Amir Jaffer is an award-winning director and producer with nearly two decades of experience in filmmaking. Since 2005, he has built an impressive body of work that spans documentaries, feature films, short films, web series, and music videos. His projects have streamed on Amazon and aired on PBS and MTV, reaching audiences across platforms and cultures.
Amir’s passion for storytelling began in his teenage years when he started experimenting with his father’s video camera. Now based in the United States, he draws from his immigrant experience to craft stories that are bold, meaningful, and socially relevant. His films often shine a light on the lives of people at the margins—fearlessly exploring taboo subjects with a blend of sensitivity and depth.
In 2021, Amir co-founded the SF Queer Film Fest (SFQFF) to give back to the community that has supported his creative journey. Under his leadership, the festival has become a vital platform for under-represented LGBTQ+ filmmakers, fostering visibility, dialogue, and connection among diverse audiences. Each year, SFQFF continues to grow, cementing its place in the cultural landscape of San Francisco.
Amir’s passion for storytelling began in his teenage years when he started experimenting with his father’s video camera. Now based in the United States, he draws from his immigrant experience to craft stories that are bold, meaningful, and socially relevant. His films often shine a light on the lives of people at the margins—fearlessly exploring taboo subjects with a blend of sensitivity and depth.
In 2021, Amir co-founded the SF Queer Film Fest (SFQFF) to give back to the community that has supported his creative journey. Under his leadership, the festival has become a vital platform for under-represented LGBTQ+ filmmakers, fostering visibility, dialogue, and connection among diverse audiences. Each year, SFQFF continues to grow, cementing its place in the cultural landscape of San Francisco.
Category
✨
PeopleTranscript
00:00hi this is dan akroyd he's progressive he's beautiful he's thoughtful he's intelligent
00:13he's powerful he's positive he is stephen cuoco on power 98.5 satellite radio
00:19empowering listeners from the u.s to the uk live on air with stephen cuoco
00:27i love my dan akroyd i love him as well and he was the original cast member of snl right that's um
00:36that's how i first heard of him god he's still rolling i i love that testimonial i i i so
00:44appreciate that and i still remember the day when it was recorded after our conversation
00:49and it brings me joy and since i'm doing the videos now it's great to see
00:56you know my guest reactions of it because it's like how often you know anyone can get something
01:02maybe from ariana grande or matthew mcconaughey but there's just something special about dan
01:07akroyd and being so iconic yeah i love it he's a legend in my in my book he's a legend he is total
01:15legend thank you to everyone who's tuning in to live on air with stephen cuoco on power 98.5
01:21satellite radio where the latest greatest and the best in tv film fashion music reality tv and more
01:30you're listening to live on air with stephen cuoco on power 98.5 satellite radio as well as biz talk
01:36radio biz tv head on over to biz talk radio.com but we want to have you here first and foremost
01:42on power 985.com so remember alexa apple music download the app and more we love it we can't
01:52have more than enough right we got to have it all amir yeah and we got it the more the merrier
01:58the more the merrier i've got with us today an extraordinary film director cinematographer
02:05editor amir jaffer who is hailing out of san francisco california and i had the esteemed
02:13pleasure amir as you know to watch to view because i am this year's brave maker juror brave maker film
02:21festival out of san francisco california and we are talking about all great things and more about you
02:27amir but also your film that you submitted which is extraordinary i don't even know if there was a word
02:35for how exceptional this film is and it's called not tonight and you are the director i don't know if
02:43you want to uh you're the director we've got the writer is it punay punit punit punit is the writer
02:50uh then we have allison ewing who played amy paxton we have tyler mckenna who played key cast of
03:00mike bonetti phenomenal they did extremely well together i couldn't i wouldn't even think or imagine
03:09to try to insult their body of work to say oh maybe this one could have played the role of mike or
03:15this one could have been amy no they were absolute perfection together and and just to uh
03:21clarify punit also played the lead character of amir oh did he yeah okay so yes we have punit as
03:29uh amir sharma yeah and then we've got tyler mckenna and then allison ewing it it's sharp i mean it's
03:40i have to ask why so i've been sitting on that idea for a while i uh first watched uh
03:49who's afraid of virginia wolf back in i think 2011 or 12 and i was just blown away i know it was
03:58based on a play by edward lb from back in the early 60s and um liz teller and richard burton were
04:05were in that iconic film and uh i i spoke with punit punit and i like you know um kind of using
04:12each other as a sounding board i said you know i want to do something based on that but i don't want
04:16to do a remake so how can we bring it into um present day and make it interesting and and you know
