Malcolm In The Middle Season 6 Episode 5 Kitty's Back
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00:00Satsang with Mooji
00:30Satsang with Mooji
01:00Satsang with Mooji
01:30Satsang with Mooji
01:59down. It sure is. I hope you like your present, honey. You know, birthdays are gonna be a little
02:05thin around here until we get back on our feet. No, I love my quarters of America. See, we started
02:12you out with California and Maine. Oops, these are both Maine. Well, guess you won't be needing
02:21this one. Where's Francis? He was supposed to be here for my party. Oh, he called. There was a TV
02:28show he wanted to finish watching. He'll get here after your bedtime. Listen, I don't want to step on
02:34Dewey's big day here. Don't worry about it. But I just can't keep the news to myself. Stevie has been
02:41chosen to receive a Teen Courtesy Award. Oh, that's fantastic. I don't know anyone who deserves it
02:49more. What is it? The International Courtesy Association is awarding him a gallant. That's
02:58the award they give to the youngster who best observes the Teen Courtesy Pledge to be clean,
03:04quiet, polite, and obedient. Congratulations, Stevie. Thank you. See? He can't turn it off. Well,
03:13we're all very proud of you, Stevie. I'd keep this Courtesy Award to myself. That crippled thing
03:19will only protect you so much. The award dinner's on the 12th. We want you all to come. You've been so
03:26good to us through the difficulties, even just like family. How's the divorce going, Abe? Have
03:33you been able to find Kitty? No address, but when I searched the internet, I found some interesting
03:38pictures of her. From what I could tell, she seems to have overcome her fear of meeting new people.
03:44But hey, I'm looking forward. Why, just yesterday, this cute new teller at my bank started flirting
03:51with me. Really? Get this. She told me I forgot to date my chick. Date, Al. Whoa!
04:01You excited about this Courtesy Award? I'll need your help with my acceptance speech.
04:21There are so many people to think. Have you thought about a blanket, thank you?
04:36I have a plan. Oh my God! This is so cool! Did you know that underneath your skin, there's
04:46more skin? Why have I always been so careful?
04:57Thanks for a wonderful night. You know what? I'm seriously thinking about dropping by my
05:02bank tomorrow and asking that new teller for some penny rolls. Hey, Mr. Hot Stuff, save some
05:08money for the other fellas. Bye-bye, guys. Good night. Bye. Come on, son.
05:20Kitty? Kitty Canarban? How long have you been out there? Not long. All night. It looked like a lovely party.
05:30Kitty. Hi, Hal. Hi, Kitty. I should just, um...
05:40Hmm. What are you doing here? Well, I've sort of been stalking my family, trying to get the nerve
05:48to talk to them. I want to come back. You want to come back?
05:55I know what I did was terrible. I don't know what happened to me. I guess I spent so much
06:00of my life being righteous and uptight and good that something in me finally snapped and I had to
06:05be bad. The last two years of my life have been a nightmarish blur of booze benches and hotel rooms.
06:12Oh, there were so many parties, so many weird scenes. The childhood game of musical chairs will
06:18never be the same for me. Neither will Chutes and Ladders Candyland or Capture the Flag. But you know
06:27what's really amazing? Now that I have done literally everything, I'm finished. I'm done.
06:37You've done everything and now I'm done. Done for good. Wait, I don't get Candyland. I am so sorry for what I've
06:47done. I just want to throw myself at Abe's feet and beg his forgiveness, but it just seems impossible.
06:56Could you find it in your hearts to maybe talk to him for me? Oh, Kitty.
07:06There's not a chance in the world I would ever do that for you.
07:10But you abandoned your family. Do you have any idea of the pain and humiliation you inflicted on that
07:19dear, sweet man and that poor, innocent boy? I know you and I used to be friends, but what you've done
07:26is so creepy and evil, it doesn't get fixed with, I'm sorry. It just doesn't.
07:32Yeah, that's pretty much it. Hey, where's the party? Oh, hi, Kitty.
07:45Okay, we'll catch up later.
08:04Okay, Dewey, since you are now officially old enough, today is the day we start your initiation into full
08:10brotherhood. Wow, really? Yep, Reese went through this, Malcolm went through this, and now it is your
08:16turn. Neat, when do we start? Right now. Get out of bed and lie down on the floor of brotherhood.
