Peep Show: A Tortoise, A Turd and an Old Lady

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a story from Southwest Florida that features a woman who called the news to report mysterious poop on her doorstep. It turns out it was just a local tortoise. Then, the show imagines a book entitled; 'A Tortoise, a Turd and an Old Lady'.

Transcript

00:00well a lady in southwest florida is pissed but someone's doing their business on her porch

00:14well the more you're pissed the more business gets done who is that someone let's get this

00:21quietly high acre street everyone minds their own business but someone or something is leaving

00:26theirs behind the very very first was right about where where you're standing yep it's exactly what

00:32you think nice elongated around on one end pointy on the other do I really need to spell it out for

00:37you large as best gauge didn't you get the poop story before does he always gets all the stories

00:45I think it's every single story yeah I think it is there's a high level of poop concern there

00:51wow it really is a lot of old people yeah that's true people they're worried about poop and like

00:56obviously it's probably like some kind of animal but she's convinced it's like uh she's just did you

01:01hear her describe it yeah on one end yeah on the other yeah around and she'll tell you it's pretty

01:07crappy someone would leave this behind I think how rude then maybe weeks later there were two more the

01:15same thing right on the driveway again cleaned it up and getting a little more angry inside can you

01:21guess what happened next finally one time it was right on the doormat right in front of the door

01:26this point Betsy is convinced that someone walking by with their pet is leaving their business in the

01:31driveway but that couldn't be any further from the truth she didn't figure it out until she ran into

01:35her neighbor walking up waddling up and he's waddling up the driveway his name is Tommy Tommy the tortoise

01:41I pick him up and I move him over there to the grass and lo and behold Tommy leaves the telltale sample

01:49that's exactly like all the others this is the dumbest story I've ever heard right now there's a

01:55old lady on the news saying that a turtle poops on her porch and this is news the graphics is tortoise

02:02defecating on doorstep yeah what is happening there's no other stories to talk about no this is what they

02:13have to okay so here's the crazy thing working in a tv newsroom for a while you're all sitting around

02:18yeah you got your list all right you're the top stories of the day i don't think it's like that

02:22well no i don't know uh all right we got the tortoise defecating gage you're on that one

02:29you're on every single story i feel like it's like there's a uh like five other people that are given like

02:37big stories and then poor gage and they're i don't think the big stories there why don't i feel

02:44like it's more like political stuff and like real hard-hitting maybe news and he gets all the poop

02:50yeah exactly you have the light guy who goes out and does all the light stories this is not interesting

02:58at all no it's not that's not an interesting story here brood tortoise that she's seen countless

03:03time is leaving something behind for her i never knew turtles could do that poop she didn't know

03:11i think her thing is the size because i think she's amazed by the size of i think that's what

03:16she is she's amazed by the size of it change the graphic amazed by size of turtle turns yeah

03:22still doesn't make it newsworthy no that's all i think she called gage directly

03:28probably she was like listen i got a hot story for you there is something somebody somewhere

03:33somehow is leaving a turd the size of a buick on my driveway and i don't even know what in the

03:40hell yeah i don't know what in the hell it is that's leaving it and then gage goes out there and

03:48he records a bunch of stuff and then she calls him back i figured it out it's a tortoise

03:52it's a tortoise that has left all this crap all over the place oh wow they they their poops are

04:00bigger than you think all right well i'll be i'll be out there this afternoon to get some oh god

04:06bless you of a tortoise walking around did you get anything when you were out there did you catch

04:11the actual did you catch the turd in action did you see i did i did what amazing see most it was a

04:18tortoise most people go to like the internet tick tock they'll put you know but the old people they

04:24go to the news you're right you're right because if i had a tortoise taking giant turds on my thing

04:31i'd just make a tick tock about it it'd get a million views y'all won't believe what's happening

04:35in my yard it might not get that many views because when i posted about the mystery turd i found in my

04:39house nobody cares yeah but i went straight to tick tock you posted a mystery turd yeah in your

04:45house it was outside in my driveway oh what was it i claimed to be i don't know it was people are

04:51saying it's either a fox or a raccoon or a really big cat wow so wow that's thanks for the help

04:57internet yeah so you're like it doesn't work every time james is getting real upset i was bringing in

05:04my trash cans i saw a random turd right in my driveway whose shirt is this too small for my

05:09dog yeah i don't own a cat at least you didn't go to the news with it no but i kind of wish i would

05:15have yeah you can get a cool headline like that like honestly yeah it would have been more viral

05:19animal defecating on man's driveway yeah this lady called him was probably like patch me through right

05:25away to gage like gage you got a senior citizen on the line got the craziest story you'll ever do

05:34ready to win awards i'm surprised you know gage likes to act it out too so i'm surprised gage

05:41didn't pretend to take a poop on the driveway yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of times he will he will

05:48recreate good job gage i mean he did his best he's did what he he all he can do is what they

05:54give him to cover right i got no cover turtle poop they gave him a tortoise a turd and an old lady and

06:00he had to make a story out of it that's it i'd read that book thank god a tortoise a turd and an old

06:06lady and now a tortoise a turd and an old lady

06:25the description of the turd one day an old lady found poop on her door i'm just gonna have ai write

06:31that story today do that i will i'll let you know i'll share it oh please do i think it'll be so

06:38good oh give it just that information that's all i'm gonna do i'm gonna say write a children's book

06:46see what happens about a tortoise a turd and an old lady because she had a description

06:53she did she was like it was round and long on one end and then tapered to a point

07:03jesus that's descriptive you know you really took an eyeball at it

07:09what else is she doing

07:12well that's it and she was like and then weeks later which and i guess in her world like weeks

07:17later i don't even put the two things together now another turd she does what else is she doing

07:23i guess you guys just investigating tortoise turds i guess

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