'Top Chef's Kristen Kish Tells her Coming Out Story

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00:00When you feel that pride inside, it comes with confidence. It comes with an extra layer of empowerment.

00:09You are bringing the style to Top Chef this season. It is so killer. I'm loving every single look.

00:17I want you to tell us a little bit about your style evolution.

00:20You know, my everyday life is exactly what you see right now. It's a sweatshirt, it's a hat,

00:25it's no makeup. And so obviously when I got this hosting role, like I knew that we had to

00:30step it up. Like I understand how television works. I think the best thing that Charlotte,

00:35my stylist, what she has done for me is that she kept on my pace, but she like,

00:40she kept pushing just a little bit further each time. And she let me do it in my own time. If you

00:45look back to season 21, my very first outfit, like for the elimination challenge was a black jumpsuit

00:52wearing very little makeup. I don't think we even entered into the realm of fake eyelashes and

00:57jewelry and all that kind of thing. But I think I had to ease into it. And everyone on production,

01:02no one forced me to all of a sudden show up glam to the nines. So in my own time, I got there. And I

01:09think as I got more comfortable with my role and understanding what that role was and what it

01:15needed for me, I was able to kind of step into the fashion thing and kind of get a little bit more

01:19comfortable with it. But you know, from, from the start, like Charlotte will tell you the first

01:25few fittings was probably very funny for her. Also slightly concerning. She was like, wait,

01:31we're going to do black jumpsuits. And I was like, maybe. No, I love it. You are really killing it

01:35with the looks. I want you to, if you can go back to your restaurant or his elimination,

01:40what was that like to be executive chef and then to be eliminated?

01:44I think I have a better understanding of what it feels like. I can look back at my younger self going

01:48through that. And like, I'm like, Oh my God, good for you, girl. Like you pulled up your bootstraps

01:54and you went back in there. But as I'm going through it, it's like the first, like, I didn't

01:58know anything better. Like I knew that top chef, one person's going to win and everyone's going to get

02:04eliminated at a certain point. And it felt my first feeling when I got eliminated was relief because I

02:12was tired. I was exhausted mentally and physically. I think that judge's table was going on for

02:18I mean, back then, back then stew room was like eight hours. It was crazy. And so like,

02:25it was well into like 2am for standing there and I was hungry and I was tired. And I was just like,

02:31so when I got relieved and I was eliminated, I felt, okay, finally I can go sit down. I can eat. I can

02:38like sleep. Very quickly. I realized that the desire to make it back in was far more than what

02:47I ever expected it to be. Do you much prefer being on the opposite side, being able to sit down at a

02:53table with your fellow judges and eat some delicious food? Yeah. I mean, yes. I think that

03:00there are so many great chefs. So many of my friends have gone on and competed over and over and over

03:06again. And they are just so good at it. I don't think that is the natural skill set I have. I would

03:11entertain competition cooking shows, but in a less serious, like weighted way. So like for charity,

03:23perhaps. Or if someone said, Kristen, would you like to go on the Great British Bake Off? Absolutely.

03:27Yes, I would. So I think that it's not about all competition cooking shows that scares me.

03:33It's top chef and knowing that it is like, I mean, it's some serious shit. Like it's hard. It is hard.

03:42I don't, I don't need to feel that again. Is there any other reality television show that you would do

03:48that maybe doesn't even involve cooking? That doesn't involve cooking? I would like to be on

03:52American Ninja Warrior. Okay. I don't have, I don't have the skill set for it. It has nothing to do with

03:57feeling good at it. I just want to try it. I want to try it so bad. I want to go on American Ninja

04:03Warrior. Oh, I'd like to do like three days of alone, but paired with an actual survivalist.

04:11I would only last three days. What motivated you to do top chef and be a contestant,

04:17knowing that being on reality TV, there are cameras constantly surrounding you. And in your book,

04:23you talked about how you have always dealt with anxiety. Yeah. So top chef happened because my boss

04:30at the time encouraged me to do it. And she just didn't come at it with, you know, I think you'd be

04:34really good at this. She said, no, you need to go on it. One, we need more women representing on

04:39television. Two, you can do it. And I can see something in you that, you know, can, can,

04:45that you'd be able to hopefully succeed in this process of top chef.

