- 6 days ago
The Three Badasses Who Want Me
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen musk the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list arrives at Atlanta
00:00:05today what a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia a forgotten stage no one
00:00:09knows Angela my next-door neighbor still selling your hippie junk here if your
00:00:15mother-in-law sees she's gonna throw a big fit again your mother-in-law was
00:00:21right about you what's the point of watching the news all day about these
00:00:25moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self and how do you know
00:00:29that this is none of my business all right everybody get out we got an
00:00:35important guest coming you
00:00:43deaf I said pack up and scram I paid this off here already and if you want me to
00:00:49leave then fine but you have to compensate for today's losses I want to say that
00:00:55again you know who's visiting today Ellen freaking musk one of the richest people
00:01:02in the world Ellen musk of course a hick like you probably never heard of her
00:01:07just know that you can't afford to piss her off really Ellen musk is flying all
00:01:14the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market you don't think that she
00:01:18could be coming to see me
00:01:22coming to see you all right you know what I'll play your game if she does it so
00:01:29much as give you a glance I'll I'll eat dirt deal
00:01:43Ellen musk get to the flea market within 10 minutes or else you're fired
00:01:51you
00:02:08prepare the limo miss lockhart requires this immediately
00:02:11oh you're 10 minutes you're so messed up good hope you don't wet your pants 5 4 3 2 1
00:02:32Ellen I mean miss musk Ellen I mean I'm sorry that I
00:02:41sorry to frighten you how's my boss bitch kick an ass girlfriend so how do you like
00:02:50she's my boss and I prefer business partner or best friend no way
00:02:59well
00:03:02no no no I'm sorry for finding your boss no I won't do it again
00:03:10all right that's enough we're not tyrants here
00:03:16sir I found Angela Lockhart
00:03:26you mean Angela Lockhart
00:03:32you made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker who are you
00:03:42where is she atlanta and you were right it was secretly her propping up ellen musk my clever bride I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:03:54Max prep the jet I'm heading to atlanta
00:04:04atlanta the game is afoot I'm going wait dr. wilson the prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention he can wait I need to pick up my bride
00:04:19dr. wilson
00:04:24general eisenhower reporting
00:04:31David sterling and shane wilson are headed to atlanta
00:04:35atlanta
00:04:36where is that
00:04:39whatever prepare my war plate
00:04:41dosu going after my fiance
00:04:43I've secretly allowed your husband jared cooper to win the bid on the maple plaza project like you asked me to
00:04:50thank you so much ellen this is going to be the best anniversary gift ever
00:05:05that project is worth billions he can finally take his company public that's Angela
00:05:11if ever. That project is worth billions. He can finally take his company public.
00:05:16But Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the
00:05:23scenes without ever revealing your true identity. Without your backing, no offense,
00:05:30but he's nothing without you. Well, three years ago.
00:05:41He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly. I didn't want to reveal my true identity because
00:06:05I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress. But now,
00:06:10with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to
00:06:16the public. So that's why you have me secretly helping him. I'm sure he'll be moved when he
00:06:22finds out. But why work at the flea market? Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:31Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find. Plus,
00:06:37I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom. You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:43Where the hell are you? Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again. Get home stacked. It's a big day today.
00:06:55That was... My mother-in-law Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family. But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:07You know, she even remembered her third year anniversary.
00:07:14Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:21Hi, I'm home. I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:26Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:30Divorce papers? Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:36Oh, God. Don't call me Mom again. We're ending that relationship. Just look at you. Dirt all over. You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper. You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:52I'm below his league. That's right. You are. Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk. And then his company's going public. That's how much he's accomplished in three years. But you? You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler. Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:18You... will always just be a pawn. Like dirt... on our shoes. Dirt on your shoes? But Ellen Musk works for me. Ha! You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen. How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:43Resorting to lies. Definitely not good enough for Jared. And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:54You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife! Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee. Not a lowlife dirtbag!
00:09:04Enough!
00:09:05Jared... I knew you wouldn't divorce me. But I am. Don't fight it, Angela. Here's 500k. You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices. Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave. Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:25I've done so much for you these past three years. Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:34I didn't expect you to be so greedy. Fine. Here's another 200k.
00:09:40500k is too much for her already. She's done nothing. Hasn't even contributed a grandchild. She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:51Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you? I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:09:58You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something? And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench.
00:10:08A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO? What a joke. If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:19And leave!
00:10:23You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me? Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:30I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:34Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:38It's all my work!
00:10:44Baby, we're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:52You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:10:57So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:01She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:04Fine. I'll sign in. But don't regret it.
00:11:11Regret? Do you know who I am?
00:11:16Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:11:20I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:24Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:30Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:33It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:38You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:42Social stratum matters.
00:11:44Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:47And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:51And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:11:56Ha! You're delusional.
00:11:58Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:05You owe me.
00:12:06You dirty bitch. You sickened me.
00:12:09Ah!
00:12:15You hit me.
00:12:20Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:36I don't need your penny money.
00:12:42We're finished.
00:12:43You don't want the money that's your loss.
00:12:45Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:49But I would like my ring back.
00:12:52Have fun on your economy flight while I catch you out of my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:07And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:16Isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring?
00:13:22It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:25Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:29Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:31You're right.
00:13:32She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:35Congrats, Jared Boo Boo on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:41Oh!
00:13:42My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:50Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:52Yeah.
00:13:53And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:13:56Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:16Uh, Angela?
00:14:17Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:21Vanderbilt?
00:14:22Yeah.