04:24of course we put our personal touches on it so so punit wrote the script and i read the first draft
04:30and i was like wow this is this is going in the right direction because it's talking about
04:34an interracial couple and the challenges um that some interracial couples encounter
04:39you know at one point or the other in their in their married life um and we bought infidelity
04:45we bought our trust issues in the marriage so we kind of added our own to that um so that's how it
04:52came about basically inspired by edward lb's play um and and liz taylor's um movie and and we bought
05:00into modern day life yeah your credits are you're strategic at what you do what i've noticed by looking
05:08at your body of a work amir not only do you have upcoming projects we talked about between places
05:14you got after daddy is gone in between and during the time of your upcoming projects your past projects
05:24how well have you learned or how much have you learned about yourself as a person as a man as a
05:31director when it comes to not tonight because this is something i would think i would see at the amc
05:38or regal cinema well thank you for that compliment i i feel that um i've come a long way and uh
05:47one of the reasons i sat on this project for a while because i i felt i wasn't ready as a director
05:52as a filmmaker to make this and um when uh this journey started two years ago 2023 and i said punit
06:00let's let's do it and he wrote this script and honestly like when i when i get scripts from writers
06:05um it usually takes three or four drafts before i can feel you know happy that okay we can we can
06:11work with this i was blown away by the first draft that punit wrote and i said this is this is good we
06:17just made some tweaks to it and the way i normally work on on set is uh i tell writers don't get offended
06:23i i'm i like to it to be fluid um because you know changes can happen even before the camera starts
06:30rolling and i kind of you know i'm i'm intuitive that way i can sense actors energies and you know no
06:37matter how much you rehearse but what happens when they arrive on set sometimes it can be a different
06:41energy so you got to play with that energy and and allison um and tyler and punit they all have
06:48you know this perfect chemistry that that i had fun making it yeah i hope this comes as a compliment
06:57i'm not gonna say it it has the vibe of this film we know what surrounds the controversy of
07:06it ends with us it just reminded me a little bit about a different perspective of a story
07:14of betrayal and internal violence and storms emotional storms that are broadcasted in such a way that
07:26it's so tumultuous you can see it in a person's eyes you can see it in their body language but it's
07:33not insulting visually to where you're experiencing suicide or blood and gore or murder it's palpable
07:44because it's so deep emotionally and impactful that so much of the language was spoken just through
07:52body and eye contact and movement that you didn't need a lot of dialogue yeah see that's one thing i
07:58i feel that's been part of my journey because when i started i didn't go to film school by the way
08:02so i've been like you know learning as i'm as i'm growing and and it's been almost two decades now since i
08:09got into this field so now i like less dialogues in some of the scenes and more body language because i feel
08:16like since film is a visual medium we don't need a lot of dialogues to express a lot of feelings um
08:23and and that's where i feel like where i'm in my journey right now um as far as uh you know what
08:30what i brought to this project and i feel like every project that i choose i like actors do you know when
08:37you when you take on a character you see how much is that character similar to you and what's lacking
08:42then you kind of do your research and bring that in i feel like as a filmmaker that's been my approach
08:48throughout my career is that when i take on a project i say okay where do i find myself in these
08:53characters as a person not as a filmmaker and if i find myself in these characters then i feel i can
09:00connect with the actor on set and and help them bring out the best performance um and i know actors are
09:09always doubting themselves they're insecure on set that's some some sometimes helps with the
09:15performance because you know if you're dead sure about your performance in yourself sometimes you
09:20know it comes across as rigid but i feel like when actors are you know they arrive on set and they say
09:28okay hey filmmaker mr director i'm here and you know i'm i'm going to be like a putty in your hand or
09:35you know clay in your hand do what you will with me you know so i felt i was lucky with
09:39that with paneet and and allison and tyler they they came with a certain notion okay this is how
09:44we're going to play it but then in the moment they kind of opened themselves up to me and and i was able
09:51to you know bring something out of them um on the set as a director the intimacy is close on on many
10:00levels emotionally mentally physically in the film not tonight how as a director as someone who's
10:09facilitating a story and a connection how do you keep a safe space a place of safety so that the actors
10:23know that they have that full expansion and permission of self and that there's going to be
10:32an understanding that boundaries are there and nothing's going to get cross yeah so you know that's
