Actress and podcaster Khadeen Ellis, sits down with Sharí Nycole and breaks down the beauty in tapping into her gifts and embracing new opportunities. She also discusses the joy in juggling marriage, motherhood and her professional purpose.
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00:00To answer the question of feeling invisible, I don't feel like there was ever moments where I,
00:04I myself, felt invisible. However, I do felt components of my life were invisible.
00:09Yeah, that's good.
00:10Okay, so though my husband, for example, celebrates me all the time as a wife and a mom.
00:15We do the vlogs, everyone's talking to you.
00:16I love him.
00:17People love that, you know, and he's always shouting me out,
00:20he's always bigging me up and pushing me to the forefront.
00:22But that's as Kadeem wife and mom sometimes, right?
00:25But then there's Kadeem the actress, there's Kadeem the host, there's Kadeem the person.
00:30And I've had to realize that after getting married and having children,
00:35a lot of women say after children, I want to get back to my old self.
00:38I want to get back to the old Kadeem.
00:41There is really no old Kadeem.
00:43It's who Kadeem is now.
00:45Who is this new version of Kadeem after she's done all the things?
00:52What's going on Essence fam?
00:53It's your girl, Sheree Nicole here at the Accelerate Her Summit Conference.
00:58It's got different names.
00:59Okay.
01:00What I have been trying to find, Kadeem Ellis, we've been chasing her down.
01:0448 hours.
01:06Has it been 48 hours?
01:07About 48 hours and you finally got here.
01:09I finally got here.
01:10Listen, let me tell you, this is going to be my last stop.
01:12I went upstairs and packed.
01:13I got to catch a flight, but I said not until I hit up my Essence family.
01:18Yes.
01:18So thank you for having me.
01:20Well, you look radiant and amazing.
01:22And one of the things I love about you is just how you've expanded your brand.
01:25Yes.
01:25And that's, you know, with your amazing husband, but also outside of him as well.
01:29Yes.
01:29So when we think about podcasting, media personality, actress, influencer, you're covering the whole
01:34gap.
01:35I can't believe that.
01:36I'm here.
01:36Now, let's talk about why you can't believe that, because it's not like you didn't have
01:40the giftings.
01:41Indeed.
01:41It's not like you didn't have the aptitude.
01:42Indeed.
01:43So where's the wow come in for you?
01:46You know, I think in my mind, I had had this timeline in my head of by this age, I should
01:54do this.
01:55By that age, I should have accomplished that.
01:58And I think women in general get wrapped up in that.
02:01Yeah, we do.
02:02And I realized recently that nothing is ever on our time.
02:08Because whose time is it on?
02:09God's time.
02:09The good Lord.
02:10The good Lord's time.
02:11So I have an experience that happened recently, which is a new opportunity that came my way
02:17that I cannot speak about yet, but you will hear about very soon.
02:20And I can congratulate you though, even though I don't.
02:22I appreciate that.
02:23But that was just a moment that I can't wait to share that particular story because it was
02:29nothing more than God's timing.
02:31And I realized in being still and in being obedient to the stillness, in relinquishing
02:41what I felt like was my time and the way things were supposed to pan out, God literally put me
02:48in a position and I was like, are you sure?
02:51Are you sure now?
02:53And he said, yes.
02:54Yes.
02:54But you know, imposter syndrome wants to creep in.
02:57I was just talking about that with someone earlier today.
03:00It's a real thing.
03:01It's a real thing.
03:01It's a real thing to creep in.
03:03You know what's crazy?
03:04It doesn't matter where you sit.
03:07Like you could be, I don't know, and this is no shade, but hear me out, guys.
03:11You could be working minimum wage.
03:13You could be a millionaire, billionaire.
03:14It doesn't matter.
03:15Imposter syndrome doesn't have a favorite.
03:17It sure does.
03:18It doesn't have a favorite.
03:19It sure does.
03:19But you know what?
03:20We had a podcast recently.
03:21So my husband and I, shout out to my man, my man, Deadass Podcast is now rebranded to Ellis
03:27Ever After.
03:28So if you enjoy podcasts, if you are a follower of Deadass, it's now Ellis Ever After on any
03:32platform.
03:34We had a guest, Kaylin Allen, and Kaylin recently was on our show last season.
03:39And he said, you know, I realized that I don't have imposter syndrome because I'm exactly
03:44where I'm supposed to be.
03:45And that really changed my perspective on things because I've been working to be in
03:51these rooms.
