- 6 days ago
The Three Badasses Who Want Me - Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen musk the only woman on the forbes 30 under 30 list arrives at Atlanta today what a business
00:00:12tycoon is doing here in Georgia a forgotten stage no one knows Angela my next-door neighbor still
00:00:19selling your hippie junk here if your mother-in-law sees she's gonna throw a big fit again your mother
00:00:27mom is right about you what's the point of watching the news all day about these mongrels if you can't
00:00:32even apply to your penniless self and how do you know that this is none of my all right everybody
00:00:39get out we got an important guest coming you deaf I said pack up and scram I paid this off here already
00:00:54and if you want me to leave then fine but you have to compensate for today's losses I want to say that
00:01:01again you know who's visiting today Ellen freaking musk one of the richest people in the world Ellen
00:01:10musk of course a hick like you probably never heard of her just know that you can't afford to piss her
00:01:16off really Ellen musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market you don't think
00:01:24that she could be coming to see me coming to see you all right you know what I'll play your game if she
00:01:34does it so much as give you a glance I'll I'll eat dirt deal Ellen musk get to the flea market within 10
00:01:52minutes or else you're fired
00:02:04prepare the limo miss law cart requires us immediately ah you're 10 minutes you're so messed up good hope
00:02:27we don't wet your pants five four three two one Ellen uh I mean miss musk Ellen uh I mean uh I'm sorry
00:02:46that I uh sorry to frighten you how's my boss bitch kicking ass girlfriend so how do you like
00:02:56she's my boss and I prefer business partner or best friend no way well no no no I'm sorry for
00:03:14defending your boss no I won't do it again all right that's enough we're not tyrants here
00:03:22sir I found Angela Lockhart
00:03:31you mean Angela Lockhart
00:03:38my runaway pride
00:03:40you made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker who are you
00:03:47where is she Atlanta and you were right it was secretly her propping up Alan Musk my clever
00:03:57bride I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:04:00Max prep the jet I'm heading to Atlanta
00:04:07Dr. Wilson he's having sterling's on the move he's headed to Atlanta Atlanta the game is afoot I'm going
00:04:18wait Dr. Wilson the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention he can wait I need to pick up my bride
00:04:24a pro double action but doctor will be束
00:04:31and Dr. Wilson
00:04:35Kino Aizen are recording
00:04:38Devon sterling in the same person are headed to Atlanta Atlanta
00:04:41where's thatemment
00:04:46my war plate! Dosu going after my fiancée. This is war.
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:12Thank you so much, Ellen. This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:17That project is worth billions. He can finally take his company public.
00:05:21But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:31Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:36Well, three years ago...
00:05:42You saved me.
00:06:00He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly. I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:14But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:21So that's why you have me secretly helping him. I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:28But why work at the flea market? Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:36Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:52Where the hell are you?
00:06:53Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:56Get home stacked!
00:06:58It's a big day today!
00:07:01That was...
00:07:02My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:08But she's gonna be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:14You know, she even remembered our third-year anniversary.
00:07:22Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:26Hi, I'm home.
00:07:28I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:31Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:34Divorce papers.
00:07:39Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:42Oh, God!
00:07:44Don't call me Mom again.
00:07:46We're ending that relationship.
00:07:48Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:51You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:53You don't deserve my son.
00:07:54You're way below his league.
00:07:57I'm below his league?
00:07:59That's right.
00:08:01You are.
00:08:02Jared is signing a hundred-billion-dollar contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:09And then his company's going public.
00:08:11That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:14But you?
00:08:16You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:19Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:08:22And you...
00:08:23You...
00:08:25Will always just be a pawn.
00:08:28Like dirt...
00:08:30On our shoes.
00:08:32Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:34But...
00:08:35Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:37Ha!
00:08:38You're delusional.
00:08:39You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:42How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here!
00:08:45Resorting to lies.
00:08:46Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:48And...
00:08:49Who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:56You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife!
00:09:02Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:04Not a low-life dirtbag!
00:09:07Enough!
00:09:09Jared...
00:09:11I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:14But I am.
00:09:16Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:19Here's 500k.
00:09:21You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:28Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:30I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:36Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:39I didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:42Fine.
00:09:44Here's another 200k.
00:09:46500k is too much for her already.
00:09:49She's done nothing!
00:09:51Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:54She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:56Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:00I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:04You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:10And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench.
00:10:14A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:18What a joke.
00:10:20If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:24And leave!
00:10:28You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:33Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:35I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:39Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:42It's all my work!
00:10:49Baby.
00:10:51We're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:57You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:01So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:06She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:10Fine.
00:11:12I'll sign it.
00:11:14But don't regret it.
00:11:17Regret?
00:11:19Don't know who I am.
00:11:20Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:11:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:29Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:34Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:38It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:41You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:46Social stratum matters.
00:11:49Yeah.
00:11:50Social stratum does matter.
00:11:52And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:56And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:01Ha!
