- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:009-1-1 what's the address of your emergency I need an officer out to my place regarding my
00:10brother Raymond Cervantes there's blood all over the floor he took off with his soon-to-be ex-wife
00:17I don't know if it's her blood my life today it's not what I imagined it would be due to
00:27him attacking me that night and as many times as I was strangled and beaten and all the times I
00:35went without oxygen I have memory loss I have a traumatic brain injury I possibly suffered a
00:41stroke that night I'm gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life that of everything
00:49that I could forget I wish I could forget this but something I'll never forget
00:57I didn't think I was gonna get upset I thought I was gonna be able to do this without crying
01:05this is actually the knife that I had that night the knife that Ray gave me and had me start carrying
01:31when Ray first gave me the knife he kind of taught me how to use it was more of a caring gesture like
01:39I want you to be okay if I'm not around if anything happens I want you to be able to defend yourself and
01:44protect yourself I think it's very ironic that the thing that he gave me to protect myself with is
01:51ultimately what I use to protect myself against him I fully 100% believe that Ray is evil
01:59you
02:13the
02:17how
02:18This is a picture of me and Ray.
02:44We're still smiling in this picture, so.
02:48It just makes me remember that there were good times.
02:55We had so much fun in the beginning.
02:57We spent a lot of time together and we hung out and played games.
03:01In the beginning, it was just a lot of fun then.
03:05I don't know, I just feel stupid saying there were good times.
03:08Like, how could there have been good times?
03:11But, I mean, there were.
03:14I think from the very moment I met him, he was playing a role.
03:21Looking at this picture, if I could go back, I would tell that girl to run as far away from that man as she could.
03:29The day that I met Ray, I mean, living in Ohio, and I have my house with my two kids.
03:44I was pretty kind of lost and broken and just searching, I guess, for myself or something.
03:59I was single.
04:00I had just gotten out of a relationship and I didn't know who I was anymore.
04:06I really didn't feel like I had a purpose in life.
04:09I just was kind of existing and floating through life.
04:15Meeting Ray was completely random.
04:18A mutual friend of ours had a gathering at her house and I had one over there.
04:23He was nice and funny and he seemed caring and he seemed like he was attentive and just, he seemed like a nice guy.
04:31I don't think I've ever really laughed so much with anybody.
04:35I didn't want to stop talking to him.
04:37I didn't want him to go home.
04:39I was kind of opening up to him about what was going on in my life.
04:44And he said he'd be there and kind of helped get me through it and just kind of seemed like a very, very caring person.
04:50And that made me want to get to know him more and spend more time with him.
04:54I did not realize that I was literally giving him everything that he was going to use against me on a silver platter.
05:01Maybe it's because you're so lost.
05:03They seem so perfect.
05:04I don't know.
05:05I thought I was opening up and actually connecting with someone.
05:09I didn't, I didn't know who he was going to turn out to be.
05:20Pretty early on, I knew that he had been previously married, but he had been divorced for a long time.
05:31We were pretty much together almost every day.
05:34We would go fishing and go walk and hang out in the parks, go out to the bars and have drinks.
05:39One night, Ray and I were out at the bar drinking and then all of a sudden, Ray opened up a little bit about his past to me.
05:46There's something I got to tell you.
05:48Ann told me that he had a kidnapping charge that he had spent some time in jail for.
05:54After he said that, I really didn't know what to believe.
05:57It's something I'm not proud of.
05:59I was, I think, still in like just shock and my heart sank.
06:04He told me that his ex-wife was dating somebody new and that person had hit their child, one of their sons.
06:11So he went over there to fight the person and drug him out of the house and beat him up.
06:17So he told me that he got a kidnapping charge for dragging the guy out of the house.
06:23Not the best thing, but in my mind, it was okay.
06:29I guess you're defending your kid.
06:30I mean, not the best way to do it, but okay.
06:33I understand maybe I wouldn't go to that extreme too, but you're sticking up for your kid and it was a long time ago, so I'm not going to judge you on something that you were honest with me about.
06:45But I think that should have been my warning sign.
06:48I wish I would have known the full story.
06:52I really wish I would have asked more questions.
06:54I wish I would have been not so trusting.
06:58Later on, his ex-wife contacted me and we've talked and I do know what the real story is.
07:03He actually kidnapped her and took her to a cemetery, drug her around by her hair and told her to pick out her own grave.
07:26We had gone to a birthday party and there was a guy that came on a motorcycle.