04:49You talked about how people thought that you and Stephanie Smarr could have been in a relationship.

04:55Were you ever nervous about letting more of your personal life come through on television

05:00when at that point you weren't publicly out yet? I mean, when you live your life in a closet for a

05:05long time, I'm not worried about anything slipping. Like it's not like you you're holding a secret of

05:11something like something that doesn't mean a lot. I had been living 28 years in the closet.

05:17Nothing was going to get slipped. I was not worried about that whatsoever.

05:20You know, the speculation of my best friend and I, I think is completely ridiculous. It undermines

05:28real queer relationships. And it also undermines the friendship of women for that assumption to be

05:33out there. I found it more of telling about who was making the assumption that it had anything to do

05:38with me. So I wasn't worried about it because that's my best friend. Like what, what do I care?

05:43Tell us a little bit about your coming out journey. What was that conversation like on that video call

05:48with your parents? Well, it was before video calling was actually a thing. So it was a good

05:53old fashioned cell phone. It was a phone call that lasted five, 10 minutes of the actual subject,

06:00but it felt like eternity. And I think that anytime you are revealing something about yourself that you

06:07have held secret for so long, there's shame in that. And to hold it from two people that I know

06:13do love me unconditionally, it made the phone call feel longer and more pressurized. But the second it

06:19came out, weights lifted off. There was no doubt in my mind that my parents loved or cared for me.

06:27And I think it was more of an admission to myself than it was to them.

06:31Yeah. I also really loved your brother's reaction.

06:34Yeah. Yeah. Very just cool. Great. Love it. Can't wait to meet her.

06:41Scott, your ex-boyfriend was also such an important part of your life.

06:45As you dated him for five years, was there any like nagging feeling deep down that you knew that

06:49it would never work out? Oh, I always knew it wasn't going to work out. I wanted it to work out so I

06:55didn't have to deal with coming out and being gay because that felt so much more overwhelming

06:59than to just live peacefully with my best friend. And, you know, I think I didn't have the strength

07:06or the understanding to know that love can feel so much more empowering when done authentically.

07:13And so rather than feeling content or complacent or codependent on another person, that true love

07:21is free. Tell us about your first being in that first same-sex relationship. Like what was the

07:27feeling of when you knew that this fit for you? Oh, I knew even before the first relationship,

07:32like I knew what I wanted to feel. I knew what it was like to have a crush and all those things

07:37geared towards women, not men. And so to be in it, you know, I was, I was young. Um, there were things

07:46still that I didn't know about myself, but I think that the greatest thing about that first relationship,

07:52even though it did not last forever, building the confidence over the years to not feel so terrified

08:00at being publicly out. It's like practice, right? You like the more and more you get used to it and

08:06the feeling and what it feels like to live genuinely authentically yourself. So what makes you proud to

08:12now be openly embracing your sexuality and married to your beautiful wife, Bianca?

08:18I'm proud to be her wife first and foremost. I'm proud to feel the way that I feel. And I think

08:24that that's a indescribable feeling. When you feel that pride inside, it comes with confidence. It

08:30comes with an extra layer of empowerment. I love that you said that you didn't want to get married

08:35initially. And here we are. Here we are. Yeah. Very much married. Uh, yeah, I didn't want to get

08:41married because I hated the institution for saying that I couldn't, that allowed people to go

08:48elope in Vegas to some random stranger on a drunken night because they were of the opposite sex.

08:53People in long-term loving relationships who actually really wanted to create a foundation

08:58of the future in marriage because they were the same sex could not. And like that didn't sit well

09:03with me. And to, you know, I was, I was angry and I think I didn't want to get married because I was

09:09angry. Uh, but when I met Bianca, I found love that outweighs anger and hate all day long.

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