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Virgins Season 1 Episode 4 - Full
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00:00Go!
00:00Go!
00:01Previously on Virgin.
00:03I am still a virgin.
00:05There was some red flags with Zach,
00:07and I had to shut it down immediately.
00:09Like, I don't even want to entertain it.
00:11I don't think I'm ever going to see him again.
00:13But if I'm ever going to lose my virginity,
00:15I have to keep putting myself out there.
00:17Oh!
00:18BDSM and bondage is sexy AF.
00:20I need to meet a man with ropes and a flogger.
00:24We must have gotten all the girls.
00:26Come on.
00:27It's tough even thinking about telling her about living
00:29with my parents or that I'm a virgin.
00:31She's going to take it as a red flag.
00:32I would like to see you again, Alex.
00:33Sweet.
00:34I don't want to mess it up.
00:36Everyone's just like, give him a chance.
00:38Give him a chance.
00:39I get annoyed when they're, like, pushing.
00:41Like, what about this guy?
00:42What about this guy?
00:42Do you think anyone's cute in here, Dan?
00:44I don't.
00:45Hey, boys.
00:46How old are you?
00:48Go have that conversation by yourself.
00:50Just leave me the hell alone.
00:52, like, come on, guys.
00:53I'll find someone when I find someone.
00:56Would you be open to a sexual surrogate?
00:59Someone trained to help people in a sexual capacity
01:03and just practice in a safe environment.
01:06Sexual surrogacy sounds like a prostitute.
01:09It can be all the way to intercourse.
01:12That's just not something I would ever want to do.
01:29All right, so I'm thinking this blue dress with my black sneakers.
01:35And it's cute to take selfies with.
01:37You know, and it situates the curves and whatnot.
01:40That is Mr. who we are going to be meeting today.
01:44Takes good pictures.
01:46Looks fun.
01:47I am going to the selfie showroom with a new guy named Jeremy.
01:52And this is only my second date.
01:54But I don't think I'm as scared or timid as I was for my first date.
01:58Are there any little things you're going to do to, like, try to even be sexier on your date?
02:02My imagination is huge.
02:04I always have a what-if in my mind.
02:08When I put my perfume on, you know, you got to get between the thighs.
02:11You know what I'm saying?
02:12Because you don't know where that head going to be at.
02:14You want your wind air to be right.
02:16Jeremy and I have been communicating online for maybe about a week.
02:32And he sounds open to trying new experiences.
02:35I don't know if I'm going to tell him I'm a virgin.
02:39I'm going to go with the flow and go with the vibe.
02:41And if I feel comfortable, I may tell him.
02:44Rasha.
02:45Hi.
02:46Hey.
02:47How are you?
02:48I'm good.
02:49How are you?
02:50I'm great.
02:51I'm great.
02:52You look good.
02:53You look good.
02:55All right.
02:56Aw.
02:57It's like, OK, he's cute, you know?
02:58I already knew the height difference, but that doesn't matter at all.
03:02I would probably like someone taller because I like the manly type, the rugged manly type.
03:08But he just, you know, he was cute.
03:10Like, aw.
03:11Welcome in.
03:12Hi.
03:13You got your phones on here?
03:14I do.
03:15I do.
03:16On her profile, Rasha seemed like a really nice person.
03:20Deep in that bag.
03:22I got it.
03:24She said that she was interested in exploring new things and open-minded, just like I am.
03:30I'm an explorer.
03:31I like to try new things.
03:32And I think she's really cute.
03:34So this looks like it's going to be fun.
03:37All right.
03:38All right.
03:39So let's go and see what we can see.
03:42Oh.
03:43So this is where everyone from social media comes, huh?
03:45Yes.
03:46When I read Jeremy's profile, he has his stuff together, which is important.
03:51Having his own place, his own car, and having a good job.
03:55Let's do this.
03:56But if I want to have sex with someone for the very first time, I need to have a spark and
03:59a connection.
04:00Definitely.
04:01Cheese!
04:02Cheese.
04:03Yay!
04:04I love that.
04:05Oh, man.
04:06Oh, man.
04:07I look so short.
04:08I look like a luchador without his mask.
04:10No!
04:11That's cute.
04:12Oh, my goodness.
04:13Jeremy, he's funny.
04:16And he's really going along with it.
04:21I like that.
04:22Yes.
04:23How about that?
