- 02/05/2025
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00:00VV! VV! Bookham! Send them off!
00:30Who's that fowlman? Ainsworth. Jesus, if we lose him.
00:33Look at the bloody linesman running up and down there,
00:36tripping over his own bloody beer belly. Get him off.
00:40Ruffer, he's a fucking twat.
00:43Honestly, if we go in the playoffs and this club goes up,
00:46it's going to need a lot of money to keep us going.
00:49Sorry, us? The team, darling.
00:51Oh, yes, the Reds. No, the Blues.
00:54Oh, yes, the Blues, darling.
00:56I don't know how much it costs to buy a club.
00:58Probably three, four... What?
01:00No, this is what I love, darling. Oh, no, darling.
01:04I'll just have my own club, like Delia's got her own club.
01:07Sandwich?
01:08No, not club sandwich. You're not funny, you know. Norridge.
01:13Oh! OK, I'm sponsoring the TV Pick Awards.
01:16I'll be going. We should, darling. It's good to be seen.
01:19Crack open the Versace pants. There could be some podium action.
01:23Kick it! Apparently, Chris Connor, you know, is on his way out.
01:26Yeah, might knock him off the top spot.
01:28He's looking very desperate. He's doing all the talk shows at the moment.
01:31Well, you see, he's just drumming for votes, darling.
01:32Well, look, Chris, you've got the TV Pick Awards next week.
01:43Or should I call it the Chris Connor Awards?
01:44Sweet, you can call it what you want and you look absolutely lovely as always.
01:47Yes, thank you.
01:48Now, stop it. This is the best daytime talk show.
01:51You do it every year. How do you do it?
01:53With you, darling, any way you want.
01:55But seriously, where's the competition?
01:58Well, I'll tell you where the competition is. You've got Tricia, you've got Vanessa, you've got the lovely Vivian Vile.
02:03Lovely.
02:07With the US, as we know, the TV Pick Awards are voted for by the public.
02:10They are indeed. They are.
02:12They are.
02:13And maybe you're at an advantage because you have your legion of female fans who vote for you every year.
02:19Every year, best daytime talk show. Will they do it again this year?
02:22There's only one lady I'm interested in for.
02:25Thank you very much indeed.
02:28And thank you.
02:29Mr. Chris Connor, good luck.
02:31Oh, hello.
02:32Oh, and GMTV are waiting for you to make up. They're going to make you up. They're going to interview you there.
02:37Hello. Good morning.
02:38I'm not made up. I'm not made up.
02:39No, no, no.
02:39They're going to make you up.
02:40I'm not on camera. Jesus.
02:42Yeah, come on. Darling, yeah.
02:44Yeah, oh, it's TV Picks. You know, it's going to look great on camera.
02:48Anyway, come on. Energy. Energy.
02:50You know, this is our year.
02:51Our year? They're interviewing you.
02:52What? Who? Lynne?
02:54Lorraine Kelly.
02:54Uh, no. It's Lynne.
02:56Lynne?
02:56Yeah. Lynne...
02:57Lynne folds wood.
03:00Uh, no.
03:01Oh, actually, yeah, she is.
03:03Yeah.
03:03Lynne folds wood.
03:04Fucking watchdog wood.
03:06Wood? What's the problem?
03:07She hates me.
03:08Oh, come on. Just get jiggy with it.
03:10You can do anything with these. Quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly.
03:14It's fine.
03:14Darling, can you make sure someone's giving me a coffee?
03:16Yeah, they're bringing it now.
03:17And the notes for today's show?
03:19Oh, yeah. They're on their way.
03:20Are you still pregnant?
03:21Yes.
03:23Come.
03:23Oh, sorry.
03:25Can we start yet?
03:27Yes.
03:27Sorry, Lynne.
03:28Good.
03:29Well, hi. Hello there, Vivian.
03:31How are you?
03:32I'm well.
03:33How are you?
03:33You're looking lovely.
03:35It's really exciting being here.
03:36Yes, isn't it?
03:37Isn't it?
03:37Thank you so much for having us.
03:39It's a pleasure.
03:40Pleasure.
03:41So, tell me, how are you feeling about the TV Pick Awards?
03:45Well, it's funny because I was just talking to my PA, Dionne, and seeing how exciting it
03:50is.