10:40very important question and i feel like you know especially in the last decade or so this has become
10:45a focus for all filmmakers rightly so because there have been so many awful experiences um
10:52which i have witnesses i won't take any names being on somebody else's set while i was learning
10:57um and then we hear these horror stories from you know big budget films um actors are vulnerable
11:05and and you know um when you're telling another person here i am here do what you will
11:11they're giving you your trusting in you as a filmmaker and then then you got to be very careful
11:18with that trust um when it comes to physical violence we had some physical violence in the scene
11:24um and and even when i've done other films um coincidentally i did another film with puneet
11:30called arrangement about a south asian couple who decided to have an open marriage that's streaming
11:35on amazon right now uh both in that movie i have puneet playing the husband and sarika
11:41malotra she's um and nice uh very talented uh actress here based in the bay area uh there
11:48were a lot of explicit scenes in that film and of course we had an intimacy coordinator but even then
11:54you know the intimacy coordinator is on set um as a safety net for the filmmaker and for the actor
12:00but still that you cannot deny that the direct one-on-one relationship with a director and an actor
12:06and and i feel like it's important for filmmakers to do that to build that trust with the filmmakers
12:11that you're safe and one of the things i think that works for me as an indie filmmaker is that
12:17i i have a small set i don't have a lot of people i purposely work with less people in the crew
12:21so we become like a family and i and i treat everybody like family whether it's my
12:26my you know crew or whether it's my cast um i become like a mother hen on set like
12:33um somebody's running behind okay take your time drive carefully get here when they get here okay
12:38let's ground yourself decompress and then of course i work with these wonderful makeup artists who are
12:44like therapists for them as well okay come here sit in the chair get the makeup done and everything so
12:48they're kind of okay you need to have something what do you want to drink so so and then even when we're
12:52filming um i refrain from doing that um brutal um 12 14 15 hour shoots um i i feel like that's not fair
13:04and that's why unions you know are there telling people that don't go over the eighth hour if we do
13:08have to pay them overtime even though i'm not union but i try to do that with you know with most of my
13:13projects like stay under nine hours because i feel like the actress performance you know the energy goes
13:19down and and and we get things done efficiently so i feel like i'm shooting four to five scenes a day
13:25i i think i'm on a good track of finishing the film i don't have to push and you know shoot seven eight
13:31nine scenes some filmmakers do that to save save money but i just feel like it's not fair um i hope i
13:37answered the question you did you did would you like to expand on an intimacy coordinator it's come up a
13:44couple times in some of the most recent movies there's a project that's up and coming i didn't
13:49look into it but supposedly uh timothy chalamet and gwyneth paltrow are going to be involved in and
13:56conversation came up about intimacy coordinator can you enlighten us on exactly
14:03a deeper purpose of an intimacy coordinator the education what their main role how you direct
14:11them what you expect for and look forward to from an intimacy coordinator to keep everything in
14:18alignment yeah so before i jump to the you know to answer your question uh i just want to give you
14:24something like how i operate and what goes in my mind and some some writers and some producers hate me
14:29for that so when i get a script and there's an explicit scene in there and i've done my casting i talk to
14:35my actors first of all as a character you bring this to life do you think this is you know we should go
14:43this far or we should maybe not go that far how do you feel it is the actor's comfort level uh before
14:49before we even talk about intimacy coordinates of bringing somebody on board and when the actors tell me
14:54okay i feel like yeah this this scene is needed and yeah we can we can this this scene is showing the bond
14:59between these two characters um where they are in their relationship um and ensure i'll be comfortable
15:05to do that um but maybe i'm not comfortable doing this part maybe we scale back a little bit so i
15:11that's how i start the conversation with the actors and if you're going all the way like i did an
15:16arrangement um the short film i just referred to earlier um then yeah then then we have somebody there
15:24basically checking in with the actors because the idea is in a bigger commercial set the director
15:31just want to get the performance they just want to get the scene done because you know they have
15:35a budget and they cannot go over budget so scenes have to be done in a certain time
15:39and and get everything done so they're they're they're focusing on getting it done for for the most part
15:45intimacy coordinators job that i understood is there to make sure checking in with actors are you
15:51comfortable where are you at right now emotionally to play this part because because you know it's easy
15:58to um watch a movie and say these actors taking off their clothes and getting into bed and and being