04:24Good.
04:25That's cute.
04:26And we look cute together.
04:29We do.
04:30Next.
04:36That's cute.
04:37You know what I mean?
04:38That's cute.
04:39I'm not looking for cute.
04:40You're not looking for cute.
04:41Come on.
04:43You know what this place reminds me of?
04:46Hmm?
04:47It kind of reminds me of like a BDSM dungeon where everything's all like,
04:51play scenes and stuff.
04:57Like, what are the odds?
04:58We did not talk about BDSM in our messages at all.
05:01At all.
05:02We did not talk about anything sexual in our conversation.
05:06Hand to God.
05:07Hand to God.
05:08Hand to God.
05:09We did not talk about anything sexual.
05:11So for him to actually say that, I was just like, wow.
05:17Okay, so funny story.
05:19I just went to a place like that.
05:23Are you for real?
05:24Yes.
05:27Oh.
05:28Mm-hmm.
05:29Oh, my God.
05:30He doesn't even know I'm a virgin.
05:32He's gonna think I'm wild, but it's the complete opposite.
05:36It's been a few days since my first day with Andrea.
05:51And tonight, she's coming by my house.
05:54And I'm feeling a little weird because I never brought a girl up in my room.
06:00Even if we didn't do anything, I never brought a girl up in my room.
06:04Okay.
06:05I did have to beg my parents to leave the house.
06:06Okay.
06:07That's good enough, I guess.
06:08All right.
06:09All right.
06:10I've never made it this far with a girl before.
06:11And I don't really know what I'm expecting tonight.
06:12I do feel like I should have done a little bit more homework on how to, you know, get a
06:13girl because I feel like maybe I could get a kiss.
06:14But I hope telling her the truth will end this dry spell.
06:16I had a child up, but I'm just like, man, I should have done a little bit more homework
06:21on how to, you know, get a girl because I feel like maybe I could get a kiss, but I hope telling her the truth will end this dry spell.
06:44So, pfft, no.
06:48Hey. Hi, so good to see you.
06:50Can I come in? Of course, of course, of course.
06:52It's freezing, I know, I know.
06:54Can I take a jacket for you?
06:58Alright, I'm gonna set it right here, is that okay?
07:00Yeah, of course, that's perfect.
07:02Right next to your pawpaw.
07:04That's Sophie.
07:06And your place is so sweet and cozy.
07:08Thank you, thank you, thank you.
07:10Wow, okay.
07:12I love that this house is filled with your family.
07:16I can tell that that's really important to you.
07:18Yeah, so let's go up here.
07:20Here we go.
07:24Oh, nice.
07:26I wasn't always up here.
07:28Wow. So, let's just say that for now.
07:30Oh, nice.
07:32This was not my original room.
07:34Oh, my gosh.
07:38I totally forgot that I was there.
07:40I've been stuck on the same month for...
07:42You seem to like brunettes.
07:44I see the pattern.
07:46Yeah.
07:48I am completely embarrassed.
07:50First off, I forgot that I was there.
07:52And second of all, it's stuck on one month.
07:56So, like, that's even more embarrassing that I don't flip the page.
08:00There's the guitar over there that I don't play.
08:04You don't? So, I have a guitar.
08:06It's hard. I'm trying.
08:08Oh, you're trying? Okay, well, you get it eventually.
08:10I mean, I shouldn't say I'm trying because I really am not putting a lot of effort into it.
08:13It's very frustrating.
08:14And it hurts my freaking fingers.
08:17But yeah, this is...
08:18How cool.
08:19This is my bedroom.
08:21You want to have a seat?
08:22Oh, sure.
08:23You can sit here or chair.
08:24It doesn't matter.
08:25Oh, I don't have a preference.
08:27I mean, I'll sit here next to you.
08:28Yeah.
08:29Alright, awesome.
08:30Okay.
08:31So, yeah.
08:32Having a girl, not just in my room, but on my bed.
08:39I'm...
08:40I'm just...
08:41It's weird.
08:42And I'm nervous.
08:46Just...
08:47So, this is my childhood home.
08:50Yeah.
08:51I want to complain to Andrea about still being a virgin and living at home with my parents.
08:57But I'm just really nervous because I don't want her to be turned off by it and just want
09:04to leave.
09:05I don't want to send her running for the hills.
09:08Um, I don't live here by myself.
