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BRITCOM ONE
  • 2 days ago

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00:00There's no way.
00:13I don't know. I don't think anything happens to us after we die.
00:16Excuse me?
00:17No, she's right.
00:19Bugs ate us.
00:21Well, last week you said you was a spiritual babe now.
00:30I'm looking away, I'm looking away, I'm looking at the stars fall down today.
00:42Oi, little one.
00:43Oh.
00:45Hi.
00:45Hi.
00:46You said it was going to be low-key, but this is, like, really low-key.
00:50I saw a loose pig.
00:51Oh, yeah?
00:52A duck taking a bath.
00:53Jess, this is Augie.
00:54Oh, hi, Jessica. Heard a lot about you.
00:57Shut the fuck up, man. Nice to know him.
00:59Hi.
00:59Don't forget my ladywoman, Pamela.
01:01Sorry, Pamela.
01:02God, you look like someone famous.
01:04Who is it?
01:05I don't think anyone could look this beautiful.
01:07Rachel Lee Cook. Got it.
01:09Who's that?
01:09She's all that. 90s icon.
01:12You know, she takes off her glasses.
01:14She's hot now, but she was always hot.
01:16She was in those, um, say no to drug PSAs.
01:19You know.
01:20This is your brain on heroin!
01:21Yeah, we don't know.
01:23I may just claim he's afraid because I'm such a legend.
01:25Fucking hell. How many have you had now?
01:27No, do you want one?
01:28No, I'm all right. This is Denby.
01:30Oh, it's so pure time for me, man.
01:31He's just trying to keep a healthy vibe, man.
01:34Shit, we should, uh, go get our stuff together in a minute.
01:36Our stuff is together, man. Look at this place.
01:38It's a pig farm. We're playing to pigs.
01:41Hey, this is Jess. Jess, this is Polly.
01:43Hi, good to meet you.
01:44Hi.
01:44Hiya.
01:45Whoa, we kissed.
01:46I love it.
01:47Thanks so much for coming.
01:48Hi, how are you? You look so nice.
01:50I'm coming too.
01:50Yeah.
01:51Um, Polly's gonna hang with you while we're playing. Is that all right?
01:53Yeah. Oh my God. I'm really, yeah. It's cool as your jacket is.
01:56Oh, merci.
01:57Cool.
01:59Bon, okay.
02:02Bonne, mon bébé.
02:04Comme le vent.
02:04Oui.
02:04But, bonjour.
02:07Let me introduce you, Jessica.
02:09Yeah.
02:10I'm Polly.
02:11And I'm Polly.
02:11Hi.
02:12Polly, hell.
02:13Three beautiful Polly's, beautiful ladies in England.
02:17If it's easier, people call her Polly A, me Polly WP, and her Polly NTD.
02:22NTD?
02:24It's not easier. It's harder to, it's more to memorize.
02:28Um, I'll just say, Polly, get over here!
02:30And you three will come.
02:31Yeah.
02:32That was loud.
02:32So you guys know, um, Felix for a long time?
02:35Have you known him? Like, he's like a cousin, just hanging around you guys so well.
02:38Do you remember when Felix was 17, and then he dressed like Sid Vichert?
02:43And then he had that minor male eating disorder. Do you remember that?
02:45Yeah.
02:46I thought he would die.
02:47Like, I wanted to breastfeed him, you know, to keep him, like, to life.
02:49To nourish him.
02:50Yeah.
02:50But you didn't breastfeed him, did you?
02:52No, I tried, but no milk. You know how it is.
02:54If you have no eggs, it doesn't work.
02:56Hello, Hackney.
02:57We are Sleeth.
02:58This is for the piggies and the donkeys and all the other mad fuckers.
03:02And this is push-tuck.
03:03Okay, what do you want?
03:20Can I have a Negroni, please?
03:21Negroni?
03:22Beer.
03:23Immediately.
03:24Actually, a Peroni.
03:25Yep.
03:26Oh, I'm good with water. I'm not really drinking these days. I'm kind of sober.
03:29Oh, cool.
03:30Me neither. I only drink beer.
03:32It helps me to stay hot.
03:33So, one of you went to Portugal with Felix?
03:38We all did.
03:39Wasn't that the trip where he fell off the cliff?
03:43Yeah.
03:43And probably ran to bottom and he was just sitting up, creating the girls like nothing had happened.
03:48Oh, my God. That's so good.
03:49And then I sunburned my corneas because I was staring directly at an eclipse and they left me in a dark room for, like, a week on my own.
03:56Picard.
03:56It's true.
03:57Yeah. You didn't hear about that?
03:58Oh, my God. I do remember this story.
04:01Felix, I love when he tells me his stories. I know so much about him. He shares a lot.
04:06Cheers, bitches.
04:08Water and boring.
04:09Cheers.
04:10Cheers.
04:10Cheers.
04:11Cheers.
04:11Cheers.
04:12Cheers.
04:14Amazing day.
04:15We're having an amazing day.
04:16Yes.
04:17What can we say? We're having an amazing day, right, girls?
04:19Yeah, true.
04:19Um, so which one of you is the closest to Felix in, like, a family, sort of, you're my sister, you're my homie, my main homie sort of way, like, oh, I can't imagine my life without you, but it's, like, in a very sibling, sibling way.
04:31I mean, it's all about us, isn't it?
04:33Yeah. Non-hierarchical friendship, you know?
04:36Which one of you feels like you're really creatively in line with him and what he believes in and what is important in life and love for him?
04:42Which one of you is, like, the most, like, you know, you're my confidant. I will tell you everything, you know, late nights, early mornings, let's go to a diner.
04:49Wow. Did I sleep a long time? Like, it was so long, I can't remember the question.
04:54So he tells all of us everything.
04:55Three musketeers, you know, but, like, four.
04:58Okay, fine. Um, sure. All right, here we go. So you and Felix used to fuck?