03:50But also, with the hair and the makeup and having to get the right dress, it can be such
03:54a stress.
03:55You know, I feel as if I really know you because, you know, Viv and I, we worked together, oh,
03:59years and years ago at TV AM. Do you remember?
04:04So, we've got everything we need. Now, before you start putting your tiles on your wall, get
04:08your stick and measure your stick so you know when your tiles go up, exactly where they're
04:13going to go.
04:14You're not actually going to show clips, are you?
04:16So, Viv, tell me, what are you doing in the show today?
04:21Today's show, Lynn, is a catch-up show. It's a show where guests that have previously been
04:25on come back and we see how they're doing. Today, I think we're seeing Jane and Keith will
04:30be on.
04:30It's Jamie and Kath.
04:33Yes, who are a lovely couple.
04:35Do you know, despite the disgust I feel at your behaviour, the revulsion I have at your
04:44lifestyle of drugs and crime, despite the contempt that I and any taxpayers in my audience feel
04:53for you, I am going to help you.
04:59There's something I've always wondered. Why do you do this show?
05:04Well, sorry, I was about to call you Lorraine. I'm hoping for Lorraine. Lynn. It's meaningful.
05:13And Vivian Vile is very, very different to other shows like Chris Conner, who I like and
05:18I do admire as a colleague.
05:20Do you?
05:21Yes. But our show, I don't see as entertainment. I think it's helping people in a very real sense.
05:27Really? You really do?
05:29Yes. But I'll tell you something. I can't stop them taking your kids away from you. I
05:32can't do that.
05:34But Viv, your research team said it.
05:35Nobody has said anything.
05:37You shut up.
05:39You are on the Vivian Vile show.
05:40I do the talking.
05:42All right.
05:42I don't like you.
05:48And I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for Kath. And I'm doing it for Kath, ladies and
05:53gentlemen, and the little baby she's got inside of her right now.
05:58Now, I can be a teeny bit aggressive at times, but you're really aggressive.
06:03Do you think so? I, you see, I think the difference is that, um, I'm honest. I tell people the
06:10truth. And if you think that's aggressive, well, Emily, you can be the judge of that, really.
06:13No, I'd judge it aggressive.
06:15All right. The way I, this show, this show is about people voluntarily coming back to show
06:20us how much we've helped them.
06:21Yeah, but they're scared not to come back.
06:23They're scared.
06:24You're scary.
06:25Listen, I mean, the thing is, all right, um, some people like to knock this show. I mean,
06:31I've had my knockers. And I, I, I get angry, but I don't get angry for myself. I simply get
06:37angry for the people that come on my show, for my guests, who trust me.
06:41Come on, you're helping them because they help you. It's just telly.
06:46Hello. Hello.
06:48Hello.
06:49Hiya.
06:51Vivian won't be long now. She'll be back. We'll just have a, a little chat.
06:55Shall we?
06:55Just keep it going, Carol. I don't know what's going on here.
06:57Waiting for Viv's.
06:58Where are we, she?
07:00I've got a couple here. I want to go to the loo. Is that all right?
07:02Yep. Whatever.
07:03Yeah, that's fine. But, um, be quick. Well, as quick as you can.
07:06All right.
07:06What the hell is happening? Desmond, it's ridiculous.
07:10The makeup have just left me in the chair. I'm half done.
07:13Oh, oh, sorry. Sorry. Um, who's this?
07:17GMTV.
07:18Oh. Why?
07:20We're up for a TV shit award.
07:22What?
07:22TV pick award, as voted for by the general moronship of this country.
07:26She's on her way to the floor.
07:28Yep.
07:29Right. Run up the intro.
07:30She's not here yet.
07:31Fuck.
07:32I'm on. I just need to get some Ascara.
07:34Fuck.
07:35Sorry. Fuck.
07:36Fuck.
07:37You're not actually accusing that, are you?
07:39Uh, yeah.
07:40Well, I won't release it.
07:41Um, everybody, um, just remember that crews are in, right, and so be on your, um, best behaviour.
07:47Can I close the week?
07:49Well, I've got a couple of sleep in the toilet.
07:51What?
07:52I don't know what they're doing.
07:53No.
07:54No, no, they went separately.
07:57I hear we're up for a TV pick award.
07:59We?
08:00Jesus.
08:01Oh, no, there you are. Look, stop, stop.
