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Miss USA, who happens to be the daughter of an important American scientist, contacts Max after finding that her life is in danger. Max has to protect her during the next competition as well as finding which of the fellow contestants is a KAOS assassin. (Working title: "The Girl From KAOS".)
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00:00This is the Prince's suite, Max.
00:13Boy, he must be driving the house detective crazy.
00:17Max, they're his wives.
00:19Sure, Chief.
00:23Prince Abu Ben-Bubi, this is Agent 86.
00:28Be seated.
00:30I'm assigning him to security duty here at the suite.
00:3486, your job is to protect the lives of the Prince and his wives.
00:3886.
00:39Oh, yes, you're right.
00:42Tell me, Your Highness, how many wives do you have?
00:4533.
00:47Going on, 34.
00:49Just met a nice girl recently.
00:51We're going steady.
00:52How do you support them?
00:54Max, Prince Abu Ben-Bubi is a very wealthy man.
00:56His country produces more oil than any nation in the world.
00:59Well, it had better.
01:00I mean, after all, he's got a 33-car family.
01:03Max, there are certain factions in the Prince's government that would like to break his oil contract with the United States
01:08and turn it over to Iron Curtain countries instead.
01:11That will never happen.
01:13Not while I'm alive.
01:16Well, if you will excuse me, gentlemen, I must prepare for lunch.
01:21Thanks, I hope you realize how important it is to keep the Prince alive.
01:38I certainly do, Chief.
01:39And the first thing we have to do is to get him away from his wives.
01:42Why?
01:43Well, with all that fanning, he could catch pneumonia.
01:46Max, there are only 18 hours left before the Prince returns home.
01:49I'm placing this suite on blue alert.
01:52Extreme emergency conditions.
01:54Well, I don't think you have to worry, Chief.
01:55After all, there were two attempts on the Prince's life, and both of them failed.
02:00Max, Chaos must succeed in killing the Prince while he's visiting our country.
02:04Then they'll be able to turn his people against us, so they'll sanction the breaking of the oil contract.
02:08Now, if the United States ever loses that oil...
02:11Don't worry, Chief.
02:12If that happens, we can always depend on Herbie.
02:15Who's Herbie?
02:16Herbie's a friend of mine who owns a gas station.
02:18He's got a lot of oil.
02:20Now, see if Agent 13 is at his post.
02:22I'll call headquarters.
02:24Right, Chief.
02:3013?
02:3113.
02:3313, are you there?
02:36No, I'm out on my pony playing polo.
02:38Of course I'm here.
02:39Look, I know you've got a lonely job, 13, but there's no need to be so sarcastic about it.
02:45Well, it does have its compensations.
02:47The other side of this chimney opens on the harem girl's suite.
02:52Listen, 13, if you're feeling a little cooped up and you'd like to be relieved...
02:57Cover me, Max.
02:59Right, Chief.
03:00I'll see you later.
03:05It's all right, Max.
03:05It's room service.
03:06Just put it on the table over there, please.
03:11That's the prince's lunch, Max.
03:13I think you'd better taste it.
03:14Oh, no thanks, Chief.
03:15I've already had lunch.
03:16All food should be checked out before the prince eats them.
03:19There's always a possibility of poisoning.
03:20Now, taste it.
03:21Mmm, smells delicious.
03:30What is it?
03:31Camel's ears boiled in goat's milk.
03:33Now, taste the coffee.
03:35Hmm?
03:36Taste the coffee.
03:39No thanks, Chief.
03:40I don't drink coffee.
03:41It keeps me awake.
03:42Taste it, Max.
03:43That's an order.
03:47Wait a minute, Chief.
03:48What if this coffee is poisoned?
03:50Then it won't keep you awake.
03:56Well?
03:58What's the matter?
03:59Needs a little sugar.
04:01Thanks.
04:01I have to go to my post.
04:02Now, remember, I'll be sitting in my car parked downstairs right outside that window.
04:06If anything happens, signal me.
04:08Right, Chief.
04:20Here.
04:21Your tip is on there.
04:26Prince, your lunch is ready.
04:29Right this way, Your Highness.
04:31Wait till you see what we have for you today.
04:35There you are, boobie.