05:03Oh, wow. Please don't say that vulgar. No, it's, uh, I don't know, I felt really safe with him for the ten years that we were about.
05:11Yikes. Long time.
05:12Yeah, big time. And, yeah, I learned a lot about myself, but now he's more like my child or, like,
05:19who knows, my fifth husband.
05:20And there will be five.
05:22At least.
05:23Hey, Felix.
05:25Felix.
05:27He's probably looking for something.
05:28I saw Demi lick his phone and say they're probably racking up.
05:31Mm.
05:32No, they're not.
05:34He's, um, sober, so they're not racking up, they're not racking down.
05:37Felix is not sober.
05:39Is he? No, he's not.
05:41But I'm really excited to see him play such a good philanderer.
05:44Wait, what?
05:45I mean orator. He's an amazing orator. Like, his chat in between his songs is f***ing great.
05:51Lol, they mean such different things.
05:53They don't.
05:54Philanderer and orator, are you joking?
05:57It's good. Do you know he doesn't have a good chat?
05:59Cool. Are you taking a picture?
06:00Yeah, I'd like to capture a discomfort moment.
06:03Oh, get another one, I'll smile.
06:05No.
06:06Okay.
06:08Hey, cutie.
06:09Hey, you.
06:10Can't talk now.
06:11Are out of here.
06:11Let's do it.
06:13Let's get the cat.
06:15Do you want some of this?
06:17No, no.
06:18I don't think that I should try cocaine.
06:20I mean, my heart's, like, racing as we speak, so...
06:22It's cat.
06:23It's not coke.
06:24Amine?
06:24Cetamine?
06:25Oh, no.
06:26No.
06:26God, no.
06:27I mean, I read in the Daily Mail that it turned your gallbladder into marbles.
06:32I mean, yeah.
06:32Have you snored it all day, every day for, like, a decade, maybe?
06:35Yeah, no, it's okay.
06:36It's just reality will leave you, and you're going to have big ideas.
06:39Again, I'm sober curious, so I'm not even drinking.
06:43So get the stuff away from me.
06:44I won't be able to stop.
06:45I'll have to go to get help.
06:48I do not want that.
06:49No, I've...
06:50A lot of stuff went down in New York that I really don't want to talk about.
06:53Stop asking me.
06:54Ah!
06:55Home invasion!
06:56You write that out in blood, bastard!
06:58You know what?
06:59Okay.
07:00Let's do it.
07:01I will have some.
07:02I will have some.
07:03Well, every woman worth her salt will, will, is, it, should try it, try it once.
07:09Every, I'll try everything once.
07:10Doesn't mean I'll try it twice.
07:13Can it go?
07:14Let's do it.
07:14I can't wait to do ketamine with my girl.
07:17It's a big bag.
07:22Oh!
07:23Oh, my God.
07:24Oh, my God.
07:38Oh, come.
07:39Oh, you're listening to some stuff.
07:40She just needed a lorry full of care.
07:43Do you want some?
07:43I, I, it's too late to sort it out.
07:46I'm gonna, you know, I wonder if it's too late.
07:48I feel like, beautiful hair.
07:50Your hair's so pretty.
07:52Yeah, it's gonna be okay.
07:53Oh, my God.
07:55Oh, my God.
07:55Oh, my God.
07:55Oh, my God.
07:56Oh, my God.
07:57Oh, my God.
07:58Oh, my God.
07:59Oh, my God.
08:06Bit of dirty cat.
08:07I'm not above it.
08:09Please don't have any jealousies with me, you know?
08:11No.
08:11Like, when you're young, you have sex with everyone you love.
08:14I mean, that's how you, you know, you love them.
08:16And, uh, Felix was there when my mom disappeared from a boat in Marseille.
08:20And he walked me through the dark very gently.
08:22That's why he's just my friend.
08:24I feel like, like, there's, like, a delay.
08:27Like, you're talking, but I'm, like, do you hear me?
08:29Like, do you hear me if I go, like, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo?
08:33Do you hear that if I'm doing that?
08:35You hear the sound?
08:35Like, I'm doing, like, an alarm sound?
08:37You hear my alarm sound?
08:38You're sweet.
08:38Like, really.
08:40Oh, my God.
08:41There it is.
08:42My soul's leaving its body like an Uber.
08:44I-I have so many questions.
08:46I-I can't go.
08:48I have questions.
08:49Like, when a triplet dies, do the other two triplets become twins?
08:52Like, are they just, like, yeah, I'm a triplet, but don't ask about the other one?
08:57Or do I have a soul phone and then a regular phone?
08:59Like, a regular phone to text my family on and then a soul phone is, like, when you really,
09:03really connect?
09:04Am I the Meghan Merkle of, like, fat white bitches?
09:07Please, do not look at me like a monster.
09:10I'm not looking at you like a monster.
09:12I'm looking at you like a cat.
09:13You look like a cat.
09:15And-and cats scare me because I don't know what they're thinking.
09:17They're so selfish.
09:18They're just, like, I need to sleep.
09:20And Felix is probably up in the clouds searching for me.
09:22Or maybe he's gone down into the pits of hell to see if the flames are licking me.
09:26He probably thinks I'm dead.
09:27He probably thinks I'm dead.
09:29Oh, everyone knows you're alive.
09:30Ah!
09:31Breathe.
09:32Breathe with me.
09:32Breathe.
09:34Breathe.
09:34Breathe.
09:35Breathe.
09:35Breathe.
09:35Breathe.
09:36Oh, like, normally, like, no tone.
09:39Are you trying to fuck me right now?
09:41Huh?
09:41But you two never.
09:43Don't say never.
09:44I'm really sexy.
09:45You just need to see me without all my sweaters on.
09:47I already see everything.
09:48I'm just saying, like, I'm trying to bring you to calm.
09:51And when you breathe slowly, you can self-soothe.
