- 7/4/2025
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00all right good good good good good what's up essence fast how are y'all doing this morning
00:09y'all got up good and early huh so y'all the people that go to the first service at church
00:15y'all the first people y'all go to the the last service which one of y'all the last the last good
00:22good well listen we are in for an amazing treat matter of fact let me go ahead and bring the
00:28panelists out here welcome to the stage mike merrill is in the building
00:33welcome to the stage i know y'all love this brother welcome to the stage my homie lance gross y'all
00:50look at y'all look at y'all i got to the flesh right there what up look at welcome to the stage
01:08my homie kev on stage is in the building y'all
01:11so listen i love when we have spaces for men to actually share and open up and let y'all know
01:31the idiosyncrasies that men go through and so um we're gonna chop it up we're gonna be we're gonna
01:36just talk real y'all gonna get a bird's eye view an inside look into the mind of men so let me ask
01:43you i'm gonna start off with you mike what do you feel is the biggest misconception about men in
01:51general when it comes to women that we have feelings too i think that um
01:59i always feel like they that that women should should understand that we have feelings too and
02:08to take it easy on us sometimes because it's a lot that we have to to do with being a man these days
02:14especially these days you know what i'm saying so that's the first thing that come to my mind so when
02:19you say take it easy what does easy look like because a lot of these women saying i think y'all got
02:24it too easy so you saying we we as easy as y'all need and they don't know the balance between being
02:29easy and coddling so what do you when you say that what do you mean specifically man it could be a whole
02:36list of things when it come to that uh but um when i say to us i'll speak as far as me right when i say
02:44take it easy on me it's like you know we have to be a provider these days we have to uh
02:50like even like you know when you're single you have to go and approach the woman sometimes
02:55i'll be be honest niggas be scared to actually go and approach women you know what i'm saying i've
03:01been i've been a uh a victim you know you said a victim huh i've been a victim you know because you
03:07don't you don't know what what they might say you know and then sometimes we we get tired we be
03:13scared of rejection stuff like that other than that um you know we got to pay for the bills and
03:19dinners and stuff like that and you know when kids come along we got to pay for the we gotta
03:24we gotta take care of the woman and the kids you see what i'm saying so i mean it's a long list of
03:30things but good love it what about you lance i think a common misconception with men uh is that we
03:36don't want relationships i i've always been a relationship guy and luckily i found my my partner
03:44for life you know what i mean but uh there are men out there that you know what i'm saying they
03:49thrive in relationships with a with a black woman on their side or you know what i'm saying like
03:55we love it so you've always been a relationship person absolutely you talking about as far back
04:02as high school you were the you're the dude at the school that i was always booed up with somebody
04:06absolutely i need that focus you said focus yeah i focus better when i'm in a relationship
04:12really that's facts i work harder you know what i'm saying i got that that push behind me that drive
04:18you know what i'm saying it's not just for me i love it women how many y'all surprised by that that
04:24you said that surprised to know that men truly desire relationship is that a surprise to y'all some men
04:30oh some men okay you want to be more specific grown men hey clapping kev what is the biggest
04:39misconception about men when it comes to we don't keep it about relationships and women
04:44um i would say i mean mike and lance took the good answers uh i love that mike said he was scared i think
04:53it's very hard to admit that you sometimes be scared i remember my son was like there's a black widow
04:59in the garage can you kill it i'm like nigga a black widow i feel you and now i don't even know
05:06where it is you saw it you could have killed it um i think my misconception is that at least for me
05:12i don't know about all men but i'm on lance's page i think a lot of women think men want more than one
05:18woman to balance uh i think a lot of men at least me and lance two out of three you know i don't know
05:25how you feel mike uh but one woman is enough for a lot of people like for me one woman is enough
05:34more than enough i have zero desire to entertain another woman i completely agree with lance i mean
05:39obviously i've been with melissa for 25 years 20 years married uh 21 years married now uh i completely
