- 4/22/2025
Therapy Thursday: How Do Ladies Really Feel About Men With Extra-long Beards?
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00:00All right, Therapy Thursday is on. This is where we just try and share and help you work through whatever issues, big or small, we pretty much take them all. Meredith, are you ready?
00:10Yes, absolutely.
00:11Dr. David, you on?
00:12Let's do it.
00:13All right, let's see who got one for us.
00:15I have one right here.
00:17What you got?
00:17Been married for 12 years, and we found out my husband has a child. His mom, the child's mom, passed away, and he was in her will.
00:28Now he was sent to us to stay for a while, and, of course, I was initially nervous.
00:34He's been acting up, being rude to me, even though I've explained to him I'm not trying to replace his mother, only trying to help.
00:41I need you guys.
00:43Kids, I see it as kids. He just doesn't have the clarity of being an adult, so you kind of have to walk carefully with him.
00:49I wouldn't judge a kid for having emotions about losing the mom.
00:53You know what I mean? It's not just like you're replacing the mom, but he doesn't have his mom there, so it's not really about who it is.
01:00It's just the fact that she's gone, so you got to give him some sort of break.
01:03Yeah, it's baby steps. It's an everyday struggle.
01:06It's going to be everyday him learning to trust you just a little bit more, and you guys' relationship just growing.
01:13It's not going to happen fast. There's no shortcuts.
01:16Just give the kid a chance. As much time as he needs, really.
01:18Love and compassion right now.
01:19Yeah, I mean, that pretty much works.
01:22We got a text out to 352. It says, you guys are going to think I'm nuts, but about three years ago, there was a guy who was borderline stalking me.
01:29He'd show up at my job, at my house. He was everywhere.
01:33So that went on for about three months, and then I gave him a chance.
01:37Wait.
01:38We actually dated for over two years.
01:40We've been broken up for about five months now.
01:43My problem is, I've gone out with two other guys since, and I just don't feel like they're into me like the last guy was.
01:49They ain't stalking enough.
01:50They're not putting in the right type of effort.
01:53I'm not saying I want them to show up at my mom's house like the last guy did, but I need them to try a little bit harder.
01:59Are my expectations now messed up, but I want someone that makes me feel like I'm a necessity to win over?
02:06No.
02:07I think anybody that's going to be into you needs to be 100% all about you.
02:13I think that that's what it should be.
02:15The stalking thing is separate.
02:16You don't want to confuse you.
02:17I don't think that's separate.
02:18I don't think that's separate.
02:19I don't think that's separate.
02:20You got to separate it.
02:21I mean, but she got her muscle memory from that.
02:24She loves the stalking.
02:25She likes the attention.
02:26She likes you to wake up and, you know.
02:2935 text messages.
02:30No.
02:31No.
02:32She wants that in her life.
02:33No.
02:33And the dudes just being normal ain't cutting it.
02:36She wants that crazy.
02:37It's hard to find the right stalker.
02:39A little bit of stalking, but not too much.
02:41This almost reminds me of, like, a woman that dates, like, a rich guy that, like, spoils them and gives them anything they want.
02:47Then they date, like, a normal guy.
02:49And it's like, where's my gifts?
02:50Yeah.
02:50Like, well.
02:51Get the ween yourself off.
02:52I took you to Applebee's last week.
02:55There's still some riblets in the fridge.
02:57Yeah.
02:57So what does she do in this situation?
02:59You like the stalker dudes.
03:01No.
03:02So what are you going to do?
03:02Like, lay out some bait for another stalker to hit up?
03:05She needs to manage expectations.
03:06Yeah.
03:06Because the last guy, I mean, all in would probably be an understatement.
03:10He was too much.
03:12So that is not the norm.
03:14You have to kind of realize that there's, like, a middle ground there.
03:17There are guys out there that will be all about you, though, and give you all the attention.
03:22And good morning texts, good night texts, talk to you all day.
