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Diary of a Junior Doctor Season 1 Episode 5
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Short filmTranscript
00:00I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm completely throwing myself in the deep end.
00:14There's no better place to work than in the trenches at Middlemoor Hospital.
00:19What have we got coming in? It's a beautiful place to be but also like quite a terrifying
00:24place to be. There's life and death every day. It's too soon to be answering that question, okay?
00:31You're getting a contraction? Go for it. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:35Five, four. Stop, stop, stop, stop.
00:38It feels a bit daunting. It feels quite scary actually.
00:42Are we happy on dosage?
00:44Um. Time is of the essence and it matters so you have to come up with something now.
00:50You have to think on your feet. Just breathe, just breathe, just breathe.
00:55That's really scary to me and so it should be because it's massive remains of responsibility.
01:01There's no room for any mistakes.
01:06I need the CPR to be faster please. Stand up, stand up.
01:10You are having a stroke right now. We needed to resuscitate you.
01:13Oh my god. You do become obsessed with getting it right all the time.
01:17That's what I feel like burnout feels like.
01:33What enables you to keep doing such an unusual job is not always the passion of medicine,
01:38it's actually the people behind you.
01:45I can be a man I say.
01:47I can be a man I say.
01:49I can be a man I say.
01:51I can be a man I say.
01:56I can be a man I say.
01:58I can be a man I say.
02:01What's the time you're finishing today?
02:03Just normal, what, 3.30?
02:06We're rostered on full 3.30.
02:09Wow.
02:09Is there another occupation that works long days and weekends like it's normal?
02:17I feel like that's just like as it got more brutal in terms of like the amount of work you have to
02:23do it just gets normal. Like oh yeah I work the weekend. I work a long day.
02:33You're no longer a student now. You're actually that doctor. You should come to theater.
02:37And you can see we get into the neurovascular bundle.
02:41I'm excited about surgery. You have a problem and you're able to fix it.
02:47Being a surgeon is so attractive but um it'll be quite a difficult lifestyle for us I think.
03:01Things are a bit difficult with Alex at the moment.
03:04I haven't really spent that much time together.
03:10I've been getting a bit annoyed.
03:13It's hard to match up to like a healthcare professional's schedule.
03:17Sometimes you're there until 10.30pm and you're working weekends sometimes and like you're there
03:23late and you have to wake up early.
03:25It's really clean.
03:29Jasmine?
03:30Hey I'm Shadi. I'm one of the general surgery doctors.
03:33Have you even talked about what's going on or?
03:35No that's exploded and they have to clean the whole thing.
03:38Okay yeah. Yeah so you're just a little appendix at the bottom is just
03:41ruptured unfortunately. So we just need to take you for an operation.
03:45That the other patient? Yeah. How are you feeling?
03:54Are you okay? Yeah I'm okay. It's just a bit a lot.
03:58That's scary yeah. Yeah.
04:01I do bodybuilding. Hopefully I can get back to it.
04:06Without much scar to chew or whatever. Yeah.
04:10And I came and saw you right? Yeah. Yeah.
04:14She's really she's like such a boss. She'll you'll be well looked after.
04:18Yeah. Okay thank you so much. You're welcome.
04:25She's probably going to be next on the list and you can come to theater and hold the camera
04:28and help in theater if you want. Oh really? Yeah.
04:35Shadi put one of these on. My dream scenario.
04:39We're cool to be like something surgical related.
04:43Do you get tomorrow off as well? No I'm working.
04:45Oh you're working tomorrow. Do you have tomorrow off? No I don't.
04:50Um take your time I'll see you in there for a minute. Yeah.
04:57Shadi see this. See how it's got an angle. Yeah.
05:01And so when we turn it left or right we sort of look sideways as well so.
05:05But that's why it's a hard drive for the camera initially when you're learning that.
05:11Can you hold that there? A bit more um head down if she'll take it please.
05:15Let's see Benick's just starting there. Yeah.
05:18Sort of like opening the door here.
05:20Okay. Can you hold the grasp like that Shadi?
05:25I'm holding it a bit. Okay and hold it like that.
05:27You want to hold it like that.
05:30We're going to squeeze the handles together.
05:31Can you pull it up? Like that. Yep. Oh yeah that's lovely.
05:39Keep pulling. Pull it up. Yep don't move. Don't move.
05:42Yep. Yeah nice. Perfect.
