Best Funny Monments of How I Met Your Mother - 50-59
#funny #sitcom #how I met your mother
#funny #sitcom #how I met your mother
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00:00thanks nothing not even a glance even i was thinking about rocking a motorboat on those
00:10bad boys evening ladies oh i like your what's a koala bear i think they're adorable no way
00:17my friend randy here is the leading expert on koala bears in australia that is so cool
00:22what is your favorite thing about koala bears bear meat is delicious
00:28want me to find the perfect girl so we can all go all together that is her do not let any guy near
00:32her okay that means no waiter takes her order no busboy clears her table if she bursts into flames
00:36i want to fire a woman putting her out i don't think man one one takes requests damn it marshall
00:41whatever you have to do keep maggie woke single until i get back but you never know until you
00:46taste it ted have you tasted her tootsie roll of course not ow wait have you
00:53sex with someone who has zero feelings for usa usa we should buy a bar of course we should buy a bar
01:03we should totally buy a bar totally buy a bar our bar would be awesome and dude dude dude dude
01:09the name of our bar puzzles people will be like why is it called puzzles that's the puzzle
01:18sweeter if you hadn't thought i was a tranny before but it's still sweet oh ted that's so romantic i
01:25want to fill a pillowcase with dead batteries and beat you with it beautiful charming intelligent
01:30engaged oh ted i'm so sorry yeah it was a long shot i told her to call me anyway if she changes her
01:36mind but i don't know whoa whoa let's not skip over this raise your hand if earlier today you hit
01:41on an engaged woman come on lily don't hate the player hate the game so my husband snuck off to
01:50go parasailing and he wants me to join him yes where the heck is this parasailing place you know i'm gonna
01:59call jerry well that's weird i just lost cell reception yes weird are we almost there almost there
02:10give me back my wife you son of a bitch
02:14stupid i'm stupid shush you're beautiful
02:21come on ted let's get you a hooker it'll be fun okay to bring to the banquet and hang out with
02:35ironically or to actually have sex with yes hey guys what you talking about fantasy football
02:42you're the most incredible woman i know and you deserve a big package your package has always
02:49been big enough you may not realize this marshall erickson but you've got a huge package
02:55why is it so important that you be part of this story because crazy stories are my thing
03:08you have architecture marshall has the law lily has art robin has pleasing me sexually you all have
03:13a passion that drives you well you know she's being crazy too she's pregnant she gets to be crazy
03:20you have to be the same one so what i don't get to be crazy again until the baby comes no then it's
03:25babies tend to be crazy when do i get to be crazy again never
03:30distract me off that is so condescending these guys are really starting to piss me off
03:38immediately switch the conversation to one of the following unless you want robin to start throwing
03:44her shoes three emperor penguins did you know that before intercourse the male and female emperor
03:52penguins bow to each other mr penguin mrs penguin oh god silly penguins acting all fancy
03:59what were we talking about uh-oh okay uh say we had kids they wouldn't have to grow up in some
04:06suburb somewhere they'd grow up on the road uh having adventures with us think of all the hard rock
04:10cafe t-shirts they could collect did you know that kids were never a part of my plan
04:14but if i was gonna have someone's babies i'd have your babies that's when you run tell me you ran
04:23okay here's my thing if gay guys start getting married then suddenly the whole world's gonna be
04:28doing it that's how it works they start something then six months later everyone follows it's like
04:32now everyone gets manicures yeah i don't get manicures okay then like how like getting your chest
04:37waxed you get your chest waxed you let's do it let's move to argentina
04:41the argentinian peso has dropped two-thirds in five years the government is opposed to free
04:50market reforms and the railroad has been a mess since the breakup of fiero carillas argentinos
04:54i hooked up with an argentinian exchange student in a port-a-john outside yankee stadium
04:59man she was chatty think about those stories i told you
05:02yeah i could see how that'd be a problem explain marriage is going to cause single life as we know
05:19it to die out think of how the american family will be strengthened shouldn't be messing with
05:25your roommate stuff what's she like i didn't know it but i was about to hear the very first
05:31description of the woman i'd one day marry she's a whore look my sister married a guy
05:35i didn't like sandals and socks come on buddy but i took her out nice one thanks i decided to leave
05:43out the hetero college face no one wants to hear about that it was perfect you even made tom's dad
05:48cry i'd have been doing that because he's a republican all right chumps let's do this
05:54you really want to make this bet with him you know how he is robin there is some pretty tough
06:01stuff on that list i do really think barney's gonna get his ear pierced get ear pierced check
06:07i can't believe i'm doing this i'm gonna give you one last shot but so help me if you so much
06:15as step one toe out of line you're gonna be playing duck hunting your mama's basement so fast
06:18it's gonna make your head spin now get out of here you won't regret this
06:25i am ready to hit the road i got baby wipes i got a variety of jerky i got six cans of tantrum
06:34well four one burned through the can the other one i drank already tantrum and now apparently i
06:40may end up getting deported oh my god that sucks i'm gonna go do push-ups in the kitchen
06:44tantrum don't you think it's a little convenient how that fire alarm happened to
06:50randomly go off what are you saying ted does she have enormous cans no then what we're saying is
06:55she's a crazy stalker bitch who pulled that fire alarm and you should run screaming you have to do
06:59it i'll help you study we're gonna stay up all night long i'm gonna drill you and then we're gonna
