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  • 5/18/2025
Grosse Pointe Garden Society Season 1 Episode 5

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Transcript
00:00Happen, right, right
00:03Wanna buy me a cup of coffee. Why is she still here? You guys are friends now could get messy. Yeah
00:09I didn't say messy can't be fun
00:11Is it over? Yes, of course. I forgive you. How can you do that? Cuz you're my ride-or-die
00:17It's scary here. God. No, it's over. I ended
00:23I'm worried something bad happened
00:26Is
00:28Gary here. I haven't heard from him in days. I'm worried something bad happened
00:34Remember that family in Willow?
00:37Went to bed on Christmas and didn't wake up
00:40Mm-hmm. Well wouldn't have happened if Santa had brought them one of these
00:44Mm-hmm
00:46You okay?
00:48Yeah
00:52Still up for it
00:55Yes
01:03Sorry whitening strip
01:12Oh wait, um
01:17Too much red onion in the salad
01:25Oh
01:32Gary might be dead boner killer. His wife hasn't heard from him in days. The guy's probably just laying low
01:45What if he hurt himself more like he bought a first-class ticket to an island and he's laying on the beach pounding Mai Tais
01:55I
01:57Just feel like this is all my fault, you know, the more you talk about this the hotter it gets
02:04Look I want to make this work, but we got to get this guy out of our bed
02:09So
02:23Apparently, I can't just give Ford a bunch of money it has to go through this whole endowment thing that my ex-husband set up
02:31Who knew you needed a college degree to understand a college scholarship
02:34Scholarship
02:35Don't look at me. Hey, I just played football at Kalamazoo
02:39How'd you go from that to cop? Well, I blew out my shoulder and tried to get into the FBI
02:46But I I lied on my holograph. Oh
02:51About what?
02:53Yeah, no, we are not good enough friends yet. Come on. Who'd you kill? No arson. It's in your eyes
03:00You like to burn things
03:05Only
03:06If you tell me about your ex
03:08Fine, which one? Well, how many are there? See first?
03:13There was Eddie in aerospace. He liked to drive fast and fly high
03:19We had a pretty good time until his heart gave out
03:22too much excitement and
03:24Cocaine. Hmm. Yeah. Well, who's up next?
03:28Hmm Marcel was a real bon vivant
03:32He owned a bunch of vineyards outside Calais. Everybody loved him except the people he conned into buying hotels that he didn't own
03:41Yeah, all these guys they sound really stable maybe I'm meant to be alone
03:51Yeah, the thing is, you know, even when you're with somebody you can still be alone
03:59I think I'm probably just a lot to come home to
04:05You know, you just haven't found the guy that can handle it
04:10We couldn't have friends to tell me about that polygraph yet getting closer
04:28Pollination is an essential element of any healthy garden
04:33Bumblebees return to the same flower again and again
04:45While butterflies are easily distracted by bright puddles and long stems
04:52Watch something else
04:55It's so hot you'll see
05:04What you said what you said, okay, can I open them now?
05:20The bus does their science for free
05:24I
05:43Know you're not ready, but
05:45When you are but in the end, it really doesn't matter who's pollinating who?
05:52the secret to a great garden
05:54It's great sex
05:57lower higher
06:00Lower
06:01Why are we putting in bird traps anyway?
06:04The feeders judges give extra points for a variety of wildlife. So this is perfect for Orioles and finches. Oh
06:12That makes way more sense. Also coyotes. Ah, unless you want them to eat the birds
06:19Plus your phone does work. Oh, I know I got your text. I forgot
06:23I was just wondering if we're gonna watch the Tigers game tomorrow
06:27These apps are making me insane. Yeah, someone should really invent a better way to have anonymous sex. Yeah. Why are you even on them?
06:35What do you mean? I just mean you never really put yourself out there
06:40Contrary to what you all may think I'm still a dude. Yeah, you are. Oh, man. I just meant since your divorce
06:47Yeah, I'm overdue. I love it. Release the Kraken
06:51I'll take anyone who's semi-normal who can semi appreciate me. Oh that app definitely does not exist
06:57So are we watching the game or what?
