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00:00Okay, everybody huddle up.
00:24I want eye contact and nods.
00:26You are my best, most cherished people.
00:30And we are more than capable of throwing a dinner party,
00:33despite what everyone says about people our age,
00:36that we're neurotic, irresponsible, directionless,
00:41or that we lie about using menstrual cups.
00:43That one felt targeted.
00:44Could have been about anyone.
00:46But tonight, tonight we're gonna prove them wrong.
00:49We are in the roast chicken phase of life.
00:52We can be mature, and we can be normal,
00:55and we can cook a roast fucking chicken
00:58like the goddamn grown-ups we can do.
01:00Oh, my God.
01:01No!
01:03He drank weird milk.
01:05What?
01:05He drank weird milk.
01:06Someone get a towel.
01:07What is happening?
01:14Hey, thanks again for letting me invite her, Bills.
01:16My friend Jules is, like, the best.
01:18She's really kind, super thoughtful.
01:20She's the one who put me on a popper.
01:21PB, any friend of yours is a friend of ours.
01:24As long as she has good banter
01:26and an Atlantic article she wants to discuss,
01:28because that is the vibe that I'm curating tonight.
01:30Oh, my God.
01:31Hi.
01:32Hi.
01:32Not quite the outfit we discussed.
01:34My dad's suit.
01:36You said dress up.
01:37Yeah, like a normal guy,
01:38not like you run Gotham City.
01:39You look like a little rascal, dude.
01:41You look like a little rascal.
01:43You look amazing.
01:44You look incredible.
01:45Hey, Paul Baker, can you help me at the table?
01:47You look so good.
01:48Thanks.
01:48Thanks.
01:48What?
01:50I'm trying to look nice for Mr. Teacher.
01:52He knows what you look like, Samir.
01:53He taught you Hamlet.
01:55Hey, first of all, shmoop.com taught me Hamlet.
01:57Second, it's just dinner.
01:58Like, what's the...
01:58Because...
01:59Here, hold this.
02:01Because Mr. Teacher makes me happy.
02:03And he has his shit together.
02:04And he thinks we have our shit together, too.
02:06So I just...
02:06I just need this to go well.
02:08Okay?
02:09Okay.
02:10I got you.
02:11How are we looking out there, East?
02:12There are napkins on tables.
02:14There are nuts in bowls.
02:15I mean, this is basically a gala.
02:16Aw, you look nice.
02:19Very phantom threat.
02:21Oh, thanks.
02:22Never seen it.
02:23No, me neither.
02:24Billy.
02:24Yeah.
02:25Hi.
02:25Hi.
02:26Look at me.
02:26Hi.
02:27Relax.
02:28It's gonna be perfect.
02:29Also, lucky for you, I am the ultimate dinner party guest.
02:33You are?
02:33Yeah.
02:34I'm cultured.
02:35I'm great at chit-chat.
02:36I have that awesome story about how Jane Fonda punched me in the tit at the climate march.
02:39It's gonna be great, girls.
02:41It's gonna be great.
02:43Paul Baker?
02:43Has anyone seen the cocktail shaker?
02:45Okay, be honest.
02:48Did I die?
02:49Am I in hell?
02:50What?
02:50You asked for a bartender, you're gonna get a bartender, okay?
02:53Someone is blacking out tonight.
02:55Hey.
02:57Just tell me they're not assless.
02:59They're not assless.
03:00Oh, my God.
03:01He's here.
03:03Um, waft.
03:06Waft, Samir.
03:07I don't know the word waft.
03:12Say so.
03:13I was trying things.
03:15Here, here, here, here, here.
03:20Hi, baby.
03:21Hi.
03:21Hi.
03:22Hey.
03:23Oh.
03:23Mm.
03:24Mm.
03:25Mm.
03:25Oh, my God.
03:26Hi.
03:26Um, come in.
03:27I want you to meet everyone.
03:28Yeah.
03:28This is Anton.
03:31Hi, I'm Anton.
03:32And Issa.
03:33Hi.
03:33This is Paul Baker.
03:34What's up, man?
03:35And you know Samir.
03:36Yeah.
03:36Sure.
03:38Okay, well, don't salute him.
03:39Um, but I'm so excited you're here.
03:42I have a whole chicken in the oven, which is very me, very us.
03:46So us.
03:47Totally us.
03:48Mm-hmm.
03:48But come, uh, get a drink.
03:50Uh, Samir, coat?
03:51Yes, I can take that.
03:52Yeah.
03:52Nice to meet you guys.
03:54Yes.
03:54Oh.
03:55I'm so excited.
03:56You want to take it?
04:00Yeah.
04:01Thanks, Samir.
04:03Oh, wow.
04:04Wow.
04:05This is incredible.
04:06Mm-hmm.
04:07Yeah.
04:08Oh, cool.
04:09Cool.
04:10Yeah.
04:12Oh, man.
04:14How many leaves does it have?
04:16How many leaves?
04:17Yeah.
04:18Um, I've never counted.
04:21It's probably the same as always, isn't it?
04:24All different.
04:24Yeah, I, I, I mean, anyone's guess.
04:28Yeah.
