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00:00:00The End
00:00:30The End
00:01:00The End
00:01:30The End
00:01:59Hi, Mason, dear.
00:02:01Anywhere that can take himself a man secretary to Europe is a tie for me.
00:02:05My name ain't Maxine Mathur.
00:02:07What's your name?
00:02:09You know, mechanical perfection always is interesting.
00:02:12Huh?
00:02:13Oh, uh, quite right.
00:02:15Daddy needs a procedure, don't you, McCoy?
00:02:17They can do better.
00:02:19Who are they?
00:02:20Kelly's Affairs of 1934.
00:02:23Kelly's Affairs?
00:02:24All of them?
00:02:28This fellow, Kelly, must be quite a person.
00:02:31Oh, no, it's a girl's show.
00:02:33You've heard of the Ziegfeld Follies?
00:02:35Well, this is Kelly's Affairs of 1934.
00:02:38Nevertheless, I think this fellow Kelly must lead a wild, disgraceful life.
00:02:43Oh, pardon me.
00:02:47My name is J.
00:02:48Ashmore, uh, Brockton.
00:02:49And mine is James W.
00:02:51Kelly.
00:02:54Well, well, how embarrassing.
00:02:57I must have offended him.
00:02:58Oh, don't let it bother you.
00:03:00Have a cigar.
00:03:01Girls, I want to talk to you.
00:03:03It says run into the salon.
00:03:05Yes, Mr. Kelly.
00:03:06Come on, do it the boss stance.
00:03:08Scram into the saloon.
00:03:09Here, will you go.
00:03:11Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:03:12I thought you were one of my girls.
00:03:15Really?
00:03:15Well, uh, what I mean to say is, uh, or was.
00:03:26I'll bet his father was a hotel detective.
00:03:28You ought to know.
00:03:31Wait a minute.
00:03:36Now, listen, girl.
00:04:00This show's going to Paris.
00:04:01You all have contracts.
00:04:03I want you to remember it's a business trip.
00:04:04Yes, Mr. Kelly.
00:04:05I've agreed to deliver an entire cast.
00:04:07So if any of you think you're going to grab off a rich husband and quit show business,
00:04:10you're all wrong.
00:04:11Yes, Mr. Kelly.
00:04:13So remember, just keep your minds on your feet and off your hearts.
00:04:16In other words, stay away from the men.
00:04:18Yes, Mr. Kelly.
00:04:20Then it's understood.
00:04:21No romance this trip.
00:04:27Okay, Happy.
00:04:28You tell him the rest.
00:04:30I've got to go see the captain.
00:04:32Yes, Mr. Kelly.
00:04:35No, Mr. Kelly.
00:04:57207.
00:04:58Miss Catherine Bell and Maeve.
00:05:00And just who is Miss Catherine Bell?
00:05:03I don't know, sir, but she seems to be a person of considerable importance.
00:05:10And is there anything else, sir?
00:05:13Yes.
00:05:14Who has 209?
00:05:18It's vacant.
00:05:18You mean, uh, it was vacant.
00:05:23Yes, sir.
00:05:25It was vacant.
00:05:37I'm as happy as a lark
00:05:40Flying through the clouds above
00:05:43Here I stand
00:05:46Oh!
00:05:48Oh, it's grand
00:05:50I'm right next door to love
00:05:53Once I whistle in the dark
00:05:56Oh, Kelly.
00:05:57Kelly.
00:05:58Don't do it.
00:06:00Please don't do it, Kelly.
00:06:02Do what?
00:06:03Fall in love.
00:06:06Who's falling in love?
00:06:07You are.
00:06:09On account of every time you yodel in the back
00:06:11You're falling in love
00:06:12And every time you fall in love
00:06:13You get in trouble
00:06:14And every time you get in trouble
00:06:15I've got to fix it
00:06:16Oh, Kelly, don't do it.
00:06:17Please don't do it.
00:06:26Oh!
00:06:26Tell me
00:06:27Heard about a guy called Cupid
00:06:33Funny little love decoy
00:06:37Thought he was insane
00:06:40Bringing everyone pain
00:06:42He was off my list
00:06:49I'll admit that I was stupid
00:06:51Laughing at the bare-haired boy
00:06:55With his little dark he awakened my heart
00:07:01To the joys I'd miss
00:07:04I'm as happy as the Lord
00:07:13Flying through the sky above
00:07:18Gee, it's grand, here I stand
00:07:22Right next door to love
00:07:26Once I whistled in the dark
00:07:30Now I'm cooing like a dove
00:07:35Whose hands high, here am I
00:07:40Right next door to love
00:07:43Please unlock the door
00:07:50To happiness
00:07:57If I knock
00:08:01Will your heart answer yes
00:08:11Please say yes
00:08:16You will fit within my arms
00:08:22Like a hand within a glove
00:08:27Come right in, the walls are thin
00:08:32I'm right next door to love
00:08:36Hey, hey
00:08:38Remember what you said now
00:08:40This ain't no pleasure trip
00:08:42It's business
00:08:43I mean business
00:08:46This time
00:08:47Good morning, girls
00:09:03Good morning, Mr. Kelly
00:09:04How do you like the ocean this morning?
00:09:06Oh, I think it's awfully cute
00:09:07If you think that this proposition is worthy
00:09:12Hey
00:09:13How did she get that so quickly?
00:09:16Oh, she just had one of her little cells in the dropsy
00:09:19Dropsy?
00:09:20Yes
00:09:21First she dropped her bag and he picked it up
00:09:23Then she dropped her book and he picked that up
00:09:26Then she dropped her handkerchief
00:09:27And she picked him up
00:09:28Yes, Mr. Kelly
00:09:29I want you girls to understand that
00:09:31Give me your handkerchief
00:09:36What?