00:14:23He's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:14:26Basically our employee.
00:14:27Oh, okay.
00:14:28I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow.
00:14:29It's fine.
00:14:30You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:14:31But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:33That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:52Angela Lockhart.
00:14:53I finally found you.
00:14:54Who is he?
00:14:55That.
00:14:56That's Devin Sterling.
00:14:57He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling
00:15:13Enterprises.
00:15:14Rumor has that he's worth trillions.
00:15:16And he's your fiancé.
00:15:19What?
00:15:20What?
00:15:21My fiancé?
00:15:22The one and only.
00:15:24So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're
00:15:31going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:33Babe?
00:15:34That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:49What is she doing here?
00:15:54You skank.
00:15:56My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man.
00:16:01Divorced?
00:16:03That's right.
00:16:04So, I guess this was never meant to be Mr...
00:16:09Sterling.
00:16:10Devin Sterling.
00:16:12So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:16Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:16:18She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:24How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:27Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:30Do you know who I am?
00:16:33They don't know who you are.
00:16:36You hide it well.
00:16:38X-Team!
00:16:39Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:43Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:45Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:52You forgot to bring the security team.
00:16:55Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:02No, I have to.
00:17:08Toss these ill-mannered apes out!
00:17:10Oh!
00:17:11You bitch!
00:17:12I'll have my son teach you a real lesson!
00:17:15A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:24No.
00:17:32The guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:35You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffet, old money like me.
00:17:40Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:43Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:44Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:17:48What an honor.
00:17:49I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:52It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:54Congrats.
00:17:55You'll be next.
00:17:57But we haven't received a contract yet.
00:17:59We deserve it.
00:18:00Oh, that's nothing.
00:18:01I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:03Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:06So, I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:11Thank you, Mr. Manfield.
00:18:12Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:17Yes.
00:18:18I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:21Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:24Now, if we can just secure a position with his big shot,
00:18:28we can feast for generations.
00:18:33I'll do my best.
00:18:36Excuse me, second gentleman.
00:18:41What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:46How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:49Me, a hobo.
00:18:51How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:54You sleep your way in?
00:18:55I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:18:58Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:01Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:03This is your ex-husband?
00:19:08What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:12Who the hell is this?
00:19:14You were cheating on me?
00:19:16Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:31That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:36They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:39You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:53Get your hands up, huh?
00:19:55Get your hands up, huh?
00:19:56My lady.
00:20:00My lady.
00:20:01My lady.
00:20:02My lady.
00:20:03My lady.
00:20:05My queen.
00:20:06My queen.
00:20:15My queen.
00:20:16It's...
00:20:17It's him!
00:20:30He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:35Who are these peasants?
00:20:37These seats are reserved for THE Ellen Musk and her special guest!
00:20:42Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:45You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:48Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:50That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:52You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:55His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:20:59The Civil War would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:02Vanderbilt.
00:21:04The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:09who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:13That?
00:21:14The only Vanderbilt family?
00:21:16Oh, goddammit.
00:21:17A stomach ache now?
00:21:22Mmm, whatever.
00:21:26Angela can handle herself.
00:21:27She'll be fine.
00:21:28How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:29I'm Harvey F. and Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:42I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:21:45And I can wipe you out with a strand of my hair.
00:21:49Not with me around.
00:21:50I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford auto empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:21:52You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:21:54You're fucking delusional Angela.
00:21:55We've had enough of your games.
00:21:56Security!
00:21:57Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:21:58Looks like the old guard's teaming up against you.
00:21:59But don't worry.
00:22:00You got my life.
00:22:01You've got my life.
00:22:02I can wipe you out with a strand of my hair.
00:22:03I can wipe you out with a strand of my hair.
00:22:04Not with me around.
00:22:05I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:09You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:14You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:16We've had enough of your games.
00:22:18Security! Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:22Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:25But don't worry. You got no money here.
00:22:30I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:33Yes, my great.
00:22:35You're all despicable.
00:22:38And insult to your family names.
00:22:43Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:46Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:49Cut off all business ties.
00:22:51And if you don't,
00:22:54I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:22:59Ha! I knew it! You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:02You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:04How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:08You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:12You have nothing.
00:23:14And you will always be nothing.
00:23:16She's a gold digger.
00:23:19Gold digger.
00:23:21Jigolo.
00:23:23Want to try me for a night?
00:23:25Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:27Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:30They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:33Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:35She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:38Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:41Security!
00:23:47Security!
00:23:49You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:52And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:55You!
00:23:57Insolent fools.
00:23:59Let me guess.
00:24:00You're that special guest?
00:24:03I don't know.
00:24:05Throw them out!
00:24:06And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:15Back down, Max.
00:24:20I got this.
00:24:30What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:49I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:51No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:55Oh my God, we're so screwed!
00:25:00Angela!
00:25:08Don't hurt her!
00:25:10You bitch.
00:25:11I've always been sick of you.
00:25:12You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:13How dare you insult my boss like that!
00:25:16Boss?
00:25:17Did she say her boss?
00:25:19Miss Musk?
00:25:20That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:22That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:24My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:27Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:31Past the American Revolution?
00:25:33Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:35If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:38That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:39She's royalty.
00:25:41And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:45What the hell do you do?
00:25:47Kneel to me!
00:25:48Oh, your majesty!
00:25:51Welcome to the United States.
00:25:54We've always been your loyal subject.
00:25:57Yes, your highness.
00:25:59Is it queen or princess?
00:26:01It doesn't matter!