07:01Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool Oh Sullivan's is playing it in their beer garden, yeah, I'll talk to you
07:10So what height don't we want to feed the coyotes up
07:22Kind of just want to talk about the whole college thing. So have you looked at any schools yet?
07:29Not really, did you talk to that guidance counselor lady? Nope
07:35So, what are you thinking I'm thinking I might not go
07:41You don't get the money if you don't go can't you just give it to someone else I'd rather give it to you. Yeah
07:48It's just a lot for my family to process right now
07:51What are you talking about? I don't know
07:55Things are weird at home. Okay, okay
07:58They just don't need the stress of all the applications in the campus tours. Maybe I can make it easier on your parents
08:06You've done enough
08:16If you change your mind just leave me alone
08:21Oh
08:36Gary Gary what happened to you? Oh
08:45My god, it looks worse than it is. Are you missing a tooth?
08:52Just stay away from me. Okay, wait and don't tell your husband about this
09:08Guys I know this is awful and no amount of therapy is ever gonna make us normal again
09:13But right now we got to get this out of here
09:17We done that is not a useful question. You give her a break
09:21Okay
09:23Question is how do we get the body to the garden? What about your truck? I
09:29Can't move this much. I'll do it. You want me to touch a dead person? Okay, just pull around to the loading dock
09:34No, we can't use the truck
09:36Backs all open
09:38Perfect. So if anyone looks they'll be like hey murderers this your corpse back here, then we'll use their car
09:44Who's gonna drive a dead person's car with the dead person in it? I
09:48Will no, no, no, no hell no
09:51It should be me. What why you why not her? I'm still drunk. Yeah, and she's on probation for drunk driving guys, right?
09:58She knows how I can drive the body
10:04All of this is my fault
10:09You can't go alone she won't be
10:14Why me if we get pulled over you're the drunk friend who needs a ride home
10:21Oh
10:49Why do you keep doing that
10:52Fully spell out stop and it's a complete stop good tip. That's a practice
10:59No, no, what is that? I don't know. I don't know. What is that? I'm telling you. I don't know
11:14Or out of gas
11:16Like out of gas out of gas or like there's still a few days left out of gas
11:21It's below empty who tries on empty someone who doesn't think they're gonna end up in their own trunk. Oh my god. Oh
11:29my god, okay, we just
11:31We gotta get gas
11:33Person in the trunk. Would you rather be stranded on the side of the road with a dead person in the trunk?
11:37I'd rather go home and take a shower
11:40She's gotta find a gas station
11:42And act like a couple of prom queens who just had the time of their lives
11:47Hey
11:49You can
11:52Come
11:56I've learned people are capable of way more than you think
11:58Oh
12:10Hold still daddy. You're gonna smudge it. Oh
12:14That's nice the pinkies are the hardest part. Oh
12:19Okay, both of you go upstairs and brush your teeth, please
12:22So I'm not done with daddy's manicure, but I'm gonna look so pretty for my 10 o'clock with sales
12:28Alright off you go
12:30Yeah, you go. Oh
12:35By the way poker night tonight, I'm gonna miss dinner. Oh
12:43You'll also miss our appointment
12:51You missed last night too the therapist says we've got to stick to the intimacy schedule, sorry, babe. I'm just been slammed at work
12:59I'm sure you're not avoiding me
13:04Come on
13:08Ran into Gary at the mall
13:12How was his vacation not great. Oh, he didn't get a tan he
13:18He got his ass kicked. Well, did he say who did it? Oh clearly someone who thought he deserved it
13:25Yeah, well
13:26But there's a lot of husbands who want to knock out that guy's teeth
13:31All right, kiddos daddy's train is about to leave the station let's go say bye to mommy
13:37Have a great day. All right, let's boogie. Hey
13:44How did you know he had a tooth missing
13:48You said he'd been worked over right probably had a broken nose, too
13:57I
14:11Slept over I can't you do it what I gotta go
14:18Last night was uh, it was really fun. Got a little crazy. Mm-hmm. Good kind the best
14:27Oh, it's cool if you have to go or I don't want to oh, let's say I can't
14:36Am I making it weird, uh
14:40I kind of lied on my profile
14:44Yeah
14:45There's someone else. Oh, no, I mean that there is someone else but it's just it's not that kind of someone else
14:51Oh like a an open relationship. I have a kid. Oh
14:56Well, why'd you lie about that I mean what guy wants to hear about the strippers kid, wait, wait, wait your stripper
15:02No, I just mean like single moms aren't exactly killing it on the app
15:11Sorry, do you have anything for a second graders lunch my ex forgot to pack one for her field trip
15:16You've come to the right kitchen my friend
15:19Oh
15:20Hello, I was just hoping for popcorn and Gatorade Oh
15:24Lunchables uncross the bowls fake cheese yogurt tubes
15:29My knight in shining armor. Oh, that's my profile
15:34Okay, so I'm just going to hijack the rest of your coffee and
15:39I'll get myself out of here or you could come back later and take it breakfast. I
15:45Like that Brian
15:47Brett
15:48Are you sure?