09:12So, I actually live with my parents.
09:21Oh, wow.
09:22I do.
09:23Um, so, yeah.
09:24I mean, it's God's perks, but...
09:28Which is kind of why I never really dated anybody.
09:31Hmm.
09:32There's certain things around that that...
09:35I don't have as much experience as a lot of guys.
09:41So, I don't know if that's...
09:43If you kind of understand that.
09:51I don't know.
09:52What do you mean?
09:53Like, telling you more detail.
09:54I'm...
09:55I'm a little confused.
09:59Um...
10:03Needless to say, like, I just...
10:04I've never really had sex with a woman.
10:13Are you ready?
10:14Yeah, let's do it.
10:15Don't look so nervous.
10:16It's just cold water.
10:17I think Alex is very athletic and attractive with his shirt off.
10:22This is someone that I actually could see myself wanting to talk to.
10:25But is he gonna run away when he finds out that I don't have sexual experience?
10:30You're gonna have to make some changes and tolerate some risk and some vulnerability.
10:34I am honestly taken aback when Kimberly mentions meeting with a sex surrogate.
10:40That's just jaw-dropping to me.
10:43Hi!
10:44What's your name?
10:45T-Ann, I'm here to get signed in.
10:46Have you plunged with us before?
10:47I have not.
10:48I've never actually plunged ever.
10:49Oh, my gosh.
10:50At this point, all of my friends think that I'm too concentrated on fighting Mr. Perfect.
11:11They don't feel like I'm really giving people the chance that they deserve.
11:16realizing I just need to like get my ass in gear and like start to make happen
11:20for myself because I don't want to be alone forever I don't want to not have
11:25sex forever so today I'm gonna do this icebreakers speed dating events and I
11:30think going into a situation where there's multiple people I think it'll
11:34allow me to really see who I click with see who I vibe with and it's just more
11:40options rather than just like here's the person on the table for you see if you
11:44fit and maybe I do find somebody I want to have a sexual experience with
12:04I'm looking around and I'm seeing a lot of people that might not be my vibe but
12:11then there is one guy he's super cute super tall but I never approach guys if I
12:19find someone that I think is super hot I'll mention it to my friends and
12:24sometimes we'll try to find a way to go over there but I would never actively
12:29approach them proximity my seduction method is proximity
12:37Alex feels very much like he's comfortable in this situation yeah
12:45Alex feels very much like he's comfortable in this situation yeah that like quiet confidence
13:03without being cocky is just attractive to me because he's making me feel very
13:08comfortable so him being attractive along with it being a comfortable scenario feels
13:13like something I haven't felt yet this event is completely out of the blue for me something
13:22that I just took a leap of faith on I almost pulled out three times this morning before even
13:28arriving when I walked in right away I noticed Deanne she was kind of glowing she
13:33looked very pretty she's definitely my type I'm definitely into shorter girls brunettes she
13:37has a very nice smile I'd really like to get to know her some more are you ready yeah are
13:43you guys ready to take the plug don't look so nervous it's just cold water okay so we
13:48have our icebreaker questions in the tub I think Alex is very athletic and
13:53attractive with his shirt off this is someone that I actually could see myself wanting to talk to
13:58you want me to go in first but now what becomes the issue is is he gonna run away when he finds out
14:06that I don't have sexual experience you know what this place reminds me of like a BDSM dungeon okay so
14:26funny story I just went to a place like that are you for real yes funny story
14:34I've been a lifestyle for about 15 years
14:36wow listen yeah listen uh oh that's real like oh my god I was like okay Jeremy it was crazy
14:52spanking's my fetish uh role playing um what yeah we have much to discuss my friend oh lord young
15:00lady yes we do we did not talk about BDSM in our messages at all and is there anything in his
15:06profile that hints at that let me check okay I've never been married no kids live alone good credit
15:14open-minded non-vanilla there you go that's a little indication but nothing in that profile would
15:22scream BDSM he does not have it on there wow yes yes what are the odds like for real for real I tried the
15:35begins with the F like the little um tassel thingy vlogger vlogger there we go I tried that interesting
15:42and I was tied up hanging from something and it was cool yes yes definitely new experience it is yeah
15:52Russia opening up to me was just like okay good because I do get judged by people when I say yeah
16:00I like to spank girls in a hot fun sexy way look at that boy yay make it rain