08:25And give me the pillow of fraternity.
08:27Hey, Abe. We need to talk. What's going on? Give me a second. I'm just so agitated.
08:41What's the matter? Kitty came over last night. Oh, Abe. Would you like some tea or something?
08:48No, thank you, but I would like some clarification. What? Did you actually call the woman I love
08:54creepy and evil? Wait a minute. You're mad at me? What happened, babe? Kitty and I talked all night
09:08long. She told me about everything. Every horrifying detail was covered. And by morning,
09:15we decided to try and make a go of it. Stevie's over the moon. The boy needs a mother. And Lord
09:22knows I need a wife. So in the future, Lois, I'd appreciate a bit more support and respect for my
09:31wife. You're mad at me? What, you're going to pretend that the last two years just didn't happen?
09:38No, but I don't see the need for you to bring it up when you're not an affected party.
09:43You guys have to see this. You know how you thought I would never do anything with my life?
09:47Well, prepare to be blown away. I'm going for the full body, head to toe. One continuous skin.
09:56It'll be the greatest thing ever. Reese, get that off my chair and get out of here. We're discussing
10:04something important. Fine. You're not getting one dime all the film rights.
10:09Abe, how can you be mad at me? I've been there for you. Day after day, month after month,
10:16through all the dinners and the tearful phone conversations, the parent teacher conferences
10:21for Stevie. For God's sake, Abe, I'm your friend. Then I wish you'd start acting like one.
10:28Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wedding album I have to take back together.
10:39Receive the mystic waters that unite us in fraternal bonds.
10:47For though we are divided by maternal evil, so shall we be.
10:53Okay, I felt something down there.
11:01Okay, Dewey, eat up. You're going to need your nourishment if you're going to get through these
11:06next three days. You took three days off work to do this?
11:10Quit stalling and suck ants.
11:18Most of all, I'd like to thank my father.
11:29Got it.
11:40Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, esteemed colleagues of courtesy, you honor me,
11:45but I can't let this occasion pass without remarking that you all share in this award.
11:49Tonight, help me raise the banner of cordiality and strike a blow for civility as we kiss rudeness
11:54goodbye and wish it well. And for...
11:57Reese, we're working on Stevie's speech.
12:01I'm at a critical juncture here. I've hit a mole and I'm trying to decide if I should work around it
12:06or try to dig it out. The roots are pretty shallow.
12:09That's grotesque, Reese.
12:10You don't understand the important work I'm doing here, Malcolm.
12:14I'm creating a whole new Reese, shedding my old life. That's how snakes live forever.
12:20You're an idiot.
12:22I thought you boys might like some chips and lemonade.
12:26No, thanks.
12:28My creepy mom gave me juice.
12:35It's not right, Hal. It's just not right. What business do they have being angry at me?
12:40Kitty ruined their lives. She tore them apart. She torched them for two years. And I'm the bad guy?
12:46I'm not the one with the STD named after me.
12:49I'm not the one who smuggled Lord knows what in Lord knows where across the Turkish border.
12:56Hal.
12:57You're absolutely right, huh? You're right. I couldn't have said it better myself.
13:00Hal, you're really not helping.
13:02I'm sorry, Lois, but you sort of brought this on yourself. I mean,
13:05you should have known better than to say something bad about the girl after a guy breaks up with her.
13:10They always wind up getting back together.
13:12This isn't Biff and Buffy breaking up before the high school dance.
13:16I just, I don't understand how he could take her back.
13:20He's in love with her. And despite everything that's happened, he's still in love with her.
13:25I understand that. I would take you back if it happened to us.
13:29Oh, you would not. How can you say that?
13:32There's no life without you.
13:38Shut up and go to sleep.
13:39Aren't you a little old for this?
13:45Prepare to drink from the chalice of brotherhood.
13:50Something smells horrible. Is that the drip pan?
13:54You're not supposed to know.
13:57I'm not drinking from that. It's disgusting.
14:01Yes, it is disgusting, but it must be done.
14:04Oh, man.
14:11Awesome, Dewey. You did it.
14:14I'm done?
14:15You passed with flying colors. You are now a full brother.