00:09:37Come on, your handkerchief
00:09:38Old lady
00:09:55You dropped your handkerchief, Miss
00:10:03Oh, Mr. Kelly
00:10:06Now I'll show you just what I mean
00:10:11Rodney
00:10:12Yes, Miss
00:10:13The Bulgarian contract
00:10:16Yes, sir
00:10:16Oh, you play contract
00:10:18I'm just glad to learn
00:10:20No, no, no, my dear
00:10:21You misunderstand
00:10:22You see, my contract is with the king of Belgardia
00:10:25He's engaged me as efficiency engineer
00:10:27The Belgardian papers
00:10:28Yes, thank you
00:10:29You see, this is my contract with the king
00:10:32And I might add that it's a very valuable document
00:10:34Oh, it's pretty
00:10:36Isn't it
00:10:37I don't see anything about money in here
00:10:41Why, there it is
00:10:43I'm to receive 100,000 pursuiters
00:10:46That's the Bulgarian unit of exchange
00:10:49You've heard of the pursuiters
00:10:51Oh, sure
00:10:52Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
00:10:55Yes
00:10:55Yes, yes, yes
00:10:56No
00:10:56Oh, dear
00:10:58I'm afraid I'll never learn
00:11:00On account of maybe I'm too young to understand about money
00:11:03Oh, now, don't you be discouraged, my dear
00:11:06Just you come and see me every day
00:11:09And I'll explain it to you step by step
00:11:12Oh, that's sweet of you, Mr. Frostman
00:11:14But I'm afraid I can't on account of Mr. Kelly
00:11:17Why, Mr. Kelly?
00:11:20Well, you see, he's pretty strict about our having genuine friends
00:11:22And on account that he has me under contract to him
00:11:25I have to do just what he tells me
00:11:27Now, if you had my contract
00:11:30I'd have to do just what you tell me, wouldn't I?
00:11:33I suppose so
00:11:35Oh, I'd make
00:11:37Yes, sir
00:11:39See Mr. Kelly and attend to this matter
00:11:41Oh, Ashmore
00:11:43Shall I buy the young lady's contract, sir?
00:11:46Buy, of course
00:11:47Mr. Kelly?
00:11:59I'm Kelly
00:12:00I have come to see you on a very important matter
00:12:03Will you join us?
00:12:05Thank you
00:12:05Partender, I love it, man
00:12:07Fix yourself up, bud
00:12:09Thank you, sir
00:12:10I'll take a cigar
00:12:11I'll smoke it when I get off duty
00:12:15Mr. Kelly, you'd give a charming lady great happiness
00:12:18If you'd sell her contract
00:12:19What are you talking about?
00:12:21Miss Maxine Latour
00:12:23Well, who the deuce are you?
00:12:25I'm Mr. J. Ashmore Brockton's secretary
00:12:28Yeah?
00:12:30And talk to my secretary
00:12:32Both want to buy the whole show?
00:12:37Oh, no
00:12:37No, just Miss Latour
00:12:39No
00:12:40Can't do that
00:12:42Bust up her whole troupe
00:12:52She's a featured dancer
00:12:54Mr. Brockton will be very disappointed
00:12:57His wrath will know no bounds
00:12:59Oh, don't let that bother you
00:13:04Have a cigar
00:13:05Well, I'll be here for a minute
00:13:17It always doesn't
00:13:31Is the lady of the house at home?
00:13:42I'm working my way through college
00:13:44And I thought that possibly
00:13:45She might be interested in
00:13:46A lady's home companion
00:13:49No, Mr. Kelly
00:13:50I'll be here for a minute
00:14:08I'll be here for a minute
00:14:08I'll be here for a minute
00:14:09Oh, Ashmore
00:14:22Good morning, Maxine
00:14:24Oh, don't you just love roller skates?
00:14:26Yes, indeed
00:14:27They remind me of my youth
00:14:28Did you skate much?
00:14:29No, never
00:14:30But they still remind me of my youth
00:14:32Oh, that's too bad
00:14:34Because I'm just crazy
00:14:35About men who skate
00:14:36Oh, they're so athletic
00:14:38Yes
00:14:38May I borrow your skates?
00:14:41Oh, but Ashmore
00:14:42You might get hurt
00:14:43Oh, touch it, touch it
00:14:44Skating is merely a matter
00:14:48Of concentration
00:14:49And coordination
00:14:51It's merely
00:14:52Merely child's play
00:14:54Easy as falling off a log
00:14:57Oh, Ashmore
00:14:59Oh, Ashmore
00:15:01You're hurt
00:15:02A slight miscalculation
00:15:05Well, let me help you
00:15:06Maxine
00:15:09Maxine
00:15:10I want you to do that
00:15:32Oh, fancy meeting you here
00:15:45I just thought I'd drop in
00:15:47Won't you have dinner with me?
00:15:49I'd love to have dinner with you tonight
00:15:51Swell
00:15:52Sylvie, I'm on fire
00:15:57It's the liniment, Your Highness
00:15:59No, silly
00:16:00The American
00:16:01He's the nicest man I've ever met
00:16:03I'm simply
00:16:04Well, I just can't think of the words
00:16:07Isn't that China?
00:16:09Thank you, Sylvia
00:16:10That's the word
00:16:11I'm simply nuts about him
00:16:13Hello?
00:16:17I'm as happy as a lark
00:16:21Flying through the clouds above
00:16:25Gee, it's grand
00:16:27Here I stand
00:16:29Right next door to love
00:16:33Once I whistled in the dark
00:16:37Now I'm cooing like a doll
00:16:40Who sings, hi, here am I
00:16:45Right next door to love
00:16:48Please unlock the door to happiness
00:16:54If I knock with your heart
00:17:00And say yes
00:17:02Please say yes
00:17:04You will fit within my arms
00:17:07Like a hand within a glove
00:17:11Come on in
00:17:14The walls are thin
00:17:16I'm right next door to love
00:17:19You know, I'm an awful dud
00:17:27Why?
