- yesterday
A brief synopsis of the story is that Taj goes to England and starts trying to do Van's thing in a posh college, he also somehow gets involved in a dog show.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00After pursuing my degree in history, I'll go ahead and get a minor in major
00:00:06muff munching. You're not listening to anything I'm saying, are you?
00:00:11Not a word, Mr. Minor in Major Muff Munching.
00:00:17Chicken or fish?
00:00:19Yes, I'll have the chicken, please.
00:00:21Enjoy your meal.
00:00:23Thank you very much.
00:00:24You're welcome.
00:00:26Right.
00:00:27Chicken or fish?
00:00:29Excuse me.
00:00:32Yes.
00:00:33Is that Madame Indira's homemade Bombay hot sauce?
00:00:35No way, you know it.
00:00:37Habanera and cayenne peppers mixed with lime juice, vinegar, onions and salt.
00:00:40From the Great Calcutta Salt Lake?
00:00:42Would you like some?
00:00:44Oh, oh, sorry, I'm so clumsy.
00:00:48Oh.
00:00:52Oh.
00:00:54Sorry.
00:00:55I have this thing for spices.
00:01:00You have a thing?
00:01:03Mm-hmm.
00:01:04Well.
00:01:12You want some of this, don't you, you dirty little goat?
00:01:15Whoa.
00:01:16Whoa.
00:01:17Huh?
00:01:18Huh?
00:01:19Come and get it.
00:01:25Oh.
00:01:26Oh.
00:01:27Oh.
00:01:28Don't stop.
00:01:29Oh.
00:01:30Don't stop.
00:01:31Oh.
00:01:32Don't stop.
00:01:33I said, don't stop.
00:01:34Okay, okay.
00:01:35Okay.
00:01:36Okay.
00:01:37Okay.
00:01:38Okay.
00:01:39Okay.
00:01:40Yeah?
00:01:41Yeah?
00:01:42You like hot sauce on your kebabs, Kuti?
00:01:44Huh?
00:01:45Oh, that's hot.
00:01:46Hot.
00:01:47Oh, that's hot.
00:01:48Oh, that's hot.
00:01:49Oh, that's, that's actually hot!
00:01:52Ah!
00:01:53Ah!
00:01:54Ah!
00:01:55Ah!
00:02:17Oh, that's hot.
00:02:18Oh, that, oh, that's, that's actually.
00:02:20AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
00:02:50Smell that, Balzac?
00:03:05That is the aroma of higher education.
00:03:08The aroma of young minds absorbing knowledge.
00:03:12The aroma of...
00:03:13Ah, yes.
00:03:15The aroma of that, too.
00:03:16Let us make haste, my friend,
00:03:20to the fraternal house where my family name became legend.
00:03:24Come on.
00:03:24I want you never let us down.
00:03:27My voice will be moving.
00:03:29May driving on the wrong side of the road lead you down the right thought.
00:03:49Write that down, Van.
00:03:59My voice will be moving.
00:04:29Good afternoon.
00:04:30Hey, Beverly.
00:04:31Earl of Grey.
00:04:32How do you do?
00:04:33I do very well.
00:04:35Splendid.
00:04:36How may we help you?
00:04:37My name is Taj Mahal Barallandabad, your newest and proudest member.
00:04:41Fantastic.
00:04:42Fantastic.
00:04:43Come and meet the guys.
00:04:44Sure.
00:04:45Sure.
00:04:46This is incredible.
00:04:47The oldest and finest fraternal guild in all of England.
00:04:51You know, I've been dreaming of this day since I was a boy.
00:04:53Captain?
00:04:54Oh, thank you.
00:04:55Since my father, the leap, who was known by his fellow hounds as the Wombroom Badalandabad,
00:05:01would tell me stories about his time here during the swinging sixties.
00:05:08What?
00:05:09What?
00:05:10What?
00:05:11What?
00:05:12What?
00:05:13What?
00:05:14What?
00:05:15What place?
00:05:16Now, it has been enjoyable shagging all of you groom chicks, but the further spreading
00:05:24of my baby gravy will have to end.
00:05:29Good show.
00:05:30Good show.
00:05:31And we are equally excited to have you as one of our members.
00:05:33Welcome.
00:05:34Ladies, perhaps you could show Sir Wombroom the second to his new room.
00:05:38Our pleasure.
00:05:39Thank you, ladies.
00:05:43You know, something about you reminds me of you.
00:05:47Why?
00:05:48Mr. Badalandabad?
00:05:49Yes.
00:05:50Might I see your acceptance letter?
00:05:52Sure.
00:05:58You usually put them in the scrapbook or something?
00:06:00Oh.
00:06:01No, not usually.
00:06:02Hmm.
00:06:03Oh, dear.
00:06:04What's wrong?
00:06:05This is very awkward.
00:06:06There seems to be a terrible mistake.
00:06:09Typographical, you see.
00:06:11This letter is supposed to say that you've not been accepted.
00:06:14What?
00:06:15I'm very sorry.
00:06:16But...
00:06:17But please do pop in any time and say hello.
00:06:19Oh, no, but my father went here.
00:06:20I'm a legacy.
00:06:21But where else would you expect me to go?
00:06:23Well, I do see your quandary, old boy.
00:06:25I do know of one opportunity.
00:06:27But it's only eligible for dons.
00:06:29Perhaps they would consider a taj.
00:06:31Dons are what you Americans so eloquently call teaching assistants.
00:06:34Yes.
00:06:35Well, I am a teaching assistant.
00:06:37Yes.
00:06:38Here it is.
00:06:39What is it?
00:06:40You'd be a head of house of sorts for a very elite group of students in a dwelling called
00:06:44the barn.
00:06:45The barn?
00:06:46An architectural wonder.
00:06:47The barn?
00:06:48One of the oldest buildings on campus.
00:06:49Is it red?
00:06:50No.
00:06:51Good luck, then.
00:06:52Oh.
00:06:53You, too.
00:06:54Come on, one sec.
00:06:55Andale.
00:06:56Christ, he's got monkey nuts.
00:06:58Did you see his face?
00:06:59The barn.
00:07:00I do believe that was the best one yet.
00:07:01You were wonderful.
00:07:02That was a classic Pip.
00:07:03Brilliant.
00:07:04Don't you boys ever get tired of playing that same classed meaning joke?
00:07:19No.
00:07:20No.
00:07:21Another jolly good show.
00:07:23I must say, it is so much fun being me.
00:07:26Is that...
00:07:27Could someone please get me some tidy wipes?
00:07:32Fix me up, make me new again.
00:07:35Set it straight, show me all I could have been.
00:07:40Come on, get up, get on.
00:07:44Miles away from the human race.
00:07:50Got you feeling like I'm falling out of place.
00:07:56Come on, get up, get on.
00:08:01Ooh, yeah, but think about it.
00:08:05Think about it.
00:08:07Everything is all wrong, yeah.
00:08:10Come on, get up, get on.
00:08:14You've gotta give it all you've got to come on.
00:08:19Well, Balzac, as Mr. Van Wilder would say,
00:08:21it's not the building that matters, it's the people inside.
00:08:25What?
00:08:26Excuse me, I'm looking for the barn residence hall, the barn.
00:08:34Piss off.
00:08:35Pinheaded, squeaky looking bastard.
00:08:37Sorry for the intrusion, you hairy arse dipso paddy headbanger.
00:08:50Hey.
00:08:51You're speaking the local lingo right and proper.
00:08:53Hi.
00:08:54Hi, you look funny.
00:08:55I'm Gethin.
00:08:56Hi, Gethin.
00:08:57I'm Taj, your new resident advisor.
00:08:59Ooh.
00:09:00Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
00:09:01The house is such a mess.
00:09:02I feel so ashamed.
00:09:03Oh, please stop.
00:09:04Don't call me sir and don't be formal.
00:09:05This is a very informal setting.
00:09:06And gethin stand up straight.
00:09:07A man always looks more confident when he's erect.
00:09:08Now what's all this?
00:09:09Oh, I'm a dual major.
00:09:10Maths slash quantum physics.
00:09:11Ah.
00:09:12Following the tradition of the great Stephen Hawking, huh?
00:09:13Not exactly.
00:09:14Um.
00:09:15Numbers geeks don't have the hottest social life.
00:09:16So I did a sexual statistics compatibility survey with all the colleges in England.
00:09:21Camford came up with the highest nerd per willing chick probability ratio.
00:09:24The pursuit of the best.
00:09:25The pursuit of the best.
00:09:26The best.
00:09:27The best.
00:09:28The best.
00:09:29The best.
00:09:30The best.
00:09:31The best.
00:09:32The best.
00:09:33The best.
00:09:34The best.
00:09:35The best.
00:09:36The best.
00:09:37The best.
00:09:38The best.
00:09:39The best.
00:09:40The best.
00:09:41Nerd per willing chick probability ratio.
00:09:43The pursuit of the pink taco.
00:09:45Gethin, I think you and I are kindred spirits in the search for the vertical smile.
00:09:50The what, sir?
00:09:51The vertical smile.
00:09:52You know, the scrambled eggs between the legs.
00:09:54I don't know what that is.
00:09:55The sunny side up on the way to the butt.
00:09:57Say again?
00:09:58Hello.
00:09:59What's your name?
00:10:01Hello?
00:10:02Oh, Simon doesn't like to talk.
00:10:06Simon.
00:10:07It's a pleasure to meet you regardless.
00:10:09And I look forward to hearing from you when you have something that you would like to
00:10:12say.
00:10:13How about you, Balzac?
00:10:15Hey, buddy.
00:10:16Huh?
00:10:17Did you meet everybody?
00:10:18Hey.
00:10:19What's up with the mud?
00:10:20Looks like it's dragging a pair of soccer balls.
00:10:22He's a purebred English bulldog.
00:10:24Ha!