05:45Shadi can you have a look in there. See if you can locate what we've been looking at there.
05:51Yep good. Come back a bit with your camera. Out a bit with the camera.
05:59That's good. Just sit where you are there. That's good.
06:02You're doing good. We'll just see if we can.
06:04Ah perfect.
06:06I want to just see if we can peel that stuff off that looks like the remainder of the appendix.
06:15That's sort of blown into smithereens. Yeah.
06:18So.
06:27It's looking better though. It is looking better. Yeah. Much better. Awesome. Okay.
06:32Do you know how to stitch? Um. I. Yeah. Really? Confident.
06:43So watch. Yeah. And then you can do the two there. Right.
06:46So you pick this up and then you want to go in that junction as well.
06:52Direct the opposite where you came out. Yeah. So give it a go.
06:55Yeah that's good. And opposite where you came out. Good. And then lift them both up and you'll cut.
07:07There we go. That looks nice.
07:12Being in the theatre was very fun. And lift this up a bit more like you mean it. That's it.
07:17It was cool seeing how they're kind of bouncing off ideas. Yep. So one more. You want it to be
07:23at the tip of your needle holder and slightly forwards facing like that here. Okay.
07:27You're doing very well. Lifting up in the air. Yeah. That's it.
07:31They're definitely boss women. They know a lot. They're very experienced.
07:37Beautiful. That's good. Well done.
07:40It makes you think like oh it is possible because obviously lots of women doctors have made it to
07:45consultancy. So it's like quite cool to have those role models.
07:50Thank you for your help. No worries. Thank you for having me.
07:52Good to have seen that after seeing her. Yeah it was nice to see her from the beginning.
07:57Thanks. No problem. Thank you.
08:08Hi Michaela. This is Keriana here. Med Reg. Just calling about a patient.
08:13It's been only a few weeks since the exam results. I have the most important exam of my career. The amount
08:22of content that you have to understand means that you have to study for a year. So I just found a little
08:28less public place to open my results. What will be will be. Oh frick dammit. Damn. Nah. It feels like grief.
08:40I love my job. I really enjoy coming to work every day. Hello hello. For my whole career I've loved my job.
08:52But after that exam it was the first time I was like I don't want to be here.
08:55And that's what I feel like what burnout feels like. It's so hard like nobody should ever be in that
09:02position when you're in this job because you're not passionate and therefore you're less likely to
09:08be compassionate. And compassion is a huge part of what we do. It's going to be really hard to have
09:14that ability to manage and care for others because you're not okay yourself. So I really realized that
09:23okay I really need a holiday. So we're having a family trip to the South Island for my dad's sixth year.
09:31This is a kind of once in a lifetime and I also helped organize most of it.
09:35But getting leave can be difficult because of short staffing.
09:40It's hard to leave your teams without cover. Yeah for sure. Okay thanks bye.
09:48Hello. How are you doing? Yeah good how are you? I'm good. Um your dad's birthday. Yeah. Still leave.
09:54When do you need to be down there? I'm flying out on the 19th come back on the 26th. What day's the 19th?
10:00That's the Tuesday I think. Let me have a look. Okay because what I'm thinking is if we can get a
10:07direct swap for whoever's doing the e-calls for the Thursday to the Sunday week before you.
10:12Okay. Do you get what I mean? Yeah okay. Yeah cool. Thank you. Perfect. 13. See ya. Thank you.
10:25It's going to be funny because it's like all of us in a 18-seater van. I can't wait. It's going to be so nice.
10:32I've got to go. Yeah it's just one of those situations where I can't be at work. I'm sorry.
10:41I'll rise again like a tide washing over me. I'll take you up and we'll fly above the tribe of the tribe of the tribe of the tribe of the tribe of the tribe.
11:02See you later. Bye. Have a good day.
11:15I'm a married man now. Bye. Bye.
11:18You kind of feel complete like after wearing the ring. I don't know just something about it feels like oh I'm
11:32actually like a married man now. The hardest thing about the emergency department is there's that
11:40uncertainty to it. You just don't know who's going to walk the law. It's quite hectic. I stress
11:45non-stop churning through patients. I don't think it's something that I would want to continue in the
11:51long term. Flying out on Saturday to Sydney getting ready for my wedding next week feels pretty surreal at
11:58the moment but I'm sure it'll kick in when I touch down on Sydney. Oh man yesterday the Sunday blues was
12:06so bad. I just did not feel like going to work today. I feel more like despondent.