00:17:29Oh, I don't know
00:17:30I've made love to dozens of women
00:17:32And dozens of plays
00:17:34Now that I'm really in love
00:17:36I don't know what to say
00:17:39Well, what would you say
00:17:41If you were in the theater?
00:17:42Well, that'd be simple
00:17:43Here
00:17:44Now this is the stage
00:17:47And this is the proscenium march
00:17:49Now over here are the wings
00:17:52Now over here is a bench
00:17:56And you
00:17:59Are seated on the bench
00:18:03Then I come on over here
00:18:05And you look up and sigh
00:18:12And then you say
00:18:14You shouldn't have come, Montmorency
00:18:16Think, my father
00:18:18And I look back at you
00:18:20And then the orchestra strikes a chord
00:18:22Believe me
00:18:28My days begin and end with you
00:18:35Always believe me
00:18:40Without you days gone
00:18:45Believe me
00:18:51My nights are dreams that blend in you
00:18:58You never leave me
00:19:03From the dusk till the dawn
00:19:09It's you alone
00:19:15Inspiring my each and other
00:19:21My very own
00:19:26My heart is your throne
00:19:29Forever and ever
00:19:36Believe me
00:19:42I'll worship you
00:19:45I'll worship you
00:19:46My whole life
00:19:50Always believe me
00:19:59When I say
00:20:03Dear
00:20:04I love you
00:20:10What's the trouble, Happy?
00:20:28Clarity, read this
00:20:30What?
00:20:31Clarity, read this
00:20:32What?
00:20:45Is there anything wrong?
00:20:47I'm afraid the show's over
00:20:52I'm afraid the show's over
00:20:59It's a fine bunch of friends
00:21:00Listen to this
00:21:01No, I should say not
00:21:04Nothing doing
00:21:05Santa Claus is dead
00:21:08They had any other way of saying no
00:21:10They'd have used it
00:21:11We'll get out of it somehow
00:21:15We've been broke before
00:21:16Yeah, I know it
00:21:18Didn't have a gang of women on our hands though
00:21:20Say, do you realize we haven't got enough dough
00:21:22To bring them back home?
00:21:23Oh boy
00:21:25Oh boy
00:21:26Oh boy
00:21:27I'm sorry sir, but it's not for you
00:21:28A radiogram from Mr. Brockton
00:21:32Oh, thank you
00:21:34Thank you
00:21:53Anything wrong, sir?
00:21:55Everything
00:21:57This is most disgusting
00:21:59Why did I ever become an efficiency engineer?
00:22:02It was very inefficient of you
00:22:06What's that?
00:22:07I mean, it was a trifle inefficient for a man of your great intelligence
00:22:11Intelligence? Bah!
00:22:13What good is it when I see a lot of brainless idiots making a success?
00:22:17Look at those two fools over there enjoying a perfectly lovely trip with...
00:22:21Without a thing to worry about
00:22:23You know what burns me up happy is to see a couple of saps like that sitting on top of the world
00:22:32We'd have been better off if you'd have sold to Maxine's contract when he wanted us
00:22:36Yeah
00:22:37Rodney
00:22:38Yes, sir?
00:22:39Do you think I could manage a theatrical troupe of young ladies?
00:22:42You always were an expert at figures, sir
00:22:49Happy? Our troubles are over
00:22:51How come?
00:22:52I'll give him Maxine's contract if he takes the rest of the gals with us
00:22:57Kelly, you're a genius
00:22:59Did you ever see a horse trade, Rodney?
00:23:02No, sir
00:23:04Well, um...
00:23:06The trick is to trade the horse that you don't want for the...
00:23:09One that you do want
00:23:12Understand?
00:23:14Perfectly
00:23:15But, uh, we have no horse
00:23:18Give me that Belgardian contract
00:23:21That's our horse
00:23:22But you can't trade this contract
00:23:24It's worthless, sir
00:23:27They don't know that
00:23:28Steward
00:23:33Yes, sir?
00:23:34Will you ask those two gentlemen over there if they will join us in a drink, please?
00:23:38Ask the gentlemen over there if they'll join us in a drink
00:23:40Yes, sir
00:23:45Mr. Kelly would like you to join him in a drink
00:23:47Mr. Brockton would like you to join him in a drink
00:23:49Mr. Brockton would like you to join him in a drink
00:23:53Certainly
00:23:54Yes
00:24:01Well, we can have a drink
00:24:06We have a drink
00:24:09Have one yourself, Flint
00:24:10Thanks, sir
00:24:11But, uh, I'm not allowed to drink on duty
00:24:13Well, here, have a couple of cigars
00:24:15Thank you
00:24:16Hello
00:24:20Several days ago, you offered to buy Mr. Latour's contract
00:24:23Now, uh, I've been thinking it over
00:24:25So am I, Mr. Kelly?
00:24:27Now, if I wanted to buy your whole show, um, you might have felt differently
00:24:32Well, uh, uh, I've never thought of selling
00:24:36But if I did, it would have to be an awfully good proposition
00:24:39Of course, I hadn't thought of buying
00:24:42But if I did, I...
00:24:44I might lay $500 down, uh, just like that
00:24:51Then what would you say?
00:24:53Why, I brought those kids up from chorus girls
00:24:56Even if I wanted to sell my show, which I don't
00:24:59It would take a lot more than $500
00:25:01Well, of course, if I really wanted to buy your show, I might raise that $500 to $1,000
00:25:13That's perfectly ridiculous
00:25:15Say, if I sold my show, I wouldn't know what to do with myself
00:25:17Well, I can fix that
00:25:19I have a contract here with the King of Belgardia
00:25:23That will pay the owner $100,000 a year as an efficiency expert
00:25:27Well, just how much is that in real money?