04:36Ah.
04:37What is it?
04:40The ears of a camel boiled in goat's milk.
04:47Terrific.
04:49Certainly is a noisy candle.
04:51Yes, sounds more like a fuse than...
04:54What is it?
04:55Dynamite.
04:56Hold it.
04:57Sorry about that, Chief.
05:13Oh, no.
05:14You're listening.
05:29You're listening.
05:31What is it?
05:32Okay.
05:32Here.
06:03Well, it's a good thing that you weren't in the car when the dynamite hit, Chief.
06:21I would have been if I hadn't stopped on my way out to get a pack of cigarettes. Those cigarettes saved my life.
06:26And they say smoking is bad for you.
06:30Max, we've learned that one of the Prince's wives is a chaos agent.
06:33Which one?
06:34We don't know. It could be the tall, exotic one. It could be the short, voluptuous one. It could be...
06:38I'll check them all out immediately, Chief.
06:41Max, he has 33 wives.
06:43So it'll take a little time.
06:46Yes.
06:47She's here, Chief.
06:48Send her in.
06:49Well, that looks wonderful. Turn around.
06:58Excellent. What do you think, Max?
07:00Well, it's very nice, but will your wife wear it?
07:03And Max's help for his wife. It's for me.
07:05It's 99.
07:0699? You ought to be ashamed of yourself walking around in public like that.
07:11Max, it's a disguise. That's 99's job.
07:14I'm assigning her to pose as one of the harem girls to find out which one is a chaos agent.
07:19You can go, 99, but remember, as soon as you're sure which one of the wives is a chaos agent, do nothing but watch her closely.
07:25She's probably only an inside contact.
07:27Right, Chief. Then once she contacts the assassin, we'll be ready for him when he strikes.
07:31Exactly.
07:32I better be going, Chief. Anything else?
07:34No.
07:35Yes. One more thing, 99.
07:37As soon as you get into that harem suite, I want you to take the blanket off the bed immediately.
07:42What'll I do with it, Max?
07:43Hang it over the fireplace.
07:45Go on, 99. Good luck.
07:47Thanks, Chief.
07:48Now, Max, the Pentagon has just informed us that we were to have international help on this case.
07:53Oh, really? From what country?
07:54Israel.
07:55Israel? Israel is going to save the life of an Arab prince?
07:59Israel has excellent relations with Prince Abu Ben-Bubi's nation.
08:03Now, it's vital to the Israeli government that no harm comes to the prince.
08:06What kind of help are they going to give us?
08:08Well, they have an espionage unit comparable to our own control organization.
08:12It's one of the finest in the world.
08:14What's it called?
08:15Your Espionage Network and Training Academy.
08:18It's referred to by its initials, Y-E-N-T-A, YENTA.
08:22YENTA?
08:23They know everything that's going on everywhere.
08:26They're a small organization, but they've assigned their top man to the case.
08:29Who is he?
08:31Hmm?
08:31The man from YENTA.
08:33Agent 498.
08:36That's the international hotline, Chief.
08:38That may be YENTA calling.
08:45Control speaking.
08:46Yes, go ahead, YENTA.
08:48Uh-huh.
08:50I was afraid of that.
08:51Right, I'll have Agent 86 meet him at the airport.
08:55That's quite all right, I understand.
08:57Goodbye.
09:04What's the matter, Chief?
09:05Bad news?
09:06Lamoco.
09:07Lamoco?
09:08He's Chaos' top assassin.
09:10He's been given the assignment of killing the prince.
09:12I'll be ready for him, Chief.
09:14Max, Lamoco is no ordinary assassin.
09:16He's fiendishly unpredictable.
09:18And a master of disguise and voice impersonation.
09:21In 27 assignments, he has never failed yet.
09:25That's quite a record.
09:27His parents must be very proud of him.
09:29He doesn't have any parents, Max.
09:31They were his first assignment.
09:33Lamoco was seen at an airport in Algiers where he booked passage on a plane to Washington.
09:38Was 498 on the same plane with him?
09:40No.
09:41Lamoco would recognize him.
09:42498 is flying here now from Tel Aviv.
09:44Now, he'll arrive in Washington ten minutes before Lamoco does.