16:08and now like I could have a chance to be myself oh like just like all right there we go yes yes yes
16:21I think sharing a common interest did set the vibe from friendly to flirty it's your turn take a seat
16:29young lady yes when he calls me young lady is sexy and it's new but I like it the room that
16:38makes you just scream red yes did you have fun at the club it was an experience I mean I liked it
16:46oh okay all right so I'm just going to tell you my other secrets um so one of my secrets is that
16:56I am actually still a virgin
17:01wow that is amazing
17:10I decided to be open and honest up front because I want him to have a choice if he's not into that
17:19you know awesome all right um I don't have a problem with it I mean I like sex but like
17:25sex isn't like the main thing for me I just have to be careful of how I'm going to approach this if
17:34she's going to be taking the initiative into BDSM I'm going to communicate with her I'm going to make
17:40sure I respect her boundaries if this is the route that she wants to go I'm not going to force anything
17:47that I'm into on anybody I'm always going to be upfront to tell them what I like and if
17:52they're curious want to like continue whatever I'll even show you how I spank naughty little girls like
17:59you young lady oh okay oh okay okay do you think this is funny
18:08I mean it's um it's a learning process but I mean like
18:16you're gonna have to make some changes and tolerate some risk and some vulnerability
18:42this is new stuff the sexual surrogate would work with you around overcoming some of your
18:49anxieties and aversions I am honestly so shocked and taken aback when Kimberly mentions meeting with
19:01a sex surrogate that's just jaw-dropping to me what's nice about working with a sexual surrogate
19:08is that we all work together as a team and there's a collaboration to adjust the pace
19:16and check in with you about your comfort and that things are moving in a direction that you feel
19:24safe I don't know I've been a certain way for so long it's tough Sonali is resistant and suspicious
19:34which is understandable but I think working with a sexual surrogate it's worth trying because if
19:41she's receptive maybe it could unlock something and help her overcome some of her sexual barriers
19:47I could help facilitate a meeting or give you more information about that
19:51I'm open to it okay I do believe teamwork makes the dream work that's right
20:02I do believe it takes a village that's right I can't believe I'm gonna do this but Kimberly assures
20:07me it will be very professional and that I will be the one in control I'm still very nervous but if I
20:15want to get any closer to losing my virginity I need to try something new and completely out of my comfort
20:20zones I think your prognosis is pretty good this is your problem
20:25now I want to see some toys oh you want to see some toys
20:32Jeremy's a pro at spanking let's in the meat here really oh the sweet meat and I want to experience
20:39this I'm like okay let's go do this to say like I just I've never really had sex with a woman
20:58wow but I'm it's it's rough most people go to college and they hook up all the time I didn't
21:10want to do that I wanted that real connection everybody has their quirks yes this specific
21:18piece isn't anything to feel ashamed of yeah or to feel like you have to hide I appreciate the courage
21:26that that took to to share despite you know maybe feeling some nerves around it I am surprised honestly
21:34I remember when I was a virgin and I remember how scary it was to proceed in the world and feel like
21:40I was behind also at my age when I had sex can I give you a hug of course it's really a sore spot for
21:48some people so I I really understand him and have compassion for him you're an awesome person I
21:56mean I'm the connections there and I trust you I'm really hoping we can meet up again I think this
22:07is gonna go pretty good I mean I don't know if you're feeling the same way let's see if we can
22:15uh support each other and hundred percent and um let's make it happen I'd love to see you again
22:21I opened up to her about living at home and being a virgin and then and she accepted it I feel the
22:30connection and I feel like the vibe is right I feel like she's telling me hey they went on me
22:35so I feel like this is a perfect time to go for a kiss thanks for bringing me to uh your place and
22:42of course thank you for bringing me into your world
22:44I really like you a lot
22:48I so appreciate that you want to kiss me and I want us to continue knowing and learning about each
23:17other before we hit that level of romance can you be a little bit more patient I guess so
23:23you know what the best things are worth waiting for you are absolutely worth waiting for
