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00:00:00Hello, my name is Clunkers.
00:00:04May I please stay with you nice people?
00:00:07Oh, I wish he could stay here, but Chandler's allergic.
00:00:11Extremely allergic, okay?
00:00:13If I am anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes,
00:00:17my throat will just close up.
00:00:19That's odd, because this dog's been living here for the past three days.
00:00:29Really?
00:00:30Chandler, if the dog has been here that long and you haven't had a reaction,
00:00:35maybe you're not allergic to this dog.
00:00:37Well, it still has to go, right?
00:00:39Why?
00:00:41Okay, it's, um...
00:00:42Don't do it!
00:00:46Don't do what?
00:00:47I have to, okay? It's time.
00:00:55Okay, I hate dogs.
00:00:57What? Tracy! Why?
00:00:59Hey!
00:01:00Told ya.
00:01:10I have a bone to pick with you.
00:01:17Uh-oh.
00:01:18Yes. Ben learned a little trick.
00:01:24Oh, yeah. Did he pull the old...
00:01:26That's right. That's right.
00:01:29Saran wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere.
00:01:34Oh, that. You know I hate practical jokes. They're mean and they're stupid, and I don't want my son learning them.
00:01:46Oh, come on. Saran wrap on the toilet seat? You don't think that's just a little funny?
00:01:50I was barefoot.
00:01:51Oh.
00:01:54Now, tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him, right?
00:02:02Yes.
00:02:04Hey, guys.
00:02:05Hey.
00:02:05Sweetie.
00:02:06Ready to go?
00:02:06Yeah.
00:02:07Sure.
00:02:07Ooh, I left my purse up at Monica's. I'll be right back.
00:02:09Wait a minute.
00:02:10What?
00:02:11Oh.
00:02:14Ooh.
00:02:16Ooh.
00:02:17Whoa.
00:02:18That one kept going.
00:02:19So, you and Phoebe, huh? How long have you been going out?
00:02:28Over a month.
00:02:29Wow.
00:02:30Maybe you and I ought to get to know each other a little better.
00:02:32Sure. I'd like that.
00:02:34Yeah. So, uh...
00:02:36What's your name?
00:02:41It's Jake.
00:02:42Joey.
00:02:43Hey, Jake. Do you like the Knicks?
00:02:45Yeah, big fan.
00:02:46Me too. There's a game on Tuesday.
00:02:49You want to go?
00:02:50Yeah, that'd be great.
00:02:51Let me make sure I'm not doing anything Tuesday.
00:03:00Pete.
00:03:00Hey.
00:03:01Listen, you know how, uh, when you're wearing pants and you lean forward, I check out your underwear?
00:03:07Yeah.
00:03:09Well, when Jake did it, I saw that he was wearing women's underwear.
00:03:15I know. They were mine.
00:03:18Oh.
00:03:19No, no, wait. That's weird.
00:03:23No, it's not. We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on.
00:03:27That's weird.
00:03:28I'm wearing his briefs right now.
00:03:30That's kind of hot.
00:03:33I think so, too.
00:03:34And that little flap? Great for holding my lipstick.
00:03:37Yeah, I wouldn't know about that.
00:03:45And, you know, Jake says that women's underwear is actually more comfortable.
00:03:51And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.
00:03:54Yeah, well, next thing you know, I'll be telling you that your high heels are good for his posture.
00:03:57There is nothing wrong with Jake, okay? He is all man.
00:04:03I'm thinking even more than you.
00:04:05Oh, yeah. He looked like a real lumberjack in those pink laces.
00:04:07I'm just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in women's underwear.
00:04:16I don't think you could ever do that.
00:04:17Hey, I am secure with my masculinity.
00:04:20Okay, whatever.
00:04:21You've seen my huge stack of porn, right?
00:04:23Yes.
00:04:51Hey, Pheebs.
00:05:07Hey.
00:05:10Check it out.
00:05:13Huh?
00:05:17How much of a man am I?
00:05:19Oh, nice.
00:05:22Manly and also kind of a slut.
00:05:25You know, I'm beginning to see what Jake was talking about.
00:05:29The silk feels really good.
00:05:32Yeah, and things aren't as smashed down as I thought they were going to be.
00:05:37That's great, Joe.
00:05:38Yeah, and you have so many more choices than you do with men's underwear.
00:05:41Bikini, French cut, thong, and the fabrics.
00:05:45You've got cotton, silk, lace.
00:05:47And you know what I've always wondered about?
00:05:48Pantyhoes.
00:05:51You know, the way they start at your toe and then they go all the way up to you.
00:05:58I should go take these off, shouldn't I?
00:06:00I think it's important that you do.
00:06:01Feel better?
00:06:07Yeah, much.
00:06:10Listen, uh, not that I'm insecure about my manhood or anything, you know, but, uh, I think I need to hook up with a woman, like, right now.
00:06:21Yeah, I understand.
00:06:22Yeah, okay.
00:06:22Hey.
00:06:28Hey.
00:06:29Hi.
00:06:30Hi.
00:06:30You look familiar.
00:06:32Do I know you from somewhere?
00:06:33I don't think so.
00:06:35Oh.
00:06:35Maybe it's because I'm on television.
00:06:39I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives.
00:06:41Wow.
00:06:42Really?
00:06:43Mm-hmm.
00:06:43$4.50, please.
00:06:44Oh, let me get this.
00:06:57These are for you.
00:06:58And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first.
00:07:05Now, let's take a look.
00:07:08Phoebe, oh, my God.
00:07:09What are you doing here?
00:07:10I need to talk to you.
00:07:11It's pretty urgent.
00:07:12It's about Monica and Chandler.
00:07:14Oh, my God.
00:07:15Um, of course.
00:07:16Of course.
00:07:16Uh, would you please excuse me for a moment?
00:07:19Um, do you know each other's hometowns?
00:07:22Why don't you...
00:07:24What's going on?
00:07:26Well, um, not much.
00:07:27But I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged,
00:07:31that maybe it'd be nice if they had some privacy, you know?
00:07:33So, could I just move in with you for a couple days?
00:07:38Um, okay.
00:07:40Yeah, sure.
00:07:41But what's wrong with Monica and Chandler?
00:07:44Nothing.
00:07:45Why?
00:07:48Phoebe, you said it was urgent.
00:07:50Oh, yeah, it is.
00:07:51I'm going to the movies, and it starts in, like, five minutes.
00:07:53Do you realize I have a classroom full of students?
00:08:02Oh, I'm sorry.
00:08:03I'm so rude.
00:08:04Does anyone want to come to the movies?
00:08:13I'm sorry.
00:08:14I thought maybe I'd make some warm milk, and it would help me sleep.
00:08:17With a walk?
00:08:21I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you to sleep.
00:08:24It got interesting.
00:08:26Damn you, Oprah.
00:08:30Here, let me make the milk.
00:08:31I'm up anyway.
00:08:33Hey, you know what we could do?
00:08:34You know, now that we're up,
00:08:35we could just, like, talk to each other all night long, you know?
00:08:38Like we did when we were first going out.
00:08:40It'd be fun.
00:08:41Okay, that does sound fun.
00:08:42Yeah.
00:08:43So, I mean, how bummed were you when the second sister died, huh?
00:08:46The second sister dies?
00:08:54No.
00:08:57No, I was talking about the book I was reading.
00:09:00The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
00:09:06That's correct.
00:09:08Okay, Rachel, you're up first.
00:09:11Situation number one.
00:09:12You're with Monica.
00:09:13The wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet.
00:09:17Go!
00:09:18I don't want to marry Chandler.
00:09:20Okay, um, it's going to be okay.
00:09:23One man the rest of my life?
00:09:24I don't know if I can do it.
00:09:26This means I'll never get to sleep with Joey.
00:09:30Look, Monica,
00:09:32getting cold feet is very common, you know?
00:09:35It's just because of all the anticipation.
00:09:37And you just have to remember that you love Chandler.
00:09:41And also, I ran out on a wedding.
00:09:45You don't get to keep the gifts.
00:09:48Very good.
00:09:48Drawing on your own experience.
00:09:50I like that.
00:09:50Yes.
00:09:52Very nice, Rachel.
00:09:54Thank you, judges.
00:09:55Oh, kiss ass.
00:09:57Oh.
00:10:00Okay, Phoebe.
00:10:01Yes, Your Honor.
00:10:01We're now in the ceremony.
00:10:05Monica is about to say,
00:10:07I do,
00:10:07when her drunk uncle starts yelling.
00:10:10What do you do?
00:10:11Go.
00:10:12When Monica was a little girl,
00:10:14I remember the...
00:10:15Very good.
00:10:23Yes.
00:10:24Excellent.
00:10:25Perfect score.
00:10:25Wait a minute.
00:10:26She just made a scene
00:10:27in the middle of the ceremony.
00:10:29Hey, you want a little taste of Phoebs?