00:26:03My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:06Oh yes, we didn't mean to offend.
00:26:08Hey, what are you doing?
00:26:09You idiot!
00:26:10Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness!
00:26:23What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:25She's a badass herself.
00:26:44He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:45You!
00:26:46You!
00:26:47You!
00:26:48You told me your wife was a hippie peddler!
00:26:50Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time!
00:26:53No!
00:26:54No!
00:26:55Don't believe their lies!
00:26:56I worked hard for everything!
00:26:58You worked for everything?
00:27:04Hi, Henry.
00:27:06So, our third anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we could do something special this year?
00:27:11I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:13I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:27You were nothing before me!
00:27:30All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine!
00:27:35Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:38I can take all of that away.
00:27:41Just like that.
00:27:43No, you can't take that away from me!
00:27:44So that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody!
00:27:48Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:52Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:54It was Queen Victoria's and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:05No.
00:28:06I gave you back the ring?
00:28:08I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:11No!
00:28:12No, please!
00:28:13No!
00:28:14No!
00:28:15Please take me back, baby!
00:28:16I still love you!
00:28:17Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:23No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:25I got these two again.
00:28:26Did he say...
00:28:27Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:28President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:29After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants have all gone on
00:28:30to become five-star generals.
00:28:31The highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:32Glad you buffoons know your history!
00:28:33Sorry, I'm late, babe.
00:28:34I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:35Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:36And that there is- that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:28:55He's Dr. House's protege...
00:28:57And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:03He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:05Dr. House?
00:29:06Yes.
00:29:07I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:08Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:29:10Yep, that's me.
00:29:12Son of James House.
00:29:13Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:16I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:20So he's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 14 years.
00:29:25And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:33Hey, Ellen, who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:37Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:29:41What?
00:29:42Fiancés.
00:29:45Plural?
00:29:46Fiancés.
00:29:47Plural?
00:29:49Watch it, nerds.
00:29:50I'm her fiancée.
00:29:52No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:53You can both shut up.
00:29:55I'm her fiancée.
00:29:56It's you.
00:29:57It's me.
00:29:58Who the hell is he?
00:29:59I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:02How are all three of these men my fiancés?
00:30:07Uh, your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because you
00:30:11decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:13She has three bad-ass fiancés and she marries his dumbass.
00:30:20Whatever.
00:30:22Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:30:27Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:30:30At your service.
00:30:33Me too.
00:30:35Oh!
00:30:36Oh!
00:30:37Oh!
00:30:38Oh!
00:30:39Oh!
00:30:40One down, two more to go.
00:30:41She's become queen!
00:30:42Bishop to G4.
00:30:44Oh!
00:30:45Oh!
00:30:46Oh!
00:30:47Oh!
00:30:48Oh!
00:30:49What is that?
00:30:50The most German festive water in the Nile River.
00:30:53Ruck to A8.
00:30:54Hello?
00:30:55I thought I was king!
00:30:56No.
00:30:57You wish.
00:30:58The king doesn't do anything.
00:30:59So, Ellen can be my king.
00:31:00Oh, fine.
00:31:01Big ruck to four.
00:31:02It's right this second.
00:31:04Oh!
00:31:05Oh!
00:31:06Oh!
00:31:07Oh!
00:31:08Oh!
00:31:09Oh!
00:31:10Oh!
00:31:11Oh!
00:31:12Oh!
00:31:13Oh!
00:31:14Oh!
00:31:15Oh!
00:31:16Oh!
00:31:17Oh!
00:31:18Oh!
00:31:19Oh!
00:31:20Oh!
00:31:21Oh!
00:31:22Oh!
00:31:23And...
00:31:25I...
00:31:26I've been bankrupt!
00:31:28Noooo!!
00:31:29Who is...
00:31:37I've been bankrupt!
00:31:38Noooo!!!
00:31:39I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:44Well, guess what?
00:31:45Game over.
00:31:47All right boys.
00:31:48Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:50Oh...
00:31:51That's serious business.
00:31:52I'm right with you!
00:31:54Wait for me!
00:31:56Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:32:06Angela!
00:32:10You already have three fiancés?
00:32:12You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:14I...
00:32:16want compensation.
00:32:18You greedy S.O.B.
00:32:22Who the fuck is that?
00:32:24My ex-husband.
00:32:26Wait, you were married?
00:32:28Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:32:30then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:32More for me.
00:32:34No, no, of course not. Just...
00:32:36Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:38Don't steal my joke!
00:32:40I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:42All evidence of your past with him.
00:32:44What?
00:32:46Is there something on my face?
00:32:47Uh, yeah. Murderous intent.
00:32:50Let's remarry.
00:32:52Let's remarry.
00:32:54You still don't realize.
00:32:57I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:17Sir, it's an emergency. We need to wreck right away.
00:33:30Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:34Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:39She should be okay now.
00:33:44Hey, you!
00:33:45Watch over here.
00:33:46I'll be right back.
00:33:47You saved me.
00:34:00Fuck.
00:34:01I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:04Fuck.
00:34:06I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:08You've cheated on me.
00:34:09You've hit me.
00:34:10You've insulted me.
00:34:11And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:16I fucking hate you.
00:34:18Little Lady Lockhart.
00:34:21God, what now?
00:34:23Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person.
00:34:28But if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:32How about us three?
00:34:33Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:36Yeah, no.
00:34:39You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:41But...
00:34:42This is your fault, you doofus!
00:34:44We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:46No!
00:34:47No!
00:34:48We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockhart.
00:34:53Help me!