09:47You'll meet 498 at the airport.
09:49And he'll point out Lamoco when his plane lands.
09:51You take Lamoco into custody.
09:53Right, Chief.
09:54Now, you'll use the fountain pen signal to identify yourself.
09:57Pretend your pen isn't working.
09:58And 498 will identify himself by offering you his pen.
10:02Gotcha, Chief.
10:03Uh, Chief, what time does 498's plane arrive?
10:07In exactly 15 minutes.
10:0915 minutes?
10:11Why did Yenta wait so long to call?
10:14They work on a limited budget, Max.
10:15They have to wait till after six o'clock for the long-distance rates to change.
10:19Lucky they didn't drop us a postcard.
10:36Here, try mine.
10:40That's a beautiful pen you have there.
10:45498?
10:46No, $1.19.
10:47I'm by the gross.
10:48Give them away for bar mitzvahs.
10:50Agent 498?
10:52Who else?
10:53Maxwell Smart?
10:54Yes.
10:55What does Lamoco do?
10:56Wait a minute.
10:58Aren't you gonna ask, how was your flight?
11:01All right, how was your flight?
11:03Don't ask.
11:05Mission, please.
11:06Algerian Airlines Flight 5 from Algiers.
11:09Now arriving gate one.
11:11That's Lamoco's flight.
11:13Wait a minute.
11:14Now, here's what we do.
11:16We go over to the customs and check out every passenger that comes through.
11:20You point out Lamoco.
11:21I'll get him.
11:22You cover me.
11:25What are you gonna do?
11:26I'll use my shh.
11:28What's a shh?
11:29It's what you call a silencer.
11:42Well, that's the last of them.
11:43It checks out.
11:44There were 65 people aboard.
11:46He's the 65th one through customs.
11:48Wonderful.
11:49So where is Lamoco?
11:50He must have slipped through without unnoticing it.
11:53Am I gonna get it for this?
11:54Lamoco loose in the city.
11:57The prince is a sitting duck.
11:59Come on, my car is right outside.
12:01We better get back to headquarters immediately.
12:02I'll be right with you.
12:03I have to call Tel Aviv.
12:04Tel Aviv?
12:05Now?
12:06I promised my mother I'd call her the minute I arrived.
12:09She worries.
12:10This is Lamoco.
12:25I have arrived undetected.
12:27I have arrived and I'll be right with you.
12:57Max, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
13:00I'm 99.
13:01I'm just doing my job.
13:02Well, you don't have to do it so well.
13:03Can I help it if I love my work?
13:06Besides, it's part of my plan.
13:07What plan?
13:09Well, I don't have it all worked out yet.
13:11But I'm trying to find out which one of the wives is the chaos agent.
13:15Well, how are you going to accomplish that by kissing them?
13:18Well, that's the part I haven't worked out yet.
13:22Listen, Max, I already have an idea of which one is the chaos agent.
13:25I'm just waiting for her to make her move.
13:27Well, you better get back inside and keep your eye on her.
13:30As your highness wishes.
13:32Would your highness like his water pipe filled?
13:34Forget it.
13:35I've already smoked three gallons today.
13:38Max, you've got to be careful.
13:39Lamoco's going to be here any minute and he's going to mistake you for the prince.
13:42That's exactly our plan, 99.
13:45While Agent 498 is back at my apartment guarding Abu Ben-Bubi,
13:48I'll be here waiting for Lamoco and catch him red-handed trying to assassinate the prince.
13:54Oh, Max, you're so brave.
13:55You're going to get a medal for this.
13:56There's something more important than medals, 99.
13:59What?
13:59It's after six.
14:00I get overtime.
14:0113.
14:1113.
14:12Say, 13, that's a great disguise.
14:15What disguise?
14:16I'm on fire.
14:17Listen, 13, will you please stop with your petty complaints?
14:22This is an important case.
14:24Now, have you got anything to report?
14:26Yeah, yeah.
14:27Just when I pinpointed which harem girl was the chaos agent,
14:30she lit a fire in the fireplace and 99 hung a blanket over it.
14:33What did she look like?
14:35Well, she was about the same height as 99, same hair, same figure as 99.
