The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 1 Episode 5
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00:00I
00:01Love you. Night night
00:05I have to tell you the tea that's what I have on this weekend. All right, I'll take my popcorn
00:13Exhausting is it drama
00:16Always who do you think started it?
00:19It sucked the pictures looked good. I saw well don't believe everything you see on social media, I guess
00:25Why did it suck?
00:27Whitney, why don't you like Taylor?
00:30I'm not the freaking swinger here. I'm not the one that's going around trying to seduce other people's husbands. Well, I don't work anything
00:35I'm glad I told him you little twat
00:39What the fuck are you talking about
00:42It was just a shit show a lot of hurtful things were said and a lot of hurtful things were brought up
00:47Like did it change your relationships with them? It did make me question a couple things
00:52It turned into an absolute bloodbath
00:55like everyone's attacking me like coming at me like you said this about this person and
00:59Demi comes up and just starts
01:02Attacking out of freaking nowhere. She's not your friend. I'm like shit. In fact are any of those girls your friend?
01:07No fucking shit. Yeah, they're absolutely not fake
01:09I don't even know like do I even want to be close with anyone like you get all these girls together and you hear that
01:14They're like saying the all these things behind your back. There's a reason I'm like as scared as I am
01:19Yes, you're my only friend
01:21It was just the icing on the cake I was like she found out after the girls trip mom talk is very fractured at the moment
01:27I don't think anyone knows where we stand and I don't know how we fix things. You've got to decide how to move forward
01:51I
02:21Love we're just all going to swig at 3 p.m. Together. I know I just need my Mormon crack
02:27Exactly to me Whitney was here
02:31No
02:34No, really
02:40The girls trip was a bit of a mess so at this point I feel a little bit more comfortable because I feel like I'm
02:46Comfortable with Layla and Jesse. Okay, definitely a fruity pebbles a fruity pebbles rice. Yeah
02:54Could I do a 32 ounce, Texas tab
02:58Utah is like land of the Mormon bar, which are all the soda shops that we have. There's one on every corner
03:03We don't drink alcohol or do drugs. And so it's kind of our vice
03:10My soda order is a little bit of a mess
03:14My soda order is very specific. I'm gonna do a
03:1944 ounce spider and did you want that was sparkling or flat water clean please sparkling water
03:2444 ounce sparkling water with sugar-free coconut sugar-free vanilla sugar-free raspberry sugar-free pineapple and coconut cream
03:33Chef's kiss. Can I do a bloody wild add coconut cream six out of the seven days of the week?
03:39I'm having at least one 44 outside. Yeah, so 44 ounce and I drink it and like an hour
03:45I'm probably only gonna live to like 50 but makes me happy. I love that. You've got a race
03:53Send a picture
03:54On your story. Have you guys talked about that situation? No, you think she's gonna come to your divorce party on Thursday?
04:02Whitney doesn't come to anything that's uncomfortable
04:05So no, like she didn't come to that one shower
04:08We're supposedly friends. So if she doesn't come on Thursday just because you I'd be like
04:12Grow up and mom talk right now. It's a little bit awkward, but I'm really excited for this divorce party
04:19I invited all the girls all of their husbands a couple of my other friends even Whitney
04:24I wish even got your voice memo. Do you think she blocked you? I don't know if she blocked my number
04:28I know she's blocked me on everything else. I would not be surprised. She leaves the group message blocks you on tik-tok box on Instagram
04:32Why wouldn't she do that? Yeah, the Queen Bee has officially left the group chat. I
04:40Can't say I'm shocked because Whitney makes very dramatic decisions based off of emotion
04:45But I am a little shocked at the same time because it was a very public fuck you to all of us
04:50She didn't tell anyone she was doing it, but she did it because she wanted us to see it
04:54I think she wanted to ruffle some feathers and I think she wanted to see who was gonna check on her afterwards
04:59I'm done
05:01No, babe, first of all, don't run away
05:05Second of all an apology would be nice when you do something. Well, it was like a breakthrough moment
05:09It could have been gone the other way, but instead it was worse because she couldn't own up to it
05:13Yeah, if you have a problem with me or you're upset with me
05:15It's your responsibility to come to me and I don't want to cater to the victim mentality
05:20I really don't we've seen enough of that with her that I'm like, I don't want to be that person
05:24That's constantly like Oh Whitney. You left the group chat. Oh Whitney. You blocked me. There's so much rage
05:29I'm like, you know those places that you go there like the rage rooms. Oh, we know cuz I would love that
05:34Is that a real thing? Yes, we could literally go like axe throwing or like a rager. We're like paintballing
05:38Yeah, something to just get our aggression out. Should I invite Whitney?
05:47Because think about it if you were to invite us all where would you put it the group message?
