- 7/1/2025
Comedian Alex Thomas doesn't pull any punches in this no-holds-barred comedy special that mixes old school style with new school flavor.
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup
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00:02:31And if y'all don't know, this is the hottest new comedy DVD series that's about to go
00:02:36down.
00:02:36You got Alex Thomas, you got Rodney Perry, you got Teddy Copper, and your boy too, the
00:02:40blind dine himself, Lil Rel.
00:02:42It's about to go down.
00:02:43Push those frames up.
00:02:44They're here for me.
00:02:48King Kong, I got nothing on me.
00:02:56What? What? What? What's the words?
00:03:03That's what I do. So, kick back and enjoy.
00:03:07Boy, man.
00:03:09Stop the music. Stop, stop, stop, stop the music.
00:03:12Living life like it's no tomorrow.
00:03:17Jim Jones can say anything, and that shit sound good, huh?
00:03:21That's just his voice.
00:03:22You know, turn that back on. Turn that back on, dawg.
00:03:23He can just say anything.
00:03:26Yeah, check it out.
00:03:28This is one of my people's to like having something in the morning in their stomachs.
00:03:33Check it out, and it goes like this.
00:03:36Eggs and toast and bacon.
00:03:40We eating breakfast.
00:03:45Stop the music. Stop the music. Stop.
00:03:48He can say anything, and it sound good.
00:03:51Hey, turn that back on, dawg. Turn that back on.
00:03:54Yeah, yeah. Turn that back on, son. Turn that back on.
00:03:56This is Jones. Check it out.
00:03:58This is how he talks. Harlem world, baby.
00:04:00Yeah.
00:04:01Just give me a beat, son.
00:04:03I'ma just do that shit anyway.
00:04:05Yes.
00:04:06This goes out to all my people that like indoor sports.
00:04:09It goes like this, son.
00:04:11It goes like this, son.
00:04:12I think y'all know the words.
00:04:13Check it. Check it. Check it.
00:04:15Oh.
00:04:15We roll strikes and spears.
00:04:19We going bowling.
00:04:25Stop the music. Stop the music.
00:04:27What's going down, Alabama?
00:04:28I didn't hear you.
00:04:33I said, what's going down, Alabama?
00:04:40I got some crazy memories of Alabama.
00:04:43All I know is they took me last year.
00:04:45I was here last summer and they took me to the most ghetto-ass strip club I have ever been to in my life.
00:04:57What's the name of the real ghetto strip club here?
00:05:00The name?
00:05:01Mike's.
00:05:02All I know, they took me in the mics and I'm sitting here.
00:05:14The first girl I see looked like she had the baby earlier that afternoon.
00:05:22Like she just got out of labor and hit the pole.
00:05:27Umbilical cord was hanging.
00:05:28And they like give it up for placentia.
00:05:51Oh, my God.
00:05:53It was cool, though.
00:05:54It was cool.
00:05:54It was cool.
00:05:55God, there's nothing but women up in here.
00:05:57And all the ladies make some noise.
00:05:59Where the ladies are?
00:06:03I love coming to the South because I'll be hearing some of the most ignorant things I have ever heard in my life.
00:06:09I swear to God.
00:06:10I'm in the airport.
00:06:12Let me just ask you something.
00:06:13Have you ever heard somebody say something so ignorant?
00:06:17For the white people to hear, that's ignorant.
00:06:20But black folks say ignorant.
00:06:21Have you ever heard something so ignorant?
00:06:24All you can say is, wow.
00:06:29This girl comes up to me in the airport.
00:06:31No lie.
00:06:32She goes, excuse me.
00:06:32Oh, my God.
00:06:33I love you.
00:06:33I'll be watching you on the Demi Fox show all the time.
00:06:36I love the Demi Fox show.
00:06:37Can I told you a question?
00:06:42Well, excuse me, sweetie.
00:06:43What did you just say?
00:06:44I said, can I told you a question?
00:06:47I was like, wow.
00:06:51Who learned you how to smoke?
00:06:55What is your name?
00:06:57She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:01Okay, so are you from here?
00:07:02Okay, you got a pen?
00:07:03I'm like, bitch, what the?
00:07:04What are you hearing?
00:07:13Black folks, I'm just letting you know right now, anytime I sign autographs, I always ask,
00:07:19how do you spell it?
00:07:21Because black folks, we're the only people in the world that got to be different and do
00:07:24ignorant shit with our names.
00:07:26Okay, am I right, black folks?
00:07:29We're the only ones that do this.
00:07:30Girls come up to me and say, oh, my God, can I get your autograph?
00:07:33I really love it.
00:07:33I'm like, cool, no problem.
00:07:34What is your name?
00:07:35She's like, Kim.
00:07:36I'm like, how you spell that, Kim?
00:07:39Kim's like, you don't know how to spell Kim?
00:07:41I'm like, you know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about.
00:07:44She's like, you are so stupid.
00:07:48K-I apostrophe M hyphen three.
00:07:56How the hell you get a number in your name?
00:08:00You know, only black folks.
00:08:02Why we got to do that?
00:08:03The white name's got to be with Ty and La, La Kasia, Ty Francia, all that.
00:08:08You do not see that with white people.
00:08:10You don't see La Amy.
00:08:13Kachin.
00:08:15You don't hear that kind of shit, you know?
00:08:17I got a question real quick.
00:08:19Everybody in here, if you've had somebody come up to you in the last week or two that either is a rapper, trying to be a rapper, or somebody gave you a CD out and said they're the hottest thing on the planet.
00:08:31Clap your hands.
00:08:31Clap your hands.
00:08:34Okay, cool.
00:08:35So I'm not the only one.
00:08:36I'm not the only one.
00:08:37Well, I'm going to just let you all know right now.
00:08:38I get it 15 times more than all y'all.
00:08:42Because I get these cats that come up to me.
00:08:44They see me on TV, so they think Jamie Foxx is my best friend.
00:08:47They see me in the Players Club with Ice Cube.
00:08:49They think he's my neighbor.
00:08:50You know what I mean?
00:08:51They think they see me in the Kanye West video, so they think Kanye is my people.
00:08:55So I get dudes that come up to me, just give me their CD.
00:08:57Like, hey, dawg, I'm telling you right now, I'm hotter than 50, son.
00:09:00I'm 56 cent, bro.
00:09:03I'm killing 50.
00:09:04You need to get that to Drake.
00:09:05I'm killing them down here, dawg.
00:09:07Very rarely do I ever take CDs just because, you know, I'm not in the music business.
00:09:11You know what I mean?
00:09:12But I try to, you know, check brothers out.
00:09:13So this one dude came up to me, he's like, hey, check my shit out.
00:09:16So I look at the CD.
00:09:18I'm like, okay, cool.
00:09:21What is your name?
00:09:22He's like, oh, my name is Lamangelo.
00:09:28Lamangelo.
00:09:29How do you spell that?
00:09:30He's like, oh, L-E-M-O-N-J-E-L-L-O.
00:09:37I'm like, fool, that's Lemon Jell-O.
00:09:42That's the most ghetto shit I've ever heard in my life.
00:09:45I'm like, who's this, your boy, Orangelo?
00:09:48Y'all with Jell-O records?
00:09:49I hear ignorance everywhere I go.
00:09:55I've been doing comedy for about 10 years now, you know, so it's been pretty cool out there.
00:09:59Oh, thank you.
00:10:00Thank you very much.
00:10:01Yeah.
00:10:02I just got a new agent back home in L.A.
00:10:06New agent, right?
00:10:07I got the wildest offer I've ever got in my life.
00:10:11This new agent, I signed with him, like, last Tuesday.
00:10:15Agent calls me up and goes, Alex, they want you to do a photo shoot.
00:10:20Playgirl magazine is doing a layout on the up-and-coming young black comedians.
00:10:24And these fools wanted me to pose naked in June article of Playgirl magazine.
00:10:32Now, now, fuck that.
00:10:34I'm from the hood.
00:10:36How the hell am I supposed to explain that to the homies?
