Setting boundaries: how French families raise their children

DW (English)

French children are known for good manners. French parents can be strict but give their kids lots of freedom to do things on their own.

Transcript

00:00Meet César, nine years old and out in Paris by himself, picking up some last-minute things

00:06for tonight's family dinner.

00:08Two baguettes and please get some raspberries.

00:12Shopping isn't César's only job at home, though.

00:15He and his sister Emilia regularly help around the house.

00:22I always do the dishes and put away the glasses, plates and cutlery.

00:27The Vieiras live in Paris as a fairly average French family, even if Veronica raises her

00:32two kids, Emilia and César, on her own.

00:37She and her partner separated in 2020, and she's had the kids most of the time since.

00:42What values do French parents try to impart?

00:45We have to raise our children, and I think it's really important that they're well

00:51brought up.

00:52When we eat out, we make sure our kids behave right.

00:56It's important to us.

00:58It's about setting boundaries and giving them clear priorities.

01:06France has about eight million families, and one in four of them has a single parent.

01:11France also has one of Europe's highest birth rates.

01:14On average, each woman has 1.6 to two children, the lowest it's been in over 100 years.

01:21It's still relatively high.

01:23It's important for the Vieiras to have breakfast together.

01:29They won't see one another again until evening.

01:32Emilia and César are in school from 8.30 to 5, and they go by themselves.

01:36After breakfast, I get ready and head out.

01:40I walk to school by myself.

01:42It only takes five minutes.

01:44That's normal.

01:45Everyone does that.

01:48Bye, sweetheart.

01:50I love you.

01:51Have fun today.

01:52See you this evening.

01:54See you this evening.

01:58Emilia and César actually prefer not to be taken to school and picked up.

02:06Veronica reserves some time for herself.

02:09She works in banking.

02:11After giving birth, she went back to work full time when each baby was just three months old.

02:16In France, that's standard.

02:19Two-thirds of French women are employed, right around the European average, but well over

02:23two-thirds of them work full time.

02:26Veronica juggles many roles.

02:29French women are pretty independent.

02:34Within the family, they're so much more than just the ones who organize everything.

02:40As mothers, we're present, but not overbearing, at least, that's what I think.

02:46We try to be good mothers, but also develop our own life as women.

02:55The French state supports families in a variety of ways.

02:59Partial reimbursement of childcare expenses and direct child benefits, for instance.

03:03But how do French families share the actual work of raising the kids?

03:07A lot has changed, right?

03:11I see among my friends that things are shared more equally, but we're still far from true

03:16equality.

03:17I'd say mums still shoulder most of the work.

03:22Dads are usually the ones doing the exciting bits.

03:26Trips, vacations, the fun stuff.

03:29We're stuck with the not so fun parts.

03:32That's how we are.

03:33And sure, maybe we feel guilty if we don't do it, but hey, we're just better at it than

03:39men.

03:44César and Emilia usually get home from school around 5pm.

03:48After that, they do their homework and help out around the house.

03:52César does the grocery shopping, while Emilia helps with the laundry and tidying up.

03:58One pair of shoes.

04:04Put them away now.

04:10I truly believe kids need clear boundaries.

04:14They need to experience frustration sometimes, and they need to hear no.

04:21And when I say no, I say it because I love them.

04:25I also think it's good for them later in life to be autonomous, to learn from a young

04:30age how to manage on their own, and to know I'm not going to do everything for them.

04:38And I don't want to do that.

04:41One thing that's non-negotiable in this family is dinner together.

04:46Every evening at 7pm sharp, the food is on the table.

04:51This time, they're having salad, chicken and vegetables, which César and Emilia have

04:55no problems eating.

04:57And they take their time together.

04:59Something that really matters to me is connection.

05:05Of course, there will be fights and rivalry, that's normal.

05:10But in the end, I want them to know, if there's anyone in the world they can truly count on,

05:15they've got each other.

05:19After dinner, they might play cards or just talk or watch TV.

05:25That's a normal evening for the Vieras.

05:27In many ways, a typical French family.

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