05:46have more focus because after i'm done with work i only concern myself with her i don't then concern
05:52myself with somebody else so i don't waste creative energy on you know chasing another relationship
05:58so i think it's allowed me to be focused on my wife my kids dog career versus wife kids woman one
06:07woman two keep the lie up with the wife keep the brother y'all can have that i have no desire i'm also
06:13tired i want to go to bed after i talk to melissa after the show i'm i'm sleep
06:18yo he was talking about being tired backstage so he ain't lying she want to go to the concert
06:24tonight i'm like oh it's like four hours i told my brother you gotta start thinking like he 25 i've
06:31been 25 already i did do it again we got we got one life bro we got one life take advantage
06:38let me ask you this when we talk about creating safe spaces for men i'm gonna start on do you believe
06:48that your woman or women that you dated in the past have created safe spaces for you lance
06:55oh absolutely i mean that if they don't you might be with the wrong partner you know what i mean um
07:02my home feels like home you know what i'm saying and that's because my wife does the work to make
07:08it feel that way you know what i'm saying so yeah they create safe spaces for us well we we use this term
07:14but what does creating a safe space truly look like supporting all that we do you know what i mean
07:20just like i support her she supports me you know she might be my shoulder to cry on however that looks
07:25for you for me is somebody to vent to somebody to experience life with you know like my success is
07:34her success her success is my success you know what i mean um it's just that home feeling yeah
07:41that's good mike what about you with women you've dated in the past do you feel like they've created
07:48a safe space for you and what does that look like so let's let's just get this straight uh kev
07:54i am in a relationship oh are you y'all ain't living me out out of this one ain't nobody ain't nobody
08:01told me nothing mike ain't nobody told me nothing boy took his glasses off let me tell you what it is
08:06youngster i got a woman but um jack i'm gonna absolutely say no i want to say they tried okay i'm
08:15from detroit so it's hard for us hello they want third in the building but um they tried man and i
08:25say like you know we're from detroit men men and women in detroit are very sensitive and we sensitive
08:32to the streets we're sensitive to each other and that's mental health is is a big thing in detroit so
08:40you know you see what i'm saying and we don't know how to get past our trauma i've gotten past my
08:44trauma i'm at peace with my trauma and the thing is like i'm in a relationship today because this is
08:50the first woman that actually really created a safe space for me for real i've never experienced this
08:57before good what did that look like give it up that's beautiful you said you've never experienced
09:03that before um and let me tell y'all something just behind the scenes i was trying to circumvent him
09:10actually confessing that he's in a relationship he told me that backstage and i always like to
09:14keep people's private business private so let me ask you what made you decide to even say that
09:18because you've been keeping it private for so long i'm a very vulnerable man and uh
09:26then kev is like over here like yeah i don't know about you mike listen man
09:31i didn't know
09:34but no i mean i just like to keep my my private life private because in the past i know it's based
09:41off past experiences but people have love to want to break me and whoever i'm with up yeah for no
09:48reason or don't want to see me happy yeah or you know i'm saying get 8 000 followers lost for no reason
09:56you see what i'm saying so it's like i just want to keep my private life private and this is something
10:00that's real special to me and i i i want to protect it because i love this woman you see what i'm saying
10:07and i love what we have and i want to give it up i like when men can confess their love
10:12to a woman uh let me ask you this when you said that you've never felt like this before you've never
10:18been with a woman that has created a safe space for you before what did she do for you that other
10:23women failed to do number one my number one thing is emotional intelligence and she have she's a highly
10:32emotional intelligent woman she work on herself the inner work is always being worked on um she
10:39reassured me this is the first time i've been reassured wow i'm talking about this is a a constant
10:45consistent thing you see what i'm saying i've never experienced that also when things go bad sometimes
10:52she's the first one to be like babe listen i understand we just get into it or we had our
10:57differences or whatever but that don't mean that i'm leaving you that don't mean i'm going anywhere