00:12:02You're delusional.
00:12:04Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:06I am!
00:12:10You owe me.
00:12:12You dirty bitch.
00:12:13You sicken me.
00:12:20You hit me.
00:12:24Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:36I don't need your penny money.
00:12:46We're finished.
00:12:48You don't want the money that's your loss.
00:12:51Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:55But I would like my ring back.
00:12:57Oh.
00:13:06Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:17And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:24Isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring?
00:13:28It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:32Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:35Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:37You're right.
00:13:38She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:43Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:48Oh!
00:13:50My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:56Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:57Yeah.
00:13:59And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:02Oh.
00:14:04Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:21Uh, Angela?
00:14:22Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:26Vanderbilt?
00:14:27Yeah.
00:14:28He's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:14:31Basically our employee.
00:14:32Oh, okay.
00:14:33I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow.
00:14:34It's fine.
00:14:35You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:14:36But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:39That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:56Angela Lockhart.
00:14:57I finally found you.
00:14:58Who is he?
00:14:59That.
00:15:00That's Devin Sterling.
00:15:01He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list and early investor of crypto.
00:15:03CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:04Rumor has that he's worth trillions.
00:15:05And he's your fiancé.
00:15:06What?
00:15:07What?
00:15:08My fiancé?
00:15:09The one and only.
00:15:10So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:11Babe?
00:15:12What?
00:15:13What?
00:15:14What?
00:15:15What?
00:15:16What?
00:15:17What?
00:15:18What?
00:15:19What?
00:15:20What?
00:15:21What?
00:15:22What?
00:15:23What?
00:15:24What?
00:15:25What?
00:15:26What?
00:15:27What?
00:15:28What?
00:15:29What?
00:15:30What?
00:15:31What?
00:15:32What?
00:15:33What?
00:15:34What?
00:15:35What?
00:15:36What?
00:15:37What?
00:15:38What?
00:15:39What's up?
00:15:40Who's up?
00:15:41We're up.
00:15:42We're down for three years.
00:15:43Have you figured out how you're gonna make it up to me yet?
00:15:45Babe?
00:15:46Hmm.
00:15:48That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:50What is she doing here?
00:15:55You skank!
00:16:00My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another mayor.
00:16:03hooking up with another man divorced that's right so I guess this was never
00:16:11meant to be mr. Sterling so she has to hide her marital status to find another
00:16:20man guess she's not just a forsaken woman she's also a stinky penniless whore
00:16:28how dare you insult my boss like that who the fuck are you bitch do you know who I am
00:16:37they don't know who you are you hide it well X-Team teach these fools a lesson teach
00:16:48these fools a lesson sir you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and
00:16:56then to New York you forgot to bring the security team
00:17:00mind if I borrow your men
00:17:12toss these ill-mannered apes out oh you bitch I'll have my son teach you a real lesson
00:17:19a kiss as a reward my lady no
00:17:29guest list is very distinguished tonight you've got bill ford harvey buffett old money like me
00:17:44gentlemen harvey bill this is jared cooper
00:17:48pleased to meet you all your family's all started empires after the industrial revolution what an
00:17:53honor i heard you secured the maple plaza project that's worth billions of dollars congrats you'll be
00:18:00next thank you but we haven't received a contract yet we deserve it hard oh that's nothing i introduced
00:18:06this kid to ellen musk yeah vanderbilts and miss musk have always had a good relationship
00:18:11so thought i'd help the kid out pull a few strings thank you mr manville now we just have to impress
00:18:18miss musk's special guest of honor yes i heard they're a very important powerful guest even wealthier
00:18:27than ellen musk now if we can just secure a position with this big shot we can feast for generations
00:18:35up to my best
00:18:44excuse me second children what if it's the prince of bhutan
00:18:51how did hobo like you sneak in here me a hobo how did cheating scumbag like you sneak in here
00:18:59sleep your way in i told you angela lockhart don't bother stalking me nothing will come of it and it
00:19:04only sickens me further don't flatter yourself this is your ex-husband what were you blindfolded when
00:19:16you married him who the hell is this you were cheating on me
00:19:20son you have to avenge me and kaylee that wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs
00:19:38and a gigolo to beat us up they even took kaylee's tiara
00:19:52son you dare hurt my mom and kaylee get your hands off her
00:20:01son you dare a girl
00:20:06my lady
00:20:21my queen
00:20:29It's...
00:20:33It's him!
00:20:36He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:40Who are these peasants?
00:20:41These seats are reserved for the Ellen Musker's special guest!
00:20:46Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:49You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:53Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:55That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:57You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:21:00His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:04The Civil War would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:08Vanderbilt.
00:21:09The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:14who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:18That, Lolly Vanderbilt family?
00:21:27Oh, goddammit, a stomach ache now?
00:21:34Whatever.
00:21:35Angela can handle herself.
00:21:37She'll be fine.
