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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on, we're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:52Every single time
00:04:58Love and rainy weather
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:44Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight?
00:05:58Tomorrow night?
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00You might sell me overcoat
00:06:02Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:22Yes, please
00:06:22Now, that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say
00:06:41I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattinger the evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:11I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18And invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22Ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels
00:07:29Five
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41Ah
00:08:46Oh, Sandra
00:09:04It is almost blonde in this light
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:12Just being brave
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went
00:09:44Overnight
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking and cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother
00:10:43in case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Good night
00:10:49Miss Bardot
00:11:03Marry me
00:11:06You know what they say
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester, lad, you never touch anything else
00:11:14Marry me
00:11:16Marry me
00:11:18Marry me
00:11:20Marry me
00:11:22Marry me
00:11:24Marry me
00:11:26Marry me
00:11:28Marry me
00:11:30About time and all
00:11:31Marry me
00:11:32Marry me
00:11:32Marry me
00:11:32Marry me
00:11:33Marry me
00:11:34Marry me
00:11:35Marry me
00:11:36Marry me
00:11:36Marry me
00:11:36Did you have a good time this night?
00:11:37Marry me
00:11:37Marry me
00:11:38Marry me
00:11:38Is it you?
00:11:39I'm satisfied
00:11:40I stayed in for a change
00:11:42Marry me
00:11:43Did you get much?
00:11:45Did you?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:48Marry me
00:11:49Marry me
00:11:51Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done.
00:11:56I played in for a change instead.
00:12:17Ticket! I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:22See you behind the goal then.
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleeps done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumor has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:13Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:15Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31Good to see you.
00:13:32No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah.
00:13:41Well, no.
00:13:43I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:48I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:49I am.
00:13:50Which?
00:13:51Which are you?
00:13:52Any.
00:13:53I am.
00:13:54See you then.
00:13:55Tonight?
00:13:56Pardon?
00:13:57Oh, I...
00:13:58All right, then.
00:13:59Right.
00:14:00Super socks.
00:14:01Did you see that?
00:14:02They're all on drugs.
00:14:03A lot of them.
00:14:04No.
00:14:05No.
00:14:06No.
00:14:07No.
00:14:08No.
00:14:09No.
00:14:10No.
00:14:11No.
00:14:12No.
00:14:13No.
00:14:14No.
00:14:15No.
00:14:16No.
00:14:17No.
00:14:18No.
00:14:19No.
00:14:20No.
00:14:21No.
00:14:22No.
00:14:23No.
00:14:24No.
00:14:25No.
00:14:26No.
00:14:27No.
00:14:28No.
00:14:31No.
00:14:32No.
00:14:46Goodness.
00:14:47Dev境!
00:14:48Sharon!
00:14:49No.
00:14:50No!
00:14:51No.
00:14:52No.
00:14:53No.
00:14:54No.
00:14:55No.
00:14:56No.
00:14:57The count was the exit.
00:14:58Excuse me.
00:15:09Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:50You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:20You having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No thanks, kid.
00:16:25Neville's ravenous.
00:16:26You've just eaten.
00:16:27Oh, of course.
00:16:28Yeah.
00:16:29Sorry.
00:16:30You see.
00:16:31What I thought Ken was always trying to do.
00:16:32By implication.
00:16:33Probably by implication.
00:16:34Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see.
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:48Was he the errand boy?
00:16:49Was who the errand boy?
00:16:50Ken Thingy.
00:16:51He directed it.
00:16:52Oh, yes.
00:16:53I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:54Probably.
00:16:55You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:56Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:57It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:16:58And you talk to me the whole way.
00:16:59Like a person.
00:17:00Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:01Sex.
00:17:02Marriage.
00:17:03Oh, yes.
00:17:04Oh, yes.
00:17:05I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:06Probably.
00:17:07I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:08Probably.
00:17:09You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:12It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:13And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:14Like a person.
00:17:15Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:18Sex.
00:17:19Marriage.
00:17:20Pardon?
00:17:21The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:23A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:26I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:28I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:31Get married?
00:17:32Hmm.
00:17:33No.
00:17:34Actually, I find girls are mostly married.
00:17:35No.
00:17:36No.
00:17:37No.
00:17:38No.
00:17:39No.
00:17:40No.
00:17:41No.
00:17:42No.