14:20And now I would like to present to you the cookie of brotherhood.
14:29That's it?
14:29What do you mean?
14:30I did all that crap for a stupid cookie?
14:33It's a meaningful cookie.
14:36It's a symbol of something really cool and special, you little ingrate.
14:39It's a symbol of what an idiot I am.
14:42You know nothing of fraternity and sacred rituals.
14:46Give me back my cookie.
14:51Well, I had a little bump in the road.
14:53I totally forgot I wasn't sunburned underneath my swimming suit.
14:59Are you wearing leg warmers?
15:00Anything worth doing is worth doing right.
15:10And save.
15:11I think this is going to work.
15:12Why is your mom so mean?
15:19I guess when you find something you're really good at, you just stick with it.
15:22I'm glad you understand about my mom.
15:29Why would you ever think that?
15:31What?
15:31Stevie, I'm sure whatever my mom said was way too harsh and totally unjustified.
15:37But your mom abandoned you guys.
15:39Don't you even care about all the crap she put you and your dad through?
15:42She shouldn't be able to just say I'm sorry and get away with it.
15:46This conversation is over.
15:58Right now.
16:03Can anyone help me?
16:04I can't reach this.
16:05Get that thing out of here.
16:07You're spending all this time with Stevie,
16:09helping him with his little wussy ward,
16:11and you won't even help someone in your own family reach immortality?
16:15Move.
16:16Stevie.
16:17Wait.
16:18Wait, guys.
16:20Okay.
16:21Okay.
16:21I see how it is.
16:24You want my dream to die.
16:25I'm sorry you guys are going to miss Stevie's award.
16:39Make sure you keep checking in on Dewey.
16:41What did the doctor say?
16:42It's weird.
16:44He said it's some kind of intestinal thing that people in third world countries get from drinking
16:49stagnant water.
16:51Huh.
16:52That is weird.
16:53You know, you don't have to go.
16:55Oh, Hal, Stevie's a wonderful boy.
16:58I'm going to go and support him.
17:00He doesn't want you there.
17:01Well, that's too damn bad.
17:03I'm going to support him whether he wants it or not.
17:05They think I'm the one with the problem and they are wrong.
17:08Hal, they are wrong.
17:10And I'm not going to let them get away with it.
17:11I just think it's going to be a little uncomfortable.
17:14Oh, I guarantee it's going to be uncomfortable.
17:17And if you do anything to make it any less uncomfortable,
17:21I will never forgive you.
17:23Pardon me.
17:25It's nice to meet you.
17:26And I'm bossy.
17:28That's how we greet you.
17:30Hip hop hooray.
17:32Oh, thank you, sir.
17:37Please a lot.
17:38And Jam Master, thank you.
17:40Who says rap has to be rude?
17:44Yeah.
17:44I wish I could thank each and every one of you for making this night possible.
17:55But there isn't time.
17:59I'm kidding.
18:00Of course there is.
18:03Aaron Arison, Barnett Arison, Barnett Arison Jr.
18:11I can't believe you brought that thing with you.
18:15It has a name, Malcolm.
18:16Even though the mashed potatoes are not supposed to come with the duck,
18:20cram them in there anyway, whether the duck likes it or not.
18:24Ma'am?
18:26The beef.
18:27Even though it's the carrots that are the problem,
18:29I'd like to exclude the broccoli.
18:31That may work as a metaphor, ma'am, but you're really screwing up your entree.
18:36I'll just have another margarita.
18:40Oh, and hurry, it's sort of an emergency.
18:45Need another roll in there, Dewey?
18:46Shut up.
18:48I'm really sorry.
18:50I got carried away.
18:53I just, I miss you guys.
18:56And let's face it, torture and humiliation are the only ways we have ever known to say we love each other.
19:02We know you're only making yourself feel better.
19:05Okay, okay.
19:08I want to give you something, Dewey.
19:10Something special.
19:12I've never even told Reese or Malcolm about it.
19:14It's like the ultimate defense against mom and dad.
19:17Totally bulletproof.
19:20I'm listening.
19:22In mom and dad's bedroom on the nightstand next to mom's side is a big vanilla candle.
19:27Have you seen it?
19:29Yeah.