11:01no one has ever said those words to me and i don't think that it's over i'm like oh you know
11:06i'm back in the streets you know what i'm saying i'm like it's over now you know i'm about to go ahead
11:11and do me but yeah man so um yeah reassurance like like he said it feel like home you know i feel
11:21protected not not a lot of men will say that i feel protected us feeling protected yes it's a lot like
11:27we could just lay our head and just don't have to worry about nothing man that's the best feeling
11:33in the world you know what i'm talking about get that head rub and me and kev ball headed so we know
11:38what that feels like to get a rub yeah we we like that and so yeah before i go to kev i want to ask you
11:45what did you do to help her create that space for you
11:49so as an actor i have a i ain't gonna lie it's a cheat code as an actor you are
11:59i use it in real in my personal life so you have to find out what the character description is of a
12:05person right so you have to do a character breakdown of the person right right the obstacles what's the
12:12same object it was the overall objective stuff like that and i'm seeing what she's missing and i'm
12:16learning her childhood we talk we go deep into our talks right and then i just make sure that i
12:26fill in the space of what she's been missing all this time you see what i'm saying even like with
12:31her past trauma i want to be able to make sure she's feel protected and know that this is love
12:37and i never give up on her you know so yeah that's good that's good thank you for your vulnerability mike
12:44so listen kev so you've been married for 20 plus years right um what's so interesting about your
12:53journey is that y'all got together very very young and so y'all went through ages and stages with each
12:58other when we hear these words these buzzwords like creating safety and safe spaces for one another
13:05that's something that you probably learned about later in your marriage what did that look like
13:10while y'all were trying to navigate that without knowing the framework how did that how did that
13:16show up in your marriage trying to create safety yeah i think uh to mike's point about my my wife is
13:22very emotionally emotionally intelligent more emotionally intelligent than me i think women
13:26are socialized to be okay with their emotions men we are socialized to be provider protector that
13:32doesn't necessarily coincide with your feelings and then we're also like socialized to compress our
13:38feelings don't cry you ain't you you know you know little boy even though we were little boys like
13:42i fell off my bike don't cry why why my knee is bleeding it hurts what that is a natural reaction
13:49so you learn from an early age you don't realize it's going to harm your relationship but you learn to
13:53compress your feelings and not to share them or not to show your emotions and then you get into a long-term
13:58marriage or relationship and your wife she was she fell off her bike she could cry she could you know do
14:03whatever so for me it felt like and it wasn't a straight line now i know melissa's asking me to
14:10be vulnerable share my fears as well as my dreams my excitement the shows that i'm watching years ago it
14:18was like we'll never talk and i'm like we we talk we talking now and not nigga but that was
14:26nigga was internal but we talking right so i i was trying to meet her like she was like well we
14:34don't really have deep conversations so first that was like me coming home from work and being like i'm
14:38gonna plug my phone up we're gonna talk and then when we were doing that for a while we realized okay
14:43we're talking but it's not nothing's really changing so later on the line she she got the words
14:50you're not vulnerable with me right and i didn't feel like i wasn't being vulnerable and what clicked
14:56in my mind that really helped us is i wasn't being vulnerable with myself so i told her it it took a
15:04long time to realize i cannot share with you my fears if i don't acknowledge my fears so it's not
15:10that i'm hiding anything from you it's like i'm not dealing with that emotion at all therefore i can't
15:16share with you and to share with her means i've got to understand it myself so once i realized that
15:23then i was like okay this is what i'm afraid of and i also kind of felt like saying it aloud made
15:28it real so i'm like i'm just not gonna say it that way it won't be real that doesn't that's not true
15:33uh but growing up in the church like speak those things and then even though you don't speak them
15:36they still happen um so i think it's been the journey of figuring out and i think the key is just being
15:44open each step of the way even though i didn't have and even now today we can get into it we can
15:50get into it and i won't have the words right away she's always able to express right away in the moment