09:54Don't need the tongue or anything.
09:56Just in.
09:58Just take Felix.
09:59Just take him.
10:00It'll be like taking a purse off an old lady.
10:02Tell me about it.
10:03No, no.
10:03Tell me about how it is when you guys make love.
10:05Oh, wow.
10:06No, no.
10:06It's like all love was quite toxic.
10:09We...
10:09Neither of us like to be told what to do, so we triggered each other.
10:13And now that we say bye to sex, I can feel his heart, which is so pure.
10:18And it always has been.
10:20It's just like he's my friend and I'm glad to have him by my side.
10:24But yeah, I'm lucky that he want to be because I was really not so easy to handle during those
10:30days.
10:31I had a lot of anger and I expressed myself way much more with my body than my words.
10:37Let's see.
10:37He loves it.
10:38Oh!
10:38No, it was more like punching him in the face.
10:41But anyway, he is loyal in his way.
10:44It's okay.
10:45We all have to accept the role we play in relationships, you know?
10:48But what if he didn't play a role in the relationship?
10:52You know, like, what if your behavior was literally perfect because you're a perfect angel
10:55and then the other person changed and the other person got really mean like a monster?
10:59I'm asking for my cousin friend Shelby.
11:02Cousin friend, I would say to this Shelby that even heroes make mistakes when it comes
11:08to love, okay?
11:10You're right.
11:11You're right, Polly.
11:13Heroes make mistakes.
11:16Heroes make mistakes.
11:17Oh my God.
11:18Have you seen her over there?
11:20She is killing the vibe.
11:21We're putting her out there.
11:22This is embarrassing.
11:23Someone do a false check on the vibe because it is deadly.
11:26Okay, you know what?
11:27I think you should just like...
11:28I shouldn't have sang.
11:29Yeah.
11:29Why did I do that?
11:30I don't know.
11:31Sometimes, yeah, you know what's happening.
11:33I thought...
11:33You should go to your place, lie on your bed, walk through your memory, talk to the small
11:37girl you were and have a nice sleep on a fluffy pillow, okay?
11:42You come over, we order a pizza, we watch a movie.
11:44Yeah, I don't think so, but I will send you pictures.
11:47Okay.
11:47You're alone in the rhythm of somewhere, you're alone in the rhythm of somewhere, you're alone in the rhythm of somewhere.
12:09You're alone in the rhythm of somewhere, you're alone in the rhythm of somewhere, you're alone in the rhythm of somewhere.
12:32You're alone in the rhythm of somewhere, you're alone in the rhythm of somewhere, you're alone in the rhythm of nowhere.
13:03Hey, you've reached the office of Relix Femin. I don't really want a voice message. I find them sort of violent. Anyway, peace. Bye.
13:12This mailbox is full and cannot accept new messages.
13:33Come on. Just say something. I know you can.
13:40Oh, we're not done. We're not done.
14:10Your friend said they were going to the next bar.
14:12Okay, well, where'd they say they were going?
14:15They just said the next bar.
14:17Okay, well, I was still working on my pizza.
14:20Okay, well, no one asked me to protect your pizza.
14:22You shouldn't clear food right away when someone's, like, in the bathroom. They're probably coming back to eat the food.
14:26What do you want?
14:28Just maybe you give me another slice or something.
14:30You can get another drink, and then you can get a pizza ticket. That's how it works.
14:34Okay, I don't want to drink. I want my pizza.
14:36Okay, well, that's our policy, so I don't really know what to tell you.
14:38You really shouldn't mock the customers.
14:41You started it.
14:41What if that's how my voice sounds all the time?
14:44Hey. Hi.
14:46Hi.
14:46You know, I was this close to saying something to save your pizza, and then I chickened out.
14:54Hindsight's always 20-20.
14:57You really should have said something. I screamed at that perfect person.
15:01Oh, I know. I'm sorry.
15:03I'm not normally that fired up.
15:05The pizza's really amazing. It's like the perfect pizza. It's like pizza from home alone.
15:10Perfect crust. Perfect amount of cheese.
15:12Thank you. Thank you.
15:13It's like everybody's always like, Deferro's is the best, you know?
15:17But no, this is like, mama mia.
15:19This is authentic pizza right here.
15:23I own Deferro's.
15:25Oh, that's you?
15:25You don't like that place? That's my place.
15:28Oh. Hey, come with me.
15:30Absolutely.
15:31Hi.
15:31Stop.
15:32How are you?
15:33Fine.
15:33I couldn't help but notice that you had some pizza tickets lying about,
15:38and I was wondering if we could maybe grab a few?
15:42Sure.
15:43My friend here, she recently had a family tragedy.
15:46My family's died.
15:48It's dead.
15:48Yeah, and the only thing that could cheer her up is...
15:52Oh, yeah.
15:53Okay, thank you.
15:54No worries.
15:56Anyway, yeah.
15:56I'm really sorry about your family.
15:58You're really crazy.
15:59Why?
15:59That was really crazy. You didn't know that guy.
16:01What if he is a serial killer and he's going to kill us because we stole a ticket?
16:06I mean, them's in the breaks, right?
16:07Mm-hmm.
16:09I'm Zev, by the way.
16:12Zeb?
16:13Zev, with a V.
16:14Zeb.
16:15Am I saying that right? With a B?
16:16No, you're not saying it right.
16:18You're saying it with a B?
16:18You're a jerk.
16:19It's like ecstasy.
16:24It's like ecstasy.
16:28Comes off the back, the sense out of its roar.
16:35But surely, what's to leave?
16:39She hits like ecstasy.
16:44Wow, thank you.
16:48I like the spin.
16:49That was nice.
16:50It's a spin.
16:58That's a spin.
16:59It comes a great tragedy.
17:05It comes a great tragedy.
17:23I'm sorry.
17:25Wait, let me just see if my roommates are here.
17:27You have roommates?
17:28I don't want to, like, wait them out.