03:26They exist out there.
03:27That's a lot, though.
03:28Like, you know, because we don't know what she look like.
03:31Like, you know what I'm saying?
03:32She's stalkable.
03:32I mean, yeah.
03:33But for that guy, yeah.
03:34That's what I'm saying.
03:35But you throwing it out there like, listen, there's a guy out there for you.
03:37We don't necessarily know.
03:39So maybe you might want to return back to the stalker dude to try and rekindle that.
03:43That's unhealthy.
03:44That was a two-year relationship, though.
03:46Yeah, but it's unhealthy, though.
03:47Like, you know how you stumble into a job?
03:49Yes.
03:50You weren't expecting it.
03:51She stumbled into a relationship, wasn't expecting it.
03:53And now he's set the bar.
03:55So maybe, if you're not getting it from the normal dudes, maybe you need to go back and say,
03:59hey, you know, let us rekindle this.
04:02I like the way you were.
04:03One of the problems is you're at the point now that a normal guy doesn't have a chance,
04:08does he?
04:08Because he's not putting in enough effort.
04:10He's not throwing rocks at your window at 3 a.m.
04:13Big shout out to Kayla.
04:14Yeah.
04:14She was one of our therapists.
04:15She said she went through the same thing of being needy.
04:18Yep.
04:18And they got four kids.
04:20And she had to, you know, break up with her husband and get back together after she got
04:24herself together and realized she was being too needy.
04:27So that was for the stalker lady.
04:29Yeah.
04:30Don't do it.
04:30Maybe that'll help.
04:31This came out of the 727.
04:33A little bit sensitive, but it says, morning freaks, I listen to you guys every day.
04:39Y'all give me the energy in the morning.
04:41So this is an open question.
04:43I lost the love of my life last year in January.
04:47I was wondering when does things get better?
04:50Uh, and what is the best advice to try and make myself better?
04:54Oh man.
04:55You got to take as much time as you need.
04:57January still is fresh.
05:00Don't, don't put any kind of like pressure or rush yourself to think that like, hey, I
05:07should be over this by now.
05:09Everybody has their own window of mourning and you're, you're very much is still new to
05:15this.
05:15The love of your life.
05:16That's good.
05:16That's going to hurt for a long time.
05:17Yeah.
05:18And you're going to kind of feel it and know, um, you're going to understand your own self
05:23a little bit better by going through this process.
05:25It could take a year, could take an extra six months.
05:27You don't know, but eventually one day you're going to wake up, look at yourself in the mirror
05:30and want to potentially start dating again.
05:34Just wait for the feeling.
05:35There's, there's no specific time.
05:37So, you know, do it when you feel like you're ready to move, uh, into a different, happier
05:43space or whatever, but there's no real right, right, right way to mourn.
05:47Yeah.
05:47Um, a relationship, a loss or anything like that.
05:50You are in the driver's seat.
05:52So, um, just go off of your own feelings and, and, and make sure that you keep yourself healthy
05:57and, and, and thinking of the good stuff.
06:00Um, I have one here.
06:01I won the lottery.
06:03Hey, okay.
06:04Mm-hmm.
06:04I want to give my ex a large amount of the money.
06:09She caught me cheating with my current partner.
06:12And even after divorcing, she's always been such a good person down to the bone, never rude
06:17or said anything foul to me or my kids.
06:20She deserves the world.
06:21And I royally messed up when I cheated on her because I was at a low point in my life.
06:25She has a crappy job and I want her to enjoy her life instead of living paycheck to paycheck.
06:31I told her I won the money and she said, congrats and wanted me to help take care of the kids
06:37or take them on a vacation around the world or something.
06:40Never once asking me for a thing.
06:42I want her taken care of, but I don't know how my woman is going to handle all of this.
06:47If your woman can't handle it, then buy another one.
06:50But I got the money, you got the money.
06:52No, I mean, listen, your, your girl is going to understand it, especially whatever that
06:56number is.
