Benidorm by According to Jim - Dailymotion

According to Jim

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Transcript

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00:28What do you think you're doing what's it look like I'm doing do you not read your text messages

00:44I'm on me holidays yes well if we don't get to the airport you'll be on your oldies for

00:48the foreseeable future there's a baggage handler strike at Alicante never have flights not

00:52till five o'clock what did I just say I've got at least three hours of me already left

00:57so piss off fine I'll see you back at home at some point oh brilliant

01:02that's Jamie chuffing already ruined I'm sorry hey you know there's a baggage handler

01:11strike we don't go home today I don't think any of us will what's going on baggage handler

01:16strike at the airport no in reception close to home you know there's a baggage handler

01:23strike on don't you yeah but it's only in the reception what's he been drinking he

01:28doesn't drink you don't bloody need to maybe the baggage strike is at the airport you know

01:34what Joey you might have a point we should go and check with Sam no no she um it's her

01:41day off oh that's right she's on her date with Angelo the DJ it's not a day it's just

01:46her ex you're gonna have to decide what you want to do about that you said to play it

01:49cool you have done that and where is she now in her room bouncing off the walls with Angelo

01:55Joey it was a joke

02:01you're the rep what's going on with this baggage handler strike sorry I can't help you it's my

02:14day off today look at that we've been here ages that's not my fault I'm not working today

02:19right if you want some help in getting home get yourselves over to the Benny go travel

02:36desk and someone will be with you as soon as possible here we go bloody manana yeah

02:41and obviously the people at the front of the queue will be dealt with first

02:45Oh Matteo I'm supposed to meet a mate but I can't stay here with idiots you don't understand

02:53the concept of a day off maybe because only an idiot will come to work on their day off

02:57for God's sake I just need you to tell him where I am five euros why are you being such a dick

03:04right I'll leave him a note pass me a pen and some paper pen and paper one euro you're really

03:10starting to get on my nerves gotta say living in Spain's really chilled you out babe why

03:14didn't you reply to my messages you've lost your phone aren't you you know me better than anyone

03:19else come on let's get out of here Oh Sam you are going so soon after you are telling all these

03:31people to wait for Jules okay manana la puerta tomorrow the door no no not manana where you

03:47going leave it Jacqueline leave it I'll have a quiet word with Jesus Jesus Jesus bless you I

03:54thought about going to see Kenneth about midday oh do you think he'll be up by then oh we went

04:00through such a traumatic event last night fancy being buried alive but he weren't exactly buried

04:07alive he just couldn't get out he did though he tunneled out like oh what were they called oh

04:15yeah looks like it we were just doing the theme from I know what you were doing

04:45having a laugh at my expense no well what was I supposed to do with it I shaved all the air

04:54off me tits on cheap vodka and permanent solution I have to do something with it I'll put the cap on

04:59not for me thank you Jacqueline I'm having head of the dog and if it's advisable after all you've

05:03been through don't you worry Liam having to tunnel my way out of blowing go after being left to die

05:08and tuned in me own place of work will be nothing compared to what's gonna happen to that Joyce

05:13temple savage I'm sorry we haven't got any vacancies for you at the moment Elvis but if

05:18you'd give me your full name then I'll put you in our system well the thing is miss temple service

05:24I just generally go by the name of bills I didn't understand a word of that the thing is miss temple

05:31savage I just generally go by the name of Elvis that's better Jacob that that would be 8th of 8th

05:40of January ma'am it's more the year we want we're not sending our birthday cards uh-huh 1977 ma'am

05:49and place of birth Skagness ma'am Skagness yes ma'am you were born in Skagness that is correct

05:58ma'am but you obviously didn't stay there oh no no no no sorry Bob no we know how no no my folks

06:06and I moved many many miles away when I was a little itty bitty baby and where did you move to

06:13Leeds sorry it's in West Yorkshire West Yorkshire ma'am well look we have your details on file

06:23I'm sorry crystal let you go but she clearly doesn't need a chauffeur when she spends half

06:29her life on round-the-world cruises well sure ma'am I do believe that is a stone cold fact

06:34and in addition to that of course there is the um the takeover bid

06:42takeover yes ma'am miss Hennessy Vass is in the uh process of process of uh selling the

06:50Solana group to uh Bellroy hotels but being the manager of the Solana Benidorm I guess you knew