08:02Look, those shoes. Come on.
08:03You need to finish me?
08:04I can't right now. I'll come and find you.
08:05No, but I'm...
08:06Where, where are you going?
08:07I've chosen all these shoes.
08:08Well, they look like old ladies shoes.
08:09Viva Bids.
08:10Look.
08:11Well, they're completely wrong. I don't even wear those with slacks. Look at these ones.
08:12What's with all the shoes?
08:13Oh, sorry, then. It's just that the, um, the shoes that they've given me in my dressing
08:14room are the same shoes I wore in the previously of the catch-up that we're doing.
08:17Do you see what I mean? So I can't...
08:18I'm sorry.
08:19I don't think I'm going to get you for a bit of this.
08:20Oh.
08:21Well, while you're doing that, can I...
08:22I'm sorry.
08:23I'm sorry.
08:24I'm sorry.
08:25While you're doing that, can I ask you about some of the shows you've done in the last
08:36year, like Father, Wherefore Art Thou? Apparently that was on-the-spot cheek swab.
08:42Yes.
08:43DNA testing.
08:44What do you want me to do?
08:45Well, call Jared. Baby Jared could come.
08:47Well, he's on his way, but I don't think he'll be here in time.
08:50What about I'm the Son of God? That was an examination of schizophrenia,
08:54via a Best Jesus competition, chaired by a defrocked homosexual bishop.
09:00Yes.
09:01You don't think this is an odd thing to say, but I'm glad you're crying.
09:05Look at Jamie. You're hurting, aren't you, Jamie?
09:08You're hurting. I can tell you are hurting.
09:12Do you know why I think you're hurting? Because I think you're actually a man who loves his kids.
09:18Are you a criminal?
09:20Do you fund your drug habit with crime, Jamie? Yes or no?
09:23Look me in the eye. Look at me, Jamie. Look me in the eye. It's just you and me here.
09:30Do you fund your drug habit with crime? Are you a criminal? Look me in the eye, Jamie.
09:36Are you a criminal? Yeah. Yeah. Good. Well done. Thank you for looking me in the eye. That's a brave man, ladies and gentlemen.
09:51Yeah, babe, darling, babe. We've now got like six cameras waiting.
09:55I know. What's the problem? I mean, come on. Can we just, you know, like, get a move on?
10:00Oh, her shoes. Helena, Helena, Helena, Helena, Helena.
10:04We need your shoes. Can we go with this? Yes, yes, yes. You can have my lovely shoes. You can have anything, almost anything, but just going to get a move on. Hello.
10:11Look at my face. Look all right? Yep. Great. What about, you know, your adult late night specials? Farmyard Friends. Bestiality?
10:22No, they're still warm. They're still warm. I won't put them on when they're warm.
10:25Having fun with your excrement coprophilia. Is this the stuff of award-winning TV?
10:32Where did you get that from, all that stuff? We haven't done those adult specials yet.
10:35From Helena. Just in development. Well, as for award-winning, let's let the public decide, shall we, Lynne?
10:43The show we're doing today is about human reality. Follow me. Follow me. Oh, good luck.
10:52Where's she gone? Where's she gone?
11:00There she blows. Standby two. Kira. Welcome back to the Vivian Vile show. You're watching I'm Vivian Vile. Remember this?
11:06Remain, kids. It's no one else's business, mate. You sit down and shut up. You have made it everybody's business.
11:13You, young man, have made it everybody's business by coming onto national television.
11:19You all right, mate? You all right? I could do with a smoke, miss.
11:22No, mate. No. You're clean, remember? Look, come on. Why don't you give each other a nice big hug, eh?
11:27Really, mate? I need a smoke. Look, I'll tell you what I'll do, yeah? I'll sort some out for you after. After, yeah?
11:33Honest brother, I'll tell you what, I'll have a smoke ready for you, I promise, yeah?
11:35Oh, balls to your national television!
11:37I feel sick. They're going to boo at us when we come out.
11:47They won't. It's all fixed. Look, Viv will take care without no problems, yeah?
11:51Shocking scenes. I'm sure you'll all agree.
11:54It'll be fine. Look, come on. Why don't you hold hands? Come on, you love each other. Yeah, up you get.
11:59Yeah, you're going to be fine. You're just thinking about your kids, because they're the most important thing, yeah?