00:10:39They talk about they'll give me $75,000 for a two-hour photo shoot.
00:10:44I was like, motherfucker, cheese.
00:10:48Cheese.
00:10:48Cheese.
00:10:48Cheese.
00:10:48Cheese.
00:10:49Cheese.
00:10:50Cheese.
00:10:51Cheese.
00:10:51Cheese.
00:10:51Cheese.
00:10:51Cheese.
00:10:54I'll be honest with you.
00:11:12I'll be honest with you.
00:11:13I'm going to be honest with you.
00:11:14Part of being a comic, you got to tell the truth.
00:11:16And I didn't.
00:11:17I did not.
00:11:18Ladies, I didn't do the layout.
00:11:20I didn't do the layout because, you know, I got a little problem and stuff.
00:11:26And I'm not afraid to let y'all know.
00:11:28I just, you know, I don't have a big dick.
00:11:33You know what I'm saying?
00:11:34You know, big dicks just don't run in my family.
00:11:36You feel me?
00:11:37You know what I'm saying?
00:11:38Where my little dick dudes at?
00:11:39Little dick dudes, where you at?
00:11:43Man, fuck all you motherfuckers.
00:11:45I seen you at the meetings, homie.
00:11:47Don't try to act like I'm the...
00:11:50See, my grandfather always told me, if you can't hit the bottom, knock the fuck out the sides.
00:11:56So most people be hitting like this?
00:11:58No, in my family, we all up in here.
00:12:01You like that on your sides?
00:12:04I'm going to tear your sides up.
00:12:06Do you feel that on your sides?
00:12:09I'm going to tear your sides up.
00:12:17Oh, my God.
00:12:23It's cool, though, man.
00:12:24Every time I come to the South, it is just off the chain.
00:12:28I see my brother right there.
00:12:29What's up, dog?
00:12:30My man with the fitted cap.
00:12:32Fitted cap.
00:12:33I see where all my fellas who wear fitteds in here.
00:12:34Fitted caps, where you at?
00:12:36Wear lids and everything.
00:12:37Okay.
00:12:38You know your fitted size?
00:12:40Yeah.
00:12:40What?
00:12:41Seven and a half.
00:12:42Okay, I'm a seven and a half.
00:12:43That's average, right?
00:12:44Dog.
00:12:45I'm in lids the other day, and I see a dude getting a hat, and he's an eight.
00:12:50This fool's an eight hat.
00:12:53I was like, wow.
00:12:56Do you know the answers to everything?
00:12:59You've got a lot on your mind.
00:13:02If you're rocking an eight-fitted, dog, you need a chin strap.
00:13:05A chin strap's got to come with that.
00:13:08An eight-fitted?
00:13:09An eight-fitted?
00:13:11Dog, that's a helmet.
00:13:12They just need to spray paint coats on the side of your head.
00:13:19Where are my sports fans at?
00:13:20We got sports fans in the house.
00:13:21Make some noise.
00:13:23I didn't hear you.
00:13:23I said, do we have sports fans in the house?
00:13:28I'm going to test the sports fans.
00:13:29We got any basketball fans in the house?
00:13:31Make some noise.
00:13:34I'm going to test the basketball, and I'm a serious, serious sports fanatic.
00:13:38You know what I mean?
00:13:38I go back to, like, I was looking at a story, you know, Will Chamberlain.
00:13:42Anybody remember Will Chamberlain?
00:13:43You heard about his story, right?
00:13:45He said, 25,000 women.
00:13:48This fool had sex with 25,000 women.
00:13:51That's a lot of pussy.
00:13:54I don't think I've ever met 25,000 women in my life.
00:13:58If you had sex with 25,000 women, you had to be fucking immediately.
00:14:02Like, right after the handshake.
00:14:06How you doing?
00:14:06I'm Will Chamberlain.
00:14:11How you doing?
00:14:12I'm Will.
00:14:16Hey, what's that?
00:14:20If you had sex with 25,000 women, there's no way in the world you'd know all their names.
00:14:26They have to literally just become a number to you.
00:14:29Think about it.
00:14:29You'd be like, oh, damn, 1632.
00:14:32I'm going to tear your ass up, Six.
00:14:36Wait your turn, 12.
00:14:40I'm a big sports fan.
00:14:42Clap if you miss watching Michael Jordan play basketball.
00:14:49Clap if you agree Michael Jordan was the coldest dude to ever touch a basketball.
00:14:55Let me tell you how much I know Michael Jordan's a cold motherfucker.
00:14:59He's the only guy I know who's retired and we are still buying his shoes.
00:15:06Am I right?
00:15:07I got some more right now.
00:15:08Clap if you ever had a pair of Jordans in your life.
00:15:11I didn't see one dude walking here with some Larry Bird Converse on.
00:15:18Do you remember when Jordans first came out?
00:15:21Clap if you remember how old you were with the first pair of Jordans.
00:15:24I'll never forget it.
00:15:26I asked my mother, I'm like, mama, can I get some Jordans?
00:15:29She's like, how much are the Jordans?
00:15:31I was like, $125.
00:15:35My mother was like, ah!
00:15:40You should be a comedian.
00:15:41Can we make some payments on these Jordans?
00:15:47Okay, will you be playing on the team?
00:15:49Does the ball come with the shoes?
00:15:52You imagine if you could make payments?
00:15:54You'd be at school the next day.
00:15:55Damn, them Jordans are tight.
00:15:57Yeah, my mama say, two more payments, I'm going to get the left one.
00:16:03I'm going to test your basketball knowledge.
00:16:05How many people remember the first basketball shoes?
00:16:07What were the OG basketball shoes?
00:16:11Canvas Chuck Taylor Converse.
00:16:14Can you imagine Shaquille O'Neal playing in some Chuck Taylor Converse?
00:16:21That's like balling in your socks.
00:16:23You could break an ankle having a conversation in some Chucks.
00:16:27You'd be here, so we was at the mall and shit, right?
00:16:32I need to get some Jordans.
00:16:33See, I'm really in the fashion of sports.
00:16:39I'm in the fashion of sports.
00:16:40Like, I might take it a step further.
00:16:42How many people in here remember the way basketball players used to dress in the 70s and the 80s?
00:16:48Do you remember that?
00:16:49In the 80s, they used to ball in panties.
00:16:53I'm going to tell you right now, I got a poster at the crib right now.
00:16:561979, Dr. J is dunking on Magic Johnson like this.
00:17:03One ball hanging out the bottom of his shorts.
00:17:14You see Magic like this.
00:17:16I'll be honest with you, though.
00:17:26I'll be honest with you.
00:17:27You know who I think the coldest dude right now is?
00:17:29I love him.
00:17:30I'll be honest with you.
00:17:31LeBron James.
00:17:31I think LeBron James.
00:17:32How many people like LeBron?
00:17:35And I'm going to tell you why I like LeBron.
00:17:37I'm going to tell you why I like LeBron.
00:17:38He's doing his thing.
00:17:39He has to be the only dude that literally went from high school to the pros and was successful immediately.
00:17:46Am I right?
00:17:48Do you guys know how hard it is to go from high school to the pros and be balling?
00:17:55Do you understand?
00:17:56I know dudes.
00:17:57Clap if you feel me.
00:17:59I know dudes that went to five years of college and still ended up playing overseas.
00:18:04They're over there balling for the Pakistan Pacers.
00:18:10They're playing on the Baghdad Suns.
00:18:15How was the game, dawg?
00:18:16How was the bomb?
00:18:17It was the bomb?
00:18:17No, there was a bomb at the game.
00:18:2020 people got killed.
00:18:24It was crazy.
00:18:27I'm a serious sports fan.
00:18:28Like I said, I collect kicks.
00:18:30You know, I got Jordans on.
00:18:31I collect kicks.
00:18:32Any fellas in here collect kicks?
00:18:33Ones, whatever.
00:18:34You collect kicks?
00:18:36You know what?
00:18:37I'm going to be honest.
00:18:38Think about it.
00:18:38LeBron?
