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Fun
Transcript
00:00This is the story of Peter Pan. Once upon a time there was a girl named Wendy who had two younger
00:08brothers John and Michael and they all slept together in the same nursery even though Wendy
00:12was like a senior in high school. Oh and nursery is just a rich person's word for kids bedroom.
00:17Wendy's parents were solipsistic pricks who were so neglectful of their children that they put a
00:23dog in charge of taking care of them and not just any dog but a Saint Bernard which is basically the
00:28big drooling goob of the animal kingdom. One night just after the kids went to bed a fabulous redheaded
00:34fairy boy with a penchant for green leotards crept into the bedroom. Scotland Yard knows him as the
00:40ginger jobby jabber with a long rap sheet of breaking and entering. You may know him as Peter Pan. Peter
00:47Pan threw glitter at the children and told them all to jump out the window so they could fly to
00:51Neverland. Oh hell no said Wendy. Last time I played that game I sprained my ankle and tore my hymen.
00:58But then Peter told her that he was the ringleader of a group called the Lost Boys in Neverland
01:03which changed Wendy's mind because the idea of anonymous consequence free grope fest that nobody
01:08at school would ever find out about was too good to turn down. To make sure it was safe she told John
01:14to go first because her father always said god damn it John if someone ever told you to jump off a
01:19bridge you'd be dumb enough to do it idiot and he was dumb enough to do it so it's a good thing that he
01:25flew and they all followed him to Neverland. But when they got there Wendy soon realized it wasn't
01:31all it was cracked up to be. In fact it was a shithole. It turns out the Lost Boys are just a
01:37bunch of slobs who were addicted to gaming and had never seen a woman before. In fact everything they
01:42knew about women they learned from watching Jersey Shore. To make matters worse there was always this
01:47creepy old man lurking around who called himself Captain Hook even though Peter Pan got a restraining order
01:52on him. Captain Hook used to run a miniature golf joint out of a big gaudy pirate ship until he was
01:57busted on the poop deck for acts of gross indecency. Naturally he was forced to shut down the mini golf
02:03operation so he converted the ship into a pirate themed swingers club where other dirty old men came
02:08to dress up as pirates and plunder booty. The whole affair was quite lurid. Anyway Wendy realized that her
02:15prospects in Neverland were looking pretty bleak. She didn't want to be Peter's maid and she had no
02:20intentions of being DTF no matter how many times the Lost Boys asked. But John just loved the place
02:25and he fit right in doing stupid teenage boy shit like the boiling pot challenge which is essentially
02:30the ice bucket challenge just way more dangerous. And Michael, well Michael was too young to form any
02:36kind of educated opinion on the issue. Plus no one listened to him unless he shit his pants and started
02:41her cry. The problem was Wendy needed pixie dust to fly home but Peter always kept it under lock and key.
02:47But Wendy was clever so she concocted a scheme to steal it. It was quite simple really. One night
02:53she stole a dirty leotard from Peter and gave it to Captain Hook to perv out on. In exchange Captain
02:59Hook and his powerbomb Smee created a diversion by blasting Anaconda by Nicki Minaj and having a
03:04twerk off outside of the Lost Boys camp. When Peter Pan and his crew went to go investigate,
03:10Wendy stole the pixie dust and flew home with Michael. John stayed in Neverland which was okay because his
03:15parents didn't give a shit anyway. The end. Come back next time and I'll tell you the story of the
03:21woman who was burned at the stake for saying she was a BBW when really she was just fat and ugly.

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