16:04intimate it's very very difficult i would invite anybody any human being to like take your clothes off
16:11on camera it's it's you you're just burying yourself your soul and it's a very vulnerable place to be
16:17and um so you got to be you know as a filmmaker you got to be in tune with the actors and that's
16:23why i i i changed the scenes um just to give an example we just shot a series called marriage material
16:29uh it's going to be released on amazon um hopefully by the end of the summer um and and there were a
16:35couple of scenes in there um between the straight couple and the lesbian couple that that you know
16:41went all the way and i i checked in with the actors and they said to me that they don't feel
16:47comfortable and and for the point of from from the point of view of storytelling they felt it wasn't
16:51necessary to have that for have them to go this far on screen so i've i agreed with them i said sure and
16:57and what happens is like if you're giving the actors a space where they feel comfortable they feel
17:01empowered then what happens then you see magic happens if an actor is not feeling secure and safe on
17:07your set whether you have one or two or ten intimacy coordinators it doesn't help in my my humble
17:15opinion you need to as a filmmaker first of all have this trust with your actor that you can trust me
17:21i'm not gonna you know push put you in a place where you will feel exposed or vulnerable and and i
17:30think i think i feel like the directors nowadays especially in commercial filmmaking is like you know
17:34we just gotta get it done so we don't really care you know we have a budget we have five scenes we
17:38shoot this day we have we have booked a location so that's how most most filmmakers think and i and i
17:43feel that's what sets me apart with some of the current filmmakers is there a correlation when we think
17:52about you know intimacy coordinators and method acting am i hearing this correct that like on the one
18:00project you worked on is it considered method acting when they are going into a scene all the way because
18:08i'm not familiar with that like how do you regulate in an active intimacy but it's not actual intercourse
18:17to is it at times actual the actual act i don't know only share if you can expand on it because that's the
18:28only movie that i can i can reference right now arrangement we went all the way we were there
18:32was similar sex scenes in that film so so one of the things that you know the intimacy coordinators
18:36said they informed us that they have we have to have a wedge something a protection between the two
18:42actors of course we were not they were not naked uh or nude uh we they were covered with a sheet
18:48but but the idea was that you know they are having sex but but so so there are all these layers
18:55technicalities of of it um that have to be kept in mind uh as far as the method acting goes um
19:02it you know even before we start shooting a scene the actors need to check in with each other and the
19:09director has to be there gauging where they're at because like i said you know if you don't have that
19:16intuition and you just actors will say yes because they they committed to saying they committed to doing
19:22this part right so they will they yeah they will do it but i can tell right away if they're not
19:27comfortable if they're not comfortable i then i pull them aside and i have a chat with them like
19:30okay what's going on here um but i've been fortunate the actors i work with um they they have trusted me
19:37they know that i'm not going to do anything um that's going to put them in a place where they'll
19:41regret it later or that i just use them as an a prop on set um and and one one anecdote i have to
19:48share with you so when i was new um um in filmmaking this is like third 15 16 years ago we did a film
19:57um about domestic violence and we had this actor and he was a method actor so he would show up on set
20:04in that character and i would think maybe something's wrong with this guy like are you okay like and then
20:11yeah yeah he would be rude and obnoxious and we start rolling the camera he would do his part
20:16and then i learned some of the actors come on set with that mindset there i'm i'm this character i'm
20:21not this actor uh it helps them but but it was interesting for me you know to wrap my head around
20:27it when i was was a new uh newbie in this field i'm sorry i'm rambling did i answer your question
20:33yeah no i like it that's what's listen if you if i were to ask you so amir uh how is this and
20:41this and it's done well we do it like this and then we end it like that how can we have an interview
20:46yeah and just for the record i i avoid doing interviews even though some of my producers
20:52have been like you have to be out there you have to you know say something and and for the most part
20:56there's so much pressure on saying the right thing you know um appearing a certain way be this way
21:02that and i i feel like i i'm old and that's one of the things of getting older is like you don't
21:06you feel liberated that you know this is who i am take it or leave it kind of thing i i'm not perfect
21:11so i i why should i pretend in an interview right oh man the stress that we we had put on ourselves
21:19when we were younger amir okay i mean seriously i mean still to this day are you ever told you don't