04:28Yeah.
04:30Samir, look at you.
04:32Oh, my God.
04:33Wow.
04:34You did it.
04:35I'm so proud of you.
04:36That, I'm trying.
04:38That's, that's, that's, that's very nice of you.
04:42Can I be honest with you about something?
04:45Yeah.
04:47I'm on a very large introductory dose of ketamine.
04:53Okay.
04:54Shh, shh, shh, shh.
04:54It's fine, it's fine.
04:55They call it a, uh, a pony dose.
04:59Because if you gave it to a pony, it would also be high on ketamine.
05:03Uh-huh.
05:03Mm-hmm.
05:05And, sorry, why?
05:07Why are you on that?
05:10It's just helping me move through some stuff right now.
05:13You know, with the divorce and everything.
05:15Mm-hmm.
05:16Let's not tell anyone.
05:18Just keep it between us ducks.
05:21Us ducks?
05:22Yeah.
05:23Promise?
05:24Yeah, I promise.
05:25Okay.
05:29It's really good to see you.
05:39He's on ketamine.
05:41Who?
05:41He, he's tripping his balls off.
05:43Oh, my God.
05:44Mr. Teacher?
05:44Yeah.
05:45You know what?
05:46Good for him.
05:46What?
05:47No.
05:47Not good.
05:48Not good for him.
05:49These, Anton, this whole thing is for him.
05:51This whole night, Billy planned everything.
05:53Sayer, he's in his 40s, okay?
05:54I'm sure he knows what he's doing.
05:56She's gonna freak out.
05:57Yeah, if you tell her, just leave it, okay?
06:00Please?
06:00I can't just leave it.
06:01What the?
06:01Hold, hold.
06:04The, the cap, the cap.
06:06What?
06:06The cap.
06:07It's just a little spillage.
06:09Okay, waft.
06:11Anton, waft.
06:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:14No, Anton, sleep.
06:15Oh, my God.
06:16Does nobody know the word waft?
06:17Oh, waft.
06:19Okay, we need to get those drinks out.
06:21Oh, yeah.
06:21Go.
06:21I thought you said they weren't assless.
06:27Oh, he changed.
06:28He changed.
06:30Are you, like, actually okay with it, though?
06:31Paul Baker, there is nothing wrong with bringing a plus one.
06:34Also, if Jules is important to you, she's important to me.
06:37Oh, my God.
06:37I don't know.
06:38I was, I was concerned you'd be, like, I don't know, feel weird about it or something.
06:41I don't know.
06:42What?
06:42Paul Baker?
06:43I know, I know.
06:44I just, I've never done, like, old friends meeting new friends, and I just, but of course you're
06:48okay with that.
06:49Duh.
06:49I know.
06:49I'm sorry.
06:50It's okay.
06:50I'm sorry.
06:51I'm sorry.
06:51Part of my reach.
06:59Huh.
07:01Share.
07:02I guess you got more.
07:06Anyway, Jules is gonna love me.
07:08She is.
07:08I just hope she's not intimidated of seeing me in my element.
07:11Oh, yeah?
07:11Yeah.
07:12Ready?
07:13Uh-huh.
07:13Watch this.
07:14Okay.
07:14Exterior Barclays Center.
07:19I'm tits out next to Jane Fonda in a way she does not like.
07:22So, I've been going to these protests for a very long time, and I can tell there's a new
07:26outfit in charge.
07:27And Jane can talk to you.
07:28How's it going?
07:28Hmm?
07:29Oh, bad.
07:30I signed up for this job sort of outfit first.
07:32Hmm.
07:32You know why?
07:33Because I can see there was a moment to be a safe place for her.
07:34I walk up, she starts throwing punches at me, and I'm like, hey, whoa, whoa, dodging,
07:39dodging, dodging.
07:39And before I know it, boom!
07:41Down she goes.
07:42Oh, bitch.
07:44I know.
07:46Oh, my God.
07:47Oh, my God.
07:50Oh, my God.
07:51You're just the strangest little Mexican boy I've ever seen.
07:57Wait, what?
07:58Oh, that's Jules.
07:59Oh, yay!
08:01You made it!
08:03I did!
08:03Oh, my God.
08:04I'm so sorry I'm late.
08:06It's pretty interesting, I'm late.
08:07Everyone wanted a picture with me.
08:08Oh, this is fun.
08:10That's cute.
08:11Look at you.
08:12Oh, my God.
08:13Foxy J.
08:14In our house.
08:18It's Julia Fox.
08:20What?
08:21Hi, hi.
08:21Hi.
08:23You guys know Jules?
08:25Okay, Samir, service.
08:26Anton, wine.
08:27Paul Baker, come and help me reach tall things.
08:30This dinner is live, people.
08:32Go.
08:32Julia, come with me.
08:33When I read your memoir, I was like, wait, this is literally me.
08:36Oh, my God.
08:36Every page.
08:37You read my book?
08:38Of course, my love.
08:39I love you.
08:40I love you.
08:41Okay, so wait.
08:42I think we are very similar.
08:45So we're on the plane, and the pilot's like one cigarette at a time.
08:48Julia Fox is on my parents' couch.