15:53Stealing your shirt
16:00Okay, so we have
16:02Potato skins shaped like meds chicken nuggets shaped like little home plates and taquitos shaped like penises
16:09Those are baseball bats. You didn't have to go to all this trouble. Oh, don't be silly
16:14I do this every game. You always make penis taquitos
16:19We felt bad for you, okay
16:22Yeah, you know just with Brett blowing you off. Oh, he didn't blow me off. He just sent me the shrugging cat emoji
16:30What does that even mean?
16:32That he got a better offer
16:33Yeah, okay, that would drive me crazy. Well, he's allowed to have fun
16:37Let's hope the fun he ends up with is down with him having a girl bestie. Why wouldn't they be I'm married
16:44You're also super bomb. So they might have a slight problem. Oh
16:50I'm not worried
16:52Okay, great. Well, then how do you and Brett normally do all this?
16:56Oh, we usually do a shot every time someone gets a double or more. I can't do shots
17:01I have to take the kids to school in the morning
17:03I'll just do a shot every time they pat each other's butts. Oh, you're gonna be wasted. Well, then I think I found my sport
17:15You
17:19Could send a divorce mail, but then he'll know that I saw he called
17:25Who's hot cop something I'm trying to quit
17:30No one patted a butt
17:32They will hey guys
17:34Can we please just watch the game?
17:37Yeah
17:45Oh my bacon-wrapped dates, oh no, no, no, no, it's for the best
17:56Yeah, where is it
17:58Oh
18:12Tucker just installed these he's gonna kill me
18:28Is that a camera you might want to rethink doing that shot
18:44How was poker night, oh great one big enough to replace the smoke detector I broke
18:51What happened burn some appetizers, but you probably already knew that
19:08I don't want to be spied on
19:14Well, I
19:17Didn't want you to bang Gary in our bed
19:21Here we are. You said you forgave me. You fell in love with him. So you pulverize his face
19:27You know, it was my guys. Actually, you're guys you put an office alarm systems. We also do respond security Wow
19:34They responded
19:36Look, I'm just trying to protect my family
19:42You don't have to do all this neither did you you have me now do I
19:48I've only ended it because you got played
19:52I'm yours
19:56How am I supposed to ever believe that
20:08I mean
20:10How many times can you talk in central pay without feeling like it's grand?
20:14Yachts can't live with them can't torch them for the insurance payout
20:22God I miss you sometimes. Oh, you shouldn't have divorced me. You were sending me to an early grave
20:30That was the plan
20:37How are you kids Monica's enjoying a brief stint back in her artist colony
20:42Do you mean rehab the therapeutic arts program is exceptional
20:48More importantly, how's your kid?