00:10:32Wow, huh?
00:10:33Well, it's funny.
00:10:33These halls look smaller than they used to.
00:10:36It's a different building.
00:10:39So,
00:10:41Striker Remora, huh?
00:10:43When do you want me to start?
00:10:44Why don't we start right now?
00:10:46Okay.
00:10:48Here are the audition scenes.
00:10:54Audition?
00:10:55I thought you were going to offer me the part.
00:10:56Why would you think that?
00:10:58Well, it was Dr. Drake Remora,
00:10:59Striker's twin brother.
00:11:01Who looks more like me than me, right?
00:11:05Everybody has to audition.
00:11:09You know, Terry,
00:11:10I don't really need to do this.
00:11:12I got my own cable TV series.
00:11:15With a robot.
00:11:18I'm sorry, Joey.
00:11:19That's the way it is.
00:11:22Well,
00:11:24I guess you think you're pretty special, huh?
00:11:27Sitting up here in your fancy small hall building.
00:11:32Making stars jump through hoops for you, huh?
00:11:35Well, you know what?
00:11:36This is one star who's hoop.
00:11:41This is the star that the hoop, this hoop.
00:11:44I was Dr. Drake Remora!
00:11:45I look around and I just see so many people who've accomplished so many of their goals by the time they're 30.
00:11:52Yeah, but you shouldn't compare yourself to me.
00:11:54Come on, come on.
00:11:56Come on, baby, come on.
00:11:56Come on, baby.
00:11:57Come on.
00:12:00Come on.
00:12:00There you go.
00:12:05Hey.
00:12:06I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop.
00:12:11That's it! That's everything I wanted to do before I was 30.
00:12:14Except I wanted to patch things up with my sister.
00:12:17Oh, well, but yay!
00:12:19And girls, this thing is a godsend, if you know what I mean.
00:12:32Did you find anyone to marry you guys yet?
00:12:34No, but horny for Monica Minister called.
00:12:38Wanting to know if we were still together.
00:12:42We're never gonna find anybody.
00:12:44Well, then let me do it.
00:12:45Joe...
00:12:46No, no, no, look, I've been thinking about it.
00:12:47I'm an actor, right?
00:12:48So I won't get nervous talking in front of people.
00:12:50I won't spit, and I won't stare at Monica's breasts.
00:12:54You know, everyone knows I'm an ass man.
00:12:59That is true.
00:13:00Yeah, and the most important thing is it won't be some, like, stranger up there who barely knows you.
00:13:04It'll be me.
00:13:06And I swear, I'll do a really good job.
00:13:08Plus, you know, I love you guys, and it would really mean a lot to me.
00:13:14Might be kinda cool.
00:13:16So, I can do it?
00:13:17Yeah, you can do it.
00:13:18Alright!
00:13:19You don't get it!
00:13:20Alright!
00:13:21Okay, okay.
00:13:22I gotta get started on my speech.
00:13:24Wait a minute.
00:13:26Internet ministers can still have sex, right?
00:13:28Yeah.
00:13:29Hey, what are you guys, what are you guys talking about?
00:13:30Nothing.
00:13:31Yeah.
00:13:34Mmm.
00:13:35Damn, this coffee's cold.
00:13:37Hey, Rich, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins?
00:13:43You know, I cannot believe you told him.
00:13:46Joey!
00:13:47So, I guess you bought that book after we broke up, huh?
00:13:51Uh-huh, yeah, I did, because I wore out my first copy when I was with you.
00:13:54Oh, yeah, yeah, well, uh, when we were going out, I read tons of porno magazines!
00:14:02Sup?
00:14:05Boss, how could you do that to an old man?
00:14:12Excuse me, ladies.
00:14:14Hey, guess what I got for your wedding?
00:14:17A freakishly thin date with a hanger for a head?
00:14:20No, Rachel hooked me up with a tux.
00:14:23But not just any tux.
00:14:25Batman's tux!
00:14:27What?
00:14:28That's right.
00:14:29Made expressly for Val Kilmer.
00:14:31And worn by him in the hit film...
00:14:34that Batman film he was in.
00:14:37You can't wear that.
00:14:38I'm wearing the famous tux.
00:14:39James Bond's tux.
00:14:41So?
00:14:42So, if you wear that, it'll make mine less special.
00:14:45Well, you need something to make this day special?
00:14:47Hello?
00:14:48You had the most special thing of all.
00:14:50You are marrying the woman you love.
00:14:58Please don't take away my cool thing.
00:15:00Please?
00:15:01Pretty please?
00:15:02Pretty please?
00:15:03Not very, uh, 007.
00:15:06Look, it's my wedding day, okay?
00:15:08If you were getting married, I would never do anything to upset you.
00:15:10When I got married, you slept with my sister.
00:15:12That was pretty 007.
00:15:15Oh, my God! How did you get back here?
00:15:19Phoebe Buffay?
00:15:23Fire alarm?
00:15:30Oh!
00:15:31Hi, Officer Fireman.
00:15:33Can I help you?
00:15:34We found your fire alarm in the trash chute.
00:15:36Mm-hmm. That's not mine.
00:15:37Yes, it is.
00:15:38How do you know?
00:15:39The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in the trash chute,
00:15:41don't wrap it in a blanket that says,
00:15:43Property of Phoebe Buffay, not Monica.
00:15:46Okay, do you...
00:15:47Okay, do you have a search warrant?
00:15:48Because the last time I checked, this was still America.
00:15:53Please reattach this.
00:15:54It's against the law to disconnect them.
00:15:56Fine.
00:15:57But please, God, tell me how to stop that from going off.
00:16:00Just press the reset button under the plastic cover.
00:16:02There's a reset button?
00:16:04Oh, thank you.
00:16:06Oh, there's a reset button?
00:16:09My God!
00:16:11Why didn't I see that?
00:16:16Reset button.
00:16:17Reset button.
00:16:18Where is there a reset button?
00:16:19Oh, here it is!
00:16:20Oh!
00:16:21Anything that's not Ralph Lauren?
00:16:37Yeah, I don't think so, Joe.
00:16:42All right, I guess this will be fine.
00:16:45Hey, listen, what are you doing tonight?
00:16:47Not that much.
00:16:48Not that much.
00:16:49How would you feel about taking out my assistant tag?
00:16:51I'll pay.
00:16:53Rach, I gotta say, it's gonna take a lot of money
00:16:55for me to go out on a date with a dude.
00:16:59I'm not asking you to go on a date with him.
00:17:02Really?
00:17:03Because I could kind of use the money.
00:17:06Joey, just, just, he's new in town,
00:17:08and I know he doesn't have any guy friends.
00:17:10Just take him to, like, a ball game or something.
00:17:12I'd really appreciate it.
00:17:13Yeah, okay.
00:17:14Sure, no problem.
00:17:16Ooh, hey, donuts.
00:17:17Yeah.
00:17:18Okay.
00:17:19Okay.
00:17:25I wish I didn't have to go.
00:17:27Believe me.
00:17:28But, unfortunately, I have to.
00:17:30Oh, um, by the way, what's the name of the girl you're dating?
00:17:33Kristen Leigh.
00:17:34Bye!
00:17:35Well, obviously, only one of us can keep dating her.
00:17:42Obviously.
00:17:43So how do we decide?
00:17:45Well, now, let's, let's look at this objectively.
00:17:49I think I should date her.
00:17:51Uh-huh.
00:17:52Uh-huh.
00:17:53Uh-huh.
00:17:54Or, or, I'm the one who dates her.
00:17:59That's interesting.
00:18:00But check this out.
00:18:01I date her?
00:18:02Yeah, yeah.
00:18:03I like that.
00:18:04But just to go in another direction?
00:18:06Okay, okay.
00:18:07This can go on for a while.
00:18:08Yeah, well, we should order some food then.
00:18:10No, Joey.
00:18:11Look, why don't, why don't we just let her decide?
00:18:16Okay?
00:18:17Hey, hey.
00:18:18We'll each go out with her one more time.
00:18:21And, and we'll see who she likes best.
00:18:24That sounds fair.
00:18:27Maybe I'll take her to that new French restaurant down the street.
00:18:31Uh, hey, wait a second now.
00:18:33Look, we're gonna have to set a spending limit on the date.
00:18:35I don't have the money to take her to a fancy place like that.
00:18:38Well, sorry.
00:18:39That's what I do on dates.
00:18:41All right.
00:18:42Well, I guess I'll just have to do what I do on dates.
00:18:53So let's decide on the spending limit.
00:18:55Yeah.
00:18:56Uh, a slice.
00:19:01Six dollars?
00:19:05I was thinking more like a hundred.
00:19:09Okay.
00:19:10Can I borrow 94 dollars?
00:19:12Hey, guys.
00:19:14Hey.
00:19:15So, what do you think?
00:19:18About what?
00:19:19What?