00:10:25It's English, is it?
00:10:26That's why it's such an ugly bastard.
00:10:27Hey.
00:10:28He can hear you.
00:10:29I don't care.
00:10:30Why do you have all that pent up aggression?
00:10:32I'm Irish.
00:10:33And the English have been given us to Sha for over 500 years and counting.
00:10:36Well, time out for a second.
00:10:37I'm Indian.
00:10:38And England invaded India in the 1700s and didn't leave until less than 60 years ago.
00:10:43Until then, we were just another one of its colonies, not unlike your Northern Ireland.
00:10:47Really?
00:10:48Yeah.
00:10:49That makes us brothers.
00:10:54Undead.
00:10:55So I assume those are real.
00:11:00You all right?
00:11:03I'm sorry.
00:11:04I laughed you in the face, mate.
00:11:05Fancy a sneaky quick one?
00:11:06No.
00:11:07No, no.
00:11:08I think you've given me enough sneaky quick ones for the day.
00:11:10Thank you, Seamus.
00:11:11Sadie, this is Taj Badal-Andabad, our new head of house.
00:11:14All right, me old mucker.
00:11:15Have a shake then.
00:11:16He ain't got a clap or nothing.
00:11:17What?
00:11:18She means handshake.
00:11:19Right.
00:11:20Of course.
00:11:21Of course.
00:11:22Hi.
00:11:23Sadie is a cockney.
00:11:24Takes time to understand her.
00:11:25Words fit in her mouth funny.
00:11:26Lucky words.
00:11:27You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?
00:11:28Yeah, it's all right.
00:11:29Blokes are a bit stuffy here, though.
00:11:30I mean, I never thought it would be so hard to find someone worth slurping the old pan
00:11:31handle.
00:11:32You know, giving a blowjob.
00:11:33Nothing like getting your tongue around a nice fat one, sliding it in and out, in and
00:11:46out, in and out, in and out, milking it like a cow until it explodes into the back
00:11:51of your mouth.
00:11:52I must have an amazing ear for dialects.
00:11:54I understood everything that she said perfectly.
00:11:56So, um, how long will you be staying with us before you move to a better house, then,
00:12:00Mr, uh, Badder Landerbag?
00:12:01Better on follow?
00:12:02Oh, it's all right, sir.
00:12:04We all know we're losers.
00:12:06Well, brown deer in this campus who are like crusty brown sheep dung off an old work
00:12:11booth.
00:12:12That's painting too pretty a picture, if you ask me.
00:12:14Hey!
00:12:15Time out, guys.
00:12:16You know, a few years ago, I was exactly where you guys were.
00:12:19Almost.
00:12:20Not really at all, actually.
00:12:23But look, the point is that there's potential, okay?
00:12:25There's potential here.
00:12:26That's what I see.
00:12:27You know, sometimes it just takes a while to cultivate one's own personal greatness.
00:12:31It's okay, sir.
00:12:32People always say nice things.
00:12:33And then they leave.
00:12:34Balzac, I don't think I'll succeed as the Sultan of Snatch in this place.
00:12:46All I wanted to do was spread a little Badder Landerbag butter on an English muffin.
00:12:53Well, then, what would you do?
00:12:56Well, then...
00:12:58oh, yeah...
00:13:02Oh, yeah, there's a lot.
00:13:03Oh, yeah, so...
00:13:04Oh!
00:13:05Oh!
00:13:06Oh!
00:13:07Oh!
00:13:08Oh!
00:13:09Oh!
00:13:10Oh!
00:13:12Oh!
00:13:13Oh!
00:13:15Oh!
00:13:17Oh!
00:13:18Oh!
00:13:19Oh!
00:13:25Huh?
00:13:26You have that long, don't you, Miss Lemoyne?
00:13:29I love you, dude.
00:13:31This Nevada likes it hard.
00:13:33Yes, came into the forest.
00:13:35Hey, well, will you take a look at this place?
00:13:37Hey, good morning, guys.
00:13:38Bloody hell, this must have cost a fortune.
00:13:40It's an investment.
00:13:42The coolest, most confident kids on campus are living here.
00:13:45Who's moving in?
00:13:46The new you, Gethan.
00:13:47The new all of you.
00:13:49And to celebrate, I got us an invitation to the campus-wide inaugural ball tonight.
00:13:53Black tie only. When should we leave?
00:13:56Oi! Where are you going?
00:13:58It's being tossed by that real chutney ferret and his chorus are Nancy Boys.
00:14:02Yeah, translation?
00:14:03Pip Everett is the Earl of Grey, 14 spots removed from the Queen herself.
00:14:07He also happens to be head of the Fox and Hounds who are sponsoring the ball.
00:14:10Yes, I've met Pip, and I really wouldn't be concerned.
00:14:13No, sir, you don't understand.
00:14:17Each one of us were invited into the Fox and Hounds,
00:14:19only to be told when we arrived that there'd been some sort of typographical error in our acceptance letters.
00:14:25Bloody Roy! Supposedly the bastards do it every year, just for their jollies!
00:14:29This happened to all of you.
00:14:32Well, you guys must be livid.
00:14:34No, it's pretty much the story of our lives.
00:14:37The story of your... I don't believe what I'm hearing.
00:14:39Those fox and hounds douchebags, those pubic hair-tooth flossers have no right to tell us what to do.
00:14:47We're going to show them...
00:14:48No.
00:14:50We're going to show ourselves that we can go wherever we want, whenever we want.
00:14:55Now we're going to this party, and we're going to look hot.
00:14:58This time I won't be wrong, I've got your second chance, and it won't be wrong, before you see us in.
00:15:11So, they're rich, powerful, and beautiful.
00:15:23Take away their good looks, their money, and their superior attitudes, and what do you have?
00:15:27Us?
00:15:29My point, Gethin, is that they're no better than us.
00:15:34Have some courage, guys.
00:15:36There's an old saying, jumping off a cliff only hurts if you forget how to fly.
00:15:40Excuse me, sir, I think the actual saying is that when...
00:15:42It doesn't matter what the actual saying is, Gethin, it's the intent.
00:15:46Stand up straight.
00:15:47Now, where's Simon?
00:15:49Oh, he said he'd be here when he was done fussing with his bow tie.
00:15:51All right.
00:15:52Well, go, guys, have fun.
00:15:54Go, my little sparrows.
00:16:03I was just...
00:16:04I was just...
00:16:05I was just...
00:16:06I was just...
00:16:07I was just...
00:16:08I was just...
00:16:09Would you like to dance?
00:16:28Would you like to dance?
00:16:30Would you like to dance?
00:16:31Would you like to dance?
00:16:32Whoa!
00:16:32I'd love to dance with you.
00:16:36So lean, so strong, so...
00:16:41Vera.
00:16:42Oh.
00:16:43Oh.
00:16:45Do you know, I'm not wearing any under...
00:16:50Lady Margrave, I believe Lord Margrave was looking for you over there.
00:16:54Oh, it is.
00:16:58Lady Margrave loves her sherry, I'm afraid.
00:17:01Well, you know, I've never been checked for a hernia on the dance floor before.
00:17:04I have to say, the old lady's tremor was actually mildly erotic.
00:17:10Would you like to dance?
00:17:13Uh, well, actually, I have a...
00:17:15A younger sister you could hook me up with instead.
00:17:17Why did I say that?
00:17:18I'm going to go slit my wrists in the corner painfully now.
00:17:21Wait, wait.
00:17:22Yes.
00:17:24Why not?
00:17:26Great.
00:17:31So, I've not seen you on campus before.
00:17:35Yes, I'm nude.
00:17:36Er, new.
00:17:36I'm a new graduate student.
00:17:39And how are you finding it?
00:17:40Great, actually.
00:17:41It's, er, it's fantastic.
00:17:42Everyone's really nice.
00:17:43Except for, er, this royal jackass named Pip.
00:17:47Pip?
00:17:47Yes, Pip Everett, the Earl of Grey.
00:17:50He's a world-class jerk.
00:17:52You didn't get on with him?
00:17:54No.
00:17:55You would detest him as well.
00:17:56I would imagine that only another bubble-headed snob could stand to be in his company for longer
00:17:59than it takes to suck down a tic-tac.
00:18:01Charlie, there you are.
00:18:02Oh, I see you've met Haj.
00:18:05Charlie.
00:18:06Or you can just call me the bubble-headed snob.
00:18:09Oh!
00:18:09So, how are things working out at the barn?
00:18:13Very well, actually.
00:18:14The residents are very special people.
00:18:17Special indeed.
00:18:17Take it back!
00:18:18See you, like Irish whiskey!
00:18:20Excuse me.
00:18:24Oh, go on.
00:18:25A little heavy snogging with your husband's all you've been wanting.
00:18:28I'd make it home.
00:18:29Right.
00:18:30You know what we ladies need, sweetie?
00:18:32A good poke in the low whiskers.
00:18:33Ah, yes, the lower whiskers.
00:18:35Right next to the Scottish Highlands, a favorite vacation spot.
00:18:37Excuse us.
00:18:38No, Taj, I was talking about her vagina.
00:18:41Yes.
00:18:44I would like to welcome everyone to the official opening of the competition for the Hastings Cup.
00:18:52Why do they call it a competition?
00:18:54The Hastings Cup.
00:18:55When we always win.
00:18:55It presents all that is best in a university.
00:19:00Camford's most gifted have competed for 600 years.
00:19:03And now it gives me great pleasure to introduce the winners of last year's competition, the foxes and the hounds.
00:19:12Thank you, sir.
00:19:20On behalf of my fellow members, I'd like to wish the other houses the best of luck on this year's competition.
00:19:26May the best lads win.
00:19:28Don't let that little Indian fellow put you down, Charlie.
00:19:39Is Ali worth putting a frown on your beautiful face?