05:51She chose to leave that. Yeah
05:53I also feel like Taylor and Whitney both have these like
05:56dominant alpha
05:57personalities and it's kind of been a power struggle of who's Queen B of the group and now that Whitney's left the chat and
06:03Taylors like doesn't really care. Are you our new Queen B?
06:06At times I'm like the voice of the group like mark cuz you're willing to say uncomfortable things. Yeah
06:12Yeah, I look around and I'm like anyone else when you were like does anyone yeah, but to be honest
06:17I do think you would be a better leader
06:20Sure, not true sure
06:23Because Whitney's the type that like manipulates Taylor really doesn't care she was just kind of put not position
06:28I'm just here at this point. Yes
06:30To like have a backbone and be our spokesperson
06:33I don't necessarily need to be the Queen B or the leader per se
06:38however, if mom talk is to survive, I do think that we need someone to come in and
06:44Lead the group in a sense of what we want mom talk to be and kind of bring it back to why it was
06:49Originally started in the first place and I think that I could definitely get the job done
06:53Whitney wants it so bad that it's just like yeah, it's cringy
06:57Yeah, and like if she's a true follower of Christ you seek to understand people and you forgive and you move forward
07:03Yeah, and maybe she's not there right now. I think she's stubborn. I'm over it. Absolutely
07:08You're the new leader of our cult
07:13Oh
07:25More more more more you want to do the zebra again?
07:30What's up
07:33Hey, what are you doing?
07:35trying to make
07:36homemade animal crackers
07:39You with the kids
07:41After the girls trip for my birthday weekend because it was so bad definitely want to talk to Whitney about it
07:46I don't make sure she feels loved and supported but sometimes she's a loose cannon and I just can't predict her next move
07:52Out of curiosity. How do you feel about like the whole mom top group? What do you mean? Like what?
07:58Should we try to get the band together?
08:02Let's be honest
08:04Have we all ever really been genuine real friends or has there always been an agenda has there always been some sort of transaction needed
08:14We didn't meet each other on social media really but we met on social media would you not hang out with me?
08:22Yeah, that's different I thought you were meaning like as a whole group
08:30It was very transactional and then the swinger drama happened and I feel like
08:35we're like the ones who are more authentic and stuff but
08:38And like wanting to be a friend and not just like an acquaintance. I don't think we're friends. I
08:45Feel like everyone's competitive against each other
08:48Gets easily jealous of each other rude to each other. Like that's not what?
08:52Real friends do to each other. I mean, it's a mutual. I don't even feel like anybody wants to fucking be my friend right now
08:58Like I don't sorry
09:00Thank you, I
09:02Feel like I'm trying to convince Whitney to make amends with everyone because I love her
09:06We're great friends
09:07You said like when you went to Hawaii that like you just needed to get away like when everything's get hard
09:12You just kind of like want to leave. I think Whitney tries to act like she doesn't care
09:16But in reality she cares more than anyone mom talk does need Whitney
09:20I think she's a big part of it and I think things could get better if we could all just come together
09:24Maybe have a come to Jesus a little kumbaya hug and kiss whatever. I don't know but
09:30I do feel like there's a way we can make amends. I'm not gonna force anyone to fuck
09:34To effing listen to me. So what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna walk away. I'm gonna walk away cuz it's not worth it
09:44Honestly, I'm just so hurt about how that girl's trip went down that I just I don't even think I can think clearly right now
09:51I don't think there would be a mom talk if I wasn't there. I
09:55Have to go but I love you. Let me know if you need anything
09:58Okay, I love you, bye
10:10I definitely feel responsible for the divide that has happened
10:15Amongst mom talk because I didn't invite half the girls for my baby blessing
10:20so I'm inviting Taylor and Dakota over to my house to
10:25Hopefully fix that and make sure that I do value our friendship. Oh, she's your house always this clean. I
10:32Live it. Oh, I have a way bad OCD. He's not a nice person if the house isn't clean. Oh my gosh
10:37It's just so cute and small
10:40I think I'm probably like four weeks away from delivering at this point and
10:44Especially after a crazy week for mom talk like the girls and the stress
10:48I feel very overwhelmed and
10:50It's now messing with my pregnancy and I feel like I need to take a step back. So that's one thing
10:54I don't want to tolerate and it's unfair to my baby. I can't even process it. How do you excited or how do you feel?
11:01Oh, I'm so excited
11:02So today Zach and Jen have this crash course for Dakota to learn everything about a newborn
11:08Although I think Dakota is gonna be a great dad
11:11I don't think he understands how hard it actually is going to be everybody always talks about the beginning part and how you don't sleep
11:19It's pretty rough. Yeah, it's pretty
11:21Yeah, what are you most nervous about? Oh, um, I
11:25Don't know. He has no idea what's coming. You know how to make a bottle
11:30No, let him hold the baby while he makes the bottle. Can you do that?