00:18:39Remember, he had a deal on shoes before he even went to the pros.
00:18:44Do you remember that?
00:18:45He already had a deal.
00:18:48I mean, when you think about it, that dude was killing them in high school.
00:18:50I knew he was special when they started televising his high school games.
00:18:55Do you all remember that?
00:18:56They were televising his games.
00:18:58I'm like, who's the dude with the beard?
00:19:00They got their coach out there playing.
00:19:04Somebody's daddy's out there playing.
00:19:07That's when I knew he was special.
00:19:09Because I swear to God, one game, he must have played every single position.
00:19:12He played, you know, point guard.
00:19:15He played forward.
00:19:15I think he even coached that game.
00:19:18They went over to the bench, and he was like, all right, huddle up, huddle up, huddle up.
00:19:22Okay, here's what we're going to do.
00:19:23Okay, I'm going to take the ball out.
00:19:25I'm going to pass it to myself.
00:19:27I'm going to run down the court, and then I'm going to score.
00:19:29Okay?
00:19:29LeBron on three.
00:19:30One, two, three.
00:19:31LeBron!
00:19:37Not everybody can say they had a deal that quick.
00:19:39You know who wishes he had a dope shoe deal?
00:19:42Master P.
00:19:43Not everybody can have a shoe.
00:19:47Have you seen Master P's shoes?
00:19:50Okay, there's only two people in the world that rock Master P's shoes.
00:19:54And that's Master P and his son, Little Romeo.
00:19:59I wanted to give Master P the benefit of the doubt, dude.
00:20:03You know, I get vibe every month.
00:20:04I get source.
00:20:05You know what I mean?
00:20:06I get double XL.
00:20:07And I always see his shoes.
00:20:08And I said, let me go to the mall and see what this dude's shoes are like.
00:20:12So I go in the foot locker.
00:20:13I'm like, y'all got Master P's?
00:20:15They're like, oh, no, no.
00:20:16We ain't got no Master P's.
00:20:18You might want to try foot action.
00:20:21I go to foot action.
00:20:22I'm like, y'all got Master P's?
00:20:23They're like, ooh, wow.
00:20:25You might have to try champs.
00:20:28You know, I go to champs.
00:20:29I'm like, champs, y'all got Master P's?
00:20:31And they're like, ooh, you might want to go to athlete's foot for those.
00:20:35I go to athlete's foot.
00:20:36I could not find Master P's shoes anywhere.
00:20:39Everybody in here, guess right now where I found Master P's tennis shoes.
00:20:48Rite Aid.
00:20:55I bought condoms, some dub soap, and some Master P's.
00:21:00For $8.
00:21:01That's a damn shame.
00:21:06That is a damn shame.
00:21:11I'm so happy.
00:21:12We got to really, really give a big round of applause for some black folks that won the Oscar.
00:21:17You got to give it up.
00:21:17Jennifer Hudson and also Forrest Whitaker.
00:21:21No, I should be a little louder.
00:21:22Black folks are making some progress.
00:21:24You know, because, I mean, it's not like we get that all the time.
00:21:31Am I right?
00:21:31I was so happy with Forrest, the last king of Scotland.
00:21:34Did any black folks in here see that?
00:21:36Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:21:39I'm going to tell you right now, I've been to Scotland.
00:21:41I went to Scotland twice to golf.
00:21:44And I'm going to just let you right now, there's two reasons a black man could not live in Scotland.
00:21:48In Scotland, ain't no chicken spots and no black hair care products.
00:21:53You can't find a two-piece and a biscuit and a wave cap nowhere in Scotland.
00:21:59My boy asked me, he was like, yo, so how are the chicks?
00:22:02How are the chicks in Scotland?
00:22:04I was like, dude, the finest girl in Scotland looked like Peter Brady.
00:22:10They got, like, real white people out there.
00:22:14And they got real black people out there.
00:22:17Like, the white people that are here, like, you might look like Wesley Snipes compared to the white people in Scotland.
00:22:24I'm talking, like, no sunlight white.
00:22:27You know, like liquid paper white.
00:22:31And black folks, let me tell you, they got, like, Africans over there.
00:22:35Like, a shade of black that we've never seen before.
00:22:40Like, I saw a nigga so black, I was like, can I take a picture with you?
00:22:43So, my people back home, that they're really light-skinned?
00:22:50Oh, my God.
00:22:51Like, I'm talking, like, purple.
00:22:54Half past midnight.
00:22:55Step into the light, black.
00:23:00Cold steel, black.
00:23:01It's fun, though, man.
00:23:04You got to travel.
00:23:05You got to travel.
00:23:06You know what I'm saying?
00:23:06Oh, yeah.
00:23:08That's what I'm talking about.
00:23:13Kool-Aid in a wine glass.
00:23:16With my Kool-Aid people.
00:23:17Black folks, don't you try to act like...
00:23:20Clap if you grew up on Kool-Aid.
00:23:22Don't you leave me out there.
00:23:25Kool-Aid does not get the props.
00:23:28It deserves.
00:23:32Think about it.
00:23:33Kool-Aid was way...
00:23:33It's an OG drink.
00:23:34Am I right, black folks?
00:23:35It was before Gatorade.
00:23:38It was before Dr. Pepper.
00:23:40It was before Pepsi.
00:23:43You know what I mean?
00:23:43In fact, I'm going to be honest with you.
00:23:44I think Kool-Aid is bigger than McDonald's.
00:23:48You see McDonald's over a billion served.
00:23:50How about over a trillion cups poured?
00:23:52I know y'all don't know this,
00:23:56but I did my homework,
00:23:58and y'all can act like you don't believe me.
00:24:00How many people know that a black man invented Kool-Aid?
00:24:03You didn't know that?
00:24:05Brother by the name of Nate Kool-Aid.
00:24:10Nate Kool-Aid.
00:24:12He was a slave,
00:24:14and what had happened was...
00:24:16He invented Kool-Aid to hydrate the other slaves.
00:24:22Like, this is a true story.
00:24:24I saw, like, the video and everything.
00:24:28He was out there picking,
00:24:29and it was real hot,
00:24:30and his boy was like,
00:24:31Hey, Kool-Aid!
00:24:32He was like,
00:24:33Oh, yeah.
00:24:36So that's how, you know,
00:24:37Kool-Aid was, you know, came around.
00:24:40Come on, black folks.
00:24:41Don't try to act like you didn't know
00:24:42that Kool-Aid was invented by a black man.
00:24:44You know what the dead giveaway was?
00:24:46The way it's spelled.
00:24:48Kool-Aid with a K.
00:24:51K-O-O-L hyphen A-I-D.
00:24:55Tell me that's not some nigga shit.
00:25:01I'm just, you know who I'm really upset with right now?
00:25:03I'm really upset with Bob Johnson.
00:25:06You guys know who Bob Johnson is?
00:25:08Owner of BET,
00:25:09and he also owns,
00:25:10he's like the only black owner
00:25:12of a professional franchise,
00:25:14the Charlotte Bobcats.
00:25:16He could really be hooking Kool-Aid up right now.
00:25:18You know, I'm gonna explain how.
00:25:19You notice all the major stadiums now
00:25:22are named after the product.
00:25:24Denver Nuggets,
00:25:25they play at the Pepsi Center.
00:25:27Right?
00:25:28Houston Astros,
00:25:29they play at Minute Maid Field.
00:25:32The Lakers, they play at the Staples Center.
00:25:35I'm real pissed off with Bob Johnson right now
00:25:38because he can hook Kool-Aid up.
00:25:39I can just see it right now.
00:25:41Live from the Kool-Aid Center,
00:25:45your Charlotte Bobcats
00:25:46versus the Philadelphia 76ers.
00:25:49have nothing but black sponsors.
00:25:52Today's game is brought to you by
00:25:54Hypnotic,
00:25:56Alize,
00:25:57Popeye's Chicken,
00:25:59Magnum Condoms,
00:26:01Raid,
00:26:02So-So Deaf Records
00:26:10and
00:26:10ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch
00:26:12you nut.