07:33I love motorcycles.
07:35My parents have motorcycles.
07:36I grew up around them.
07:37It had been a long time since I had taken a ride on a bike, so I was pretty excited about it.
07:45I asked him to take me for a ride around the block on his motorcycle.
07:49Would you mind?
07:50Not at all.
07:51Okay.
07:52Ray actually was standing right there when I asked.
07:55There you go.
07:56And apparently that was not the correct thing to do.
08:00Kind of didn't look happy, but he didn't like immediately yell at me or anything like that.
08:05He just kind of was a little sulky and then I just all of a sudden noticed that he was gone.
08:11At first I just thought, I'm like, okay, he got mad about something.
08:16So I didn't, yeah, I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
08:19Then I realized he actually left me at that party and I had to get a taxi home.
08:26I mean, I guess I should have thought he left me there, but I was just, I really honestly didn't know why.
08:34I'm like, okay, what's going on?
08:36Let me go home and find out what's going on.
08:40When I got home, he told me how disrespectful that was.
08:48That I should never, ever disrespect him like that again.
08:52That no man was going to take his lady out on a bike.
08:55And then Ray got very, very upset.
08:57You thought you were slick?
08:58It was just a motorcycle ride.
09:00And we get into an argument and he just all of a sudden came at me from behind.
09:04Had my shoulders pinned down.
09:08And remembering the look on his face, how mad and angry he was.
09:14It was scary and shocking, like this whole other side of him that I had not ever seen before.
09:24He was punching me in the face.
09:26I remember asking him to stop, you know, telling him to stop hitting me.
09:34But then I finally got away.
09:36I ran down to my neighbor's house.
09:39They came down to help me, but he had taken off.
09:42And the neighbors wanted to call the police, but I didn't let them and I did not call the police.
09:47At that time I was just, I didn't, I was embarrassed.
09:51I was confused and I really still at that time was struggling with, that's not really him.
09:57And then Ray began sending me messages, apologizing and promising to change and be a better person.
10:03He even encouraged me to call the cops on him.
10:06He told me that I should call the cops on him because he deserved to be in trouble for what he did.
10:11And I told him, no, I'm not going to do that to you because at the time I saw it as remorse, not manipulation.
10:20But that's how good of a manipulator he is.
10:25Like I thought maybe, you know, that was just a one time thing.
10:29People have bad nights and do stupid things when they're drinking.
10:32So I fully did believe that it was not going to happen again.
10:36I wish I knew then what I know now.
10:40Ray God wanted us to work on our relationship.
10:50He didn't continue to try to work on being a couple.
10:53At some point we started talking about marriage and we decided that we were just going to go downtown and get married.
11:00I was very nervous, very hesitant, very second guessing myself, but at that time kind of scared to not go through with it
11:09because I didn't want to upset him and I didn't know how he would react if I told him that I didn't want to anymore.
11:16So I went through with it and we got married.
11:19Once we got married, Ray moved into my house with me.
11:22Some things were pretty good at first and we got along pretty good, had a lot of fun.
11:26I thought that being married would make us closer and make our relationship stronger.
11:31I didn't think anything bad was going to happen again.
11:34In the morning I was trying to wake him up and he was sleeping and I was shaking him on his back.
11:55Hey, Ray, wake up.
11:58And he kind of rolled over and my hands kind of got trapped between him and the couch.
12:02And when I pulled my hands out, it scratched his back.
12:05It wasn't anything serious.
12:07He just kind of looked at me and I just woke him up and told him it was time to get up and go to work.
12:12It's a little awkward, but not like hostile or anything like that.
12:16I, again, didn't think anything of it and went about getting ready for my day.
12:25And all of a sudden there is a knock on the front door and it's the police.
12:33He called the police and told them that I had attacked him.
12:39I remember, like, I was thinking, what, are you serious?
12:42Like, what is going on here?
12:44Like, we weren't, there was no yelling, there was no fighting.
12:46I'm like, I don't understand this.
12:47Like, I didn't, didn't do anything.
12:49I didn't put my hands on him.
12:51They're like, well, he has scratches on his back.
12:53I was like, I literally was waking him up on the couch.
12:56Hey!
12:57I explained to them exactly what happened.
13:00He just kind of stood there and let it all happen.
13:02I'm like, are you, are you kidding me right now?
13:05Like, you're, you're taking me to jail over a scratch on somebody's back.