00:19:42Why was he upset with you?
00:19:44Oh, I think he was rejected from the fox and hounds the other day.
00:19:47Poor bloke was devastated.
00:19:50You know, perhaps I'll have a word.
00:19:52Cheer him up.
00:19:52You're sweet.
00:19:56What part of being an owl, my dear?
00:19:59Constructive criticism.
00:20:00Seamus, we need to work on your anger management skills.
00:20:02Sadie, close your legs.
00:20:03We just need to figure out exactly how much you can drink.
00:20:05And Gethin...
00:20:08Oh, Gethin, sit up straight.
00:20:10Excuse me, Aragi.
00:20:11The name is Taj.
00:20:12I don't care.
00:20:13I just wanted to share a little tidbit with you.
00:20:15When my great-great-grandfather, Rupert Everett III, became the first governor of the Indian colony,
00:20:20he also took on a band of pet monkeys.
00:20:22But he used to keep his outside.
00:20:24There's the door.
00:20:25Please make sure it hits all of you on the way out.
00:20:28Oh, Poop, it's Pip.
00:20:29I know.
00:20:30A friend of mine used to say that if you can't join them, beat them.
00:20:34You might want to write that down.
00:20:35Hey, ladies and gentlemen.
00:20:58Uh, I am Taj Mahal Badalandabad.
00:21:01What the hell is he doing?
00:21:02Holy crap, he's completely mad.
00:21:04And in the spirit of the inaugural ball,
00:21:06I would like to announce the formation of a new fraternal house,
00:21:09commencing now.
00:21:11Ladies and gentlemen,
00:21:12please get your first look at the smart, the sexy,
00:21:16the very literal-minded,
00:21:18wearing black-tie-only cock-and-bulls.
00:21:28We'll never be able to show our faces again.
00:21:38With a laughing stock of the old bloody school.
00:21:40To hell with a lot of them.
00:21:41What is with the lack of self-image?
00:21:44You know, we have the potential to be the best house on this campus,
00:21:47and I would go so far as to say that we could even win the Hastings Cup this year.
00:21:50How the hell could we win the cup?
00:21:52Seamus, winning the cup is based on accumulating points
00:21:55in academics, athletics and social services.
00:21:57Now, Gethin here excels-
00:21:59Hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:22:00I'm a banged-up rugby player.
00:22:01She's a sausage jockey for the price of a pint.
00:22:03Oi! And dinner?
00:22:04And he's got the bleeding personality of a toaster oven.
00:22:07So you've decided to accept defeat before you've even tried, huh?
00:22:10What if Columbus had done that just because of a bout with seasickness?
00:22:14Or if Babe Ruth had decided to walk off after his first rookie season
00:22:18just because of a little syphilis?
00:22:20Or what if Ravi Shankar had decided to give up the sitar
00:22:23just because he knew he'd be able to get a lot more choch playing the guitar?
00:22:26You guys, society has always stifled those with great minds.
00:22:32I believe in you.
00:22:35And you should too.
00:22:37Now, to the cock and bulls.
00:22:44I said, to the cock and bulls.
00:22:48To the cock and bulls.
00:22:50To the cock and bulls.
00:22:51To the cock and bulls.
00:22:52To the cock and bulls.
00:22:53To the cock and bulls.
00:22:54To the cock and bulls.
00:22:55To the cock and bulls.
00:22:56Why do you insist on manipulating the table like that with the fist of a dime?
00:23:05Morning. Morning.
00:23:07You know, I was rather wonderful last night, wasn't I?
00:23:12I was here too, you know.
00:23:14No, not the sex city. I was talking about our dinner with Lord Wrightwood.
00:23:18How do you think it went?
00:23:19Well, you fawned over his every word.
00:23:22I have expected you to get up from the table and kiss his arse.
00:23:25I thought it went well too.
00:23:26Now, after graduation, I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige me with a recommendation for a diplomatic position.
00:23:31Pip, class isn't for an hour. I've come back to bed for a bit.
00:23:34Well, I haven't done my exercises yet, and I have to exfoliate.
00:23:38I'm going to put a glow on your teeth.
00:23:40Charlie, hello. We did it last night.
00:23:43Wednesday, our night.
00:23:48I don't understand why we have to have a night.
00:23:52Why can't we just do it whenever we feel like it?
00:23:54Because we're British and we control ourselves.
00:23:56Charlie, I have a busy schedule, and I'd rather not tell people I have no energy,
00:23:59because I was a fornicating all night.
00:24:02Now, which shirt do you like better?
00:24:05Merve or turquoise?
00:24:06I like the mauve.
00:24:07It is difficult with my jawline.
00:24:09We have this day given order to our Chancellor of the United Kingdom and our Chancellor of Ireland
00:24:20that they do, respectively, upon notice hereof, for with issues are writ effective immediately
00:24:27that pigs and chickens will no longer be tolerated in the House of Commons.
00:24:32Would anyone like to comment on the House of the Lord's Journal, Volume 64, August 1832?
00:24:43Yeah, me neither.
00:24:45God, this is boring!
00:24:46Everybody rip out page 32.
00:24:55Sir?
00:24:56You heard me.
00:24:57Everybody rip out page 32.
00:25:00You've seen Dead Poets Society.
00:25:01Rip out page 32.
00:25:03Come on!
00:25:04If you don't rip out page 32, I'll fail all of you.
00:25:07Yes!
00:25:07These things are so old, they're petrified.
00:25:14You know what?
00:25:14Just throw the whole damn thing out the window.
00:25:16Here, here, here.
00:25:17I think he's plum sauce, the ace.
00:25:20Sir, I don't think throwing books out is such a good idea.
00:25:24Yes, there you go, Seamus.
00:25:26See, everybody do that and send these books back to the 1800s where they belong.
00:25:29Nice, Papa Bushnell!
00:25:31Come on, Gethin.
00:25:41No, I can't.
00:25:42Haven't you ever heard the expression, in with the old, out with the new?
00:25:45Yes, sir, but I think the actual expression is...
00:25:47Oh, it doesn't matter what the actual expression is, Gethin!
00:25:50Why are you thinking when you should be throwing?
00:25:53Ejaculate your book.
00:25:54Yeah, go on, Gethy.
00:25:55Let her rip.
00:25:56Give her a troll, I mean.
00:25:57Come on, Gethin.
00:25:58Expunge 20 years of oppression out the window.
00:26:12Mr. Badlandabad, might I see you out in the hall?
00:26:17Certainly.
00:26:20Excuse me, class.
00:26:21Why don't you all read Chapter 2 while I'm gone?
00:26:26But we haven't got any books.
00:26:28Have you gone completely and utterly mad?
00:26:33I don't know how you did things at Coolidge College.
00:26:35Ah, you've been checking on me.
00:26:36Yes, and frankly, I'm concerned.
00:26:37And as your supervisor, it's my job to make sure that those...
00:26:40Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:26:41You're my supervisor?
00:26:43Well, let me just say then that I am so enthused to be under you.
00:26:47Ah, what I mean is that I'm extremely hard.
00:26:51Ha, hard-pressed to...
00:26:53Mr. Badlandabad, it really doesn't even matter what you think of me or of the textbooks.
00:26:58Because if you wish to receive your doctorate from this university, you'll have to follow the rules.
00:27:01Set forth by...
00:27:02By men who what?
00:27:03Who wore funny boxer shorts and garter belts and died decades ago?
00:27:08Who never saw a man walk on the moon?
00:27:10Or listened to Lil' Kim on an MP3 player?
00:27:13Or watched muff-to-muff triple penetration cooch-munching on the...
00:27:15What does that have to do with anything?
00:27:17Okay, okay, maybe that was a bit much.
00:27:18I'm sorry.
00:27:18But my point, Miss Higginson, is that there is more than one way to skin a mongoose.
00:27:24History can be about so much more than random dates and ancient artifacts.
00:27:27It can teach us about ourselves, about our flaws, our hopes, even our dreams.
00:27:32And all I'm saying, Mr. Badlandabad, is that at this university, there's only one way to skin a mongoose.
00:27:39And it's my way.
00:27:41Good day.
00:27:42Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the opening event of seven competitions between our fine fraternal houses for the Hastings Cup.
00:28:02They're bleeding huge.
00:28:05Guys, come on, it's badminton.
00:28:07The game is played with a limp wrist.
00:28:08How hard could it be?
00:28:12Yes.
00:28:15Simon?
00:28:17You were saying?
00:28:20Ha-ha!
00:28:21Ha-ha!
00:28:23Ha-ha!
00:28:24Fuck it!
00:28:31Ha-ha!
00:28:32Ha-ha!
00:28:33Ha-ha!
00:28:34Ha-ha!
00:28:35Ha-ha!
00:28:36Ha!
00:28:37Ha-ha!
00:28:38Ha!
00:28:39Ha!
00:28:40Ha!
00:28:41Ha!
00:28:42Ha!
00:28:43Ha-ha!
00:28:44Ha-ha!
00:28:44.
00:28:48OK.
00:28:49It is probably the saving to assume that we will probably not emerge victorious from this
00:28:53match.
00:28:55However, it's very important that we maintain our dignities.
00:28:58Get it!
00:28:58Just get the serve in.
00:28:59Ha!
00:29:00I have an idea.
00:29:02See?
00:29:03It was not so bad.
00:29:33Okay, it was so bad, but why are you refusing to look on the bright side?
00:29:37Oh, we're going to bleed the dead of eternal injuries?
00:29:39No, we have made an impression.
00:29:41I mean, would you rather be miserable and known or miserable and anonymous?
00:29:45Anonymous.
00:29:46Sir, I think we were fooling ourselves to believe we had even the tiniest chance of winning this.
00:29:50We're on the board. We're actually on the board.
00:29:52Yeah, but it doesn't mean anything.
00:29:54Everybody gets a point for entering. We're still 499 points away.