00:19:20Yeah, what?
00:19:21Are you kidding?
00:19:22Okay, I'll give you a hint.
00:19:23I'll give you a hint.
00:19:24Eyes.
00:19:25No, no.
00:19:26Your eyes.
00:19:27No.
00:19:28Chandler's eyes.
00:19:29I got glasses.
00:19:30You always had glasses.
00:19:31No, I didn't.
00:19:32Are you sure?
00:19:33Yeah, didn't you used to have a pair?
00:19:34They were really round and burgundy and they made you look kind of, um...
00:19:35Feminine.
00:19:36Yes.
00:19:37No.
00:19:38Sweetie, I think the glasses look great.
00:19:39They make you look really sexy.
00:19:40Really?
00:19:41Yeah.
00:19:42Yeah.
00:19:43You didn't think I used to wear glasses?
00:19:44I got glasses.
00:19:45I got glasses.
00:19:46You always had glasses.
00:19:47No, I didn't.
00:19:48Are you sure?
00:19:49Yeah, didn't you used to have a pair?
00:19:50They were really round and burgundy and they made you look kind of, um...
00:19:51Feminine.
00:19:52Yes.
00:19:53No.
00:19:54Sweetie, I think the glasses look great.
00:19:55They make you look really sexy.
00:19:56Really?
00:19:57Yeah.
00:19:58You didn't think I used to wear glasses, right?
00:19:59Of course.
00:20:00Phil, I just talked to one of the dual writers today and...
00:20:03What is dual?
00:20:04Days of Our Lives.
00:20:05Anyway, you're not going to believe it.
00:20:06My character is coming out of his coma.
00:20:07Oh, that's right.
00:20:08Oh, yeah.
00:20:09Oh, yeah.
00:20:10Oh, yeah.
00:20:11Oh, yeah.
00:20:12Oh, yeah.
00:20:13Oh, yeah.
00:20:14Oh, yeah.
00:20:15Oh, yeah.
00:20:16Oh, yeah.
00:20:17Oh, yeah.
00:20:18Oh, yeah.
00:20:19Oh, yeah.
00:20:20Oh, yeah.
00:20:21Oh, yeah.
00:20:22And not only that, I'm getting a new brain.
00:20:27So, great things are happening at work and in your personal life.
00:20:31Wait, what do you mean you're getting a new brain?
00:20:34Oh, well, they're killing off one of the characters on the show and when she dies, her brain is being transplanted into my body.
00:20:42What?
00:20:43A brain transplant?
00:20:45It's ridiculous.
00:20:47Oh, I think it's ridiculous that you haven't had sex in three and a half months.
00:20:51It's winter.
00:20:52There are fewer people on the street.
00:20:53Who are they killing off?
00:20:54Uh, Cecilia Monroe.
00:20:55She plays Jessica Lockhart.
00:20:56No!
00:20:57No!
00:20:58She is so good at throwing drinks in people's faces.
00:21:02I mean, I don't think I've ever seen her finish a beverage.
00:21:04And the way she slaps people all the time.
00:21:05Wouldn't you love to do that just once?
00:21:06Don't do it.
00:21:07Man, she's been on the show forever.
00:21:08It's gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.
00:21:09Yeah, yeah.
00:21:10Well, help me out here.
00:21:11When you, when you come out of the brain transplant, you are going to be her?
00:21:14Yes, but in Drake Ramore's body.
00:21:15Why is it so hard for you to get?
00:21:16I thought you were a scientist.
00:21:17Hey, how was it?
00:21:18Well, I had a great time.
00:21:19um, Chauncey, on the other hand, was a great job.
00:21:20head, right?
00:21:21And, you know, she's been on the show forever.
00:21:22It's gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.
00:21:23Yeah, yeah.
00:21:24Help me out here.
00:21:25When you, when you come out of the brain transplant...
00:21:28You are going to be her?
00:21:31Yes, but in Drake Ramore's body.
00:21:35What's the...
00:21:36Why is it so hard for you to get?
00:21:41I thought you were a scientist.
00:21:42Hey, how was it?
00:21:45Well, I had a great time.
00:21:47Um, Chauncey, on the other hand, I will tell the story.
00:21:53It was going great. I let him win. We were bonding.
00:21:56He even said that I could call him Dad.
00:21:58And what did he ask you, not to call him?
00:22:01Daddy.
00:22:03All right, look, here's the story.
00:22:06Well, we had just finished playing racquetball, and we were going to take a steam.
00:22:10I walk into the steam room, and it's really steamy.
00:22:13So I take off my glasses, and that's when it happened.
00:22:20Guys?
00:22:21Over here.
00:22:22Have a seat, son.
00:22:29Hey!
00:22:30Hey!
00:22:30Oh, my God, Chandler. I can't believe it.
00:22:44I know.
00:22:45You gave my father a lap dance.
00:22:50Why did they put so much steam in there?
00:22:54Because otherwise, they'd have to call it the room room.
00:22:58Why, okay? Why?
00:23:03Why did that have to happen?
00:23:06Come on, it's not that big a deal.
00:23:08Not that big a deal.
00:23:09There was touching of things.
00:23:13All right, I know you wanted to bond with my dad,
00:23:15but did you really have to bond to that part?
00:23:22Listen, I'm sure the dad doesn't care.
00:23:24He probably thought this was really funny.
00:23:25He'll be telling the story for years.
00:23:27I don't want him to tell this story for years.
00:23:31Oh, but he will.
00:23:33He still tells the story about how Monica tried to escape from fat camp.
00:23:39I wasn't escaping.
00:23:41Then how'd you get caught in the barbed wire?
00:23:44I was trying to help out a squirrel.
00:23:46You were trying to eat it!
00:23:48If that is your father calling to tell this story,
00:23:54then the marriage is off.
00:23:56Come on.
00:23:57Hello?
00:23:59I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
00:24:02Okay, I'll call you later, Dad.
00:24:03I love you.
00:24:03All right, I'm off to see your dad.
00:24:12Whoa, whoa.
00:24:13Aren't you a little overdressed?
00:24:16Yeah, and you better make sure he tips you this time.
00:24:21Look, I figured I would try to commit to him not to tell the story anymore,
00:24:24and I figured the best way to do that was face to face.
00:24:28And by face, I don't mean his lap.
00:24:30And by face, I don't mean my ass.
00:24:37So you understand, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you didn't tell people what happened.
00:24:41You know, I'm a little embarrassed about it.
00:24:44I understand completely.
00:24:46There's nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws.
00:24:51As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy, I was unemployed.
00:24:55And her father asked me what I did for a living, and I told him I was a lawyer.
00:24:59What did you do when they found out?
00:25:01They never did.
00:25:02So if you ever see me giving them legal advice, just nod along.
00:25:07Shall we?
00:25:14So, I guess we wear swimsuits in here.
00:25:28Okay, good, good.
00:25:29You're here.
00:25:29All right, I figured it out.
00:25:31I'm going to take two tables of eight, I'm going to add your parents,
00:25:33and I'm going to turn them into three tables of six, okay?
00:25:36And I called the caterer, I added two extra meals, we are good to go.
00:25:39Yeah, they're not coming.
00:25:40What?
00:25:45Somehow, they got the idea that you only invited them because of me.
00:25:48They feel a little unwanted.
00:25:50Oh, that's too bad.
00:25:52It's true, but too bad.
00:25:55Look, Mom, if you could just call my mom.
00:25:56Oh, Joey.
00:25:57Come on, look, just let her know that you really want them to be there.
00:26:00Let's not forget, this is a woman who has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
00:26:04No, she hasn't.
00:26:05Is it her fault if some of them didn't make it to you?
00:26:08What am I going to say?
00:26:10I don't know, just tell them there was a mix-up with the invitations.
00:26:13No, no, no, blame it on the post office.
00:26:15They hate the post office.
00:26:17And the Irish.
00:26:19But I don't think you could blame it on them, so...
00:26:23Hello?
00:26:25Yeah, hi, Mrs. Triviani?
00:26:28Hi, this is Monica Geller.
00:26:29Yeah, I'm just calling to say that Chandler and I really hope that you can make it to the wedding.
00:26:34Yeah, apparently a bunch of the invitations that we sent weren't delivered.
00:26:37Um, I guess there was some screw-up at the damn post office.
00:26:44Tell me about it.
00:26:46Yeah, yeah, the U.S. post office?
00:26:48No, more like U.S. lost office.
00:26:51What are they, Irish?
00:26:53Irish?
00:27:04All right, gentlemen, you're up first.
00:27:05Okay.
00:27:06Okay.
00:27:06You have 30 seconds.
00:27:10The lightning round begins...
00:27:12Stop it.
00:27:16Now, what was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
00:27:19Big fat goalie.
00:27:20Correct.
00:27:24Rachel claims this is her favorite movie.
00:27:26Dangerous Liaisons.