13:11He didn't try to help me at all until I was in the handcuffs.
13:15Ray!
13:16Please!
13:17All right, officers.
13:18All right.
13:19Then he would try to be the savior and, oh, please don't arrest her.
13:23I didn't mean to call you guys.
13:24It wasn't that bad.
13:26And then it was the nice guy that was going to save me from the situation that he put me in.
13:31I was furious.
13:33It didn't make sense to me why he did this to me when I didn't call the police on him when he had beaten me so terribly before.
13:43Looking back, I think Ray was just trying to teach me that I had to do what he wanted.
13:50That it was his way.
13:53That if I didn't comply with him that I was going to be taught some kind of lesson.
13:58He was going to do something to show me that I did something wrong.
14:17Shortly after Christmas, my daughter had a friend staying the night.
14:21It was one of those nights he was on the couch, I was in the bedroom.
14:24We weren't really hanging out or talking.
14:27When I got home and I first got my daughter and her friend situated in her bedroom and go and look at my room,
14:34and I was just like kind of shocked.
14:39The bedroom door had been kicked in.
14:41My mattress has been flipped over.
14:42He's rifled through all of my things.
14:44There's things thrown about the room.
14:47Like he's searching for something that I don't know what he's searching for.
14:53It looks like a mini tornado had went through my bedroom.
14:57So then I asked him like, what's going on?
14:59Where are you doing that?
15:00What is wrong with you?
15:02He just immediately starts telling me that I'm hiding stuff from him in the bedroom.
15:06But he can't tell me what I'm hiding.
15:08I know you're sneaking around.
15:10What are you talking about?
15:11We get into an argument.
15:12He always wanted to know what I was doing and where I was.
15:14And I guess he felt like he didn't know something.
15:17And he pushes me down on the couch.
15:20I'm very upset.
15:21You know, I don't know what he's going to do.
15:23Like, you know, he gets angry and goes off on the deep end.
15:26And he's kind of antagonizing me like, you know, what are you going to do?
15:29So I have my little pocket knife in my hand.
15:32And I'm telling him, if you put your hands on me again, I said, I'm going to defend myself.
15:35I'm going outside, you know, get out of my way.
15:39I kind of just walked around him and went outside to the patio.
15:46I didn't know this at the time, but my daughter had saw Ray push me and she called the police.
15:52So the police show up.
15:58They told me that Ray had showed them a video of us arguing in the kitchen with me with a knife in my hand.
16:05And I took a step towards him, which was threatening towards him so that they had to arrest me for domestic violence.
16:13He just had his phone in his hand. I didn't even know that he was recording.
16:30My plan when I was coming home was to go to the courts first and file separation.
16:35Because once I had those separation papers, I could legally get them to make him leave my house.
16:42And then the COVID pandemic hit.
16:47The courts were not going to be open. There's nothing I can do.
16:50It was literally like walking on eggshells, not knowing what to do and how to act.
16:56During this time, there was quite a few nights that I slept with my bedroom door locked.
17:01And I dreaded, just absolutely dreaded the fact that I was going to be stuck in the house with this person 24-7.
17:11I don't know what he would do if I finally do leave him.
17:16I was terrified.
17:24The Ray that I first met, I don't think it truly exists.
17:28I don't think any part but the manipulative, evil, mean, abusive person exists.
17:35I think it was all just lies and manipulation.
17:39I didn't want to let Ray know what I had planned because I didn't trust him and I didn't know how he would react.
17:46And I was just trying to maintain and survive and play the role and continue to plan my escape.
17:52I decided I'm not going to sit at home and deal with this.
18:07So I got a hold of some friends and I went and hung out with some friends for the night.
18:11I wake up in the morning and I call my mom on the way home.
18:18My mom tells me that I need to get home because he had killed my dog.
18:26And I don't even remember the drive home.
18:31I just remember getting there and just like, what the ?
18:35I don't need to take pictures.
18:49I'm just going to video everything.
18:51So that is a video that I took the day that I came home.
19:08And it just shows just the pure destruction of my house and all my belongings.
19:17And you could see the dolls, my grandparents dolls with their heads missing.
19:22And I mean, I knew he was a violent person, but I guess I didn't know the extremes and the level that his violence could get to.
19:30I didn't think he would literally go from one end of the house to the other and break everything in his path.
19:37I got into my bedroom.
19:42That was where he murdered my poor dog.
19:48I got into that back wall.
19:52That was, uh...