14:39There was one slight difference.
14:41What was that?
14:42She had a match in her hand.
14:45Thanks a lot, 13.
15:07Who is it?
15:08It's the maid.
15:11Hello, operator.
15:30This is Maxwell Smart, secret agent 86.
15:32Get me control headquarters immediately.
15:34Hello.
15:35Hello, chief.
15:36This is Max.
15:37What is it, Max?
15:38Listen, chief.
15:39I'm going to need some help.
15:40Three assassins just tried to kill me.
15:42What happened?
15:43Well, I got all three of them, chief.
15:45Oh, good.
15:45Now, if there's any more trouble, I've assigned agents 24, 25, and 26 to help you.
15:49Good.
15:50Where are they?
15:5124 is in the hall closet, 25 is a window washer, and 26 is disguised as a maid.
15:56Now, do you think you know how to contact them?
15:58Well, I'm not sure, chief, but I think a medium might help.
16:03Max, you didn't.
16:04You couldn't.
16:05You wouldn't.
16:05Don't get excited, chief.
16:08I think the maid has a 50-50 chance to pull through.
16:14Hold it, chief.
16:16Did you send anybody else?
16:18I hope not.
16:19I hope not.
16:20Ha ha ha.
16:21I hope not.
16:22fades,
16:35głos.
16:37I hope not.
16:38You're welcome.
16:48Boy, am I glad I wore this instead of my sweater.
17:18Ninety-nine. Ninety-nine, our plan worked perfectly.
17:24Lamoco just left here thinking he'd kill the prince,
17:26but the prince is still safely slashed away in my apartment.
17:29Has that girl made a move yet? Good.
17:32Now, we've still got to capture Lamoco.
17:34He should be contacting her any minute.
17:35You better get back inside and keep an eye on her.
17:45There's an axe.
17:46What is it now, Ninety-nine?
17:48What did she say?
17:49What did who say?
17:50The girl you were just talking to.
17:52She didn't say anything. I did all the talking.
17:56Oh, Ninety-nine, don't tell me that wasn't you.
17:59Me, Max? I've been watching that girl.
18:00Then I saw her come out and talk to you.
18:02What's wrong?
18:03What's wrong? What's wrong? Nothing's wrong,
18:05except that I told her the whole plan,
18:06the whole plan to the wrong girl.
18:08I thought it was you.
18:09Oh, Max, what are we going to do now?
18:11Well, she's probably contacting Lamoco right this minute.
18:14That means that Lamoco will know that the prince is still alive
18:17even in my apartment.
18:18I've got to get over there right away.
18:19You get back inside and hold her.
18:21Right, Max.
18:21I actually don't think I could tell us apart myself.
18:26Should Lamoco learn of our plan and come here,
18:29he'd never expect to find two princes.
18:31I am most fortunate to have a man as capable as you to guard me.
18:37Lamoco is a vicious killer.
18:40He might try to shoot me, to stab me, to poison me.
18:44But the important thing is, you should live and be well.
18:50Let's see who it is.
18:58Who's there?
18:59It's me, Maxwell Smart.
19:03What are you doing here, Maxie?
19:04Lamoco is wise to us.
19:06I'm to take the prince away from here immediately.
19:08Let's go.
19:10Prince?
19:10But first, we must call your control headquarters
19:12and let them know that you got here before Lamoco did.
19:15Don't touch that phone.
19:18So, you are not Maxwell Smart.
19:23There's only one man who could master a voice so perfectly.
19:26Lamoco.
19:28At your service.
19:30Well, Lamoco, the joke's on you.
19:33You don't know which of us is the prince and which isn't.
19:36That's true.
19:36So, I will have to kill you both.
19:39Well, we never figured on that one, did we, prince?
19:44Adieu, gentlemen.
19:49Prince.
19:50Your Highness.
19:51Hello, Bobby.
19:56Wait a minute.
19:57There's something definitely wrong here.
20:00One of those two men is Lamoco.
20:01Quick, give me the gun.
20:02Don't do it.
20:02He is Lamoco.
20:03Who are you?
20:05I'm Prince Abu Ben-Bubi.
20:06How do I know you're not Lamoco?
20:08You can believe him, Smart.
