Here We Go Season 3 Episode 5

Cinema Series US Film

Here We Go Season 3 Episode 5  #CinemaSeriesUSFilm   🎞 Please join  https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm

Transcript

00:00Of course I can't make you a cortado.

00:06Well done, Robin.

00:09That's on the cusp of going off.

00:13Come on, Mum. Ethel's going to be here any minute.

00:16So, Mum, the code is...

00:18One cry...

00:19Yep.

00:20...is green.

00:21Two cries...

00:22...is red.

00:24Three cries...

00:25We know what the cries sound like. You don't need to keep doing them.

00:28...is yellow.

00:29And four cries...

00:30Oh, my God.

00:31...is blue.

00:36OK, so the code is...

00:37One green, two red, three yellow, four blue.

00:40You got that?

00:41We've all got that.

00:42I'm very bad at learning codes, is all.

00:44That's why I had to change my pin to 1111.

00:48Yeah, stop telling people that.

00:50Good to know.

00:51As a rule, do not say any anecdotes that involve you revealing your pin.

00:54All right, keep your wig on.

00:56And if you're still not sure or you can't hear anything,

00:58just say,

00:59Is the baby all right?

01:00And I'll do it again.

01:01Is the baby all right?

01:02And I'll do it again.

01:03No, I mean, where is the baby?

01:05Oh, yeah, he's upstairs in his hush-a-by-snoozy-baby sleep pod.

01:09What? Sleeping?

01:10Well, I hope so.

01:11Yeah, that is what it's for.

01:12Yeah, OK, and Mum, Mum, it's really important that you keep a poker face.

01:16Well, Uno face.

01:17Exactly.

01:18What's an Uno face?

01:19Just don't move your face at all when you're playing, Sue, so just...

01:22Like this.

01:23What, like that?

01:24Like that.

01:25Yeah, that's good.

01:26I've actually got a Botox cream in my bag that'll do that for you.

01:29Well, I think it's probably worth a go.

01:31Mmm.

01:32It does burn a bit, though.

01:33It's obvious.

01:34I mean, it really burns, Sue.

01:35Even so?

01:36No, it really burns.

01:37Do not use it on your scrotum, Sue, trust me.

01:39Er, well, no, I won't.

01:41Well, I can't.

01:42Yeah, fair point.

01:43Why did you put it on your scrotum, Robin?

01:44Well, because it claimed to be anti-wrinkle, didn't it, babe?

01:47So I thought I'd give it a proper challenge.

01:48And it failed.

01:49Right.

01:50Badly.

01:51So did I, in a way.

01:52Oh, my God.

01:53Well, she won't need any creams.

01:55Just relax, Sue.

01:56You know, try to enjoy it.

01:57Might be fun.

01:58Fun?

01:59Of course it won't!

02:01I mean, I feel like I'm on the James Bond show.

02:04On the...

02:05They're films, Mum.

02:06They're films, famously.

02:07Oh, gosh.

02:08There she is.

02:09Let's go.

02:10OK, here we go.

02:11Down it, down it, down it, down it.

02:12Go easy, go easy on the sheriff.

02:13There's tiny glasses, babe, grow up.

02:15Go on.

02:16It's all right.

02:17It's not Ethel.

02:18It's just Amy and her trophy.

02:20OK.

02:21Is everything all right?

02:23This is his dummy here, Sue.

02:25Just stick that in his gob if he gets out hungry or annoying or whatever.

02:29Yeah.

02:30This is his sensory baby activity sheet.

02:35Just tin foil, isn't it?

02:37Nice.

02:38It what?

02:39It better not be.

02:40That cost me 25 quid.

02:41Is it?

02:42This is his monkey here, look.

02:43Hey, Madame Coconuts.

02:44She has a French accent and loves cheese when I do it.

02:46Do you want to do that?

02:47Yeah, I'll just sing to him cos that's what I did last time.

02:50Well, you can go outside if you do that, Mum.

02:52I can't be listening to you singing Wind the Bobbin Up for five hours again.

02:56Love that tune.

02:57This is his baby monitor here, look.

02:59Muslins.

03:00Keep an eye on it.

03:01Here you are.

03:02You will be back from the gym by three, won't you?

03:04Because I'm going to Mecca later.

03:06Oh, not again.

03:07What?

03:08Really?

03:09Well, I go with Bren every Tuesday afternoon.

03:11To Mecca?

03:12Yeah.

03:13Wow, that's...

03:14No, she's talking about Mecca bingo in Bedford.

03:17Oh.

03:18Yeah, yeah, sorry, the bingo.

03:20Not the religious odds.

03:21OK, yeah, no, that's a lot closer.

03:23She doesn't do a weekly hodge, as far as I know.

03:26Yeah, she may as well.