06:58that yes of course I did yep miss Hennessy Vass sure is trimming the fat right uh well

07:08as I say um we have your details on our file um in the meantime best of luck I understand

07:19Mr Temple Savage yes Elvis thank you very much

07:37Joyce could I have a word it's that noise out there

07:40I've no idea they're all screaming for the rep can we nip out the back and get a coffee somewhere

07:46I've got something to tell you so do I

08:00Luton well you said I needed to get a job and you're right but in Luton in your own words

08:07nobody likes a freeloader so I'm paying my way Monty don't drive a wedge between us

08:13to try and win an argument I'm not trying to drive a wedge between us a lot of people work

08:18away during the week I'll be back at weekends what job have you been offered in Luton British

08:24consulate airport liaison officer it's mainly form-filling but working with the public as well

08:30which is always interesting you hate the public just form-filling and what which is consulate

08:37so this job has come from Sir Henry you hate Sir Henry it's come via Sir Henry I won't be

08:43working with him I know you'll be working in bloody Luton look Joyce I've made my decision

08:49if it doesn't work out all I have to do is leave I need to feel I'm contributing in some way to

08:55our relationship to our marriage afford me this one shred of dignity says a man going to work in

09:03Luton so how long are you here for I'll be heading back on a five o'clock ferry but tonight

09:10you've come all the way to Benidorm and you're only staying for five hours I live in Ibiza Sam

09:14egg and chips and sweet caroline aren't exactly my comfort zone so why are you here then to see you

09:22I've needed to see you for a long time should we get a coffee as long as nobody's eating

09:28egg and chips I wouldn't want you to be out of your comfort zone

09:39did you ring Derek Dingle or wherever his name was

09:43the fella at the rugby club I don't know any Derek Dingle at rugby club I can't remember

09:50his name you made the booking with him what booking Billy Insurance 25th wedding anniversary

09:57I don't know what you're talking about oh for god's sake Eddie

10:02I had you going there didn't I you what Billy asked me what I were doing tonight

10:07I said oh I'm probably staining me a good book and this holiday's knackered me out

10:13he's got absolutely no idea that we're planning a surprise party for him and the Oscar for lying

10:19through his teeth goes to Eddie Dawson you were only a white lie and yes everything's sorted

10:26how many people did you invite didn't invite anybody thought you were doing that

10:36she is not here I am not like the magician with the beef buff poof we'll get her on the phone

10:41we need to know what's happening with this baggage strike we give you the sun we give you the hotel

10:46we give you the swimming pool we give you the all-inclusive piggy food and the alcohol we use

10:50to clean the furniture when you are not looking everything else you need to see the rep it's the

10:54rep day off is not my fault Matteo where's Temple Savage how many times do I have to say this

11:01I do not know all right keep your knickers on what time will she be back are you taking the

11:06Mickey Mouse if I say I do not know something I do not know I do not get paid enough to listen

11:14to this drizzle and I am sick to the front of my teeth about always being the Siggy in the middle

11:20Siggy in the middle what the frig does that mean oh no idea oh and if you're going home today I

11:25get to the airport as quick as you can because it's first come first served when these strikes

11:28are on I still unbego love thank you very much I've just been told we need to get to the airport

11:33ASAP the travel company said the same thing right come on dad where are your cases where do you

11:38think they are this isn't a time for i bloody spy they're up in my room right come on let's go

11:43right come on let's go come on mom

11:51what planet are you from girl and all the others like you there

11:57thought you went back inside I did I saw Sam with Angelo so I found a quiet corner

12:03to think about my life a quiet corner with an exclusive view the bins

12:06I'm sorry you're sorry for what for being moody on this holiday your first ever holiday I've had

12:18a fantastic time really yeah it's the best holiday I've ever had so what are you gonna do about Sam

12:26gonna go up to her room pull Angelo off her punch him in the face and then carry her off into the

12:31sunset I can give you a hand with that as well you know the carrying part joke it's a joke it

12:38just doesn't make sense why you'd be so obsessed with how much Sam does or doesn't weigh I'm sorry

12:45whatever

12:51you know I keep making those fat jokes no I don't actually and she's not even fat no

12:55no but I was a massive up until I was about 16 in fact I was 16 years old and 18 stone

13:06what are you serious yeah at school everybody called me pig pen because I was the size of a pig

