- 2 days ago
Violence against women is a reality everywhere -- in Germany, too. How can that be? What must be done to change this?
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00:00The most dangerous place for a woman is her own home.
00:07This is where she's subject to physical, psychological and sexual violence.
00:12It was a horror. I lived with a monster.
00:16He beat me so hard, he tried to kill me.
00:19One in three women in Germany is affected by violence.
00:23Partners and ex-partners are the greatest threats.
00:26Male and violence, you could definitely say they belong together in a sentence.
00:32Why do we speak so little about gender-specific violence causing injury, even death?
00:38We live in a violent environment, but it's perpetually normalized,
00:44as if there's nothing to stop men from attacking women.
00:49I wanted to find out more about this brutality.
00:53Where does it come from? What role does shame play?
00:56And why do so many people think violence is normal?
01:00A morning somewhere in Germany.
01:15I'm not permitted to say which city I'm in, and can't show the entire facade of this building.
01:20So the women and children who live here remain protected.
01:24I'm visiting a women's shelter.
01:27The women here start the week by having breakfast together and discussing their tasks.
01:31Then they're off to programs like art therapy or yoga.
01:34Cleaning the laundry room? It's Green's turn, isn't it?
01:41The women who live here have all experienced violence.
01:45Alexandra, who has run the shelter since 2006, explains its main purpose.
01:51The most significant thing we offer is a framework for protection and security.
01:58And simply the opportunity for women to collect themselves.
02:02Because violence is very, very wounding and destructive to self-esteem.
02:07This is where women find the space to develop strength.
02:11The shelter is home to six women and seven children at the moment.
02:17Their ages vary, and they come from different countries and all walks of life.
02:22The women are assigned a few community tasks, but mostly take care of themselves.
02:26They go shopping, cook, and do laundry.
02:29Staying here costs 20 euros a night.
02:32Clout shows me the laundry room.
02:35I'm calling her that to protect her identity.
02:38When she was 14, she came to Germany from Turkey and was forced to marry a man twice her age.
02:44She experienced all types of violence.
02:49I was condemned to live a life I didn't want.
02:53Subjected to brutal violence.
02:55Wasn't permitted to learn German.
02:58Had no social life and was forbidden to speak to people.
03:02It was like living in prison.
03:05The mother of three cries as she relates how she always dreamt of singing and wasn't allowed to do even that.
03:12Clout uses a translation app to tell me how she was verbally mistreated by her husband and in-laws.
03:18That's violence too.
03:20In her messages I read things like,
03:22They took my underwear with them to Turkey and handed it out to men.
03:27And humiliating.
03:32On average, a partner or ex-partner commits violence against a woman in Germany every four minutes.
03:38Nearly 133,000 women were affected by gender-specific violence in 2023.
03:45Statistics based only on filed complaints.
03:48In fact, one in three women in Germany is affected.
03:51That's more than 12 million people.
03:54I've traveled to Berlin to meet Christina Klemm, a lawyer.
03:58She's been representing women who've been affected by violence for three decades.
04:02I ask her, is violence simply a part of the society we live in?
04:09We live in a violent environment.
04:12But it's perpetually normalized.
04:14As if there's nothing to stop men from attacking women.
04:18As if it were something you just have to accept.
04:21There was a survey a few months ago on Twitter.
04:25Who would women rather meet when they're alone in the woods?
04:28A man or a bear?
04:3090% of the women said they'd prefer a bear.
04:34Because they could run away from it.
04:36And that's a dreadful statement.
04:41I've traveled to Ulm to meet a perpetrator.
04:44I'll call him Michael.
04:46He beat his partner several times.
04:48A year ago, after an argument, he called the police himself.
04:52I want to know why he resorted to violence.
04:55Hard to say.
04:59At that moment, I really didn't realize I'd done it.
05:02It was a kind of helplessness.
05:06I wanted to clear the air, but it didn't work.
05:10And then I simply tried to master the situation in a different way.
05:14So that she would quiet down.
05:18As if the slap in the face would wake her up.
05:22If I've understood you correctly, you didn't have the tools to handle it.
05:28You didn't know what else to do.
05:31Yes.
05:32In that moment, it was like I had tunnel vision or something.
05:35I thought, this has got to stop.
05:37And then it happened.
05:39On his own, Michael sought help at a psychological counseling center.
05:51That's an exception.
05:53Here, he works in group and individual sessions to process the incident and is provided with methods to avoid violence.
06:01Last time we talked for a long time about where you can go, where to find people you can trust.
06:10Where you know all you need to do is call and say, yes, hello, can I come over?
06:15I'm a person who doesn't like asking for help.