03:27She could have gone to Mecca several times with the money she's lost playing bingo.

03:30Oh, don't be so daft.

03:32Gambling is very serious, Mum, isn't it, Rach?

03:35Rachel?

03:36Yes?

03:37As a counsellor, can you please say something?

03:39Yeah, just empty it.

03:40Don't just squash it down.

03:41There's loads of space.

03:43This is why we get bin juice, because you squeeze rubbish like a cider print.

03:46There's more space than you think!

03:48Just empty it!

03:49Why won't you just empty it?

03:50I'll pop him in the garden for you, Gerald.

03:53Yeah.

03:54Oh, sorry, just before you do, Sue, I've got a little gift for Sam under the buggy.

03:58Oh, cool.

03:59Cheers, Robin.

04:00What is it?

04:01It's a Premier League sticker album, plus two free packets.

04:03I thought you might want to start collecting, so...

04:05Oh.

04:06Oh, my God, you are unbelievable.

04:07What?

04:08What do you mean?

04:09Doorbell!

04:10Someone!

04:11You're just trying to get him into the sticker so that you, Dean and Jelson,

04:13have someone else to swap with.

04:15Oh, that's...

04:16No.

04:17It's just a bit of fun.

04:18No?

04:19I'll go...

04:20It's an addiction, Robin.

04:21Yeah.

04:22You are a stickaholic.

04:24Well, no, because that would mean he's addicted to sticks.

04:26Hi.

04:27Hey, Amy.

04:28Hi.

04:29Is that for washing?

04:30No, it's my towel and clean undies.

04:32I'm for washing.

04:33Why can't you do that at home?

04:34Well, because Maya's always accusing me of staying in and sitting in the bath all day.

04:38OK, so you've gone out to sit in the bath all day.

04:40Well, I'm proving her wrong, yes.

04:42Things feel a bit rocky between you two, are they?

04:44We've fed out about what to name our hamster.

04:45Hi, everyone.

04:46Hi, Amy.

04:47Oh, go on.

04:48What name's you got?

04:49Well, she wants to call it Mrs Biscuit and I want to call it Sylvia Plath.

04:53Oh, two very different ideas there.

04:55Well, anyway, we can't decide, so currently it's called the hamster.

04:58Like Richard Hammond.

04:59Oh, yeah?

05:00Yeah, in fact, that's a great name for a hamster.

05:02Who's Richard Hammond?

05:03You two need to try couples therapy, trust me.

05:06We worked through tons of stuff on ours, didn't we, babe?

05:08Yeah, yeah.

05:09I mean, I didn't actually speak during it, but...

05:11What did you do?

05:12I just made notes.

05:14You've had couples therapy.

05:15Yeah.

05:16Why didn't you...

05:17I could have given you couples therapy.

05:18I would have done it for free.

05:20You know, you get what you pay for, didn't you?

05:22And ours was with my therapist mate Amber, so I felt very safe.

05:28God, I didn't.

05:29She taught me several new ones.

05:30I mean, real-life case studies as well, so that's a shame.

05:33Well, just talk to Mum about her bingo addiction then,

05:35like I've been asking you.

05:36Yes, yes.

05:37No, I will, I will.

05:38Okay.

05:39Actually, Amy, it's not a bad idea, you know?

05:40Couples therapy.

05:41You and I do argue quite a lot.

05:43Yeah.

05:44It's improved Robin loads.

05:46Dream man.

05:47No.

05:48Apart from the stick habit, he hasn't managed to shape that.

05:51Well, no, they're sticky, so...

05:53Sticky.

05:54We might need to go back to Amethat, actually.

05:56Well, no, no, come on, babe, we don't need to go back to Amber.

05:58I'll give up the stickers, I promise, I will.

05:59Well, we'll see.

06:00Don't remember to go back to Amber, please.

06:01No.

06:02Come in this way, please, Mum.

06:03What's all this?

06:04You'll see.

06:05Oh, hi, Amy Love.

06:06Hi, Granny.

06:07Hello, hello.

06:08Rachel wants to speak to you.

06:09Do I?

06:10Yeah, she does.

06:11What, now?

06:12Yes, now.

06:13Oh, God.

06:14Oh, okay.

06:15Okay.

06:16Um...

06:17Well...

06:18We're really worried about you, Mum.

06:19Well, no, we're not really worried.

06:20And you're gambling.

06:21Don't...

06:22So we're staging an intervention.

06:23No, that's not what we're doing.

06:24Please do not intervene on my intervention, Rachel.

06:26This is not how an intervention is done.

06:28I'm so sorry, Sue.

06:29Am I not going to bingo later on?

06:31Of course you are.

06:32Do what you like.

06:33Because I'll need to tell Bren if not.

06:34No.

06:35I'm saying no to bingo.