00:21:37How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:53I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett,
00:21:54the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:57I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:02And I can wipe you out with a strand of my hair.
00:22:07Not with me around.
00:22:08I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:13You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:18You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:21We've had enough of your games.
00:22:23Security!
00:22:24Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:26It looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:30But don't worry.
00:22:31You got new money, yeah.
00:22:35I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:37Yes, my queen.
00:22:39You're all despicable.
00:22:42An insult to your family names.
00:22:47Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:51Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:54Cut off all business ties.
00:22:56And if you don't,
00:22:58I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:03Ha!
00:23:04I knew it!
00:23:05You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:07You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:09How much money did you spend on that getup
00:23:10to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:13You're an orphan
00:23:14who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:17You have nothing.
00:23:18And you will always be nothing.
00:23:22She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger?
00:23:25Gigolo.
00:23:27Want to try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:35They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:40She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:42Oh, I'm going to kill that sushi chef.
00:23:46Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:53You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:56And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:58Who?
00:23:59You!
00:24:01Insolent fools.
00:24:03Let me guess.
00:24:04You're that special guest?
00:24:07I don't know.
00:24:09Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:12Ha!
00:24:12Back down, Max.
00:24:24I got this.
00:24:25What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:53I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:25:10Angela!
00:25:12Don't hurt her!
00:25:13You bitch.
00:25:14I've always been sick of you.
00:25:16You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:17How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:20Boss?
00:25:20Did she say her boss?
00:25:22Oh, Miss Musk.
00:25:24That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:26That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:28My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:32Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:35Past the American Revolution?
00:25:37Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:38If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:42That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:43She's royalty.
00:25:44And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:49What do you want to do?
00:25:50Kneel to me.
00:25:52Oh, your majesty.
00:25:55Welcome to the United States.
00:25:58We've always been your loyal subject.
00:26:00Yes, your highness.
00:26:03Is it a queen or princess?
00:26:05It doesn't matter.
00:26:07My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:10We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:13What are you doing, idiot?
00:26:15Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:17What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:29She's a badass herself.
00:26:48He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:50You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:55Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:58No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:26:59I worked hard for everything.
00:27:01You worked for everything?
00:27:08Hi, honey.
00:27:10So, our third year anniversary is coming up,
00:27:13and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:27:15I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:17I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Closet Project,
00:27:21and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:25Oh, my God.
00:27:27Oh, my God.
00:27:27Oh, my God.
00:27:29You were nothing before me.
00:27:34All your achievements, all your glory,
00:27:37that's all mine,
00:27:39including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:41I can take all of that away just like that.
00:27:46No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:48So, that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:52Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:56Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:58It was Queen Victoria's,
00:27:59and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:03No, I gave you back the ring.
00:28:10I divorced a royal heiress.
00:28:12No, no, please, no, no, please take me back, baby, I still love you.
00:28:16Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:27No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:28:36Guard these two again.
00:28:37Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:41President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:43After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:45each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:28:48the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:50Glad you buffoons know your history.
00:28:52Sorry, I'm late, babe.
00:28:53I got lost trying to find Atlanta,
00:28:55then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:02And that there is,
00:29:03that is the legendary boy genius Dr. Wilson.
00:29:07He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:09Dr. House?
00:29:10Yes.
00:29:11I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:12Oh, no, that's based on real figure.
00:29:14Yep, that's me.
00:29:15Son of James House.
00:29:17Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:19I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:23So he's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 years.
00:29:28And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:37Hey, Alan, who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:41Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:29:44What?
00:29:46Fiancés?
00:29:49Plural?
00:29:50Fiancés?
00:29:51Plural?
00:29:53Watch it, nerds.
00:29:54I'm her fiancée.
00:29:56No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:57You can both shut up.
00:29:58I'm her fiancée.
00:30:00It's you.
00:30:01It's me.
00:30:02Who the hell is he?
00:30:03I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:05How are all three of these men my fiancés?
00:30:11Uh, your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because you
00:30:14decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:18She has three badass fiancés and she marries his dumbass.
00:30:25Whatever.
00:30:26Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:29At your service.
00:30:30Me too.
00:30:32One down, two more to go.
00:30:33She's become queen.
00:30:34Bishop to G4.
00:30:36At your service.
00:30:38Me too.
00:30:44One down, two more to go.
00:30:46She's become queen.
00:30:47Bishop to G4.
00:30:53What is that?
00:30:56The most German festive water in the Nile River.
00:31:02Rook to A8.
00:31:06Hello?
00:31:12I thought I was king.
00:31:13No, you wish.
00:31:14The king doesn't do anything.
00:31:16So, Ellen can be my king.
00:31:18Oh, fine.
00:31:23Bankrupt the Fords right this second.
00:31:30I...
00:31:32I've been bankrupt!
00:31:33No!
00:31:36I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:49Well, guess what?
00:31:50Game over.
00:31:51Alright, boys.
00:31:52Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:54Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:57I'm right with you!
