- 5/1/2025
Frasier Season 2 Episode 24 Dark Victory
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Well, Caroline, if you've been in therapy for two years and you feel like you're no longer making any progress,
00:05perhaps you've reached a plateau, or you and your therapist have simply gone as far as you can together.
00:13Maybe it is time for a change. He's kind of dry and long-winded.
00:19Well, two years is certainly a long time to spend with a psychiatrist you find dry and long-winded.
00:26Amen to that.
00:27Thanks, Dr. Crane. You've given me a lot to think about.
00:33Would it be okay if I fall back sometime and pick your brain?
00:37Well, just consider me your mental banjo.
00:42Well, that's it for this fine Friday, Seattle.
00:45This is Frasier Crane saying we'll see you next week.
00:50Good show, Frasier.
00:52All right. I've been waiting for this moment for the entire week.
00:57That's what I love about you, Frasier. You work hard and you play hard.
01:08Well, Ross, you have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this weekend.
01:12You know, there comes a time when even the most conscientious of psychiatrists has had his fill of other people's problems.
01:21Hi. Is one of you Ross Doyle?
01:23Yes.
01:25That's all the clues we're going to give you.
01:32A little offering from one of your suitors, perhaps, eh?
01:37A nice string of pearls, a teardrop pendant.
01:42It's a brick of cheese.
01:49Well, on the right chain, I can see that looking smart.
01:52Oh, it's for my family.
01:55They're in Wisconsin at my uncle's dairy farm having a family reunion.
01:59Oh, well, why didn't you go, Ross?
02:01Oh, it wasn't time.
02:02But now I wish I'd gone.
02:04Frasier, we always have so much fun.
02:07Like this one time, there was this huge cheese plow out,
02:10and one of my uncles started speaking in cheese language.
02:12You know, like, instead of saying, hello, how are you?
02:15He said, hello, how are you?
02:20And someone else would go, oh, I'm Gouda.
02:26And then, oh, I don't know what would come after that.
02:29Well, if I'd been there, the sound of a gunshot.
02:34Don't make fun.
02:36I miss those people.
02:38Oh, Ross.
02:39Oh.
02:41There, there.
02:42We play games and sing songs.
02:45Oh, of course, I know.
02:47And Aunt Libby does cannonballs into the lake.
02:50Oh, yes, the memories must be.
02:52And then Uncle Ned has too much to drink,
02:54and he starts putting pants on all the cows.
02:57Oh.
03:00Listen, Ross, look, if what you're looking for is family fun tonight,
03:04why don't you come to my place?
03:05It's my dad's birthday.
03:07I completely forgot about it last year.
03:09I'm going to make up for it this year.
03:10There's just one rule.
03:11No, no work, just a good time.
03:14Frasier, I don't think I'd be much fun.
03:16Ross, I insist.
03:18There's no one I enjoy partying with more than you,
03:21and I just hate to see you like this.
03:23I, I camembert it.
03:26All right.
03:42It's someone's birthday.
03:44I hope you're all in the mood for a party.
03:48I know I am.
03:50You're bloody impossible.
03:51And you're a bloody nag.
03:53Don't you shake that cane at me.
03:55Quack, quack, quack, quack.
03:56Hey!
03:58Oh, for heaven's sake, not again.
04:01I just decided what I want for my birthday.
04:03Fire daft me.
04:05You have to rehire me first because I quit.
04:08I hope I never see this place or that hateful old canker sore ever again.
04:15Jerry, what is it this time?
04:16The usual.
04:17I ask him to do his exercises, and he twists his face up like a mewling little baby.
04:23Why don't you tell him how you asked me to do it?
04:25By pouring my beer down the sink and banging on the spaghetti pot with a wooden spoon.
04:30I'm here for your help.
04:32I don't have to be your friend.
04:33Well, that's good, because I got a friend right here who doesn't happen to be a yammering nag.
04:39And eat your fat chicken.