00:26:15He could hook that up, man.
00:26:16Just hook up brothers.
00:26:17You know what I mean?
00:26:18You know,
00:26:19have Nate Dogg
00:26:19sing the national anthem.
00:26:23He just come out,
00:26:24Hey, hey, hey, hey,
00:26:28Kool-Aid every day.
00:26:38Y'all are silly.
00:26:40Yes, sir.
00:26:41So like I said,
00:26:42I'm a big sports fan.
00:26:43I'm a big sports fan.
00:26:45But more than anything,
00:26:46I'm gonna tell you right now,
00:26:48I love hip-hop.
00:26:49If you love hip-hop,
00:26:51make some noise.
00:26:51I didn't hear you.
00:26:54I said if you love hip-hop,
00:26:56make some noise.
00:27:00Do we have any old school
00:27:01people in the house
00:27:03that love hip-hop?
00:27:06Clap if you agree.
00:27:09Hip-hop is at an all-time
00:27:11ignorant ass high.
00:27:16Is it not the most ignorant
00:27:19you've ever heard in your life?
00:27:20Oh, my God.
00:27:23I swear to God,
00:27:24you cannot tell me
00:27:25that half these fools
00:27:27went past sixth grade.
00:27:29When I first heard
00:27:30chicken noodle soup,
00:27:32chicken noodle soup,
00:27:34chicken noodle soup
00:27:35with a soda on the side.
00:27:36Chicken noodle soup,
00:27:38chicken noodle soup,
00:27:40chicken noodle soup.
00:27:42What the hell is next?
00:27:44Macaroni cheese,
00:27:46macaroni cheese,
00:27:47macaroni cheese
00:27:48with a Kool-Aid
00:27:49with a Kool-Aid
00:27:49on the side.
00:27:52Hip-hop
00:27:53is at an all-time
00:27:55ignorant ass high.
00:27:58You agree?
00:27:59Can I get an amen?
00:28:00Amen.
00:28:01Speaking of amen,
00:28:02we got any church folks
00:28:03in the house?
00:28:04Church folks in the house?
00:28:05We got any Christians
00:28:06in the house?
00:28:07Let the church say amen.
00:28:09Let the church say hallelujah.
00:28:11Hallelujah.
00:28:12Kirk Franklin
00:28:13is a contradictory ass.
00:28:15I swear to God,
00:28:18I'm not lying.
00:28:20This fool cussed in concert.
00:28:23I went to a Kirk Franklin
00:28:24concert in Dallas.
00:28:26He cussed
00:28:27in front of a bunch
00:28:28of Christians.
00:28:29It was the funniest thing
00:28:31I've ever seen
00:28:31in my life.
00:28:33He really had a flash
00:28:34of hip-hop.
00:28:35He forgot.
00:28:35He thought he was
00:28:36at the Wu-Tang concert.
00:28:38I mean,
00:28:38just go along with it.
00:28:39This is him.
00:28:39GP,
00:28:40are you with me?
00:28:41He was like,
00:28:48put your motherfucking hands up.
00:28:50Put your motherfucking hands up.
00:29:00This fool's going to hell
00:29:02tomorrow morning.
00:29:04He's on the 8.30 hell bus.
00:29:06Hip-hop
00:29:14is at an all-time
00:29:16ignorant ass high.
00:29:17I don't care
00:29:17what anybody says.
00:29:19You cannot tell me
00:29:20that these fools
00:29:21went past sixth grade.
00:29:22You cannot tell me
00:29:24that the yin-yang twins
00:29:26went past sixth grade.
00:29:29Dude,
00:29:29when I first heard
00:29:30these dudes,
00:29:31I was like,
00:29:31they're retarded.
00:29:33When I first turned
00:29:36on the TV
00:29:37and I heard,
00:29:38walk by myself,
00:29:39talk by myself,
00:29:40walk by myself,
00:29:41talk by myself,
00:29:42for real,
00:29:44for real.
00:29:51I'm looking at
00:29:52the white guy
00:29:52on MTV
00:29:53and he was doing
00:29:54an interview
00:29:55with these guys
00:29:56even when they talk
00:29:57slow they're retarded.
00:29:58He's like,
00:29:59so how long
00:29:59you guys been rapping?
00:30:00He's like,
00:30:01we been doing
00:30:02for so loud.
00:30:03Ehhh!
00:30:05The white guy's like,
00:30:06great, um,
00:30:08we're gonna go
00:30:09to commercial
00:30:09and try to figure out
00:30:10what the hell
00:30:11you just said.
00:30:13Take it away.
00:30:16Ehhh!
00:30:21It's an all-time
00:30:22ignorant ass high,
00:30:23am I right?
00:30:24You cannot tell me
00:30:26that young jock
00:30:28went past sixth grade.
00:30:30dog,
00:30:31when you first
00:30:32saw that video,
00:30:34when you turned
00:30:34on the TV
00:30:35at three o'clock
00:30:36in the morning
00:30:37and heard,
00:30:37ain't it,
00:30:38mean it,
00:30:39man,
00:30:39mo,
00:30:40how many,
00:30:41big,
00:30:42want to test off?
00:30:43I know
00:30:44you see it,
00:30:46I know
00:30:47you see it,
00:30:49it's a,
00:30:49ain't it,
00:30:50mean it,
00:30:51man,
00:30:51mo,
00:30:52how many,
00:30:53want to test off?
00:30:54I know
00:30:55you see it,
00:30:57I know
00:30:58you see it,
00:31:00I was like,
00:31:00okay,
00:31:01yeah,
00:31:01I see it,
00:31:02you're retarded,
00:31:04and,
00:31:05uh,
00:31:06and I met
00:31:09his cousin,
00:31:10I met his cousin
00:31:11in the airport
00:31:12and I was like,
00:31:13has he always
00:31:14been like this?
00:31:15His cousin's like,
00:31:16he been like that
00:31:17his whole life
00:31:19and been here
00:31:20whole years old.
00:31:22I was like,
00:31:22okay,
00:31:23Forrest Gump,
00:31:24um,
00:31:26see it runs
00:31:26in the family.
00:31:28I was like,
00:31:29dude,
00:31:29can you imagine
00:31:30young jock
00:31:32rapping
00:31:32at four years old?
00:31:35A,
00:31:36took the B,
00:31:38then after that
00:31:39motherfucker
00:31:39come C.
00:31:43Everybody love me,
00:31:45D to the E.
00:31:47I'm so fly,
00:31:48element of P.
00:31:49in the sand trap,
00:31:54going down,
00:31:55in the mall.
00:31:56I mean,
00:32:16all that is,
00:32:16is nursery rhymes.
00:32:18Am I,
00:32:19is that brilliant?
00:32:20That's nursery rhymes.
00:32:21I mean,
00:32:21what,
00:32:21what's,
00:32:22what's next?
00:32:23You know,
00:32:23Humpty Dumpty
00:32:24sat on the wall.
00:32:26Humpty Dumpty
00:32:27had a great fight.
00:32:28I know you see it.
00:32:31I know you see it.
00:32:33Everybody.
00:32:34Humpty Dumpty
00:32:35shout on the wall.
00:32:37Humpty Dumpty
00:32:38had a great fight.
00:32:39I know you see it.
00:32:41Where's my lady at?
00:32:51Humpty Dumpty
00:32:55hip hop.
00:33:00It's just got,
00:33:00it's just,
00:33:01I call it like I see it.
00:33:02You know what I mean?
00:33:03And I'm going to be
00:33:03real honest with you.
00:33:05I don't even know
00:33:05if y'all ready for this.
00:33:06I know I'm getting old
00:33:12because half the shit
00:33:15out there right now,
00:33:18clap if you don't have
00:33:19a fucking clue
00:33:20what they're saying.
00:33:24I have no clue
00:33:27like your boy
00:33:28from down there.
00:33:30This boy,
00:33:31I'm black.
00:33:32Come some,
00:33:32I'm black.
00:33:33Come,
00:33:33I'm black.
00:33:34Just about to care
00:33:35of that.