00:17:43No.
00:17:44No.
00:17:45No.
00:17:46No.
00:17:47No.
00:17:48No.
00:17:49Well, you find girls.
00:17:50And most girls, it is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:55No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:58Percy Phil?
00:18:00Sex.
00:18:02That's what I said.
00:18:04Oh.
00:18:05Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:07Not Percy Phil motivated.
00:18:08No.
00:18:09No.
00:18:10No.
00:18:12did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol? Ken Russell. yeah? this is it
00:18:42I won't come in with it being our first date. no. anywhere my mum's gone to bed we'd be on our own. is that a reason for me not coming in though? yes Geoffrey
00:19:12nice house. thank you. 25 year mortgage. well thanks for seeing me home. funny isn't it? first date with someone. it always leads to one of three things. either nothing. or something.
00:19:38or everything. don't think about Percy Filth at this stage Beryl. you're not. no I'm not. night night. god bless.
00:19:54I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females. what is it? three two seven double four two one. the easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five which is two less than seven then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two which is one.
00:20:16um. but you mustn't ring me if you don't want. no. but you can if you do. do you want me to? not if you'd rather not. three two seven double four two one. night.
00:20:30I'm so excited.
00:20:51bye bye my bye.
00:20:55i'm so excited.
00:20:58Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:52His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:55What Beryl Bird?
00:21:56I told him.
00:21:57Did she, er...
00:21:58Did she, er...
00:21:59What?
00:22:00What?
00:22:01Wow!
00:22:02She doesn't, then.
00:22:03You don't listen, do you?
00:22:04I said...
00:22:05How about Sandra?
00:22:06Chips.
00:22:07Chips.
00:22:08Chips.
00:22:09Chips.
00:22:10Chips.
00:22:11Sod.
00:22:12Not seen him tonight, then.
00:22:13Who?
00:22:14Who?
00:22:15Who?
00:22:16Who?
00:22:17I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:18I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:22Chips, chums, sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:52He said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:19And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't know what you're paying for, but I don't
00:24:02Chalton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:13What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:17Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:32Why do we always do that? 93 times a day? We never see anything.
00:25:02I'm going to go.
00:25:04I'm going to go.
00:25:06I'm going to go.
00:25:08I'm going to go.
00:25:10I'm going to go.
00:25:12I'm going to go.
00:25:14I'm going to go.
00:25:16My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That's Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:34You never promise he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:42He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:00Five. Five. Which is... Which is...
00:26:04Three and two is five. Which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:12I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:19Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:42All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:56Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:57Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:08It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:33That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:59Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:03Have you?
00:28:04No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12No.
00:28:13There's only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:34Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:04You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:29It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:32It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:34Men can do anything.
00:29:36Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:57Read any women's magazine.
00:29:59It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey!
00:30:22Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:39I told you.
00:30:41It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:47Ugh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:58I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:03I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line.
00:31:12I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:31:56Isn't it awful?
00:32:04What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24What?
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:46Can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:49Mine goes blank.
00:32:50Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:52Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:53Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:54Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:32:56Geoffrey definitely has.
00:32:58Probably even more.
00:33:00Air hostesses.
00:33:02All sorts.
00:33:04Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:05I haven't had one yet.
00:33:06White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:07Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:08Hmm.
00:33:09Wow.
00:33:10Is that the time?
00:33:11At this moment in time.
00:33:12What have I done?
00:33:13Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:14Quite in the slightest.
00:33:16Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:19I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Quite in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Course not. Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:54That's all in the past.
00:33:57Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:02Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her. No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:16No.
00:34:17I said nearly.
00:34:22You never thumped me, will you? Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:27Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:39All right.
00:34:40Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:09Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too. It was real.
00:35:13Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:24No.
00:35:25I won't look back anyway.
00:35:26Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:39You're well red barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:22Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47I am.
00:36:48Oh, I am.
00:36:49Of course.
00:36:50What are you?
00:36:51I am.
00:36:53Oh.
00:36:54Oh, I am.
00:36:56Oh.
00:36:58Oh, you are.
00:36:59What did I do?
00:37:01This is my ass.
00:37:02Oh, you are.
00:37:03So, you're going to be cute.
00:37:04Oh.
00:37:05Oh, you're.
00:37:06Oh.
00:37:07I am.
00:37:08Oh, you're going to be good.