07:04study no seriously we're gonna do some cramming and then we're gonna study no seriously we're gonna
07:09bone up on okay barney sorry and we have catered to couples ever since well i mean single people
07:15can have fun here too right oh i suppose i could arrange a little recreation do you enjoy sitting on
07:20a bench but you know it's not gonna be easy this test it's not like the canadian citizenship test
07:26how do you know the canadian test is easy it's canada question one do you want to be canadian
07:31question two really how did you find me anyway you called me said you were never coming back
07:38so i jumped on a plane flew across the atlantic canada isn't across the atlantic you're talking
07:42nonsense
07:43boats boats boats it's the far-haften boat show boats boats november 5th 6th and 7th at the
07:52far-haften civic center bo-bo-boat come on down bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-boats
07:58lisa walker strung me along for months until one night i went to go tell her how much i loved her
08:05in song ted let me be clear this girl is a poison and you need to cut her out of your life forever
08:13hey there she is
08:16oh she brought some of her co-workers
08:20hang on to this girl tit hang on to her never let go man was a hunter
08:28so the hottest profession of the day gatherer homo erectus indeed
08:34hey by the way you uh you ditched that loser boyfriend yet no sir
08:40touch my nose dude ditch tiffany and join the barnacle in a farmer girl free-for-all
08:49side effects may include loss of clothing rug burn shortness of breath and sore abdominals the
08:53next morning what in the world is up ain't no potty like a farmer girl party because a farmer
08:58girl party don't stop dude i have already hooked up with three of them phantasmo plus my
09:04cholesterol is down my restless leg syndrome is cured i've never felt more alive
09:10yes the answer is yes perfect mom dad ted proposed
09:15no
09:21what did you do
09:23i seriously considered just marrying her out of sheer awkwardness
09:27so you're gonna ask her out yeah no i can't ask her out because if i ask her out i'm asking
09:33her out so how do i ask her out without asking her out
09:37did you guys get high look at this who was a cute little basketball
09:43player before you became the biggest pervert in the world
09:46yeah because nothing says casual like inviting a hundred people over just a mac on one girl
09:51oh and lily that's my leg
09:53you waited five minutes to tell me that
09:56oh my god this explains why i was always so awesome at basketball
10:01guys i'm black we do it up there sometimes
10:04solid plan my little friends we're the same height but may i suggest one little modification
10:10that foxy young thing you were chatting up take her up to the roof and have sex with her crazy
10:14monkey style not the plan it should be the plan i mean look at her ted look at her she's smoking
10:19thank you this chick and i are going at it behind the central park zoo the bonobo chimps start
10:25giving us a standing o and just when i'm about to give her the same thing what up i
10:29so it's over between me and works with carlos girl oh that was fast yeah i was trying to think
10:35what's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met i think i'm in love with you what
10:41thanks bro guess who just got four tickets to the origins of chewbacca star wars exhibit why
10:47no i said guess who i heard you yeah now that robin and i are together i've learned a lot about
10:53relationships by watching you and lily thanks man you're a terrible couple whoa ted that thing
10:58you're packing is way too big to fit in that box yeah that's what your mom said how dare you
11:02no she actually said that oh dear i thought i told you that's just not gonna fit in there
11:07delivery for marshall erickson
11:09this one's for you bill
11:16where do i sign
11:18they are my best friends so don't be surprised if they suddenly can't think of anything i do wrong
11:25did he juggle bad puns expect a standing ovation for picking up a 19 dollar check
11:30no let's not forget the menu type of gold mine hand in that river buddy well it is a lot cheaper
11:35than buying a condom oh santa yeah but that's a good lie like when we tell ted he'll meet the
11:40right girl and settle down i always find that reassuring you will meet her buddy you think so
11:45you're the coolest professor rosby well hot dog did it hurt what getting that kid's nose surgically
12:05removed from your ass like tugboat here oh i bet you he's made some mistakes and you didn't fire tugboat
12:12did you no i got him fixed and he calmed down exactly kind of randy doesn't need to be fired he
12:18needs to be fixed marshall we do some pretty bad things around here but i'm sorry i'm sorry hey barney
12:22i need your help this hottie i'm talking to is meeting a friend at a club so i need a wingman
12:26well just so you know i'd be giving up a sure thing here hey are you not a sure thing
12:31yeah i am wow you have enormous penis syndrome i've never heard of that yeah that's the problem
12:38with eps lack of awareness a bunch of drunk sloppy idiots fresh off a night of partying in the city
12:44just desperate to hook up with anything that moves all right see you new plan ted so this father
12:52something you know a backwards baseball cap really youngs me down sounds like somebody wants to hear
12:58some examples sweetie i'm just gonna close my eyes until it's all over top ten things at least i don't
13:03know where tonight oh hey ted kind of a big professional meeting you might want to trade out
13:09that lollipop for a shirt yeah i just gave it to one of these kids oh buddy you're half naked you're not
13:15a parent to any of these children don't offer him candy sorry this is taking so long he kicked for
13:21everybody else it's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure top ten things marshall said
13:26on his wedding night whoa it was small but i think i felt something top ten things lily said on her
13:31wedding night stop laughing at it lily in the bedroom okay oh i'm sorry i i didn't mean that to sound
13:39like ted and i are gonna do it kind of thing where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life can you
13:47hear its inspiring chant ted i think i can get laid i think i can get laid