00:32:00Wait for me!
00:32:01Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:32:03Angela!
00:32:04You already have three fiancés?
00:32:18You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:20I...
00:32:21want compensation.
00:32:23You greedy SOB.
00:32:27Who the fuck is that?
00:32:28My ex-husband.
00:32:29Wait.
00:32:30You were married?
00:32:31Yeah.
00:32:32And if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:36More for me.
00:32:37No, no.
00:32:38Of course not.
00:32:39Just...
00:32:40Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:42Don't steal my joke.
00:32:44I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:46All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:49What?
00:32:50Is there something on my face?
00:32:51Uh, yeah.
00:32:52Murderous intent.
00:32:54Let's remarry.
00:32:56Let's remarry.
00:32:58You still don't realize.
00:33:01I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:05Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:32We need to wreck right away.
00:33:34Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:39Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:43She should be okay now.
00:33:48Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here.
00:33:50I'll be right back.
00:34:00You saved me.
00:34:04Fuck.
00:34:05And wittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:09Fuck.
00:34:10And wittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:12You've cheated on me.
00:34:14You've hit me.
00:34:15And you've insulted me.
00:34:17And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:21I fucking hate you.
00:34:23Middle Lady Lockhart.
00:34:25What?
00:34:26What now?
00:34:27Yes.
00:34:28We understand that you are a very busy person.
00:34:32But if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:36How about us three?
00:34:37Yes.
00:34:38Unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:40Yeah, no.
00:34:41You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:43But...
00:34:44This is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:45We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:46No.
00:34:47No.
00:34:48We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockhart.
00:34:53Help me.
00:34:54I'll get you for this!
00:34:57Never should have listened to you.
00:34:58I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:23So, what's the situation here?
00:35:27I don't want to marry you!
00:35:37I don't want to marry you!
00:35:40Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:47But, what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer?
00:35:52Much longer than just a few hours.
00:35:54Much longer.
00:35:58Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:36:07My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:09Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:11The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:14Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:16I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing blood-sucking free little husband of yours.
00:36:24Can't call his name, but anyway, congratulations!
00:36:28I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:34You must pick one of them to marry, otherwise...
00:36:38Let me do it.
00:36:40You must choose one of them in seven days, otherwise...
00:36:44We'll kill ourselves.
00:36:46Mom!
00:36:48All right, honey, that's it.
00:36:50Bye!
00:36:51Bye!
00:36:56So, who are you going to choose?
00:37:00Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:05Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:10That seems greedy.
00:37:18But...
00:37:19I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:22Hey!
00:37:23I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:26I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:31Whoa, okay.
00:37:32No murder, please.
00:37:33I was just kidding.
00:37:35We have seven days to win her over.
00:37:39Ooh.
00:37:40It's like the Bachelorette.
00:37:42I know.
00:37:43We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:47Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:37:51Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:56What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:59You'll see.
00:38:05Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:38:10All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:13And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman
00:38:16from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:18What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love
00:38:22for our single but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:25Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:37It's up to the final two.
00:38:55Crunchy.
00:38:56That is sick, Cole.
00:38:57Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield,
00:38:58you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:38:59There are two more left.
00:39:00Want to try one?
00:39:01Oh my god, no!
00:39:02No!
00:39:03No!
00:39:04Oh my god, save me!
00:39:05What?
00:39:06Save you!
00:39:07Save me!
00:39:08Save me!
00:39:09Ah!
00:39:10I'm a German folk.
00:39:11No!
00:39:12No!
00:39:13No!
00:39:14No!
00:39:15No!
00:39:16No!
00:39:17No!
00:39:18No!
00:39:19No!
00:39:20No!
00:39:21No!
00:39:22No!
00:39:23No!
00:39:24I'm a German folk doctor.
00:39:26These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:44Thank god you're here.
00:39:48Are you alright honey?
00:39:49Angela!
00:39:54All right, you won the first challenge. So your reward you get to watch over her for the night
00:40:00Just don't cross the line if you know what I mean. I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about
00:40:11Honestly, even if you guys fuck it's not like it's against the rules or anything. At least my girlfriend gets them
00:40:16I bet her husband has a small dick anyway
00:40:18They're cockroaches. They're gone. They're gone. There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:27I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow
00:40:34I need a drink
00:40:43Whoa easy you're on an empty stomach
00:40:48Are you trying to drink away your sorrows Angela?
00:40:54You guys were right
00:40:56I was blind for marrying that asshole
00:40:59You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him
00:41:05He never even loved me and I gave up my entire career for him
00:41:09Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:21You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in
00:41:27What?