00:34:55I'll get you for this!
00:35:03I never should have listened to you.
00:35:05I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:21So...
00:35:22What's the situation here?
00:35:23I don't want to marry you!
00:35:25Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:43But what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:50Much longer.
00:35:54Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:36:00My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:05Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:07The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:10Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:12I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing blood-sucking free little husband of yours.
00:36:20Can't call his name, but...
00:36:22Anyway, congratulations!
00:36:24I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:29Oh, you must pick one of them to marry, otherwise...
00:36:33Let me do it.
00:36:35You must choose one of them in seven days, otherwise...
00:36:40We'll kill ourselves.
00:36:42Mom!
00:36:43All right, honey, that's it.
00:36:46Bye!
00:36:47Bye!
00:36:51So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:53Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:00Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:06That seems greedy.
00:37:13But...
00:37:15I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:18Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:22I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:27Whoa, okay.
00:37:28No murder, please.
00:37:29I was just kidding.
00:37:33We have seven days to win her over.
00:37:35Ooh.
00:37:36It's like the Bachelorette.
00:37:38I know.
00:37:39We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:43Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:37:47Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:49What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:51You'll see.
00:37:52Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:37:54All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:37:55And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:37:59What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head off, heiress?
00:38:00What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head off, heiress?
00:38:05Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:07It's up, Ellen.
00:38:08Oh my god.
00:38:09Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:38:10Oh my god.
00:38:11Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:38:13Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:38:14All women are afraid of cockroaches, and it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:17What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head off, heiress?
00:38:21her head off heiress. Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:33It's up to the final two!
00:38:51It's crunchy. That is sick, Cole. Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield,
00:39:04you'll be glad to see one of these around. There are two more left. Wanna try one?
00:39:10Oh my god, no! No! Oh my god, save! Save you! You're gonna save me!
00:39:18I'm a German folk doctor. These hands can't get germs on them. They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:41Thank god you're here. Are you alright, honey?
00:39:46Angela!
00:39:50Alright, you won the first challenge, so you're a reward. You get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:56Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:39:59I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:07Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:10At least my girl can get some. I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:17The cockroaches!
00:40:18They're gone! They're gone!
00:40:20There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:22I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:27I need a drink.
00:40:40Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach!
00:40:43Oh, why do you care?
00:40:45Why are you trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela?
00:40:51You guys were late.
00:40:53I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:56You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:01He never even loved me.
00:41:04And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:10Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:18You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:23What?
00:41:28You're number one here.
00:41:29You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:38Lies.
00:41:41You all just want something from me.
00:41:48Angela.
00:41:50I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:52But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:41:59I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:01I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:06I just need you.
00:42:09I'll prove my love to you within six days. I promise.
00:42:15Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:42:31Angela. You're drunk.
00:42:33You're drunk.
00:42:34I'm an adult. Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:42:39Okay.
00:42:45But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:47Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:43:00This is what you want.
00:43:01This is what you want.
00:43:029-inch penis.
00:43:03Morning to you too.
00:43:05No, what that is.
00:43:08Let's go.
00:43:12Nine Inch Penis.
00:43:30Morning to you too.
00:43:32You sure you were drunk last night?
00:43:35A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:43:41Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:44But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:47Because then they would-
00:43:49Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:51Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:54I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen,
00:43:57my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:44:01Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:07Are you sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:11Stop.
00:44:14Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:18I won't tell.
00:44:20But only on one condition.
00:44:24I won't tell.
00:44:26But only on one condition.
00:44:29You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:32Fine.
00:44:33I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:39You never noticed me.
00:44:41You should get dressed and get out here before anyone sees you.
00:44:47It's only 7am.
00:44:48She's still sleeping.
00:44:49I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:50Yeah, I'm not letting my fiance be alone with another man for another second.
00:44:54Morning, gentlemen.
00:44:55Oh, or shall I say roughman?
00:44:56Oh, don't mind him.
00:44:57What's up, guys?
00:44:58We're ready for the second challenge.
00:44:59No cockroaches this time.
00:45:00Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:45:01That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:02This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:03I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:04The second challenge is..
00:45:05The second challenge is..
00:45:06The second challenge is..
00:45:07A date.
00:45:08Lane, I should've asked for something else.
00:45:10A date?
00:45:11That's it.
00:45:12What's the catch?
00:45:13No catch.
00:45:14No catch.
00:45:15No catch.
00:45:16No catch.
00:45:17The catch.
00:45:18Mr..
00:45:19Or shall I say, roughman?
00:45:20Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:22What's up guys?
00:45:23We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:25No cockroaches this time.
00:45:26Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:45:28That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:29This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:31What's the catch?
00:45:33No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:36As simple as that.
00:45:37I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:39Okay. Pulls up first, then...
00:45:41Me.
00:45:42Save the best for last.
00:45:44Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:46Then it's decided.
00:45:51Please, don't take my BMW away!
00:45:54Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:45:57I have nothing left!
00:46:01It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:13It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:23General Eisenhower, sirs!
00:46:25At ease, Lieutenant!
00:46:27This is my Lieutenant. He also manages this boxing show.
00:46:30Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:46:32He's so serious.
00:46:33But, hang on...
00:46:35Lieutenant! I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:38Baby!
00:46:39I decided to take you here on my first date so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:46:43Guns? Like...
00:46:44Murder weapons?
00:46:45Yes!
00:46:46Murder weapons!
00:46:47Murder weapons!
00:46:48You're like my guns, babe!
00:46:54Pretty rock-hard!