04:41Oh, stop this.
04:43Sheesh.
04:43The two of you have the same argument all the time.
04:46You can just pick this up again tomorrow.
04:47Tonight, we are going to have a party.
04:49Yeah, I went down to Amelia's.
04:53I got your favorite lemon cake, you see.
04:56I also got some snacks and some champagne.
04:59Can we all just wait and try to have a little fun this evening, hmm?
05:02Oh, no, that is probably raw.
05:04She's been very down this week, and what she's in need of is a very happy and carefree environment.
05:09Frankly, I could use the same thing.
05:11Well, can you just greet her maybe a truce, hmm?
05:15Oh, she gives her big mouth.
05:16Oh, boy.
05:19Ross, hello.
05:23Hey, Martin.
05:24Hey, Ross.
05:25Happy birthday.
05:26Oh, you didn't have to do this.
05:30Hey, thanks, Ross.
05:32I'll have to model it for you later.
05:35He's already modeling the last one someone gave him.
05:37Why?
05:39Well, listen, I have a very nice evening plan.
05:42Can we all just try to be civil?
05:46You unprincipled charlatan.
05:48Unconscionable fraud.
05:53Happy birthday, Dad.
05:54Thanks.
05:56Miles, what are you talking about?
05:58You spoke to a patient of mine today, Caroline.
06:01Caroline.
06:03As a result of your fast food approach to psychiatry, she left me.
06:11Caroline was your patient?
06:13Two years of my hard work wiped out by one of your two-minute mccessions.
06:25Miles, I merely suggested that she consider a chain.
06:29Based on what diagnostic method?
06:31One potato, two potato?
06:32Oh, fancy that.
06:36A member of the Crane family who doesn't take the time to do something.
06:40Quack.
06:41Exactly, Dad.
06:42Quack.
06:43Oh.
06:44I was talking to her.
06:46Don't you raise your cane at her.
06:48Oh, what do you mean?
06:49What happens to me, Dad?
06:53Are you talking about your own life?
06:55I'm not doing it right.
06:56I'm not trying to be a man of school.
06:58No, wait!
07:00Ross, where are you going?
07:05I think you better leave.
07:07Oh, we were just talking.
07:08I wasn't fighting.
07:09We were talking.
07:11Yeah, I'd just really rather be by myself.
07:14Thanks, guys.
07:16I had a wonderful time.
07:17i hope you're happy you've ruined her evening her evening it's my birthday right well let's
07:26get that on the way right now who's ready for cake i certainly don't want to keep anybody here
07:34a second longer than they have to be so let's get this over with thanks for a great party
07:40well there's nothing wrong with dad's lungs
07:46every light in the city is out it must be a blackout don't panic certainly worst places
07:56we could all be in a blackout like the elevator oh my god ross why couldn't it be daphne
08:01stop doing that
08:06we just need to get some light in here
08:13eddie where are you oh excuse me dr crane quite all right daphne
08:18oh daphne where are the hurricane lamps they're in the kitchen i'll get them
08:24all right dad why don't you light a fire oh excuse me dr crane not your fault daphne
08:30eddie where are you eddie
08:35i found him
08:38well that's better i'm gonna go get my radio see what the hell's going on
08:45all right
08:46oh ross ross are you all right i'm fine fine the blackout hit just as the elevator doors opened
08:56on the 14th floor so i stood in the hallway trying to decide whether to you know come back up here with you guys or
09:04take my chances in the pitch black streets with the muggers and the weirdos
09:08so i went down a couple of flights
09:12and then i changed my mind
09:17meanwhile somebody's probably looting my apartment
09:22yes i hear there's a thriving black market
09:25been badly designed for mica coffee tables
09:27at least i have my own sense of style you won't even buy a chair unless some
09:35fey french aristocrat has set his fat satin fanny in it
09:40louis the 14th was not fey everyone wore garters in the 18th century
09:44you know he was a very big man
09:48we can all sit here in the dark and be miserable
09:57well we can try to have some fun
09:59i'm going to call maris
10:01well niles has voted who votes for fun
10:03i'm gonna go get a big glass of wine