00:33:36Throw some D's
00:33:37on that bitch.
00:33:39Throw some D's
00:33:40on that bitch.
00:33:42Some of that
00:33:42little of that.
00:33:43Home of that
00:33:44little of that.
00:33:45Home of that.
00:33:45Saddle of that.
00:33:46Just about to care of that.
00:33:49Just about to care of that.
00:33:52Y'all know
00:33:52what the fuck
00:33:53I'm talking about.
00:33:57I didn't know
00:33:58what he was saying
00:33:58until I got to the hook.
00:34:00Hey, but be honest.
00:34:01Black folks,
00:34:01be honest.
00:34:03You ever hear rap songs
00:34:04and you don't know
00:34:05what they say,
00:34:05but you just be
00:34:06making up
00:34:07your own words?
00:34:13I made my own
00:34:14nigga in the shower.
00:34:15I am triple platinum.
00:34:17I be in the shower.
00:34:18Rich boy selling crap.
00:34:20Used to play quarterback.
00:34:21Living on the cul-de-sac.
00:34:23Just smoked a Cadillac.
00:34:24Throw some D's
00:34:25on that bitch.
00:34:27Throw some D's
00:34:28on it.
00:34:28Hip-hop is at an all-time
00:34:35ignit
00:34:36ass high.
00:34:37I don't care what
00:34:38anybody says.
00:34:39I don't care what
00:34:39anybody says.
00:34:40It's definitely changed.
00:34:42I'm going to be honest
00:34:43with you.
00:34:44I think that the thug
00:34:46stuff has gone too far.
00:34:48Clap if you agree.
00:34:49The thug
00:34:49is just,
00:34:51everybody's a thug.
00:34:51Everybody's killed somebody.
00:34:53I think it's gone too far.
00:34:56You know what I'm saying?
00:34:57I got a buddy
00:34:58that works at
00:34:59Interscope Records.
00:35:00For the people that don't know,
00:35:01Interscope Records
00:35:02is like,
00:35:02you know,
00:35:0250 Cent,
00:35:03Eminem,
00:35:04Dr. Dre.
00:35:05Yeah,
00:35:05you know what I'm saying?
00:35:06The crazy thing about it is,
00:35:08y'all don't know this,
00:35:09but on the back of every CD,
00:35:11there's an actual phone number
00:35:13to the record label.
00:35:14So all the thugs
00:35:16and gangsters around America
00:35:18are looking at the back of the CD
00:35:20and leaving ghetto gangster messages
00:35:22on the Interscope answer machine.
00:35:25My boy's like,
00:35:26dog,
00:35:27you have to hear this.
00:35:28It's the funniest shit in the world
00:35:30to hear these thugs
00:35:31leaving messages.
00:35:32Like,
00:35:33what up, y'all?
00:35:34This is Interscope Records.
00:35:35Not in right now.
00:35:37Leave your rap name,
00:35:38who you are,
00:35:39where you from.
00:35:40We'll get back to you ASAP.
00:35:42First two calls
00:35:43from New York.
00:35:43What up, son?
00:35:45I'm telling you right now,
00:35:46I'm killing them up here
00:35:47in New York, son.
00:35:48I'm telling you, son,
00:35:4950 only been shot nine times, son.
00:35:52I done been shot 15 times, dog.
00:35:54I done shit shot either.
00:35:56I done died and came back.
00:35:57Holler at your boy.
00:36:05That's nothing.
00:36:05They had this dude
00:36:06call from the South.
00:36:08He was like,
00:36:08what up, daddy?
00:36:11Holler.
00:36:11Tell you I'm the hottest
00:36:13going down and
00:36:14pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
00:36:17Nigga, I'm getting shot right now.
00:36:25Holler back quick.
00:36:26So I'm going to address
00:36:39something real quick.
00:36:41I'm going to address
00:36:42something real quick.
00:36:43I know y'all all know
00:36:44about what happened
00:36:45with the Michael Richards
00:36:46situation and the N-word
00:36:47and all that, right?
00:36:49So they, you know,
00:36:50they try to tell us
00:36:50certain comedy clubs,
00:36:51brothers can't say
00:36:52the word no more,
00:36:53but I got something
00:36:54to say about that.
00:36:55Do you want to hear
00:36:56what I got to say
00:36:56about that?
00:36:57Okay, first of all,
00:36:59this guy came up to me
00:37:00and said,
00:37:01the white guy,
00:37:01because he was like,
00:37:02so do you still
00:37:04say the N-word?
00:37:05I was like,
00:37:05nigga, yeah.
00:37:07Yes, I do, nigga.
00:37:11And I'm going to explain
00:37:12what's going on
00:37:12with the joke.
00:37:13The bottom line is,
00:37:14every black man
00:37:15in here right now
00:37:16between 18 and 35
00:37:17clap.
00:37:18Between 18 and 35.
00:37:20So brothers understand,
00:37:24we use that term
00:37:25as a term of endearment.
00:37:27Am I right, brothers?
00:37:28Hop on the phone like,
00:37:29what's your name, dog,
00:37:30right here?
00:37:31Huh?
00:37:32Scoop, scoop.
00:37:33Say me and you
00:37:33are on the phone, right?
00:37:35In 15 minutes,
00:37:36we might say nigga
00:37:3620 times.
00:37:37Am I right?
00:37:38Am I right, brothers?
00:37:39Like, what up, nigga?
00:37:40Chillin', nigga.
00:37:40What y'all niggas doing?
00:37:42That's like our way
00:37:43of saying dude
00:37:44or man
00:37:46or bro.
00:37:48You know what I mean?
00:37:48Think about it.
00:37:49The word nigga
00:37:49can be used
00:37:50in so many different ways.
00:37:51Am I right, black folks?
00:37:53They'll be like,
00:37:53nigga, it's cold up in here.
00:37:56And you know
00:37:57that boy Scoop?
00:37:58That's my nigga.
00:38:00Right?
00:38:01You could be like,
00:38:01I could be like,
00:38:02yo, Scoop,
00:38:03I heard that girl Brazy
00:38:04gives good head.
00:38:05Is that true?
00:38:06He'd be like,
00:38:06nigga.
00:38:14Nigga?
00:38:14Am I right?
00:38:18It's all words.
00:38:20The word bitch.
00:38:22You could use the word bitch
00:38:23in so many different ways.
00:38:25Am I right?
00:38:26You could be like,
00:38:27it's cold up in this bitch.
00:38:29That's a bad bitch.
00:38:31You know what I mean?
00:38:31They'd be like,
00:38:31what's my favorite word, bitch?
00:38:35So many different ways, right?
00:38:36But I think
00:38:38the most used cuss word
00:38:41on the planet
00:38:41is the word shit.
00:38:43Clap if you said
00:38:46the word shit
00:38:46today,
00:38:47yesterday,
00:38:48this month.
00:38:51Do we not all say
00:38:53the word shit?
00:38:54Think about all the ways
00:38:56you can say shit.
00:39:00Shit,
00:39:00I forgot my keys.
00:39:02It's cold as shit
00:39:06up in here.
00:39:09I gotta take a shit.
00:39:14Here's some good shit.
00:39:15Man, I hear somebody outside.
00:39:30Hey, man, go check that shit out.
00:39:31Shit.
00:39:39Am I right?
00:39:41Toast to the Kool-Aid.
00:39:42Nate Kool-Aid.
00:39:45Nate Kool-Aid.
00:39:46Y'all always remember him.
00:39:49You know,
00:39:50somebody's gonna get
00:39:50on the internet tonight.
00:39:51Nate Kool-Aid.
00:39:54Hey, baby,
00:39:54I'm in here
00:39:55Googling Nate.
00:39:58Your brother's gonna be
00:39:58looking at the can
00:39:59with a Kool-Aid.
00:40:00Nate Kool-Aid.
00:40:02Nate Kool-Aid.
00:40:03Nate Kool-Aid.
00:40:03Oh, my God.
00:40:09So I was talking,
00:40:10I was talking about hip-hop.
00:40:12I was talking about hip-hop.