00:27:27Correct.
00:27:28Her actual favorite movie is...
00:27:29Weekend of Bernie's.
00:27:30Correct.
00:27:32In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?
00:27:37Oh!
00:27:41Ew, no!
00:27:42Her ear!
00:27:48All right.
00:27:49Monica categorizes her towels.
00:27:51How many categories are there?
00:27:53Everyday use.
00:27:54Fancy.
00:27:55Guest.
00:27:56Fancy guest.
00:27:56Two seconds.
00:27:57Oh, 11!
00:28:0011.
00:28:00Unbelievable.
00:28:0111 is correct.
00:28:02Yes!
00:28:02All right.
00:28:07That's four for the guys.
00:28:08Ladies, you're up.
00:28:09All right.
00:28:09All right.
00:28:10Come on.
00:28:10Come on.
00:28:11Oh.
00:28:1530 seconds on the clock.
00:28:17Five correct questions wins the game.
00:28:20The lightning round begins now.
00:28:23What is Joey's favorite food?
00:28:24Sandwiches.
00:28:24Correct.
00:28:26Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?
00:28:2814?
00:28:29No, 19.
00:28:30Thanks, man.
00:28:32Joey had an imaginary childhood friend.
00:28:34His name was...
00:28:35Maurice.
00:28:35Correct.
00:28:36His profession was...
00:28:37Space cowboy!
00:28:38Correct.
00:28:43You can't find garbage bags.
00:28:45Oh.
00:28:45I think I saw some in here.
00:28:50What is it?
00:28:54I don't know.
00:28:56But maybe if we keep that drawer shut, it'll die.
00:28:58I can't believe we're living here.
00:29:07Ah!
00:29:08What?
00:29:09What is it?
00:29:10Did you see the size of the closets?
00:29:13I can't believe we live here.
00:29:23Aw.
00:29:25Aw.
00:29:25Okay.
00:29:27It's ready.
00:29:29Come on.
00:29:30What's ready?
00:29:32Just come.
00:29:37Oh, my God.
00:29:40Wow.
00:29:40Hey, Monica.
00:29:41This is beautiful.
00:29:43Oh, did you...
00:29:44What?
00:29:44Did you work for two days straight?
00:29:48Pretty much.
00:29:48What do you think of the floor?
00:29:53I don't know.
00:29:53It looks the same.
00:29:55You used to have carpet.
00:29:57Oh, yeah.
00:29:59So, I made snacks.
00:30:01Oh, yeah.
00:30:02Please, just hang out, okay?
00:30:03I'm just gonna rest my eyes for just a little bit.
00:30:07Come on.
00:30:08Do you want us to come back later?
00:30:10Oh, no, no, no.
00:30:10Stay.
00:30:11Stay.
00:30:11Stay.
00:30:12Just keep talking.
00:30:13I am always the hostess.
00:30:17I overslept.
00:30:19I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago.
00:30:20I gotta get out of here.
00:30:22Oh, what?
00:30:23Joey, you can't go like that.
00:30:24You stink.
00:30:25Look, I fell asleep before I could take a shower.
00:30:27Now I don't have time.
00:30:28They're just ten blocks away.
00:30:29If I run, I can make it.
00:30:30Yeah, run ten blocks.
00:30:31That'll help the smell.
00:30:33Hey, folks.
00:30:33Slow down.
00:30:34No, keep moving.
00:30:35Whoa.
00:30:36So, how did it go with Joshua last night?
00:30:38Oh, well, I didn't see Joshua, but I did punch a girl in the face.
00:30:44What?
00:30:44Why?
00:30:45Well, the whole night was horrible.
00:30:46It was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list,
00:30:51but there was a Rachel Greep.
00:30:53Oh, so did you get to meet her?
00:30:58No, there is no Rachel Greep.
00:31:00But then this other girl overheard us, and she was all,
00:31:02I'm Rachel Greep, I'm Rachel Greep, and he let her right in.
00:31:05So you hit her in the face?
00:31:06No.
00:31:07She was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella,
00:31:11so I clocked her.
00:31:16You don't have to stop having fun just because I'm here.
00:31:20Kathy didn't cheat on all of you.
00:31:24Well, except you.
00:31:25Hey, Joey, I don't think that you should leave Chandler alone.
00:31:38I mean, it's only been two days since you broke up with Kathy.
00:31:40Maybe you can go fishing next week.
00:31:42Look, there's nothing I can do for him right now.
00:31:43He's still in his sweatpants.
00:31:45That's only phase one.
00:31:47You know, I'll be back for phase two.
00:31:49I would never miss phase two.
00:31:52What's phase two?
00:31:53Getting drunk and going to a strip club.
00:31:57How does going to a strip club make him better?
00:32:00There are naked ladies there.
00:32:02Oh, and it helps him get to phase three, picturing yourself with other women.
00:32:06There are naked ladies there, too.
00:32:07Yeah.
00:32:07Would you give me one minute, please?
00:32:13All right.
00:32:13Well, I'm going to put my sweats back on.
00:32:15No, wait, wait.
00:32:16Okay, you know what?
00:32:17You were right.
00:32:17You were right.
00:32:18We really weren't great at being guys.
00:32:20But do you know why?
00:32:21Because we're girls.
00:32:24Yeah?
00:32:24Okay, do you know what girls are really good at?
00:32:26Stripping.
00:32:27Yeah.
00:32:30No, listening.
00:32:31Sit.
00:32:33You know, maybe just...
00:32:34It would really, really help if you would just talk.
00:32:38Yeah, come on.
00:32:39What's going on in there?
00:32:43Yeah.
00:32:44You know, if you want to cry, that's okay, too.
00:32:48Okay, look.
00:32:49I'm going to have to ask you all to leave.
00:32:51Come on, Chandler.
00:32:53Look, come on.
00:32:53Forget it.
00:32:54We tried, but phase three is a lost cause.
00:32:57Okay?
00:32:57Those strippers were insanely hot,
00:32:59and I couldn't picture myself with any of them.
00:33:01They really were pretty, weren't they?
00:33:07Oh, you know, I really liked that fighter pilot one.
00:33:10Oh, handy?
00:33:11Oh, she was so spunky.
00:33:13Yeah.
00:33:15You know, I think if I were going to be with a woman...
00:33:17It'd be with someone like Michelle.
00:33:22She was just so petite.
00:33:25See, I don't know.
00:33:26For me, it would have to be Chantal.
00:33:28Oh, Chantal.
00:33:29You know, oh, my God, this...
00:33:31She had the smoothest skin.
00:33:34I mean, when I stuck that dollar bill in her G-string
00:33:36and grazed her thong...
00:33:38Phase three!
00:33:40I just achieved phase three!
00:33:43Really?
00:33:43I am totally picturing you with all those women.
00:33:48That's... that's not phase three?
00:33:49Well, I'm there, too.
00:33:53Well, aren't we all together, like, in a group?
00:33:55Stop it! You're killing me!
00:33:56I think I just moved on stage four!
00:34:00Oh, what is that? What is that?
00:34:01Well, I don't want to have a relationship ever.
00:34:03I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!
00:34:09Joey, let me ask you a question.
00:34:11This has been driving me crazy.
00:34:12What does this light switch do?
00:34:13Oh, nothing.
00:34:15Didn't it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?
00:34:18I know what it did.
00:34:19Nothing.
00:34:19Nothing.
00:34:21They wouldn't have put it there if it didn't do something.
00:34:24How can you not care?
00:34:25Like this.
00:34:32Done?
00:34:33Yep.
00:34:35Hey.
00:34:35Hey.
00:34:35Hey.
00:34:36What's up?
00:34:37The switch thing has been driving me crazy.
00:34:39Oh.
00:34:40So, I turned it off and checked every outlet.
00:34:42Now, four of them don't work, which means one of them has to be controlled by the switch.
00:34:47So, I plugged in things in all four outlets that make noise.
00:34:50That way, when I turn it on, I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
00:34:54I better stop listening before you did.
00:34:59You know, you also could have used lamps and then followed the light.
00:35:05Yeah.
00:35:05Well, I'm using noise.
00:35:07Okay.
00:35:09All right.
00:35:10So, everybody ready?
00:35:11Here we go.
00:35:12Something.
00:35:17I hear something.
00:35:18Where is it?
00:35:30It's coming from Joey.
00:35:31Oh, my God.
00:35:35That's so freaky.
00:35:36Turn him off.
00:35:40Hi.
00:35:41Hi.
00:35:41What are these?
00:35:48Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up.
00:35:52Thought they'd brighten up the place.
00:35:54They do, don't you think?
00:35:57Ow!
00:35:58No, no, no.
00:35:59Don't.
00:35:59Ow!
00:36:01Ow!
00:36:04I know that there's no hole there.
00:36:05I just really like that picture.
00:36:06Oh, my God.
00:36:11Look at this.