10:09well it looks like the stakes we were going to have her out
10:12i better go see what i can find
10:14thank you definitely
10:14oh sorry dr crane
10:17forgive me
10:17our art of joel over south seattle
10:21we're working on it now
10:22hello
10:23maris thank god i got you
10:25listen darling there is no need to panic
10:27the most important thing is to stay calm
10:29about the blackout
10:32maris take off your slumber mask
10:36no no darling don't panic
10:40honey no honey
10:41honey
10:42she's fine
10:49oh yum scrum pig's bum here's something nice
11:01half gallon tops of cookies and cream and vanilla fudge
11:05hmm
11:06well let's take care of these right away before they melt
11:10there's no need to worry ladies
11:11the freezer will keep them cold for at least 24 hours
11:14shut up
11:15well i don't like to get nostalgic
11:19but it was sure great last year when you forgot my birthday
11:23you know what we need to do
11:29we need to liven things up a little bit
11:31how about a game
11:33what was that that game we played at the van der kellens
11:36while they were costuming the servants for the living chess match
11:39oh yes i remember it was our i'm the dullest person
11:45well at least pick a game someone else has a chance of winning
11:48well that's got things shaking
11:55okay
11:55come on dad
11:57come on
11:57the object of the game is
11:59we all get pennies
12:01and we're supposed to try to get the other person's pennies
12:04please
12:05slow down
12:07all right now
12:09if i were
12:10going to go
12:12i would say
12:13i am the dullest person
12:15because
12:15i have
12:17never been on a roller coaster
12:19all right and then
12:20all of you that have been on a roller coaster
12:22would give me
12:23a penny
12:24now there
12:25all right
12:26now we all have our pennies
12:27who would like to go first
12:30daphne
12:31i can't think of anything
12:33of course you can
12:34just say the first thing comes into your mind
12:36i'm the dullest person because
12:38oh i don't know
12:41because
12:41i've never made love
12:43in a lift
12:44or a phone booth
12:46or
12:46on an aeroplane
12:48or a merry-go-round
12:49all right well that's good
12:50but strategically speaking
12:51that's not the best way to get our pennies
12:53you see it should be something that someone else might have actually
12:55done
12:58i was in college i was trying to find myself
13:19all you needed to do was look under the nearest man
13:24all right dad
13:29get our pennies
13:31all right
13:32i'm the dullest person
13:34because
13:35i've never been to france
13:37that's good dad
13:38that's in the spirit of it
13:40all right
13:40now
13:40what's something you've never done
13:42well let's see
13:43i'm the dullest person
13:45because i've never sabotaged
13:46my brother's career
13:47will you give it a rest
13:49oh
13:49your father could chew you out to do that
13:52quack quack
13:52will you people stop
13:59you are torturing me
14:01i can report you to amnesty international
14:04that's it i'm out of here
14:07oh dad
14:08dad you haven't even cut your cake yet
14:10look where are you going
14:11i'm gonna sit in the tub with a hair dryer
14:13and wait for the power to come back
14:15well this blackout could go on all night
14:20it's time i braved the dark streets
14:22and got back to my maris
14:23i just hope this isn't like the lightning storm last month
14:27the only way i could coax her out from under the bed
14:29was by tying a prozac to the end of a string
14:32ross
14:39you want to have a little cake
14:42no thanks
14:44this reminds me of wisconsin
14:49all dark and deserted
14:52that's on the license plate isn't it
14:55bros
14:58what's the real reason you didn't go to your reunion
15:01you've always made it before
15:02well
15:05no
15:07no you said you didn't want to hear any more problems today
15:10and i don't blame you
15:12i think we have
15:14time for one more caller
15:17well
15:22every year i go to my reunion
15:25and my relatives crowd around me
15:28and i answer the same questions
15:30no i'm not married
15:33no i don't have any kids