06:57If it's a big enough number, she knows you're going to spread the love.
06:59So why not spread the love to your kids?
07:02I mean, and your, and your kids can't necessarily get it on their own.
07:05So their mom got to be a part.
07:06I don't think your current lady is going to understand really.
07:09Cause I just, from that email, it sounds like you're really still feeling the ex.
07:12It sounds like you're in love.
07:13You're trying to buy her love back.
07:16Yeah.
07:16You mentioned the kids, but it was all about her crappy job and you want her to enjoy life.
07:21Your wife is definitely going to get that sense, that hint that you're, you're dropping.
07:26I think she's going to have a huge problem with that.
07:28Well, I mean, but she's probably got a problem because she was the other woman.
07:31Okay.
07:32Still.
07:32You know what I'm saying?
07:33Yeah.
07:33Cause what they say, how you got them is how you lose.
07:35But that's, but you made your choice with the new one.
07:38Right.
07:38Like that.
07:39I, I think this is going to lead to big problems, bro.
07:42I do.
07:42So you, so don't give her nothing.
07:45All right.
07:45At least don't tell you why.
07:47That's not good advice.
07:49He's good at that.
07:49He's pretty good at that.
07:50But that's not good advice.
07:52Yeah.
07:52But I mean, this, this dude is swooning over the last chick.
07:56I think he feels regret.
07:57To, to be like, Hey, don't give her anything.
07:59That doesn't sound like it was in the realm of possibilities for this guy.
08:02Somebody asked, what is the bare minimum gift I can get for my boyfriend this weekend?
08:08We'll make our sixth year anniversary.
08:10Last week, one night he got mad and left and did not come home.
08:15This has happened a few times throughout our relationship.
08:18And I've explained to him that it's not okay to me for you not to come home.
08:23And how would he like it if I ever went out and didn't tell him where I was and then didn't come home?
08:29I doubt we will be together much longer and don't want to go above and beyond for someone who will randomly not come home to me.
08:39What's the bare minimum gift?
08:41Uh, it's an anniversary or birthday?
08:43Six.
08:44Uh, for, for my boyfriend, it's my sixth year anniversary.
08:47Oh, anniversary.
08:48Uh, guys don't expect much for anniversaries.
08:50They don't really don't.
08:51A card.
08:51They really don't.
08:52A card.
08:52I mean, you don't even really gotta give him a card.
08:54What about a gift card so they can at least eat together so at least she can enjoy part of the gift as well?
08:59I mean, if y'all about to break up, just break up.
09:02That's what I'm saying.
09:03Don't prolong this for what?
09:05Why are you prolonging it?
09:06It's just going to be more fights until you guys eventually decide that this isn't working.
09:10It's an immature way to handle, I mean, a relationship.
09:12You go to, I remember I went to a dinner with somebody I was riffing with and it was like, it wasn't a good dinner.
09:18And it was at a spot that I loved.
09:20Yeah.
09:20And it ruined it.
09:21So don't go with somebody you fighting with.
09:23Like, I mean, unless you try to work on a relationship.
09:26But if you think Anna is texting, you said you don't think you're going to be together that long.
09:30Yeah.
09:30Go ahead and pull the bandaid off.
09:31Right.
09:32Don't give him anything.
09:33Maybe that'll make him leave.
09:34Where do y'all think he went?
09:36Oh.
09:36Oh, my.
09:37A girl's house, obviously.
09:38Are we in?
09:39Obviously.
09:39He could have went in the car to think.
09:41Uh-huh.
09:42Dobby!
09:43This is the first time.
09:44He wanted to cool down.
09:45What?
09:46Where's Dobby Ronaldo at?
09:48He just wanted to calm down.
09:49He wanted to calm down.
09:50Yeah.
09:50He needed to see it.
09:51There's some things to think about.
09:52Yeah.
09:52Okay.
09:53Oh, we got one out of the 727.