17:30Sarah?
17:33Jessica?
17:34Parker?
17:35Is anyone home?
17:39Wait, that was really funny.
17:41I thought that you had roommates.
17:42Oh, no, I do have roommates.
17:44Their names are DJ, Stephanie, Kimmy Gibbler, Uncle Jesse.
17:50See you next time.
17:55Oh, my God.
18:25Oh, my God.
18:27Sorry.
18:27Happy birthday to you.
18:30Happy birthday to you.
18:32Happy 29th birthday, dear Jessica.
18:36I love you.
18:40You do?
18:42Yeah.
18:44A lot.
18:45Like, so fucking much.
18:48I love you so much.
18:51I never dreamed of being loved by someone like you.
18:53I feel like you're better than my dreams.
18:56Aw.
19:05This might have melted.
19:06I'm going to have it for lunch.
19:08I, uh, I scared a lady before you, actually.
19:10Really?
19:11Yeah, and then we made out.
19:13No!
19:13She was shocked, but I think happy, maybe?
19:16Now remember, my man, no cheating.
19:19All right?
19:20I know it seems easy now, but it'll get you in the end.
19:22I promise.
19:23Trust me.
19:24Unless you're rich, then you can cheat all you want, but not before that.
19:28Yeah.
19:28Let him cheat.
19:29He can cheat.
19:29Some of the most intelligent people cheat.
19:31This looks like Francis II.
19:33It does.
19:33Look at that.
19:34Why are you mortaring so much?
19:36I'm not mortaring.
19:37I'm pestling.
19:38I don't know, because this is what you said to make it really...
19:40I know, but what is...
19:41What are you even...
19:42That's too much.
19:43It's pepper and other pepper.
19:44That's too much.
19:45Zev.
19:46Yeah?
19:46Zev, honey.
19:47Could I trouble you to take off my sock?
19:50Your sock?
19:51Uh, yes, please.
19:53It would be an honor.
19:55Would you like a massage, too?
19:56Oh, I'd love a massage.
19:58Don't rip her socks off like that.
20:00It's so sexual.
20:01Oh, stop it.
20:02It's adorable.
20:03Look at him.
20:04Great foot massages.
20:05He reminds me so much of my deceased husband, Henry.
20:08Oh, he was a terribly cruel man, but he had that gap in his teeth.
20:14I could never get over it.
20:16Well, it's called a diastema.
20:18I looked it up recently.
20:19Oh, he never told me that.
20:20Careful, Zev.
20:21This is how the salmon women get you.
20:23Hold it last, please.
20:23First, it's the sock, and then it's a disorienting compliment, and then the next thing you know,
20:27you're picking your son up from capoeira, and you haven't had sex in six months.
20:32Let's not pretend that you've ever picked up your kid from anywhere, anytime, anyhow.
20:37Thank you, Mommy.
20:38Have you ever been tested for low teeth?
20:39Have you ever been tested to see if you're a sociopath?
20:41Grandma is not a sociopath.
20:44When she hit that guy with the car, she felt really bad.
20:47Yeah, she also felt alive.
20:49And we are very good friends now.
20:50It's all good.
20:51We're calm.
20:52We're good.
20:53Yeah, you guys are, like, too close.
20:54It's weird.
20:54They don't want to be thinking about all this depressing stuff, do they, Grandma?
20:58You know, nobody wants to hear about this stuff here.
21:00These people are young.
21:01They're in love.
21:02They're having a good time.
21:03They don't want to hear about people who got hit by cars and won lawsuits and all this junk.
21:09It's like, come on.
21:10And they also don't want to hear about the fact that, like, a relationship can be passionate
21:14and connected and intense, and then the minute you bring a child into it, the connection
21:18is gone and it's crushed like a hothouse rose.
21:20No, no, no.
21:21I want to talk about children.
21:22I want to talk about...
21:23That's crazy.
21:24I think Jess would make an amazing mother.
21:26Really?
21:27Yeah.
21:27Yeah, I have this vision of you surrounded by, I don't know, six, seven, eight kids.
21:32Six, seven, or eight kids?
21:34Are they my kids?
21:35Are those my kids?
21:35I would hope so, yeah.
21:36Oh, my God.
21:37That's really nice.
21:39I want to have kids with you.
21:41Yeah?
21:43Right, ma'am.
21:44Okay, okay.
21:46Honestly, you could stand to do some of the things.
21:49He rubbed grandma's feet.
21:51He sat and played cards with our son.
21:53Things that you actually...
21:54I talked to our kids.
21:55Well, you know what?
21:56Here's the thing.
21:58It takes a little effort to become a part of the family.
22:01I have been a part of this family for a long time.
22:03What the hell are you talking about?
22:04You know, there's also, it's good to have a little conflict.
22:07I'm not saying that it's a terrible thing because that's how you get closer.
22:10Then that means that you and I are really close, sweetheart.
22:14Aww.
22:18Wait, babe.
22:24Don't.
22:24That's my best pillow.
22:25No.
22:26No, I'm sorry.
22:27No, we can't let it in.
22:28There's too much pink.
22:30Jazz, there's so much pink.
22:31It's like, I feel like a pink bouncer, and I have to decide which pink is on the list.
22:36Yeah, but pink's so fabulous.
22:38I mean, think of Miss Piggy.
22:39She's like a sexy puppet.
22:41She has huge boobies.
22:42Okay, well, Miss Piggy may be sexy, but that pillow is not.
22:46Listen, baby, we'll get new cushions, okay?
22:50Better cushions.
22:50Our cushions.
22:51It'll be like a metaphor for our life together.
22:55Yeah?
22:56Okay, let's see what else we can throw out.
22:58I love you right down to your bones.
23:09I love you, too.
23:13I swear to God, you barely need to know how to type to write for Pitchfork.
23:16They don't want my reviews, yet they're going to let some girl whose name is literally Holiday Blasphemy critique metal music.