12:17It was funny because Fizra noticed it yesterday. Like why do you look so down? I was like
12:21I don't know maybe I'm starting work tomorrow. If I was to be brutally honest um yes I can't wait to
12:32finish my ED run and move on. I don't have like too long left of the run. Maybe like another five
12:43weeks six weeks and I feel like it will go by pretty quickly.
13:01So it's your left hip. How many times have you had this happen to you before?
13:06Uh this is the fifth time. Okay quite a few times. Are you seeing? But in the last four years it hasn't
13:12happened at all and then suddenly it popped out again today. Okay. Could I have a look at your
13:17league? Yeah sure. Can you wiggle your toes? Can you feel me touching here? Yes. In here? Yes. Over here?
13:26Yeah. Yeah. So what do you think? Tell me what you've learned after you talked to me. She looks well.
13:32She knows. She's done this before. It's her fifth time. No other injuries? No other injuries. All right let's go.
13:37And Elizabeth is helping because she's extra strong.
13:46Knock knock. So we meet again. So we're gonna uh give you some oxygen, put the mood lighting on,
13:52give you a medicine which will put you nice and asleep. All right we're gonna give you 20.
13:58Do you have any dreams you want to have? Oh yeah. Nice tropical island.
14:02Mm-hmm. You can lean your head back if you want. Don't have to fight it.
14:11Put your knee there, right?
14:16Yes captain. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. See if you can get her femur completely vertical.
14:22Yep. Nearly. I've got femoral head. Ooh nice. Feels.
14:28Okay just pop it down. I think you need to go right on the bed and do the... Don't step on her leg. Watch out.
14:35Man. Lock your fingers underneath her knee. A little wiggle. You're doing the tricks. Twist. Don't hurt your back though.
14:44I think this needs the um internal rotation that way. Because it's just sliding on that.
14:51I know. I heard something. It's moving there. Yeah it grinds along the thing.
14:54Yeah. Take a rest. Take a rest. I think you guys should switch sides. Switch jobs.
15:06You should side. Yeah. It is now. Oh there you go. Don't worry. How simple is that? Good job.
15:14Yeah. Cool. Back in.
15:18Is it in? Uh it was a bit tough but when we were coming down then it just slid back into place.
15:25Okay. So overall quite uncomplicated. Thanks very much. All good. I've never done hip relocation before.
15:34That was quite um fun to do actually. We're very very keen for these sorts of cases that come in.
15:39Okay. Ready.
15:45I was just texting Alex. Oftentimes I think he'll say like oh we haven't really
15:51spend that much time together because I'll leave before he gets up and then like when I get back
15:58sometimes we don't see each other until like the very end of the evening.
16:04My mom is from Iran so we keep the traditional Persian new year.
16:22So it's a bit of like a tradition slash superstition where you jump over the fire and then it's that
16:42you give the fire your bad energy and then you only have good vibes.
16:48So you're leaving your um your negative energy.
16:51Yeah just give all positive things of happiness to me.
16:55Okay go and give your negative energy.
16:57Do you think I want to pop in the fire? Maybe hopefully my moodiness so I'm not so mean to Alex.
17:15I've just been very snappy like with him. Hopefully he gets there in time. I would love for him to come
17:21but they might not be. I don't know. Maybe he'll arrive soon. Yeah.
17:27Shadi, where are you? Oh, I think we're doing a group photo.
17:32Well, I'm coming. I'm coming. Come for a photo. Alex is here. Oh, Alex is here too.
17:39Shadi, go greet Alex.
17:42From northern stars to satellites, suddenly it feels so nice.
17:51All right, Alex. Everybody has jumped over fire. You haven't.
18:03You're getting the brightness, the happiness. Fire.
18:10Trying to find the time to spend meaningfully together. It's a new normal, I guess.
18:16When she works the weekends I think is the worst because the energy is like down here and it just
18:23means for the next few days it's tough. On one end it's also seeing like, man how fatigued she is
18:30and how tired. It would be very unfair of me to have some expectations of her not to act with that,
18:39you know, because that's part of her reality. So that's for me to understand as well.
18:43But it's kind of like for both of us to learn how can we accommodate the needs of each other.
18:47He does try to like bring me back to earth and when I'm kind of like get angry or get annoyed
18:59he'll try to like calm me down. Hi, Roman. How's school been?