00:25:29$10,000
00:25:32Now, if I really loved a girl in your show that I couldn't bear to be separated from
00:25:39I might throw the contract in with the deal
00:25:42Then what would you say?
00:25:44I'd never let it be said that a Kelly stood in the way of true love
00:25:47It's a deal
00:25:49Rodney
00:25:51Yes, sir, transfer the contract
00:25:53Moran, transfer our contract
00:25:59There you are, gentlemen
00:26:09I wish you the best of luck
00:26:13Thanks, have a cigar
00:26:15Next, next, not here
00:26:17Oh, boy, cigars for the gentleman
00:26:19Yes, sir
00:26:24Yes, sir
00:26:25Oh, Mr. Kelly, since I'm the star of your review, there's a lot of things I wanted...
00:26:40Wait a minute, wait a minute
00:26:42Here, tell it to your new boss, Mr. J. Ashmore Crofton
00:26:46Oh, Ashmore, is it true?
00:26:48Indeed it is, my dear
00:26:54I certainly put one over on Kelly
00:27:08Wouldn't it be better, Your Highness, if you didn't see him again?
00:27:11But, Sylvia, I love him
00:27:13You know, the boat dock's tomorrow
00:27:15And then I know
00:27:17Oh, the whole thing's impossible
00:27:19But I must see him tonight
00:27:21Even if it's only to say goodbye
00:27:23I'm sure glad we got that thousand bucks
00:27:25So we can beat it back home
00:27:27Not so fast, we're going to Belgardia to collect on this contract
00:27:30Oh, what do you know about running a kingdom?
00:27:33Listen, stupid, didn't I play the lead in the student prince, the vagabond king and all the king's horses?
00:27:38All these kingdoms are alike, it's a cinch
00:27:41I hope you don't forget your line
00:27:46Beat it, will you?
00:27:47I'll see you later
00:27:49Good evening
00:27:51Good evening
00:27:53Good night, Sylvia
00:27:55Good night
00:27:57I've been looking all over for you
00:27:59Isn't this our dance?
00:28:01I thought you'd forgotten it
00:28:02I wish this boat didn't drop tomorrow
00:28:08So do I
00:28:10But I'll see you again
00:28:11I'm afraid not
00:28:13What's the matter? Going to meet your husband?
00:28:15I'm not married
00:28:17In love with someone else?
00:28:18No
00:28:20Well, now that that's all settled
00:28:22When will I see you again?
00:28:24You won't
00:28:26After tonight we mustn't meet again
00:28:28Oh, I see
00:28:30That's another shipboard romance, eh?
00:28:32No, no, you're wrong
00:28:34The evening is the sweetest thing that's ever happened to me
00:28:37But we can't see each other anymore
00:28:39Why not?
00:28:41Don't ask me
00:28:43I can't tell you
00:28:45Oh, I can't leave you like this
00:28:47I love you
00:28:49Don't you remember last night?
00:28:51Do you hear what they're playing?
00:28:59It's you alone
00:29:03Inspiring my age
00:29:06And ever
00:29:10My very own
00:29:14My heart is your throne
00:29:17Forever
00:29:18Forever
00:29:20Forever
00:29:22Forever
00:29:23Forever
00:29:25Believe me
00:29:29I'll worship you
00:29:32My whole life through
00:29:36Always believe me
00:29:38I'll worship you
00:29:40My whole life through
00:29:42Always believe me
00:29:44When I say
00:29:45I love you
00:29:58I love you
00:30:01Goodbye.
00:30:31It is majesty, the king.
00:30:49It is majesty, the king.
00:31:01It is majesty, the king.
00:31:31It is majesty, the king.
00:32:01It is majesty, the king.
00:32:31It is majesty, the king.
00:33:01It is majesty, the king.
00:33:02It is majesty, the king.
00:33:38It is majesty.
00:33:39It is majesty.
00:33:40It is majesty.
00:33:41It is majesty.
00:33:42It is majesty.
00:33:43It is majesty.
00:33:44It is majesty.
00:33:45It is majesty.
00:33:46It is majesty.
00:33:47It is majesty.
00:33:48It is majesty.
00:33:49It is majesty.
00:33:50It is majesty.
00:33:51It is majesty.
00:33:52It is majesty.
00:33:53It is majesty.
00:33:54It is majesty.
00:33:55It is majesty.
00:33:56It is majesty.
00:33:57It is majesty.
00:33:58It is majesty.
00:33:59It is majesty.
00:34:00It is majesty.
00:34:01It is majesty.
00:34:02It is majesty.
00:34:03It is majesty.
00:34:04It is majesty.
00:34:05It is majesty.
00:34:06It is majesty.
00:34:07It is majesty.
00:34:08It is majesty.
00:34:09It is majesty.
00:34:10It is majesty.
00:34:11It is majesty.
00:34:12It is majesty.
00:34:13It is majesty.
00:34:14It is majesty.
00:34:15It is majesty.
00:34:16Well, here you are
00:34:42today.
00:34:43hands with the student prince. And I am the court jester. Good gentleman, I assure you.
00:34:51Now hold it. Hold it. Would you ever see this one? Well. No, never mind. Never mind. I can do something
00:35:06better than that. Do you like flowers? Yes. Well, smell that. You're not a bad guy. What's your
00:35:26name, though? Maximilian. No harm met, Maxie, old boy.
00:35:36Goodbye, Maxie. This is as far as we go. Yeah, beat it. We got business inside. But I want
00:35:52to go in here, too. That's what we get for picking up a hobo. Oh, well, let him go. The
00:35:57guards will throw him out anyhow.
00:36:06Listen, Maxie, we gave you a lift. Now what more do you want? But this is where I...
00:36:11Well, if you must follow us, you might as well help. Here, take these.
00:36:16Here you are, my man. For your trouble. Have a cigar. Take it on the lam. On the lam? Yeah. Scram.