00:36:12Okay, but there is a wire back there.
00:36:14I mean, that switch is connected to something.
00:36:16I don't care.
00:36:17The wires have come loose in your head.
00:36:20I just thought if I could follow the wire, I could find out what it did.
00:36:24And did you?
00:36:25No.
00:36:27It disappears back there behind that baseboard.
00:36:29A minute there, I thought it went downstairs.
00:36:31But it didn't.
00:36:40Say hello to Mrs. Ketrakis.
00:36:42Oh, my God.
00:36:43Hello, darling.
00:36:45Hello, Mrs. Ketrakis.
00:36:52The super couldn't figure out what it did.
00:36:54The $200 an hour electrician couldn't figure out what it did.
00:36:58I've had seven pretty serious shocks.
00:37:01I officially give up.
00:37:04Thank God.
00:37:06Guess Joey was right.
00:37:09It does nothing.
00:37:16See?
00:37:21I'm doing it.
00:37:23I am totally doing it.
00:37:24I lost it.
00:37:35What is it, hon?
00:37:37Nothing.
00:37:37I can't find anything that I want to eat.
00:37:39Everything makes me nauseous.
00:37:41I'm telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake.
00:37:43Ooh, cake.
00:37:45No.
00:37:46Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
00:37:49God.
00:37:50Ooh, what is that smell?
00:37:52It's coming from the bathroom.
00:37:54Ooh.
00:37:55Well, pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.
00:37:59Yeah.
00:37:59It's me.
00:38:00It's Phoebe.
00:38:00Listen, there's something in here I want to eat.
00:38:02What, what?
00:38:05What smells so good?
00:38:06Is it the shampoo?
00:38:09It's guava.
00:38:10No.
00:38:12Ugh.
00:38:12Oh, wait, wait.
00:38:15Is it my bologna sandwich?
00:38:19Yes.
00:38:20Yes.
00:38:20Yes.
00:38:21I can't believe it.
00:38:22The baby wants bologna.
00:38:23The baby wants me to eat meat.
00:38:24I can't eat meat.
00:38:25Oh, wait, wait.
00:38:28Maybe it's a pickle.
00:38:29He wants to go first.
00:38:30Okay.
00:38:31Okay.
00:38:31Okay.
00:38:32Emily.
00:38:34Hi.
00:38:36Welcome to America.
00:38:43All right.
00:38:45Oh, my gosh.
00:38:48Two in a row.
00:38:49You got to use your tongues now.
00:38:56All right.
00:38:57Emily.
00:38:58What are the odds?
00:39:01What are the odds?
00:39:02I am sorry.
00:39:03Okay, that's enough.
00:39:05You know, let's let someone else play.
00:39:10If you didn't want to play, then why'd you come to the party?
00:39:18We can't go now.
00:39:19It looks like Rachel's going to put on a skit.
00:39:24Oh, my God.
00:39:25Have you lost your mind?
00:39:27No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:39:28I am finally thinking clearly.
00:39:32My lucky dress wasn't working out too well for me.
00:39:34But for four years, this baby never missed.
00:39:37Rachel, Rachel, Rachel.
00:39:38I cannot.
00:39:39I can't let...
00:39:41Actually, I kind of want to see what happens.
00:39:45Hey.
00:39:46Hey.
00:39:47Hey.
00:39:47Nice, uh, costume.
00:39:49Oh, yeah.
00:39:50Well, I wanted to give Emily a big American goodbye cheer.
00:39:55So, okay.
00:39:57Woo!
00:40:00Ready.
00:40:02Okay.
00:40:03Give me an E.
00:40:04E.
00:40:05Give me an M.
00:40:06M.
00:40:07Give me an I.
00:40:08I.
00:40:08Give me an L.
00:40:09L.
00:40:10Give me a Y.
00:40:11Y.
00:40:11What do you get?
00:40:14Oh, Emily.
00:40:16Woo!
00:40:17Oh, Emily!
00:40:21Okay.
00:40:22So, that's me as a cheerleader.
00:40:23Ta-da!
00:40:26All right.
00:40:27Fine, I'm fine.
00:40:27I'm just losing a tooth.
00:40:28It's so big.
00:40:29Yeah, I have a dentist.
00:40:29You know?
00:40:30I'm going to put some mice on him.
00:40:31Excuse me.
00:40:35What do I do now?
00:40:36What do I do now?
00:40:37I think you're done.
00:40:40Okay.
00:40:40Time to take off the bra.
00:40:41Mm.
00:40:43Hi.
00:40:44Hi.
00:40:44Listen, can we watch cartoons on your television?
00:40:47We need a porn break.
00:40:50We spent the last two hours watching In-N-Out and In-Again.
00:40:56So, why don't you just turn it off?
00:40:58Because then we'd be the guys who turned off free porn.
00:41:02Oh, good.
00:41:04You're here.
00:41:04Okay.
00:41:05Hi.
00:41:06What you got there?
00:41:07Oh, this?
00:41:08Well, I'm glad you asked.
00:41:09Now, don't you hate it when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife?
00:41:20Ah.
00:41:22Now, I know what you're thinking.
00:41:24Pregnant woman slays four?
00:41:28Phoebe, they didn't make you pay for those knives, did they?
00:41:30No.
00:41:31Are you sure?
00:41:32No.
00:41:35Honey, you're not going to make enough money to help Frank and Alice just by selling knives.
00:41:38No, no, I know that, but I just need to make enough money for the second part of my plan.
00:41:42What's the second part of your plan?
00:41:44My Saturn dealership.
00:41:47Hey.
00:41:48Hey.
00:41:49I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didn't ask me to
00:41:55go do it with her in the vault.
00:41:58Same kind of thing happened to me.
00:42:00Woman pizza delivery guy comes over, gives me the pizza, takes the money, and leaves.
00:42:05What, no, like, nice apartment, bet the bedrooms are huge?
00:42:08No, nothing!
00:42:11You know what?
00:42:12We have to turn off the porn.
00:42:15I think you're right.
00:42:17All right, ready?
00:42:20One, two, three.
00:42:22Three.
00:42:27That's kind of nice.
00:42:29Yeah, that's kind of a relief.
00:42:30You want to see if we still have it?
00:42:40Yeah.
00:42:43Free girl, and we have a free!
00:42:44Morning's here, the morning's here, sunshine's here, the skies clear, the morning's here, the morning's here.
00:43:03Pat!
00:43:04You have to do that.
00:43:07It's Saturday.
00:43:08Oh, come on!
00:43:11Morning's here!
00:43:15Morning's here, the morning's here, sunshine is here.
00:43:24I hate this apartment!
00:43:27I hate the color of these walls!
00:43:30I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird!
00:43:34I hate that singing guy!
00:43:36Are you kidding?
00:43:37I love that guy!
00:43:41Morning's here, the morning is here!
00:43:44Stop it!
00:43:46I will kill you.
00:43:48We have a game!
00:43:49Okay, okay.
00:43:49Oh, this is great!
00:43:51What's the game?
00:43:51What's the game?
00:43:52Um, well, it doesn't have a name.
00:43:53No, okay, Phoebe Ball.
00:43:57No, it doesn't have a name.
00:43:59Um, okay, Monica, what is your favorite thing about trees?
00:44:06They're green.
00:44:07They're green.
00:44:08Good, good, five points!
00:44:10All right!
00:44:14All right, Joey.
00:44:17Same question.
00:44:20Uh, oh, they're tall.
00:44:23Ooh, three points.
00:44:24Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy, leafy.
00:44:33That's not even a game.
00:44:35What?
00:44:35Shut up!
00:44:36We're winning!
00:44:39You want to finish this right now?
00:44:41All right, we get a deck of cards, high card wins.
00:44:43What do you say?
00:44:44Fine, let's do it!
00:44:45Oh, I have cards!
00:44:46Okay.
00:44:46Yeah, here.
00:44:48Oh, no, these are the trick deck.
00:44:50Okay.
00:44:51Here, yes.
00:44:53Okay.
00:44:53Okay, you guys, uh, you guys pick first.
00:44:55Okay.
00:44:55Okay.
00:45:00Four.
00:45:01That's a low one!
00:45:01Four.
00:45:02Okay.
00:45:06Phoebe, you look.
00:45:07I can't do it.
00:45:08What makes you think I can?
00:45:11Hey!
00:45:12Why are you screaming and hugging?
00:45:18Oh, because we want our apartment back.
00:45:20What?
00:45:21Ace is high.
00:45:22Jack, queen, king, ace.
00:45:24No, ace is low.
00:45:25Ace, two, three, four.
00:45:34I don't know.
00:45:37Ooh, ooh.
00:45:39Look at...
00:45:40Ah!
00:45:42All right, come on.
00:45:44Let's pick again, pick again.
00:45:45All right, give me, give me, give me.
00:45:46Okay.
00:45:48Okay.