00:37:10No, you're going to be cute.
00:37:11Oh, I am.
00:37:12John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents. Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:17Depends where you take me.
00:38:21All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:31Roland.
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:41And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I hadn't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one.
00:39:08You've seen one.
00:39:09You've seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:13I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:15It must be my birthday.
00:39:16Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:33They aren't all after Percy Philse.
00:39:38Yes they are.
00:39:40Mmm.
00:39:41Oh you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:44Was I?
00:39:46Mmm.
00:39:47Terrific self control.
00:39:50Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:54Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:57Mother I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:00I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt tip pen.
00:40:05It's run out of ink.
00:40:06I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:08My God your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm please.
00:40:16Mmm don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:21Well let's go inside then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:35What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49Please feel fond of a look.
00:40:51Check the music field.
00:40:53I had no idea!
00:40:54Fuck, bad kids.
00:40:55regionals.
00:40:56You man!
00:40:57Oh no shit.
00:40:58You've got know.
00:40:59Did I shine the light on my vibrate?
00:41:02Oh you see.
00:41:02I will rain.
00:41:03No they're like, shit.
00:41:04Oh no.
00:41:05I'm not.
00:41:06You fan!
00:41:07You should have.
00:41:08Oh no.
00:41:09Let's go.
00:41:10How do I shine!
00:41:11I want to go.
00:41:12You will.
00:41:13I want to yes tea.
00:41:14Good?
00:41:15You guys, 50 to 50 to 45.
00:41:16What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:21Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:25No. Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:15Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Millieup returns to the day. I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:43Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No. They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:03Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:07What's he doing here then?
00:43:11Well, er, this is your Uncle Steven.
00:43:15This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19How do you do?
00:43:21Don't my mum and dad know he's here? Jeremy. Bed.
00:43:25I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:27Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:33Even big astronauts.
00:43:35Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:38Do you?
00:43:41Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:36Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:41Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:46In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5850.
00:45:0050.
00:45:01Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:30Hey, Veronica?
00:45:31Yes?
00:45:32Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:35A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:36He's going now.
00:45:37Good night, love.
00:45:38We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:39And how?
00:45:40You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:41Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:45Still, there's always another day.
00:45:46Tomorrow?
00:45:47No.
00:45:48Well, tomorrow's another day.
00:45:49Shh.
00:45:50Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:45:51What?
00:45:52What?
00:45:53What?
00:45:54What?
00:45:55What?
00:45:56What?
00:45:57What?
00:45:58What?
00:45:59What?
00:46:00What?
00:46:01What?
00:46:02What?
00:46:03What?
00:46:04What?
00:46:05What?
00:46:06What?
00:46:07What?
00:46:08What?
00:46:09What?
00:46:10What?
00:46:11What?
00:46:12What?
00:46:13What?
00:46:14I'll be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:19What Wrens?
00:46:20The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:35Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:38We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:41Well, obviously.
00:46:43We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:53Try our barrel.
00:47:08Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37Sorry, Mum. I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:46I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad. And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:56But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:07Oh, don't you.
00:48:09Why is it all around you?
00:48:10Oh, dear.
00:48:11Come on.
00:48:12BIRDS CHILDREN
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:32What's going on? Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:37You should know. Or me.
00:48:41You know what I mean? What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot. Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't? No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey. It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey. Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel. He'll see other girls.
00:49:25I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:39He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up. He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:45Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:01Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:03I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:07She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:21He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby. Oh, hi. Didn't see you.
00:50:50No, nor me. And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United. We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good. And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09Er, I asked you what was new with you. I asked you.
00:51:15Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby. It isn't like you.
00:51:28Say that again. Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh. Everybody laughs. It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:53I don't have a baby.
00:51:56I don't have a baby.
00:52:01Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:12Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:19Oh.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:38This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:49don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:01Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:46Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:15Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:29Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville.
00:54:59Okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:01Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:12Papers, yeah.
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate.
00:55:17A dog's licence.
00:55:18Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01You're wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:03Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me, if you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:31Oh, wow.
00:56:32We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:33We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:34Neither of us is boss.
00:56:35It just doesn't arise.
00:56:36We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:37Yes.
00:56:38You see, what we believe...
00:56:39Now!
00:56:41You see...
00:56:42You see...
00:56:43Where are one?
00:56:44I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:56:45What are you doing?