23:33get rejected from a kiss sucks I mean who wouldn't feel bad about it
23:42it makes me feel embarrassed do I know what I'm doing was it the right time was it how was it the
23:56wrong time I'm overthinking things but now I don't know what to think if I can't even get a girl to
24:04kiss me am I ever gonna lose my virginity
24:10okay so we have our icebreaker questions in the tub I just think it answer this given the choice of anyone in the world who would you want as a dinner guest
24:32yeah celebrity someone you admire can you bring some back from the dead as a dinner guest
24:38yeah sure probably my grandmother oh that's cute okay wait okay if you could live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of the 30 year olds in the last 60 years of your life which would you want the mind
24:50I feel like it'd be pretty miserable to get up there and just look good you know this ice bath is so cold I'm
24:56so freezing I just want to get out and Alex is just chilling and his confidence is very attractive to
25:02you want to get out you survived nice you want to get in the sauna yeah yeah yeah
25:08I'm feeling chemistry with Deanne for sure there is definitely attraction
25:12aside from the abs what do you normally do
25:14I don't I just don't I do not put myself out there at all
25:19now that I'm finally feeling some type of excitement about a guy
25:23I like that feeling
25:25I feel like I would do the ice bath again for sure
25:27yeah no I I really like getting to know you you want to get coffee more casually or go to the beach or
25:33yeah I don't drink coffee but we can go to the beach
25:34go to the beach okay yeah that's a plan then
25:41Lord okay this is the first time that I'm actually wanting to go on a second date
25:47I'm happy about it and I'm hoping that this could develop into something more
25:53it was nice to meet you too
25:54see you again
25:55yeah yeah
25:56see you
25:59thank you have a seat
26:01Wayne is absolutely not what I was expecting
26:04nice to meet you
26:05is it okay if I shake your hand
26:06yes it's fine
26:07I was actually expecting a tall muscular bodybuilder who hovered over me
26:12we would work through physical intimacy when I say physical intimacy I mean like whatever
26:16sex
26:31come in
26:34hi
26:35hey
26:36welcome
26:37hi
26:38that safe trip right here
26:39yes
26:40alright
26:41well thank you for coming
26:42yeah I'm excited
26:43alright
26:44on my last date with Jeremy
26:46the vibe went from friendly to flirty after we found out that we both are into BDSM
26:54what does that mean BDSM?
26:56BDSM okay honestly and truly BDSM means like just tying up and spanking and like people that like pain
27:03so D is for
27:05booty
27:06booty
27:07D is for
27:08D is
27:10S is sex
27:13and M is moaning
27:15I don't really know
27:17I don't know I'm just making it up
27:19but I'm hoping I experience all those things
27:22so I think we're done
27:24so I think we're done
27:25yay
27:26I think we have dinner
27:28yay I'm excited
27:30a man has never invited me over or cooked for me before so it's very nice because like
27:37big purr is trying to get fed
27:40you're wild
27:42alrighty
27:44big purr is my vagina
27:48wow
27:50you're welcome
27:51remember that movie with the plant with the big mouth that says feed me
27:54what
27:55thank you
28:00I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about Jeremy
28:05we still need to have more conversation and that will help me see if there is a spark
28:12if he's the one that I want to lose my virginity to
28:15oh
28:16mmm
28:18mmm
28:20mmm
28:22mmm
28:23mmm
28:24mmm
28:25mmm
28:26mmm
28:27mmm
28:28mmm
28:29mmm
28:30mmm
28:31mmm
28:32mmm
28:33mmm
28:34mmm
28:35like this is only my third date that I've been on in my life so I definitely need
28:40more practice dating
28:42flirting part I don't think I got flirting all the way down
28:45how do you flirt
28:47blink
28:54is that how you wink
28:56I can't wink
29:00I like your meat
29:02oh you like my meat
29:04mm-hmm
29:06mm-hmm
29:07young lady are you having a dirty mind here at the dinner table while we're trying to eat
29:11the dinner
29:12mm-hmm
29:13yeah it's good
29:14you're making me blush
29:15mm-hmm
29:16I bet
29:17usually I'm the one that makes cheeks blush in this house
29:19mm-hmm
29:21mm-hmm
29:23mm-hmm
29:24you're blushing right now
29:25me?
29:26yeah
29:27mm-hmm
29:28mm-hmm
29:29I think Rasha's really cute and things are getting a little flirty with our conversation
29:34so I had to go ahead and address that to her
29:38maybe I'll make some other cheeks red later
29:41mm-hmm
29:42mm-hmm
29:43mm-hmm
29:44mm-hmm
29:45mm-hmm
29:46mm-hmm
29:47mm-hmm
29:48mm-hmm
29:49mm-hmm
29:50mm-hmm
29:51initially I am feeling kind of shy but then I'm like no why am I feeling shy
29:57do you think you would let Jeremy spank you first or kiss you first?