21:27have to be perfect amir it doesn't have to be perfect do you hear that at all now what's happening
21:33as i'm getting older i have to remind myself yes that that younger amir inside me that went
21:40through the trauma and healed himself over the years and now he's with me in many ways and tells
21:46me okay it's okay let it go this is who you are be comfortable in your skin yeah it's true and a good
21:53friend of mine just a couple days ago said steven it's okay she took my hand she's like you don't
22:01have to be perfect and in my head amir i was taking that literally of thinking okay i need to put this
22:08here and here but perfection doing things perfectly can be it can be anything it can be what you write
22:15how you write how you put on i mean when there was just something in that moment i finally received
22:22that message that i did not have to be perfect in my entire life since then since
22:28three four days ago that long had taken finally was like wow i saw i finally just sat within myself and
22:41saw what is perfection what does it mean and it's not just the act of duty the act of care just that
22:50it's even when i'm home by myself and i gotta rush i gotta get to bed at this time because just in
22:59case if i wake up at 12 or 1 o'clock and have to take a piss you know i got this amount of time to
23:04go to sleep like that's how regimented i was i was just so in control and making sure that everything
23:09was perfect all the way down to my sleeping habits and i'm thinking social media we see all of
23:15these bodybuilders these these influencers and how they're they're telling us and showing us their
23:22routine and i just like this is a prison this is a jail like yeah it's good to have structure
23:32it's healthy to have routine but i mean i wake up three o'clock in the morning to do an ice plunge
23:40and then three you gotta do a run and then exactly at four o'clock you do and lift no that to me is
23:48not living so if um if you like to share a mirror of where you allow yourself to have those areas and
23:57steps of well at 4 13 i'm going to drink my protein shake and maybe i'm just not going to think about
24:064 45 i'm just going to say fuck it and i'm just going to go the rest of the day just whatever oh
24:13i ate i don't even know what time i ate oh i'm taking a shit i have no idea what time i'm wiping
24:18my ass going to a meeting i think like today with you i was telling you i'm almost a studio i was
24:25thinking to myself god i cannot be late for a mirror but i'm like i can't be perfect i can't be perfect
24:31but it doesn't mean i'm saying we need to be late to our meetings i'm not i don't want people
24:36to get that idea but even holding myself to where i was so structured uh to be perfect that i had to
24:45show up and be the first one to always show up and then i realized that when people were walking in
24:51i'm sitting here or i'm ready to get going and i watch people walk in they're having conversations
24:57laughing he he oh what you did and then i'm moving i'm thinking what the hell did i get here early
25:01for i'm watching everyone live a carefree life having conversations and laughter and i'm sitting
25:09here structured and let's go let's go let's go and i'm missing out on a jokes i'm missing out on a fun
25:16i'm missing out on a laughter so you're absolutely correct i also don't like to go into conversations
25:24when i'm interviewing about me or talking about me but that was part of perfection so now i'm in a
25:30place i just caught myself steven it's about amir jaffer shut up or two i mean see i like it i like
25:38the interviews to be a conversation because i mean you know we spoke on the phone uh last week right
25:44or 10 days ago yeah i know you a little bit but i still really don't know you so i you know what
25:49happens in interviews people are they're self-promoting i'm they're selling the product oh my film is
25:54coming out what's my film you know oh everybody i'm a director hey you know listen to me i have
25:58something important to say but i feel like sometimes you know we have very little time to
26:03get to know people who are interested in us like you i was like you know why why is steven
26:08interested in interviewing me i'm like a nobody right now i'm not a big famous filmmaker but but
26:13but yeah i like the the format of an interview being a conversation where you tell me a little bit
26:19about yourself and i share a little bit about myself you know i like that well and it well here's
26:25the thing the day when you're picking up your non-paid-to-play emmy and oscar and tony ward all
26:34the above and just so everyone who's tuning in i've got amir jaffer who is a cinematographer he's a
26:41director he's also a writer he he uh directed the incredible film i gotta pull it up here that's going
26:48to be at brave maker film festival i'm seeing here it's in consideration but it got a yes
26:55uh for the film not tonight i think to myself it doesn't matter whether someone won an award or not
27:04this is why we're here in our industry why we're doing what we do you're you told me something about
27:13you in the film not tonight why would i sit down and want to have a conversation because i had to
27:21answer the internal question why do i want to watch this so i would like to you know think of why did
27:29you direct it because there are people out there that that do things that don't care they're doing
27:35it just for the money but most people don't realize that directors producers and actors don't get paid