00:46:55Yeah!
00:46:56Let me show you what I can do with them!
00:46:57Lieutenant!
00:46:58Come close!
00:46:59Wait!
00:47:00You're just gonna hit him like that?
00:47:01He's not even gonna fight back?
00:47:02Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:03Treason?!
00:47:04You guys are way too serious!
00:47:05Look you rock-hard bitch! I caught you! If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:08Look!
00:47:09You're like my guns, babe!
00:47:10You're like my guns, babe!
00:47:11Pretty rock-hard!
00:47:12Yeah!
00:47:13Let me show you what I can do with them!
00:47:15Lieutenant!
00:47:16Come close!
00:47:17Wait!
00:47:18You're just gonna hit him like that?
00:47:19He's not even gonna fight back?
00:47:20Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:22Treason?
00:47:23You guys are way too serious.
00:47:26Look, you rock-hard bitch! I caught you!
00:47:29If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:32Look!
00:47:33Lieutenant!
00:47:34He's your attack!
00:47:47You dare try to hurt my wife?!
00:47:51I will make you pay!
00:47:54If you don't need to keep beating him up, we could just take him to the cops!
00:47:58Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:03He's always a bit violent! Some might call it being protective!
00:48:09Poor anger issues!
00:48:11What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:15Is he gonna be, like, rough?
00:48:18Hey, some girls are into that!
00:48:20I don't know if I am!
00:48:22Well, maybe Shane will be your type!
00:48:26Your date with Shane starts... now!
00:48:32Hey!
00:48:33Hey!
00:48:35Hey!
00:48:36Cool ride!
00:48:38A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife!
00:48:42Impressive!
00:48:43Your breath smells like peppermint!
00:48:49Refreshing!
00:48:50I got cool mint too!
00:48:52Huh?
00:48:53Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:55What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:48:59Fruit flavored gum!
00:49:01I can't stand those!
00:49:02So, where are you taking me tonight?
00:49:04Let me show you!
00:49:05Okay!
00:49:06Dr. Wilson!
00:49:07A VIP of VIPs!
00:49:08Right this way!
00:49:09VIP of VIPs?
00:49:10Ah!
00:49:11Just some other guy saved!
00:49:12I forget who!
00:49:13You saved a lot of football!
00:49:14I'll do what I can!
00:49:15Oh my gosh!
00:49:16It's my gold digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband!
00:49:19Sandra Miller!
00:49:20What are you doing here?
00:49:21I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs!
00:49:22Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and
00:49:43Kaylee Vanderbilt up!
00:49:45How low of you!
00:49:46What are you doing here Sandra?
00:49:49Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember!
00:49:52I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high-end you couldn't even afford even if you sold your organs!
00:49:58The auction begins!
00:50:00I'll deal with you later!
00:50:02Here I'll just be one sec!
00:50:09Cameron!
00:50:11I have a task for you!
00:50:13Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary!
00:50:18Cleopatra's Armband!
00:50:20Sold by our vendor Sandra Miller!
00:50:24For five million dollars!
00:50:26Excuse me!
00:50:28I'd like to donate this piece to auction!
00:50:31It's Queen Victoria's ring!
00:50:33I'd like to donate this piece to auction!
00:50:37It's Queen Victoria's ring!
00:50:38What are you doing?
00:50:39Just watch!
00:50:41Come on!
00:50:43That is Queen Victoria's ring!
00:50:44Please!
00:50:45I'm an expert and that's a fake!
00:50:46She probably got it at the flea market she works at!
00:50:47You work at a flea market?
00:50:48Not this again!
00:50:49Cut the bullshit!
00:50:50That wouldn't even sell for five dollars!
00:50:51Oh yeah!
00:50:52Here you want it?
00:50:53For free!
00:50:54Ew!
00:50:55I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler!
00:50:56Well, that's too bad then!
00:50:57Because you are the fraud!
00:50:58What are you talking about?
00:50:59Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:00Throw them out!
00:51:01Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine!
00:51:02But we're professionals!
00:51:03Oh yeah!
00:51:04You work at a flea market!
00:51:05You work at a flea market!
00:51:06Not this again!
00:51:07Cut the bullshit!
00:51:08That wouldn't even sell for five dollars!
00:51:09Oh yeah!
00:51:10Here, you want it?
00:51:11For free!
00:51:12Ew!
00:51:13I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler!
00:51:15Well, that's too bad then!
00:51:16Because you are the fraud!
00:51:18What are you talking about?
00:51:19Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:20Throw them out!
00:51:21Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine!
00:51:24But we're professionals!
00:51:26Oh yeah?
00:51:27And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:30Yeah!
00:51:31Mine is the real thing!
00:51:33You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items!
00:51:38What was that so?
00:51:39What a so-called expert fell to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:43Dear Lord, this is real!
00:51:48It's authentic!
00:51:49It's Queen Victoria's ring!
00:51:52Oh my goodness!
00:51:54Oh my goodness!
00:51:55Cameron!
00:51:56What have you found?
00:51:57Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:00It's a replica!
00:52:01They have the same one right here at the flea market!
00:52:06So, you are the fraud!
00:52:10You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes!
00:52:13And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:17One fifty!
00:52:18Wow!
00:52:19Not even five dollars!
00:52:21Sandra!
00:52:22You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:26Arrest her!
00:52:27No!
00:52:28Please!
00:52:29He was just this one time!
00:52:31Please!
00:52:32What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:34Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewellery for the Emperor of Japan!