11:32Yeah, you help Dakota prepare to become a new dad
11:37we're going to show him how to make a bottle how to change a diaper and how to
11:44Suction boogers out of baby's nose. You got to make the bottle and be able to hold the baby at the same time
11:49Okay, we got to make this like realistic. He's probably crying at this point
11:54You're probably freaking out. Yes, you're rocking him
12:00Put in two scoops
12:13Oh
12:25Okay, I mean you've changed a diaper though, right? Yeah
12:36Can I let go of a leg or kind of I kind of try to like
12:43We're almost done buddy, we made it
12:48Okay, sorry, I don't know how the best method of doing this part
12:59Okay, and then this thing I suck in on right that's the ultimate test it's sucking snot out of Lucas nose
13:10And then you'll put this right
13:13So crazy to me
13:16All right, we're going in. I
13:19Was given for not knowing anything. Give him a beat
13:30Okay, I'm a stir up
13:31That is just mind-blowing to me
13:34I don't know if anyone's giving you like a heads up
13:36But like not only is your wife gonna be like super tired for the next couple months, but like girlfriend my wife
13:44Your wife
13:46But then you yeah, you can't like time
13:50I think Dakota is gonna be a great dad and we can see like we both want the same things
13:56But he wants marriage right now. You can't be intimate for like the next like three or four months, right?
14:02No, that's what Taylor was telling having this baby out of wedlock may not be ideal in our religion
14:08but I'm not gonna be pressured by
14:11Dakota my parents my family my religion for something. I'm just not ready to do
14:31Touching up tattoos. Yes, and I make it one more. Okay, just a little dainty guy though
14:40Today
14:46Today I'm going to get my tattoos touched up and covered up
14:49I have two little dots on my ankle that signify just me and clay in our marriage and I'm excited to be able to turn
14:56A new leaf to be able to celebrate the fact that I'm getting a divorce and make light of something
15:00That's already really hard. Why does everyone get so many tattoos during a divorce?
15:04I don't know. It's so chewy
15:08Even though it's not a common thing for us Mormons to maybe be at a tattoo parlor
15:13I will do anything for Laila. Honestly, it's courageous of her to
15:18Walk away from a marriage, especially being LDS and with everything that's going on with mom talk and all the drama
15:25I stand by her wanting to do what's best for her. I
15:29Think I want to get something for my sister. Are you super close to her? No
15:33We're just so damn busy both of our lives and she's about to get married this year
15:37I just feel like we just miss each other in life. Sometimes I feel like right now
15:40I'm hoping that this tattoo will be like, okay, like I see you. I hope you see me. Yes
15:45Yeah
15:45Hopefully we can like start to like be a little bit closer because like I don't have a close relationship like honestly any of my
15:50Family that sucks and that's like sometimes why I feel like maybe I did rush into the marriage with clay because I craved
15:56That family that I never had security
15:59Growing up. I did not have a strong family structure in the slightest
16:03I felt always just out of place at home finding the church gave me a sense of belonging and just direction in my life
16:10But I got married when I was 19. We had a shotgun wedding because we got pregnant
16:15We felt like it was the right thing to do. We had a lot of people
16:18Giving their opinions. We already messed up the steps that like are normally
16:23encouraged in the church, so at least we had to do like one thing right by getting married and
16:28I just don't think we ever had a very healthy
16:31Relationship. Honestly, I've been having this idea that I think I should throw some type of like death to divorce
16:38Party and like everyone wear like black like funeral vibes
16:41Yeah, like just to kind of celebrate me stepping into this new chapter of my life. I'll help me girls
16:46That's all I need I can see you coming into the next phase of your life and I'm excited for you
16:51Not that it's like this huge thing
16:53But what's your plan with dating?
16:54Are you putting it on pause and just kind of focusing on yourself?
16:57Or are you like time to find my man?
16:59I honestly just gonna take it day by day if somehow I end up meeting my person throughout that awesome
17:05That's great. I want that happy life
17:08I've always wanted but I just don't want to rush at this time. I feel like so many times I rush things
17:13Yeah, and then I get in situations like with clay when I'm like, holy shit. Like how did I yeah, I'm here
17:19You don't need to feel guilty or feel shame around getting divorced
17:22I'm not just saying that because I'm sitting here as a divorced woman
17:25But truly like that's what's so beautiful about
17:28Life in general is you have the power of choice and if that wasn't serving you and that didn't work out
17:34It's not the end of the world
17:36Within mom talk. We obviously have this built-in sisterhood and at this time
17:40I feel like Layla really needs us to come together and support her
17:44Unfortunately, it is very culturally normal to stay in a relationship in the Mormon Church
17:49Strictly to just make the marriage work
17:51I think that Layla is definitely breaking the traditional norm in that sense and I commend her for that. It's not easy to do
17:58Divorce is hard. I'm starting like this new part of my life and like it doesn't have to all be so sad
18:05Glad I got my girls. I love you. Let me see the tattoo. Yes
18:10You
18:19A
18:25Sling and smash some shit. Yeah, we have some rage. Are we in the right place?