20:55He wants nothing to do with me
20:57Neither do mine. At least they want your money. So write him a check. I tried write a bigger one
21:07Maybe I'm not cut out for you know, motherhood
21:11Liam would disagree
21:13Liam is 10 years older than me. He still calls you mom. He only started that when I wouldn't have sex with him
21:21Really Christmas trip Aspen
21:27My boys always had good taste
21:33Well, I think my boy might be better off without me
21:38It's not that easy it was for the first 16 years of his life why not now
21:44Cuz if you really want to be his mom
21:48It's not a choice
21:54Why didn't we work out let me know Paul I could use some more boring in my life
22:08You
22:13Fell in love with him. I'm yours
22:37Oh
22:39Oh
23:06Okay
23:09This is a guy in finance, hmm, but his real passion is doing dance tick-tock
23:15And he prefers baths over showers, and he loves using the word Riz. Oh
23:24You only get one guess
23:28And but he's more yellow than wrist, okay, yes, okay. Okay. Okay my turn. Okay
23:39She's a little kooky
23:43Okay, there's a lot of great green here tonight, it's a good time like
23:47like somebody who wants to ride the biggest rollercoaster or
23:52Street good Denny's or crash somebody's bat mitzvah
23:57Give me more. Okay
23:59She smells good like
24:02vacation. Oh, I like that and
24:06She's the kind of person who's just
24:08really easy to be with
24:12Especially for a guy who hasn't been on an actual date in a very long time
24:20Is it her
24:27Okay, okay my turn Alice Alice
24:33Hey, hey, hey, this is this is cricket Oh
24:38Cricket, this is uh, this is my um
24:41Garden, buddy. Yeah. Well, nice to meet you. Hi Doug. Not a gardener
24:50Did you see the Tigers one, oh, yeah that bottom of the seventh home run was unreal
24:55You watched it. I mean he almost got it. Yeah, this kid in front of us didn't bring a stupid mitt
25:01Wait, you were there
25:03Yeah, well someone in crickets class gave her these insane tickets
25:09Is just one of the many amazing perks of being a teacher, huh?
25:14Way Alice used to teach. Oh
25:17Why'd you stop?
25:20Oh my I can see you when you're ready. Yeah. Yeah, we're ready. Enjoy. Bye. Nice to meet you. Have a good night. Oh
25:30Can I get you anything to drink absolutely
25:38I
25:45Was your day an eventful we come fix Stacy. Mm-hmm
25:53So we need a new compressor
25:56If you've an estimate over there
26:08Hmm was it the supervisor or the short guy they always sent
26:16Aren't you watching
26:23What it upset you if I was
26:28Now
26:32Still have on those green undies
26:38I
27:09Oh
27:14Hi there, how you holding up better, okay, good, um
27:23I'm gonna ask you something and I need you to stay calm
27:28Okay, do you have any cash on you
27:32What made us leave all our phones and purses at the garden center? So they couldn't track us. I just uh, I meant like
27:38Tucked away in your bra or something what like someone gave me a tip
27:44Okay, check the glove compartment
27:55What about under the seat
28:03Okay, what do we do
28:07Nothing you're gonna like
28:18You take left pocket I'll take right
28:33It's used
28:38Oh
28:44That's at least I have to take a gas great drug dealers, too
28:55Wait the names on the bottle
29:07I
29:16Gotta like her. What do you like about her? I
29:19Mean what's not that like?
29:21She's hot funny down-to-earth
29:25Yeah, I guess
29:27Mmm, she's even a teacher
29:29yoga teacher
29:31Whatever, but it's definitely getting pregnant tonight
29:37So what exactly is a garden buddy
29:40Are you weirded out that my best friend is a girl? Oh
29:45I'm sorry. I I thought she was just your garden buddy
29:51Why can't you just be happy for the guy? I just feel like my friend could do better
29:57Really
29:59Feels like you're a little jealous
30:03Seriously, you spent enough time talking about it
30:07Oh
30:16You spend a lot of time with someone obviously it crosses your mind
30:21Saying you're into her. Well good cuz I'm not I'm saying she wants you to be what do you mean? I
30:29Don't know. I just get the vibe that she's one of those girls, you know
30:32Alice is married
30:34So so she's gonna be with me
30:37Maybe not but she definitely doesn't want you to be with anyone else either
31:08Oh
31:10License please. Are you kidding me? You're all through the stop sign
31:16No, I didn't because now I do this new trick
31:21St. Oh, yeah anything to drink
31:24It's like noon
31:27Please step out of the car
31:38What you have me walk the line touch my nose do the chicken dance I want to know what you told my son
31:43Excuse me. Well, he's not going to college now because of you
31:48That's what he said, hmm
31:51Well, he told me it was because your marriage is a dumpster fire. What's that got to do with you?