19:54That was jaggy.
19:57Splattered.
19:58Against that wall in my bed.
20:01And right where I laid my head every night to sleep.
20:04This is my dog Shaggy.
20:17He was just, he was one of my best friends.
20:19He was just such a freakishly large Shih Tzu.
20:23He slept at the end of my bed.
20:25Right at my foot of my bed.
20:27Between me and the door.
20:28Because he had to protect his mama.
20:30He was my furry soulmate.
20:32Ray murdered him.
20:36He took his poor little body and beat him against the bedroom walls.
20:42And tied a scarf around his neck and hung him from a tree in my backyard.
20:46You can see the purple pieces of scarf.
20:55I felt like, sadly, Shaggy sacrificed himself that night to save me that night.
21:02Because if it wasn't going to be Shaggy, it probably would have been me if I would have came home.
21:07I hate that, but...
21:12It's how much he loved me and how much I loved him.
21:15My parents, when they were going through and cleaning the house and kind of trying to get it cleaned up, they found knives tucked around the house.
21:38Under the couch, under the living room coffee table, by the front door, just stashed everywhere.
21:51We later found a security camera that he had set up in the corner of the house.
21:58And on this security camera, you can see him assaulting my daughter.
22:08That night, I told my daughter to stay at her friend's house and to stay away from the house.
22:12But there was one point in the night that she needed her phone charger, so she went back down to the house.
22:17And he didn't want her in the house.
22:21Ray punched my daughter in the face and pushed her out the front door into a truck.
22:27I could tell by watching the video that he was waiting for me to come home because he'd be sitting on the couch and you would see headlights come across the front windows.
22:37And he would get up and jump to the windows and look out the window and see what car it was.
22:41I fully believe that his plan that night was why he set the camera up was for me to come home,
22:50find my dog hanging from the tree, come into the house with no context and him defend himself and kill me that night.
22:58At least that's what I think was his plan that night because I don't know why else you would have knives tucked all around the house.
23:04In every corner of the house.
23:11When Ray got out of jail, he was living at his sister's house and I had moved a new apartment with my kids.
23:26I had not told Ray where I had been living, but one day I got a text message from him with the picture of the front of my building.
23:36I think he was sending me a message that he could find me at any time if he wanted to.
23:43When I got his text message, I didn't at that time think very much of it.
23:49I had so much other things going on in my life.
23:52I didn't really take it as seriously as I probably should have at that time.
23:57Because looking back now, I feel like that was just the start of his plan to do something to me.
24:13It was a Sunday night. I was at home and Ray had been sending me messages and trying to get me to come over to his sister's house.
24:23Ray sent me photos of signed divorce papers and I thought that that was his way of telling me that we were done and this relationship was over.
24:32He was telling me that he was very sorry for everything that he had destroyed in my house and he wanted to try to make some things right and he had a thousand dollars to give to me.
24:45I told Ray that I would meet him, but I had some ground rules that I was not getting out of the car, that I was going to bring my knife to protect me and I was not staying very long to talk to him.
24:57Driving over there, I just all of a sudden got this sinking feeling of dread in my stomach and I regret not turning around.
25:08He walks up to my driver's window and he hands me some money through the window.
25:25I think it was like $400 or so. Then he said he has the rest of the money, the rest of the thousand dollars for me in the garage.
25:34And if I'd go in the garage with him, he'll give me the rest of the money.
25:38I walked into the garage and he walked in behind me, shut the door, immediately punched me in the side of my head and said,
25:52you really thought I was letting you go home tonight?
25:57I mean, I immediately thought, what the did I just get myself into?
26:01I have my phone in my hand and I have the knife tucked in my waistband.
26:06So I'm trying to get the knife out and I just have this sinking feeling that this is not going to turn into a very good situation.
26:16His eyes looked pure black. He just looked evil. Like he just, this pure rage and hatred.
26:23I've seen him look mad before, but never like that.
26:30He starts strangling me from behind and I can't breathe and I don't know what to do, but I've still got the knife in my hand.
26:41So I look to my right and the only thing I can see is a thigh.
26:46So I, um, I stabbed him in a thigh.
26:51And he pulled me out and he threw me down onto the ground and pinned me down and had my arms pinned down.
27:01Ray was telling me that he would stop strangling me if I gave him the knife.
27:06Uh, I'm not giving him that knife.
27:09So I took it and I threw it as hard as I could.