00:41:31You're number one here
00:41:33You know
00:41:38You know, we've known each other kind of a long time
00:41:42Lies
00:41:45You all just want something from me
00:41:52Angela
00:41:52I know I know it's hard to trust again
00:41:57But I assure you I don't care
00:42:01what family you're from
00:42:03I'm the richest man in the nation. I don't need your your power your your status your wealth your connections
00:42:12I just need you
00:42:13I'll prove my love to you within six days I promise
00:42:30Screw the contest I just want love
00:42:36Angela you're drunk
00:42:39I'm an adult can't I go just get what she wants
00:42:41It's okay
00:42:48But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing
00:42:52Well, they're not mutually exclusive either
00:43:04This is what you want
00:43:11Never mind
00:43:31Your penis
00:43:32Nine inch penis.
00:43:34Morning to you too.
00:43:36You sure you were drunk last night?
00:43:38You wouldn't-
00:43:39A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:43:44Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:47But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:50Because then they would-
00:43:52Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:54Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:57I won the first challenge and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:44:04Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:10Are you sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:14It's not.
00:44:17Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:21I won't tell.
00:44:24But only on one condition.
00:44:27You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:35Fine.
00:44:39I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:43You never noticed me.
00:44:48Well, uh...
00:44:49You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:52It's only 7 a.m. She's still sleeping.
00:44:57I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:58Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:04Morning, gentlemen. Oh, or shall I say Ruffman?
00:45:08Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:11What's up, guys?
00:45:12We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:15No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:20This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:22I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26The second challenge is...
00:45:29A date.
00:45:30Lane, I should have asked for something else.
00:45:32A date? That's it.
00:45:34What's the catch?
00:45:36No catch. Just who Miss Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:39As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:42Okay, goals up first. Then...
00:45:44Me.
00:45:45Save the best for last.
00:45:48Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:49Then it's decided.
00:45:54Please, don't take my BMW away!
00:45:57Too bad.
00:45:58You pissed off the Lockhart's.
00:46:01I have nothing left!
00:46:10It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:16It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:18You know Eisenhower, sirs?
00:46:28Please, Lieutenant!
00:46:29This is my Lieutenant.
00:46:31He also manages this boxing job.
00:46:33Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:46:34He's so serious.
00:46:36But, hang on.
00:46:38Lieutenant!
00:46:39I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:41Baby!
00:46:42I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:46:46Guns? Like...
00:46:47Murder weapons?
00:46:49Yes.
00:46:50Murder weapons.
00:46:51You're like my guns, babe.
00:47:12Pretty rock hard.
00:47:13Yeah.
00:47:15Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:17Lieutenant!
00:47:18Come close!
00:47:21Wait!
00:47:21You're just going to hit him like that?
00:47:23He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:24Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:26Treason?
00:47:27You guys are way too serious.
00:47:30Look, you awkward bitch!
00:47:31I caught you!
00:47:32If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:35Lieutenant!
00:47:36Lieutenant!
00:47:37Pinser attack!
00:47:46Ah!
00:47:49You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:54I will make you pay!
00:47:57You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:47:59We could just take him to the cops.
00:48:01Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:05He's always a bit violent.
00:48:11Some might call it being protective.
00:48:12Poor anger issues.
00:48:14What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:19Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:22Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:24I don't know if I am.
00:48:27Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:29Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:39Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:45Impressive.
00:48:46Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:52Refreshing.
00:48:54I got cool mint, too.
00:48:56Huh?
00:48:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:59What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:02Fruit flavor, girl.
00:49:03I can't stand those.
00:49:04So, where are you taking me tonight?
00:49:07Let me show you.
00:49:15Dr. Wilson!
00:49:17A VIP of VIPs!
00:49:19Right this way.
00:49:20VIP of VIPs?
00:49:22Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:49:24I forget who.
00:49:25You saved a lot of football.
00:49:27I'll do what I can.
00:49:30Oh, my gosh.
00:49:31It's my gold-deeking neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:36Sandra Miller.
00:49:37What are you doing here?
00:49:38I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:41Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:43and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:49How low of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:55I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces.
00:49:57So high-end, you couldn't even afford
00:49:59even if you sold your organs.
00:50:01The auction begins.
00:50:03I'll deal with you later.
00:50:06Here, I'll just be one sec.
00:50:13Cameron.
00:50:14I have a task for you.
00:50:17Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:22Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:23Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:27For five million dollars.
00:50:30Excuse me.
00:50:32I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:34It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:37I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:40It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:41What are you doing?
00:50:43Just watch.
00:50:44That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:53Please.
00:50:53I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:55She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:00Not this again.
00:51:01Cut the bullshit.
00:51:02That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:06Here, you want it?
00:51:06For free.
00:51:07Ew.
00:51:08I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then.
00:51:14Because you are the fraud.
00:51:17What are you talking about?
00:51:19Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:21Throw them out.
00:51:23Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine.
00:51:26But we're professionals.
00:51:28Oh yeah?
00:51:29And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:33Yeah.
00:51:34Mine is the real thing.
00:51:35You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:41What was that so?
00:51:41Would a so-called expert fail to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:46Dear Lord.
00:51:48This is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:57Cameron, what have you found?
00:52:00Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:03It's a replica.