00:40:13You know,
00:40:14I just,
00:40:14I just think it's definitely
00:40:16at an all-time
00:40:18ignorant
00:40:19ass high.
00:40:20Am I right?
00:40:21Am I right, folks?
00:40:22What?
00:40:23You clap
00:40:24if you're 25 or older
00:40:25in the house.
00:40:2625 or older.
00:40:27I'm gonna take it
00:40:30a step further.
00:40:31Clap if you're 30
00:40:32and older.
00:40:32Make some noise.
00:40:36Oh, so we got
00:40:37the grown and sexy
00:40:37in here right now.
00:40:39So, fellas,
00:40:40back me up on this.
00:40:41This is how I know
00:40:42I'm getting old.
00:40:44I know I'm getting old
00:40:46because I miss
00:40:47slow jams.
00:40:49Fellas,
00:40:50do you remember
00:40:51slow jams
00:40:52at the club?
00:40:55That's when you got
00:40:56your grind on.
00:40:57You know,
00:40:57just play.
00:41:02Hell yeah,
00:41:13I just hit that.
00:41:16You got a cigarette,
00:41:17homie?
00:41:20Slow jams, man.
00:41:21That's how I know.
00:41:23You don't hear
00:41:23slow jams anymore.
00:41:25Remember when you went
00:41:25to the club
00:41:26and you heard
00:41:26this is what
00:41:28I do
00:41:29to get you
00:41:31in the
00:41:31I'm a good shit.
00:41:35Remember shit like
00:41:36shower
00:41:37me with
00:41:38I'm a good shit.
00:41:42That's back
00:41:43when they used
00:41:43to beat around
00:41:44the bush.
00:41:45Now these fools
00:41:46just beat the bush up.
00:41:49Why do you see
00:41:50my dick, bitch?
00:41:52Why do you see
00:41:52my dick, bitch?
00:41:54Why do you see
00:41:55my dick?
00:41:56I'm a...
00:41:57You nasty-ass
00:41:59girls in here.
00:42:01Look at her.
00:42:01She's like,
00:42:02that's my shit.
00:42:06Throw some d's
00:42:07on that bitch.
00:42:14Beatin' around
00:42:15the bush.
00:42:16Ladies used
00:42:16to have their
00:42:17little beat
00:42:17around the bush
00:42:18songs too
00:42:18back in the day.
00:42:19We knew what you
00:42:20were talkin' about
00:42:20in the 70s, 80s.
00:42:21Go along with me, ladies.
00:42:22I wonder
00:42:23if I take you home
00:42:25will we still be
00:42:26in the 80s
00:42:28because I
00:42:29see, see.
00:42:33Straightforward now,
00:42:34huh, ladies?
00:42:35Pussy don't fail me now.
00:42:38Gotta turn this...
00:42:39My neck,
00:42:41my back,
00:42:42lick my...
00:42:43Lick my...
00:42:44Ugh!
00:42:46Y'all are so nasty.
00:42:49Knowing every
00:42:52goddamn word.
00:42:54And she's like,
00:42:55lick my...
00:42:56And my...
00:42:59Throw some d's
00:43:00on that bitch.
00:43:03Is that just gonna be
00:43:04the new thing now,
00:43:05ladies?
00:43:05Is that your little phrase?
00:43:07Even when you're
00:43:07getting hit from behind,
00:43:08you'll be like,
00:43:09you like that shit, huh?
00:43:10Oh!
00:43:10Oh, God!
00:43:12Oh, God!
00:43:13Throw some d's
00:43:14on that bitch.
00:43:15And the dude
00:43:20be in the back
00:43:21not knowing the words,
00:43:22is that more like
00:43:23so many like
00:43:24come on set
00:43:25for me like
00:43:26just more than
00:43:27care of that.
00:43:27Throw some d's
00:43:28on that bitch.
00:43:29Just more than
00:43:29care of that.
00:43:30Throw some d's
00:43:31on that bitch.
00:43:31Just gonna...
00:43:33I never slip.
00:43:35I never fall.
00:43:35Oh!
00:43:35Got any
00:43:46MySpace-ers
00:43:47in the house?
00:43:48Who's on MySpace?
00:43:49Clap if you're
00:43:49on MySpace.
00:43:53You gotta check me
00:43:54out on MySpace,
00:43:55ladies.
00:43:55Ladies.
00:43:57Okay,
00:43:58just the ladies.
00:43:59I'm sick of these
00:44:00brothers hitting me up
00:44:01with no shirt on.
00:44:04I'm so sick of
00:44:05these damn baby
00:44:05oil models and shit.
00:44:08I get dudes
00:44:09just straight,
00:44:09just half-naked
00:44:10talking about
00:44:11less network.
00:44:13Holler at your boy.
00:44:15I'm not hollering
00:44:16at your naked ass.
00:44:18I feel gay
00:44:19on the internet
00:44:19with you right now.
00:44:22MySpace
00:44:23has taken over
00:44:23my life, though.
00:44:24I'm not even gonna lie.
00:44:25I've become
00:44:25a MySpace whore.
00:44:28My priorities
00:44:29are all messed up.
00:44:31I was on MySpace
00:44:32for eight hours yesterday.
00:44:33I fucked around
00:44:35and missed two funerals
00:44:36and an audition.
00:44:39You know,
00:44:40MySpace is bad
00:44:41when you check
00:44:41your MySpace more
00:44:42than you check
00:44:42your bank account.
00:44:44That's pretty bad.
00:44:45Like,
00:44:45I don't have a clue
00:44:46how much money
00:44:48I have in the bank
00:44:48right now.
00:44:50But I know for a fact
00:44:51I have 25,373 friends
00:44:54and counting.
00:44:56So check it out.
00:44:58It's alexthomas19.
00:45:00MySpace.com
00:45:01forward slash
00:45:02alexthomas19.
00:45:04It lets you know
00:45:04what I got going on,
00:45:06what I'm gonna be in next
00:45:07for all the people
00:45:08that have supported me
00:45:09in my adult films,
00:45:10the people that know
00:45:10I do adult films.
00:45:14Why y'all laughing?
00:45:15How many people know
00:45:16that I do adult films
00:45:17on the side?
00:45:17A few people have seen
00:45:18my stuff.
00:45:19Yeah, you know,
00:45:19you guys watch?
00:45:21I was in
00:45:21Remember the Tightness.
00:45:22Get Hard or Die Trying.
00:45:30Booty and the Beast.
00:45:31You didn't see
00:45:31any of my stuff?
00:45:33No, Analyze This.
00:45:34You didn't see
00:45:35any of my stuff?
00:45:36No, Star Horse.
00:45:39The Empire Strikes
00:45:40from the Back.
00:45:40You guys haven't seen
00:45:41any of my?
00:45:45Nutting on the Professor.
00:45:46You guys haven't seen
00:45:47any of my?
00:45:48Okay, well that's
00:45:49what I do on the side.
00:45:51So check out
00:45:52my pornos.
00:45:54I know I've been up
00:45:55there for a while
00:45:55but dude,
00:45:56I'm gonna be honest
00:45:56with you,
00:45:57this is like
00:45:58one of the
00:45:58livest audiences
00:45:59I've ever been
00:46:00in front of
00:46:00in my life.
00:46:04I'm serious.
00:46:05This is bananas.
00:46:07I had no idea
00:46:08that Birmingham
00:46:09was off the chain
00:46:10like this.
00:46:20But I'm gonna be honest
00:46:21with you right now.
00:46:22I'm having a lot of fun.
00:46:23Like I said,
00:46:23I love hip-hop.
00:46:24You know what I mean?
00:46:25I think it's at an all-time high
00:46:27but you don't...
00:46:28Can you guys guess
00:46:29who my favorite rapper is?
00:46:31Do you think you can guess
00:46:32who my favorite rapper is?
00:46:34Somebody said Jay-Z.
00:46:36Somebody said Snoop.
00:46:40Somebody said Rick James.
00:46:41He's really high.
00:46:46You know who my favorite rapper is?