00:36:44Oh. Scram. Yeah, that's it. How'd you like the way those mugs are saluting us? Some reception,
00:36:57eh? They must have been expecting us. We're a couple of big shots. You said it, pal.
00:37:02Paul. Run along, my man. Tell the king the efficiency engineers are here. Paul. Where's your
00:37:09pass? Why, we don't need any pass. The king sent for us. No pass. How did you get
00:37:14from the palace? Have a cigar. He just walked in. Forced entry, huh? You're under arrest.
00:37:21Oh, no, I bet.
00:37:25The recklessness, these men have forced their way into the palace. Well, what have you to
00:37:29say for yourselves? It's a frame-up. I want a lawyer. That's a poor excuse. We ought to
00:37:36give them ten years in prison. Say, you're making a terrible mistake. I've changed my mind.
00:37:40We'll give them plenty years. It's an outrage. I'd demand to see the king. He's expecting
00:37:45us. Why? The men are maniacs. We'll give them life. Hey, wait till the king hears about this.
00:37:52You'll all be looking for new jobs. His majesty, the king. Man, now you'll get it. Wait till I
00:37:58tell him what's been going on around here. Gentlemen. Holy smoke, it's Maxie. Oh, tell the boys I died, game.
00:38:20Your majesty, these men forced their way into the palace. It isn't true. How did you get past the
00:38:25centuries? Why we came in was... I don't remember, your honor. You see, your majesty, we are the
00:38:34efficiency experts from America. My name is Kelly, and this is my assistant, Mr. Moran. I have sent for
00:38:42these gentlemen. Welcome to Bulgaria. Now we are even. All right, take it on the land. On the land,
00:38:59your majesty. Yes, scram. Gentlemen, be seated. Me? Mr. Kelly, I want this country completely
00:39:19reorganized, and it's up to you. You will have complete charge of everything, even the finances
00:39:25of this kingdom. That's just what I want. I'll put this over like a three-ring circuit. And don't
00:39:30think he can't do it. He's one of the smartest men in the show, uh, I mean in the
00:39:33sufficiency racket. You made it, Steve. Documents of importance. In the future, give all documents
00:39:39of this sort to Mr. Kelly. I'll hear you out. Gas. Telephone. Electricity. What? No milk or ice?
00:39:52Oh, my mistake. Say, why weren't these bills paid? They want money. And we haven't any. You
00:40:04mean, you're broke? Absolutely. We've been gypped. Double-crossed. Say, haven't you any assets
00:40:11at all? Uh, here is a list of everything. These are the liabilities and the, the assets. Say,
00:40:26what's this 500,000 mops? That's our main industry. It's the only thing we manufacture in this country.
00:40:32Well, why don't you sell them? We can't. People prefer using vacuum cleaners. Say, just how do you get
00:40:39along? We don't. Prince Alexis of Moronia had to lend us 200,000 pursuiters. You'll find that
00:40:50in the liability. How are you going to repay him? That's for you to worry about. Have you a match?
00:40:59Oh, sure. Thanks for the cigar. I haven't smoked an American cigar in a long time. Oh, I'm sorry,
00:41:10but that's the last match I had. Here's an item of three princes named Stefani. Good-looking boys?
00:41:20Rather look like me. Fine. We'll ship them to Hollywood and marry them to screen stores. That always works.
00:41:28It's entirely in your hand. That's the spirit. Happy, have you got a match? Sure. Why didn't you like
00:41:34the king's cigar? Those practical jokes of yours are going to get us in trouble someday. These trick
00:41:44matches don't light. My mistake. I didn't want to smoke anyhow. Say, who is this Princess Tania? She certainly
00:41:57knows how to spend money. She's my daughter. The successor to the throne. My only child. You know
00:42:04how it is. Oh, I see. Where is she now? She's in Paris. But she'll be here in a few days. Say,
00:42:11we can't afford a princess. She'll have to get married. Anyone interested in her? As a matter of
00:42:18thanks, Prince Alexis lent us the 200,000 pursuiters because he wants to marry her. And if she marries him,
00:42:26we don't have to pay the debt. We kill off two birds with one stone. Same old story. Little
00:42:31Mel marries to pay off the mortgage on the old homestead. But my daughter doesn't like Prince
00:42:38Alexis. Well, make her like him. You're her old man. Sure. Who's king around here anyway?
00:42:46I am. Then that settles it. She marries Prince Alexis. My prime minister has favored that idea
00:42:53for a long time. Wait until you meet him. I know you'll get on very well with Count
00:42:58Parcheesi. You may go, gentlemen. Count Parcheesi. Count Parcheesi. A good day's work, gentlemen.
00:43:12I wonder what happened to my cigar.
00:43:19Thanks, gentlemen. For years, someone has been stealing my cigars and I never could find out
00:43:23who it was. Oh, just a sample of our efficiency, your majesty. Call me Maxie. Okay, Maxie. So
00:43:29long, Maxie. Count Parcheesi.
00:43:39Welcome Parcheesi. How is my daughter? I brought her safely back from America. She's on the train
00:43:44now. I came back by airplane. Good. This dilly-dallying has been going on long enough. I have made up my mind
00:43:53that my daughter shall marry Prince Alexis of Moronia. But your majesty, suppose she doesn't
00:43:57like the idea. I'll make her like it. I'm her old man. Who's king around here anyhow? You are
00:44:05your majesty. Then that settles it. Leave immediately for Moronia and tell Prince Alexis that we are
00:44:11announcing his betrothal to the Princess Tania. I shall leave at once, your majesty.
00:44:15But your majesty. No, no. Get out of here. But where's the... Get out of here, I said.