00:29:58Okay, Captain Optimistic, you are wrong.
00:30:00This is a beginning.
00:30:01Oh, by the by, just because you're all making a spectacle of yourselves
00:30:06doesn't mean you're not still invisible to the rest of us.
00:30:09Well, that's great, Pip, because it's very difficult to beat something that you cannot see.
00:30:15Beat you? You and your sorry lot aren't even worth spitting on.
00:30:19Diarrhea face.
00:30:20Sorry, what did you just call me?
00:30:21What?
00:30:21No, no, no, you definitely said something.
00:30:22No, I didn't say anything.
00:30:23What was it?
00:30:24No, I didn't...
00:30:24You called me diarrhea face.
00:30:25Really, did I?
00:30:26No, I didn't say anything.
00:30:30Seamus, there's a time and place to kill people.
00:30:33Yesterday was the wrong time, and today is the right place.
00:30:36And here, you can win points towards the Hastings Cup.
00:30:40Say, uh, coach, need another player?
00:30:43This guy?
00:30:44No way.
00:30:44oh really that's one way to do it welcome ladies and gentlemen I'm sure our
00:30:55palates were titillated from the last election but I have an even finer
00:30:58vintage to present to you now I must hand it to Charlotte you've done an
00:31:02excellent job with the TAs thank you Provost it's always been my theory that
00:31:08as long as you're clear with your rules and expectations people generally will
00:31:12for him excuse me one moment sorry the next cognac you'll be tasting is from a
00:31:211793 of France a front a fine vintage as I was saying so despite all their money
00:31:33all those statues are actually completely worthless what is going on field trip
00:31:37we're observing the double-breasted blue-blooded snot your bird watching no
00:31:41no no we're observing the behavior of British aristocracy now BRB I told you
00:31:49to stick to the assigned curriculum yes and as I explained to you the assigned
00:31:52curriculum was something I felt very strongly about which is why I propose a
00:31:55challenge pardon me a challenge you see I believe that my students academic
00:32:01achievements are better enhanced through a series of field trips oh you do do you
00:32:05yes and given the fact that we have a philosophical difference in our teaching
00:32:09methods I suggest that we settle our disputes through a challenge of some
00:32:13sort that way if I win I can continue as planned and if you know there will be no
00:32:18challenges this isn't a great school playground mr. bad land about if you
00:32:22wish to receive your doctorate from this university you'll have to follow the
00:32:26assigned curriculum good night I figured you might be scared the last thing I am in
00:32:33this world is scared of you I accept your challenge which means I get to choose
00:32:39the weapons great the weapons
00:32:45Charlotte is it just me or do these absurd paintings bear a striking resemblance to
00:32:49your absurd boyfriend we are in Everett Hall Everett Hall oh please tell me it's
00:32:58earl of great tea contained in this the ashes of six generations of Everett's are
00:33:02contained here well when it's Pip's turn they're going to have to build a new
00:33:05hall just to contain his ego should we begin
00:33:09begin yes let's begin
00:33:14not bad miss Higginson but you should know that I extensively studied fencing at
00:33:22the university university fencing champion twice in a row I was planning on
00:33:31showing you some mercy but what the hell was that was the Rathburn my fencing
00:33:51teacher taught it to me he's quite a good swordsman oh yes I've had a few ladies
00:33:55tell me that myself Miss Higginson have you ever seen the movies Otto I have six times
00:34:11nine times
00:34:16count yourself lucky the only thing you lost real pants it's a shame Miss
00:34:33Higginson you would have enjoyed the trip I'll be on that field trip will you
00:34:38that way when I have you replaced I'll be able to explain my reason
00:34:46on the right is the famous Tower of London where Queen Elizabeth the first
00:34:57imprisoned her explorer boyfriend Sir Walter Raleigh after he was found doing
00:35:03the freaky deaky with one of her ladies in waiting presently people line up
00:35:07outside the tower to see the crown jewels which were stolen during the brutal
00:35:12British occupation of the crown jewels are actually quite magnificent
00:35:15I don't think everyone's ever waited an hour and a half online to see mine
00:35:19actually there was that one time at goalie
00:35:31now this is the area where Charles Dickens used to observe the injustices of
00:35:37London's class system was the best of times it was the worst of times write that
00:35:42this is the new national anthem we will all stand on God to let you be heard on the left in
00:36:00Trafalgar Square is a statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson Britain's most famous war hero Nelson lost an arm an eye an ear and a leg in various battles
00:36:03towards the end the poor guy was nothing more than a broomstick with the future of the admiral's hat on
00:36:10this is the time this is the time this is the time
00:36:13oh Lord before I get stoned now baby's staring at me
00:36:18now baby's staring at me
00:36:21next is the time this is the time this is the time this is the time this is the time
00:36:25oh Lord before I get stoned now baby's staring at me
00:36:29now baby's staring at me
00:36:32Hi, is this thing taken?
00:36:34What do I do?
00:36:36Open your cake hole, you bleeding idiot, and tell her how you feel.
00:36:39Um...
00:36:42You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.
00:36:46And I'd give two years' tuition to sleep with you.
00:36:49That's being a bit too honest, mate.
00:36:51You're sweet. You're like a horny little care bear.
00:36:55Okay. I think.
00:37:02You'll shine.
00:37:09What's so special about this place?
00:37:11The best fish and chips in all of London. Come on.
00:37:14And then Winnie looked up, gazed at me over his glasses and said,
00:37:19I see you're adept at running numbers,
00:37:23but how good are you at cracking coals?
00:37:27And that, children, is how I saved England.
00:37:31Wait a minute. Winnie? You?
00:37:34You knew Winston Churchill?
00:37:36Well, I'm not talking about Winnie the Bleeding Pooh.
00:37:40Am I?
00:37:42Jackie?
00:37:44Where's that pint?
00:37:46I owe you an apology.
00:37:48I completely underestimated you. You're a wonderful teacher.
00:37:52So take it you had fun today.
00:37:54Are you kidding me? I had a ball.
00:37:56Oh, my God. The ball.
00:38:00The House of Lords is still debating the proposal on the West End Theatre project,
00:38:04but I think that we have to come together on this to find a viable way and move forward.
00:38:09Bloody bastard!
00:38:11Okay, just one man's opinion.
00:38:15Oh, not you, Lord Rightwood. My apologies.
00:38:19Um, please excuse me.
00:38:21Oh, my God. I didn't even know that.
00:38:23What the hell is he doing here?
00:38:25Uh, Taj is a friend and guest, Pip.
00:38:28And I'd appreciate you making him feel part of this evening.
00:38:31You know, Charles, you're right.
00:38:34All right.
00:38:35I didn't mean to be rude.
00:38:36Thanks, Pip.
00:38:37And the fire that breaks from thee, then, a billion times lovelier, more dangerous.
00:38:46Ooh, my Chevalier.
00:38:49No wonder of it.
00:38:51Shine and blue bleak embers, my dear, fall, gall themselves, and gash gold for millions.
00:39:05Thank you, Sir Wilfred. That was a real treat.
00:39:15Now, as is tradition in the literary ball, I'd like to call on a member of our visiting faculty
00:39:21to share with us his favourite British poet.
00:39:26Taj Badalandabad.
00:39:30To the podium, please.
00:39:35Pip, this certainly comes as a surprise.
00:39:41I think that it's important a visiting foreign instructor like Mr. Badalandabad
00:39:46have an appreciation for the heritage and culture with which he hopes to teach.
00:39:50Have fun, Raji.
00:40:01Um.
00:40:02There's a lady who is sure that all that glitters is gold because she's buying a stairway in Hempstead.
00:40:19Now, she can't get no satisfaction.
00:40:23No.
00:40:24No, no, no, no.
00:40:25No, she can't get no satisfaction.
00:40:26None at all.
00:40:27Even, even when she's driving in her smart car or, uh, listening on the radio, or even when
00:40:36she's pleading with Roxanne to turn on the red light.
00:40:39Damn it, Roxanne, turn on that red light or Maxwell's silver hammer will come smashing
00:40:44down upon your head.
00:40:46Turn on that red light, you bitch, Roxanne, or we'll all end up in a big white house with
00:40:51black curtains at the station.
00:40:53Or would you rather live along the watchtower?
00:40:56No.
00:40:57Then turn on the red light, Roxanne, or I'll have my 19th nervous breakdown for real.
00:41:03It's the real thing.
00:41:05It's even better than the real thing.
00:41:08I really want you all to want me.
00:41:12I really want to take all of you higher.
00:41:16Trust me.
00:41:18Do I look like an American idiot to you?
00:41:23No.
00:41:26Which is why I wish you all the time of your life.
00:41:38Thanks.
00:41:45Very good show.
00:41:49You liked it.
00:41:50Absolutely.
00:41:51That young man's presentation strung together the words of the poets of the street.
00:41:55Not unlike the American rapper Eminem, whom I rather dig.
00:42:04You know, I love the British Limerick as well.
00:42:06In fact, I read one at Kensington Station just last week.
00:42:09Tell me if you know it.
00:42:10There once was a woman from Heath who circumcised men with her teeth.
00:42:15Taj!
00:42:17I'd like you to meet my parents, Martha and Richard.
00:42:20And, of course, you know Sir Wilfred.
00:42:22Well, hello.
00:42:23It's a pleasure to meet both of you.
00:42:24I can certainly see where Charlotte gets her, um, sense of seriousness from.
00:42:33You put on a very impressive exhibition tonight, young man.
00:42:35You should be congratulated.
00:42:36Thank you very much.
00:42:37I actually owe it all to my good friend Pip here, who encouraged when others would have discouraged.
00:42:42Thanks, Pip.
00:42:43Young man, I want you to have a drink of him.
00:42:46Sure.
00:42:47Excuse me.
00:42:49He's quite clever, isn't he?