03:52I've been working for the opportunities that have come my way.
03:55So why should I have imposter syndrome?
03:58I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
04:00So that just reminded me as I'm talking to you and saying, I can't believe this is happening.
04:06I need to believe that it's happening because I've worked to get to this point.
04:10Let's talk about this work because you've got four voices.
04:13Yes, ma'am.
04:14So cute.
04:16So your mom, super mom, super wife, you know, you and your husband have done some incredible
04:21things together.
04:22Yes.
04:22So balancing that.
04:23Yes.
04:24Which it appears, and I don't think it's capped that you're doing an incredible job.
04:28But then also making room for your goals and your dreams, whether it's collectively with
04:33your husband and many of yours, how does this song and dance, and I know you've been asked
04:38this a ton of times, but I'm just curious because I've never been able to ask you, how
04:42does that song and dance work?
04:44Yeah.
04:45You know, I think it was Michelle Obama that said at some point that, women, we can have
04:50everything, but just not all at the same time.
04:52Yes.
04:53So I've realized that over the course of the past, I want to say 23 years, because that's
04:58when I, my husband and I started dating in college around 18, that I've realized that
05:02there's certain moments in my life that certain things took precedence and it was okay, though
05:08I felt the guilt sometimes, whether if I felt like in a certain moment, my husband had to
05:12take a backseat or my children had to take a backseat or my career had to take a backseat.
05:16I had to learn to be okay with knowing that I wasn't able to give 100% to every single
05:23area of my life every single time. But what I did do to, in order to kind of make up for
05:28that deficit that I felt was a, give myself a little grace. And that took some time because
05:34mom guilt, wife guilt, all that stuff, it creeps in the guilt of like, Kadeen, you should
05:38be at this point in your career and you're not. So I had to release myself of that, but then also
05:42surrounding myself with a strong village of people who are able to be there in my absence
05:48and in those moments who I can entrust with my children. My parents live with us.
05:52God bless my husband. He moved my parents in about five years ago. You know, so if I do have
05:57to get up and come to Accelerate Her 2025, I can do it easy.
06:01We're at parents and down to the house taking care of the little ones.
06:03They're taking care of the babies. And I have a sense of relief that I can work in peace because
06:08who better than me and my husband to then be there with my children. So yeah, it's a,
06:14it's definitely a balancing act. I believe that there are some times I'll drop a ball, you know,
06:19I'm human. It happens. But it's about just trying to be really intentional with my days and my time.
06:24And I'm still working on that. Like I don't have it all figured out. I will never profess to have
06:28it figured out. But I've learned that being intentional with my time and being very deliberate
06:34with how I spend it, meaning not necessarily having to take every gig or having to do the hustle.
06:39It's like, what exactly is going to move the needle for me in my career? When do I need to clock out and
06:44say, you know what? I need time with my husband. You know, when am I going to show up for my children
06:48collectively, but also individually, because they're four different people. So I try to be
06:52very intentional. Like I just had a, you know, a date with my son, Cairo. He's my second son.
06:56And I'm like, well, you, today's your day. What do you want to do? And we did the movies,
07:00you know, and we got to hang out a little bit after. So just really being deliberate and intentional
07:04about these 365 days that I have in a year. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
07:08Talk about being deliberate and intentional, especially when it comes to being a mom,
07:12being a wife. We talked about that balance piece. Yeah. And we, we talked about this a
07:16little bit off camera yesterday, the visibility piece. Yeah. And I asked because I do have close
07:20friends who are moms, are working moms, who are amazing like yourself, but sometimes being the mom
07:28takes precedent. Yeah. And so things that they may want to do career-wise, like you said,
07:32they put on the back burner. So there's a level of visibility professionally that they may not have.
07:36So for you in, in knowing that, and also again, you're in a power marriage,
07:40your husband's also a celebrity. Have you, did you ever have moments along this journey where
07:44you felt invisible? And if so, how did you work through that to become obviously what you become
07:49at? Yeah. Um, to answer the question of feeling invisible, I don't feel like there was ever moments
07:55where I, I myself felt invisible. However, I do felt components of my life for invisible.