00:44:34You can take those beads back and tell that old girl I wouldn't be lying here if you were
00:44:39the last man on earth. But your father the king will be... I don't want to hear any more
00:44:44about it. And you can tell my father the king that if he comes up here, I'll throw him out
00:44:47too. That's perfectly terrible, Maxie. Perfectly terrible. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
00:44:58I'm sorry, gentlemen. Give me another chance, please. All right. Let's give him one more
00:45:05chance. All right. One more chance. Come on. Ta-dum, ta-dum, bum, bum. Hey, hey. How am I doing?
00:45:12Your majesty. Your majesty. Well, what is it? Not just the IVV. Your daughter refused to accept
00:45:18the Prince's engagement gift. Why, that's open rebellion. What will we do? Don't let her get
00:45:25away with it just because you're her father. Show her that you're the king. You're right.
00:45:31Well, wait a minute, Steve. Oh, thank you.
00:45:55Well, what do you want? Tanya, darling, don't get excited. It's only your father. Get away
00:46:05from here. I don't ever want to see you again. Leave this to me. I've handled temperamental
00:46:10prima donnas before. Oh, princess, will you please open this door so we can discuss this
00:46:19quietly? Now you listen to me, young lady. This nonsense has got to stop. That suits me,
00:46:28so the sooner you stop, the better I like it. Oh, wisecracker, eh? Why, you a funny little
00:46:33idiot. With a disposition like yours, you should be very happy that any man wants to marry you.
00:46:37Oh, is that so? Well, did you ever see Prince Alexis? And what has that got to do with it?
00:46:42He has gout, bald teeth, and a bald head. And says, oh, he's 81 years old. So much the better.
00:46:46He can't live forever. The engagement has been announced. Unless you go through with
00:46:50this marriage, it means war. Good. It'll give the army some exercise.
00:46:54But we can't go to war. The army quit last payday. Don't you realize if you don't marry Prince
00:47:00Alexis, he'll foreclose the mortgage on this palace? I can't help it. I will not marry that
00:47:05man. And why not? Because I love someone else. Oh, going to sacrifice your country for a drugstore
00:47:12cowboy, eh? He's the finest man that ever lived. If he were half a man instead of a mocked-down
00:47:17gigolo, he'd be here with you right now. Is he worried? Make you eat your work, you
00:47:21nincompoop! Princess or no princess, there's no pug-nosed, bandy-legged, cock-eyed bell-guardian
00:47:29going to call me a nincompoop and get away with it. Hey, is there any other way into that room?
00:47:35Through the balcony. Jimmy! Oh, darling! What have I done? Are you hurt? Catherine! Oh, sweetheart,
00:47:59you shouldn't have followed me here. I don't know what they'll do to you if they find you
00:48:03with me. They want me to marry some old prince. But I love you. Oh, please take me away from
00:48:11here. Oh, gee, that's a swell idea. Where did you get this engagement present? But darling,
00:48:18I didn't know that you were the princess. Oh, so this engagement is your idea. Oh, but
00:48:24how was I to know that you... Oh, what difference does that make? And you were the man who had
00:48:29nerve enough to tell me not to sacrifice my country for a drugstore cowboy, a cheap fortune
00:48:33hunter. Well, you were right. I won't. Oh, but darling... Don't dolling me. I'm just a pug-nosed,
00:48:38cross-eyed, bald-legged, bell-guardian that's only fit to marry Prince Alexis. You fix it for
00:48:42me to marry him. All right? I will. But listen, darling, can't we... See if you can fix that.
00:48:48Father. But Tanya, I... Your flunky here has just convinced me that I should marry Prince Alexis.
00:48:53Your magic, Arthur. Word, not a word, my boy. This is no type of modesty. You might pass
00:48:58it off lightly, but I know you've done a great job. Congratulations.
00:49:11But listen, Happy, this is serious. We're in an awful jam. What do you mean we are? You
00:49:17are. You were the one who thought about running this kingdom. Oh, I knew it. But I got her into
00:49:22the mess. Now I've got to get her out of it. How different does that make? As far as she's
00:49:25concerned, you're in the doghouse. I'm not worrying about myself, but I can't stand by
00:49:30and watch her marry this mug. Tell me, what am I going to do? Why ask me? I didn't play
00:49:34on all the king's horses. Gee, if I could only pay that Alexis to 200,000
00:49:38pursuiters that Maxie owes him, I could tell him to go jump in the lake. That's it.
00:49:42Happy, all we have to do is race 200,000 pursuiters. Yeah, that's all we have to do,
00:49:47race 200,000 pursuiters. Oh, but Happy, listen. Oh, where are you going? We would like to see the
00:49:54palace. Oh, that's against the law. We came all the way far away. And Effie here, that's my wife,
00:50:00she's never seen a palace. We'll give you 25 pursuiters. Oh, I couldn't think of it. Well,
00:50:06I'm a son of a gun. Sir, for less than 50 pursuiters. Okay, we'll give you 50 pursuiters.
00:50:14Oh, how dare you offer me 50 pursuiters to let you enter the palace grounds? Why I wouldn't violate
00:50:19His Majesty's commands for a million pursuiters? Very good, Arnold. Very good. You may take the
00:50:25rest to the afternoon off. Oh, thank you, sire. Did you offer my guard 50 pursuiters to let you
00:50:33carry the palace grounds? I'm sorry, sir, but I did. You couldn't make it a hundred pursuiters,
00:50:41could you? Yes, sir. Happy? Our troubles are over. How come? Get a load of that.
00:50:51Step this way, ladies and gentlemen. Step this way. At the inside, we have a destroyer palace.
00:51:04For a million, three and a half, Mr. Price awaited you. And all for the sum of 25 pursuiters.
00:51:1325 pursuiters, one tenth of a roof on. And they're going to have a forged colossal.