00:45:49Come on, apartment!
00:45:50Come on, apartment!
00:45:54Ah!
00:45:55I know queen is high!
00:45:57Not as high as...
00:46:00It worked!
00:46:01King!
00:46:01Hey, guys, what should I wear to a Knicks game?
00:46:05Uh, a T-shirt that says,
00:46:06I don't belong here.
00:46:09You have Knicks tickets?
00:46:10Yeah, my mom got my dad's season tickets in the divorce,
00:46:14so she just gave them to me.
00:46:15Yeah.
00:46:15Apparently, they're pretty good seats.
00:46:17Yeah.
00:46:17Oh, my God!
00:46:19Those are almost right on the floor!
00:46:20What, do you guys want these?
00:46:23Yeah!
00:46:23Yeah, we do!
00:46:25Oh, well, you got them!
00:46:26All right!
00:46:27Just give us our apartment back!
00:46:33Oh, I didn't see that coming.
00:46:37Are you serious?
00:46:38Oh, come on.
00:46:39We know what these are worth.
00:46:42What, do you think we're stupid?
00:46:44Not stupid.
00:46:45You're meaner than I thought.
00:46:48What do you say?
00:46:49Forget it, okay?
00:46:50I'm not giving up my bachelor pad
00:46:52for some basketball seats.
00:46:54Your bachelor pad?
00:46:57Have you even had a girl up here?
00:47:01No.
00:47:04But, uh, Joey has,
00:47:05and I usually talk to them in the morning time.
00:47:10Yeah, you do.
00:47:11You can't find garbage bags.
00:47:27Oh.
00:47:28I think I saw some in here.
00:47:30What is it?
00:47:37I don't know.
00:47:38But maybe if we keep that drawer shut,
00:47:40it'll die.
00:47:40I can't believe we're living here.
00:47:50Ah!
00:47:51What, what, what, what is it?
00:47:52Did you see the size of the closet?
00:47:56I can't believe we live here.
00:48:05Oh.
00:48:07Oh!
00:48:08We lost visual contact with the suspect.
00:48:10Okay, now I really have to go.
00:48:13It's so unfair that our date has to get cut short
00:48:16just because some guy shot at a store clerk.
00:48:18I know, but it's my job, sweetheart.
00:48:22Okay, but maybe I could come, too.
00:48:24Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer.
00:48:26Yeah, all right, you go.
00:48:32Bye-bye.
00:48:33Okay.
00:48:33Bye.
00:48:38Oh, God.
00:48:40What?
00:48:41Oh, I just miss him so much.
00:48:42For just a week, you guys are really close, huh?
00:48:49Yeah, it's weird.
00:48:51I can't help it, though.
00:48:52He's so sweet.
00:48:53He's like this, this little puppy dog, you know?
00:48:56But like a really tough one who shoots bad guys.
00:49:00Oh, I just love the beginning parts of relationships, you know?
00:49:04You just, like, can't keep your hands off each other.
00:49:06I know, it is the best.
00:49:08Oh, God.
00:49:09So, so how long did that last for you and Chandler?
00:49:13What?
00:49:15It's still going on.
00:49:16Come on, seriously, when did it end?
00:49:19I am serious.
00:49:21I mean, we're, we're all over each other all the time.
00:49:23Okay, well, you know where you are better than I do.
00:49:26I was just curious.
00:49:27Why don't you just calm down, Phoebe, all right?
00:49:30Why don't you just get all your facts
00:49:32before you run around telling everybody
00:49:33that, you know, you're the only hot couple.
00:49:34God, I woke the beast.
00:49:38Uh, I was wrong, obviously.
00:49:41I just, I misspoke.
00:49:43It's okay.
00:49:43It is okay.
00:49:45I mean, as long as you know that Chandler and I
00:49:47are also very hot and fiery.
00:49:49I mean, just as hot as you.
00:49:50I mean, our flame, whoo, is on fire.
00:49:56Hey, Monica, here's your broom back.
00:49:59You are so cute.
00:50:04Okay, so what do you say?
00:50:08Maybe, uh, sometime I, I hold your gun.
00:50:10I don't know, man.
00:50:11We're really not supposed to do that.
00:50:13What could happen?
00:50:14I mean, would you...
00:50:15Yeah, I'm gonna say no.
00:50:20So, Phoebe, do you want to go see a movie
00:50:22after dinner tonight?
00:50:23Oh, we can't.
00:50:24We already have plans.
00:50:25Okay.
00:50:26What are you doing?
00:50:27Um, well, same thing we did all day.
00:50:29Just hang out at Gary's apartment.
00:50:32He is so amazing.
00:50:33We never left the bedroom.
00:50:37But have fun at the movie.
00:50:40Oh, well, we're not seeing a movie.
00:50:42If you're not, then why did you ask us
00:50:45if we wanted to go?
00:50:46Oh, um, that's because I just, you know,
00:50:49wanted to know what you guys were doing
00:50:50so, you know, you wouldn't walk in
00:50:52on me and Chandler while we were,
00:50:53you know, doing it all night.
00:50:57Will you excuse me for just a second?
00:50:59Yeah.
00:50:59Okay.
00:51:04Chandler, can I see you for a second?
00:51:05Uh, yeah.
00:51:06Okay.
00:51:09We have got to beat them.
00:51:11Why?
00:51:12Guys, Gary and Phoebe think
00:51:15they're a hotter couple than we are.
00:51:16Oh, so?
00:51:18So?
00:51:19So we've got to go upstairs
00:51:20and have a lot of sex
00:51:21and prove them wrong.
00:51:23Look, you've got to stop
00:51:25this competitive thing, okay?
00:51:26It's crazy.
00:51:27I mean, just to impress Gary and Phoebe,
00:51:28you want me to go upstairs
00:51:29and have sex with you
00:51:30over and over and over
00:51:31and I'm saying no to this?
00:51:32Why?
00:51:32Get your coat.
00:51:37That was amazing.
00:51:39Phoebe and Gary are so
00:51:41going to hear about this at dinner.
00:51:42That was amazing.
00:51:46We are the hottest, huh?
00:51:49No one is hotter than we are.
00:51:51We're the best.
00:51:53No, you're the best.
00:51:55No, you're the best.
00:51:57No, you're the best.
00:51:58I am the best.
00:52:02All right.
00:52:03What'd you do with him?
00:52:08You're awake.
00:52:09Look at you.
00:52:10How do you feel?
00:52:11Uh, a little woozy,
00:52:14but basically okay.
00:52:15Gosh, you look good.
00:52:17I feel good.
00:52:20Who are you?
00:52:20Oh, sorry.
00:52:22I'm Phoebe Buffay.
00:52:23I'm Monica Geller.
00:52:25I've been taking care of you.
00:52:26Well, we both have.
00:52:27So the Etch-a-Sketch
00:52:28is from you guys?
00:52:29Well, actually,
00:52:30it's just from me.
00:52:30Yeah, I got you
00:52:31the foot massager.
00:52:32You know who shaved you?
00:52:33That was me.
00:52:33I read to you.
00:52:34I sang.
00:52:35Ha!
00:52:35Well, thanks.
00:52:40Oh, my pleasure.
00:52:41You're welcome.
00:52:42So, I guess I'll
00:52:44see you around.
00:52:46What?
00:52:46That's it?
00:52:48See you around?
00:52:50Well, what do you
00:52:51want me to say?
00:52:52Oh, I don't know.
00:52:54Maybe, uh,
00:52:55that was nice.
00:52:57Admit something to me.
00:52:59I'll call you.
00:53:02All right.
00:53:02I'll call you.
00:53:04I don't think you mean that.
00:53:05This is so typical.
00:53:11You know,
00:53:11we give
00:53:12and we give
00:53:13and we give
00:53:15and then
00:53:16you just get nothing back.
00:53:18And then one day
00:53:19it's just, you know,
00:53:19you wake up
00:53:20and see you around.
00:53:24Let's go, Phoebe.
00:53:27You know what?
00:53:29We thought you were different,
00:53:31but I guess
00:53:32it was just the coma.
00:53:34Your boyfriend
00:53:34has been in there
00:53:35for over an hour.
00:53:36I can't believe it.
00:53:37It's like I'm living
00:53:38with him again.
00:53:39He's here when I go to sleep.
00:53:40He's here when I wake up.
00:53:41He's here when I want
00:53:41to use the shower.
00:53:42Oh, I feel like I'm
00:53:4316 all over again.
00:53:44Well, you're not 16.
00:53:46You're both adults now.
00:53:48Get out, you doofus!
00:53:52Or, you know,
00:53:53he's rubber and you're glue.
00:53:55All yours.
00:53:56I hope you cleaned your hair
00:54:02out of the drain.
00:54:04I hope you cleaned your hair
00:54:05out of the drain.
00:54:06Shut up!
00:54:08Shut up!
00:54:09Cut it out!