08:01Yeah. That's good. Okay. So though my husband, for example, celebrates me all the time as a wife and
08:07a mom, we do the vlogs. Everyone's in my video. I love them. People love that, you know, and he's
08:11always shouting me out. He's always bigging me up and pushing me to the forefront, but that's as
08:15Kadeen wife and mom sometimes. Right. But then there's Kadeen the actress, there's Kadeen the host,
08:20there's Kadeen the person. And I've had to realize that after getting married and having children,
08:27a lot of women say after children, I want to get back to my old self. I want to get back to the old
08:31Kadeen. There is really no old Kadeen. It's who Kadeen is now. Who is this new version of Kadeen
08:39after she's done all the things? Yeah.
08:42How do I now learn who she is? How do I pour into her? Um, how do I assess how her needs and wants
08:49have changed? Um, what stays the same? So there's definitely moments where I've felt that components
08:56of my life were defined by what people saw me as, you know? Um, and now I'm ready to get back to now
09:04that I feel like I'm done having children, child, cause I'm not having no more babies.
09:07Are we, are we sure? We done done, girl. Cause y'all, y'all really has a real battle. You know,
09:13sometimes things happen. Baby, he might just rush past me in the hallway, honey. And there's number
09:18five. So knowing that, and knowing that if I were to get pregnant again, for me, from a health
09:23standpoint, it would not be good. Um, my husband did get a vasectomy. So I won't be physically having
09:29children again, which is typically the hardest part is particularly being on camera and in the acting
09:34space. It's like having to be pregnant and then come back and be pregnant and come back.
09:37Yeah. So still wanting to remain, of course, being an active mom and wife and all that,
09:42I am ready to get back into the space professionally where I can kind of just use my instrument,
09:48you know, as an actress and as a host. And I have an opportunity that came my way recently
09:52that you guys will learn about very soon. I can't wait. Cause you, this is the second time
09:56you've said, I'm getting annoyed now that I don't know what it is. And you know, you know why it means
10:01so much to me. It's because in that space, I felt so alive. I did. I felt like that's where I was
10:10supposed to be on a professional level. It made me want more. It made me want to do better. It made me
10:16want to study again and, and to, to fine tune this instrument that I felt was rusty and maybe couldn't
10:23be revived, you know? So yes, this, this particular opportunity coupled with the love and the support
10:32from my husband and my children and my family, my parents, my in-law, everyone has just been rallying
10:37around me to make sure that I was prepared for this moment. And in my stillness at the end of 2024,
10:43and by relinquishing everything to God, I got a call on January 6th that changed my life. Wow.
10:50And I can't wait for you to find out about it. I can't wait either because I I'm impatient.
10:54And you all come on here talking about your projects that are coming up two, three, five,
10:58six months down the line. You can't say anything. I get in my feelings, but I'm going to,
11:02I accept the embargo. I accept the embargo. When we, we think about self-discovery,
11:07you've talked about that. You've talked about just feeling alive in this project.
11:11Yeah. I will ask you, is there a word or an adjective that you could use to describe
11:17how you're made, how you're wired?
11:20That's a good question. Who found her? I guess I would say very intricate.
11:27Intricate because when you think of something that's intricate, it's like, it's perplexed,
11:33complex, but it's also kind of handled with care because she's a little sensitive.
11:39Um, there's so many layers. There's so many facets to her. Um, there's just so much to me that I,
11:46like I said before, I feel like I'm even still discovering like this new version of Kadeen.
11:51And I'm all about growth. I'm all about forward movement. I'm all about progress. That's why being
11:57in a space like this is so beautiful. Yes. You know, you have women from all facets of life,
12:01so many different arenas, so many different spaces coming to this one forum where we can just
12:07quarantine each other and share and love on and, you know, peel away the layers and kick back and
12:15kiki. Like these are the things that we need. And I feel like you don't need to rely on other people
12:21to give us these spaces as black women. We no longer need permission or validation because we're creating
12:27our own spaces. So shout out to Kim Blackwell and her entire team for creating a space like this.
12:32And for Essence, who's been around for years. Girl, you better. Years and years and years,
12:37he was one of my personal favorites, um, who always creates spaces for us to thrive and grow.
12:43And I think in the intricacies of who I am, being in spaces like this, I'm able to pull a little bit
12:48from this one and pull a little bit from that one and pull like these gems just helps to just
12:53make me a better person and a better woman. Girl, I can't wait to hear about this project.
12:57That's all I got to say. Listen, I am so excited. Thank you so much. Thank you for tracking me down.
13:03We did it, Michelle. You did it. We did it. You get to keep your job. You ain't gonna lose your job today.
13:11And just a week later, Kadeen let the secret out. She is now part of the cast of Tyler Perry's new
13:18series, Divorced Sisters. Congratulations.