23:24Just keep sending them, babe.
23:26They're going to want them.
23:27I mean, you're writing so complex and funny and smart.
23:29Whatever, you skim it, Jazz.
23:31Even you skim it.
23:32I read everything that you sent me.
23:35Yeah, and you say the same thing every time.
23:37Amazing.
23:38With all caps and three hearts.
23:40Babe, what's wrong?
23:43Are you mad at me?
23:45No, I'm not mad.
23:46I just...
23:47Listen, if we're going to live together, you can't always ask for constant reassurance.
23:52Sometimes I'm just in a bad mood, you know?
23:54It's human.
23:55Well, in my house, we weren't allowed to be meaner to anyone else than we were to ourselves.
24:00What the fuck does that even mean?
24:02I don't know.
24:02It's something my mom used to say.
24:04Well, maybe you should look into this stuff, you know?
24:07Maybe see a therapist.
24:08Because it's actually really selfish of you not to let go of this anxious attachment style.
24:14The thing about the current aesthetic is it's a regurgitation of a regurgitation.
24:18You know, the 90s were the 50s on speed, 2010s, 90s on ecstasy.
24:22It's like every time we move past a recession, we lean into this false American exceptionalism,
24:27and it's just exhausting.
24:29Did you see that piece that just came out where the writer used Lacanian theory of jouissance
24:34to deconstruct our current obsession with vaccines?
24:37Where'd you go to college with Lacanian?
24:38Do you keep mentioning them?
24:39Oh, did I not say I went to Harvard?
24:41Never mind.
24:41Whatever.
24:42Oh, wait.
24:43No.
24:43You went to Harvard.
24:45Harvard girl here.
24:46I went to low league Cornell.
24:48Okay.
24:49One of those is it.
24:51Have you ever seen, it reminds me, Vanderpump Rules?
24:55No, Jess.
24:58No one here has seen Vanderpump Rules.
25:02I swear, you dress as a fuck you to people sometimes, Jess.
25:05It's like you want to make them feel like idiots for looking at you.
25:09You don't want them to know that you're beautiful, or even me to know that you're beautiful.
25:13I think you think you can't compete with someone like Gigi Hadid, so you have to go in the
25:19total opposite direction.
25:21How do you know who Gigi Hadid is?
25:23Please, I know who Gigi Hadid is, okay?
25:25I know culture.
25:27It seeps in.
25:28Maybe I'm thinking of Bella Hadid.
25:30I don't know.
25:31The point is, the Hadid beautiful is only one kind of beautiful.
25:33Well, I like the dress.
25:37I think it's comfortable, so.
25:38Yeah, but you don't want people to know that you're your own kind of beautiful.
25:43I just like the dress.
25:48I, I, I don't believe it, Sally.
25:54After all this time, you're not human.
25:56I didn't want to tell you, Jason, but my name isn't Sally.
26:00It's 3017B.
26:02And I'm a machine.
26:04Who loves you?
26:06Did he just wrap our Brita in foil?
26:09What?
26:10He stole our Brita.
26:11How long has this been true?
26:13As long as I've been sentient.
26:15Get your shit together, Rizofa.
26:15I was near the real factory you worked in before it shut down.
26:18They said no flash photography.
26:21What are you going to do?
26:22Kick us out?
26:23They're fucking seventh graders.
26:24Well, it's...
26:25Oh, gosh, shut the fuck up.
26:27I'm watching art.
26:29Oh.
26:30Oh, my.
26:31I haven't seen a play this good since Death of a Salesman.
26:34Hey, guys.
26:35Maybe we'll whisper.
26:36Well, now you're being loud.
26:37You're being loud.
26:38Your voice carries.
26:39You were being there by the floor.
26:40Your voice literally carries so loud.
26:41You guys are allowed to just talk out loud in the middle of a...
26:43Whisper Mom!
26:44That lead guy was good.
26:56Yeah.
26:57William H. Macy vibes.
26:58Mm-hmm.
26:59You know, strong character actor who makes interesting choices.
27:03He was really incredible.
27:04Yeah.
27:04The girl, Isabel, oh, my God.
27:06What an ingenue.
27:08The glow that disguises her inner pain.
27:11What?
27:11It made me really happy.
27:15Okay.
27:17But also kind of sad, I guess.
27:19Why?
27:22I don't know.
27:23I mean, they're in middle school, and yet they're having more invigorating creative experiences
27:27than us.
27:28We have so much to say, and we're just, like, at home ordering Thai food and, like, rotting
27:33on the couch in our sweatpants.
27:34We?
27:35I write every night while you're watching the real housewomen of North Carolina or whatever.
27:42I'm working on my book.
27:44Yeah, but you never show it to anyone.
27:46Yeah, because I don't write for other people.
27:50I mean, that's the thing.
27:51You seem to think that you can only be creative in front of people.
27:54It's, like, just for show, you know?
27:59It's the same way you want us to be, like, this power couple, just so shiny.
28:06Well, not everyone has to be shiny, you know?
28:09It's actually offensive to all the real artists in this world for us to think that we could
28:13just snap our fingers and be like them.
28:17You're good at what you do, Jess.
28:19You make it possible for other artists to make a living.
28:23Embrace your role.
28:26Let me embrace mine.
28:29Oh, my God, we have to go, Lugby.
28:31No, no, no, no, no.
28:31Please, please.
28:32No, it's too dangerous.
28:34We must, though.
28:35We must.
28:37Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
28:38It's so cute.
28:40That's okay.
28:41Hi.
28:42Cute.
28:43Okay, we're definitely not getting this one.
28:47You're a Muppet.
28:48You're a full Muppet.
28:50Is this really what you want?
28:52Yeah, please.
28:53Please, Mok.
28:55You're so cute.
28:57You're a baby.
29:00Well, how could I say no to those eyes?
29:03You look like a precious moment style.