00:54:10Me, me, me!
00:54:11I've never wanted you more.
00:54:22I want to watch
00:54:23entertainment tonight.
00:54:24Tough noogies
00:54:25were watching
00:54:26Predators of the Serengeti.
00:54:28Would you, Grace, stop?
00:54:30It's my TV.
00:54:31What?
00:54:32Quit it!
00:54:33Bite me!
00:54:34Oh, my God.
00:54:35Well, Monica
00:54:35keeps changing the channel.
00:54:37Oh, that's great.
00:54:38Why don't you tell
00:54:38Mommy on me?
00:54:41Now I'm Mommy
00:54:42in this little play?
00:54:44All right, look.
00:54:44I refuse
00:54:45to get sucked
00:54:46into this, like,
00:54:47weird little
00:54:48Geller Dimension thing, okay?
00:54:50So I'm gonna go
00:54:50and take a nice
00:54:51long, hot bubble bath
00:54:53because you kids
00:54:53are driving me crazy!
00:55:00Oh!
00:55:01I'm sorry.
00:55:01I think...
00:55:02I think
00:55:03that may have
00:55:03missed the table.
00:55:04Do you?
00:55:06Uh, yeah.
00:55:06Do you?
00:55:07Uh, yeah.
00:55:08Do you?
00:55:08Uh, yeah.
00:55:10You really find
00:55:11this attractive on him?
00:55:13Oh, yeah.
00:55:14Are you telling me
00:55:15you're not even
00:55:15a little turned on
00:55:16by Monica right now?
00:55:24I think this is
00:55:25the first time
00:55:26in our marriage
00:55:26that I've felt
00:55:27like the more
00:55:27attractive one.
00:55:29All right, come on, Mike.
00:55:30You can beat her.
00:55:31Knock that dog
00:55:32off her head.
00:55:33Uh, damn it!
00:55:38I sleep with him!
00:55:42Game point.
00:55:44Don't get too cocky.
00:55:45Remember,
00:55:45I won the last one.
00:55:47Oh, by the way,
00:55:47how did that feel,
00:55:48losing to a girl?
00:55:50You know,
00:55:50you should really
00:55:50look in the mirror
00:55:51before you call yourself that.
00:55:52No, no, no!
00:55:58And that's how it's done.
00:56:01Okie dokie.
00:56:02You've each won a game
00:56:03and I've lost
00:56:04what's felt like
00:56:05a year of my life.
00:56:07So everybody
00:56:07goes home a winner.
00:56:09Best out of three?
00:56:10That's what I'm thinking.
00:56:11Should I use
00:56:11my invisibility
00:56:12to fight crime
00:56:13or for evil?
00:56:17Serve them all, chump.
00:56:18You love them, chump.
00:56:20Ok,
00:56:20better comebacks, Mike.
00:56:21Better comebacks.
00:56:23And everybody else
00:56:23finally can start
00:56:24celebrating my...
00:56:26I'm sorry.
00:56:31Apparently,
00:56:31I've opened
00:56:32the door to the past.
00:56:38Ok,
00:56:39uh, Monica,
00:56:40come on.
00:56:40Ok,
00:56:40what you just saw...
00:56:42Can I ask you
00:56:42just a little question?
00:56:44Why tonight?
00:56:46What?
00:56:47See,
00:56:47I've been waiting
00:56:48my whole life
00:56:48to be engaged
00:56:49and unlike some people,
00:56:51I only plan
00:56:51on doing this once.
00:56:54So,
00:56:55you know,
00:56:55maybe this is selfish
00:56:56and I'm sorry about it
00:56:57but I was kind of hoping
00:56:58tonight could just be
00:56:59about that.
00:57:00Oh, honey,
00:57:00but it is.
00:57:01No, it's not.
00:57:02No, no,
00:57:02now it's about you
00:57:03and Ross getting back together.
00:57:04What?
00:57:05See, yeah,
00:57:05you kind of stole my thunder.
00:57:08Ok,
00:57:09ho, ho,
00:57:09we did not steal your thunder
00:57:10because we are not
00:57:11getting back together.
00:57:12Yeah, no.
00:57:13And, and, and,
00:57:13you know what?
00:57:14Nobody even saw.
00:57:15Yeah.
00:57:17That's true.
00:57:19I swear,
00:57:20we just kissed.
00:57:21It was just a kiss.
00:57:22You guys kissed?
00:57:25What does this mean?
00:57:27Are you,
00:57:27are you getting back together?
00:57:29Can I sing at your wedding?
00:57:31Thunder being stolen.
00:57:33Ok, come on,
00:57:33Phoebe,
00:57:34it's nothing.
00:57:34Monica, come on.
00:57:35Let's not make
00:57:36a big deal out of this.
00:57:37It was a one-time thing.
00:57:39It doesn't even matter.
00:57:41Oh my God.
00:57:43I cannot believe
00:57:45you guys are talking
00:57:46about this.
00:57:47The problems in the bedroom
00:57:48are between a man
00:57:49and a woman.
00:57:49All right,
00:57:52now Chandler
00:57:53is doing
00:57:53the best he can.
00:57:56How come you guys
00:57:58have never played
00:57:58poker with us?
00:58:00Yeah,
00:58:00what is that?
00:58:01Like some kind of
00:58:01guy thing?
00:58:02Like some kind of
00:58:02sexist guy thing?
00:58:04Like it's poker,
00:58:05so only guys can play.
00:58:07No,
00:58:07women are welcome
00:58:08to play.
00:58:08Oh, ok,
00:58:09so then what is it?
00:58:10Some kind of,
00:58:10you know,
00:58:11like,
00:58:11like some kind of,
00:58:12you know,
00:58:12like,
00:58:13what is it?
00:58:17There just don't
00:58:17happen to be
00:58:18any women
00:58:18in our game.
00:58:19Yeah,
00:58:19we just don't
00:58:20happen to know
00:58:21any women
00:58:21that know
00:58:22how to play poker.
00:58:23Oh, please,
00:58:23that is such
00:58:24a lame excuse.
00:58:25I mean,
00:58:25it's a typical
00:58:26guy response.
00:58:27Excuse me,
00:58:27do any of you
00:58:28know how to play?
00:58:29No.
00:58:32But you could
00:58:33teach us?
00:58:34No.
00:58:34No.
00:58:35Okay,
00:58:41so now
00:58:41we draw
00:58:43cards.
00:58:47So,
00:58:48I wouldn't need
00:58:49any, right?
00:58:49Because I have
00:58:50a straight.
00:58:50Oh,
00:58:50good for you!
00:58:51Congratulations!
00:58:55Okay,
00:58:56Phoebs,
00:58:56how many do you
00:58:57want?
00:58:58Okay,
00:58:58I just need
00:58:59two.
00:59:00The, um,
00:59:00ten of spades
00:59:01and the six of clubs.
00:59:04No,
00:59:05uh,
00:59:05Phoebs,
00:59:05you can't do,
00:59:06you can't.
00:59:06Oh, wait,
00:59:07I have the ten of spades.
00:59:08Here you want?
00:59:08No, no.
00:59:11Uh,
00:59:11no,
00:59:12see,
00:59:12uh,
00:59:12you,
00:59:12you can't do that.
00:59:13Oh, no, no, no,
00:59:14that's okay,
00:59:14that's okay,
00:59:15I don't need them,
00:59:15I'm going for fours.
00:59:16Oh, you're...
00:59:23All right,
00:59:23here we go.
00:59:24We've got salmon
00:59:25roulettes
00:59:25and assorted
00:59:26coup d'etés.
00:59:27Whoa, whoa, whoa,
00:59:28Monica,
00:59:28what are you doing?
00:59:30This is a poker game.
00:59:31You can't serve food
00:59:32with more than one syllable.
00:59:34It's got to be like
00:59:34chips or dip
00:59:35or pretz.
00:59:40Okay,
00:59:40so at this point,
00:59:41the dealer...
00:59:41All right,
00:59:41you know,
00:59:41we got it,
00:59:42we got it.
00:59:42Let's play for real,
00:59:43all right?
00:59:43High stakes,
00:59:44big bucks.
00:59:45All right,
00:59:45now,
00:59:46you sure?
00:59:46Phoebe just threw away
00:59:47two jacks
00:59:47because they didn't
00:59:48look happy.
00:59:49Airport.
00:59:50Airport 75.
00:59:52Airport 77.
00:59:53Airport 79.
00:59:55Time's up.
00:59:57Buy,
00:59:58buy,
00:59:59birdie.
01:00:01That's a bird.
01:00:04That's a bird.
01:00:07Okay, okay,
01:00:08it's my turn.
01:00:11Go.
01:00:11Uh,
01:00:15bean.
01:00:15Bean.
01:00:18The unbearable
01:00:19likeness of being.
01:00:20Yes!
01:00:24That you get.
01:00:26That you get.