06:36You can't forbid her from doing something she wants.

06:38No.

06:39All it is, Sue, that we're worried that going to Mecca Bingo so often

06:44isn't that healthy.

06:46I don't eat there.

06:47No, no, no.

06:48Not like that.

06:49More, you know...

06:50You're spaffing my inheritance, Mum.

06:51No.

06:52Well, she is.

06:53It's gambling.

06:54The high from gambling is highly addictive.

06:59And what we're worried about...

07:00I'm up.

07:01I've made more than I've lost.

07:03Have you?

07:04Really?

07:05That's...

07:06How much you made, then?

07:07About £140.

07:08Oh!

07:09That's funny!

07:10No, it's not fine.

07:11It's not fine.

07:12That's not the point.

07:13Well, it is slightly the point.

07:14Keep going, I reckon, Sue.

07:15If you're making money...

07:16Things can go very wrong in gambling very fast.

07:19Well, yeah, but they haven't...

07:20They haven't gone wrong.

07:21Rachel?

07:22Well, I know, but...

07:23Well, okay.

07:24But she's doing...

07:25It's a slippery slope.

07:26It's a super slippery slope.

07:27These bingo halls, they do everything they can to reel you in and clean you out.

07:32Yeah.

07:33And if you're saving up for a round-the-world trip, Mum, it's a bad idea.

07:36Really bad idea.

07:37Right.

07:38Yes, well...

07:39Relax.

07:40There's an idiot mecca called Ethel.

07:41Cool.

07:42And she's always inviting me over to play, erm...

07:45What do you call it?

07:46Uno.

07:47Okay.

07:48Oh, my God, Uno.

07:49That's why I was gonna...

07:50Well, yeah, great.

07:51Stick to Uno.

07:52Where's my Uno trophy?

07:53Erm, they're with your dad's archery ones, I think.

07:55Why?

07:56Erm, Maya doesn't believe I was the under-7's champion.

07:58Champion?

07:59Champion of what?

08:00Er, a county or something.

08:01Oh, look, here we go.

08:02A county champion.

08:03Amy, Uno champ, the best girl in bed.

08:06Cool.

08:07At least.

08:08Wow!

08:09I guess.

08:10Can't remember.

08:11It's going in the flat, though.

08:12In front of Maya's trampolining ones.

08:13Well, don't.

08:14See how she likes that.

08:15Apple.

08:16Yeah, Amy, you should...

08:17No, no, no, no, no, no.

08:19What?

08:20What is it?

08:21Oh!

08:22Oh!

08:23Did you leave the front door open?

08:24Because it does have the back doors open, too.

08:26You didn't close it, either.

08:28Well, no, I know that.

08:29Oh, gold.

08:30Now look at what you've done, you dipstick.

08:32I'm coming, Atlas.

08:33Wind the bobbing up.

08:34Oh, no.

08:35Wind the bobbing up.

08:37I can't cope with that.

08:38Sam, can you shut the door, please?

08:39I just got it out of my head.

08:41Wind the bobbing up.

08:42Wind the bobbing up.

08:43Wind the bobbing up.

08:44Oh, my God.

08:45Pull.

08:46Pull.

08:47Clap.

08:48Clap.

08:49Oh.

08:50I can still hear her.

08:53Oh, no, Amy.

08:55Oh, dear.

08:56What's going on?

08:57Oh, dear.

08:58What's going on?

08:59Me and Maya broke up.

09:01Maya and I, but yeah, oh, dear.

09:03Oh, dear.

09:04What's happened this time, babe?

09:06Mum gave us couples therapies.

09:07What happened?

09:08Oh, hang on.

09:09That's not why you...

09:10She told Maya we're not compatible.

09:12Well, no.

09:13I asked questions.

09:14I certainly didn't tell her anything.

09:15And took her aside on everything.

09:16All right.

09:17Don't blame your mother.

09:18Slagging me off, comparing me to Dad.

09:20Well, they're two different things, aren't they?

09:22You're a menace.

09:23You shouldn't be anywhere near counselling.

09:25Oh, it'll blow over.

09:27Maya said I'm feckless.

09:29Whoa, that's bang out of order, that is, isn't it?

09:31Yeah.

09:32Is it?

09:33What does that mean?

09:34Well, it's a smushing together of effing and useless, isn't it?

09:36No, it's not.

09:37Is it not?

09:38I'll tell you what, I'll Google it.

09:39Hang on.

09:40Who's going to keep the hamster?

09:41Who's going to keep the flat more to the point?

09:42I can't think about that right now.

09:44Feckless.

09:45Lacking purpose and strength of character.

09:47Incompetent.

09:48Yeah, I do know this one.

09:49I've been called this before.

09:50Yeah.

09:51Right, you see?