19:03I have to learn to be kind to heaven. Will you come with me, cause time will wait for us.
19:19First day without her, that was a bit like, oh, felt like I was missing something, you know?
19:42How is it? Good. 86 year old, clinically a right neck of femur fracture. She's been walking around
19:54for like five days? Yeah, probably. Okay. There we go. That does not look good. Definitely broken.
20:03Yeah, that's a broken hip, all right. All right, so you want to start doing this? Yeah, sure.
20:08These type of hips almost always need surgery. So in the ED, it's just limited. We want to take
20:13care of her pain and make sure she's comfortable. There's a special trick we can do where we inject
20:17like a local or regional anesthetic around the hip. And our man here will be taught all how to do it.
20:24Have you ever seen one before? Yeah, I've seen one. Sounds very nice. He's a pro. He's all ready.
20:29Was it easy? It was easy. Famous nice words. We'll see what happens. Yeah.
20:34It's easy. Hello. Just got your x-rays and things back. It does show a broken bone
20:40around your hip, okay? So we're going to put a block in your hip, okay? That will hopefully just
20:46numb up that area in your leg, just so if we need to move it around, you won't feel that pain.
20:53It's okay. So it's a linear probe? Linear probe.
20:57And then usually there's a nerve setting. It's like magic. So did you really walk around for the
21:03last couple of days with this hip? Yeah. I use my walking frame. So it's so painful.
21:08I bet. I bet. We'll show you the x-ray and everyone will be surprised that you have been
21:12walking around for a week. How much pain are you in right now? It's okay. Very good. Hopefully this
21:18will have you feel a little bit better. So make sure this is towards you because that's where you're
21:23going to be putting the needle. Yeah. Nice. Good to eat. So this may have a little bit of sting.
21:31Oh, look at that. That's like a textbook. Hold the needle still. Yeah. And try to fan it again
21:37to see if it pops in there. And twist it a little bit and scan it a little bit. And then it magically
21:43comes in. It's like surprisingly difficult. Okay. And that's almost the perfect angle, right? Yeah.
21:48So keep going. Do you feel the magic pop? Yep. That was the pop. Nice. And look at that. It
21:54is like a textbook. Can you tell any difference? Can you feel any difference in pain yet?
22:01Yeah, that's probably good. It's awesome. Excellent. You did a great job. It's done. It's like a textbook.
22:07It's all done. It's all done. Guys, it's tough. Okay. I'll give the orthopedic team a call
22:13and they'll come and see you at some point today. Okay? Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. That's okay.
22:26Hey, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Oh, great. The nerve block was successful. I really enjoyed it.
22:34I'm good. Yeah. Felt confident after the procedure. Nice. I think I feel like I could do it again.
22:42Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought, well, it went well, so of course, you know, I can give myself a pat on the back, so.
22:50That's a good thing. Yeah. I agree.
22:52Yeah. All right, well, I'll see you soon. Bye. All right, love you.
22:58Love you too.
23:02Some people would regard me as very work-focused and I can be, but I'm also really trying to balance my
23:10life a little bit. Because I am the type to be more family-oriented.
23:15I've made up my mind, I'll make your mind.
23:33When I first met him, one of my main thoughts was whether he would be someone who would spend
23:38all his life at work. It's very easy to just think about work all the time and bring work home
23:45and if work would be his life, but he's not. Make a little heart.
23:49Okay. Heart open for interpretation. Looks like a bunny. Those are the ears.
23:53That was intention.
23:56It was good that I felt so open and comfortable to share these worries and getting to talk to him
24:02and talking through this before we got married was really good and helpful. Like, we know where we stand.
24:20It's still very early days, that I guess honeymoon period and also just early days in terms of the
24:26marriage itself. So there's its own sort of nervous quality associated with that too.
24:31We've got love and that's enough.
24:36How's the study going on?
24:38Um, I failed.
24:40What was your mum?
24:40I'm sorry.
24:41Aw, thank you.
24:43Yeah. Horrible, actually. It was so horrible. It was one of the worst things I've ever been through.
24:48I'm really sorry to hear that.
24:49Aw, thank you.
24:51You're just here.
24:53Everybody knows it's not an exam that defines you. It's just one of those steps you have to go through.
24:59And also people know that those who failed, they're not less of a doctor in any way.
25:04Any colleagues or other people that I know that might have failed, I would never ever think lower of them.