15:35yes i still have that tattoo
15:38no you can't see it
15:40just be so nice if i could at least say
15:47i have a great career
15:48ross you do have a great career
15:50tell that to my relatives
15:53you know according to them
15:55i spend four hours on the phone every day
15:57with a bunch of losers and wackos
16:00and then i turn them over to some tedious know-it-all
16:04who gives them pointless advice
16:06oh that's not me talking
16:13it's my uncle ned
16:14oh yes
16:15the cow haberdasher
16:17you know ross ten years ago
16:22kacl didn't have any women producers
16:25you're a pioneer
16:28you've won awards
16:30you help people
16:32sounds right when you say it
16:37probably you're just looking for too much from your job
16:40you should start exploring other areas of your life
16:43interests
16:43maybe a
16:44maybe a serious relationship
16:46maybe you're right
16:50how long can i go on chasing these hunky 25 year olds that are all looks and no substance
16:58exactly ross
16:59oh i'm serious i'm asking how long three four years
17:02daphne you all right
17:11i broke your father's souvenir spoon rest from atlantic city
17:16oh good
17:16you know when i have my own kitchen
17:22i'm gonna put my spoons right on the damn counter
17:25i've always said
17:27as soon as i save two thousand dollars
17:29i'll get me own place
17:31well how much have you saved
17:32four thousand
17:34oh i know what you're thinking
17:38what's wrong with me
17:40why do i stay here
17:41no i was just thinking i must be paying you too much
17:44my friends all say you should be on your own
17:51have a place
17:52have a life
17:53why do i stay here
17:56well
17:57could it be that maybe you
17:59you like us
18:02you know my
18:05grandmother used to have a cat
18:07the mangy old thing kept ruining the furniture and stuff
18:10i asked her why she
18:12kept it and she said that
18:15maybe it was because she liked
18:17having another heartbeat around the house
18:21it just makes me feel like i'm not very ambitious
18:26i mean i could be working in a hospital or a clinic
18:30of course you could definitely but maybe that's not what's important to you right now
18:35i think you like being part of a family
18:38what's wrong with that
18:40nothing i suppose
18:43although
18:46me friends wonder how i can live with such demanding men
18:50no
18:51you call me demanding
18:53no actually they call you a pompous ass
18:56oh
18:56but now you've learned that i'm not
19:02no i've learned to work around it
19:04excuse me i'm getting a beer
19:08and yes i know it's not good for me
19:10and yes i know it's gonna make me fat
19:12and yes i know it'll keep me from doing my exercises
19:16you have anything to add to that
19:17yes
19:18happy birthday you old sod
19:21they try to confuse you on purpose
19:30room temperature
19:39just like merry old england another place i'll probably never get to
19:43dad you used to talk about
19:46going to europe when your hip improved
19:49now you're saying you'll never get there
19:51what's changed
19:51nothing
19:52my hip's the same as it was a year ago
19:55i had it in my head i'd be better by now
19:58but i'm not i'm probably never gonna be
20:00well you don't understand
20:03you're happy just sitting on your cam
20:06doing your little radio show
20:08living inside your head
20:09but i'm used to being out there
20:12eddie
20:16listen dad
20:28you can still travel
20:32oh you can
20:34you can't walk around paris
20:38you could
20:38sit at a nice cafe and let paris walk past you
20:44maybe buy a glass of wine for a beautiful mademoiselle
20:48get yourself a nice bottle of imported beer
20:52i only like valentine's
20:53i only like valentines
20:54in paris valentines is imported beer
20:58and you are the
21:02the handsome americain
21:05with the adorable accent
21:08i like mustaches over there don't they
21:16nineteen floors down to my car
21:27garage doors electric
21:29can't open
21:30twenty floors back up
21:32lost count
21:33bad lady upstairs
21:35big dog
21:36need place to die
21:38same to you buddy
21:44who are you talking to
21:46some rowdy guys