15:57what she's feeling what she thinks i'm feeling and that's a little bit intimidating because i just be
16:01like you know i'm saying but you know i'm saying like i can't get it right i ain't even thought about
16:07it so what i've been doing is like i'll let the moment pass take a shower we'll go to bed
16:14and when i have the words i'll be like so when i was mad here's what i was feeling it'd be rugged
16:21and clunky but i will share it you know we'd be in the shower together so that i can cry and you can't
16:27tell the difference between the shower water and the tears i just be like i got so in my my eyes already
16:32red you know i'm saying but that openness it's very hard and i can say the most important thing is
16:39she's never made me feel stupid or embarrassed or weak for it and the more she doesn't do that the
16:45easier it is i think if she even once had made me feel stupid scared or weak it would have set
16:51us back years because that's what i'm waiting for to be embarrassed like see this one this won't do
16:55nothing she never did that and that's allowed me to be able to uh converse with her at each step of the
17:01way and y'all navigated that as young kids yeah to adults and you said she never once made you feel
17:09weak even when i got fired and i already felt like i'm not doing my job at that point all i thought i
17:15was was a provider and i got fired and i became a stay-at-home dad i'm you know i was always changing
17:20diapers no nelly i was always changing diapers so we have no money for no nanny so that wasn't an
17:27option um but now i gotta cook breakfast i'm making her lunch so i feel like i'm wearing an apron and i'm
17:34not wearing an apron and i remember one time she kissed me on the forehead after i made her lunch i was
17:38like i gotta get a job i i literally cannot ever have that happen again you gotta stop i had her her lunch
17:45i felt like george jetson's wife so i was like nah bro you know what i'm saying so but she never once
17:52was like me you ain't got no job you ain't this you know so and i think as men i i know i'm maybe as
17:58men as me i would have held on to that for years if she made me feel like that once in 2005 i would
18:04have held on to it for years so i'm grateful that it'd be 2025 you still be right i would have been
18:08i remember that time when i had no job you made me feel that's why i'm still hurt today so
18:12thankfully she's never done that did it make you feel like you had to over perform once you got
18:18your stuff together financially where you just making it rain on her just providing a lot of
18:23gifts for it that you feel like that or i don't even know that's a good question i don't ever feel
18:28like i am doing something for her i feel like we are on the same team and we have risen together i did
18:36notice her purse collection started to grow as things started to go better yeah i came in
18:43her office i was like that's a lot of g's that's a lot of ggs in here but she ain't never it's never
18:48been my money her money like we have risen together so you know i'm saying she spends according to our
18:54household uh and you know i'm saying she's earned it as well so you know do your thing according to your
19:00household lance how did you know that the one was the one how did i know the one was the one um
19:09i don't even know how i can explain it it was just that feeling it was a feeling that i
19:16i never had in the way i had with my wife you know what i'm saying i i you know i've been through
19:22failed relationships but uh she's always been my friend first um i never could imagine my life
19:31without her i don't want life without her um so it's i guess i had a a couple of questions that i
19:39asked myself you know what i mean uh could i or would i or did i want to be without her i didn't um
19:49um i don't know it just i'm not even gonna tell y'all the other questions but uh it it just felt
19:55right for me hold on you know i'm nosy so what's the so what what was the other questions what was
20:01one other i just told you i wasn't gonna give you i know it i know it that's the good part so so you
20:06felt like do i want to live life without her and the answer was no no no and that sealed it for you
20:14you were to this day how long were y'all did y'all start off as friends first y'all start out dating
20:18because you mentioned start off dating i didn't so i was in a phase where i didn't feel like
20:22marriage was for me i had been through a failed engagement i didn't want marriage no more i wanted
20:27to draft up a contract where i could have a baby and do my thing but uh she changed all that when
20:33she came into my life like she made me dream of marriage again you know like it started with my
20:40with my parents my parents were together for 46 years before my father passed 46 years yeah so that was