13:12and I couldn't hold a pen properly so if you're bullied for being big when you're a kid why would

13:17you say mean things to someone else about their weight I don't know payback I suppose what goes

13:24around comes around payback for people you don't know I didn't say it made sense I'm sorry

13:33so what are you gonna do about Sam I've thought about it a lot and I do have feelings for her

13:41obviously it would never work there's 20 years and 2,000 miles between us plus her ex is back

13:49on the scene so I'm ready to draw a line on drill fair enough so tonight is the last night of your

13:59first ever holiday what do you fancy doing shots and girls you can have the shots I'll look after

14:05the girls he's back in the game boom hold on I'm gonna start the pack already yes man tonight is

14:15gonna be one very long night bring it on

14:28you must have had a rough night if you're still on the black coffees don't drink anymore

14:33are you serious alcohol drugs meat I poisoned my body for too long Sam bloody hell well I suppose

14:40the party's got to end at some point no but that's just it babe I feel like my life's just

14:45beginning oh good for you I'll drink to that you're probably wondering why I came all the way

14:51out here to tell you that midlife crisis isn't it it was either this or you rocking up in a

14:55red sports car with a ponytail no but I mean specifically to talk to you come on then Sam

15:03I'm um I'm gonna become a monk

15:11I'm sorry sorry

15:16okay I believe the no drinking the no more drugs even the no more me

15:22are you a monk this time next week I'll be in Thailand in a Buddhist monastery where the monks

15:28live with tigers roaming around the grounds have you dropped a knee before I give my life over to

15:33a higher power I'm visiting all the people that you know I've got issues with and putting them

15:39to rest before I go what issues I know how in love with me you were Sam we had a laugh and I

15:46know how you've never got over it excuse me um I can't imagine what it's been like for you

15:51suffering a superficial loveless existence in Benidorm the only glimmer of hope thinking we

15:56might get back together again I'm sorry Sam but you and me it's never gonna happen again

16:03right first of all who are you to come here uninvited the biggest caner and pillard in Ibiza

16:11and talk to me about a superficial loveless existence Sam you're a single 40 year old

16:15holiday rep in Benidorm don't get much worse than that okay first I'm 41 and very proud of it

16:22second I love Benidorm and I love my job of helping people have an amazing holiday and third

16:29who said I'm single you're not no I'm very much not single in fact I'm seeing a beautiful

16:35chill guy who's 20 years younger who I'm having the best sex I've ever had in my life with

16:40well sex isn't something to base a relationship on Sam oh yeah you're giving up that as well

16:45aren't you well don't worry it's no lost pencil dick you were crap at it Sam I'm picking up a lot

16:51of negativity bloody hell giving up meat has really heightened your sense of awareness ain't

16:56it well while I've got your attention my relationship with Joey goes a lot deeper than sex

17:01in fact seeing you here today has made me realize what an amazing guy he is and I'm gonna go and

17:05tell him I want to take our relationship to the next level well I hope he agrees bless you my

17:10child and I hope you get to Thailand shave your hair get into your lovely orange robes and a great

17:17big tiger bites your fucking head off

17:21no there's no need for that

17:32let me play among the stars let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars

17:45in other words hold my hand if the flight's not cancelled and we've got seats on it then

17:53what's the problem can you tell me where the nearest toilet is please that one's shut your

17:56flight is indeed scheduled madam but the flights after it and flight before it has been cancelled

18:01where's the nearest toilet it's there but that's what I'm saying it's not our flight that's been

18:06cancelled so why have we been told we might not get on it aren't you already that one's shut just

18:11because you're booked onto a flight madam it doesn't mean you're guaranteed a place on it

18:15please I need the toilet what what did you just say I said I need the toilet not you if that

18:20sentence is too difficult for you to understand I'm very happy to write it down for you I beg your

18:25pardon will somebody tell me where the other toilet is please we're trying to contain a

18:29massive backlog oh not as much as I am where's the bog are you raising your voice to me say

18:35oh for Christ's sake

18:40hello sweetheart my disabled wife and I are on the same flight as this lady here

18:47oh Maxine it's my granddaughter's name oh really bless her it's her 25th wedding and

18:56I mean it's her birthday it's her 25th birthday party tonight and we're going to miss it if we

19:02don't get that this flight oh she's got your pretty green eyes as well really well we have

19:12to verify stories such as yours how do you do that when she's not here very simple is Maxine

19:19your granddaughter on Facebook yeah but her real name's Jodie I just call her Maxine I see

19:27surname Dawson Jodie Dawson oh same surname as this lady here what a coincidence

19:36she looks very young for 25 in fact she looks about 10.