00:56:46Lighting everybody's fire.
00:56:47Burn my bra.
00:56:48Right.
00:56:49Right.
00:56:50That's it.
00:56:51That's it.
00:56:52Finished.
00:56:53The end.
00:56:54Full stop.
00:56:55We've finally split up.
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing? Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:10Burn my bra.
00:57:15Right. That's it. Finished. The end. Full stop.
00:57:21We've finally split up. Neville, Sandra wants you. I should imagine.
00:57:28Sad, isn't it?
00:57:32Pathetic.
00:57:37Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51Perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair. Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:13Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:19It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:23Oh, sorry.
00:58:24I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:25Oh, sorry.
00:58:26Do you know...
00:58:27What, Beryl?
00:58:28What, Beryl?
00:58:29She can ask me anything.
00:58:30What, Beryl?
00:58:31She can ask me anything.
00:58:32Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:33I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:34Oh, sorry.
00:58:35Do you know...
00:58:36What, Beryl?
00:58:37What, Beryl?
00:58:38She can ask me anything.
00:58:39Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:40He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:41Oh, he's upstairs, I think.
00:58:43Oh, wow, Beryl.
00:58:44Oh, thank God.
00:58:45Oh, yeah.
00:58:46Oh, I...
00:58:47Oh, no.
00:58:48Oh, sorry.
00:58:53Do you know...
00:58:54What, Beryl?
00:58:55She can ask me anything.
00:58:57Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:01He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:37Geoffrey?
00:59:44Sorry.
00:59:51Geoffrey?
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:23What was it then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:39Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:52Had a nice time?
01:00:55Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:58Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:00Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:11That's good.
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:32Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all.
01:01:38Gave it to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:45I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:12Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:16Can I?
01:02:24For that.
01:02:41What?
01:02:45Something logical.
01:02:47I mean, why are you trying to walk through the room?
01:02:50Let's go.
01:02:51Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20Have a good day.
01:04:22I've got a home.
01:04:23Where the hell?
01:04:24It's the best.
01:04:25I'm hungry.
01:04:26I'll stay alive.
01:04:27I'll stay home.
01:04:28Did I get a home?
01:04:29I'm hungry.
01:04:30You made a home.
01:04:31I'm hungry.
01:04:33A small world.
01:04:35A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one. Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:16I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam? Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam. I'll leave it then.
01:05:32Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me? A football match? With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:56Told you.
01:05:57Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town. In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:11The...
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:13Shows you.
01:06:14Away from home.
01:06:15They've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:29So what do you think?
01:06:30I think I nearly love you.
01:06:42Never mind. It's only a game.
01:06:56I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:11No!
01:07:12Yeah!
01:07:13I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:21Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am love.
01:07:30And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:32You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if
01:07:37he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:50Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:55Kissing.
01:07:56Kissing.
01:07:57Cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:02Do what?
01:08:03What you just said.
01:08:05Good.
01:08:06Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:09Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:17Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:25Fantastic.
01:08:26The Cowgills.
01:08:27Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:28Married couple.
01:08:29Newlyweds.
01:08:30Not long married.
01:08:31You go bald doing that.
01:08:32Doing what?
01:08:33Yes.
01:08:34Yes.
01:08:35Yes.
01:08:36Yes.
01:08:37Yes.
01:08:38Yes.
01:08:39Yes.
01:08:40Yes.
01:08:41Yes.
01:08:42Yes.
01:08:43Yes.
01:08:44Yes.
01:08:45Yes.
01:08:46Yes.
01:08:47Yes.
01:08:48Yes.
01:08:49Yes.
01:08:50Yes.
01:08:51Yes.
01:08:52Yes.
01:08:53Yes, sir.
01:08:54Yes, sir.
01:08:55Yes, sir.
01:08:56Yes.
01:08:57Yes.
01:08:58Yes, sir.
01:08:59Yes, sir.
01:09:01Yes, sir.
01:09:02Yes, sir.
01:09:03Now I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:08Living in sin.
01:09:12Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:20If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:24would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:30A barrel would.
01:09:34Given you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:46Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:50without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:53You think it!
01:10:08All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37Sorry?
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:09Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:18He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months dragged by,
01:11:29and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:33Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells
01:11:41and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:47Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says,
01:11:55end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't it?
01:12:03Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:19and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:31That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:39You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage, twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:44Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:45Right?