25:11But when it's you in that position, it's a completely different story. You're like,
25:15everybody's going to think lower of me. Um, or I think lower of myself. And just, yeah,
25:22you can be very, very self-critical.
25:24So, where's your head at now? How are you feeling?
25:26I just came back from a holiday with my whanau, which was so nice. I think they just, like,
25:30put everything into perspective for me. Like, you just have to find the silver lining in these things,
25:34which has taken me, like, four weeks. But, but, yeah, you just have to be like, okay, cool.
25:41At some stage, everybody's going to go through some kind of difficulty in their journey in this
25:45thing. And this just happened to be my biggest one. Yeah. Just go back to basics, you know.
25:52Yeah. Just going to race it again in October. October. You feel ready? Yeah. I reckon you'll
25:58be sweet. Thanks. You're still a great doctor. Thank you. And an awesome person. Oh, thank you.
26:04Thanks for the upliftment. You got it. You got this. I enjoy the hospital. I enjoy the people. I enjoy
26:12the patients. I enjoy the work. That is the most important thing. So, I'm staying really focused on that.
26:23Mr Nepp here? John? Yes. Awesome. I'm Kiriana. I'm one of the doctors. All right. So, I had a quick
26:31look at the notes. When did your breathing start causing problems? About October and November last year.
26:38Okay. We just finished having a tute session. Couldn't breathe. My heart locked up.
26:45Well, that would have been so scary. Everything just went boom.
26:49When you did have that boom feeling, was there any pain there? No. No. Okay. It was just that the
26:55breathing was just gone. Gone. Any heaviness? Yeah. Okay.
27:01Someone just went put it in a little box. Did you feel like that kind of sensation, that gripping
27:06sensation was going up here? Straight up. Straight up there. Okay. Did you like fall to the ground or
27:13anything like that? No. I don't think my vanity would have allowed me. Okay. Obviously very tough.
27:21Okay. Well, I thought I was. And then since then, the breathing's been a problem. Is that right?
27:27Yeah. Okay. When you're lying flat, do you get more short of breath? Instantaneously. Okay. Especially
27:33from here to there. It just gets squashed in. Mmm. And then my heart just goes .
27:42Kind of like palpitations? Yeah. Okay. Now, I'm going to have a quick look over you,
27:46if that's okay. I can just pop in under there. Thank you. Can you take a breath in and hold?
27:55The heart, it's a really interesting organ. It's just so important. Like, without the heart,
28:00there is nothing else. Once your heart stops, that's the end. So the stakes are high.
28:12All right. Okay. So what you have is a thing called heart failure.
28:24So essentially what I think happened is back then, you probably had a heart attack.
28:31And then this happens as a result of that heart attack.
28:34Like, first of all, you'll be staying in hospital with us for a little while. Like,
28:41I'd say a few days at least. Really? Yeah. This is pretty important. You know,
28:46like, the heart's not something to be messed with.
28:54This is my last day of ED. Today, you know, I've kind of felt like I wanted to be here.
29:00You know, I know it's my last job, so I'm really looking like seeing patients, seeing, you know,
29:06as much as I can just to get that kind of last bit of, um, experience in an emergency run.
29:14My experience in the emergency department has taught me that I like to see those who come in with
29:20broken bones, broken bones, um, and orthopedic complaints.
29:26It's definitely cemented my future plan. Hi, mate. How's your shoulder doing?
29:34We're still waiting on a room to be spared. Okay.
29:37Won't be too long, hopefully. You should be the next one.
29:42Now we're just putting him to sleep and hopefully try and attempt the reduction,
29:46which I'm quite excited for. I've never actually had to, um, do a shoulder reduction before.
29:51How painful do you think it is?
29:53It's quite painful. Pain's a big factor, so unless he's got any major problems like severe
30:00heart problems, lung problems or anything, we'd probably just propofol him with a bit of fentanyl.
30:04True.
30:07So what we're going to do is we're going to give you some medication to pop you off to sleep,
30:11and then you don't remember it.
30:14Okay, cool.
30:18Feeling a bit sleepy on it yet?
30:20Stefan, can you hear us?
30:23Yeah. Okay, let's give that a go. Just give a gentle traction there. That's cool. Just some gentle...
30:30Just relax there. That's good.
30:31Do you want me to counter-track?
30:33Yeah, counter-track, I think.