18:32Hello everyone, I think the group relationships that were maybe a little bit
18:37Rocky or maybe more stable because we are all seeing similar things
18:42Whitney is not talking to any of us, but I think that the purpose of mom talk is
18:48Incredible and I don't want to let one person ruin the fun
18:51So today we are going to just throw some paint at the walls and just have a blast
18:57I don't want to worry until I look like I'm going to jail too bad. Taylor's not here
19:01She could have worn the orange one
19:18I like having a great time, but Whitney herself is not there and it makes me feel really sad
19:29There you go, okay
19:35I just show you this picture
19:37That I saw on social media
19:39Layla, Macy, Mikaela, Demi, Jessie. It looks like a paint splatter place. It didn't look like you or Taylor were invited
19:47No, cuz I wasn't invited. Oh, why what didn't she get invited or maybe she did
19:51She's pregnant. Like maybe they were like she's pregnant. I don't know. That's fair, but I'm not pregnant even though I'd like to be
20:06Well, why do you think you didn't get invited in the first place I ain't get invited because I left the group chat
20:11Oh
20:14Yeah, I forgot yeah, I just think it's so funny like Macy called me and she was like we're making things so dramatic again
20:22And I'm like, what what are we making so dramatic? She's like you leaving the group chat now
20:26Everyone's calling me asking me why you left the group chat. I'm like
20:29No one called me. You could have called me
20:32Take a minute
20:39If somebody left that group chat, I would immediately call them I would immediately text them and say is everything okay
20:48I'm not saying that's why I did it
20:50I'm not saying I left the group chat so somebody could reach out to me and ask me how I was doing
20:54I left the group chat because I wanted space. I have a message for a witness
21:03It's no secret obviously I care about what people think about me and it's almost like I feel like people take advantage of that
21:10They know that I'm going to care
21:12So let me make sure that I post a picture on social media and make sure that Whitney's gonna see it
21:17Like I like those are the thoughts that go in my mind. This is exhausting
21:21I
21:31Mom talk has really helped me grow so fast. I'm launching a business called baby
21:36Mama, it is a line of natal supplements for women who are going through their motherhood journey
21:41I am the breadwinner in my household and I crave like success. Oh my goodness. What made you want to do it?
21:48Just like I think even doing IVF because I saw this
21:52Same-sex couple with their surrogate and I was like, oh, that's like their baby mama like it's like in my head
21:57I'm like, wait, that's a cute name
21:59I'm like technically whoever's carrying the baby's kind of like your baby mama
22:01So we're doing a photo shoot for it showing that it's for mothers and their motherhood journey and I invited Taylor
22:07She's been disconnecting from the group lately and I really want to bring her back in and make her feel comfortable
22:12She's also pregnant which is perfect for my brand. So it's a win-win
22:15I
22:22Did not invite Dakota, I'm not happy that he's here. This is for women number one and number two
22:27He likes to follow Taylor around like a little puppy dog. It's like she can't do anything by herself
22:32That is so cute
22:39There's like a baby in there I like forget sometimes
22:43My boobies are so big right now. Oh my gosh. My boobs are huge. They are your little strap is coming
22:49And remember and I was like you should have a talk with Dakota. Yeah, that's why I brought her today
22:55I'm a little blindsided by Taylor asking me to speak to Dakota at my photo shoot. It's pretty clear
23:01I don't like Dakota and there's also been rumors all over social media that he's cheated on her
23:06Girls are on my tick-tock saying oh, he was just like with my roommate last week or no
23:10Now I'm like, I don't know if I can trust you, you know
23:12Taylor if you found out today that Dakota lied and actually slept with Jenna that night
23:16Would you leave him even though you were having his baby?