00:52:38Bye!
00:52:39Lackalista from the jewellery industry forever!
00:52:50I had a really great time tonight!
00:52:53Me too!
00:52:54May I have a kiss?
00:52:56Is something wrong?
00:53:12Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:18Yep!
00:53:21You never have to worry about stinky breath for me!
00:53:24You always have a bunch of money, Cooper!
00:53:37I don't have any money!
00:53:39How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:42I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg!
00:53:49Stop!
00:53:54Mr. Landeville!
00:53:57Mr. Buffett!
00:54:02This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project!
00:54:05That's right!
00:54:06Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you!
00:54:08I knew Angela was still in love with me!
00:54:11I knew Angela was still in love with me!
00:54:14No, no, sir!
00:54:15Sorry about those injuries from earlier!
00:54:17It was all just...
00:54:18I don't understand!
00:54:20Yeah, we could be partners again!
00:54:22And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:28You?
00:54:29Angela still loves me!
00:54:30She's just throwing a fit!
00:54:31She'll be back to me soon enough!
00:54:33Yeah!
00:54:34Do you need any help in winning her back?
00:54:36We can give you jewelry to give to her!
00:54:38I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago, but now they're all begging me to help them out!
00:54:44It feels so damn good to be in power!
00:54:47Sure!
00:54:49I'll put in a good word for you!
00:54:51I just need...
00:54:52Anything!
00:54:53You tell us, we'll give you anything!
00:54:55Once I take everything from these idiots, I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge!
00:55:02I'll give you the contract to Jericho, just like you asked me to!
00:55:10Well done, he'll be fucked soon!
00:55:13Well done, he'll be fucked soon!
00:55:17I don't get it, Ms. Musk!
00:55:19That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:21It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit!
00:55:24And if you can't, then what?
00:55:26He'll be bankrupt!
00:55:27So as long as he's greedy enough to take it!
00:55:30I'm avenging my best friend!
00:55:34I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing!
00:55:43I signed the Maple Plaza project!
00:55:47We should celebrate!
00:55:48You did?!
00:55:49You see, I know my son has it in him!
00:55:52That skank, Angela, is nothing next to you!
00:55:55And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart!
00:55:58Actually, it's thanks to Angela!
00:56:03What?!
00:56:04You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?!
00:56:07Oh, no, no, no, no, he's not!
00:56:09Jared, what are you doing?!
00:56:11You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you!
00:56:15It's my decision, Mom!
00:56:17I'm the head of the house here!
00:56:19I'm telling my dad!
00:56:21Fine!
00:56:22Go right ahead!
00:56:23He has enough problems himself!
00:56:24If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece!
00:56:27But if not, you can scram!
00:56:30Dad!
00:56:31Jared is being mean to me!
00:56:33Teach him a lesson!
00:56:34Kayleigh, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:36Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now!
00:56:40Don't get on his bad side!
00:56:42We can't afford to piss him off!
00:56:44So do as he says!
00:56:46But Dad!
00:56:54I'm sorry.
00:56:56Be your side piece.
00:56:57Very good!
00:56:59I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:00Now let's go celebrate!
00:57:01I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:09But that tongue action, though.
00:57:12Tongue is important.
00:57:13In more than just one spot.
00:57:15Arlene, we are in public!
00:57:16That's true!
00:57:17Oh!
00:57:18Stomachache!
00:57:19Again?
00:57:20I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:22Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:24Okay?
00:57:25Devin's late.
00:57:27Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:30This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:35It's her!
00:57:37And she's alone, with no one to save her!
00:57:42You whore!
00:57:43You seduced my son so he could back with you!
00:57:50Let me tell you.
00:57:51I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:56Oh!
00:57:57Hey!
00:57:58You guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:03Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this!
00:58:06What?
00:58:07Why do I have to leave?
00:58:08She's the one starting shit!
00:58:09Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:11You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:14And my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract!
00:58:18He's still got the contract?
00:58:20Hmm.
00:58:21Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:23Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:27Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:30Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:32Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:36You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:43My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:46One thousand dollars to take her away.
00:58:49Two thousand dollars to drag her away.
00:58:52Five thousand dollars to beat her away.
00:58:55Oh!
00:58:56Oh!
00:58:57Hey!
00:58:58Hey!
00:58:59Ow!
00:59:00Hey!
00:59:01Stop!
00:59:02You okay?
00:59:03Yeah.
00:59:04Are you hurt?
00:59:06Weakling.
00:59:07You!
00:59:08You!
00:59:09Just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced!
00:59:13And now you have two more?
00:59:14What a whore!
00:59:15What a whore!
00:59:16What a whore!
00:59:17Yeah.
00:59:18And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:20What if she has an STD?
00:59:21Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD!
00:59:23Let's go!
00:59:24We'll expose her to Jared!
00:59:25Hang on!
00:59:26What do you want?
00:59:27I'll scream!
00:59:28I don't hate women!
00:59:29But I never said I don't kill them!
00:59:30But I never said I don't kill them!
00:59:31Oh, god.
00:59:33He is a murderer.
00:59:34Jared!
00:59:35Hang on.
00:59:36What do you want?
00:59:38I'll scream!
00:59:39I don't hear a woman.
00:59:41But I never said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:44But I never said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:47Oh, God.
00:59:49He is a murderer.
00:59:50What if he murders me?
00:59:52Not him.
00:59:53Definitely not him.
00:59:55We're not afraid of you.
01:00:00That's enough.
01:00:01This isn't a war zone.