00:42:51I think I need a drink myself.
00:42:53Uh, Martha, would you care to join me?
00:42:54Yes.
00:42:55This, uh, Raj fellow.
00:42:59Taj.
00:43:00His name's Taj.
00:43:01Now, Taj, then.
00:43:02I believe he's been creating quite a scuttlebutt at school as well.
00:43:06Oh, he just has an original way of doing things.
00:43:09Charles, you're more than old enough to make your own friends, but it would be a pity to jeopardize your relationship with Pip.
00:43:14The Everetts are a very important family.
00:43:17Yes, I know, Daddy.
00:43:19Pip's reminded me many times.
00:43:21All I'm saying is, it's not every girl that gets the opportunity to become the wife of an Earl.
00:43:27I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
00:43:43Sir, are you sure we get points for this?
00:43:4575 get them. Winner take all.
00:43:57I've run a few numbers, sir.
00:43:58Their big gut intake is almost incalculably large.
00:44:01Come on!
00:44:02It's just big.
00:44:03Get them.
00:44:04There are forces of nature at work here.
00:44:09They're not staring at her tins, sir.
00:44:23They've actually moved up in the standings.
00:44:25Do you think there's cause for concern?
00:44:26Hmm.
00:44:27You're that lost.
00:44:28The only things we've got to worry about are communicable diseases and fashion faux pas.
00:44:32I mean, really.
00:44:34In his dashing exploits at the Battle of Cape St. Vincent, and in his brilliant victory at the Battle of Trafalgar,
00:44:40Lord Nelson clearly proved himself to be Britain's greatest naval hero.
00:44:44He wrote to Lady Emma Hamilton.
00:44:46I have always been 15 minutes ahead of my time, and it has made a man of me.
00:44:51Now, who here thinks that Lord Nelson was a bit reckless during the Battle of...
00:44:56Cock and Moses, your soul my soul. Cock and Moses in the house we rocked!
00:45:07Cock and Moses in the house we rocked!
00:45:08Cock and Moses in the house we rocked!
00:45:11As I was saying, who here thinks that Nelson took too many chances for you?
00:45:13We hereby challenge you to reenactment of the Battle of Agincourt.
00:45:15I challenge you to a reenactment of the Battle of Agincourt.
00:45:18We, naturally, will be the English,
00:45:20whereas you, mangy vermin, will be the French.
00:45:23What say you?
00:45:26Mr. Badalandabad, if you will insist on bursting into my class unannounced,
00:45:29then I think you should prepare to...
00:45:30No, we just wanted to have some fun.
00:45:32I really think you should prepare...
00:45:35to get your ass kicked.
00:45:45What are you doing?
00:45:52What?
00:46:06Listen! Look, listen!
00:46:07Listen!
00:46:08Listen!
00:46:09Listen!
00:46:10Listen!
00:46:11What are you doing?
00:46:12Wait, don't shoot.
00:46:19You big strapping blokes wouldn't help me find my gun in all this muck, would you?
00:46:26Oh, look, here it is.
00:46:28Ha!
00:46:28So long, misfit.
00:46:44Penny, I just bought these.
00:46:47Sorry, Lexi, finger must have slipped.
00:46:56Hey!
00:46:57Huh?
00:47:07Aha!
00:47:08Ah!
00:47:09Whoa!
00:47:10Oh, ow!
00:47:11Ow!
00:47:12Oh, ow!
00:47:13Oh, ow!
00:47:14Oh, ow!
00:47:15Oh, ow!
00:47:25You know, I'm sorry about Pip's behavior last night.
00:47:27He doesn't mean anything by it, he just doesn't know any better.
00:47:30Well, either that or he does know better and he just doesn't care.
00:47:33No, Taj, you don't understand.
00:47:35Pip comes from a very important family.
00:47:38One of the most powerful in England and sometimes you just have to overlook the...
00:47:42Do you know what?
00:47:45I sound just like my father.
00:47:47Sorry.
00:47:48It's all right.
00:47:49Look, aside from, uh, forgiving all of Pip's awful faults, what, uh, what exactly would
00:47:55you like to do for the rest of your life?
00:47:58Oh, you'd laugh.
00:47:59No, I won't.
00:48:00It's absurd, really.
00:48:02I'd be one of the world's foremost archaeologists.
00:48:06Traveling the world in search of ancient antiquities.
00:48:09That sounds fascinating.
00:48:13It's not that easy.
00:48:15My parents have certain expectations of me and archaeology certainly isn't one of them.
00:48:19As my mother says, the future wife of an earl doesn't get on her hands and knees.
00:48:24Not with the rings on, anyway.
00:48:26How about you?
00:48:28What else would you like to do with your life?
00:48:32I want to be right here.
00:48:33The university is all the better for having you.
00:48:39And your students absolutely love you.
00:48:40No, no, I don't mean the university.
00:48:44I mean...
00:48:46Just be here.
00:48:50What I'm trying to say...
00:48:52Is that I feel...
00:48:54I...
00:48:55Feel...
00:48:58My balls!
00:49:03What in God's name have you been doing?
00:49:04We've been re-enacting the Battle of Agincourt. It's fantastic.
00:49:05You did what?
00:49:07I can't talk now.
00:49:09I'll call you later.
00:49:11Hey!
00:49:12Wait up!
00:49:14They've been spending an awful lot of time together.
00:49:16You don't suppose that she and he are...
00:49:19Oh, God, no.
00:49:20Not nice.
00:49:22I'm not.
00:49:24I'm not.
00:49:25I'm not.
00:49:26I'm not.
00:49:27I'm not.
00:49:28I'm not.
00:49:29I'm not.
00:49:30I'm not.
00:49:31I'm not.
00:49:32Oh, God, no.
00:49:33Not my Charlie.
00:49:34No, I'm afraid the poor old dear has a soft spot for that curry-breathing cretin
00:49:38and his band of mutants, micks and hauls.
00:49:41You always see the best in people.
00:49:43You know what they say.
00:49:44Lords have mercy.
00:49:46Welcome, everyone, to the Mastermind Challenge.
00:49:54The team that wins the challenge gets 50 points towards the Hastings Cup.
00:49:57Please wait until the question has been completed.
00:49:59Percy stole the answers, but don't make it too obvious.
00:50:03Question number one.
00:50:04Please finish the following Churchill quote.
00:50:06Let it's roll.
00:50:07Let it's roll on full flood.
00:50:09That would be...
00:50:10Inexorable, irresistible, benignant to broader lands and better days.
00:50:14Point, cock and bulls.
00:50:15How many members of the Beatles have been knighted by the Queen?
00:50:18I think that would be...
00:50:19Only one.
00:50:20Sir Paul McCartney.
00:50:21Point, cock and bulls.
00:50:22Never mind.
00:50:23Make it obvious.
00:50:24Who is the inventor of the device known as the microscope?
00:50:25Anton von Lievenhoek.
00:50:26Point, cock and bulls.
00:50:27Point, cock and bulls.
00:50:28Who is the captain of the last English team to win the World Cup?
00:50:30Bobby Moore.
00:50:31Point, cock and bulls.
00:50:32Bobby Moore.
00:50:33Point, cock and bulls.
00:50:34In what Shakespearean plays the ghosts appear?
00:50:35Julius Caesar, Richard III, Hamlet and Malbec.
00:50:36In what year was the Suez Canal inauguration?
00:50:371869.
00:50:38Point, cock and bulls.
00:50:39What was the name of the island?
00:50:40The Galapagos Islands.
00:50:41What's the scientific name?
00:50:42Sodium chloride.
00:50:43What is the...
00:50:44The flux capacitor.
00:50:45Would you say something?
00:50:46Just anything.
00:50:47How many of the...
00:50:4815.
00:50:4917.
00:50:50Point, cock and bulls.
00:50:51What?
00:50:52In biology.
00:50:53A gerbil.
00:50:54Which gonorrhea.
00:50:55Who?
00:50:56William Shatner.
00:50:57Nikolai Chauchescu.
00:50:58Tell me.
00:50:59George Lazenby.
00:51:00Point, cock and bulls.
00:51:01A large dog.
00:51:02Point, cock and bulls.
00:51:03Modus operandi.
00:51:04Point, cock and bulls.
00:51:05You know this guy's really good.
00:51:06You know this guy's really good.
00:51:08You know this guy's really good.
00:51:10You know this guy's really good.
00:51:11The Battle of Trafalgar.
00:51:12Pocket Rocky.
00:51:13Fats Domino.
00:51:14More commonly known as diarrhea.
00:51:15Point, cock and bulls.
00:51:22A cock and bulls win the Mastermind challenge!
00:51:25That's what you're a school for.
00:51:28A queen is a real boy.
00:51:30You can't call me crazy.
00:51:32I know that she creates me.
00:51:34That's what I've ever schooled for.
00:51:36A queen is a real boy.
00:51:39With a fast aplenty
00:51:41But I miss my ..
00:51:43That's what I go to school for.
00:51:48That's what I go to school for
00:51:51In a stunning upset on the rugby field yesterday,
00:51:54the Cock and Bulls defeated Hampshire House
00:51:56to win the match in final seconds of the game
00:52:00thanks to a stellar athletic performance by Seamus O'Doul.
00:52:04Don't worry, ladies.
00:52:05I still have another stellar athletic performance,
00:52:07or two, still left in me.
00:52:09I've just met the most spectacular bloke.
00:52:11He didn't look at my tits once.
00:52:15Oh, maybe he's a trouser pilot.
00:52:18What if he don't fancy girls?
00:52:19Bet your fiver he wishes you had a cock.
00:52:22Oh, piss off, Bushmeal.
00:52:23Targie, I'm nervous.
00:52:25You know, I like this bloke.
00:52:27He's classy.
00:52:28The kind of guy would be going out the proper lady.