06:22You don't like asking for help.
06:27But who called the police?
06:29Who called the ambulance?
06:31That's help.
06:32Yeah, that's different somehow.
06:37That's her job.
06:39Friends and acquaintances.
06:43I don't want to burden them with this stuff.
06:47Social worker and educator Mario Starr has been working with perpetrators for eight years.
06:53They are between 18 and 80 years old.
06:56They, too, come from all walks of life.
06:59Any man can be a perpetrator.
07:01Mario says violence is a societal problem.
07:04We live in a society that is much more patriarchal than we care to admit.
07:10I think it starts with things like the toys boys and girls play with.
07:16What images of masculinity do most children and young people grow up with?
07:23Masculinity and violence remain closely linked.
07:28I have to show that I'm strong and that I'm somehow masculine.
07:35And if I'm not, what am I then?
07:39Most men, including me, have a false image of being a man.
07:46I personally grew up with an image of masculinity that was, you have to be a man.
07:51You have to be tough and show no feelings.
07:54Being a man means being strong and warrants being violent.
07:59But that's not all.
08:00The case of Giselle Pellicot is one of the most notorious cases of gender-specific violence.
08:06For 10 years, husband Dominique secretly plied her with sedatives,
08:11offered her up for rape on the internet and filmed the abuse.
08:15He and 50 men faced charges in court.
08:18Half of them were abused as children themselves.
08:21That doesn't justify their deeds, but it does show what studies have indicated.
08:27Experiencing violence in childhood increases the probability that a person resorts to violence later on.
08:34Back at the women's shelter, we meet Anna.
08:39Social worker Uli is helping her to fill out forms.
08:43We'll start here, with the permission to publicize private data.
08:48Meaning, may the children be photographed?
08:52Yes, but not their faces.
08:57Agreed.
09:00That's dangerous.
09:03Anna has been living here for a year.
09:06She's considered to be especially in need of protection because her husband tried to kill her
09:11and threatened her and the lives of the children several times.
09:15She's still processing what happened.
09:18I fight with these demons every day.
09:21That's what I do when I'm in therapy.
09:24It's a long process.
09:27A couple of months ago, I had these panic attacks.
09:31I was scared of everything.
09:33I was always looking over my shoulder, thinking maybe he's behind me.
09:40Maybe he'll find me.
09:42She cries as she describes the morning her husband nearly strangled her.
09:48He was completely drunk that day.
09:55He was so furious.
09:57But I tried not to provoke him.
10:00I tried to stay calm.
10:03It happened so fast.
10:07He came to me with his hands like this.
10:12And he tried to choke me.
10:16He called me all sorts of names and said,
10:20You must die.
10:22You don't respect me.
10:24You're not listening to what I'm saying.
10:27I said,
10:29I can't breathe.
10:31Leave me alone.
10:32I have two children.
10:35Beatings and verbal assaults were part of Anna's daily life.
10:40But she still wanted to stay in the relationship.
10:43It was difficult to admit that I was living with a violent husband.
10:47I was ashamed to say I'm living in a toxic relationship.
10:52I was simply ashamed.
10:55Instead, I tried hard to save my marriage and keep mother and father together.
11:05Women feel shame when their partner is violent to them.
11:11There is, for example, the question,
11:14Why didn't you leave earlier?
11:17So that shifts things to the women.
11:20Actually, she's to blame rather than asking why did he keep beating her.
11:26She is made to feel shame.
11:28Because people say,
11:29Look, such a self-confident woman and she allows herself to be beaten.
11:34Nobody allows that.
11:36Women are beaten.
11:38There are so many narratives that actually push the blame onto women.
11:42And then they're ashamed.
11:44And that is wrong.
11:46That's a very patriarchal narrative.
11:52Oli shows me the playroom.
11:55Because a women's shelter is also a refuge for children.
11:59It isn't just mothers who must leave everything behind.
12:02The children do too.
12:04Their toys.
12:05Their friends.
12:06They can't reveal where they live and are not allowed to invite friends over.
12:10At the same time, their fathers use them for leverage.
12:13Here, these children are safe.
12:15Can play and learn applying rules like,
12:18No means no.
12:19Most important of all,
12:21Breaking the cycle of violence and showing a different way to handle things.
12:27Some men manage to do it.
12:29They go to therapy, get help, learn new ways to behave.
12:33But those are the exceptions.
12:38Counseling sessions have helped Michael to open up.
12:41And to confide in others.
12:45It did some good to see myself and other men.
12:49And how close we all were to tears.
12:51Showing emotions.
12:54That was a very good feeling.
12:57Above all, it's good to know you're not alone.