23:21100,000% would be dead to me
23:22I love Taylor and I obviously want to be a good friend to her
23:25But I've made it very clear that I do not trust Dakota. I do not want to talk
23:31awkward
23:40It's bad timing, okay, just because I have to help direct I have to focus. Yeah, I can't focus I have to have an intense conversation
23:48Macy and Dakota got heads. So I
23:51Wanted Dakota and Macy to talk because one I love Macy
23:54I think she's a good loyal friend and obviously I love Dakota and want them to see eye to eye because they're they're both just wanting
24:00The best for me, I think and so I don't see why there's like this issue between them
24:05I'm done. I have a conversation, but I feel like we should do it a different time
24:09I think I can come over tomorrow. I have to drop something off to you
24:13Anyways, yeah, I can come to your house if that works. Yeah. Yeah ready for me now
24:18Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it girl
24:21Oh
24:45You look so pretty too
24:47Yeah
24:51Look at my stomach is contracting right now the baby's stressed. She's like, why is this lady touching me?
25:06Like professionally, you know, yeah
25:10I'm like
25:13Dakota is out here trying to get free photos at my photo shoot
25:17He's out here taking his shirt off acting like a weirdo like I paid for this is for my brand like this isn't just some
25:23Like one-off thing just get it nice and close
25:27He's certainly not getting any bonus points of me. So we'll see how this talk goes after Leila's divorce party tomorrow
25:32What if you put your hat backwards like I might like that vibe better
25:39Okay, that's perfect
26:05I
26:07Wanted to celebrate this next chapter of my life and
26:11Make an otherwise super sad thing of divorce a little bit more happy and celebrate it with the people that matter to me most in
26:18life
26:19Just get everyone together and kiss my last name. Goodbye
26:31This is so funny, I was looking everywhere for Leila I was like, where is she?
26:36I look over and I'm like, is she in a freaking coffin? No, she's not
26:40Taylor can't come into here. Oh, she can't even step but she can't set foot in a bar or a club. I
26:46Have never been to a divorce party
26:48I can't say I personally would have thrown a divorce party, but Leila is definitely one of my closest friends
26:55So I'm excited for this new chapter in her life where the F is Leila
26:59I have been here for 30 minutes and I haven't seen her. I have no idea here
27:03So I bet she's gonna make like a grand entrance. Okay, as a she just rips off a wedding gown wedding gown
27:15Oh my gosh, look what the hell is she doing here?
27:25I'm actually surprised to see Whitney here. To be honest, it's very bold of her to show up
27:31Especially after leaving the group chat and not confronting any of us
27:36I'm glad Whitney showed up. I do want to give her a chance to you know
27:40Talk through her feelings and if she's willing to do that, why not?
27:46Whitney and I'm actually I'm surprised she's coming
27:48But I'm also happy that she's not like running away from the group and running away from the issues
27:53She's having with people and that she's making an effort to be a part of the group. I
27:57Feel weird. I feel like everyone's being so weird
28:01Well, yeah, I mean didn't you?
28:04Leave the group chat and everything
28:08Even though the girls trip was an absolute nightmare
28:10I wanted to show up for Leila wanted to support her be there for her
28:14But I was a bit upset because at the girls trip
28:18Jesse had mentioned something Whitney will hear information and she gets close to certain people and we've kind of felt like it's a rotating
28:25door it kind of feels like there's different people that get to be close to Whitney if she
28:29Wants to know the information because it benefits her
28:31That's what the group consensus has been and I want to talk to her and figure out what this is about
28:38Take a picture. Yeah, I want to take a picture, but I
28:42Also want to make sure that I want to greet them
28:47I don't know if I can sit in this. I'm not gonna hi guys. It's a bit tight. She looks very done
28:51And I love that dress
28:54Do you want to open this?
28:59Yeah, I think that is what you can twist these off I know a trick actually sometimes you can just feel perfect
29:13Show those guns, let me try one more time
29:15There's got to be a bottle opener because there's like one on every table. I'm just ripping the table to here. I'll go get one
29:30I
29:47This next chapter I honestly just want to find myself
29:51I feel like I've been through a lot in my life. I've never put my focus into myself
29:56So I truly just want to find what makes me happy and fills my cup up
30:06I'm happy to see Leila so empowered now Leila still so young and I feel like getting divorced so young, too
30:12It's good to see her be in the position to start taking care of herself
30:15I love the veil
30:16It makes me think about with Taylor situation and probably the pressure that she's feeling to get married being pregnant with Dakota's, baby
30:23So I hope she's still taking care of herself as well
30:26Hey, should I go get Joe go get Joe? I want to see you guys interact. I just want to vibe him out
30:31I got good feelers, you know guys leave that poor man alone. Hey Joe, you know Leila, right?
30:38Joe wants to take you out. Oh
30:41This just became a whole group affair. I know not the first time for this group
30:47Well, let you guys get to know each other okay, this is awkward with us
30:53I'm
30:54Ecstatic for her Leila has never had an orgasm and I hope that she never settles for a man that is not willing to
31:01prioritize her happiness and
31:04Pleasure ever again. You look great
31:07Whitney is wondering why Jesse said that comment you know when he was in the closet and
31:11She said you hang out people and use them and then you drop them. So she's on. Yeah
31:17But then she apologized after does she not know?