19:42oh what a shame computer's gone down but good luck getting onto the flight mr and mrs Dawson

19:49I think you'll need it you can shove your flight up your big flabby arse you old menopausal sour

19:55face bitch brilliant well done both of you now we'll never get home oh now that is better

20:04feel a storm lighter are we all checked in

20:10I don't care what you say Kenneth after what you've been through you need to be home with

20:13your feet up oh no I'm having it out with that woman today if it's the last thing I do oh what

20:19have I done now nothing I'm talking about temple savage oh I'm gonna sue that old wit from arsehole

20:24to breakfast time don't know good solicitor do you no here you are Kenneth oh no thanks Jacqueline

20:32my body needs cauterising with alcohol I had that much strawberry hair wax last night every time I

20:37bathed me gob smells like a gay soap dispenser we better make use of some time off because next

20:41week I've got to go back to the UK oh sorry Jacqueline meant to ask can I take some holidays

20:45no it's Benidorm gay pride next week I'm gonna be in the bathroom up to my eyeballs in pubic hair

20:49make sure you pop into work from time to time what you going back to the UK for anyway

20:54and just come back my dad's gone home to sort out his tax stuff I'm giving him a hand

20:59you're helping him with his tax you have to take your mittens off to count up to 10

21:03it's something called moral support hey come back here

21:09Liam Liam oh for god's sake do you know when you just want to pull someone's

21:15trousers down and give the legs a good slap no what have you done to your hair hey

21:23oh something you wouldn't understand Matteo it's called fashion

21:27and your head it looks like a gay potato well I say just your head

21:34just keep walking oh there she is the Costa Blanca killer

21:39Kenneth I've been meaning to call you call me call my solicitor love there's no need to be

21:45like that Kenneth the builders got the plans the wrong way around and as you can see it's this

21:51archway that's supposed what's he doing you're not supposed to leave the fish in there they'll

21:57starve to death first she tries to kill Benidorm's premier hair stylist now she's got in for a tank

22:02full of tropical fish dear god woman you're like Benidorm's answer to Pol Pot did you hear me stop

22:09this at once we have stopped now siesta no no no siesta where are you going oh what on earth have

22:16you done to your hair you look ridiculous oh never you mind about all that because I'm going to take

22:20you to ridiculous how dare you this is Jose Luisa's finest work he came into the indoor

22:28market at nine o'clock this morning to do this what did you do at five past nine right that is

22:34it attempted murder and slander you're going away for a long time now get in that office savage

22:40you'll be heading for my solicitor within the hour and get it up on that salon

22:45Diego Diego Diego what is wrong with that boy is he deaf no he is not a deaf why does he never

22:55answer me probably because his name is Ricky Ricky what a ridiculous name for a member of staff Ricky

23:02Ricky you are behind reception Mateo Pobar yes Mr. Pulsaris

23:19what are you doing just waiting for my dad to come out in the toilet why

23:23well it's more productive than just sitting there in a heat waiting for our flight to be cancelled

23:27is it

23:30excuse me Mateo I'm sorry but I just have to shake you by the hand really most people want

23:35to shake it by the neck why in five years I've never seen anyone leave Maxine speechless

23:39oh she was only just warming up I swear to god anyone who throws enough shade to crack Maxine's

23:44resting bitch face is a legend in my eyes well if she's a legend can't you get her on that plane

23:49and us of course that's why I came over so these are the last four guaranteed places on the flight

23:54unless they cancel that one as well but fingers crossed and here's four passes for the airport

23:58lounge seriously I think I'm in love with you well maybe we can meet up sometime do you ever

24:03get to Leeds mother he doesn't mean it like that believe me if I wasn't happily married

24:08I'd consider it we'll tell your missus she's a very lucky lady don't you worry he knows he is

24:15how can one man stay in a toilet for so long what's he doing in there right come on where

24:19you going VIP lounge what about me dad well go and get him we'll see you there I can't just go

24:25in there drag him off the oh for crying out loud this is the life isn't it oh yes I think I could