01:12:46Right.
01:12:47Good Jesus Christ, Superstar.
01:12:48Amen.
01:12:50Oh, hell.
01:12:51Hands up again.
01:12:52See you tomorrow.
01:12:53Where do you think you're going?
01:12:54Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:12:55It's important.
01:12:56What is?
01:12:57What is?
01:12:58What is?
01:12:59I keep asking you what is.
01:13:00What is?
01:13:01What is?
01:13:02What is?
01:13:03To be on our own.
01:13:04What?
01:13:05What?
01:13:06To be on our own.
01:13:07What?
01:13:08So as we can talk.
01:13:09What?
01:13:10What?
01:13:11What?
01:13:12To be on our own.
01:13:13What?
01:13:14So as we can talk.
01:13:15What?
01:13:16That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:30We should be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:53and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is...
01:14:11we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:23See what I think...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:26No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:57No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:19Well, not in so many words.
01:15:21Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:23Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:24No.
01:15:25Don't think so.
01:15:26Honestly, no.
01:15:27Nothing.
01:15:28If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:29If there isn't anything.
01:15:30There isn't anything.
01:15:31Honest.
01:15:32Good.
01:15:33It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:34It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:37Like, you know, crimson shoes.
01:15:39You know, crimson shoes.
01:15:40It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:45Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:15:46Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:15:47If I did, I'd stop.
01:15:48To please you.
01:15:49No.
01:15:50No.
01:15:51Nothing.
01:15:52Nothing.
01:15:53Nothing.
01:15:54Nothing.
01:15:55If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:56There isn't anything.
01:15:57Honest.
01:15:58Good.
01:15:59It wouldn't upset me.
01:16:00It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Beryl.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Beryl.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know.
01:16:42You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:45You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:47After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:49According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:53Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:16:59Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:06Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:13Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:22Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:25Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:28You never say dig.
01:17:30I did then.
01:17:31Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:36That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:40Neither did I.
01:17:42Do now, though.
01:17:52I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:22thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:29I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:39Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:52Good luck.
01:18:54Peace, ma'am.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:00St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:09So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring?
01:19:26Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:37Well, skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:07Peace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26No spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:43Crunch.
01:20:44I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:10Yeah.
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:18Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:20Fine.
01:21:21This is fine enough.
01:21:22Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:56Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04Nice life.
01:22:12See, President. Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:14That was before we ever met.
01:22:16I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:23Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:30Nixon.
01:22:31What is he going?
01:22:32No.
01:22:33The astronauts.
01:22:34Oh.
01:22:35It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:36We never really talked, did we?
01:22:37About things that matter.
01:22:38Good, isn't it?
01:22:39Shows we're friends.
01:22:40Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:41Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:22:42We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:22:43We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:22:44Me mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:22:45I'm right off it, myself.
01:22:46I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:22:47Oh.
01:22:48I expect it's only temporary.
01:22:49Oh.
01:22:50I expect it's only temporary.
01:22:51No.
01:22:52No.
01:22:53No.
01:22:54No.
01:22:55No.
01:22:56No.
01:22:57No.
01:22:58No.
01:22:59No.
01:23:00No.
01:23:01No.
01:23:02No.
01:23:03No.
01:23:04No.
01:23:05No.
01:23:06No.
01:23:07No.
01:23:08No.
01:23:09No.
01:23:10No.
01:23:11No.
01:23:12No.
01:23:13No.
01:23:14No.
01:23:15I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:26It's still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:34Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:10Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:56Hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:58You won't remember me.
01:25:00Good afternoon, Jeffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:10There is no football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:14It's cricket now.
01:25:16Good morning, isn't it?
01:25:18Good morning, isn't it?
01:25:20Good morning, isn't it?
01:25:22Good morning, isn't it?
01:25:23Good morning.
01:25:25Good morning.
01:25:27Good morning, sir.
01:25:27Good morning,eurys.
01:25:28Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:28I wish we had a ball.
01:26:38I could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:17Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:26There's millions to choose from.
01:27:38All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:45It's just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51And we'll be приход.
01:28:00Oh God.
01:28:03You have to do it.
01:28:06You have to do it.
01:28:08You have to do it.
01:28:11You have to do it.
01:28:12You have to do it.
01:28:14You have to do it.
01:28:15And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:32Hello
01:29:32I've been to a