01:00:03You'll be removed from being a five-star general
01:00:05if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:07I was just messing with him.
01:00:09Was he, though?
01:00:11We're not afraid of you.
01:00:13Jared!
01:00:14You have to avenge us.
01:00:16Look at this slut.
01:00:17She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:19She's cheating on you.
01:00:20Don't get back with her.
01:00:21Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:23I apologize for this scene.
01:00:25I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately
01:00:27so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:29Who did you say you were gonna toss out?
01:00:31The potty crashers.
01:00:33Oh.
01:00:34You have any idea who that is?
01:00:35That's my wife.
01:00:36Please, save that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:38That's right.
01:00:39Know your place.
01:00:40Shut up.
01:00:41She's cheating on you.
01:00:42I know your place.
01:00:43You're just a side piece.
01:00:44If I still want you, that is.
01:00:46Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:47This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:00:48You slap her for this whore?
01:00:49Mom!
01:00:50I really think there's something, huh?
01:00:51Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:00:53She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:00:55I only got the maple closet project because she gave it to me.
01:00:59What?
01:01:00You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:07Uh.
01:01:08I'm sorry.
01:01:09No.
01:01:10This can't be.
01:01:11I made you divorce.
01:01:14Go home.
01:01:15You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:17Where are you?
01:01:18What?
01:01:19I gave it to me.
01:01:20What?
01:01:21You, apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:23Uh.
01:01:24I'm sorry.
01:01:28No.
01:01:30Th-th-th-this can't be.
01:01:33I made you divorce.
01:01:35Go home.
01:01:39You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:42I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:51Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:54I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:57I didn't come here for you.
01:02:00I'm on a date.
01:02:02A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:05She really is a whore.
01:02:07And now please forgive me.
01:02:09I really do love you.
01:02:12Oh-ho! Lady Larkhart is here!
01:02:17Oh-ho! Lady Larkhart is here!
01:02:20Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's effort.
01:02:25We're too old for that.
01:02:26They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:29Please, you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:34Oh, yes, please, Miss Larkhart, join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:40What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:46Again?
01:02:47Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:49No.
01:02:51Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:54I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:59Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:03I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:05Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:07Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:09I'll prove it to you.
01:03:11You want a chance?
01:03:13Angela, no.
01:03:14You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:17Don't take him back.
01:03:18I'll give you two choices.
01:03:23I'll give you two choices.
01:03:27Me.
01:03:28Or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:31No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:34If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:38But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:42The choice is all yours.
01:03:44So that's a tough choice.
01:03:46You think so?
01:03:47He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:51Either way, he benefits.
01:03:53Why can't I have both?
01:03:55You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:00I deserve the contract.
01:04:02Did you really?
01:04:07Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:10He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:13Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:15I, uh, I choose the contract.
01:04:18I knew it.
01:04:19You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:22With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:27Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:32Let me show you something.
01:04:33You saved me.
01:04:46You saved me.
01:04:51You saved me.
01:04:52I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:04:59But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:04No, no.
01:05:05I wasn't lying.
01:05:07I just couldn't, can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:10Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:21What?
01:05:22Me?
01:05:23And Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:26No way.
01:05:27You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:31You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually, they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:41Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:44Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:48Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:51I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:54Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:05:59No, it's not your fault.
01:06:01They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for a lot of-
01:06:04Oh, God.
01:06:05No.
01:06:05Not that again.
01:06:06Please.
01:06:08Max.
01:06:10You know what to do.
01:06:21The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:34How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you?
01:06:36And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:40I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:46I am Crypto-Punk number two!
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:53That's more bizarre than Spider-Man!
01:06:56You're Crypto-Punk number two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto-Punk number one.
01:07:02See?
01:07:02You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:07Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:11So, how about our date?
01:07:16I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:22I'll spy too.
01:07:35They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:38I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:42Yes!
01:07:43I'm rich!
01:07:44I think we'll make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:56The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I'm just a little Lockhart.
01:08:10You tricked me!
01:08:11Hey!
01:08:12Oh, allow me.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:32Cheers.
01:08:32This looks good.
01:08:47Did you use my spices?
01:08:49I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:51You can have all the money and power in the world, and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:01Couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:02Angel, your future with me?
01:09:14It's going to be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:17Go to the stairs.
01:09:18Wow, Devin, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years
01:09:42just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela.
01:09:48I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:55That's right.
01:09:56I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually, maybe Devin, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You're my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:14Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:22Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:28All you do is babble on and on about internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:45Hey!
01:10:46Get away from me!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:47Feisty girl.
01:10:51I like her.
01:10:54No!
01:10:58How is he?
01:11:03It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:08Astaga, salty.
01:11:10Can it be cured?
01:11:11I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:13It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:18Household salt.
01:11:18I like her.
01:11:27There you go.
01:11:31I don't know what time is it.
01:11:34Shoot, I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:48So, that's how I...
01:11:50Well, we...
01:11:52All met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55Should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:58Matthew Richards.
01:11:59The guy who poisoned me.
01:12:01Attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:04I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:08Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Yeah.
01:12:10Angela?
01:12:11Your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know, they all loved and fought for you for three years.
01:12:17Who will you pick?
01:12:23How couldn't it be?
01:12:25Angela Lockhart?
01:12:27Isn't Aaron's?
01:12:32Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:37Bankrupt?
01:12:37The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:41Well then, get out of here.
01:12:43You can't do this to me!
01:12:48Jared!
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:01What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:06We're here to recompose your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14What?