29:06Can we see this one?
29:08Yes.
29:08Treats should be reserved for the moment to your dog doesn't think praiseworthy.
29:14But everything you do is praiseworthy.
29:16You are a magic girl.
29:19I always want to give you treats because you're the best girl in the world.
29:23I don't want you to sleep in the crate.
29:35I want you to sleep in the bed.
29:37What are we going to do for dinner tonight?
29:49I mean, we could do, like, I don't know, tacos, but I don't want to do the walking tacos again.
29:53Okay, it's hard to make those at home.
29:55It just feels, like, gross.
29:56I say possible.
29:57We only have variety.
29:58Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
30:00Sorry.
30:01What the fuck is wrong with you?
30:03Uh, I'm sorry.
30:05Um, I think the dogs were saying hi.
30:06You really can't be walking around in a peaceful neighborhood with such a violent dog.
30:11I think that, uh, she's fine.
30:13There's nothing, she's done nothing wrong.
30:15I mean, she's a little overwhelmed.
30:17Yeah.
30:17And maybe you're making it worse.
30:18Well, when I get overwhelmed, I take a Xanax, okay?
30:21I don't assault a neighbor.
30:22Okay, pill popper.
30:23Okay, all right.
30:24I'm sorry.
30:24I mean, a pill popper?
30:25Sometimes a dog will smell another dog's ass and not like the smell.
30:28It's science.
30:29Yeah, well, I can smell your ass.
30:30And it stinks, cunt.
30:33Come on.
30:34Oh, my God.
30:36Oh, my God.
30:36What the fuck, Jess?
30:38That was fucking awful.
30:39I know.
30:40She just called me a cunt.
30:41That was so scary.
30:42No, you promised you'd train her.
30:44I mean, can you imagine the kind of shit we'd be in if she bit somebody?
30:46But she didn't bite anyone.
30:48You're like a child.
30:49You want the things so bad, but aren't actually willing to put in the work.
30:53I mean, can you imagine if we had a baby right now?
30:55We don't have a baby right now.
30:57Okay, I can't do this right now.
30:59I feel very fucking anxious.
31:00Baby, come on.
31:02I'll get a trainer.
31:03I'm sorry, okay?
31:04We'll get a bunch of trainers.
31:05We'll go to classes.
31:06I, she makes me so happy.
31:08Yeah, but don't you want me to be happy?
31:11She called me a cunt.
31:13Whatever.
31:13I don't know the politics when it's two girls.
31:15I mean, my mom calls her friends cunts all the time.
31:18Get rid of the dog.
31:22How is he?
31:32I don't know.
31:33Go find him.
31:33Turn him around.
31:34Send him back.
31:35Stay in the bed, sit.
31:36Get a car, sit around.
31:37Get more and have us on floor.
31:39Tell her that chooses rather than...
31:40My accuses, that's where it goes.
31:42Atkins on his way to hospital.
31:44Christ knows where it goes is.
31:45They hardly walk.
31:46Yeah, I don't want to hear about that.
31:49Richard, Richard can't ever do anything.
31:52Now, fast!
32:02You're just socially gifted and taking pity on me.
32:06I grew up in Des Moines, which is a city technically, but it is absolutely not at all.
32:12Des Moines meet Watertown, Massachusetts.
32:14Oh, shit.
32:17Anyway, I was just so obsessed with watching these videos.
32:20It was like this map to the future, like New York City.
32:23I'd never seen somebody so unabashedly weird and passionate.
32:28And nerdy.
32:29What?
32:30No, there's no such thing as nerds.
32:32That's...
32:32Uh...
32:32No, there's a lot.
32:33I think it's a different.
32:34What?
32:35No, that's like an insult that idiots came up with to make fun of people who care about things.
32:40Damn.
32:42Never would have pegged you for a Nardwar girl.
32:44Well, maybe you shouldn't try pegging people so soon after meeting them.
32:47Okay.
32:48I got a story.
32:57You got to turn to a silly fantasy room.
33:02Is she sleeping when you call me?
33:08In a second, I'm coming in for you.
33:12Oh, wow.
33:23What's with the glasses?
33:25When did you get, like, a Supreme hoodie?
33:28Fuck, Jess.
33:29I got a meeting with my editor right now, and you want to make me feel like a total douche?
33:33No, I just want to know when you got a full new outfit, courtesy of Ice Magazine 2010.
33:38People are allowed to change.
33:40That's what good relationships do, you know?
33:43They allow your partner the grace to grow.
33:45I didn't complain when you stopped shaving your bush.
33:48Hey.
33:49I didn't stop.
33:50I'm just taking a break.
33:52Okay.
33:53Also, I mean, I want you to change.
33:55I just...
33:57I'm having a really hard time, and you feel really distant.
34:02You're always having a really hard time.
34:04Yeah, I mean, ever since we gave the dog, I just...
34:06The dog, the dog.
34:07Yeah, and it's like, if it's not the dog, it's a fight with Leah.
34:12And if it's not Leah, it's your sister.
34:13And if it's not your sister, it's work.
34:16There's some catastrophe that makes you disassociate.
34:18So you buy stuff on a new bed?
34:34Yeah, like, I got a problem.
34:35It's like, it's sort of an addiction, and...
34:37I need you to teach me a lesson.
34:38I still don't know.
34:39Hi!
34:39Oh, good.
34:40Oh, hey.
34:42Uh, Jess.
34:44Hey.
34:44Wendy.
34:44Wendy, this is, uh, my girlfriend Jess.
34:47Oh, my God.
34:47Hi.
34:48So nice to meet you.
34:49I think we met at, um, Jose's party.
34:51You were wearing, like, a scarf dress.
34:53Oh, my God.
34:54Yes.
34:54Nice to see you.
34:55Sorry.
34:55Nice to see you, too.
34:56I love your outfit.
34:57I like that you could see your bra through your shirt.