12:03Well, those two people came on the Vivian Vile Show because they wanted help.
12:07And they got it in the shape of Dr Jonathan Fowler, our Director of Aftercare Services.
12:11Go on, you're going to be fine. Nothing to worry about. Yeah?
12:15And they're back here today, so we can see how they've done.
12:18Please welcome onto the stage again, Jamie and Kath.
12:22Give them some respect. Give them a chance. Give them a chance, ladies and gentlemen.
12:31Welcome back, Jamie and Kath. I'm sorry about that.
12:34You're holding hands, that's lovely.
12:38Yes, Viv.
12:40How are you doing? You all right? How are you doing, Kath?
12:43Yeah, I'm all right, Viv.
12:45Yeah, you're looking good.
12:47Last time you were on the show, I told you to go away and clean up, didn't I?
12:52Told you to get off drugs, didn't I?
12:55Told you to leave your life of crime, get a job.
13:00Just have a look for them while we're on, Viv.
13:03That's great. That's really looking good out there.
13:07It's camera three.
13:08Darling, tickets for blind-worn dudes.
13:11Once for years.
13:14And you promised me that you would on national television, do you remember?
13:17Hmm? You said that you would.
13:18So how are you feeling about all that now, Kath?
13:20Picnicking or not picnicking, darling?
13:23No, no, no, no, no.
13:24Not out later.
13:25Not you, Jamie, I'm talking to Kath.
13:27Camera five, let's have a look at that audience shot.
13:29As a mother, I want to know her.
13:30Thank you. Cutting to you in a second.
13:32I'm feeling good.
13:33Oh, I'm a bit of mascara, sorry.
13:36Just, um, but not on the top, just a little bit along the bottom.
13:39You know what, I think you've done good because you chose to have help from our Director of Psychotherapy, Dr Jonathan Fowler.
13:45Let me remind you of that moment.
13:47And run VTA.
13:48Are you going to commit to change?
13:50Yes.
13:51Well, it starts right here and now with our Director of Aftercare Services, Dr Jonathan Fowler, ladies and gentlemen.
13:56Thank you very much.
14:02Jonathan, quite a pair you've got here.
14:04You've got your work cut out, I should imagine.
14:05Uh, maybe this time I have, Vivian, yes.
14:07Hmm.
14:08That's nice.
14:09Shit.
14:10What's the matter?
14:11I've got the same clothes on.
14:12Oh, nobody noticed.
14:13Just go, just go.
14:14Thanks, Louise.
14:15So let's welcome onto the stage now, Dr Jonathan Fowler.
14:18He's in the same clothes.
14:19He's in the same clothes.
14:20You want to stop the show?
14:21No.
14:22No, no, no, no.
14:23We're on a roll.
14:24We're not stopping the show for him.
14:25It's white.
14:26Several sessions of cognitive behavioural therapy, and I have to say that the codependent relationship,
14:39which we now know was underpinned by addictive personalities...
14:44There's no escaping it.
14:45He's killing this.
14:46...was, in fact, in danger of being repeated with their children.
14:50Mm-hm.
14:51Um, trans...
14:52No, he's losing the audience.
14:53He's going to have to cut him off.
14:54I think, um, actually what you're talking about here, if I might be so bold, is the family
14:59cycle of abuse.
15:00But can I just say one thing?
15:02Well done, Vivian.
15:03Well done, Viv.
15:04These people have surprised me.
15:06You have surprised me.
15:08I think you've proved to me and to my audience and possibly even to yourselves that you can
15:15change.
15:17That you can take a little bit of responsibility.
15:22There's something you don't know, Jamie and Kath.
15:25Your kids are here today.
15:26What?
15:27Where?
15:28They're backstage at the moment.
15:29Do you want to look at that screen?
15:30They're backstage as we speak with a social worker and one of our researchers.
15:35Can you say, can't wait to see you?
15:36Look, if you say, when are we coming home, you'll both get a lolly.
15:49Go on, say it into there.
15:50When are we coming home?
15:51Oh!
15:52Get the tears.
15:53Get those tears.
15:54Go on, close up on the tears.
15:55Where's the fucking camera on the audience?
15:56It doesn't happen any quicker if you shout.
15:57Come on.
15:58Just move away from the desk.
15:59What about that woman in the second row?