00:52:30I just don't think it'd work between me and him.
00:52:32Sadie, if you think that this is a guy
00:52:34who's worth getting to know,
00:52:35then by all means get to know him.
00:52:36Ah, money and position make no difference
00:52:39when it comes to matters of the heart.
00:52:42Do you guys really believe that?
00:52:44Absolutely.
00:52:44Yeah.
00:52:45Yeah.
00:52:48Pip, the Cock and Bulls did very well
00:52:53on the rugby field the other day.
00:52:55If they win the dog show on Saturday,
00:52:57we could be in real trouble.
00:52:58Roger,
00:52:59sometimes the Almighty,
00:53:00in his infinite wisdom,
00:53:01likes to give a sliver of hope
00:53:03to the downtrodden and underprivileged
00:53:05to make up for their inferior haircuts
00:53:07and the fact they have the winter and summer
00:53:08in the same place.
00:53:11The Cock and Bulls are entering a mongrel beast,
00:53:13and we're entering Chauncey Avalon Renaissance,
00:53:17a direct bloodline to the legendary Zurich von Edelweiss.
00:53:20You're right.
00:53:21We can't lose.
00:53:22No, we can't.
00:53:24Particularly since I prepared some extra insurers.
00:53:28Ding dong!
00:53:33My ancestors did not create the Hastings Cup
00:53:36so that rejects like the Cock and Bulls
00:53:38could make a mockery out of it.
00:53:40Bon appétit, Balzac,
00:53:40and Bon Voyage, Losers.
00:53:43Maxi-rob.
00:53:44Enlarge and Manhammer.
00:53:46Where did you get this stuff?
00:53:47Hmm?
00:53:49Oh, I accidentally took it from my father's travelling kit.
00:53:51But it says Pip Everett Jr. on the description.
00:53:53It's a typhoon.
00:53:53On all three bottles.
00:53:54Oh, shut up.
00:53:55Oh, shut up.
00:54:25Hey.
00:54:31How many times have I told you never to take food from strangers, huh?
00:54:37Lads, tomorrow's dog show will go down as one for the ages.
00:54:42To victory tomorrow
00:54:43and the Hastings Cup.
00:54:47Hey, Chauncey.
00:54:49Cheers!
00:54:49Here you go.
00:54:50Sorry, buddy.
00:54:55Cheers!
00:54:56Cheers!
00:54:57Cheers!
00:54:58Cheers!
00:54:59Cheers!
00:55:00Cheers!
00:55:01Cheers!
00:55:02Cheers!
00:55:03Cheers!
00:55:04Cheers!
00:55:05Cheers!
00:55:06Cheers!
00:55:07Cheers!
00:55:08Cheers!
00:55:09Cheers!
00:55:10Cheers!
00:55:11Cheers!
00:55:12Cheers!
00:55:13Cheers!
00:55:14Cheers!
00:55:15Cheers!
00:55:16Cheers!
00:55:17Cheers!
00:55:18Cheers!
00:55:19Cheers!
00:55:20Cheers!
00:55:21Cheers!
00:55:22Cheers!
00:55:23Hey, how you doing, buddy?
00:55:32Huh? You ready to go?
00:55:34You doing all right?
00:55:35Huh? You ready to kick some tail?
00:55:38Yeah, I think you are.
00:55:39Good luck today.
00:55:41Oh, thank you. Have a good show.
00:55:43Oh, we shall.
00:55:45I'm looking forward to some stiff competition out there.
00:55:49I'm sure you are, Poop.
00:55:50Pip, honest mistake.
00:55:51Mary of this.
00:55:53What? What did I just say, Poop?
00:55:55What did I just say, buddy?
00:55:57Bidjul Caronta and his dachshund, Fritz.
00:56:10Strong jawline.
00:56:12Extended chest.
00:56:13Good, firm buttocks.
00:56:15Reminds me of a young Susan Sarandon.
00:56:18Taj!
00:56:19Bedlet!
00:56:20Ah!
00:56:21Showtime.
00:56:23Bedlet!
00:56:23Bedlet!
00:56:24Bedlet!
00:56:24Bedlet!
00:56:25Bedlet!
00:56:25Bedlet!
00:56:26And his pool dog, Balzac.
00:56:29That's strange.
00:56:49Doesn't seem to be working.
00:56:52Maybe the pills went bad.
00:56:54Well, they went fine last Saturday.
00:56:56My father happened to mention.
00:57:02My God!
00:57:04This animal is magnificent!
00:57:07It was a piece of cake.
00:57:15Oh, I really hope it isn't too hard on you.
00:57:20Tony, I wish I had a passion for you.
00:57:22Good luck to theishops.
00:57:24I've got to see you, Ray.
00:57:25I've got to see you, Ray.
00:57:27I've got to see you.
00:57:28I'm ready, Ray.
00:57:39There you go.
00:57:39TORTSY
00:57:49COME!
00:57:58TORTSY!
00:58:01TORTSY!
00:58:04TORTSY
00:58:06Joltee!
00:58:08Joltee!
00:58:10Come!
00:58:12Joltee!
00:58:14Come!
00:58:16Joltee!
00:58:18Come!
00:58:20Joltee!
00:58:22Joltee!
00:58:24What's he doing? Trust me!
00:58:26Joltee! I said come!
00:58:32Could someone please get her a tidy wipe?
00:58:36How dare that third-world cow-loving social reject humiliate me?
00:58:40And how could Charlotte be so endlessly amused by him?
00:58:43And your sister, your sister, carrying on with that repugnant troll friend of his?
00:58:47World's gone mad, I tell you. Our very way of life is being threatened,
00:58:50and I, for one, will not allow it to continue.
00:58:53Pip, perhaps we could find a better usage for your sword.
00:58:58Alessandra, you're quite sure your sister isn't joining the cock and bull's party?
00:59:01Yes. Penelope ran to Mum and Dad's for the night.
00:59:04And you and Penelope are an identical match.
00:59:06Well, one of us has a birthmark. Would you like to see it?
00:59:10If the rabble insists on being crushed into oblivion, so be it.
00:59:14Alexandra, I'm going to need your help.
00:59:16Chauncey, do shut up.
00:59:19Pills will wear off soon enough.
00:59:21Alexandra, why are you just sitting there?
00:59:23I thought you said you wanted to play with my sword.
00:59:25Oh, right, yeah.
00:59:26Sorry.
00:59:27Let's party!
00:59:28Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:59:29Now you got to freak me out.
00:59:30Scream so loud.
00:59:31Getting fucking laid.
00:59:32You want me to stay.
00:59:33But I got to make my way.
00:59:34Hey!
00:59:35Hey!
00:59:36Hey!
00:59:37Hey!
00:59:38Hey!
00:59:39Hey!
00:59:40Hey!
00:59:41Hey!
00:59:42Hey!
00:59:43Hey!
00:59:44Hey!
00:59:45Hey!
00:59:46Hey!
00:59:47Hey!
00:59:48Hey!
00:59:49Hey!
00:59:50Hey!
00:59:51Hey!
00:59:52Hey!
00:59:53Hey!
00:59:54Hey!
00:59:55Hey!
00:59:56Hey!
00:59:57You're crazy bitch, but you fucked so good, I'm on top of it.
01:00:00When I dream, I'm doing you all-now.
01:00:03Step you down to tell my back to keep her upper hand.
01:00:06Hey, hey!
01:00:07You're crazy bitch, but you fucked so good, I'm on top of it.
01:00:09Can I have everyone's attention please?
01:00:11Can I have everyone's attention please?
01:00:12You're doing you all-now I have every-
01:00:15I'd like to thank everyone for coming tonight thanks to Balzack's performance.
01:00:19The cock and bulls are now only 20 points behind the fox and the hounds,
01:00:23which means whoever wins the next event will win the Hastings Cup!
01:00:29Well, now, let's just get inebriated!
01:00:35Where is Bulls?
01:00:37Ah, he is otherwise engaged.
01:00:49It's a doggie-dog's fault for this doggie-doggy girl.
01:00:52She's the doggie-
01:01:04Taji!
01:01:05Oh, Sadie!
01:01:06How was your date?
01:01:07Taji, you were right.
01:01:08He was the perfect gentleman.
01:01:10We had tea, and then a candlelit dinner, and then a beautiful carriage ride.
01:01:13That's wonderful!
01:01:14Then we got scrambled, he yagged off his scanties, and we shagged all night on the tile!
01:01:18All right!
01:01:20Sir, there's a problem with Simon.
01:01:22Excuse me.
01:01:23What?
01:01:25Simon?
01:01:27I, uh, have, um...
01:01:30I have a problem.
01:01:32Oh, my God, he's talking.
01:01:34Well, Simon, whatever your problem is, we're your friends.
01:01:37You can tell us.
01:01:39Well, you see, it's to do with the size of my, um, piddler.
01:01:44Oh!
01:01:45Well, uh, you know, it's an understood fact that a man's, uh, piddler is, uh, appears smaller to himself than it is in real life.
01:01:59Well, you see, that's what I'm afraid of.
01:02:01Because according to me, that's, um, 11 inches.
01:02:04Come again?
01:02:06Figuratively.
01:02:07You see, the problem is, that every time I get aroused, all the blood rushes from my head to my, um, head.
01:02:14And, uh, I can't talk.
01:02:17But do you think it's gonna be...
01:02:18Ah!
01:02:19It's, um...
01:02:20It's fine.
01:02:21I could work it.
01:02:22I think you'll be fine.
01:02:23Work.
01:02:24Um...
01:02:25I'm sorry to interrupt you boys tossing off your tallywhackers, but, uh, Taji, there's a beautiful young lady waiting for you outside.
01:02:33Surprised you don't get out more.
01:02:42Hello.
01:02:43Smile.
01:02:44Oh.
01:02:45Sorry, just had to have a picture of the wickedest party of the year.