00:52:05They have the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:08So, you are the fraud.
00:52:13You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:16And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:19$150.
00:52:20Wow, not even five dollars, Sandra.
00:52:25You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:29Arrest her!
00:52:30No!
00:52:31Please!
00:52:31This is my time!
00:52:33Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:37Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:52:41Bye.
00:52:41You've got the lackluster from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:53I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:55Me too.
00:52:57May I have a kiss?
00:52:59I had a kiss already.
00:53:14Something wrong?
00:53:15Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:17Yep, you never have to worry about stinky breath for me.
00:53:36You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:40I don't have any money.
00:53:42How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:44I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:53:51Stop!
00:53:56Mr. Vandeville, Mr. Buffett.
00:54:05This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:07That's right. Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:11I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:14I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:16No, no. Sorry about those injuries from earlier. It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:22Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:25And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:31Angela still loves me. She's just throwing a fit. She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:35Yeah. Do you need any help winning her back? We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:41I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago, and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:45It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:49Sure. I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:53I just need...
00:54:54Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:57Once I take everything from these idiots, I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:04I'm giving a contract to Jarrett Cooper just like you asked me to.
00:55:13Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:17Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:20I don't get it, Miss Musk.
00:55:21My contract has a preliminary clause. It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:27And if he cared, then what?
00:55:29He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:30So as long as his greeting has to take it.
00:55:34I'm avenging my best friend. I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:46I signed the Maple Plaza project. We should celebrate.
00:55:50You did?
00:55:52You see, I know my son has it in him. That skank, Angela, is nothing next to you.
00:55:58And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:01Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:06What?
00:56:08You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:11Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not.
00:56:13Jared, what are you doing? You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:17It's my decision, Mom. I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:21I'm telling my dad.
00:56:23Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:26If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece. But if not, you can scram.
00:56:31Dad, Jared is being mean to me. Teach him a lesson.
00:56:35Kayleigh, be a good girl, okay? Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now. Don't get on his bad side. We can't afford to piss him off. So do as he says.
00:56:48What's that?
00:56:56I'm sorry. Be your side piece.
00:57:00Very good. I'm happy you've come around. Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:07I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:11But that tongue action, though. Tongue is important. In more than just one spot.
00:57:17Arlene, we are in public. It's true.
00:57:20Stomachache. Again?
00:57:22I have to run to the bathroom. Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:26Okay.
00:57:28Devin's late. Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:31This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:40She's alone. With no one to save her.
00:57:44You whore. You seduced my son so he could get back with you.
00:57:52Let me tell you. I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:58Oh!
00:58:01Hey, you guys can fight all you want. You need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:05Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:08What? Why do I have to leave? She's the one starting shit.
00:58:11Because I have money and you don't. You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:16And my son just signed a $100 billion contract.
00:58:20He's still got the contract? Hmm. Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:24Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:29Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:31Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:38You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:44My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:47$1,000 to take her away. $2,000 to drag her away. $5,000 to beat her away.
00:59:00Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey! Ow! Hey!
00:59:03Stop!
00:59:05You okay? Are you hurt?
00:59:07Weakling.
00:59:08You! You! Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more? What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:23Yeah. And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:26What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go. We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:36Hang on.
00:59:38What do you want?
00:59:39I-I-I'll scream!
00:59:41I don't hear a woman. But I never said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:46But I never said I don't kill a woman. I said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:50Oh, God. He is a murderer. What if he murders me?
00:59:55Not him. Definitely not him.
00:59:56We're not afraid of you.
01:00:02That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:00:05You'll be removed from being a five star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:10I was just messing with him.
01:00:12Was he though?
01:00:13We're not afraid of you.
01:00:15Jared! You have to avenge us. Look at this slut.
01:00:19She's found two more boy toys. She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:00:22Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you. I apologize for this scene. I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to his salvation banquet.
01:00:31Who did you say you were going to toss out? Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:35The potty crashers.
01:00:36You have any idea who that is? That's my wife.
01:00:43Please, save that title for the real spank over there.
01:00:46That's right. Know your place.
01:00:48Shut up.
01:00:49She's cheating on you.
01:00:52Know your place. You're just a side piece. If I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad? This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter. You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:04They really think there's something, huh?
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:11She's richer even than Ellen Musk. I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:17What?
01:01:19You, apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:23I'm sorry.
01:01:30No. This can't be. I made you divorce.
01:01:39Go home. You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:43I apologize on behalf of my mother. Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements. I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:58I didn't come here for you. I'm on a date.
01:02:03A date with two men at the same time? She really is a whore.
01:02:08Angela, please forgive me. I really do love you.
01:02:11Oh-ho! Lady Larkhart is here!
01:02:17Oh-ho! Lady Larkhart is here!
01:02:21Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's effort. We're too old for that.
01:02:28They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:30Please, you gave me the contract so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:35Oh, yes, please, Miss Larkhart, join us. We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:42What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:44Where were you?