30:01I think I would let Jeremy spank before kiss
30:07really?
30:08yeah because I feel like you know spanking the spanking I feel is like fun and um kissing I feel is more intimate
30:16it is something that you know healthily I would like to explore
30:24oh yeah
30:25Jeremy's a pro at spanking and I want to experience it so I'm like okay let's go spank my booty
30:32now I want to see some toys
30:35oh you want to see some toys
30:37mm-hmm
30:38yeah
30:39show and tell yeah
30:40yeah
30:41yeah
30:43it's always cool that's anyone who's going out of their way to discover themselves to find somebody to help them with their path
30:50I'm gonna go ahead and show you what treasures I have
30:54okay
30:55but she's still a virgin so I want to make sure there's clear communication and I just want to take things slowly
31:01ooh
31:03wow
31:04yeah
31:05this right here is a fanny favorite
31:07fire hose
31:08fire hose
31:09wow
31:10yeah you're gonna feel it all right
31:11and this right here
31:14hmm
31:16oh
31:18ready
31:19alrighty
31:20let's see
31:21alrighty
31:22let's see
31:23that ain't nothing
31:27mm-hmm
31:28alright one more
31:29one more
31:30wired like in the meat area
31:32oh the sweet meat
31:33there
31:34yeah okay
31:35yeah okay
31:36yeah okay
31:37hello
31:38hello
31:39oh
31:40I thought it was the sting
31:41that hurt
31:42that hurt
31:44I do want to be spanked
31:46but yeah I don't want to get my skin ripped off my ass
31:49it was that bad
31:51old horse riding crop
31:53you know
31:54usually it takes people who never tried it a little while to warm up
31:59alrighty
32:00but Rasha was really excited and jumped right into it
32:04alrighty
32:05so I'm just excited to see where it goes
32:14you're good
32:15yeah
32:16yeah
32:17you're good
32:18yeah I'm good
32:19alrighty
32:20wow that was interesting
32:21okay
32:22thank you for sharing
32:23yes
32:24nice
32:25the spanking part was the best part and I could see me taking some things from it and having like a fun night
32:30but I think that with Jeremy it didn't feel as sexy
32:34as it looks in porn
32:38feels like more friendship and playful
32:41I'm glad that you was curious about it and wanted to at least explore
32:45wow
32:46okay
32:47thank you
32:48yeah you're welcome
32:49so you could be spanked by someone but it was hard to have an intimate connection
32:54I think it was just Jeremy as to why the intimacy like mentally wasn't there
32:59watching porn the guys are like dominant and like they take what they want
33:03kind of thing and like they're just like powerful and I don't feel that from Jeremy
33:10I'm not really sexually attracted to him
33:13nice collection
33:16wow interesting
33:18at first when Kimberly mentioned that I should talk to a sex surrogate I felt really uneasy
33:36a sex surrogate like I did not even know such a title existed I've heard of maternal and motherly surrogates but um the more I think about it I actually feel better about it because he's a professional and I have control I'm the client
33:49come in
33:50come in
33:51thank you
33:52have a seat
33:53hello
33:54hello Sonali
33:55nice to meet you
33:56care if I shake a hand
33:57yes it's fine
33:58Wayne is a colleague of mine
34:00uh-huh
34:01he's a intimacy coach intimacy partner
34:04I brought him here today
34:06to introduce you
34:07in the hopes that you two can do some work together over the next weeks and that he can help you overcome some of your barriers and discomfort
34:17intimacy partner is where you get the benefits of a relationship without feeling unsafe or uncomfortable basically I come in and I help people around sexual trauma sexual performance intimacy issues with others and intimate issues with self
34:33what brings you here now
34:35I want companionship
34:37and love
34:38sex is a part of that
34:42in working together with me we would work through you feeling comfortable and feeling relaxed and then we would kind of move into physical intimacy when I say physical intimacy I mean like whatever is comfortable for you
34:55I'm open to it but
34:57like I am who I am I just
35:00I understand that
35:02Wayne was absolutely not what I was expecting
35:05I was actually expecting a tall muscular bodybuilder who hovered over me
35:09come on in
35:11hello Sonali
35:12welcome to my humble abode
35:13thank you
35:14meeting him in Kimberly's office was one thing but then he came to my home
35:19is this good?