27:15But, uh, he didn't stop like he said he would.
27:21He continued to strangle me and at that point, uh,
27:28I'm pretty sure I died for a moment.
27:31Because, uh, I wasn't there for, I don't know how long.
27:36But, where I was, was great.
27:44It was just the most euphoric place you have ever been.
27:48And the most calm and peaceful and just light and bright.
27:53And it's, like, from those moments that I experienced, I'm not afraid to die anymore, if that makes any sense.
28:06But then I came back, too.
28:08And he had all of my hair wrapped around his fist.
28:12And he was dragging me.
28:14And I remember thinking in that moment, I was like, I just want to go back to where I just was.
28:21Like, just take me back there.
28:22I don't want to be doing this right now.
28:26And then I realized I had to keep fighting.
28:28I'm screaming for somebody to help me.
28:37I'm screaming that he's trying to kill me.
28:40And he's telling me that nobody is going to hear me.
28:43And nobody is going to come and help me.
28:45That I'm going to die that night.
28:47And sitting on this toolbox is this big 8-inch metal C-clamp.
28:54And he grabs that and he hits me on the left side of my face right here.
29:01A couple times with that.
29:07I could instantly feel the side of my face swell.
29:10I can hear all the sounds.
29:17I can hear myself struggling.
29:20I can hear myself gasping for my own breath.
29:25No one should ever have to hear something like that.
29:27I can hear myself begging for my own life.
29:30No one should ever have to hear that.
29:33But then he takes an electrical cord.
29:38Cuts the end off a bit.
29:40Ties it into a noose.
29:42And starts chasing me around the garage.
29:46With this electrical cord noose.
29:50And I know that I cannot let him get that around my neck.
29:56I know if I let him.
29:58I know if he gets that around my neck.
30:00That I don't have my knife.
30:01I don't have anything.
30:02And what am I going to do to fight an electrical cord?
30:08So I just keep running from him and running from him.
30:11And as I'm doing this I'm looking up.
30:13And I notice that there's already a noose hanging from the rafters.
30:20So I feel like I'm like he's going to hang me and then hang himself.
30:24Like what is going on?
30:26I know I'm in trouble and I just want to get out of there.
30:31Oh.
30:32Still shocks me.
30:33Um.
30:34This is a picture of the C-clamp that I was beaten with.
30:38Uh.
30:39Yeah.
30:40I still.
30:41I still just don't understand.
30:43Like why you would pick up something like that and hit somebody with it and how it didn't do more damage.
30:48to me.
30:49To me.
30:50Yeah.
30:51Yeah.
30:52Yeah.
30:53Yeah.
30:54Yeah.
30:55I still.
30:56I still just don't understand.
30:57Like why you would pick up something like that and hit somebody with it and how it didn't do more damage to me.
31:02Yeah.
31:03Yeah.
31:04This was fairly early into it when I got hit with this.
31:07Three and a half hours of not knowing whether I was going to live or not.
31:12I was able to get away and out of the garage.
31:16I was able to get away and out of the garage on the porch.
31:33She was able to get away and out of the garage.
31:40I was able to get away and out of the garage and get into my car and get it started, but the gear shifts stuck.
31:46And by the time I tried to get it in the right gear, Ray was right there.
31:51He reached in and grabbed the keys.
31:53He forced me to get over in the passenger seat so he could drive and take off with me.
32:02So we leave there, and he's telling me that he just wants to go and talk to me, that he's not going to hurt me anymore, that he just wants to go talk to me.
32:10After he took me from his sister's house, she called him, and he answered, and he told her that he just wanted to go have a heart-to-heart talk with his wife one more time, but that he wasn't coming home and that he loved her.
32:28911, what's the address of your emergency?
32:31Hi, I need an officer out to my place regarding my brother, Raymond Cervantes.
32:36I just walked out to my garage where he was.
32:41There's blood all over the floor.
32:45He has known his ex-wife.
32:47He actually took her to a cemetery and told her to pick out her grave.
32:52He was in prison for that.
32:53Seriously, we ain't even close yet.
33:14Like, we've still got to go all the way to the end of this cornfield.
33:18Can you imagine how terrified I was?
33:24The fishing spot that he took me is a desolate area that is a path between two cornfields.
33:31If you didn't know that this place existed, you wouldn't be able to find it.
33:38Like, I'm in the middle of nowhere.
33:43Already been beat, strangled multiple times.
33:45Hit with a C-clamp.