09:52Yep.

09:53You are not feckless, Amy.

09:54No.

09:55I mean, you started a band, for one thing.

09:56Yeah, amen.

09:57I mean, that takes a lot of feck.

09:59You're certainly not incompetent.

10:01Is this even real?

10:02Did I actually win best girl in Bedford?

10:05I mean, even as I asked that, I realised I definitely didn't.

10:08You...

10:09You didn't...

10:11You didn't get anything at school prize-giving, so...

10:13You gave me a fake trophy.

10:14Oh, my God, that's tragic.

10:16Well, we thought it might cheer you up, you know.

10:18Well, that didn't work, did it?

10:19No.

10:20Look at me.

10:21It worked pretty well at the time, to be fair.

10:23Oh, no, Amy, please.

10:25I'll call Mya.

10:26I'll try and talk to her.

10:27I think you've done enough, don't you?

10:29Oh, hello.

10:30Ethel Tyshurst.

10:31Oh!

10:32Here's a player uno.

10:33Oh, hello, Ethel.

10:35Oh, come in.

10:37This is my family.

10:39Ethel Tyshurst.

10:40Yeah, you said that.

10:41Oh, can I take your coat, Ethel?

10:43No, thank you.

10:44No.

10:45Why is he filming me?

10:46Yeah, he will do that.

10:47We can ask him to stop.

10:48And I'll say no.

10:49OK.

10:50Sorry.

10:51Well, it doesn't matter.

10:52The government are watching me anyway.

10:53Huh?

10:54Oh, are they?

10:55Why?

10:56They want to know everything I'm up to, don't they?

10:58What are you up to?

11:00Nothing.

11:01Well, I'm not sure why they'll be doing that, then.

11:03For control.

11:04Right.

11:05Hence the plandemic.

11:06Ah, she's one of them.

11:07So, where are we playing then, Sue?

11:09Oh, oh, yes.

11:10Yes, this way.

11:11Go through.

11:12This way.

11:13Yeah, there might be a baby crying now and then on a monitor over there.

11:19Erm, yeah, he's just in the other room and he is a very bad sleeper.

11:24OK, Dad.

11:25Would you like a sherry, Ethel?

11:27I brought me on, thanks.

11:28Right.

11:29I don't drink from open bottles in case they've been spiked with drugs or poison or both.

11:36Oh.

11:37You've brought your own glass as well.

11:38And I don't like leaving my DNA in case people try to clone me.

11:43Yeah, well, we won't be doing that.

11:46Dad, she can't sit there. That's the wrong chair for them.

11:48Oh, yeah.

11:49Er, sorry, Ethel, yeah, you can't.

11:51This is your chair.

11:52Well, why?

11:53Erm, well, er, that's my mum's special one, isn't it, Mum?

11:57What?

11:58They're exactly the same.

11:59Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right, sorry.

12:02Yeah.

12:03I love that chair, Ethel.

12:04He loves it.

12:05Specifically, that one.

12:06Ha-ha-ha!

12:07Sweet, isn't it?

12:09Yeah.

12:10Chairs.

12:11Relax, Dad.

12:12And erm...

12:13OK.

12:15That's...

12:16That's set.

12:17Good.

12:18Good game, ladies.

12:19Dad.

12:20I bid you good game.

12:21Stop talking, Dad.

12:22Where are the jammy Dodgers, Mum?

12:24Huh?

12:25I think you had them.

12:26Well, yeah, but did you buy any more?

12:28Oh, no, I must have forgotten.

12:30Sorry.

12:31Is she coming?

12:32It's 1.30.

12:33Yeah, I know.

12:34Welcome to my world.

12:35She'll be late.

12:36She's coming from work.

12:37Oh.

12:38Oh, is that for us?

12:39Can I have Fanta instead?

12:40That's not the way therapy works.

12:41You don't get to choose a drink.

12:42Did you get Fanta, Granny?

12:43Oh, no.

12:44Sorry, love.

12:45Oh.

12:46Is everything all right, Mum?

12:47Yeah.

12:48I just...

12:49Well...

12:50Oh, there's Robin and the Merry Men.

12:51I mean, why are all three of them here?

12:53Oh, God.

12:54Hi, guys.

12:55Oi, oi.

12:56Didn't want to ring the bell in case the boy wonder was napping.

12:58How's he doing, Sue?

12:59All all right.

13:00Yeah, well, he downed his bottle, did a poo and fell asleep.

13:02Like father, like son, innit?

13:03That is pure class.

13:05Yeah, yeah.

13:06Shh!

13:07The baby.

13:08That's fine.

13:09Hi, Robin.

13:10The rest of you.

13:11Not being rude, but why are you all here?

13:12Yes.

13:13Oh, all right, Rachel.