20:48the backbone i had you know family was very important um and then i had the failed relationship
20:54and that vanished for me but when she came into my life all that so how far was it the failed
21:01relationship and her coming to your life uh oh she came in a few like six months after that so in six
21:10months you went from having this mentality of i don't even want marriage anymore and you started off as
21:16a type of guy that was very relationship oriented you said from high school you were like i'm really
21:23good in a relationship yeah but that hurt in that past failed engagement made you say i don't ever want
21:29to get married again yeah so i would say it took maybe two years because we dated uh well we became
21:35friends and we dated for about two years and then everything started coming back to me um so yeah
21:43so she was patient enough with you to go through that transition what did you tell her did you tell
21:48her was you forthcoming and saying i'm letting you know i know we dating each other but i'm not
21:52interested in marriage oh i was very transparent she knew that and i mean i put her through the ringer too
21:59because i was dating but um it didn't it didn't feel right you know what i'm saying like like i said
22:04like i like the relationship i i never felt right in that dating space so you know she was there when
22:11i needed her asked myself those questions passed every single one of them to this day do you realize
22:18how much you smile when you talk about her hey you see me just be grinning don't you he's just smiling
22:24so big i love that because it's memories when you're saying that i see the inner monologue that you're
22:29having when you're thinking about her and you're thinking about those moments where she showed up the
22:33patience the ugly stuff like you were saying that i put her through the ringer yeah you're being
22:38transparent enough to say typically someone would have probably given up on you at that moment oh
22:43absolutely and you said but she stayed there and that's what keeps a big smile on your face absolutely
22:47i mean that's my friend that's my my wife my partner for life uh she's everything you know what i'm
22:55saying so yeah mike as you are um you're still governmentally single um and so and so as a single
23:08man how will you know the one is the one well it's a feeling it's a feeling you get and it's right here
23:22it start right here man before it gets to the heart it start right here
23:26all the butterflies jittery feelings and all of that start right here because like me i didn't i
23:31didn't know i didn't i wasn't looking for a relationship when i um before me and her got
23:36into a relationship i thought that this we about to play around for a little bit that's i thought
23:43you know and then um our first date we went on a hike to ryan canyon
23:48and i fell in love with her story their story then i started to get to know her more and i'm like
23:56hold on because i wasn't looking at her at all of being in a relationship at first and um as i got
24:02to know her more i started to started to fall man and it had been three to four years before i even was
24:10in a relationship again but i never gave up on love or anything like that but me i i it's a feeling
24:17it's a feeling because even with each woman i still feel something like you know even in the
24:22moment like in that in that moment with different women i still feel something and i know it's not
24:28it ain't the same like what i feel now but this one i knew she was the one because of how
24:37different the different things that she do that other women didn't do and like i was telling you the
24:42reassurance uh the emotionally intelligent because i would teach women things and she came and she
24:48was teaching me things this is the first time that a woman is teaching me something uh being patient with
24:53me uh me being patient with the woman you know i would i would i would just leave and she didn't let me
25:02leave you said you would leave what after an argument or something but what would make you want to
25:07because after so so i'm a cancer right eight eight and we feel man we feel so if i feel like i'm i'm
25:18being transparent with you about what i'm feeling in this relationship and it seemed like it's falling
25:24on deaf ears i'm out i'm not about to take this i'm not about to you know feel like that i'm in this
25:32relationship alone and this is the first time that i felt like i've not been alone because she
25:39she hold my hand through everything and you let me know that everything is okay so that is how i know
25:45this is the one man she about to chime in no i was about to ask him when your birthday june 22nd okay i'm
25:52july 8th my birthday my chances no i love cancers my wife's a cancer my son i'm the eighth my son is
26:03the 10th my wife is the 16th and i got twin sisters 8 to 12. so i i i oh wow my wife is the 11th july 11.