31:21So clearly she feels that way, yeah, I don't want to know why
31:29Hi baby girl, how you guys doing?
31:37Come with me me. Yeah. Oh
31:41Someone's drinking tonight. I know I got my wine. Okay, so when
31:46When we were at the girls trip and to me basically it attacked me on the ass
31:52Yeah said something like when Whitney gets close to someone they use them and then they move on
31:57Yeah
31:59So from what I've heard from the group and this is all coming from just things I've heard and observed like from everyone
32:05Yeah
32:06You've been really close to Jen and then she's like, oh and then she kind of drops me until she needs something again
32:11Leila said the same thing
32:12Maybe it's not coming from like a vicious place
32:14But it sometimes feels like oh, I'll play with this toy till I get bored and I have a new one
32:19You're having issues with everyone in the group. So for me, I'm like it where there's smoke there's fire
32:22I am not having issues with everyone in the group
32:24Who else am I having an issue with you and Taylor have had issues you and to me are now having issues
32:28It just feels like that keeps happening
32:30The reason fucking me and Demir having issues is because she said a very fucking personal thing in my life before that happened
32:37The whole fight happened. Yes
32:39So what was that it like what triggered that because I feel like you guys
32:42It triggered it because I told Jen how she felt about her. That's what triggered it
32:46See and that's another thing people think is that you're just very quick to tell what people are saying
32:50Yeah
32:51And so it makes it hard to like you like so we can we can call people white trash
32:55Two more money doesn't want to be around you and that's okay
32:58No, I mean when I tell that when I but then why why are we all still like so mad at me?
33:05Nobody yeah, nobody fucking asked me. Yeah. How are you doing? Nobody fucking called me and asked me why I left the group chat
33:15Everybody went to fucking me. See if you have an issue of why I left and fucking call me
33:19Yeah, I feel that this is you leaving the chat was a little passive-aggressive
33:22Was it like a test or like what like no, I if someone would reach out or like what we said
33:27No, it wasn't a test. I didn't want to see it anymore. I wanted out. That was me protecting myself
33:32That was me taking control because last week was was an absolute fucking nightmare. Yeah, I get that I get that
33:37But I also just feel like again you leaving a group chat of all of us
33:41It made all of us feel I guess I just have such a different perspective. If somebody left the group chat
33:45I'd be like, are you okay? And it's what's wrong. You are the person that reaches out. I don't want to anymore. Holy shit
33:51Yeah, you think I'm using you I thought I knew
33:53I
34:01Know that things are tense right now
34:03But I just want you to know that like what I've said and heard about you is based off of opinions of the whole group
34:08Whitney and Jesse are getting it like going at it
34:11Really like Whitney's crying. I'm not inserting myself in another situation. I'm supposed to be in though. I'll find out later
34:18tacos I
34:20Think the problem with this group is we're all saying things behind each other's back and you think someone's your friend and they're really
34:24Not because I'm telling you every single person in our group has said something about you minus Macy
34:28I will give her that she's really loyal to you. I feel like a fucking idiot right now
34:32Why cuz like what the fuck is going on?
34:35I don't feel like everyone's pissed at me, but clearly I'm wrong and it fucking stings it it right in the heart
34:42Stop right in the heart. I want to leave. No, you can't do that. I'm telling you
34:48attention everyone
34:50Thank you for coming to Layla's funeral
34:53I'd like to raise a toast. Thank you
34:56Thank you everyone for coming to
34:59Layla Wessel's funeral
35:02After my talk with Jesse, I'm just like did you want me to hurt that felt like you wanted me to feel pain?
35:08Not because you cared about me because you wanted me to hurt. Well, congrats because that fucking hurt
35:13I just wanted to say that I'm extremely proud of the mother that you are like, this is so stupid
35:18It's exhausting at this point ride the wave babe because it's a lot I feel like I'm in high school
35:24But I know you can handle it and I'm excited for you to step into this new life Whitney
35:32That you are stepping into it's gonna be a journey and I'm here for all of it. So love you
35:43I'm just so fed up at this point here. I am questioning like I don't even know if I want to be friends with you
35:48And it's like well sounds like you feel the same way. You're not even sure if you want to be friends with me
35:53You don't want me in the group. You think I'm using everybody fine. Peace out. Go figure it out yourself
36:01Never put me on the spot like that again, sorry
36:08I saw you guys make it out
36:11I
36:15Don't know what Jesse said to make Whitney leave so suddenly but that's not good. I
36:21Do worry about mom talk and at this point maybe mom talk won't survive
36:40Hey, can't you juggle? Yeah, can we show me? Hang on Taylor?