20:11And who are you?
20:12I'm Agent 498.
20:14Oh, no, you're not.
20:15I just left Agent 498 a few hours ago.
20:18And he hadn't even started to grow a beard.
20:21Do we know you're Maxwell Smart?
20:25Don't confuse me.
20:27Yes?
20:27How do you know that I'm not Maxwell Smart?
20:30Hey, that's very good.
20:33What other impressions do you do?
20:35Hold him right there.
20:40Get him.
20:41Drop the gun.
20:45Wait a minute.
20:46What is this?
20:47Max, which one are you?
20:48Right here, Chief.
20:49Right here, Chief.
20:50Right here, Chief.
20:51No.
20:51He's Lamoco.
20:52I'm Max.
20:53Don't fall for that, Chief.
20:54I'm Max.
20:55I'm the prince.
20:56I'm hungry.
20:57Quiet, all of you.
20:58One of you is Lamoco.
20:59Which one is it?
21:00Not me.
21:01Not me.
21:01Not me.
21:02Not me.
21:03All right.
21:04Which one is the prince?
21:05I am the prince.
21:06I am the prince.
21:07No, he's the prince.
21:08No, he's the prince.
21:09Hold that.
21:11Now, what was your question again?
21:14Max, come here.
21:17Now, which one is the prince?
21:19I'm not sure, Chief, but there's one way to find out.
21:22How?
21:23Number one, what's your name?
21:25My name is Prince Abu Ben-Bubi.
21:29Number two, what's your name?
21:32My name is Prince Abu Ben-Bubi.
21:36Number three, how many wives do you have?
21:39Max, stop it.
21:40There's only one way to find out who is really the prince.
21:42Right, Chief.
21:43Will the real prince Abu Ben-Bubi step forward?
21:46No, Max.
21:47The real prince is the one with the real beard.
21:50I'll start with number one.
22:08Max.
22:09Max, where are you?
22:10Right here, Chief.
22:11That's Lamoco on the ground.
22:13Tear off his beard.
22:13That's Lamoco, all right.
22:18Good shooting, Max.
22:19You got him.
22:20Get him a glass of water.
22:21He's dead.
22:22Wouldn't help.
22:22Wouldn't hurt.
22:24Max, are you all right?
22:26That's not Max, 99.
22:27Oh.
22:28Oh, Max.
22:31That's not Max either.
22:32Oh.
22:34Max.
22:35Max is over there.
22:36Oh, Max, are you all right?
22:40Yes, I'm fine, 99.
22:42Max, you amaze me.
22:43Lamoco's makeup and voice impersonations were perfect.
22:46You had to get off that shot in a split second.
22:48How did you know it was Lamoco and not really the prince?
22:49Well, it was really quite simple, Chief.
22:52You see, number one looked too much like the prince to really be the prince.
22:57Number three didn't know how many wives he had.
23:00So, I picked number two.
23:02Well, with all that rolling and scuffling around, how did you know that number two was number two?
23:06Huh?
23:07How did you know it was number two?
23:09Oh.
23:09Well, that was just a lucky guess.
23:20Goodbye, 498.
23:21I've enjoyed working with you.
23:22Oh, likewise, I'm sure, 99.
23:25And you, smart.
23:27I feel towards you like I feel towards my own brother-in-law.
23:31Brother?
23:31No, brother-in-law.
23:32I don't talk to my brother.
23:33Goodbye, 498.
23:34Goodbye, Chief.
23:35And if any of you ever get to my country, be sure and give me a call.
23:39I'll be happy to show you around.
23:40You can reach me at that number.
23:43Oscar's delicatessen.
23:45Say, that's a great idea, using a delicatessen for a front.
23:49What front?
23:50That's the business we're in.
23:51We only do spy work during our slack season.
23:55Well, I missed my flight.
23:56Gotta run.
23:57Goodbye and good luck.
24:02Well, that's one more case closed.
24:04Sometimes I wonder what it's all for.
24:06All the destruction, killing, murdering.
24:09Well, as 498 would say,
24:11it's a living.
24:12Audrey, it's a living.
24:15I ask him, where are we going?
24:16¶¶
24:46¶¶
25:16¶¶
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