13:14Like the old sexy secretary thing.

13:15What?

13:16Old school.

13:17We won't hang about.

13:18We're just here to, er...

13:19Come on, then, Sam.

13:20What?

13:21What do you mean?

13:22Let the cat see the flap.

13:23Get your swapsies out, boy.

13:24Yeah.

13:25Oh, no, sorry.

13:26I haven't been collecting the stickers.

13:27What?

13:28I thought you gave him an album.

13:29I did.

13:30No, I did.

13:31Yeah, that doesn't mean I'm going to spend a fortune filling it in.

13:32I mean...

13:33Oh, go on.

13:34I've scribed off the garden centre for this.

13:35I didn't ask you to do that.

13:36I would get in trouble with Mr Peters.

13:37I can't keep buying packets until I complete the album, lad.

13:39It'll clean me out.

13:40Yeah.

13:41I've already sold my car.

13:42Oh, my God.

13:43Have you?

13:44I mean, none of this is my fault.

13:45Well...

13:46I mean, well, maybe just don't complete the album.

13:49Oh, shut up, Paul.

13:50Not an option.

13:51Not an option.

13:52How many makes the school gone?

13:53I think they've all grown out of that now.

13:54Yeah, quite.

13:55Why haven't you three grown out of it?

13:56Oh, that's the thing.

13:57You grow out of it and then eventually you grow back into it.

13:59You do.

14:00And what about Terry?

14:01You told her you were stopping.

14:02I will stop once I've completed the album.

14:04That's...

14:05Don't tell her.

14:06That is the plan.

14:07Please don't tell her.

14:08Okay.

14:09I think I've seen some of the junior school kids collecting them.

14:10Okay, perfect.

14:11Perfect.

14:12Junior school approaching little kids is perfect.

14:14Oh, come off it, love.

14:15Not all men are nonces.

14:16No, but all nonces are men.

14:18Hmm.

14:19Huh.

14:20Just trying to get my brain, that.

14:21No, it's deep.

14:22It's proper deep.

14:23Ah, that's Maya.

14:25Okay, so we're going to be in the lounge.

14:27Please do not disturb us.

14:29Okay, Paola, can you shut the back door in case the front one slams again?

14:31Yeah, yeah.

14:32Okay.

14:33That's right.

14:34Here we go.

14:35So, what are we doing?

14:36So, what?

14:37Well, there's no point, is there?

14:38Hi.

14:39All right.

14:40Oh, hi, Rachel.

14:41Hello.

14:42Sorry I'm late.

14:43I got stuck at the office.

14:44Yeah, Maya works extremely hard in case you didn't pick up.

14:45That's not what I was saying.

14:46Whereas I've got time to kill.

14:47Ah, stop bickering.

14:48Well, it's her.

14:49This is what she does.

14:50I know.

14:51You know.

14:52You're meant to be impartial.

14:53Yeah.

14:54Let's start again.

14:55Um...

14:57Okay.

14:58Good luck.

14:59Right.

15:00Let's get this Sleeping Beauty out of here.

15:02I'll bag up Atlas's shit.

15:04Yeah.

15:05I've done that, Robin.

15:06He's got a new nappy on.

15:07Oh, no.

15:08Sorry, Sue.

15:09I mean his, you know, baby govins.

15:10Do you fancy collecting the stickers, Sue?

15:11Oh.

15:12Oh, that's very kind of you, Dean.

15:14Not sure it is.

15:15But, but, but, no.

15:16The money's a bit tight at the moment for that.

15:18What?

15:19What do you mean, Mum?

15:20Where's his monitor, Sue?

15:22Oh, well, the screen's on the table.

15:24Oh.

15:25But he napped in the lounge, so the camera's in there.

15:27Ah.

15:28Gotcha.

15:29Okay.

15:30Mum, what's...

15:31Mum's counselling Amy and Maya in the lounge.

15:32Yeah, well, don't listen in, Sam.

15:34It's meant to be private.

15:35Gee.

15:36So am I.

15:37Definitely.

15:38Guys, we can't do it.

15:39Hang about, I'll turn it up.

15:41She's not even made the bed.

15:42Bed.

15:43Yeah, because I'm against making beds in principle.

15:45Oh, okay, yeah.

15:46That's handy.

15:47We're only going to get back in in again.

15:48There's no point.

15:49Then what about emptying the bins?

15:50Oh, there's no point in doing that if you just squish it back down.

15:53There's so much more space than you think.

15:55How do you see that? It's exactly like Paul.

15:56Oh, don't bring me into it.

15:58But that's how you get bin juice.

15:59I know.

16:00I keep telling him to empty it, but he just doesn't do it.

16:02I will. I said I would and I will.

16:03She can't hear you, Dad.

16:04No, unless you press the talk button.

