, technically, yes.
24:16Roz, I'm going to tell you something I didn't find out until I became a father.
24:24You don't just love your children.
24:30You fall in love with them.
24:34It's that same rush, that same overwhelming desire to see them, to hold them, bore other people to tears with every detail about them.
24:48Oh, my God.
24:53I'm going to have a baby.
24:58Someone is going to call out for mom.
25:01It's going to be me.
25:05I'm really scared.
25:07What if I can't do this by myself?
25:12But, Roz, you're not all by yourself.
25:17I'm here.
25:19Oh, thank you, Ray.
25:21And I'll be available for you in whatever way you wish, from taking you out to dinner tonight to that moment in the delivery room.
25:32You say, welcome to the world, little Jimmy or little Sally.
25:38Dare I help little Frasier?
25:40Oh, my God.
25:41I think I'm going to be sick.
25:43I guess I got a little carried away.
25:45No, I mean, I'm going to hurl.
25:46Oh, dear God.
25:48I'll wait here.
25:53Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:59Quite stylish.
26:02And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:05Well, maybe.
26:06But I got you pegged.
26:08Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:10But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:18They're calling again.
26:21Good night!
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