01:02:48Ah.
01:02:49Well, then, uh, why don't you come on in, grab a drink?
01:02:51Wait, I have a surprise to be fast.
01:02:52Let's take a walk in the woods.
01:02:53A surprise in the woods?
01:02:55Well, can you give me a second?
01:02:56Let me go repack my wallet real quick.
01:02:58Come on.
01:03:10Amazing.
01:03:12Fantastic.
01:03:14The Persephone Comet hasn't been seen in the English skies since, uh...
01:03:19Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo.
01:03:21Yes.
01:03:25Come on.
01:03:31I have one more surprise for you.
01:03:33Yeah?
01:03:34Mm-hmm.
01:03:35Is this one scenery too?
01:03:38I need you.
01:03:44I need you.
01:03:50I need you.
01:03:52I need you.
01:03:53I need you.
01:03:54I need you.
01:03:55Hey, Mum. Hey. It's a parent. You're here. What are you looking at?
01:04:07I hope that sweet she did suddenly I am exactly where I want it to be
01:04:16I'm gonna kiss myself till I can't see, cause I know
01:04:20DJ spins electric baby
01:04:26Hi. Seamus was just telling me a story about you. A very lonely one.
01:04:50I knew it's sore when I was here
01:04:59I knew it's sore now
01:05:04Denelope, I thought you were gone for the weekend.
01:05:16Yes, I was, but I just couldn't stop thinking of you.
01:05:22You couldn't?
01:05:23No.
01:05:24That's fantastic.
01:05:26Take me, Gavin.
01:05:27Get him?
01:05:29Whatever.
01:05:33Wow.
01:05:35You seem so different.
01:05:36You always had that birthmark on your neck.
01:05:38It matters this one.
01:05:41Any more dumb questions?
01:05:42No, I'm good.
01:05:44Good.
01:05:47There's nothing to be nervous about.
01:05:50Just take off your clothes.
01:05:56Okay.
01:05:56Okay.
01:05:57Oh, my God.
01:06:10Oh, my God.
01:06:11Oh, my God.
01:06:12Get your bloody hands off me, you whiskey-swilling Irish blackhead.
01:06:30Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
01:06:44No.
01:06:45We are the Bara Lundervats.
01:06:48We have come to surprise our son, Taj Mahal.
01:06:52He's upstairs.
01:06:53Excuse me.
01:06:55I think I'm in love.
01:06:56A bad doggy.
01:07:22You're a bad doggie.
01:07:26Wolf.
01:07:31Oops.
01:07:34Oops.
01:07:35I'm ready for you, my little Yorkshire pudding.
01:07:40Surprise!
01:07:41Oh, my God!
01:07:42Oh, my God!
01:07:43Oh, my God!
01:07:44Oh, my God!
01:07:45Oh, my God!
01:07:46Oh, my God!
01:07:47Go!
01:07:48Go!
01:07:49Go!
01:07:50Go!
01:07:51I don't care!
01:07:52I don't care!
01:07:53I don't care!
01:07:54I don't care!
01:07:55I don't care!
01:08:00So, have a nice flight?
01:08:05I warn you, promised.
01:08:06Prepare to be appalled beyond your imagination.
01:08:09Excuse me.
01:08:10Excuse me.
01:08:11Good door.
01:08:12Disgusting, isn't it, promised?
01:08:14Coming through.
01:08:15Of course.
01:08:16Yes.
01:08:17In this new fist.
01:08:18Provost?
01:08:21Provost?
01:08:23Right this way, Pavel.
01:08:28Are you okay?
01:08:36Provost?
01:08:37He has knocked that woman out with his schlong.
01:08:39Hmm.
01:08:40No one went with a green light.
01:08:42I think it's, I wanna be all right.
01:08:45Better than ever.
01:08:46It's the best day of life.
01:08:48What?
01:08:49What?
01:08:50What?
01:08:51What?
01:08:52What?
01:08:53Don't worry, Pavel.
01:08:54They will get over it.
01:08:55It's not like your family has never seen you naked before.
01:08:58Okay.
01:08:59Maybe not quite as hairy, but still.
01:09:02So, is there someone special?
01:09:03Or were you just...
01:09:04No.
01:09:05Yes.
01:09:06No.
01:09:07I mean, yes, there was somebody.
01:09:08Really?
01:09:09And how long have you been seeing her?
01:09:10Well, tonight was actually our first night together.
01:09:11And already in your bedroom?
01:09:12Shabash, Betha.
01:09:13My son is a hound doggy, eh?
01:09:14A chip of the old Badalang Buds.
01:09:15Got the old camphor.
01:09:16Camphor chickadee calendar, eh, Betha?
01:09:17Something like that.
01:09:18Penelope.
01:09:19My little vixen.
01:09:20I'm ready.
01:09:21Honey Bunny.
01:09:22I'm ready.
01:09:23I'm ready.
01:09:24I'm ready.
01:09:25I'm ready.
01:09:26I'm ready.
01:09:27I'm ready.
01:09:28I'm ready.
01:09:29I'm ready.
01:09:30I'm ready.
01:09:31Oh.
01:09:32Oh.
01:09:33Oh.
01:09:34Oh.
01:09:35Oh.
01:09:36Oh.
01:09:37Oh.
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39Oh.
01:09:40Oh.
01:09:41Oh.
01:09:42Oh.
01:09:43Oh.
01:09:44Oh.
01:09:45Oh.
01:09:46Penelope.
01:09:47I'm not quite sure how this works.
01:09:49Do I get discipline now?
01:09:52Absolutely.
01:09:53Are you enjoying the party, sir?
01:09:58You know, Betha, I envy you.
01:10:01You are just like I was.
01:10:03A chip of the old Badalang Buds, eh?
01:10:06Attending the big bad bone dance morning, noon and night.
01:10:11The pink taco stand delivering 24 hours a day, free of charge.
01:10:16Dad.
01:10:17Dad.
01:10:18Dad, listen.
01:10:19No tissue.
01:10:20No tissue?
01:10:21No.
01:10:22No tissue.
01:10:23No tissue?
01:10:24No.
01:10:25I am not a chip off the old Badalang Dabad and I'm not a hound doggy.
01:10:28I'm sorry.
01:10:29I tried to live up to your legacy.
01:10:31I really did, but I'm afraid I disappointed you.
01:10:33See, I really have fallen for someone and it's just one girl.
01:10:38Just one girl?
01:10:39Just one.
01:10:40I see.
01:10:41So, this one girl is feeling the same as you are?
01:10:55I believe so.
01:10:57Well, I guess we are not all cut out to be hound doggies, eh?
01:11:03You're not disappointed?
01:11:08How can I be disappointed?
01:11:10You're my son.
01:11:12It is watching you come into your own as a man that makes me feel so proud of you, Beta.
01:11:17Come.
01:11:18Give your father a big squashy.
01:11:21No, no, Dad.
01:11:24I need another hug.
01:11:26Oh, Beta.
01:11:27Oh, Beta.
01:11:28It's okay.
01:11:29Beta, I can't breathe.
01:11:30I can't breathe, Beta.
01:11:31I love you, too.
01:11:32I love you.
01:11:33My testicles.
01:11:34Bye.
01:11:35Sorry.
01:11:36Did I ruin a moment?
01:11:38What the hell are you doing here?
01:11:40The Provost and I made some interesting discoveries this evening.
01:11:43Stolen copies of next week's history test in your students' rooms.
01:11:48Huh.
01:11:49Those students would never cheat.
01:11:51Yes.
01:11:52Well, you can tell your story to the disciplinary committee first thing in the morning.
01:11:56You know, it's funny how things work out, isn't it?
01:12:00I suggest you start packing.
01:12:04Packing.
01:12:05Restraint, my boy.
01:12:08Restraint.
01:12:09He's mine.
01:12:10Dad!
01:12:11Camford University is the greatest institution of higher learning in the world.
01:12:19We take transgressions most seriously.
01:12:22So it is.
01:12:23I must inform you that you're all expelled.
01:12:29I stole the exam.
01:12:30Sir, that's ridiculous.
01:12:31Quiet.
01:12:32Get in.
01:12:33This is how it must be.
01:12:35I don't know the first thing about English history, so how could I have expected my students to pass an exam?
01:12:41I admit it was a weak moment, but it was my weak moment, not theirs.
01:12:45Well, you understand that this would mean your immediate expulsion.
01:12:50Yes.
01:12:51I only ask that you not penalize my students for something for which I'm clearly to blame.
01:12:56They all have to be expelled.
01:12:57They've already seen the exam.
01:12:59I don't see why the entire house should be penalized for Mr. Bada-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
01:13:06Yes?
01:13:08I guess.
01:13:09Well, for his transgressions.
01:13:10No, we'll give them an oral exam.
01:13:13If they pass, they're back in.
01:13:15If not, well, they're out.
01:13:18Fine.
01:13:19But meanwhile, Mr. Bada-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
01:13:21We accept your expulsion.
01:13:25Wait, Charlotte, let me explain.
01:13:31I've heard more than enough thank you.
01:13:33I cannot believe we bought into all of your nonsense.
01:13:35Oh, but...
01:13:36Those kids idolized you. I... admired you.
01:13:40But the joke's on all of us, isn't it? Because you're nothing but a cheat.
01:13:43Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody, okay? If you'd just let me explain.
01:13:46No. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, isn't it?
01:13:50Good day, Mr. Badlandabad.
01:14:06Most days, I'm burning in a fire. I got a cliché. Coats are staring at my world.
01:14:22But these days, the bird is on the wire. Two fingers pull a pen, a half-drawn picture of a dream.
01:14:31And here, between the riding on the wall
01:14:36I try to feel forgotten for a while
01:14:41And it's hard, and I get angry all the time
01:14:46But this is not a life I cannot change
01:14:51When somewhere in the heart of the aftermath
01:14:56We all know why we're here. Let's begin.