16:05Yeah, well, don't do that.

16:06I won't.

16:07Don't know that we're listening.

16:08I can't deal with your apathy.

16:09Apathy.

16:10Mum, I can't deal with your judgement all the time.

16:13Yeah, well, when people have different values,

16:16it can put pressure on a relationship.

16:18Values?

16:19Particularly if money's tight, which it will.

16:22You think we have different values?

16:23Well, we might explain why you keep breaking up.

16:25No, but we don't want you to explain it, Mum.

16:27No.

16:28We want you to fix it.

16:29Yeah, I know, but you can't necessarily fix something

16:30if there's just, you know, basic lack of compatibility and...

16:33Oh, my God, what are you doing?

16:34I'm just...

16:35Do you want a biscuit?

16:36I'm going to turn it down.

16:37This has got to be...

16:38Well, hang on.

16:39This isn't fun anymore.

16:40It's not fun anymore.

16:41It's getting eggy.

16:42All right, all right, chill out.

16:43Mum, what were you saying earlier about money being tight?

16:49Has something happened?

16:53Oh, well, promise you won't be angry with me.

16:56Well, depends what it is.

16:58I won't be.

17:01I lost £1,500.

17:03Oh!

17:04Lost?

17:05How?

17:06What?

17:07Oh, Mum.

17:08Did you go back to Mecca?

17:10I told you, it's a super slippery slope!

17:12No, no.

17:13This is playing Uno with Ethel.

17:15What?

17:16You lost 1,500 boys playing Uno?

17:18How did this even happen?

17:19Ethel kept topping up me sherry and doubling each hand.

17:23Classic.

17:24She took £900 off Lin West, apparently.

17:27Yeah.

17:28I only found out afterwards.

17:30You got rolled, Sue.

17:31It does happen.

17:32Oh, Mum.

17:33What were you thinking?

17:35You're the one who told her to play Uno.

17:37Yeah, I didn't know there was a gambling version of Uno, Sam.

17:40Oh, yeah.

17:41It's big in India.

17:43Well, I'll never know now.

17:45Can't afford me big trip after this.

17:47I'm such an idiot.

17:49Oh, no, Mum.

17:51No.

17:52We'll get it back.

17:54How do we get it back?

17:56Any one way to do that?

17:57How?

17:58Double or quits, innit?

17:59It is.

18:00Rematch.

18:01Yeah, exactly.

18:02The only way to guarantee you don't lose when you gamble, you keep gambling.

18:07Well, that's appalling advice.

18:09Is it?

18:10And this Ethel woman is clearly a Uno, you know, grand master.

18:16Mum will just get cleaned out again.

18:18Hmm.

18:19Well, not necessarily.

18:20Hmm?

18:22What do you mean?

18:23OK, so what's...

18:25Ooh, Ethel hasn't got any reds.

18:27Sue should play a red.

18:28Sue should play a red.

18:29Sue should play a red.

18:30Don't press the talk button.

18:31OK, no, I'll do...

18:36You'd have been a great baby.

18:37I was.

18:38Right, let me just...

18:39I'll look next door.

18:43Uno.

18:44Look, you just got lucky, that's all.

18:47It won't last.

18:53And that's 3-nil.

18:56And it goes up to £400 a hand.

18:58My deal.

18:59Oh.

19:01Oh, I'll get it.

19:03No, you won't.

19:04OK, cool.

19:08Um, let's talk.

19:09Oh, hi, Maya.

19:10In here.

19:11Yeah, good idea.

19:12Good idea.

19:13Not you, Mum.

19:14Oh, my God!

19:16What's happened?

19:17Uh, she snapped a Uno trophy.

19:19Maybe help Robin with his sticker habit instead, Mum?

19:25Sam, I can't keep driving you in that list.

19:27All right.

19:28Hurry up. Stop filming.

19:29Put the camera down.

19:30Yeah, I am, I am.

19:31Hang on.

19:32Is that Robin?

19:33Children!

19:34Back in cars, please!

19:35Oh, my God!

19:36Oh, no, no!

19:38Come on, back himself!

19:39You guys!

19:40You should know better.

19:42Head around outside people.

19:43Get away!

19:44Get away!

19:45Aidan!

19:46Aidan!

19:47Where, where do you live?

19:48We'll be back at three o'clock!

19:49I know what you look like.

19:50Where, what's your address?

19:51Come on, come on.

19:52We can hit up St Helens.

19:53We can hit up St Helens.

19:54It's only down there.

19:55Get in the car.

19:56Actually, they'll be on break in about 45 minutes.

19:57Come on, let's rock.

19:58More!

19:59Hair!

20:01Uh, let's try.

20:06Communications!

20:09On Satan's smelly old bumhole.

20:12Now then.

20:15Wait!