27:42like a regular nine to five job their contacts are not the same every time they don't live a predictable
27:49structured life so yeah i like to ask the question why whether you are steven spielberg or amir jaffer
27:56um yeah like i said to you earlier um i know i don't know what other filmmakers do what the
28:05approach is but my approach is like finding myself in those projects like this is a similar technique
28:10that actors right that you you pick a project and you say okay how much is this character like me and
28:15what's lacking how you know then you do your research and bring that in same same with me as a filmmaker
28:20like when i get a script and i've turned on some of the scripts and you know i don't think i can do this
28:25because uh i don't see myself in any of these characters as a as a person and um specifically
28:33about not tonight there were some discussions to be had you know since we're talking about not tonight
28:37um there was a scene um we can we can call it there's a bit of violence in that scene you've seen
28:44it i don't want to give it away right now um people can watch it on on a streaming platform later
28:49this year when it's released um we i we had to have a conversation we had to stop the camera i send
28:57the crew on a 10 minute break while i had a chat even though you know we we had a couple of rehearsals
29:03and with alison punit and tyler and we we discussed what the scene is about and how we're going to go
29:08about it and you know the actors were in agreement okay fine we we know where we're coming from and why
29:14are we doing this but as it happens all the time that no matter how much you rehearse the day of
29:21the filming sometimes nerves kick in sometimes you know we have our unresolved trauma as people so
29:28you become not just a director you become a therapist in that moment with the actor and and
29:33then i have to be vulnerable with them as well i have to open up myself let them know where i'm coming
29:37from and uh people claim to make you know films about domestic violence highlighting the this this
29:45stigma this this issue we have in our in our societies all over the world where where um spouses
29:52get abused by husbands for one reason or the other um they they're repeating this cycle of abuse that
29:59that they experience as child they witness in their home and then they continue with their spouses and
30:05the families and then their children pick it up and it's like a vicious cycle um and unfortunately
30:12most of us have experienced that growing up in our homes in in childhood um i experienced that a lot
30:20growing up in my home a father who was alcoholic and he didn't know that and we didn't know what those
30:25terms meant growing up uh somebody being alcoholic somebody being abusive um it was like you see some in
30:32some of the films it was to that extent it didn't make any sense father showing up drunk god knows
30:39what mood he is in something went wrong at work he's frustrated who's who does he take it out on he
30:44comes home and takes it on his family um and the thing is the the way we are all raised is like you
30:52know you've got to be in control of your bodies and yourself but sometimes when people people there
30:56they are dealing with um trauma they turn to alcohol or drugs and consuming those substances
31:04give some somehow gives them the permission to be who they really are the inside comes out sometimes
31:10that inside can be really ugly um so i was telling allison on the set when when nerves kicked in like
31:16you know oh my god i cannot do this even though we had talked about it she had read the script
31:21i had to open myself up say you know for me it's coming from a place of a child who saw that abuse
31:26happen in the house and of course allison didn't open up all the way but i could sense maybe something
31:32had happened in her in her life um so i had to be very careful about filming that scene uh of course
31:38when you watch the scene it goes like this because you know it's it's very fast moving fast pace
31:44um but but to get to that point to have the actors give it their all again you have to make the actor
31:52feel comfortable as a filmmaker and for me that requires opening up my vulnerabilities and let them
31:58know hey i i dealt with this thing but i'm not in front of the camera i'm behind it but i know what
32:05you feel i know what you're feeling in this moment um so so i that's that's why i feel it's important
32:12um to filmmakers to be part therapist um that that you're able to tap into that you know whatever
32:21the emotions your actors are feeling and and it's always it always comes down to that one thing
32:27a space where actors feel safe whether you're doing a 500 million dollar film or you're doing a you
32:35know 500 000 film or even 50 000 film that you create that space where actors are able to
32:42feel comfortable and once you you make that happen you're going to get brilliant performances from
32:49actors exactly and it goes back to where you were bringing up about addiction um
32:57perfectionism is what i learned in my life growing up in an environment like that of having parents
33:06who struggled with addiction because the behavior which i can speak on to be perfect and have
33:14everything perfect is uh it's a self-reassurance behavior pattern to consciously i would say it's