24:38get used to this and if they cancel flights will you sit something in here and rugby club can

24:44whistle for the deposit what deposit for tonight bollocks you useless lump of lard what's going on

24:56dad what are you talking about you know when you asked if we were organizing a 25th wedding

25:01anniversary party for you and we said no yeah well we lied we've organized one at rugby club

25:09except daddy forgot to invite anyone so I've spent all morning texting people to come

25:14oh my god I'm sorry Sharon love we should have told you it's not that we've organized

25:20one as well and when were you going to tell us that on the plane as a surprise

25:27oh my god oh my god look who it is

25:31who is it I don't believe it I don't believe it Sharon look is that who I think it is

25:39what's he doing in a mccantee what's he doing anywhere will somebody tell me who the frig it is

25:44it's ollie johnson from Frankie goes to Hollywood is it bollocks he's from Bickford from top of my street

25:51what do you mean the flight is cancelled it's the word we give to a flight that's been withdrawn

25:55from service I know what cancelled means then it would appear any further explanation is

26:01somewhat redundant yeah which is what I'm going to be before I've even started me job

26:07god's sake

26:22I can't believe it's Ollie Johnson I can't believe it's Ron Pickford I thought Ron Pickford was dead

26:28he died last year and they sold his house on all of Eddie's stuff that he had in his garage

26:34well for someone who died last year he's looking surprisingly well what do you think he's doing

26:37here maybe he's haunting Eddie to make the rest of his life a misery I know I would if I was dead

26:44not him I'm talking about Ollie Johnson that can't be Ron Pickford he definitely died it must be

26:48another Ron it's my son Billy his wife Sharon and her mother Loretta hello how do you do pleased to

26:57meet you you don't mind if Ron sits with us do you no no love well if you paid to get in you can

27:02sit where you like well that's just it I haven't paid I followed Ollie Johnson to get a selfie

27:09do you remember that relax remember it best song in the world ever we're a bit confused

27:16we thought Ron Pickford was the name of your friend who passed away last year well that's

27:20open to interpretation what whether he's your friend no whether Ron Pickford died last year

27:25you told us they buried him well they certainly buried someone it was actually a load of shite

27:30out of my garage that was in that coffin stuff I don't even remember buying what sort of shite

27:35you know rubbish that we collect over the years heavy books radios an old guitar you buried my

27:43strata what you're talking about you buried my 800 pound strata caster and me collection of radios

27:49hey look something's going on here bugger that what about my stuff in his garage

27:58excuse me there appears to have been a mistake my colleagues just told me that he gave you the

28:02last boarding cards for the 1700 Leeds Bradford flight no he didn't give them to her he gave them

28:08to me and if you're thinking of taking them back I'd like to see you try look I can just issue new

28:16boarding cards to our VIPs and have you refused onto the flight actually I'm doing you a favour

28:22by telling you tell Holly he can have my ticket if he likes absolute legend if you're gonna start

28:28giving our tickets away to people just cause they're famous I'll have you know that I am very

28:33well known in the Leeds Bradford area used to do a bit of singing in the clubs you know

28:38he'd give you a song but they buried his guitar he didn't even go to the funeral it's her 25th

28:43wedding anniversary today you've got a party booked two parties well maybe you should have

28:49thought about that before you started gobbling off I swear to god I'm going to punch you so

28:54hard you're going to have to shove a toothbrush up your ass to clean your teeth have you got

28:58travel insurance you what when you booked the holiday did you get travel insurance of course

29:03we did why then you sorted time to make friends with a legend excuse me sir excuse me excuse me

29:10your airline cancels your ticket your insurance will give you a free flight your extra accommodation

29:15here tonight and your badges at home and we get another night in Spain everyone's a winner so you

29:22see it's not putting us out at all in fact we get another day's holiday well night really but you

29:26know what I mean sorry sorry but I've just got to say relax what a song and I know you've heard

29:33that a million times but shitting hell what a song sorry I didn't mean to swear I wanted it as the

29:39first dance at our wedding relax but the wife said no idiot total idiot no idea where I'm married

29:46mind you uh 25 years today so I can't say it's not lasted I've talked too much haven't I don't

29:51even answer that I've taken too much of your time already anyway thanks for the chat well for for