26:12they got birthdays coming up yeah that's beautiful that's the nation
26:17and so do you ever feel like and and lance and um mike did you ever feel like you couldn't be
26:24public about your relationship due to your career as actors absolutely um
26:31you know from from uh going from a public relationship in my past to dating her immediately
26:39after um yeah i was in protector mode i felt like you know i don't know there it's just too many
26:47outside influences and i just wanted her to myself i wanted to protect her so i protected her for a
26:53while but now it's like look we we done did the leg where we don't we done rooted ourselves and now
26:59we're in a place where i could share what i want to share you know and uh i mean i claim mine same and
27:07and it's it's not even you know if i didn't post her or whatever like it's it's not that i'm not
27:13claiming her but i look i celebrate love you know what i mean i celebrate love i celebrate family so
27:20that's what i want to show the world like if i'm happy you know we fight we make up i love fighting
27:29because when we make up it makes us stronger you know what i'm saying um and explain that explain that
27:36you said i love the fight not that you're hopefully just starting fights but you realize
27:41that it makes your relationship stronger absolutely why do you say that because some people may look
27:45at that and call that struggle love so tell me why is that not the case no that's how you grow
27:52you know what i mean uh and and i won't even call it fighting i'll call it healthy debates
27:58because that's that's what it is in my household like we always respect each other even when we
28:02you know in the head we like i hate you i hate you we don't we don't but it's like um that's the
28:09only way you grow you know what i mean like i look at the fights that we have whether it's it's big or
28:14small and what we come through to get to where we are i mean that's we got something nobody gonna break
28:22so what about you mike i'm in the early stage of what you uh been through i'm building a home right now
28:29so you know i want to make sure all the bricks is laid down before i and let the world see you
28:35know what i'm saying before the devil start deviling yeah sometimes you could do that prematurely you
28:40know what i'm saying so yeah you're doing it right brother yeah yeah so i want to build my home first
28:45man um she but i can tell you she's a very very beautiful woman inside out you know she's very soulful
28:53and she doesn't know she she feel like home man she's she she she fit into my world and i fit it to
29:01her so do you feel like we talk about losing followers once they find out you're in a relationship
29:07is that a concern of yours i'm sorry say it again about losing followers um when you talk about like
29:13a lot of times women once they find out that you're not on the market for instance if this relationship
29:18transitions into uh engagement or marriage where a lot of the women followers may say oh well he's
29:25taken and they give up hoping and stop following you do you feel like that could happen and is that
29:31a fear of yours at all well it was a fear and yes that happened that's why i said 8 000 because it was
29:38the 8 000 you know um i don't fear it as much no more uh and i guess like in the moment you don't you
29:46don't you know you're so in love and you don't really care but then when you're not in the
29:49relationship like damn i lost like 8 000 followers you know what i mean like i gotta i gotta think
29:56about it the next time i do this you know so then again like ladies let let let let let us be real
30:02real quick because we're in relationship that don't mean that we don't love y'all that don't mean we
30:07don't want love from y'all like y'all y'all can still love us like we still here you know we'll still
30:12hug you give you some love and everything but you ain't gotta you know we're building like a real
30:16we they're not feeling it mike they're like yeah man i know you say they're like i see a whole bunch
30:21of you no no you good have fun with your little relationship your little home you good a little
30:27relationship good luck on your little movie your little show right we saw you in little old straw
30:36women will little yourself to death you little old hey man i prayed to be in a relationship
30:41when when i when i reached the peak of my career man because i will say a slight fear is
30:49when i don't know what a woman is coming after me for and even though i have great awareness and i
30:56thank god for that sometimes you just really don't know absolutely you see what i'm saying so i feel like
31:03being in a relationship being married you're protected you know you're not able to be sharp focus
31:09you know with your career and everything like that kev on stage you've been on my podcast a couple of
31:14times and one of the quotes that you said that lives rent free in my head is you fight for the future
31:22in the present the reason why that's so powerful is sometimes we get short-sighted and we can't see
31:27where god has taken us with our personal whether it's our love lives whether it's our kids whether it's
31:33career or whatever that may be but the reason why that was so profound and i quoted you in my my book
31:39that's coming out um yeah man thank you melissa so it's so powerful because i love how i sit and i
31:46learn from wisdom on my podcast and i believe you're extremely wise individual i want you to break that down
31:53on why do you feel like that's so important to fight for the future in the present yeah i think you
32:00are building the life that you will have regardless like the choices you are making today are the