20:17Oh!

20:18Is the baby all right?

20:19Is the baby all right?

20:20Anyone?

20:21I'll keep you all right. Anyone?

20:23Just picked up a green...

20:25What was that?

20:27Oh, they must be in there just trying to soothe him.

20:31Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah!

20:36Blue!

20:37Er, OK, so...

20:40Uno.

20:44I'm game.

20:46Something's off here. I can feel it in me waters.

20:49Oh, that'll be the humbugs, Ethel.

20:51They always give me the squids.

20:53We can stop if you like.

20:55No.

20:56I'm having a mint fag.

20:58Wow, that's a big box.

21:00I only trust fags imported from Turkey.

21:03Right.

21:04Bill Gates puts nanobox and asbestos in our wands.

21:07I mean, he doesn't, but whatever.

21:10Well, Amber says anyone who doubts you ever has to go.

21:13Ah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah!

21:16Oh!

21:17So you're beating her then?

21:19Oh!

21:20We are beating her like an...

21:21...egg.

21:22Yeah.

21:23Yeah.

21:24We're beating her into stiff, glossy peaks.

21:27Can I say bitch?

21:28No.

21:29No, absolutely not.

21:30I wasn't gonna.

21:31How's Amy?

21:33Oh, God, the usual.

21:35You know, hates me, thinks I'm a terrible counsellor slash mum.

21:38Maybe she's right, maybe I should back it in.

21:40More like being her mother.

21:42No, being a counsellor.

21:44Oh.

21:45Yeah.

21:46Yeah.

21:47I mean, maybe it's not for me.

21:48No.

21:49What do you think?

21:52I mean, maybe you should speak to a counsellor.

21:55OK, thank you.

21:56Well done, Dad.

21:57Oh!

21:58There she is!

21:59Hey, Mum!

22:00Oh, yeah!

22:01Huh?

22:02Well done.

22:03Sit down, babe.

22:04How are you feeling?

22:05Absolutely shattered after that.

22:06Oh, well, come here, champ.

22:07I got you.

22:08I got you.

22:09I'm actually happy to stop now,

22:11because I've nearly made the money back that I need

22:14for my round-the-world trip.

22:16Oh!

22:17Don't you mean across the world?

22:18Oh.

22:19You can't go around it.

22:20It's flat.

22:21Well, it's not, but OK.

22:23And we're not stopping, thank you.

22:25Ooh.

22:26Double or quits.

22:27All in.

22:28Oh!

22:29Wow, that is a serious word to catch.

22:32That is one cheeky chunk.

22:34I carry all my money at all times in cash.

22:37Just to be safe.

22:38Safe?

22:39That's not safe.

22:40You want to put it in a safe if you want it to be safe.

22:42Or, you know, a bank.

22:43I don't use banks, thank you.

22:45They're all owned by paedophiles.

22:47Oh, no!

22:48Are they?

22:49Well, no, Sue.

22:51I mean, why would they be?

22:52Banks, politics, Hollywood, Happy Eater.

22:55All run by paedos.

22:57They're everywhere.

22:58Happy Eater?

22:59There were some at my nephew's school last week.

23:01What?

23:02Were they?

23:03Three of the sickos were caught, bothering little'uns.

23:06Claimed they were trying to swap football stickers.

23:09But they were definitely paedos, apparently.

23:11From luck of them.

23:16That's, er...

23:17Oh. My. God.

23:18I know.

23:19Come on, Sue.

23:20One last round.

23:21Three ground.

23:22Winner takes all.

23:23You get up, Mum.

23:24All right?

23:25You've got this.

23:26You've got this.

23:27Go on, Granny.

23:28I've so nearly completed the album.

23:31It's just...

23:32If I can't...

23:33It's actually gross.

23:34If I can't...

23:35It's gross.

23:36You and your weird little friends are gross.

23:37I've got 37 stickers to go.

23:38I can't stop now.

23:39I can't stop now, babe.

23:40I've had a child with you.

23:41Yeah.

23:42Embarrassing, that is.

23:43Yeah.

23:44I can't.

23:45Babe, can we just talk about our home?

23:46You are not going home tonight.

23:47You are sleeping here with Atlas.

23:49Oh.

23:50Oh, no.

23:51And tomorrow, I am calling Amber.

23:52Oh, no!

23:53Yes, I am.

23:54Please don't make me go back to Amber.

23:55Tez!

23:56We need couples therapy, Robin,

23:58and you're paying.

23:59Fuck.

24:00Shit.

24:04So, so.

24:05Yep.

24:09Oh, my life.

24:12There's times like this that make me wonder

24:13if collecting football stickers is even worth it at all.

24:15I mean, of course it isn't, Robin.

24:16Hang on.

24:17Back door's still open.