36:45You gotta do three two in this hand. And so all you do is you just cross them
36:50You just make an X the whole time. Oh, really? Yeah, but you're not doing anything with like, what is the third one?
36:55Yeah, so it just it fits in the rotation. So
37:01There's more than an X like you're just crossing the hole it just hits you
37:06It's the baby
37:09Macy's coming over by the way. Oh, she is. Yeah, you want me to leave?
37:13No, why don't we leave? Well, I don't know. Do you not want to be here?
37:16Well, no, I just I mean like you're just hanging out with Macy. You want me to just kick with Macy, too?
37:21Well, actually, yeah, because this would be the perfect time for you guys to you know, clear the air
37:26You guys eventually have to we do so much together and it's just this awkward thing between you guys
37:31I'm not gonna start anything. But like if she wants to start something with me, there's something
37:35There's something already started
37:38You guys can just talk about it. Let's say yo Mace. What's your f-ing problem?
37:42You want me to do that? You want me to throw my arms out like that?
37:44Yeah, maybe not like that.
37:46No, I'm gonna do that. That's how I'm gonna start.
37:49I did invite Macy to have a conversation with Dakota. I'm about to give birth and I really just want her and Dakota to clear the air.
37:56Oh, look who it is!
37:58Oh my gosh, did you get that?
38:00That's so nice of you. Thank you for getting me that gift. I'm like, oh here
38:04Here's some fertile gummies. I'm getting here some postpartum gummies.
38:08Yeah, I do think Macy and Dakota are able to see eye to eye on things
38:13I don't necessarily feel ever be truly fans of each other deep down
38:17But yes, I do think we can make things civil and honestly if we all just want the best for each other
38:22I don't know why we can't just have that mutual agreement
38:24What are you doing?
38:26Well, just say it now.
38:28Say what?
38:30Well, what were you gonna say?
38:32Nothing.
38:34I'm confused.
38:36Oh my gosh, I didn't know he saw me.
38:38We just need to have a combo. It's as simple as that.
38:40No, I agree.
38:42For me, it's been this like built-up thing of like
38:44resentment towards you.
38:46It's not like I don't like you as a person
38:48because clearly when we're together in person
38:50I'm like, oh fine.
38:52I do feel like I was on your side
38:54and then after a while I feel like
38:56Taylor would come to me and vent to me
38:58and be like, hey, he's doing this
39:00or sometimes we'd observe it
39:02like we were at a wedding once and she's like, oh Dakota's pissed at me
39:04and she showed us some of the messages
39:06and they were very harsh on your end
39:08and I think you said, why say it back to him?
39:10But then there's times where I think
39:12I don't want to
39:14maybe I was projecting my past
39:16because I'm like, okay, I used to say the same thing to my friends though
39:18to excuse the behavior
39:21because I was like, didn't want my friends
39:23to not like the guy I was dating.
39:25I feel like I am so protective
39:27with Taylor and her relationship with Dakota
39:29because I see a lot of signs in Dakota
39:31that I saw in my abusive ex-boyfriend.
39:33There's a lot of things that he did verbally
39:35emotionally, physically that were
39:37big red flags, although it's not as severe
39:39as the relationship I was in, I see those red flags
39:41and it scares me
39:43and so I want to do my best to protect Taylor
39:45because I don't want what happened to me to end up happening to her.
39:47As time went on and I'd hear more fights
39:49or different things, I'm like, I don't like him.
39:51And I think
39:53for me, it's a mixture of
39:55my past and seeing similar
39:57you're nothing like my abuser
39:59let me just put that straight so you're not thinking
40:01I'm calling you an abuser or anything like that
40:03because I don't want you to think I'm doing that
40:05but there's been similarities with
40:07jealousy and possessiveness
40:09and sometimes emotional abuse
40:11with language and things where I'm like
40:13that's not okay.
40:15All I hope is that you do just want
40:17what's best for us. No, I do.
40:19I think it was hard because
40:21if you're still feeding into her ear
40:23be done with him
40:25in this situation
40:27I think that's
40:29really hard for me because
40:31I have someone that's really putting
40:33something in between us, making things even harder
40:35for us. If you guys are solid
40:37nothing that I say or other people say
40:39should ruin that.
