Weekly Reel: Big Summer Blockbuster Edition Part 2
- 7 years ago
Hey, welcome to the Weekly Reel – Big Summer Box Office Edition, Part 1. The place we tell you about the movies you’ll hopefully pay to see but you’ll probably stream for free.
SNATCHED: [Whiny voice]
Guuuuuyys! Amy Schumer got dumped again! Blaaah…
And Guuuuys!! Her biological clock is ticking!! Blaahh…
And Guyyyys!! Her mom has like NO fun anymore… So, it’s obvy time for a mother/daughter trip to South America. [End of whiny voice]
[01:00 Hola! AS: Check in for Middleton. Welcome… GH: Whale what? AS: Wel! Come! They’re not serving whale semen. GH: Oh welcome! I’m so sorry.]
But the funniest part is Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn get kidnapped.
[01:25 AS: I will get us out of here. And you should believe in me! Do you think that maybe that guy’s ok? GH: I saw his brains. AS: Why can’t you just make me feel better?]
We’ve heard of Schumer killing it in stand up, but now she’s straight up murkin’ people on the big screen?
You might think this looks like your standard mother-daughter kidnapped in South America story, and ok… That’s what it is. But it’s nice to see Goldie in the movies again, at least? Right?
If you and your mom really like gross out jokes, this one’s for you…
But take our advice: If you go see this movie with your mom, there are probably some parts you’ll be praying that someone would just come kidnap you.
So buy a ticket, kick up your feet and enjoy your overpriced popcorn. We’ll see you next week at the box office.
ALIEN: COVENANT
We’re shaking because… Aliens are back!! Hey, where are you running off to?
In Alien: Covenant, we see Michael Fassbender and his crew attempt to explore a new planet, and well, things get ear-rie. [Trailer A 01;09]
Ah man, the next thing you know, everyone’s dying and you can’t even see what’s going on around you anymore.
Hopefully director Ridley Scott doesn’t interrupt a sunny summer day with two hours of perpetual darkness, and a “scary” alien that you can’t even see.
Also, what’s up with this graphic PSA against shower sex? [01;51]
[02:23 ] Oh yeah... How much do you want to bet Danny McBride dies in this scene? They always kill off the funny guys in cowboy hats.
Take our advice: Go see it, because these are aliens you’re still allowed to dislike.
WONDERWOMAN:
Imagine if Gal Gadot filled out a dating profile for Wonder Woman, she’d probably be the summer’s most eligible bachelorette.
She’d be like “Hi, I’m Princess Diana of Themyscria, which if you haven’t heard of it, is basically like a magic Paradise… About me: Um, I love to keep active and live that #fitlife, and I love adventure… To be honest, I consider myself more on the tomboy side… And I do put up a shield if I need to… But I can dress to impress too.
Ok, sometimes my friends accuse me of roping guys in, but if I like you, our relationship is legit bulletproof… Oh, and I know how to handle a sword.
Me and my betches have dealt with a lot of bad boys… Been there, done that… Now, I’m looking for Mr. Right to help me conquer the world.
Not that I need a man though… Trust me, I’m an ex that you don’t want to mess with.”
SNATCHED: [Whiny voice]
Guuuuuyys! Amy Schumer got dumped again! Blaaah…
And Guuuuys!! Her biological clock is ticking!! Blaahh…
And Guyyyys!! Her mom has like NO fun anymore… So, it’s obvy time for a mother/daughter trip to South America. [End of whiny voice]
[01:00 Hola! AS: Check in for Middleton. Welcome… GH: Whale what? AS: Wel! Come! They’re not serving whale semen. GH: Oh welcome! I’m so sorry.]
But the funniest part is Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn get kidnapped.
[01:25 AS: I will get us out of here. And you should believe in me! Do you think that maybe that guy’s ok? GH: I saw his brains. AS: Why can’t you just make me feel better?]
We’ve heard of Schumer killing it in stand up, but now she’s straight up murkin’ people on the big screen?
You might think this looks like your standard mother-daughter kidnapped in South America story, and ok… That’s what it is. But it’s nice to see Goldie in the movies again, at least? Right?
If you and your mom really like gross out jokes, this one’s for you…
But take our advice: If you go see this movie with your mom, there are probably some parts you’ll be praying that someone would just come kidnap you.
So buy a ticket, kick up your feet and enjoy your overpriced popcorn. We’ll see you next week at the box office.
ALIEN: COVENANT
We’re shaking because… Aliens are back!! Hey, where are you running off to?
In Alien: Covenant, we see Michael Fassbender and his crew attempt to explore a new planet, and well, things get ear-rie. [Trailer A 01;09]
Ah man, the next thing you know, everyone’s dying and you can’t even see what’s going on around you anymore.
Hopefully director Ridley Scott doesn’t interrupt a sunny summer day with two hours of perpetual darkness, and a “scary” alien that you can’t even see.
Also, what’s up with this graphic PSA against shower sex? [01;51]
[02:23 ] Oh yeah... How much do you want to bet Danny McBride dies in this scene? They always kill off the funny guys in cowboy hats.
Take our advice: Go see it, because these are aliens you’re still allowed to dislike.
WONDERWOMAN:
Imagine if Gal Gadot filled out a dating profile for Wonder Woman, she’d probably be the summer’s most eligible bachelorette.
She’d be like “Hi, I’m Princess Diana of Themyscria, which if you haven’t heard of it, is basically like a magic Paradise… About me: Um, I love to keep active and live that #fitlife, and I love adventure… To be honest, I consider myself more on the tomboy side… And I do put up a shield if I need to… But I can dress to impress too.
Ok, sometimes my friends accuse me of roping guys in, but if I like you, our relationship is legit bulletproof… Oh, and I know how to handle a sword.
Me and my betches have dealt with a lot of bad boys… Been there, done that… Now, I’m looking for Mr. Right to help me conquer the world.
Not that I need a man though… Trust me, I’m an ex that you don’t want to mess with.”