19:29Mom and dad like to use that candle when they, um, lock their door and do grown-up stuff.
19:38You mean sex?
19:40I'm afraid so.
19:42Now it's gotten to the point that every time that candle is lit, all they can think about is
19:48going back to their room.
19:49I have never seen it miss.
19:56Wow.
19:57Thanks.
19:58You're now brothers of the candle.
20:01Francis, you gotta stop that.
20:09I have another margarita.
20:13Well, I'm learning a lot tonight.
20:15I never dreamt there were so many ways of saying thank you.
20:18I wish there were more ways to say you're not welcome.
20:21Excuse me.
20:21You know what I never have?
20:25A margarita.
20:33Lois, please, this is just too tense.
20:35I'm sorry I don't have amnesia.
20:38You're the only one who has a problem with this.
20:40You are one polite old bag.
20:45You know that, honey?
20:46I hope he...
20:47Excuse me.
20:48Come here, oldie.
20:49Give us a hug.
20:51Yeah.
20:51He's cut off.
20:53Hey, that's Kitty Carnarvon at your table, right?
20:56Yeah.
20:56So are both of you into the same scene?
21:00You know, snip, snip.
21:02I beg your pardon.
21:05Ah, nothing.
21:05Nothing.
21:06Uh, listen, um, could you give this to Kitty?
21:10We were both in the, uh, choir together and I thought maybe she'd like to join us for practice sometime.
21:18I'd be happy to.
21:20Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome beloved PBS children's TV icon, Frank Walston.
21:31Before we bring out our guest of honor, I'd like to say a few words about courtesy.
21:38Now, I know that good manners sometimes seem like just a bunch of dumb old rules our parents invented
21:45so they could scold us.
21:46You got that right!
21:51But, but manners are so much more.
21:54Only human beings have a system that reminds us to care about each other.
22:01It is how we live in grace.
22:05Manners are what allow us to be kind to each other, to live with each other.
22:11But most importantly, they are how we forgive each other.
22:18And in the end, they allow us to listen to the voices of our better angels.
22:24Now, can I tell you my favorite thing about manners?
22:28It'll work if you don't ask.
22:31You're welcome to mention it.
22:33These are my gifts.
22:35Kitty, please forgive me.
22:37Well, the best part is yet to come.
22:43So let us give a warm courtesy welcome to this year's gallant, no goof as he,
22:52our own Stevie Conorban.
23:05Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, esteemed colleagues of courtesy, you honor me.
23:14But I can't let this occasion pass without remarking that you all blow, blow, blow, blow.
23:20It means so much. It requires so little to take a moment to kiss my butt.
23:29In conclusion, I feel the evening would be incomplete without telling the world that I am actually a lady.
23:36Thank you. Go to hell.
23:40He can talk. He's cured.
23:46Reese, your punishment isn't over until that bathroom floor is so clean you can eat off of it,
23:51which is what you're going to be doing for the next two weeks.
23:54And get rid of that thing. It's disgusting.
23:58Disgusting?
24:00If Malcolm made another ham out of hair, you'd be throwing a parade for him right now.
24:06No! He just took it.
24:14That could have been me.
24:22I need a few minutes along with the vacuum.
24:36You're supposed to sign this.
24:44Disrupted class?
24:47Insulted the teacher?
24:48Dewey!
24:49You are in so much...
24:53trouble!
24:54Okay, first off, we have to figure out a punish...
24:58uh...
25:00punishment.
25:00That's right, and it's going to be really, really...
25:04That's nice, honey.
25:06You are going to, uh, to...
25:12Uh, Dewey, we're going to talk about this later.
25:15That's right.
25:16Lois, there's something in the bedroom I've wanted to show you.
25:18Oh...
25:23How are we going to do so much?
25:26The time to rub the room...
25:28How are we going to do so much for this one?
25:29Yeah, I'm trying to just...
25:30Things are going to do too much for this.
25:32We're going to try.
25:33No.
25:34Closed Captions are not allowed to do so much for the new year.
25:36We've got to go to the little old yet now.
25:37We're going to try.
25:38Well done.
25:39And now we're going to the next episode.
25:40We've got to go.
25:42We've got to go.
25:43Uh!
25:44We've got to go.