00:51:19The story is colossal. And all for 25 pursuiters. Are we taking in these doves? Are we taking
00:51:27in these doves, pal? It's the thrill of a lifetime. Yes, sir, ladies and gentlemen. It's the thrill
00:51:33of a lifetime. You can't afford to miss it. Okay, pal, you keep it going. I'm going to check
00:51:38up inside. All right, I'll probably in. Take all the bars. We all the officials over there
00:51:43from the field of Belgaudia. Our business rocks. But sheriff, success is just across the
00:51:48moat. Here you are, pal. Here you are. Take all the rocks. You're the sickness from the
00:51:54of Belgaudia. Here you are, pal. Take all the bars. Here you are. Move and air, pal. Here it
00:52:02is the sport of keen. Hot dog. Hot dog. If I fail to guess within three pounds of the
00:52:08weight. Warm puppies. Warm puppies. Will you indulge in warm puppies? Hot dogs, you slug.
00:52:16Here you are. Here you are. Hot dog. Hot dog. How do you like them, friend?
00:52:21How does that buzz it? Maxie, you're eating up all the profits. Go on back to your own job.
00:52:28Here you are. Here you are. Hot dog. Hot dog. Have a mop, lady? No, thank you. I'll use
00:52:37a bathroom, please. How are they selling? Oh, I can't even give them away. Well, keep
00:52:44trying. Only twenty-five students have like that rat-taking. All in spite. All in spite.
00:52:51All in spite. All in spite. All in spite. All in spite. All in spite. All in spite. All in spite.
00:52:55Each and every person. Make it a complete success. Here you are. Here you are. Here you
00:53:00are. There you are. Young lady. Here you are. Here you are.
00:53:04All right, Kelly.
00:53:13I was just on my way to work.
00:53:18There, Kelly.
00:53:19Here you are, ladies.
00:53:20You're friends.
00:53:23Do not leave the girls without having your photograph made beside His Majesty.
00:53:28The right sum of a 25 pursuit of.
00:53:31Ah, you little ladies.
00:53:32Would you like to have your photograph made beside the King of Bogartia?
00:53:35Okay, boys.
00:53:37Give us a little birdie.
00:53:40Thank you, Your Majesty.
00:53:42Would you buy a mop?
00:53:44A mop?
00:53:45I should say not.
00:53:46I use a vacuum cleaner.
00:53:49Sir, hiya.
00:53:50Let's go to the stadium.
00:53:52Take all the mops.
00:53:54Here you are.
00:53:57Here we have King Max Phillips the Ford beneath Royal Road.
00:54:02Tanya, really.
00:54:09Oh, that's another one of your brilliant ideas.
00:54:11Oh, but darling, listen.
00:54:12Don't speak to me.
00:54:13I never want to see you again.
00:54:18Here's your prize, lady.
00:54:20Here's your prize.
00:54:21Here we go.
00:54:23There.
00:54:23That's fine.
00:54:24That's fine, young lady.
00:54:25Everything's going this way.
00:54:26Now come along to the right.
00:54:28On the farroes.
00:54:29Come right along here now.
00:54:30Ah, here is your prize, lady.
00:54:34I've never been so humiliated in all my life.
00:54:37I hope you're satisfied.
00:54:38I'm not doing all this to hurt you.
00:54:40The country is bankrupt and I'm only trying to help.
00:54:42You'll surely pick a fine way to do it.
00:54:45We'll make money, aren't we?
00:54:46Certainly, for a few weeks.
00:54:47But how long do you think this ridiculous heartbreak can last?
00:54:50Here.
00:54:51Here's the only important thing in the country.
00:54:53Smops.
00:54:53And you're giving them away.
00:54:55It's a price.
00:54:55If you really want to put this country on the feet, you'll sell us mops.
00:54:59Only it takes more than a crooner to do it.
00:55:02Oh, yeah?
00:55:05Well, if any canter can sell coffee and Rudy Valley can sell yeast, I can sell mops.
00:55:12Cheerio, everyone.
00:55:14This is Jimmy Kelly, speaking for the Royal Mop Company, the makers of the personality mops.
00:55:19Use the personality mops and clean up with pleasure.
00:55:23The personality mops is different.
00:55:26They are colored in perfume.
00:55:28A color for every occasion.
00:55:30And a perfume for every mood.
00:55:32The personality mops is the mop of romance.
00:55:35It is the mop beautiful.
00:55:38From the shimmering rainbow comes the exquisite colors.
00:55:42From the fragrant wildflowers, their exotic perfume.
00:55:47It is the personality mops.
00:55:51Born in a palace and fit for a king.
00:55:55So good night, everybody.
00:55:58Until the same hour tomorrow, when personality mops will again bring you Jimmy Kelly,
00:56:05the voice of romance, singing.
00:56:08There's a love song in the air.
00:56:18It's the song of my heart calling to you.
00:56:27Can't you hear my song declare, even though we're apart, my love is true.
00:56:41Every word, every note tells my longing.
00:56:47Every rhyme speaks of you through and through and through and there's a love song in the air.
00:57:04It's the song of my heart calling to you.
00:57:14Perfumed colored mops.
00:57:23It's ridiculous.
00:57:24He can't sell mops that way.
00:57:26I don't know.
00:57:27He's been successful in everything else he's tried.
00:57:30Personality mops.
00:57:32The voice of our old man.
00:57:34A lot of good that'll do.
00:57:35You never can tell.
00:57:37Our women have never heard a crooner before.
00:57:39I'll bet you our women don't buy any mops, even if he sings until he's blue in the face.
00:57:58And what perfume do you desire, madam?
00:58:03Night of the...
00:58:05I want a mop to match my dress.
00:58:09Here you are, madam.
00:58:18And what perfume matches your personality, madam?
00:58:22Black narcissists.
00:58:26Oh, dear.
00:58:27What's your hurry?
00:58:28It's almost time for the broadcast.
00:58:30The voice of romance.
00:58:32Oh, I didn't know it was so late.
00:58:34Girls!
00:58:35You missed the broadcast.
00:58:37Oh, my God.
00:58:38Eight o'clock.
00:58:49The hour of romance.