13:01He has also shared his story.
13:04My whole family knows about it.
13:08I'm not proud of it at all.
13:11But I want my family or my friends to really know who I am.
13:15Most of them see me as someone who's reliable.
13:21And then I'll say, hey, I'm no saint.
13:26Sometimes I've also made a damned mess of things too.
13:33Like now.
13:35This site is a place to look for available spaces at women's shelters.
13:41You can enter the place you live and then what kind of space you're seeking.
13:46With or without children.
13:47You can also search in the vicinity.
13:49Okay, let's give it a try.
13:51Here, for example, with two children in Berlin.
13:55In a 50 kilometer radius?
13:59Yes.
14:00I couldn't find any shelters within a radius of 50 kilometers.
14:06There's no space available in Berlin.
14:09Okay, you put in 50 kilometers.
14:12Let's try 100.
14:14Right, we can increase it to 100 kilometers.
14:17There's nothing available there either.
14:21You've also had situations where women have called here and the shelter is full.
14:27What do you tell them?
14:29Try someplace else?
14:30What do you say?
14:32Then I always direct them to this page.
14:36I ask if they have internet access and are able to research it themselves.
14:43Or I also offer to check where there are spaces for them.
14:48I pass on telephone numbers and so on.
14:51Honestly, I don't give it much thought.
14:53If I were to mull it over every time I had to refuse a woman, what happens now?
14:58What will happen to her?
14:59That would be too much for me.
15:02That would really overwhelm me.
15:05That's why I think, pass on the numbers and she'll find a place.
15:09And after all, I'm first of all responsible for the women who live here.
15:14But that means you often have to turn women away.
15:17Yes, aha.
15:19Experts say Germany doesn't have a comprehensive policy to combat gender-specific violence.
15:26If a woman who's been abused has the strength and money, she can find a room like this one.
15:32Currently, there are 7,700 of them.
15:35Yet, according to the Istanbul Convention to Combat Violence Against Women, there's a need for 21,000.
15:44There's also only limited funding for working with perpetrators.
15:49As for the legal side of things?
15:52We still have an unbelievable number of case germinations.
15:56There's still serious minimization of violence in partnerships.
16:00You might be able to get a conviction after three or four years.
16:03We need much faster proceedings.
16:06We need to stop these perpetrators more quickly.
16:09Tell them clearly, we won't tolerate what's happening here.
16:12And it doesn't depend at all on the severity of the sentence.
16:15Instead, it's about reacting quickly.
16:20What would people who help affected women and perpetrators like to see?
16:26We need more ways to offer support and protection.
16:30Women should have access to counseling.
16:33Something which would perhaps prevent making a stay in a women's shelter necessary.
16:38But for the women who then decide to go to a shelter, they should have easy access to spaces.
16:43And on a broader societal level, violence like this should be banned and condemned much more.
16:49Michael says his relationship is now free of violence.
16:55And he's trying to get more therapy.
16:58What is his message for violent men?
17:01Just stop that crap.
17:04There's help available.
17:07If you want it, you'll get it.
17:10And it would be nice if men would accept the help.
17:14Because violence against women is a no-go.
17:17Unacceptable.
17:18Anna has found an apartment and will soon be leaving the women's shelter with her children.
17:24As a parting gift, she's leaving a self-portrait that she painted here.
17:30I want to send a message to all women.
17:35Never give up the fight.
17:38Fight for your dreams.
17:41Find your inner light because it's in your heart.
17:47And don't lose hope.
17:49Keep your chin up every time in every moment.
17:53Fight.
17:55There is only one way out of the maze.
17:58Willpower.
17:59This quote from a former resident hanging on a wall in the shelter applies not only to women,
18:04but also to men who want to break the cycle of violence.
18:10Cloud is learning German and writing a book about her experiences.
18:16Here it's not about taking care of others anymore or being afraid of being beaten today.
18:22No, now I have my life.
18:25I can say that's my coffee.
18:27I paid for it.
18:29That might not be a feeling everyone can understand,
18:32but for me it's a really proud feeling.
18:35And she can finally sing again.
18:40I am a wonderful girl,
18:42I am glad to help the moment some of the past worlds.
18:44Let's do it.
18:45.
18:46To do it right now,
18:47we have to take care of others.
18:48A wonderful guest.
18:49It's very good friend the Thunderfys.
18:50We are covered together.
18:51We are covered with friends,
18:52are covered with friends.
18:53Are you ready?
18:54Did you hear your friends?
18:55If anyone?
18:56Nobody asks.
18:57It's a wonderful day in anyone.
18:58I have had a life on the altarany,
18:59co-озд
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