30:36I finally feel like I've been able to do some of the procedures that I wanted to do,
30:41and I'm like, whoa, that's super cool.
30:44Are you relaxing a bit more near far, so you're still...
30:48Just relax there now.
30:49Yeah.
30:51It's about nine degrees now.
30:53Yeah, so when you can't get any further up, then you can just do the rotation.
30:58Just doing rotation?
30:59Yeah.
31:01I find it's quite exhilarating.
31:04It's all very, very hands-on, and I quite enjoy that.
31:06Oh, boom, boom.
31:10Still not in.
31:15Okay.
31:15I'm going to have to try it.
31:16We're going to give you a bit more pain relief, and then we'll try that cockers, I think.
31:20After, I think it's going to be easy.
31:22He's not the Mr. Easy one to get in.
31:25Yep, okay.
31:26I mean, make sure you're tractioning first.
31:31Now, just lean all your body weight.
31:34Right, counter-traction, traction, and then just wait.
31:40There you go.
31:40Here we go.
31:41That's all you have to do.
31:43So that's gone in.
31:43Did you feel that and see that?
31:45Yeah, I did, yeah.
31:46Yeah.
31:47So, now why don't you test his range of motion in his shoulder,
31:51and it should feel a lot looser than it was before.
31:56Bring it up.
31:57Put it across his chest.
31:59There was a bit of a click on that side.
32:03Well done, fussy.
32:04There you go.
32:05Wasn't the easiest one, but you've done it.
32:08I did it.
32:09Yeah, my first shoulder dislocation.
32:12Amazing.
32:12Good feeling.
32:14Got a lot of help from my supervisors, so that was really nice.
32:18Yeah, wow.
32:20Never knew I could do it.
32:21Shoulder just popped into place.
32:25I've never seen that before, so I was like, wow, this is really cool.
32:28It's a nice feeling.
32:31I think just having solved that issue is really, it does make you feel like a doctor.
32:39Night showers down.
32:44Hello, you can wake up now.
32:46Waking up.
32:46Okay.
32:48How are you doing?
32:49Yeah, good?
32:51All right.
32:51Nice.
32:51We'll get the x-ray people to come in.
32:54X-ray the shoulder, see if it's in the right place, then we can send you on your way home.
32:58Good stuff.
32:59Good stuff.
33:00All right, take care.
33:00Yeah.
33:05I feel a little proud of myself that I've come to the end of the run.
33:08And I can finally see it all.
33:15I think I've developed myself well personally.
33:20And professionally.
33:25So now I'm at a stage where I feel confidence going into the next few runs.
33:29Right now I'm just waiting to go in for my end of run review.
33:46It's kind of assessing whether you pass or fail the rotation.
33:50It's a difficult run for a first year, first run, because it's quite busy.
33:55I think it's a jump in the deep end.
33:57You know, not everyone can work in a high pressure environment and still keep you cool.
34:12You've got good communication skills.
34:15You work well in the team.
34:18And I've seen you a few times in theatre as well, which is good.
34:23But overall, I think we've been happy with your performance.
34:26It's been good.
34:28We don't really have anything negative to say.
34:32I think you worked hard.
34:33So thank you for the hard work for the run.
34:37So I'm just going to sign off on you.
34:41That's it.
34:45Don't forget the carotid.
34:47Yes, I'll be there.
34:48I did pass the run, and I'm happy about the feedback.
34:55I think my last day was bittersweet, I guess.
35:01And nobody said it was easy.
35:04It's going to take everything on me.
35:10Still, I'm fighting for the finish.
35:13I'm going to make it, I'm going to make it.
35:20You made this.
35:21Hang on.
35:22Shardy.
35:22Full of surprises.
35:23All right.
35:24There you go.
35:25Are you sure?
35:26Yeah, they're for you.
35:27They're literally for you.
35:29They're literally so beautiful.
35:31I feel quite happy with how much effort I've put in.
35:36Like, trying to give my 100%.
35:39I don't know.
35:39When you're working, you feel more compelled to try your best.
35:42It's more the actual feedback on your performance, you know, as a person,
35:46an extension of yourself as a doctor.
35:48Three, two, one.
35:52I'm going to miss you.
35:55At the beginning, being called, like, Dr. Shardy,
35:58I didn't really associate that with my identity, but now I do.
36:03So, yeah, feel good.
36:04Maybe surgeon will be the next one.