32:08choices that will be reflected later on right so share with you a very personal moment uh i didn't grow
32:14with my biological father right so his family came to one of my shows uh on this tour like six seven
32:21aunties and stuff that i don't know and they were very sad they were like man we don't know you we feel
32:25bad blah blah blah and when i was leaving i was like that his choice to not be a part of my life
32:32cost them the opportunity to know me and him as well so when you're 19 i understand you might not
32:39realize you're making that choice but when you're 50 60 years old you're gonna have to reap the
32:44consequences of that choice or those choices and so my desire more than career well-famed private jet
32:52magic johnson's yacht from that instagram video that was crazy did you see that magic johnson was
32:58on a yacht and the drone pulled back and it was it took like 10 minutes to see the whole yacht yeah
33:02i would love that but the thing i'd love more than any of that stuff is to be with my wife 20 30 years
33:09from now and have my kids still want to come home for thanksgiving and christmas so i make choices now
33:16so that that will happen right because we're all in hollywood a friend of mine before i moved here said like
33:21la hollywood this industry will give you whatever you want if you want power drugs women notoriety
33:26whatever you want so you need to decide before you enter what you want so what i want more than
33:32anything is to be playing uno or spades or eating pumpkin pie sugar and my grits 30 years from now
33:40boo boo boo boo you boo you boo you sweet potato blocks but so that means today i need to you know
33:51it's little things like walking at my wife's pace through the convention center because i tend to want
33:56to be here knowing you know i'm saying like little decisions like that can build up so you need to build
34:03that life each decision day by day spending time with your kids it's like my wife will go to the
34:09movies with our kids where she'll make dinner we'll watch tv together so that when they get their
34:13family i want them to be excited to come back and visit us not be excited to get out of our home and
34:18not answer our calls like once you're an adult your kids will reflect the choices you made you no longer
34:24have an opportunity to do that you your choices are made if they don't want to come home you can't go
34:29back and redo their childhood so we are making those choices now and hopefully in the future we
34:34will you know reap the benefits of those choices as opposed to the consequences that's good that is
34:39absolutely good powerful give it up y'all give it up give it up for pumpkin pie y'all sugar and grits
34:48that's wow sugar and grits oh you don't like it that's how many i like sugars in your grits yeah
34:54all right i got seven people but my wife likes it that's all that matter forget the rest of you
35:02how many of y'all like salt and pepper in your grits absolutely there it is of course
35:09mike let me ask you this real quick a message to men no matter what it is whether it's relationships
35:15whether it's financial whether it's emotional intelligence what whatever that is what would you
35:20say to encourage men right now be more vulnerable be more vulnerable and um
35:37it's okay to smile because i've been saying and i don't know about y'all and y'all like but i've been
35:41seeing a lot of men that just don't smile and you know like even when like when we greet each other
35:45this why so serious you know what i'm saying like man just smile man everything all right you know
35:53and be vulnerable that's the the two things that i say good lance what okay no you're about to say
35:59something oh no no go ahead no what would you say to men what would you say to encourage men
36:05to encourage men um work on thyself take take time to be still you know what i mean whether
36:14that's taking a solo trip to the mountains or or whatever you got to do like pour into yourself
36:22have you taken solo trips before in your single life oh absolutely i did a uh a darkness retreat
36:29yeah what is that so basically it's in the mountains in oregon um there's a cabin like there's
36:38cabins built into the mountain well carved into the mountains so it's uh you go in for three days or
36:45you could do 10 days however long you want to do but there is no light there are there is no electronics
36:50you can't even bring your watch if it has a little glow wow the glow so uh yeah it's just a time to to
36:57meditate be with yourself and uh you know some people have some people have spiritual breakthroughs
37:04uh some people get visited by their ancestors or whatever you know what i mean whatever that
37:09journey is for you but uh i did that maybe two years ago i think i'm gonna do it again next year
37:14this was a group of y'all though it's a no this is this is by yourself so you're sitting in a cave
37:20by yourself for three days a cabin a cabin okay but it's totally dark it's totally dark there's no
37:26light they have like how you need so they have a they they ask you your dietary restrictions but
37:31there's like a cubby where they'll they'll deliver food to you um every night at like seven o'clock
37:36that's your only concept of time so sometimes they turn the lights on no you eat in the dark yeah oh my
37:42god so no but it's the best it's the best it's i think it's called sky cave retreats or whatever if
37:48anybody wants to do it but uh i mean you get the best sleep of your life especially if you got kids
37:55you know what i mean like you you go that first night you probably you you might sleep for i don't