00:46:50I'm gonna be honest
00:46:50with you straight up
00:46:51who my favorite rapper is.
00:46:52I love this dude.
00:46:53I love
00:46:54Lil' John.
00:46:58But I'm gonna tell you
00:46:59why I love Lil' John.
00:47:01I figured this dude out.
00:47:03Lil' John,
00:47:04he's not a rapper.
00:47:05Am I right?
00:47:06He's not a rapper.
00:47:08He's a hype man
00:47:09that made it.
00:47:10Am I right?
00:47:12He's just a hype man
00:47:13that made it.
00:47:14All Lil' John did
00:47:15was specialize
00:47:16in cussing over beats.
00:47:19Am I right?
00:47:20All he does
00:47:21is just pop in the CD
00:47:22and he's just like,
00:47:23motherfucker what?
00:47:24Motherfucker what?
00:47:25Y'all niggas say
00:47:26nut butt hoes bitch.
00:47:28Y'all niggas say
00:47:29nut butt hoes bitch.
00:47:31You in the car like.
00:47:36You do anything he say.
00:47:38Put your dick out.
00:47:39Niggas put your dick out.
00:47:40What?
00:47:54Put some daze on that bitch.
00:48:01I saw
00:48:02the
00:48:04most amazing thing
00:48:06I have ever seen
00:48:07in my life
00:48:08MTV
00:48:08three months ago.
00:48:10They had Lil' John
00:48:11in the studio
00:48:13the making
00:48:15of his album
00:48:16and this fool
00:48:17had notes.
00:48:19He had a notepad.
00:48:21I was like,
00:48:22he writes this shit?
00:48:26DJ,
00:48:26play that real quick.
00:48:27He was like,
00:48:28Motherfucker what?
00:48:41Motherfucker what?
00:48:45Snap your fingers,
00:48:46ho.
00:48:47Snap your fingers,
00:48:48ho.
00:48:52Yeah!
00:48:56Thanks a lot,
00:48:57Alabama.
00:48:59I love y'all.
00:49:00Stop y'all.
00:49:02Appreciate it.
00:49:03Birmingham,
00:49:04I love y'all.
00:49:04Come on.
00:49:05Oh,
00:49:06oh,
00:49:07oh.
00:49:08Oh,
00:49:27it's Thomas,
00:49:28a.k.a.
00:49:29Tata Lolicious.
00:49:30In the business,
00:49:31Well, I was stripping and selling weed for years, so basically I just wanted to get out
00:49:37of that lifestyle, you know what I mean?
00:49:40But it was good though because when I was stripping, I was getting tip money and weed
00:49:44money.
00:49:46You know what I mean?
00:49:56But I only strip for women, you know what I'm saying?
00:49:58So the cameras at the strip club wouldn't really catch it.
00:50:01What I would do is I'd throw a dime, I'd throw a 20 in my thong, you know what I'm saying?
00:50:06So as the girls, as they're grabbing on me, people think they're grabbing me, they're
00:50:09groping me, but they're actually getting the product, you feel me?
00:50:24And they would think that the money's tips, but they wonder why I was getting so much money
00:50:27because it was like, you know, three, four hundred, you know what I'm saying?
00:50:32How did I get started doing stand-up comedy?
00:50:48I actually did a lot at the beginning of my career, man.
00:50:50I was a writer.
00:50:51You know, I was a writer on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air for two or three seasons.
00:50:56I worked on Living Color for years.
00:50:58I was like a handyman on the entertainment, whatever I had to do to get money, you know?
00:51:02I was writing on that show.
00:51:03I was doing choreography the first couple of years for the Fly Girls with Rosie Perez.
00:51:09So I was just doing whatever I could get in and fit in and that's when I met Damon Wayans
00:51:13and Keenan Ivey Wayans and they basically talked me into doing stand-up.
00:51:21And then a few years later I met Will Smith and he hooked me up with the writing job on
00:51:31the show and the rest was history, man.
00:51:33So, you know, I pretty much paid my dues, that's why the name of my special is I Got Next.
00:51:50Basically, those first couple years was when I knew that I could make a lifestyle out of
00:51:56being an entertainment.
00:51:57My whole thing was if this entertainment, whether it was dancing, whether it was telling jokes,
00:52:01whether it was writing, whether it was acting, anything that will alleviate me from going
00:52:06back to the job that I had, which was slinging cell phones and pagers, and I hated my job,
00:52:13I'm like, this is the business for me.
00:52:20Only black folks.
00:52:27Why we gotta do that?
00:52:28Why our names gotta be with Ty and La, La Quasia, Ty Francia...
00:52:32All of you...
00:52:33You do not see that with white people.
00:52:35You don't see...
00:52:36L'Amy...
00:52:37K'Chin...
00:52:39You don't hear that kind of shit, you don't?
00:52:42Alex, Thomas, y'all.
00:52:44Come on, let's get a picture of me and Roddy Perry.
00:52:46Let me hear one too.
00:52:47What's your name, sweetie?
00:52:48White woman.
00:52:49My name is Cyvilacity.
00:52:50No, she light skinny.
00:52:51Ray, one, two, three.
00:52:53How you doing? What's your name?
00:52:54Cyvilacity.
00:52:55Cyvilacity?
00:52:56Cyvilacity?
00:52:57Two.
00:52:58She didn't know how to spell her name since she was 13.
00:53:01Did you say your name is Travelocity?
00:53:03Yeah.
00:53:04.com?
00:53:05Cyvilacity.
00:53:06Oh, oh, Cyvilacity.
00:53:08Oh, okay.
00:53:09Kind of.
00:53:10Cyvilacity.
00:53:11Okay, I'm not even going to ask how you spell her name.
00:53:13I'm not.
00:53:14You don't have a street name?
00:53:16Birmingham.
00:53:17They just call me Bama.
00:53:33Alex Thomas in the house.
00:53:34Got my man, Barrett Junji, coming at you.
00:53:37Stay tuned.
00:53:38We got Roddy Perry, Alex Thomas.
00:53:40Hey, hold on, hold on.
00:53:41Stop everything.
00:53:42I like how this guy with the suit tried to act all extra gangster.
00:53:46It's like, dude, we got motherfucking a dude.
00:53:48It's okay.
00:53:49You have a suit.
00:53:50He was a Cub Scout up until last year.
00:53:51I just got to be honest with you.
00:54:04That standing ovation felt amazing, man.
00:54:06I'm just telling you this on camera right now.
00:54:09I appreciate y'all having me down here.
00:54:10That felt great, man.
00:54:11As you can see, all walks of life.
00:54:12Thanks, Bruce.
00:54:13All walks of life.
00:54:14Bruce!
00:54:15Bruce!
00:54:16Bruce!
00:54:17Bruce!
00:54:18Stardome!
00:54:19This man right here.
00:54:20This man, he's the one that basically allowed us to come down here and use his facility.
00:54:35And it was great.
00:54:36As you can see, the outcome was amazing.
00:54:39We had all walks of life.
00:54:40Every shape, size, and color.
00:54:42And there was an Asian midget chicken here that wanted to take me back to the Holiday Inn.
00:54:46It was amazing.
00:54:47I'll tell you, though, the coolest thing of the night was the standing ovation.
00:54:51Because you get a standing ovation, you've done something.
00:54:54And I'm telling you, I'm so proud of you, buddy.
00:54:56Thank you, man.
00:54:57You did great.
00:54:58I can't wait for you to come back.
00:54:59I appreciate that so much.
00:55:00We're going to play some golf, man.
00:55:01We're going to play some golf.
00:55:02For the people that don't know, I'm the ghetto Tiger Woods.
00:55:04They call me Engle Woods.
00:55:06I'm Engle Woods.
00:55:07Yes, sir.
00:55:08I eat chicken bones up and down the fairways, the whole thing.
00:55:10We're going to have some fun.
00:55:23We're on our way to Mike's.
00:55:25Fresh cigarette burns.
00:55:27You know, it's going to be great.
00:55:28Dab wounds.
00:55:29It's a beautiful thing.