33:25almost like a way of self-soothing in comparison to humming or singing because i i feel it just tells the
33:33sympathetic nervous system okay i got this in control so i'm safe now to move to this next step
33:39now i'm going to control this to make sure that i don't get into fight or flight then i move on and
33:46it really is steps uh it's easier said than done it's a conversation i had with a co-worker just two days
33:57ago it's been a an emotional powerful week about all these different psychological things that are
34:03going on and transitions that are happening in people's lives because we truly don't know what's
34:09going on in someone's life and i just said privately to this person that i understand you were bullied
34:15i understand that something happened in your life and you have not resolved it i can recognize the signs
34:22because i was there once like you i said you can't treat other people the way people had treated you
34:30and i know she had taken that extremely hard because she knew what i was talking about but what i knew in
34:38that conversation what really hit her hard is that she never considered that her behaviors and her having to
34:50not only feel in control to be safe in her life she needed to control everything and everyone around
34:56her and i told her that those behaviors and behavior patterns of her having to control everything and
35:02everyone around her so that she could feel safe she was also being a bully yeah and man did it open up
35:13her eyes but i had such compassion for the fact that that's not easy to say that you became your worst
35:20nightmare you became what was perpetrated against you now you became the perpetrator it's unfortunate but
35:29it happens i mean you know broken people create broken people as i say you know parents who have
35:36unresolved issues uh they they you know create that that environment which their children don't feel
35:44safe in and and they're creating those damaged individuals when they grow up and they're carrying
35:50the trauma like i feel i don't know like i said you know i i'm from a different generation i'm gen x
35:55and um this year i i just thought about it last time this year in july will be my my 27th anniversary
36:03since i moved to the united states so right now i've spent half of my life in my old country
36:10of pakistan and half of my life here in the united states in the bay area so i i've seen both sides of
36:17the world and and one of the things helped me i mean it's tragic it's funny and tragic at the same
36:24time one of the things that helped me assimilate in the united states and the culture here was i come
36:29from a dysfunctional family and there were a lot of folks here from dysfunctional families
36:34so we could relate through our trauma it's sad but but that's that's you know that's the universal
36:42thing that i feel like it doesn't matter what your culture background is where i think background is
36:48where you come from people are people and there's the same you take away the the language barrier you
36:54take away the politics you take away the religion what god they worship and follow um people are the
36:59same world over um we we and and that's the interesting part of being a filmmaker because i can
37:06i can tap into those um unresolved issues that i've had and and part of me feels like i'm maybe
37:16make a filmmaker because i'm this is therapy for me i'm i'm dealing with my therapy through creating
37:22these characters and and directing them on set and okay this happened in my real life maybe in this
37:28one they will take a different path in the actual film different from the path i chose back in the day
37:34you know so it's very it's very interesting um from me again i'm just being honest with you like
37:41filmmaking is therapy for me filmmaking is um me dealing with my unresolved trauma filmmaking for me is
37:48uh finding myself in these these characters and and seeing different parts of me in those characters
37:54and saying okay you maybe choose a different path so it's funny that way you know i'm happy for you
38:01i'm excited for you i'm proud of you your message speaks loud and clear with no contradiction that's
38:09not an easy task to do to carry something that is of you and be so real and and raw and authentic
38:19and no matter how anyone perceives you whether in pakistan or here in the states you're a mere jaffer
38:27and that's who you show up that's how you move and that's how you go to bed at night yeah yeah
38:33yeah it's true yeah any closing thoughts i just um want people to feel liberated um when they watch my
38:46films and i want them to um heal whatever is unhealed or they they that needs some attention
38:54um that's that's what my my hope is like from now till when i when i die i i just hope anything
39:02that i put out there uh people understand that this is not just a film i made with some characters
39:07i i want you to watch the film and take away maybe inspiration some something that helps you in your
39:16everyday life you know i love it thank you amir thank you so much for for having me you're welcome
39:24thank you to everyone who's tuned into the live on air with steven cuoco on power 98.5 satellite radio
39:30as well as biz talk radio you can find all of this and more on power 985.com biz tv.com biz talk radio.com
39:40and you can catch live on air with steven cuoco on any one of your favorite podcast platforms
39:45have a great day everyone
39:47i can speak right i'll call in one moment
40:01you