16:00Is she crying?
16:01Is she going to get a shot of her?
16:02Do your fucking job, people.
16:03Coming to you now, five.
16:04Five.
16:05Darling, I got those leather trousers for myself from Dolce Gabbana.
16:07I hope that's all right.
16:08For the awards.
16:09What's this?
16:10GMTV.
16:11Hello.
16:12Do you know something, Jamie and Kath?
16:13Because you have worked hard with our psychotherapist, Dr Jonathan Fowler, we've spoken to the social worker.
16:25She says you can indeed have your kids to come back and live with you in the house.
16:45Hang on a minute.
16:49Is that clear?
16:51I know it's not, that's not clear.
16:53Give it up for Jamie and Kath, ladies and gentlemen.
16:58Jamie and Kath on the Vivian Vile Show.
17:02You've been watching.
17:04I'm Vivian Vile from the heart.
17:07See you next time.
17:08Well done.
17:09Well done.
17:10Don't come near me, darling.
17:11Well done.
17:12You see, helping people is the only reward I need, Lynne.
17:17You don't like me and I don't care.
17:22Thanks very much, everyone.
17:24That's it for the day.
17:25See you all tomorrow morning.
17:26Sorry, you're going to have to pay off that social worker or something.
17:29Just pull the bloody show.
17:31You were great.
17:32You deserve the bloody award.
17:33No, I don't want that award.
17:34I'm not going to the awards.
17:35You can take my tickets.
17:36You know, they won't give it to you if you don't go.
17:38We'll never get it.
17:39Team effort.
17:40Yeah, yeah.
17:41Think of the team, Viv.
17:42It was a fucking mess because of these bloody shoes and your fucking midget fucking feet.
17:46Thank you very much.
17:47Oh, yeah, right.
17:48I don't want to go to the awards.
17:50It's just an industry slap on the back, isn't it?
17:52I've got ratings.
17:53I don't need an award.
17:54Come on, Jared.
17:55Darling, Viv.
17:56Oh.
17:57I don't know why we should go.
18:00About the awards, Helena.
18:02Will there be a place for me at the table?
18:04What?
18:11To Hayes on the left-hand side.
18:12Well whipped across.
18:13Oh!
18:14Oh!
18:15Oh!
18:16Oh!
18:17Oh!
18:18What's with the football?
18:20Oh, it's the bane of our existence.
18:23It's what she and her ex-dead husband got into.
18:27Oh, oh, oh.
18:29Darling,
18:31we have company.
18:32Oh, I'm watching.
18:33No, darling, Viv.
18:34Viv.
18:35Award-winning show.
18:36Viv.
18:37Award-winning show.
18:38That's what it sounds like, yeah?
18:39Yeah, what?
18:40Oh, Canada.
18:41Award-winning Vivian Bar...
18:42Oh, wait.
18:43Award-winning Vivian Bar show.
18:44Sounds marvellous.
18:45Yep, yep.
18:46Don't you only want to go because you've got the trousers.
18:48Anyway, the channel are breathing down my neck, so you've got to come for me.
18:51Oh, wait.
18:52Oh, wait.
18:53Oh, wait.
18:54Oh, wait.
18:55Oh, wait.
18:56Oh, wait.
18:57Oh, wait.
18:58It'll be a blast.
18:59Darling, no grown adult that isn't coked off a tit thinks that this is a good way to
19:04spend the evening.
19:06No.
19:07It's just for embryonic reality TV stars, isn't it?
19:09No, no, no.
19:10And there's, sort of, wood-stained tans and Barbie doll dresses and liggers.
19:13And Liggers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:15How do you know? You've never been there sober.
19:18Medieval, isn't it, darling?
19:20What was it? It was Hieronymus Bosch.
19:21It's daytime vision of TV hell, darling.
19:24Goal! Goal! Goal! Goal!
19:27Darling, is it because you've got nothing to wear?
19:29Because, look, I can lend you a stella.
19:30No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm styling her.
19:32It's Lulu and Robert Cavalli.
19:34Rock, chick.
19:35Um, don't lose it.
19:38Oh, Vin, Vin, Vin, Vin, Vin, Vin really loved the show.
19:43Oh? Yeah, yeah.
19:45Oh, yeah, yeah. She said she was really surprised.