31:58Let's be honest
32:00I'm not helping your situation
32:03Nothing's happened. Not yet. We're just friends Joel. That's the deal. Yeah, it's also called an excuse
32:09Okay, speak for yourself. Oh
32:12So I'm the lunatic who's just imagine we've been dying to get into each other's pants
32:17Hey, I'm sorry if I've given you the wrong idea. No wonder you failed that polygraph. You're a terrible liar
32:23Yeah, well, I guess you never know
32:28Unless there's a better test
32:32Oh
33:02Tragedy and all this I can't it's murder than both of us
33:13No nice day
33:23What show me what you work with
33:27Show me now, baby. You were chosen now
33:29Might put a hold of ground cuz I could see you hold it down
33:59I
34:21Was just getting a jump on the dishes for you. Thank you. Show me what you work with
34:30Mm-hmm 20 on pump three, okay
34:4220 bucks
34:45Have you
34:47you ever have that kind of night where one bad decision just
34:52leads to another
34:55And another and another nobody chooses to work here
34:59Then you get it
35:01You don't have any cash do you?
35:05Or card or a phone
35:09Can use mine, hmm
35:13The people I would call don't have their phones either
35:16Okay, it's just you and me DJ
35:24You're all I got
35:29I
35:42Clean your windshield for ten bucks. I'll clean your windshield for five. I don't have a car. Oh
35:49Come on
35:51That's rude
35:59Two bucks a piece you won't find a deal like that on the street my friend
36:11All right
36:13Thank you so much, but I'm also gonna need that bracelet
36:18For 20 bucks of gas, how bad do you need it?
36:22What about my earrings and what about them they're worth more. Mm-hmm. My mom doesn't have pierced ears
36:30Oh
36:40It's not funny how much did they see like half my vagina?
36:50Well better them than another man, I'm sorry
36:59We have to get past what I did I know this isn't who we are no, you're not a mob boss and I'm not a French maid
37:15Well, where do we start
37:30Oh
37:50Hey, what's up, we need to talk Alice I'm working
38:00Now I'm a customer
38:06I'm gonna help you ma'am. Um, I was just wondering why you're being such a dick
38:14For real, yeah
38:17Yeah, it's like my best friends trying to dump me. Well, uh
38:20If this person really is your best friend, maybe you should realize he has his own life and I can't always revolve around yours
38:27It doesn't
38:30Who you expect to just drop everything when you have a bad day
38:33That's how you see it when you have an argument with your husband or your in-laws are all up in your business
38:37Well, you give good advice you treat me like an emotional support animal. Are you kidding me?
38:44Who was there for you when your wife walked out six years ago?
38:48This is so unfair and you know it well, then maybe I'm I'm just tired of being your shoulder to cry on
38:55It's called friendship, but what do I get out of it?
39:04What are you saying I think
39:11This just isn't working right now
39:15What
39:21You have no idea what you're doing to me, well, maybe you should talk to your husband about it
39:39When pollination fails it can be devastating for a garden
39:43Two flowers competing for the same ladybug means one will die. I know you don't like me very much
39:51Why does that matter? Because your son is about to throw his life away
39:57And we're gonna have to do something about it
40:12a
40:23Pesticide meant to protect a bloom does the opposite when it poisons the milk beetle
40:43Oh
40:48What happened to you guys
40:50We took a detour
40:52Are you guys? Okay, I?
40:54Have to do something that might not be good for us
40:59Like everything in nature the balance of pollination is delicate
41:13You
41:18And you never know which way it's gonna go till it's too late