01:00:29So what do you think?
01:00:31I think it's the most
01:00:31beautiful table
01:00:32I've ever seen.
01:00:33I know.
01:00:35So how does this work?
01:00:36You gonna balance
01:00:36the plates
01:00:37on these little guys' heads?
01:00:38Who cares?
01:00:39We'll eat at the sink.
01:00:40Come on, buddy.
01:00:43Heads up, Ross.
01:00:45Scar!
01:00:46You suck.
01:00:49Monica,
01:00:50my star student.
01:00:51You know,
01:00:52you called me that before,
01:00:53so I took the liberty
01:00:54of fashioning a star
01:00:56out of aluminum foil.
01:00:57Now,
01:00:57no pressure.
01:00:59You like my cookies,
01:00:59you give me the star.
01:01:04Oh.
01:01:05Mm-mm-mm.
01:01:06Wow,
01:01:07a star.
01:01:07I know you all hate me,
01:01:11and I'm sorry,
01:01:11but I don't care.
01:01:14Okay, Joey,
01:01:15you're up next.
01:01:15Yeah.
01:01:19Oh, my God!
01:01:21This is amazing!
01:01:23You get an A.
01:01:24I get an A?
01:01:26An A in school?
01:01:28Hey, I'm a dork.
01:01:31Joey,
01:01:31I'm so proud of you.
01:01:33I think you should
01:01:34give him your star.
01:01:35Excuse me?
01:01:38He doesn't even know
01:01:38what he's doing.
01:01:39We're all beginners here.
01:01:41Nobody knows
01:01:41what they're doing.
01:01:42I do.
01:01:43I'm a professional chef.
01:01:45Oh, relax.
01:01:46It's not a courtroom drama.
01:01:48If you're a professional chef,
01:01:50what are you doing
01:01:50taking introduction to cooking?
01:01:52Yeah.
01:01:55I'm sorry.
01:01:56It's just that, um...
01:01:57Well, I cook at this restaurant,
01:01:58Alessandro's,
01:01:59and, um,
01:02:00I just got a really bad review.
01:02:01Oh, Alessandro's.
01:02:02I love that place.
01:02:04You do?
01:02:04Oh, yes.
01:02:05You're an excellent chef.
01:02:06As a person,
01:02:07you're a little...
01:02:08Oh, I'm totally crazy,
01:02:08but you like the food?
01:02:11Very much.
01:02:12Okay, then.
01:02:13I don't stink.
01:02:14I'm a good chef.
01:02:15Okay.
01:02:16Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:02:17I don't want to go.
01:02:18I'm having fun.
01:02:19Well, actually,
01:02:20did either of you
01:02:21pay for this glass?
01:02:21Hey, hey, hey.
01:02:22If my friend says
01:02:23it's time to go,
01:02:23it's time to go.
01:02:29All right, Monica,
01:02:29if there is something
01:02:30that you would like to share...
01:02:31No, no, you had no right
01:02:32to go out with him.
01:02:33That is the most ridiculous thing.
01:02:35You sold me out.
01:02:36I did not sell you out.
01:02:37Yes, you did.
01:02:38You absolutely sold me.
01:02:39Would you let me talk?
01:02:43Did you just flick me?
01:02:47Okay, well,
01:02:47you wouldn't let me finish,
01:02:48and I was just...
01:02:49Ow, that hurt.
01:02:52Ow.
01:02:53Quit flicking.
01:02:55Ow, you flicking.
01:02:56You flicked me first.
01:02:58Ow, get it.
01:02:59Ow.
01:03:01Oh, okay.
01:03:03Let's not do this.
01:03:05Let's not do this.
01:03:06Oh, pause.
01:03:07Happy thoughts.
01:03:08Happy thoughts.
01:03:10Happy thoughts.
01:03:11Come on.
01:03:12Ow.
01:03:13Ow.
01:03:13Ow.
01:03:14Ow.
01:03:15Ow.
01:03:16Ow.
01:03:17Ow.
01:03:18Ow.
01:03:19Ow.
01:03:20Okay, now I'm going to
01:03:21kick some ass.
01:03:22Ow.
01:03:23Ow.
01:03:23Ow.
01:03:24Ow.
01:03:24Ow.
01:03:25Ow.
01:03:25Ow.
01:03:26Ow.
01:03:26Ow.
01:03:27Ow.
01:03:27Ow.
01:03:28Ow.
01:03:28Ow.
01:03:29Ow.
01:03:29Ow.
01:03:30Ow.
01:03:30Ow.
01:03:31All right.
01:03:31Now I will let go
01:03:33if you both stop.
01:03:34What are you?
01:03:36You want me to stop seeing him?
01:03:37Is that what you want?
01:03:38Uh-huh.
01:03:38You want me to just call him up
01:03:40and tell him that you're seeing him instead?
01:03:42Is that what you want?
01:03:44Okay.
01:03:47Oh, that's what you want?
01:03:49Yes.
01:03:51Fine.
01:03:52Fine.
01:03:53Fine.
01:03:54There we go.
01:03:55Oh.
01:03:56Oh.
01:03:57You know what?
01:03:58If we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches.
01:04:04Give me back my sweater or a tan bag marinara.
01:04:10You don't have the guts.
01:04:12Oh, yeah?
01:04:13Well, at least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy I thought he was cute.
01:04:16Oh.
01:04:17Oh.
01:04:18Oh.
01:04:19Oh.
01:04:20Oh.
01:04:21Oh.
01:04:22Oh.
01:04:23Oh.
01:04:24Oh.
01:04:25Oh.
01:04:26All right.
01:04:27Stop.
01:04:28Stop the madness.
01:04:33This is crazy.
01:04:34Who can even remember why you started fighting in the first place?
01:04:38She knew that I might join my baby.
01:04:39She went up and thought I was eating my baby first.
01:04:41Oh.
01:04:42Oh.
01:04:43Yes, that's right.
01:04:46But still, I...
01:04:48Look at your purse.
01:04:51Look at your sweater.
01:04:54Look at yourselves.
01:04:55I'll help you fix your sweater.
01:04:56I'll help you throw out your purse.
01:04:57I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing him.
01:05:10Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.
01:05:14I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves.
01:05:17I'm sorry, Phoebs.
01:05:18I guess I'm just really sad that I'm leaving.
01:05:19I'm gonna miss you so much.
01:05:20Well, this doesn't have to be so sad, though, you know?
01:05:21Maybe instead of just thinking about how much you're gonna miss each other, you should,
01:05:22like, think about some of the things that you're not gonna miss.
01:05:35I don't think there's anything.
01:05:38Come on.
01:05:39There's gotta be something.
01:05:41Help.
01:05:42Help.
01:05:43She's perfect.
01:05:44Oh.
01:05:48I have one.
01:05:51Right, okay.
01:05:52You can go first.
01:05:53Uh, well, I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact that you're never allowed to move the phone pen.
01:06:03That's a good one.
01:06:04Okay, Monica, anything?
01:06:06You know, does Rachel move the phone pen?
01:06:10Aw, sometimes.
01:06:11Always, actually.
01:06:15Okay, good.
01:06:16There you go.
01:06:17Doesn't everyone feel better?
01:06:19It's not just the phone pen.
01:06:23I never get my messages.
01:06:25You get your messages?
01:06:27Yeah, well, I don't think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand
01:06:30after you fall asleep on the couch.
01:06:32So, so you missed a message from who?
01:06:35Chandler?
01:06:36Or your mom?
01:06:38Or Chandler?
01:06:40Or your mom?
01:06:45Great, it worked.
01:06:46No one's sad.
01:06:48No.
01:06:49Yes!
01:06:50Oh.
01:06:51Oh, would you look at that, Monica?
01:06:53I just knocked off all your top scores.
01:06:54How sad.
01:06:55Hmm.
01:06:56Okay, I'm next.
01:06:58No.
01:06:59Don't start another game.
01:07:00I said I was next.
01:07:01Phoebe?
01:07:02Oh, I'm sorry.
01:07:03I couldn't hear you over all the winning.
01:07:06Chandler, Phoebe's hogging the game.
01:07:08Who cares?
01:07:09It's a stupid game.
01:07:10I don't only think it's stupid because you suck at it.
01:07:13I don't suck.
01:07:14It sucks.
01:07:16You suck.
01:07:20Wait, okay.
01:07:21If this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it.
01:07:24No, no, no.
01:07:25No, I love it.
01:07:26It is a great present.
01:07:27But, you know, in fact, why don't you go home and wait for the thank you card?
01:07:31Why do you wanna play this game so badly?
01:07:33Yeah, it's not like it spits out a Clark bar after every game.
01:07:37Okay, Phoebe, that's it.
01:07:38Come on.
01:07:39Get out of the chair.
01:07:40Come on.
01:07:41Come on.
01:07:42Out of the chair.
01:07:43Oh, come on.