38:00even know how long i will sleep but uh the best sleep of your night for the first night and then
38:05you lose track of time and your only track of time is when they come deliver food to you and
38:10and there's people that uh uh like if you want to like have them uh kind of spiritually guide you or
38:17whatever you need they can talk to you through the wall but there's no no light no light at all and the
38:24door is open it's not locked so if you panic you want to get out of there you can but yeah i mean
38:29it's it's a beautiful experience man how many days did you do i did three days three days and when
38:34you walked away from that how did you feel amazing i mean you know you got to be real comfortable to
38:40be with yourself for three days without light you know what i'm saying but uh when i came out i mean
38:46it's it's so beautiful you know what i mean like everything is vivid you know what i mean um i can't even
38:52i can't even break down the experience i mean it's it's it's amazing bro i i anybody that that is
39:00open to it i would i would definitely advise you to do it thank you i love that that's the first time
39:06i ever heard that so i love learning stuff about that that's that's pretty dope kev on stage what
39:11would you say to encourage men in whatever area i know you have this dope book that's coming out make
39:17sure y'all support him and get this book that that drops when in september september 23rd september
39:2323rd um i would say there's a go pre-order go pre-order right now right now pre-order um
39:31there is strength in softness is the thing that i've been telling one of my employees it's from an anime
39:37i was watching in the it was a swordsman uh he made swords and the guy was trying to make the best
39:43sword and he put no weak points no soft points in it and when he struck when he swung it it would
39:48always break so the master swords maker was like you have to have soft points in this and the soft
39:54points is what makes it really strong so a lot of times as men we think our only approach is strength
40:00and if your hammer thank you baby thank you um if you're only a hammer you'll see every problem as a
40:07nail and you'll just you know that's your only attack but you understand okay you that's two now
40:13the third one now i'm gonna take you back to that room uh i'm gonna show you strength dance office
40:18uh you feel bad but no you you you cannot be only strength one it's it's it's it's too heavy a weight
40:28to bear and you need to be you need to be soft with your your partner your children and you need
40:32to be soft with yourself you know we're in this industry there's an unhealthy amount of negativity
40:37related to our business an unhealthy amount of negative uh auditions or deals or scripts like
40:44and you can beat yourself up right so i would say be soft with yourself be soft with your partner be
40:50soft with your children and one more thing there's a darkness retreat you can take in the mountains
40:57you can't see nothing they can bring you peanut butter and jelly you don't know whether your grits
41:00have sugar or salt until you bite it how do you go to the bathroom oh so there it okay so you you
41:07get there the first day you you get oh you like orient yourself yeah okay i'm genuinely i honestly
41:13that i think for like a social media content creator who's like so much of my life is my phone
41:18you should i think it would be really healthy i'll send you the information yeah i think that i'm real
41:23i'm really really interested melissa would you let them go on a retreat like that yeah
41:27yeah so so you guys can do it together you just will be in separate cabins okay we'll have no
41:32contact but i know she's there she's there you can't talk let's do it y'all sure can i can i
41:40can i suggest one more thing yeah yeah yeah uh so this is suggestions for guys right or or anybody
41:45anybody anybody anybody i would suggest doing 75 hard if if you don't know what 75 hard is it's
41:52it's two workouts a day one indoor one outdoor you might phone calls yeah put your microphone close
41:56to your mouth oh my bad uh two workouts a day one indoor one outdoor the the outdoor could be your
42:02morning walk or something like that uh you read 10 pages a day non-fiction uh a gallon of water a day
42:10uh why am i blanking on everything that you do uh uh uh clean diet clean diet clean diet take a picture
42:16uh no cheap meals but it just gives you that discipline and structure and you know i mean as black
42:22people we need to cleanse our system and i think that's a perfect cleanse mentally spiritually you
42:27know i i i can't i can't say enough good things about it i'm about to do it again good good good
42:3475 days 75 days well listen uh did y'all enjoy this essence fast that y'all enjoyed this thank you so
42:41much to essence fast for bringing the dear future wifey podcast do we have any married couples how many
42:45married couples do we have an audience right there um you right there right there i want to give
42:51y'all some tickets to the concert tonight are y'all going to a concert y'all want to go here i only
42:56have to get married now yeah she said she said she's married now come here brother yo to the noobs
43:03let them come up here here you go god bless you i like planting c's and married couples god bless you
43:10it's your birthday oh well happy birthday happy birthday man answer me just like us all three of us
43:16listen thank y'all so much y'all give it up for this dynamic panel y'all thank y'all so much shout
43:21shout out to essence fast thank y'all so much
43:31you
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