36:18And this run, I actually learnt something, and it wasn't really to do with the exam.
36:35It was just about learning.
36:37I'm like, okay, cool, that part's done.
36:39I can just get back to my groove, you know, like, get back to the things that I really like.
36:44And I've realised that I'm interested in cardiology.
36:49Now, you've had some chest pain, is that right?
36:51Like, you light a wick, and it just goes straight to here.
36:55It feels like some, you know, just a bit of pressure like this on this side.
36:59And then I panicked, thinking, what the heck?
37:02Yeah.
37:02You've had some pains and breathing problems, I've heard.
37:06Yeah.
37:07A very sharp pain.
37:08The pain from one to ten, it was about a seven.
37:11What's been happening?
37:13Chest pain, shooting in my arm.
37:15Whereabouts in the chest?
37:17On the left side.
37:18Okay, good.
37:19I'll just have a listen to your chest.
37:22I just like the heart.
37:26I like the different things that can go wrong.
37:29What we call the pathology of the heart.
37:32So it's the kind of different disease conditions and things that affect the heart.
37:36Oh, great.
37:37Very strong.
37:39And I guess I like that pressure of knowing that if you do something here,
37:43you're making a big difference.
37:45So you had a chest x-ray, which was normal.
37:47Palpitations that happen on and off, it could just be that your heart was beating fast,
37:51a bit dehydrated and things like that.
37:54The ECG looks okay.
37:55There's nothing on there to say you're having a heart attack or you've had a heart attack recently.
38:00The heart's like that little bit of extra, that bit of like caring for the person or finding out
38:05that little bit of information about them that takes a consultation.
38:10They're just getting to know and talking about a disease to a personal level.
38:14I've had this a few times and I'm worried now and then.
38:18But even my boss, are you sure it's not panic attacks?
38:21Hmm.
38:22Now, I've been a truckie for 52 years.
38:25Wow, that's a long time.
38:27Yeah, from Auckland to Wellington.
38:29Wow, and long trips.
38:31And I just retired August last year, so that'll be about five months ago.
38:37Yes.
38:38And all of a sudden, this has been coming on.
38:40You must have just been working, working, working.
38:42Yeah, I have been.
38:43Noticed all of these little things.
38:44All that's been happening.
38:47They say like emotions that come from the heart and stuff are very like deep-seated emotions.
38:54Deep traumas and stuff are often felt down here.
38:58All right.
38:58If you get any more chest pain, you just have to let the nurses know.
39:01Okay, honey.
39:01We'll monitor you for a day or so.
39:03That's good.
39:04Okay.
39:05Thank you very much.
39:05All right.
39:05You're very welcome.
39:07I think now, like, I'm coming out of what I would call the Great Depression.
39:14It's kind of, in a way, been a learning experience to just be like, there's more to life than an exam.
39:20There's more to life than failure, and that failure is part of life.
39:25You just have to learn and you have to grow from that experience.
39:37Exam results.
39:48Oh my god.
39:52Fingers crossed.
39:53Downloading one message.
39:56Your results.
39:58Oh, I'm really nervous now to open it.
40:01trying to be one of those people who fails and gets back up again you know just had to go through
40:09like the most extreme version of that in order to learn that about myself I think I'd like to say
40:14there's nothing that will shake me now after going through that pretty sure that's the hardest thing
40:19I'll ever go through in my career definitely I think the biggest hurdle of my career for sure
40:26but it's going to take more than that to take me down
40:36oh that was successful
40:39this says congratulations you're successful in the Royal Australasian College of Physicians
40:47Divisional Written Examination we acknowledge the hard work and dedication you've put into your
40:53training this is a significant achievement on your journey to becoming a physician oh I'm so happy
41:01oh yay oh my gosh I passed I passed let me just double check that email oh my gosh yay
41:17oh I'll just see who this is very quickly hello Kiriana speaking the myopericarditis ed resus 3 okay let's go
41:36when you look back now like in reflection you can see there's a bigger picture around being a doctor
41:46it's not just me you know you're part of a massive team
41:50it's very very collective you're working with like-minded people the passions that they have kind
42:06of align with the passions that you have and you want the same things for your patients
42:10I think one of the key things for the patients is feeling like they mean something the service
42:26that's provided to them should be in line with what they need and should make them feel safe should
42:31make them feel valued that's the importance of what we do every day because at the end of the day
42:43it's about helping people
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