34:58And it's fun.
34:59It's crazy, actually.
35:00Uh, Wendy just moved right over there on Amity Street.
35:03What?
35:04Ah!
35:05That is crazy.
35:06That's surprising.
35:07New to the neighborhood.
35:08Yeah.
35:08Welcome.
35:08Yeah.
35:09I was just buying crickets for my lizard, and I saw this man, so...
35:12Ooh, she has a bearded dragon.
35:14Yeah.
35:14Chantilly.
35:15She's my baby.
35:16Well, if you don't get arrested for having an exotic animal...
35:19Actually, it's legal.
35:20It's legal.
35:20Um, but, yeah, it was a rescue.
35:23So crazy.
35:23The lizards are so creepy.
35:25Their scales are always wet, you know?
35:27Why are they always wet?
35:27I don't walk around all slick and slimy.
35:30I mean, they're scales, so it's, like, kind of the nature of scales.
35:34But, yeah, they're not for everyone.
35:37Anyway, um, yeah, I just saw this guy looking like a lost little six-year-old.
35:42What?
35:42Yeah, I wanted to find the manager to page your mom on the intercom.
35:45Okay, excuse you.
35:46Are you his mom?
35:47Because it looks like you found him.
35:49We've got to do something about this.
35:50These shorts are, like, they're giving, like, basketball, P.E., middle school.
35:55I don't know.
35:55They're cool.
35:55What are you talking about?
35:56I mean, they're fine.
35:57You've got to do something about it.
36:05Oh.
36:07Okay.
36:08All right.
36:08Well.
36:09It was nice to meet you.
36:17Hey, baby.
36:19For me?
36:20Oh.
36:21Well, this is mine.
36:23I didn't know you wanted one.
36:26I think there's a little bit left in the French press.
36:28Oh.
36:29Well, I'm not a mind reader, you know.
36:31I'm not a mind reader, you know.
36:33Okay.
36:43Hey.
36:45For me?
36:46Yeah, it's, um, it's an oat milk latte.
36:49You've been, you've been on your feet all day, so I thought it's like, um, it's like who does
36:54stuff for the people that do stuff.
36:57Thank you, Casey.
37:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:01It's really nice.
37:01Yeah, no problem.
37:03Yeah.
37:03Uh, hey, man, I was raised by women.
37:07Um, my, my mom and, and sister are really important to me.
37:13They're both nurses.
37:15They do it.
37:16They do it all, you know, and.
37:20You okay?
37:21Yeah.
37:22Yeah.
37:23It's just really, really nice to have a guy like you do something like this for a girl like
37:29me.
37:29Yeah.
37:30Yeah.
37:31Sound like I'm in a movie.
37:32Yeah, right.
37:33Yeah, me too.
37:35And we're in New York, too.
37:36It's like, so, uh, so fitting, because we're, um, do you want to, like, go get a drink or
37:43something?
37:47One second.
37:48One second.
37:49One second.
37:49All right.
37:52Ah!
37:54I'm a young person in New York City!
37:57I'm in, I'm in this, I'm in New York City, too!
38:07Oh, my God.
38:08Oh, my God.
38:09Oh, my God.
38:11Oh, so cool.
38:13You just have fun.
38:15You're really good.
38:16I like you a lot.
38:17Do you have, um, do you have a rubber?
38:20What?
38:20Like a condom?
38:22Yeah.
38:22Like, it's 1950?
38:23Why are you saying rubber?
38:24Are we in, like, Greece 2 now?
38:26Just pull out.
38:27No, it's a myth.
38:29No, it's not a myth.
38:30I don't want to...
38:30How many pull-out babies have you met?
38:34I'm a pull-out baby.
38:35What?
38:36Yeah, my dad put in my mom for, like, like, three seconds and then, uh...
38:41Okay, don't tell people that.
38:43Don't tell people that.
38:46Okay, you don't tell people that.
38:47I think I love you.
38:49Okay, let's just...
38:50We're kidding.
38:50You're kidding.
38:51I'm kidding.
38:51Yeah, I'm kidding.
38:52Thanks for the latte.
38:54Yeah.
38:55Yeah, dude, I got lattes all day.
38:58Maybe...
38:59Okay, we'll just talk later for...
39:02Just...
39:02Okay, okay.
39:06Because you have to know it's going to change your life, like...
39:24Like, really change it.
39:27And you're not going to sleep through the night ever again.
39:31And you can't do drugs.
39:33And you can't go on weekends with people you barely know.
39:40And you're really going to have to lean on Zev.
39:43Like, really trust him.
39:45You're going to have to be on the same page, on the same sentence, on the same word, on the same letter, even.
39:51And, you know, it's not just, it's not just, you know, fun times at the park and bubble baths.
39:57It's actually, it's a lot of work.
40:00It's kids constantly asking you what they're going to eat next and telling you how bored they are.
40:06And, you know, you're just, there's just feces literally everywhere.
40:10It's shit.
40:30You're just going to hang out in the dark, then? Super.
40:42I think that, um, I think that we should talk.
40:49Because I, I don't think that it's working out the way that we want it to.
40:54I knew it.
40:56What?
40:59I knew I'd be spending Hanukkah alone.
41:02Well, do you used to love me at all?
41:15I don't know.
41:17Okay, well, um, I'm pregnant, so I guess I'll go get an abortion or something.
41:24If you don't.
41:29Yeah, that's probably the right idea.
41:32God.
41:36You make me feel fucking crazy.
41:40Like I'm just, like, drowning in an ocean, waving my arms around for help, and you're just standing there smiling at me.
41:50Like you don't even know what's going on.
41:53You don't even see how lonely you've made me feel.
41:55You're like one of those guys who thinks that he wants a strong woman, who loves all the bright, big things about her, but you fucking don't.
42:05I used to feel so special about me.
42:11You just want to beat me into submission, maybe not with your fists, but with your words and your lack of love.