35:20yes it's perfect
35:21okay
35:22thank you
35:23I've never had a boy in my house before
35:26what is your comfort level with me?
35:29if I didn't feel comfortable I would have left
35:32I'm not here to change you assway your thought process in many way I might help you
35:38me comfortable with you
35:40I respect and hear what you're saying
35:42but I'm 37
35:43you know I've been like this for so long so this is how I am I've accepted that
35:47I just want to be happy
35:49yeah
35:50the sessions with Wayne have been interesting
35:57a lot of dialogue consisting of a lot of debate
36:00we have different perspectives on a lot of different topics
36:04hello Sonali how are you doing today?
36:07good how are you?
36:08coming in
36:09I'm good thank you
36:10have a seat please
36:11there has not been any touching yet
36:13which I do appreciate
36:15but now I feel these sessions are laying the groundwork for a more in-depth session
36:22perhaps exploring touch
36:25I am simultaneously excited and nervous
36:29I'm scared
36:32I want to check in with you at the last session
36:34I know you said it was a little intense
36:36so just kind of seeing where you are today
36:38how you're feeling you know about just seeing our interactions so far
36:41it's scary this whole journey has been scary
36:44it's been jaw-dropping and very mind-foggling
36:48and what would you say your goal is at the end of all of this?
36:54well I am human
36:56what human doesn't want companionship and love
36:59so your journey is around companionship
37:01what about being more comfortable with yourself around sex, sexuality
37:05like I'm open to change but like change doesn't happen overnight right
37:08like I've been a certain way for so long
37:10and then you and I have only met a couple times
37:12which I'm glad we did connect
37:15but even you've said in our previous conversations
37:18you want to plant a seed in my mind and then let that germinate
37:22so far the sessions have been a little difficult
37:25I believe some of Sonali's biggest barriers are just this narrative that she's created around herself
37:30because she has this fear around men, around men's touch
37:33I really wanted her to understand that she can receive all the things that she wants for herself, through herself
37:39what I'm here for you is to help you become more comfortable with yourself
37:42and we talk about like why haven't you ever touched yourself
37:45and you know a lot of times
37:47what's this?
37:48speaking in a more sensual way, in a more pleasurable way
37:51right?
37:52I just touched myself here, are you happy now?
37:54right? it sounds so foreign to you
37:58and it's something also that I feel like it's so uncomfortable for you as well
38:02the idea of touching yourself
38:04if I hear the word masturbation I cringe
38:07I don't question people who do the M word
38:10I would hope that Wayne would also respect me for my choices in life
38:13I really don't, like I really don't crave sex
38:17or I don't have cravings or urges or anything
38:19and I know this
38:20even though Indian people created the Kama Sutra
38:22right, right, that's why I wanna, those are parts I wanna lean into for you
38:25those are parts that are so, the uncomfortable parts of you
38:28that even talk about it because you haven't grown up that way
38:30Yeah
38:31so as an adult
38:32Is that my fault?
38:33it's not, it's not
38:34you get to change that
38:35Sonali is very uncomfortable right now
38:37that concept is so hard for her to understand
38:39because she's never learned what touch could be like for her
38:43what is the, what's the worst thing that can happen if you try to
38:46I don't know
38:47this is something you can do for yourself
38:50by yourself
38:51thank you for the information
38:52I am starting to feel annoyed by Wayne
38:55even if that's not his intention
38:56because he keeps bugging me about touching myself
38:59it's just not something I wanna do
39:01it goes against my personal values
39:03plus the guy leaders are super painful
39:05so why would my fingers be any different?
39:07I truly do want to help empower you
39:11you'll make a meal for yourself
39:13creating ambiance for yourself
39:15maybe be some candles or some mood music
39:17whatever that is to really start to help you relax yourself, right?
39:20and be in your body and not be in your head, right?
39:22and then you can test it out and see what it feels like for yourself
39:25whatever that looks like
39:27right?
39:29I know it's uncomfortable
39:31I am starting to get really overwhelmed
39:33I just wanna get out of here
39:34we're going around in circles
39:36where is this going here?
39:37like
39:38I really
39:39cause I
39:40do you see?
39:41we're just going around in circles really
39:42right?