00:55:30You know what I mean?
00:55:34We're going to Mike's.
00:55:35You ready?
00:55:36Are you ready?
00:55:37I don't know.
00:55:38Is Mike's open?
00:55:39Yes.
00:55:40Somebody told me Mike's used to be a Taco Bell.
00:55:41Wait a minute.
00:55:42They stripping at a Taco Bell?
00:55:43Yes, brother.
00:55:44You get a chimichanga and a lap dance.
00:55:45It's great.
00:55:46That's the same joke.
00:55:47You get salsa and guacamole and a nacho.
00:55:48Wait a minute.
00:55:49Can I get some guacamole and a nacho?
00:55:50Wait a minute.
00:55:51Can you get some sour cream on that C-section?
00:55:52Can you get some sour cream on that C-section?
00:55:54I'm a badass nigga?
00:55:55Gugges, man.
00:55:56I know.
00:55:59Gugges, man.
00:56:00That's just so nice.
00:56:03Absolutely.
00:56:05If you love dancing,
00:56:07Gugges and the Chimichanga,
00:56:09the Lap dance is great.
00:56:10Exactly.
00:56:11You get salsa and guacamole.
00:56:14And a nacho.
00:56:15Can i get some guacamole and a nipple?
00:56:18That's just nasty.
00:56:20I know, I know.
00:56:22That's just nasty.
00:56:24That's just so nasty.
00:56:26I wasn't lyin' though.
00:56:28When they took me, it was terrible.
00:56:30I was being real serious.
00:56:32Dude, it was really nasty.
00:56:34So are we really going there?
00:56:36It's when you know you're in the ghetto ass shop.
00:56:38Asking me how much the table is.
00:56:40How much the table is?
00:56:42$2.36.
00:56:48Oh, but check this out.
00:56:52She like giving you changes.
00:56:54Hey, now I'm going to be real honest with you.
00:56:56There was no DJ in the class.
00:56:58Guess what there is?
00:57:00It's a jukebox.
00:57:02Oh, so they put this...
00:57:04So your lap dance swing comes out to $10.25.
00:57:06Wow.
00:57:08$10.25 for the song.
00:57:10Purple Rain, whatever you want.
00:57:12But it's a full song at least.
00:57:14It's a full song.
00:57:16$10.25.
00:57:18I never thought I'd ever put change
00:57:20on the lap dance.
00:57:22And then you tip her with another quarter.
00:57:24$10.50 baby, that's $10.50 now.
00:57:26All right, y'all gonna take this here, right?
00:57:28Ain't nobody gonna say that.
00:57:30That's just the truth though.
00:57:32We're in the lobby like this.
00:57:44They just crash.
00:57:46Let's get the drink.
00:57:48We're in the lobby like this.
00:58:00Just so you guys know, people, you wonder who this guy is?
00:58:04He's the 2004 Khakis model.
00:58:06So that's...
00:58:12This is the new 2006 knock-kneed husky model.
00:58:20The knock-kneed husky model.
00:58:22Knock-kneed.
00:58:24No, no. Husky.
00:58:26I can't remember that at work tomorrow.
00:58:28He's looking at me like, yeah, I'm gonna blur your pictures out.
00:58:30He's looking at his camera like, yeah, we gonna put that nigga on Cyclops.
00:58:36One eye and everything.
00:58:38No, wait, why are we still standing here?
00:58:40Is there really somewhere to go?
00:58:42I feel like something gonna happen if we keep talking.
00:58:56Somebody's feeling moist.
00:58:58They like red down here.
00:59:02That's my favorite color.
00:59:04Next to pink.
00:59:06I love pink too.
00:59:08Do you?
00:59:10Go work it now.
00:59:12Come on, next time model.
00:59:14What's your name? Who is it?
00:59:16This is Tiffany, ladies and gentlemen.
00:59:18Tiffany enjoys skydiving, reading books on the weekends,
00:59:20and hot ways at hoops.
00:59:22Chop it like it's hot.
00:59:24Chop it like it's hot.
00:59:26Ohhhh.
00:59:28She's gonna walk away like, nigga, I just sprayed my kneecap.
00:59:30I just tore mama discus.
00:59:32Ligament.
00:59:34I just blew up.
00:59:36I got to cut that.
00:59:38I got to cut that.
00:59:40What's your name?
00:59:42I got to cut that in the middle.
00:59:44What's your name?
00:59:46The baby's coming out for a left.
00:59:48I don't even know.
00:59:50The babies come out 4-11.
00:59:52I like it, I like it.
01:00:08How long?
01:00:09How long, how long?
01:00:12How long y'all been, oh whoa.
01:00:13Oh does she not even speak English?
01:00:14She's like,
01:00:16She's like,
01:00:18I have.
01:00:20Is that what you are?
01:00:22Yeah, I'm going back tomorrow.
01:00:24Wait a minute, she's turning regular.
01:00:26Did y'all meet down here?
01:00:28He's an international player.
01:00:30He's an international player right here.
01:00:32He got that idea.
01:00:34He got an Asian chick he couldn't catch up with.
01:00:36His whole phone is hungry.
01:00:40Australia.
01:00:42It's not, it's not.
01:00:44So are you boyfriend of gravity?
01:00:46Yeah, we are.
01:00:48Do you have kids yet?
01:00:50I got a daughter.
01:00:52You let him discipline the baby?
01:00:54You let him put the black discipline on the baby?
01:00:56No.
01:00:58Just throwing it out there.
01:01:00So how is it down here in Alabama?
01:01:02Is it more open with mixed relationships?
01:01:04Not open at all.
01:01:06We live in LA, so it's a regular thing.
01:01:08We came to Alabama.
01:01:10Columbia.
01:01:12Oh yeah, you right up in the thick of it too.
01:01:14No, we did in Columbia.
01:01:16We came to some city in Alabama.
01:01:18Went to Walmart and we about had to stop holding hands.
01:01:20Really?
01:01:22So you can't take her to the Farrakhan meetings at all?
01:01:28You a fool.
01:01:30The Farrakhan?
01:01:32They make big butts with dreads and big ass pants.
01:01:36It's going to be a beautiful thing.
01:01:38It's going to be a beautiful thing.
01:01:40All their babies are going to have baby hair until they're like 19.
01:01:42Do you play piano or the flute or something?
01:01:44He didn't look artistic.
01:01:45Don't he look like he didn't?
01:01:46What are you talking about?
01:01:47He look like I normally don't wear shoes.
01:01:49I believe in puka shells and guitars.
01:01:53And peace.
01:01:55It's all about peace.
01:01:56All right, we're going to stop now.
01:01:57That was enough of the after party.
01:01:59All right, we are live at the Stardome.
01:02:13Catching some people out the door, leaving out.
01:02:15How did you like the show?
01:02:16I loved it.
01:02:17I had a wonderful time.
01:02:18I came from Hottiesburg.
01:02:19It was well worth the trip.
01:02:20I enjoyed it a lot.
01:02:21I really enjoyed the show.
01:02:22I really, really did.
01:02:23It was great.
01:02:24I mean, it was fabulous.
01:02:25I really did like Alex Thomas.
01:02:27He got some funny jokes.
01:02:28The show was like largely out of the chain.
01:02:31It was really, really tight.
01:02:32I'm good.
01:02:33So, I'm just going to leave you guys.
01:02:47You guys take it easy.
01:02:48You nigga, I will cry.
01:02:50That shit.
01:02:51So funny.
01:02:58I got next y'all.
01:03:05I got next y'all.
01:03:28You're in this.
01:03:31You go.
01:03:36What the hell?
01:03:37You could sit here.
01:03:38That shit.
01:03:39I will cry.
01:03:41I got next y'all.
01:03:42You never get it.
01:03:43I'll cry.
01:03:45You need the show.
01:03:46You never get it.
01:03:47You.
01:03:48You're not getting it.
01:03:49I'm not having it.
01:03:50You're not getting it.
01:03:51I'm having it.
01:03:52I'm having it.
01:03:53I'm having it.
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