01:02:46Stomach issues.
01:02:48Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:51No.
01:02:52Let me make myself clear, okay? I would rather die than be with you again.
01:03:00Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:04I can't lose face in front of these pricks. Otherwise, they'll cut me off too.
01:03:08Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance. I'll prove it to you.
01:03:12You want a chance?
01:03:14Angela, no. You have three great guys here who all want to marry you. Don't take him back.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:28Me. Or the contract.
01:03:31You're kidding me.
01:03:33No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:38But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:42The choice is all yours.
01:03:45That's a choice.
01:03:47You think so?
01:03:48He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:52Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:59Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember? I deserved the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:14Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I, uh, I choose the contract.
01:04:19I knew it. You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:22With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:28Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone. I will get you one day.
01:04:33Let me show you something.
01:04:38You saved me.
01:04:39You saved me.
01:04:41I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life, but I promise you, I'm gonna make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:04No, no, I wasn't lying. I just couldn't, can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:11Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:20What? Me? And Dr. Wilson losing at saving people? No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually, they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:40Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings. Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:49Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:53I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry. I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:05:59No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for-
01:06:05Oh god, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max, you know what to do.
01:06:11No.
01:06:24The banks have pulled all of our funds. All business ties have been severed. We're bankrupt!
01:06:35How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:45I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:49I am...
01:06:51Crypto-punk number two!
01:06:53What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man!
01:06:57You're Crypto-punk number two?
01:07:00Well, I'm Crypto-punk number one.
01:07:02See? You are number one at something.
01:07:05The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:08Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:12So...
01:07:13How about our date?
01:07:19I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:22Let's buy two.
01:07:23They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:39I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:41Yes!
01:07:42I'm rich!
01:07:43They make them all pay soon!
01:07:44What?
01:07:45Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:46The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:07:47Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:07:51No!
01:07:52I'm bankrupt!
01:07:53The manager of the Lockhart.
01:07:54You tricked me!
01:07:55Allow me.
01:07:56I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:07:58I had to get some very important materials.
01:07:59I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:00I had to get some very important materials.
01:08:01For our special date.
01:08:02Well, cheers.
01:08:03I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:04I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:05Well, cheers.
01:08:06Cheers.
01:08:07Cheers.
01:08:08Cheers.
01:08:09I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:11I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:30Cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:33Cheers.
01:08:42This looks good.
01:08:47Did you use my spices?
01:08:48I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:55You can have all the money and power in the world, but still can't force a man to love
01:08:59you.
01:09:00I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:07Angela, your future with me is going to be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:17Go to the stairs.
01:09:30Wow, Devin, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela, I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:55That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually, maybe Devin, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You're my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:15Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:23Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:29All you do is babble on and on about internet money, Bitcoin and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42How did you bless me?
01:10:44Hey! Get away from me!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:48Stop!
01:10:50Feisty girl!
01:10:51I like her!
01:11:03How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:09Ashtaga, salt teeth.
01:11:10Can it be cured?
01:11:11I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:13It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:17Household salt!
01:11:18I like her.
01:11:19There you go.
01:11:20What time is it?
01:11:21Oh, shoot.
01:11:22I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:23I like her.
01:11:24There you go.
01:11:25What time is it?
01:11:26Oh, shoot.
01:11:27I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:28I like her.
01:11:29We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:30So, that's how I, well, we, all met.
01:11:49I barely remember.
01:11:52I said I'd never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:03I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:07Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Angela?
01:12:11Your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know, they all loved and fought for you for three years.
01:12:17Who will you pick?
01:12:19How can that be?
01:12:25Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:32Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:36Bankrupt?
01:12:37The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:40Well then, get out of here!
01:12:43You can't do this to me!
01:12:45It's me!
01:12:48Jared!
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife!
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:00What?!
01:13:04Jared Cooper!
01:13:08We are here to propose your belongings.
01:13:11No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14What?!
01:13:15What?!
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?!
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken?
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right.
01:13:41I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:48Hey!
01:13:49Stop!
01:13:50Stop!
01:13:51Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:13:53I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:56I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress Bachelorette will choose.
01:14:04Which one of our three badasses will she marry?
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:17Or Devon, the CEO?
01:14:19Uh, looks like our Bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me!
01:14:29But when she does, she will take this eternal rose made from glass imported from Venice and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela?
01:14:39Angela?
01:14:40Oh.
01:14:41I, uh...
01:14:42I need more time to think.
01:14:44Uh, while our Bachelorette takes a little time to decide, why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general who has huge biceps and massive chest?
01:15:16Who would protect their wife?
01:15:20Okay.
01:15:23Uh, Shane?
01:15:24Muscles.
01:15:27Money.
01:15:29They only get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me.
01:15:33That has more than one way to keep a lady happy.
01:15:35If you know what I mean.
01:15:40Okay.
01:15:41I think we do.
01:15:42And Devon.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:49I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:51I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:15:53A lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And then one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:06That's a good point.