40:41I don't know. I feel like there's just
40:43stuff that I have major trust issues with
40:45and it's hard to progress into marriage
40:47and stuff and I feel like because of our beginning
40:49it's where it's pushed us back
40:51I'm terrified
40:53and you want me to be
40:55there
40:57I'm ready
40:59I'm not
41:01I'm not there
41:15Like you came in my life
41:17and I think I trust you
41:19to be a good person
41:21and help me and you were
41:23you were a good friend but
41:25the lies in the beginning that I
41:27asked you not to do
41:29there were just
41:31more things that came out that hurt
41:33and I'm not over it
41:35I met Dakota
41:37and I
41:39done the whole shit show thing
41:41I want to start fresh, I want to have a good relationship
41:43Three weeks in we're like getting closer
41:45he's spending the night, we're like sleeping together
41:47I asked him, I was like, hey do you want to hang out
41:49and he goes like, I'm hanging out with my guys tonight
41:51and he sends a picture with him and all his guy friends
41:53I was like, okay awesome, have fun tonight
41:55Again, we're still not dating, but then later in our relationship
41:57he told me that that night
41:59he went off and hooked up with a girl
42:01Like I feel like he came in and hurt me
42:03and I'm angry at him
42:05because
42:07I love him
42:09but I'm not ready to give in to him
42:12I feel like I'm still not healed to this day
42:14from the lies he told
42:16and that he chose
42:18someone else over me
42:20and I think it hits
42:22a different spot in me where I
42:24didn't feel good enough
42:26and I still don't because I'm like
42:28if I was good enough he wouldn't have done that to me
42:32I feel bad because it's
42:34been a long time
42:36we're having a baby and
42:39I can't get over it
42:41I can't get over it
42:43I've been honest that I'm not ready
42:45to progress because I'm
42:47scared something else is going to come out
42:49but do you blame me?
42:55I mean I'm just going to say
42:57but you've also self-sabotaged
42:59almost this entire relationship
43:01as well being in this
43:03I'm in a relationship with you
43:05It doesn't matter, you can be in a relationship with someone
43:07I want to be in it
43:09and that is where the whole issue lies
43:11I don't know what you want
43:13from me either
43:15even during that
43:17talking stage
43:19she also told me
43:21hey you can go date
43:23whoever, you can hook up
43:25with whoever and you don't have
43:27to tell me
43:29you lied though
43:31I handed up at another girl's house
43:33hooking up with her
43:35I did this so intentional
43:37to you, nothing was intentional
43:39I don't think it was intentional
43:41don't tell me you can't hang out
43:43because at guys night you end up at a girls house
43:45hooking up
43:47that's the point
43:49you don't get it
43:51because that's what we still fight about
43:53you weren't my girlfriend
43:55what did you expect me to think
43:57but how you're treating me is insane
43:59I planned on hashing things out with Dakota
44:01and it turns into the two of them fighting
44:03I do not feel like I should be here
44:05seeing this
44:07are you upset because he lied
44:09or are you upset because he chose that girl over you
44:11both
44:13that's the one
44:15dating two girls during that time
44:17is that not gross though
44:19and you taught to date two people
44:21fuck me all week
44:23lie to me
44:25if you look at it that way Taylor
44:27and this is after I found out
44:29that he fucked a girl the night before
44:31I think what surprised me the most
44:33was when Taylor said you went and f'ed a girl
44:35the night before me
44:37then you f'ed me all week and then you f'ed someone else
44:39I was like woah there's a lot of f'ing going on here
44:41you're like wondering why won't you marry me
44:43why are we not ready
44:45no shit I'm scared that there's a third person
44:47then why have a baby with me
44:49I could still be with you and want to be with you
44:51I don't have to want to marry you
44:53for good reason I don't trust you
44:55I'm trying to make this work with you Taylor
44:57I want someone who's actually in it with me
44:59and fix things and get to a good place
45:01that's all I've ever asked from you
45:03I've never asked for you to forgive me right now
45:05or to have full trust in me
45:07I just need you to actually feel like
45:09you're on my side
45:11and wanting to do this together
45:13especially given the situation now
45:15you're about to have a baby
45:17my first baby
45:19you can leave anytime
45:21I don't want to leave you all I've ever
45:23that's what I'm saying I want you to feel better
45:25I want to work through these things
45:27Dakota wants to get married
45:29he wants to take that next step he so desperately wants
45:31to be in a happy family
45:33and marriage but
45:35I think it's frustrating for him because he has this pressure
45:37from our religion of getting married
45:39especially when you get pregnant out of wedlock
45:41I'm willing to work through anything
45:43I made it very clear that I didn't want to get married
45:45because I'm not ready I'm not there yet
45:47I want to trust Dakota but I'm not getting married
45:49because I'm having a baby
45:51and as a couple I actually have no idea where we're going
45:57We're going to Vegas for Layla's birthday
45:59Are we going to talk about what we're doing?
46:13Connor and I have talked about homesteading
46:15for a really long time
46:17we want to farm
46:19there's a difference between running away
46:21and just removing yourself from a toxic environment
46:23so I have a secret
46:25and at this point I feel like I have to tell somebody