19:48You know, she was going to say something to you,
19:50but you, um, you walked off or something.
19:52Oh. Mm.
19:58I probably have got something I could wear.
20:00Darling, it's the Lulu look.
20:02Rock and roll.
20:03Pendants, necklaces.
20:06High Vivian Westwood, tight boots.
20:08Get your boobies out.
20:09Plenty of cleaver, hmm?
20:11We'll wing it.
20:13We'll look like we've just walked off the beach.
20:15We don't give a shit.
20:17Sand in our hair.
20:18Burton and Taylor.
20:20Sun-kissed gods.
20:21So, whichever way, you win.
20:23You're not going to win anyway.
20:25I know.
20:26Who do you hear it from?
20:28Um, don't know.
20:29Uh, very good authority.
20:30Anyway, got to go.
20:31How are you?
20:31Yeah.
20:32Don't touch my plums.
20:33Display only.
20:37Oh, Tin Tinny.
20:37Oh.
20:38Oh.
20:38Oh.
20:38Oh, you do look at the tip too.
20:41Are you?
20:41Can you help me?
20:42Can you help me?
20:43I'm going to piss.
20:44Unless we get a clip on the right.
20:49What a good tip.
20:49Right, everybody.
21:03Um, I still don't know exactly who's coming, but I'm waiting for a phone call from a couple
21:10of friends and then we'll know who, all right, but everybody get ready just in case.
21:15Um, got a car.
21:18Can take two.
21:20The rest of you will have to tube it.
21:22What?
21:24Right.
21:24What?
21:40It's okay.
22:06No, he's not coming.
22:07No, he can't come though.
22:09It's all right.
22:09No, no.
22:10Oh, cool.
22:10Catch a little bit.
22:11Okay, bye.
22:12Yeah.
22:12Right, everybody can come.
22:15Oh.
22:16Everybody except Naomi.
22:21Jonathan, you're coming with me.
22:23Oh.
22:23Um, oh, you look nice.
22:25Oh, thank you.
22:26So do you.
22:28God.
22:29Come on, party.
22:35Oh, tickets.
22:35Do you get the tickets?
22:36Yeah, I've got the tickets.
22:37Okay.
22:37Oh, give him the sticker so that we can get, you put the sticker on the windscreen and it
22:43means we get straight up to the red carpet.
22:45Sticker on the windscreen.
22:45The police won't hold you up at the barrier.
22:47Yeah, he doesn't listen.
22:48Yeah, he doesn't listen.
22:48Yeah, he doesn't listen.
22:48Yeah, he doesn't listen.
22:48Yeah, he doesn't listen.
22:49Oh, I've got him.
22:50God, they're ridiculous, these cars, aren't they?
22:52They're rather great.
22:54I don't have any more.
22:55Shagmobiles.
22:56It's wiped out services.
22:57I've compied for my, um, blisters with these shoes.
23:01All right, slip them into your flats, darling.
23:02Have you?
23:03Oh, Jesus.
23:04You're so good.
23:06Oh, but you know, this is amazing.
23:13What is it?
23:14It's my muff.
23:16Can you just touch my muff?
23:20It's all right.
23:21It's all right.
23:22I'm not embarrassed by your muff.
23:35Are these darkened windows?
23:36No, darling, you own your glasses.
23:38And it's night time.
23:40Oh.
23:41So what, you've got a girlfriend then, have you?
23:44Or, um, boyfriend?
23:46Er, no, I have a girl, er, I have a partner.
23:50Is she a boy?
23:53Yeah.
23:54She is.
23:55No, she's not a boy.
23:56No, no.
23:57And can we please, when we get to the photographers, just zip through, just, you know.
24:00Yes, or twice.
24:01Once, once down that line.
24:02Unless they shout a lot.
24:03All right.
24:04And there's no one else coming.
24:05Do you have a, er...
24:06No.
24:07Boy?
24:08No.
24:09Girl?
24:10No.
24:12No.
24:13You're a very attractive woman.
24:20I'm not sure they're gonna be...
24:21Turn the radio up.
24:22Turn it off.
24:23No, turn it up.
24:24Turn it up.
24:25Turn it up.
24:26Are they playing tonight?
24:27Is it tonight?
24:28Yes, Mrs Smith.
24:29Darling, is it the playoff tonight?
24:30It's the playoff tonight.