00:58:51Brought to you by the personality moth.
00:58:54Born in the palace and fit for a king.
00:58:57If you haven't already got your personality moth, you'd better hurry.
00:59:01There are only a few left.
00:59:03We now bring to you Jimmy Kelly, the voice of romance, singing.
00:59:09There's a love song in the air.
00:59:18It's the song of my heart calling to you.
00:59:28Can't you hear my song declare, even though we're apart, my love is true.
00:59:44Every word, every word, every note tells my longing.
00:59:52Every rhyme speaks of you through and through.
01:00:00Prince Alexis of Moronia arrives tomorrow in Belgardia with his royal guard to claim Princess Tanya as his bride.
01:00:18Father, I can't go through with it.
01:00:24Father, I can't go through with it.
01:00:27I will not marry that man.
01:00:28Why not?
01:00:30You agreed to.
01:00:31I don't.
01:00:31You're engaged with this business now.
01:00:33Your Majesty, we've got to do something.
01:00:34Jimmy, you've got to help me.
01:00:37If you love me, you'll get me out of this.
01:00:39Your Majesty, Tanya and I love each other.
01:00:45When Prince Alexis arrives tomorrow, we're going to pay him off and tell him to scram.
01:00:49Why didn't you tell me all this before?
01:00:51What difference does it make?
01:00:52We were almost sold out of mops.
01:00:54Well, what's that got to do with it?
01:00:55Well, I didn't like to see the business.
01:00:56Thought so what?
01:00:58So I took all the money and bought a boatload of mops.
01:01:01You.
01:01:09His Royal Highness, Prince Alexis.
01:01:17Anthony, up.
01:01:20And hit.
01:01:22Morning.
01:01:23Up.
01:01:27Hello, Alex.
01:01:28Hello, Max.
01:01:29How are you?
01:01:30How's it been?
01:01:30Great.
01:01:31We've been selling a lot of mops.
01:01:33Oh, yes.
01:01:34I heard about that.
01:01:34But we'll talk about that later.
01:01:36I came to claim my bride.
01:01:39Well, I'm afraid it's all off, Alex.
01:01:43She doesn't want to marry you.
01:01:45You know how girls are.
01:01:47So you're worth it, dear.
01:01:50I loaned you 200,000 as soon as I could marry your daughter.
01:01:54I appreciate it.
01:01:55But you won't lose anything by it.
01:01:57I'll give you your money back.
01:02:05Oh.
01:02:06Give me the dough and I'll forget all about it.
01:02:08Well, uh, I haven't got it right now.
01:02:11But if you'll wait...
01:02:12Oh, quickness, darling.
01:02:14I hold the markets on this palace.
01:02:17And if you can't pay, I'll take it over.
01:02:19Boris, we are moving in.
01:02:22Now, if you'll only wait for a while, you'll get your money plus 10% interest.
01:02:26Who are you?
01:02:26Why, I'm the king's efficiency engineer.
01:02:29Sure.
01:02:30He's the man who put the kingdom on its feet.
01:02:32It was he who sold all the mops.
01:02:35He is an imposter.
01:02:37He's nothing but a cheap finger.
01:02:39He's nothing but a cheap finger.
01:02:40Oh, a crooner.
01:02:46This fellow, Kelly, met the princess on the boat and followed her out here.
01:02:50That's why she doesn't want to marry you.
01:02:53Oh, so that's it.
01:02:54Well, nobody can take my girl and make a fool out of me.
01:02:57Boris, take this crooner out and shoot him.
01:03:01Did you hear that?
01:03:02Well, I certainly did.
01:03:04They're going to kill our cooners.
01:03:07They're killing our cooners!
01:03:09They're killing our cooners!
01:03:10They're killing our cooners!
01:03:11Jimmy.
01:03:12Oh, my darling.
01:03:13Sweet.
01:03:18Go for a time.
01:03:19Do something.
01:03:20Go?
01:03:21What'll I do?
01:03:22Anything at once.
01:03:26Okay.
01:03:29There's a love song
01:03:31In the air
01:03:35It's the song of my heart
01:03:38Calling for you
01:03:42Can't you hear
01:03:45My song
01:03:47Declare
01:03:50Even though
01:03:52You're apart
01:03:54My love is true
01:03:57Every word, every note
01:04:10There's my song
01:04:11In the air
01:04:11It's the song of my heart
01:04:12Calling for you
01:04:13Can't you hear
01:04:14My song
01:04:16Declare
01:04:16Even though
01:04:19You're apart
01:04:19My love is true
01:04:21Every word, every note
01:04:24There's my song
01:04:25In the air
01:04:26Every night
01:04:27It's a beautiful
01:04:28There's a love song
01:04:32In the air
01:04:34It's the song of my heart
01:04:37Calling for you
01:04:39There's a love song
01:04:41In the air
01:04:43It's the song of my heart
01:04:45Calling for you
01:04:47Can't you hear
01:04:49My song
01:04:50It's the song of my heart
01:04:55My love is true
01:04:57It's the song of my heart
01:04:58It's the song of my heart
01:04:59It's the song of my heart
01:05:00It's the song of my heart
01:05:00It's the song of my heart
01:05:01It's the song of my heart
01:05:02It's the song of my heart
01:05:02It's the song of my heart
01:05:03It's the song of my heart
01:05:04It's the song of my heart
01:05:05It's the song of my heart
01:05:06It's the song of my heart
01:05:07It's the song of my heart
01:05:08It's the song of my heart
01:05:09It's the song of my heart
01:05:10It's the song of my heart
01:05:11It's the song of my heart
01:05:12It's the song of my heart
01:05:13It's the song of my heart
01:05:14It's the song of my heart
01:05:15It's the song of my heart
01:05:16It's the song of my heart
01:05:17It's the song of my heart
01:05:18THE END
01:05:48THE END
01:06:18THE END