42:26It just feels like a bunch of little paper cuts, but imagine your whole body covered in paper cuts.
42:35You know, you're really, really good at turning everything into a sob story.
42:44I mean, this whole time we've been together and you're just saying this now.
42:49If this is how you felt, then why don't you just end it?
42:56Huh?
42:56Why couldn't you just be brave and end it and have the decency to give me to someone who fucking wanted me?
43:02But instead you waited around, for what?
43:06For what?
43:07For you to love me like you did when it started?
43:11I don't know.
43:12Maybe you do feel alone because of me.
43:17Or maybe it's because at the root of it all, you really are just a fucking cunt.
43:25Oh, it's okay.
43:50It's okay.
43:52Here we go.
43:53Mel, I need you.
43:55To count backwards from ten for me.
43:58All right, Jessica?
43:59Mm-hmm.
43:59Someone asked me who's my favorite bad man.
44:03I'll think of you and say Christian males.
44:07As long as I live, I'll remember the name.
44:11We're married.
44:13We're married.
44:14We're married.
44:16Seven.
44:16Five in my gut that I've chased ever since.
44:22You set the part.
44:24You're gonna stick.
44:33Oh, hey.
44:34Hey, it's okay.
44:36Jessica, lie back.
44:37You did just fine.
44:39Everything went perfectly well.
44:41No, wait, wait.
44:43I need to go get my dog, though.
44:45I need to go get cutesy.
44:47Fine, fine.
44:47Please.
44:49I don't know where she is.
44:50She doesn't even know where I am.
44:51Just let it all go.
44:52Just let it all go.
44:54She doesn't know where I am.
44:58Mom, why are we moving her in an ice cream truck?
45:25Honey, it's not an ice cream truck.
45:27It's a taco truck, and Raul gave it to us for free.
45:32Love this part.
45:33It used to be so easy living here with you.
45:40You were light and breezy, and I knew just what to do.
45:45Now you look so unhappy, and I feel like a fool.
45:50And it's too late, baby, now it's too late.
45:59Though we really did try to make it.
46:04Something inside has died, and I can't hide,
46:09and I just can't fake it.
46:12Oh, no, no.
46:16Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
46:21Stop, stop.
46:23Diddle-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de.
46:24You always want me to stop singing, honey,
46:26but this is the way I'm making the moment more tolerable,
46:29and we will make a memory out of this.
46:31Yeah, a memory of you crashing a taco truck.
46:33Mom, stop.
46:34Under 10 pounds, we do have one.
46:37No applications yet.
46:39Your owner was 90.
46:41Slipped in the bath and died.
46:43Took over a week to find her.
46:45She's a little traumatized.
46:50That's okay, so am I.
46:53Oh, my God, she's so beautiful.
46:56She's perfect.
46:58Hi, Mama.
47:01Oh.
47:02You are naked.
47:03You need jeans.
47:05You need a pair of jeans and a shirt.
47:21Hey, just let me know if you don't want him here,
47:29because I will handle it, okay?
47:31I don't know, what does that mean?
47:33You don't even want him that way.
47:37Hey, what's happened?
47:38Were you watching the O.C. again?
47:41Just have some Wagamama.
47:43We'll put you right.
47:45Cool, thanks, man.
47:45All right.
47:46Okay, shout if you need me.
47:50Sorry.
47:51Why did you leave?
48:04Because you were all coked out, and you started to ignore me,
48:08and I thought you could play that game, so then I took a bunch of ketamine from Polly 3,
48:16and then it was, like, too much at once,
48:19and then Polly 1 started looking like a fucking cat.
48:23Okay.
48:23You thought I was on coke?
48:31Yeah.
48:33Why did you run away?
48:36Because I was stressed out about the gig.
48:39And I had diarrhea.
48:41I didn't think about that.
48:49Don't, don't think about it.
48:52It's not a good image.
48:54I'm so happy that you had diarrhea.
48:58I thought you didn't want to be around me or something
49:01because your friends are so cool.
49:04They're not cool.
49:06That's why you're crying, because you thought I'd taken cocaine.
49:11I'm ignoring you.
49:13No.
49:20I found the whole thing kind of embarrassing, to be honest with you.
49:24Me?
49:25No, the gig is, like, all fucking shit.
49:29You're such a good singer.
49:31Yeah, I feel like I'm in a wedding band or something.
49:34A wedding between a pig and a goat,
49:36and their parents don't approve,
49:39but despite their cultural differences,
49:41they're in love.
49:43What?
49:48Okay.
49:50What?
49:51Me is so, like, alive.
49:55It's all good, aren't we?
49:58Thanks.
50:01I don't want to say anything to you
50:03that I've said to other people before,
50:06but, like, I've been thinking about it a lot,
50:11and I feel like it's actually getting scarier
50:14not saying it,
50:15and I just want you to know that
50:16I really love you.
50:20And, um,
50:21I wish there was, like, a new way to say it.
50:24Like, I wish there was, like, other words.
50:27But I do.
50:28Yeah, I don't know how to say it back, sorry.
50:45Um.
50:47I just have, like, a...
50:49Yeah, like, I have difficulty with that word, so...
50:53Yeah.
50:54But, like, I have, obviously, like, a lot of feelings.
50:58And, like, if I...
50:59If I knew how to say it, I would say it.
51:03Sure.
51:06Yeah, it's okay.
51:09And so I've...
51:10I just...
51:11I probably am, like,
51:13feeling weird
51:14from the drugs.
51:17Do you want, like, a tea or something?
51:18Uh, yeah, thanks.
51:20That's nice.
51:23Carmen's, like, quite dehydrating, so...
51:25You okay, yeah?
51:28Mm-hmm.
51:30I'm okay.
51:33Thanks for...
51:34Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said anything.
51:38All right.
51:40One tea coming up.
51:43Not too hot, yeah?
52:06Yeah.