29:57listening uh better get the wife back to the salon a bit shabby and outdated but uh she's good to the

30:03kids oh bless you Billy and thanks very much for the tickets and happy anniversary shall we have a hug

30:09I'll be Johnson

30:33I don't understand why Monty has gone to the UK so soon

30:36it's very difficult to explain Matteo okay forget it no no come back

30:43Monty and I both feel that our relationship would work better if he was in full-time employment

30:50so why were you giving him the sack the way things are at the moment he might be the only

30:54one around here with a job what do you mean nothing serve our customers

31:00there are three people in reception asking for manager oh god I can't take any more today I'm

31:05going to bed watch every cheers it'll wait tomorrow I don't think it will they look quite

31:09official and if that's their car up front of hotel they're pretty important too oh god

31:14they look quite official and if that's their car up front of hotel

31:17they're pretty important too oh god stuttered what started oh never mind

31:38there you go sir the last seat on the last flight to Luton

31:41oh and that's me done you uh clocking off for the night not for the night forever oh bad day

31:49yeah another one well jobs a job isn't it we all need one yeah but at what price I work days my

31:56other half works nights what's the point in doing a crappy job I don't want to do that keeps me

32:02apart from the person I love most something else will turn up but will it maybe it will

32:08maybe it won't but I'll tell you something life's too short

32:12to not see the face of the person you love every day have a safe flight

32:17oh well you've missed your chance if you still want to have it out with her she's just left oh

32:38I wouldn't load myself Jacqueline she can speak to my legal team oh so you saw a solicitor then

32:43well I didn't actually see one but I got his number from one of them three papers so I spoke

32:46to him on the phone a funny name though winter small cock but he speaks English and he's no win

32:53no fee so I've got nothing to lose yeah sure you don't mind me joining you tonight it might be a

33:05night out for you but for us it's harbouring a known fugitive Eddie will you piggin well chill

33:11out I'll buy you another guitar I don't want another guitar I want my guitar so what's it

33:18like living full-time in Spain then Ron it's paradise I'm in a tiny little village in the

33:23middle of nowhere nobody bothers me hey and I don't bother them how the bloody hell do you go

33:27about faking your own death very straightforward when you've got enough friends enough friends

33:34our only friends you had not strictly true I'm a member of a well a kind of a social club

33:41it's got lots of well-connected people bloody Freemasons I knew it I knew you weren't going

33:48up to weather bit to play darts every Tuesday no I wasn't so what were you doing in Alicante airport

33:54I booked a ticket to go see a friend in the UK but now when I think back it was way too risky

34:00and when I'd heard they cancelled my flight I knew it was a sign everything happens for a reason

34:06I'll get him in same again ah not for us uh you can have an early night what's the point in coming

34:16out if you're not going to celebrate your anniversary oh don't worry we're going to

34:20celebrate it all right we got the same again for us ah it looks like Ron's got his eye on Jacqueline

34:28don't worry he'll soon do a runner when he finds out she's biggest swinger in town I don't know

34:34birds of a feather flock together what do you mean I heard a rumour that she faked her husband's

34:41death although they didn't get away with it Lordy hell

34:52thank you ladies and gentlemen and thank you to John Paul and Ash now the star of the show is you

35:00and the first ticket tonight is Holly do we have a Holly in the audience

35:16this one's for Billy

35:30relax don't do it

35:48it's our last night what do we do in here I told you free food in here more money to spend on

35:53alcohol in the new town you don't even drink hello I've got a feeling there might be some

35:58girls in town that do

36:04you might not make it as far as the new town hi hey Sam can we have a chat I'll get some drinks

36:14well I'll say one thing the standard of karaoke is getting better in here

36:18I'm so glad you came I wanted to see you before we leave I've got something to say to you listen

36:23I know what it is do you absolutely and Sam it's the right thing to do it is totally I know

36:31we've been a bit heavy this week but I get it what we've got between us can't go any further

36:37don't tell me what I was gonna say Sam it's fine I'm not as stupid as some people think

36:42we live in different countries and there's 20 years difference between us and well when your

36:48ex turned up out the blue it was kind of a relief to be honest kind of draws a line under well

36:55whatever we had which was great but

37:00Sam don't worry it's all good I've got my whole life ahead of me

37:07I'm happy for you Sam and I want you to be happy for me as I was telling Callum earlier we're