39:43just like
39:44cause when I say something to you
39:45cause you were different genders, were different cultures
39:46and then I had both cultures being thrown at me, right?
39:48like even at 37
39:50I can't help it
39:51this is who I am
39:52I just
39:53this is different
39:54you wouldn't understand
39:55we're just going back and forth
39:56like there's no solution, right?
39:57like I've had enough
39:58it's been a few days since the last time I saw Andrea
40:02and I've been playing it back in my head multiple times
40:05the conversation we had, the connection we had, the hand touching, everything
40:12and then
40:27getting denied a kiss
40:29at the end
40:31it's just confusing
40:32like
40:33what did I do wrong?
40:34cause we've been texting back and forth here and there
40:37just because
40:38she doesn't live close by
40:40but we decided to catch up properly over a video call
40:43I've been overthinking a lot
40:46and I feel like
40:47when I see her
40:48and hear her voice
40:49that
40:50it's probably going to like go away
40:52I just want to see her
41:01hey
41:02hey
41:03how's it going?
41:04it's going so good
41:05oh
41:06surprisingly
41:07I've got energy this morning
41:08despite
41:09being up really late
41:10yeah my
41:11how have you been?
41:12I've been pretty good
41:13just busy
41:14you know
41:15with work and
41:16it's been hectic
41:17now that it's Saturday
41:18you know
41:19it's a little easier today
41:21okay
41:22and um
41:23I wanted to jump on
41:24and talk with you a little bit
41:26okay
41:27to be really transparent
41:29and honest with you
41:30okay
41:31so
41:32I'll be going out of the country
41:34I'll be actually traveling to Egypt
41:36for like a month and a half
41:37oh
41:38but
41:39what I was thinking
41:40in terms of our connection
41:42I want us to continue cultivating a friendship
41:47I'm going to be out and about for a lot of time
41:51and I'm not sure when we're going to be able to see each other back here in the city
41:55um
42:02it stinks that you're leaving soon
42:05but
42:06I'd rather keep you as a friend than lose you like in general
42:09so
42:10I would love to keep in touch
42:12hopefully down the road meet up and hang out
42:14that makes me so happy to hear that we're on the same page
42:18if I don't hear from you or we don't have a chance to talk
42:22I'm sending a hug your way
42:24me as well
42:25take care
42:26bye Alex
42:27bye
42:44how are you feeling right now?
42:54oh no
42:55I mean
42:58a little hurt
43:05I opened up to her
43:06I told her
43:07that I live at home with my parents still
43:10and that I was still a virgin
43:12it's like
43:13is that the real issue?
43:16you just don't want to come out and say it and be rude about it?
43:19like is it me?
43:20like
43:22am I doing something wrong?
43:28it's been like 10 plus years since I had a date
43:32and like I finally get the courage enough to
43:36find somebody
43:37make that connection
43:39and then get friendzone
43:41like it makes me not want to
43:45makes me not want to try
43:47because like what's the point?
43:48next time I do
43:49next time this same situation happen
43:50who knows
43:51hey I'll be friends
43:52I'll be friends
43:53ugh
44:00welcome to Updating
44:03give it up for Deanne
44:06Deanne
44:08what brings you here?
44:09I don't know
44:10I've just been single my whole life
44:11oh so
44:12have you ever
44:14uh
44:15I need to leave this stage right now
44:17no
44:19how old are you?
44:2035
44:22I want you to practice increasing your intimacy
44:27not just with partners but also your friends
44:31I'm going to
44:33um
44:34a special resort
44:36what's a special resort?
44:38it's a
44:39adult resort
44:41what I think happens at adult resorts is everybody just having sex with everyone
44:45we are here
44:47I'm ready
44:48I am going to be bold and see what happens
44:52kiss me William
44:53I feel like she kind of friendzoned me
44:57then she friendzoned you
44:58okay
44:59next one's out there
45:01I gotta learn from my mistakes
45:02I will keep trying
45:04I'm just really
45:05she just texted me
45:06oh good
45:07I feel like losing your virginity
45:08is supposed to be a connection
45:10I want to experience that
45:12I mean it's not an easy thing to accomplish
45:14she's here
45:16what does he want me to say?
45:17like I have values and virtues
45:19he's just trying to understand
45:21and maybe give you a different perspective
45:23it is hard to imagine myself in any other way
45:26but if I were to quit
45:27I would wonder
45:28what could have happened
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