01:15:01Who could have been anybody on the road to me?
01:15:13Come on, baby. Come on. Daddy's leaving soon.
01:15:17I know you want to give it to me, don't you?
01:15:19Come on, I'm trying a different tactic here, baby. I'm trying to be nice to you.
01:15:23I don't like it nice to you, you little whore.
01:15:26Hey, guys. How'd it go?
01:15:31Oh. Well, look, the important thing is that you tried, all right?
01:15:37You passed.
01:15:38Oh, you passed!
01:15:40What's wrong, Gethin?
01:15:45Oh, well, this is all thanks to you, sir. And as soon as you leave tomorrow, we're going to get slaughtered in the Hastings Cup.
01:15:52Oh, please, Gethin, that's absolutely ridiculous. This is all thanks to you guys.
01:15:56You know, I had a feeling that you guys would pass, so I prepared some libations.
01:16:03Now, you guys were outcasts when you got here, and you showed those privileged snot bags that you were the better.
01:16:12And because of your hard work, Camford, one of the finest institutions in the world, is now yours.
01:16:18It's time to get out there and kick some fox and hounds ass and win the Hastings Cup.
01:16:26To the cock and bulls.
01:16:28To the cock and bulls.
01:16:29Oh, come on. This again?
01:16:30To the cock and bulls!
01:16:32To the cock and bulls!
01:16:33To the cock and bulls!
01:16:48To the cock and bulls!
01:17:12Taj Mahal Binta, cheer up a little. You'll find another school which will make you happy.
01:17:18Dad, I'm really, really sorry that I disappointed you.
01:17:22I just wanted to follow in your legendary footsteps.
01:17:27Did I not tell you about your stories, Dilip?
01:17:30Tell him.
01:17:34Dajia, I may have told you a slight stretching of the truth.
01:17:40I'm afraid I was never a member of the foxes and hounds.
01:17:44What?
01:17:46But all those stories.
01:17:49Wait, the ones about being the Sultan of Snatch are true, though, right?
01:17:54That would be a fine thing. He's lucky to even find it.
01:17:57More like the Sultan of Splat.
01:17:59One must admit, it can be somewhat difficult to locate at times.
01:18:03Hang on, hang on. Why were you not in the foxes and hounds?
01:18:06I thought I was accepted.
01:18:08But when I arrived, there had been some sort of mistake.
01:18:12A typographical error, they said.
01:18:15You're kidding.
01:18:16It's okay, beta.
01:18:17Maybe this university is not the place for us badalanpads, huh?
01:18:21Come.
01:18:23Let's go home.
01:18:27Can you guys please give me a few minutes alone?
01:18:29Yes, beta, of course.
01:18:31You will wait outside, huh?
01:18:42Guess I won't be needing that golf cart, Van.
01:18:45How fast does that golf cart go?
01:18:47What are you doing here?
01:18:49There's no time.
01:18:50I'll explain on the way.
01:18:52Welcome, everybody, to the final competition for the Hastings Cup.
01:18:59Now, only two teams have accrued enough points to compete in the final event.
01:19:13The foxes and the foxes and the foxes and the foxes and the foxes and the hounds, who will represent you?
01:19:21I will.
01:19:22What are you doing here?
01:19:35What are you doing here?
01:19:36You've been expelled.
01:19:37I'm afraid, Mr. Everett's correct.
01:19:40How many current students are?
01:19:41Provost Cunningham, I think you'll find a reinstatement is in order.
01:19:44Charlie, have you lost your senses?
01:19:45Quite the opposite.
01:19:47If you look closely at this photo, you'll see that a woman is holding the stolen exam papers,
01:19:51which means it couldn't have been Taj.
01:19:53He was just helping his friends.
01:19:57Don't just stand there, young man.
01:19:59You've got a competition to compete in.
01:20:00Oh!
01:20:02Yes!
01:20:03That's all for us.
01:20:04Yes!
01:20:05Cheers.
01:20:06Right this.
01:20:10A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!
01:20:13Aga!
01:20:18Point fox and hounds.
01:20:25Okay, he is good.
01:20:26You're not concentrating.
01:20:27Every time he attacks from his left and exposes his chest,
01:20:29that's when you attack hello I'm trying but his lightning-fast blows make it a
01:20:33little bit difficult or first fight just go
01:20:38that was great but no more advice yeah
01:20:56no dick and you know I think I'm finally starting to scare him
01:21:05somebody has some anger issues
01:21:13let's settle this like my ancestors did shall we you want to exploit me
01:21:17economically no first blood first blood your chance to stick it to the British
01:21:24aristocracy
01:21:27I hate to pry but you but do you think your sword obsession is over
01:21:36all the compensation for your coming
01:21:43violence
01:21:44doesn't solve anything
01:21:46bitch
01:21:47I'm sorry
01:21:51no I'm not
01:21:53oh get it
01:21:55thank you
01:21:57oh shit
01:21:59why don't you get it Raji we don't want you here
01:22:02if we weren't here who would tend to your fossil gardens and serve you tea while you pretend to be important you goro
01:22:21I'm sure I'd survive Raji can't say the same about you
01:22:26ah
01:22:31are pompous you racist you sexist and dress like a dance instructor on a cruise ship
01:22:41looks like it's curtains for you Raji
01:22:47good idea Pip
01:22:48oh my god Pip that was fantastic how did you do that well I work out I train you've got to eat right
01:23:06this is becoming rather tiresome
01:23:13so
01:23:23ah
01:23:24the Rathbone
01:23:25very impressive
01:23:26but bad news
01:23:28I taught it to her
01:23:30oh
01:23:31oh
01:23:32talk to his ancestors
01:23:34Raji
01:23:34oh yeah
01:23:35perhaps you'd like to meet yours
01:23:36oh
01:23:39and the name is dodge point a match mr.
01:24:02bad it bad it bad bad bad bad
01:24:23ladies and gentlemen
01:24:28This year's winners, the Corkham Bulls.
01:24:31Winners of this year's Hastings Cup.
01:24:38Hello!
01:24:40Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:24:47My father donates millions of pounds to this university.
01:24:51Consider the repercussions of what you're about to do.
01:24:54Come on.
01:24:55Tell him.
01:24:58All right.
01:24:59All right.
01:25:00Pip stole the exam papers and he got me to put them in their rooms.
01:25:08Well, perhaps you should consider the repercussions of what you've done, Pip.
01:25:13Yes.
01:25:14He's right.
01:25:15You're expelled.
01:25:22Never could stand that little snot bag.
01:25:25No!
01:25:26No!
01:25:27No!
01:25:28No!
01:25:29No!
01:25:30No!
01:25:31No!
01:25:32No!
01:25:33No!
01:25:34No!
01:25:35No!
01:25:36No!
01:25:37Lord Brightwood?
01:25:39Yes?
01:25:40Pip.
01:25:41Pip.
01:25:42Pip.
01:25:43Pip.
01:25:44No!
01:25:45OK.
01:25:46No!
01:25:47No!
01:25:48No!
01:25:49No!
01:25:50No!
01:25:51No!
01:25:52No!
01:25:53No!
01:25:54Isn't it important?
01:25:55About that, it seems there's been a mistake.
01:25:59A mistake?
01:26:00Hmm, typographical, I'm afraid.
01:26:02It was meant to say that you had not got the position.
01:26:04Sorry, old boy.
01:26:07Very, very tight, tight, tight, tight, tight, tight, tight,
01:26:08typographic.
01:26:09What he's trying to say is piss off, Pip.
01:26:12No, okay.
01:26:14Yeah, okay, sure, fine.
01:26:16Oh, okay.
01:26:17Are you sure typographical was, you know?
01:26:19That's clear enough, thank you.
01:26:20Great.
01:26:21Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter!
01:26:24I've never been more proud of you than I am at this moment.
01:26:27Thanks, Dad.
01:26:28You know your son is the biggest hound doggy on campus.
01:26:31My son?
01:26:33A hound doggy?
01:26:34It's practically raining women's undergarments when he walks down the street.
01:26:36I always knew it,
01:26:38that my son would follow in my footsteps in the pursuit of the pink daco.
01:26:43Being a hound doggy is in the bade lanbat jeans, huh?
01:26:47Well, it may be in his jeans, dear,
01:26:49but I certainly never found anything special when I looked in yours.
01:26:52You saying that I'm firing blanks?
01:26:54I have fathered three children!
01:26:55So what?
01:26:56If a mattress could have gotten pregnant,
01:26:58you would have fathered six.
01:26:59I am warning you, woman.
01:27:00I am shaking in my sally.
01:27:02I don't need this observation.
01:27:03Thanks for dealing with my dad.
01:27:05They don't live here, do they?
01:27:06Oh, no, no.
01:27:07Milwaukee.
01:27:08My pleasure, then.
01:27:10You know, Charlotte,
01:27:11you should know I'm not a rich guy.
01:27:13I don't own a house or anything.
01:27:15I'm not an earl.
01:27:16In fact, the only title I hold is to an 86 Toyota Corolla.
01:27:19Oh, come now, Mr. Badlunderbad.
01:27:21You're forgetting what an excellent swordsman you are.
01:27:24Hardly.
01:27:25I almost died up there.
01:27:26I mean, I got a couple of...
01:27:27Are you calling me a hound doggy?
01:27:31Maybe.
01:27:33Well.
01:27:34I mean, I don't know if you're calling me a hound doggy.
01:27:37It never gave warning.
01:27:40I never knew something to be so real.
01:27:42Yes, let's go.
01:27:43Can we match?
01:27:43Let's go, yes.
01:27:44Let's use your hand.
01:27:45Yeah.
01:27:46I'm taking like a time.
01:27:46I'm tripping over my soul.
01:27:48I'm in the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle.
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