21:48downstairs
21:49come on out here martin
21:50i want you to introduce us
21:51all right
21:55keep your pants on
21:57here niles
21:57let me take your coat
21:58oh
21:59haven't you taken enough from me today
22:02oh niles
22:03you're being silly and irrational
22:05sticks and stones
22:07you're acting just like dad
22:09you
22:10take that
22:11back
22:11you know you're not really mad at me niles
22:18you know i didn't tell that woman to leave you
22:20you really suggested it as an option
22:23it was all her choice
22:25could it be that you're really upset just because you
22:28you couldn't help that woman
22:29you know i really hate that
22:32when you take a simple criticism and you turn it back on me
22:36well i think i'm right
22:38well of course you're right why do you think i hate it
22:40do you have
22:45any idea
22:46what i went through trying to help that woman
22:49yes i think i do
22:51yes i think i do
22:51well
22:51niles
22:53you're a perfectionist
22:57it's full school that's not such a bad one to have
23:02just would have been nice if
23:04i could have been the one to tell her that it was time to go
23:07instead she had to hear it from some glib albeit insightful radio pundit
23:14those rowdy guys downstairs invited us to a blackout party
23:22they got cold beer
23:23and yarl's bird
23:24you know it's funny i was feeling a bit down before but suddenly i'm in a posse mood
23:29what about our party
23:32well there are people downstairs
23:34yeah they got barbecue
23:35come on frazier
23:36oh no no no thank you i'm not really in the mood anymore
23:40don't you'll be a posse pooper
23:42oh let him be he's always been that way
23:45excuse me just a second
23:46maybe it's time for a little lesson
23:48about what it's like to live the life of this particular party pooper
23:53spend the whole damn week
23:55ministering
23:56to the troubled and the neurotic and
23:59sometimes just plain goofy
24:01and i hang up my earphones and
24:04it doesn't end there
24:06out on the street
24:08at the cafe
24:09even in this building
24:11more people come up for help
24:13more problems
24:14i suppose they just think it's okay
24:17it's what i do
24:18but every time i try to help them
24:21it costs me a little piece of myself
24:24a little bit here a little bit there a little bit here a little bit there
24:28so i end up feeling like a
24:30a zebra carcass and a serengeti surrounded by burping vultures
24:34well this happened to be one of those weeks
24:40i had my escape planned
24:43i was gonna come home for an evening of fun with my extended family
24:47what do i get i get the four of you
24:50going at each other like the borgias on a bad day
24:54so i roll up my sleeves
24:58and i tend to each one of you
25:01and you all feel better
25:04and the minute you
25:06get a whiff of mesquite coming from down below
25:09you are out the door
25:13without so much as a thank you
25:15well thank you for the invitation
25:19but i am frankly fed up with people and their problems
25:23the doctor is out
25:26oh come on
25:27oh come on
25:27apologies accept
25:31grace you'll come
25:32no no look you
25:37i love you all
25:39i really do
25:40just uh
25:41what i want is to be left alone
25:43right here
25:44where no one needs anything from me
25:46bill
25:46all right
25:47i'll bring you something
25:48hey i'll bring you some bar
25:49if you wouldn't like this
25:50come down
25:50i love you
25:51have fun
25:52oh my god it's dark out here
25:56oh
25:57oh
26:10for god's sake
26:11eddie
26:12no
26:13i'm not gonna do it
26:14no
26:16Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
26:39Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:42Quite stylish
26:45And maybe I seem a bit confused
26:48Well, maybe
26:48But I got you pegged
26:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
26:53But I don't know what to do
26:56With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:59They're calling again
27:02Frasier has left the building
Recommended
27:10
|
Up next
27:10
27:10
27:08
25:19
26:54
25:53
27:10
27:04
26:12
26:13
27:05
1:24
25:49
26:27
26:29
25:53
25:39
28:51