01:13:15What?
01:13:16No!
01:13:16No!
01:13:17No!
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:23Who will you pick?
01:13:26I brought you fried chicken?
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:38Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right.
01:13:41I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:47Hey, stop.
01:13:49Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to the Bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:57I mean, Angela Lockhart.
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:02Today, our heiress Bachelorette will choose
01:14:05which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:15Oh, or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:22Uh, looks like our Bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:27Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:30But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:35and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela.
01:14:41Angela.
01:14:42Oh, I...
01:14:44I need more time to think.
01:14:52Uh, while our Bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:56why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:04There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:11who has huge biceps,
01:15:14a massive chest,
01:15:16who would protect their wife.
01:15:18Okay, thank you.
01:15:23Uh, Shane?
01:15:26Muscles, money,
01:15:28they'll only get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:32that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:35if you know what I mean.
01:15:36Okay, I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:51I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:53a lot of choices to make.
01:15:54And she's my queen.
01:15:58I just really hope she's okay.
01:16:00And then one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor
01:16:02brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:06That's a good point.
01:16:07It's bad for her heart.
01:16:10And then you.
01:16:11What?
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21No!
01:16:21Hey, you guys.
01:16:29Whoa, break it up.
01:16:30Hey, break it up.
01:16:37Cut to commercial.
01:16:38Cut to commercial.
01:16:39Cut to commercial.
01:16:51This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make
01:16:59in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:11Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh, yeah?
01:17:14I may be a doctor,
01:17:17but like I said,
01:17:18I know and possess
01:17:20the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:24What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:26Fruit-flavored gum.
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:36These stupid profile cards
01:17:41don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:17:44Who made these?
01:17:45It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:10And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:30We may have to work together
01:18:31to take him down.
01:18:40This battle within our heads
01:18:44is the most intense
01:18:45I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down
01:18:49if they decide to team up.
01:18:50Hmm.
01:18:52Winter mint or cool mint?
01:18:58You know,
01:19:00I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:01Really?
01:19:03I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:06So I appreciate that.
01:19:08Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:10And you know,
01:19:11Cool.
01:19:12I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:17Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:19What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always
01:19:22really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:25Yeah.
01:19:26It's fresh, right?
01:19:26Yeah.
01:19:27It's fresh.
01:19:27You know?
01:19:28Yeah.
01:19:29Yeah, yeah.
01:19:30You know, you're actually
01:19:31a really good doctor.
01:19:32Yeah, I appreciate it.
01:19:33I'll check you out.
01:19:34If you need me to look at you,
01:19:35I'll get a cheap question.
01:19:36Hey, me too.
01:19:36I'll take care of you.
01:19:37Yeah, of course.
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:42It was Jared Cooper.
01:19:44That fucker.
01:19:45We have to find her.
01:19:47What the hell?
01:19:47Her ring.
01:19:48Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism
01:19:50on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then.
01:19:53My own.
01:19:54My fiance.
01:19:55My fiance.
01:19:56My fiance.
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:02What am I doing here?
01:20:07You destroyed me.
01:20:11They took everything.
01:20:15What?
01:20:15I have nothing left.
01:20:17It's not my fault.
01:20:19You're too greedy.
01:20:21I was greedy.
01:20:22Did I have sex with my wife?
01:20:24What?
01:20:25I'm not your wife anymore.
01:20:27Oh, yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal.
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:38You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:57Hey!
01:21:01Angela!
01:21:01Come here!
01:21:05You're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:09Oh, yeah?
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:12He really does have everything in us, Coach.
01:21:15Everything except for...
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17Get it already.
01:21:17Just save my boss!
01:21:18You're all good now.
01:21:28Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:33What are you going to do to me?
01:21:35Hey, stop!
01:21:36No!
01:21:36Don't!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:46Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:48Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:56So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59You've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:04And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:12Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:16We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally, the wedding day.
01:22:20But who's the groom?
01:22:34Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:38But who's the groom?
01:22:42Uh, seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:52Oh, this is exciting.
01:22:54Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:58Let me think.
01:23:02I like the doctor.
01:23:04He's cute.
01:23:05But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about Devin Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:15Isn't that right, Devin?
01:23:17Angela.
01:23:17You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:29And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:32But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:37And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:42And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:50I'm just kidding.
01:23:51I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:57Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:01I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:03They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:06So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:12Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:18Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:33And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:38The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devin Sterling.
01:24:45Gentlemen.
01:24:46It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:50All right, guys.
01:24:51May the best man win.
01:24:53May the best man win.
01:24:55Drum roll, please.
01:25:10Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:11I choose...
01:25:20I need a powerful, strong man who is willing to feel like you can protect me.
01:25:36Who could resist those guns?
01:25:37They interest you in an NFD, Ellen.
01:25:42You like full body check-up.
01:25:43I'll be thinking...
01:25:44Shane, it's you.
01:25:59I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:01You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:03Yeah.
01:26:06It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:09Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:10I thought we could go together.
01:26:12I think girls, babe.
01:26:25It's always been you.
01:26:29I'll always love you.
01:26:35Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:41Would you like a full body checkup?
01:26:44Have you seen my murderer weapons?
01:26:46I need fruit flavored gum for you.
01:26:48Let's go.
01:26:50Let's go.
01:26:51Let's go.
01:26:55Let's go.
01:26:55Let's go.
01:26:56Let's go.
01:26:57Let's go.
01:26:59Let's go.
01:27:01Let's go.
01:27:04Let's go.
01:27:06Let's go.
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