How to be a better communicator

The Street

Matt Abrahams, author of “Think Faster, Talk Smarter,” joins TheStreet to share some tips on how to be a better communicator.

Transcript

00:00So, tell me, Matt, what are your top three tips for being a better communicator?

00:07Thanks for asking, because I do think if we focus on three things, we can be much more

00:11effective.

00:12First, we have to manage our anxiety.

00:16Most people get nervous in high-stakes communication situations, be they planned, where you've

00:21thought about it, you've created an outline, or spontaneous, just in the moment.

00:26So we need to learn to manage our anxiety, and there are things we can do to address

00:30symptoms and sources.

00:33Second, we have to have a clear goal.

00:36All high-stakes communication should be goal-driven, and to me, a goal has three parts, information,

00:43emotion, and action.

00:44In other words, you need to ask yourself, what do you want your audience to know, how

00:48do you want them to feel, and what do you want them to do?

00:52And finally, we need to structure our information so we package it up so it's easy for our

00:57audience to understand.

00:59Many of us, when we communicate, we just list and itemize information.

01:04Our brains do not do well with lists.

01:06In fact, when I go to the grocery store, if I have more than three items, I need to write

01:10it down.

01:12What helps is a structure, a logical connection of ideas.

01:16For example, many people are familiar with problem, solution, benefit.

01:20You start with some issue or challenge, you talk about how you solve it, and then you

01:24talk about the benefits of doing it.

01:26Problem, solution, benefit is an example of one of many structures you can use to help.

01:32So manage anxiety, have a clear goal, leverage structure.

01:37So you drilled down on clear goals and on structure, but you didn't, when it came to

01:43managing anxiety, that might be what's making people more anxious.

01:47So talk to us about how to deal with that anxiety.

01:50Absolutely.

01:52So first and foremost, to realize it's normal and natural to feel nervous in high stakes

01:57situations.

01:59We have to take a two pronged approach, both symptoms and sources.

02:03We can manage the symptoms we feel.

02:05So for example, many people feel a rapid heart rate or they get shaky or they begin to blush

02:11and perspire.

02:12And there are things we can do to manage that.

02:14For example, take some deep belly breaths, the kind of breath you take if you've ever

02:18done yoga or Tai Chi, where you really fill your lower abdomen.

02:23And the key is the exhalation.

02:26My rule of thumb, or I like to joke, the rule of lung is you want your exhale to be twice

02:31as long as your inhale.

02:33So if I take a three count in, I take a six count out.

02:37If I'm shaky, I want to do purposeful movement.

02:40The shakiness is adrenaline trying to move us from a threatening situation to a safer

02:45situation.

02:47So if we move by doing big, broad, appropriate gestures, or we take a step towards our audience

02:52if we're standing, that can help us reduce shaking.

02:55We can manage many of the symptoms, but we also have to think about sources and there

03:00are many.

03:01Let me mention one.

03:03Many of us are made nervous because of the goal we have.

03:05I just said having a goal is important, but it can actually add to our anxiety.

03:10A goal is a concern about a future state.

03:14I want to get the funding.

03:15I want to get the support.

03:17Those are in the future.

03:19If I can become present oriented, I can be less nervous about not achieving that future

03:25goal.

03:26And there are lots of things we can do to make ourselves present oriented.

03:30You know, sometimes it's not just what we say, but what we look like when we're saying

03:35it.

03:36So what role does nonverbal communication like body language play into effective communication?

03:45It weighs heavy.

03:47The way we say something matters a lot.

03:50So let me give you a few really quick tips.

03:53First, you want to show yourself as big.

03:56Many of us, when we're nervous in particular, make ourselves small.

03:59Pull your shoulder blades down.

04:01That makes you look big.

04:02Keep your head straight.

04:03Avoid tilting your head.

04:05So you want to be big, balanced, and still.

04:08When you gesture, gesture broadly.

04:10Go beyond your shoulders.

04:11Many of us, when we're nervous or unsure, we gesture in front of our chest.

04:15Just go slightly beyond your shoulders.

04:17And then finally, vary your voice.

04:20If I speak in a very monotone way, it doesn't help me make my point because it doesn't demonstrate

04:28my passion, my authentic way of communicating.

04:30So big, balanced, and still with your body.

04:33Gesture beyond your shoulders.

04:35Vary your voice.

04:36You will be seen as confident and having passion for what it is you're discussing.

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