09:55I am.
09:56God.
09:57Dobby that boy.
09:58That's what we always do.
09:59I'm from my homie.
09:59What do you got to think?
10:01It says, out of the 727, my husband won't cut his damn beard.
10:05It's long.
10:06It's straggly.
10:07I hate it.
10:07I've told him so many times he won't do it.
10:09I'm very much less attracted to him.
10:12And I'm thinking about holding out on lovemaking.
10:15Don't do that.
10:15I just don't like his face right now.
10:17Is this too extreme to hold out on him?
10:20Listen, turn around.
10:21Turn around.
10:22Don't hold out, but just turn around.
10:24You ain't got to look at that beard.
10:26Because if you take away the nookie, that means he's going to have to go search for it.
10:32Well, he's not listening to me.
10:33So, I mean, he's not going to.
10:35It should be met halfway.
10:37Don't you put a man out there with a beard.
10:38The least you can do is trim your beard.
10:40Okay, I get if you want to keep the length.
10:42But the least you can do is kind of manage it a little bit.
10:45There are some scraggly, unkept beards out there.
10:47It's unattractive.
10:48I see some.
10:49I'll be like, yo, your lady doesn't say anything about that.
10:52It's some people who look like full-on cavemen.
10:54But their girls like it, so are they tolerating it?
10:56But I don't think they all do.
10:57I think I tolerate, yes.
10:59Talk to a lot of women who are tolerating it.
11:00Yeah.
11:01I think they all look smelly, personally.
11:03Yeah.
11:04Food gets caught in there.
11:06Yeah, listen, Buckwheat's beard looks smelly sometimes.
11:08We was talking yesterday, and I kept looking at his beard.
11:11I'm like, boy, if you don't hit that thing with a fade.
11:14Oh, my gosh.
11:15But, you know, it hurts to have to say, like, I don't like your face.
11:19She told us that.
11:21You don't want to say that, but she's saying it.
11:23Listen, if your wife don't like your face, you're in trouble.
11:26But don't tell him that.
11:27Because think about a man telling his wife, I don't really like your face right now.
11:33Do you understand the cold meals you're going to eat for a good six weeks?
11:36Yeah.
11:37Like, you can't say that.
11:38Why y'all get to fix your mouth and say that thing to that man like that?
11:40We're supposed to have thicker skin, and it's true.
11:44That's why I'm covering it with this beard.
11:46Yeah.
11:47It's just thick old skin up in there.
11:49Someone said turn off the lights.
11:50Or turn around.
11:52Now you ain't got to look him in his face.
11:53You know, a beard can really ruin somebody's face.
11:57If you're really good looking, a lot of guys don't need the beard.
12:00But then you guys want it.
12:01It's, like, more masculine or something like that, and you can't get rid of it.
12:04It's annoying.
12:04I can't get rid of it.
12:05Yeah.
12:05I can't get rid of it.
12:06I like the baby face.
12:07My beard is like I'm a kebo patient.
12:10Every time I've tried to do it, it don't come.
12:12And that's my jealousy.
12:13I look at everybody with the whole joint, and I'm like, oh, I hate you.
12:16Is it spotty?
12:17Yeah.
12:17I call me a bad patchy.
12:18It's weak.
12:19It's the weakest beard.
12:20Us Costa Ricas, we weren't born to have good beards.
12:23You know what it reminds me of is the dudes who try and get dreads, and that awkwardness
12:28while it's growing, and it's like they're twisting it, and they look around looking like a little
12:32cartoon cat.
12:32I feel you.
12:33It looks weird, and that's how my beard looks any time I try and grow it.
12:37So I'm not going to do that.
12:38Y'all have weak beard games?
12:39I do.
12:40I got very weak.
12:41Listen, I got weak game on that part.
12:43I'm not going to be able to pull that.
12:45Orlando and the Freak Show.
12:46Therapy Thursday is a wrap.
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