37:13no dramas kind of people that's why we got on so well yeah no dramas

37:21maybe see you in the morning before we leave yeah of course

37:37what a beautiful night well it's not exactly the red fest but it'll do

37:44yeah

37:49where did you hope you'd be 25 years ago

37:54right here what in Benidorm no sitting next to you

38:08what's wrong can you hear that

38:13what is it they're playing relax what were the chances of that bumping into Ollie Johnson at

38:19the airport they're playing relax you see it was all meant to be do you want to go in for a dance

38:27I could do with another drink as well another five minutes

38:35thank you very much this is for all of those whose flights were cancelled out of Alicante tonight

38:41including mine

39:11be president looks like you let me trade it up for a younger model I don't cry because

39:19something's over Mateo I smile because it happened now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna

39:27go and get on with my job of making sure people have a brilliant holiday something I think you

39:32could learn from

39:46you know what I knew it as soon as you mentioned Middlesbrough so you're WSA yeah

39:52whether we swingers association I think I might have met before well kind of Jewish fingers

39:59association Christmas finger buffet do you remember the pigs in blankets do you mean the

40:03crossbreed sisters oh the food the little sausage roll things I think so it was a few years ago

40:11I made them I spent most of the night just offering them round oh but I'm useless so good

40:17with faces oh no I was on all fours they were on a trail my bike oh now I remember yeah

40:24are you on your holidays no no I live here well in Spain oh so do I maybe we can go out sometime

40:33maybe we can doggers beach midnight oh yeah see you there

40:54you know I don't think we'll ever see a better tribute act than this in here

41:02I know you've never seen my Lulu no I don't think I want to oh now about these holidays you're taking

41:07could I get some dates please because I don't want it clashing with the Elvis convention well

41:11I've got some news about me dad oh no I've been thinking about that exactly how much does he owe

41:16the tax man so we could have a whip round about 80 000 pounds right what was your plan well my dad

41:22spoke to his solicitor and because the amount owed and the fact that he concealed assets and

41:25income it means the custodial sentence is likely so I'm moving back to the UK

41:29hang on a minute slow down what was that bit about custard my dad's going to prison so I'm

41:34moving back to the UK but Liam I can't run the salon on my own you're not on your own Jacqueline's

41:38here Jacqueline she's about as much use as a pair of peep toe wellies no Liam I need you here I'm

41:43sorry Kenneth my dad needs me more we're taking it one step at a time and all I know is I'm not

41:47getting depressed about it and I'm only seeing the positive side oh good I only wish I could

42:05thank you and this one is especially for Billy and Sharon happy anniversary

42:12I'll protect you from the hooded claw keep the vampires from the savage I think he's someone to

42:20see you oh Joyce have I come at a bad time sir Henry I came over with some papers for Monty I

42:28thought I could leave them with you let's sit down we'll have that car please

42:42they keep bad bad bad love is the light scary darkness

42:54I know you've already helped us out by giving Monty a job

42:59but I need to ask for more go on well the Solana group is being taken over by Bellroy Hotels

43:07Joyce how do you know this I have my sources I assume Bristol told you Joyce I'm a shareholder

43:14in Bellroy Hotels I've known for some time you didn't tell me my job could be on the line here

43:21all our jobs here at the Solana Joyce I want you to know that I will make it my business to ensure

43:26your position of the Solana is safe

43:35Solana is my life thank you

43:48yeah looks like someone else thought that as well

43:57what do you think you're doing I could ask the same question Henry are you all right

44:05I thought you were in Luton clearly I was thanking him for your job you blithering

44:11idiot and trying to save my own what do you mean save your own it doesn't matter Joyce

44:18do you love me please just answer the question do you love me I would marry you and just love you

44:26but what love isn't going to solve all our problems love might not solve all our problems

44:34but without it we don't stand a chance I love you so much

44:56with tongues of fire

45:08listen is that what nothing

45:14is to the next 25 years to the next 25 years

45:44a skyscraper

45:55tomorrow at 8 30 meet some of Delhi's 400,000 strays in Paulo Grady's for the love of dogs

46:01India and the making of a prince we look at the events that have shaped his life as he prepares

46:06to wed prince Harry's story for royal weddings is tomorrow at nine next the ITV news at 10.

Benidorm S10 E09 - Episode #10.9

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Benidorm

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