01:16:07It's bad for her heart.
01:16:10And then you!
01:16:11What?
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:26Hey, you guys.
01:16:28Whoa!
01:16:29Break it up!
01:16:31Hey!
01:16:32Break it up!
01:16:37Cut to commercial!
01:16:38Cut to commercial!
01:16:39This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:16:59Who do I choose?
01:17:00Angela's marrying me!
01:17:01You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:02Oh yeah?
01:17:03I may be a doctor, but like I said, I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:20What don't you have in that code?
01:17:21Fruit flavored gum!
01:17:22I won't let you take Angela away from me!
01:17:23I'll fight you to the death!
01:17:24Don't forget about me.
01:17:25It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:26These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:27They do not help.
01:17:28Who made these?
01:17:29Who made these?
01:17:30Who made these?
01:17:31Who made these?
01:17:32Who made these?
01:17:33Who made these?
01:17:34It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:39It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:41These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not.
01:17:43They do not help.
01:17:44Who made these?
01:17:47WhoROoo!
01:17:48WhoM бер элект note, Right
01:17:54heartlet!
01:18:05You got the first thing!
01:18:07Take back!
01:18:08T- It's time I revealed my true identity.
01:18:09I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:12And I have the power of telegonesism!
01:18:15Jesus!
01:18:31We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:33This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:51Winter Mint or Cool Mint?
01:18:58You know, I've always really liked our hair.
01:19:02Really?
01:19:04I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:09Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:10And you know, Cool.
01:19:12I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26It's fresh, right?
01:19:27Yeah.
01:19:28Yeah, yeah.
01:19:29You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33Hey, I appreciate it.
01:19:34Hey, if you need me to look at you, I got you.
01:19:36Hey, me too.
01:19:37I'll take care of you.
01:19:38Yeah, of course.
01:19:39Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:43It was Sherry Cooper.
01:19:45That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What the hell?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then!
01:19:53By the way!
01:19:54My fiance!
01:19:55My fiance!
01:19:56My fiance!
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:07What am I doing here?
01:20:09You destroyed me.
01:20:12They took everything.
01:20:15What?
01:20:16I have nothing left.
01:20:18It's not my fault.
01:20:19You're too greedy.
01:20:22He's greedy.
01:20:23To have sex with my wife.
01:20:25What?
01:20:26I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:27Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:32This is illegal!
01:20:33You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:36You won't have me arrested.
01:20:38You will take me back.
01:20:40Ow!
01:20:42You're a bitch.
01:20:45I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:46You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Angela!
01:21:02Come here!
01:21:06It's too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:09Not yet?
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:12He really does have everything in his culture.
01:21:15Everything except for fruit.
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum.
01:21:17Get it already!
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:22Here we go.
01:21:28You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:34What?
01:21:35What are you gonna do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop!
01:21:37No!
01:21:39Ah!
01:21:40Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:51No more.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59You've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding!
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan!
01:22:04And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:08Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally, the wedding day.
01:22:21But who's the groom?
01:22:22Ah!
01:22:23Seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:28Any input from the parents?
01:22:29Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette team.
01:22:31Who went through the new wedding day and a new wedding day.
01:22:35We're down to the wedding day.
01:22:36And we're using the wedding day we will take care of the wedding day.
01:22:37And we got an honor for the wedding day.
01:22:38And we're going to take care of the wedding day.
01:22:40I know she is an honor for the wedding day.
01:22:41And we were coming to the wedding day.
01:22:42To be sure to be too.
01:22:43And we know she is a great.
01:22:45Don't be afraid of the wedding year,
01:22:46be sure to go.
01:22:47This is the wedding day or whatever.
01:22:48No matter your wedding day or whatever,
01:22:50that's what's going to be?
01:22:51our bachelorette's choice. Oh, this is exciting. Who should my daughter pick? Let me think.
01:23:02I like the doctor. He's cute. But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:11And we can't forget about Devin Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest. Isn't that right,
01:23:15Devin? Angela? You are all three very fine gentlemen. And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:33But this was a really hard decision. And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:40And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:50I'm just kidding. I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:57Each of our candidates have saved our main character. I mean bachelorette once. They've
01:24:03all proven their undying love. So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart? Literally.
01:24:10Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:30And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all? The man Angela would have married
01:24:39a long time ago, Mr. Devin Sterling.
01:24:45Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:48That has made the best man win.
01:24:52May the best man win. Drum roll, please.
01:25:10Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:11I choose.
01:25:29I need the power of a strong man and I really feel like you can protect me.
01:25:32Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Do they interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:41Do you like a full-body check-up?
01:25:42Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:00You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:02Yeah.
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:07Ellen, be my new queen. Think of what we can build together.
01:26:25It's always been you.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:37Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:42Would you like a full-body check-up?
01:26:44Have you seen my murderer weapons?
01:26:45I need proof-flavored gum for you.
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