24:18Yeah, and?

24:19So that means that the front door's going to...

24:22Do that.

24:23Oh!

24:24What was that?

24:25Oh.

24:26Oh.

24:27Oh, no.

24:28That's...

24:29What happened?

24:30Front door slammed again.

24:31Is the baby all right, Paul?

24:33The baby all right?

24:34He's awake, so.

24:36The baby's awake.

24:37Yeah, we're sorry, Mum.

24:39We didn't think he'd actually wake up.

24:41What are you talking about?

24:42It's been crying all bloody night.

24:44Oh, yeah.

24:45Well, can you get him back to sleep, Robin?

24:47Not normally, no.

24:49I'd try.

24:50Yeah.

24:51Do we stop or what?

24:53No, we're not stopping.

24:54So, what do I...

24:56You're just going to have to win, Mum.

24:58Like...

24:59Like you've won every hand so far.

25:01You can do it.

25:10Yes.

25:11And pick up, too.

25:13Put that in your arse and smoke it.

25:15What?

25:16Oh, my, uh...

25:17Are you off?

25:18Uh, yeah.

25:19I, um...

25:20Yep.

25:21Uh, bye, Rachel.

25:23Not thank you for everything.

25:26Oh.

25:27Yes, no.

25:28No worries.

25:30Bye.

25:31Bye, Maya.

25:32Bye.

25:37Everything okay?

25:38Uh-huh.

25:39All good.

25:40Oh, phew.

25:41What a relief.

25:42I thought it ruined everything.

25:43We broke up.

25:44Okay.

25:45But we had to.

25:48You were right.

25:50You said what we needed to hear.

25:52Hmm.

25:53You're actually quite a good counsellor.

25:55Turns out.

26:02Oh, Paul.

26:03That's wiped the grin off your chops, hasn't it?

26:05How's it going, Sam?

26:06This is the last hand.

26:08They're paying for £3,000.

26:10Come on, Mum.

26:11Oh, go on.

26:12Oh.

26:18Come on, sit.

26:22Miss a go.

26:24And...

26:26Oh, no.

26:27Yes!

26:28Eat that!

26:29Gobble that up!

26:31No-one beats Ethel Veronica Tyshurst.

26:33No-one.

26:34Oh, Mum.

26:36I'll be having this.

26:37Oh.

26:38Hang on.

26:39What?

26:40You didn't say Uno.

26:42Oh.

26:43I did.

26:44She's right.

26:45You didn't.

26:46That's a two-car penalty.

26:47I did.

26:48Of course I did.

26:49You didn't, actually.

26:50And I was filming it all, if you want to check.

26:52Pick up two, Ethel.

26:53Them's the rules.

26:54You're going to go, Granny.

26:55I'm going to.

26:56I'm going to.

26:57I'm going to go.

26:58I'm going to go.

26:59I'm going to go.

27:00I'm going to go.

27:01Oh, my God.

27:02Oh.

27:03Uno.

27:04Uno.

27:07Jason!

27:08Yes!

27:09Yes, Granny!

27:10Yes, Granny!

27:11Yes!

27:12You cheated!

27:13I don't know how, but you cheated me.

27:15All of you.

27:16Yeah.

27:17You're all in on it.

27:18Yeah.

27:19Oh, right.

27:20Another conspiracy theory.

27:21You're paranoid, mate!

27:23Amy.

27:24Amy, you saved my bacon.

27:26Yeah.

27:27Never underestimate the under sevens champion.

27:29Still the best girl in Bedford.

27:31Yeah.

27:32I still know the rules, yeah.

27:33Actually, let's get her trophy.

27:34Where's her trophy?

27:35Oh, I put it in the bin.

27:36Why did you put it in the bin?

27:38Get that camera out of my face.

27:40I feel like Princess Diana here.

27:42Found it!

27:43She's still alive, you know.

27:44That was fake.

27:45Cool.

27:46Bye.

27:47Oh, the baby's still crying.

27:48I should probably...

27:49No.

27:50Ta-da!

27:51Yay!

27:52There you are!

27:53Yeah!

27:54Oh!

27:55Yay!

27:56Yay!

27:57Now you're pleased I didn't empty the bin.

27:59You're welcome!

28:00Don't get it.

28:01It's covered in salmon.

28:02Ugh.

28:03Wind the bobbin up, wind the bobbin up.

28:05Pull, pull, clap, clap, clap.

28:08Wind it back again, wind it back again.

28:11Pull, pull, clap, clap, clap.

28:14Points to the ceiling, points to the floor.

28:17Points to the window, points to the door.

28:19Clap your hands together, one, two, three.

28:22Put your hand up on your knee.

28:25Watch your hands together...

28:33Oh!

28:34...

28:35...

28:36...

28:37...

28:38...

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