24:31Oh, my God.
24:32Oh, I've got a speech, darling, in case you need to say anything.
24:35No, I know what I'm gonna say.
24:36Is it tonight, Ole?
24:37Look, I'm a play in Boston.
24:38Oh, goody, goody, goody.
24:39Hi, darling.
24:40Hi, hi, hi.
24:41What?
24:42No, what?
24:43Sorry, I can't hear you.
24:44What?
24:45No.
24:46What?
24:47Why?
24:48What?
24:49No.
24:50Come on, babe, please.
24:51Oh, come on, babe, please.
24:52What?
24:53What?
24:54What?
24:55What?
24:56Sorry, I can't hear you.
24:57What?
24:58No.
24:59What?
25:00Why?
25:01What?
25:02No.
25:03Come on, babe, please.
25:06Please.
25:07Please.
25:08Shit.
25:09Shit?
25:10What?
25:11It's not coming.
25:12What?
25:13Why?
25:14Well, I don't know.
25:17Come on, you blue boys.
25:19Come on, you boys in blue.
25:20Come along.
25:21Fuck it.
25:22Well, darling.
25:23What?
25:24What?
25:25What?
25:26What?
25:27What?
25:28What?
25:29What?
25:30What?
25:31What?
25:32What?
25:33What?
25:34What?
25:35What, darling?
25:36You knew this mattress on tonight, didn't you, Jared?
25:39No.
25:40Well, I thought, darling, your career, the awards.
25:42I thought that it would be...
25:43You don't do that thinking.
25:44I do that thinking.
25:45Oh.
25:46Helena, come over here and speak to me.
25:48You're looking fabulous this evening.
25:49Oh, excellent.
25:50Is Vivian coming this evening?
25:52Yeah, I'm afraid she's really ill.
25:53She's not well.
25:54She's not coming.
25:55Are you going to win tonight?
25:57I mean, she's not coming.
25:58She's not coming.
25:59I mean, she's not coming.
26:00She's not coming.
26:01I mean, she's not coming.
26:02I mean, she's not coming.
26:03I'm just...
26:04Oh, my God.
26:05Oh, my God.
26:06Yes, mate.
26:07Yes.
26:08Chris, are you feeling lucky tonight?
26:12I'm just, uh, delighted to be here, just, uh, once a question.
26:15I'd like to be here, that's all I'm about.
26:20Is this the new Mrs Connell?
26:26I'm getting ready because I'm on in a minute.
26:28I'm where?
26:29They're presenting me at half-time.
26:30Oh, darling.
26:31It's a great honour, darling.
26:32Can I stay here?
26:33No, you're coming with me.
26:34I'm not going on my own.
26:37Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to welcome onto the pitch one of our most famous
26:43supporters who has been a friend to the club for many years, Miss Vivian Vile.
26:49Oh, give it to me!
26:55But, ladies and gentlemen, Viv should be at an awards ceremony tonight.
27:02And there's something we'd like to show her over there on the big screen coming up now.
27:08OK, thank you. Settle down now, please.
27:11Come on, you lot, shut up. I want to be out of here before 2 o'clock in the morning.
27:15Now it's time for the award for best daytime talk show.
27:20You ready for this, Chris?
27:24And the winner is...
27:27It's that vicious tongue vixen herself, Vivian Vile!
27:31I won. I won. I won. I won. I won. I can't believe I've won an award. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is the greatest moment of my life. I've never won anything before. And I promise I will take the faith that you have shown in me.
27:48And we will go forward. We will enter the transfer market. You will get new blood at this club. We will buy a new stand. We will get into the premier ship.
27:53And I'll take you over here.
27:54Steady on, love. It's just a TV pig.
27:55Yeah, yeah, thanks.
27:56Well done, darling.
27:57Bye.
27:58Bye.
27:59Bye.
28:00Bye.
28:01Bye.
28:02Bye.
28:23Bye.
28:24Bye.
28:29Bye.
28:33Close to death, but need to get something off your chest? Don't want to take your secrets to the grave? We can help confront a terminal person with tough questions that require honest answers. The Vivian Vile show is doing a week-long special. Spill the beans before you kick the bucket. So if the air in your family needs to be cleared before that final breath is taken, contact us. We'd love to hear from you.
28:53Bye.
28:54Bye.
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