33:47Told multiple times I'm never going to see my kids or my dogs again.
33:51And then driven here.
33:53You could scream out there for hours and nobody would ever hear you.
33:57And we're still not even there.
34:01You can still see my tire tracks from the other night.
34:04I'm literally thinking that there's nobody out here that can help me.
34:09There's nobody that can hear me.
34:11And now we're by the water.
34:13What is he going to do now?
34:15And then brought here.
34:18That is where I almost died.
34:21And then he picks up a piece of driftwood and starts beating me in the head.
34:26That's a shoe print.
34:27All right?
34:31If you can see, this is where I'm in struggle.
34:35I can't see it all.
34:38I can't see it.
34:39I can't think I'm going to ever think.
34:45Every time he strangled me or was on top of me, it was, don't quit moving.
34:48No, don't give up.
34:50If you get moving and you give up, you're dead.
34:52and he keeps telling me bitch why won't you just pass out why won't you just pass out
35:00and he wants me to look at him and he keeps telling me to look at him and i won't look at
35:06him and it's like look at me i want to watch your eyes like i watched shaggy's
35:12i look down and i see where i stabbed him at so i took my fingers and i just dug
35:22and it just kind of made me distracted him enough that i could break away from his chokehold
35:29so i get away from him and i get to the back of my car and i'm kind of leaning against it and i'm
35:40looking at my surroundings and i remember just telling myself him i had to run
35:46and my brain is screaming that but my body's not listening
35:51i physically i have nothing left i have been fighting for hours i am exhausted i am messed up
36:05um i knew that if he attacked me one more time i wouldn't make it
36:11this whole night he just had this sense of rage about him and for this moment i didn't sense that
36:21so i tried to reason with him
36:24i told him i said look at the stars i said they're so pretty
36:33i said why don't we just look at the stars together
36:36told him that he had the money we had my car we could just run away together
36:42and then i said but i said i think i'm dying
36:45i said i really need to go to the hospital
36:48i said can i please please go to the hospital
36:52and amazingly he agreed
36:56i was like i will tell him i got in a car accident
37:10yes and i'm not going to tell him that this was you i promise i'm not going to tell him it was you
37:14and i got halfway into the between the car and the emergency room doors and i turned and i looked at him
37:21and i told him i said if you think for a second i'm not telling them this was you you're crazy
37:26and i ran into the emergency room
37:29this is a picture of me that night in the hospital
37:38you can just see how
37:40misshapen my head is you can i mean my eyes are almost swollen shut
37:47i think there were a few audible gasps when people saw me because it was just
37:52i think such a shocking thing to see
37:55it reminds me how lucky i am to have made it through that night
38:00it doesn't i mean it doesn't even look like me
38:02it just doesn't even look like me
38:06a person shouldn't look like that especially from someone that was supposed to love them
38:14that is ray's mugshot
38:34the night he tried to kill me
38:37i don't like looking at this one
38:41oh i don't like those eyes
38:48that one gives me chills
38:51i don't yeah
38:59that is that
39:03captures uh the evilness of him i think perfectly
39:08just the look in his eyes the look of hatred
39:12he just looks mad and angry and evil
39:16my life will never be the same after meeting him
39:20i will live with lifelong consequences and medical issues because of the man in that picture
39:26during the sentencing the judge said about ray that he's been doing this a lot of years and that
39:46he has seen a lot of things but he now knows what the depths of an empty human souls looks like
39:53there's still a chance that he can get out in my lifetime and i don't think that he should ever be able to
39:59i fully 100% believe that ray is evil i believe that he is an evil soulless person i would never feel safe if he was ever out on the streets again
40:10i always believed in the best in people
40:19not anymore
40:20i just i look at people and see the worst
40:24i guess i have a little bit less faith in humanity after this unfortunately
40:33my life today is not what i imagined it would be
40:38i don't like the memory problems i don't like the stuttering i'm still healing and still figuring
40:44out how to live with all of this stuff i feel like i'm exposing myself for a lot of people to
40:52judge and look at me the wrong way and say the typical things that people say about
40:58domestic violence relationships but i also know that it can help a lot of people and bring a lot of
41:06awareness i always thought of myself as being independent and strong and i would never take that
41:12from anybody and then it happened still just take it day by day and still try to just survive i guess
41:21going through something like that definitely empowers you and makes me feel stronger
41:26i can face any situation it may not be easy and you may have to fight like hell but you'll get through it
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