08:50I know.
08:51Julia Fox is on my parents' couch.
08:52The Unca Gems girl is on my parents' couch.
08:54I know.
08:55She knows Sandler.
08:56I know, Samir.
08:57But we're fine.
08:58This is why we prepped.
08:59And then I was just like, you know what?
09:01You're not a socialist, and this isn't even your private jet.
09:06That is so funny, babe.
09:08Do you need help?
09:08No, no, no.
09:09You're good, girl.
09:09You keep eating.
09:10Is the chicken in there?
09:11Yeah.
09:11Oh, nice.
09:14Ah!
09:18Looks so yum.
09:19Anyway, yeah.
09:20You okay, Ys?
09:21Totally.
09:22I mean, did Paul Baker bring the A++++ version of me to this party?
09:25Sure.
09:26And did I always dream that we would meet getting arrested together at Art Basel?
09:30Totally.
09:30But, you know, now here she is on my night, being interesting all over the sofa.
09:36Aw, Ys.
09:36Yeah.
09:37We had to land, um, in Athens.
09:39You landed early?
09:40Yeah.
09:40Oh, shit.
09:41What?
09:42Huh?
09:43Oh, nothing.
09:43He's...
09:44We're good.
09:44Come on.
09:45Don't do this to me, Samir, okay?
09:46I-I'm trying to conquer a chicken.
09:48Yeah, yeah.
09:48Just-just one second.
09:49It's good.
09:50Hey, Jules.
09:51Crab dip is dairy-free.
09:52I got you, girl.
09:59Hey.
10:03Hey.
10:04Hey.
10:05You okay?
10:06Yeah.
10:06We're all good, Samir.
10:09That's the whole point.
10:11Okay, right.
10:12Yeah.
10:14Oh, the old yearbook.
10:17She really came into herself after the Mets braces, huh?
10:24I have to end it with her.
10:26What?
10:27Oh, fuck.
10:29What the fuck am I doing?
10:31Oh, man.
10:32What the fuck am I doing?
10:33This girl was a child.
10:35No.
10:35I'm dating a child.
10:36No, no, no, no, no, no.
10:38You can't-you can't think like that.
10:39Everyone-everyone was a child.
10:41Just breathe, okay?
10:42You can't do this.
10:42You just gotta breathe.
10:43You're not-you're not thinking clearly.
10:44No.
10:45This is the most clear a person could or could not be.
10:48Please, please don't do this tonight.
10:50You make her happy.
10:51You make her so happy.
10:53And she told me that.
10:53She told me that you make her happy.
10:56And she make me chicken.
11:00What?
11:00Hey.
11:25Hey.
11:26Hey, Bill.
11:27Hey.
11:27Hey, just real quick.
11:29I, uh, I don't think you should, uh, be dating this guy.
11:32I think he's a sick man.
11:33I think he's sick in the head.
11:35Samir, what?
11:36I-I-I just think he's fucking unhinged.
11:38I think, uh...
11:38Okay, where is this coming from?
11:40Well, Julia Fox ate all the crab dip.
11:43Did you...
11:45change?
11:46What?
11:47No.
11:49I've been wearing this.
11:51It fixed my hair.
11:53I just...
11:54Bills, I really...
11:55I don't think you should be with this guy.
11:57In fact, hey, I think you should break up with him.
11:59Oh, my...
11:59Oh, oh, oh, my God.
12:02Oh, my God, Samir, is this bringing up a feeling?
12:05What feelings?
12:07From 10th grade.
12:08When you asked me out, but I said no because I was secretly hooking up with Tyler Parcell.
12:11No, this doesn't have anything to do with Tyler Parcell.
12:13Or his Porsche.
12:14Or his dad's Porsche.
12:15No, it doesn't have anything to do with that.
12:17No, I just worry that you're doing that thing where you put all your eggs in one basket,
12:20in the cart, before the horse.
12:22Yeah.
12:23Oh, my God.
12:25I'm doing it.
12:29Yeah.
12:30Yeah, it looks great.
12:34We all hang out in Lauren's office.
12:41It's so fun.
12:42No one actually watches the show, but there are a lot of celebrities there.
12:45Like who?
12:45Wait, you guys should just come with me next Saturday.
12:47To SNL?
12:48Yes.
12:49Oh, my God.
12:50I mean, me and Bowen, we're doing bits.
12:52I think he's single.
12:53Oh, really?
12:54Yeah, I met Emma Stone last week.
12:56I loved Easy A.
12:58Oh, hey, what?
12:59Why would you bring a plus one?
13:01I am your girlfriend.
13:02I am your plus one.
13:03But I asked you, like, 50 times.
13:04How do you even know her?
13:06You, like, barely have a cell phone.
13:07No, it's Jules.
13:08We volunteer together for Meals on Wheels.
13:10She's Meals, I'm Wheels.
13:11Oh, wow.
13:12So now you have your own sick little pet names for each other.
13:15That's amazing, Paul Baker.
13:16Oh, come on.
13:17You were going to do this no matter who I brought.
13:18That is not true.
13:20You brought Julia Fox.
13:23God, do you ever go on the fucking internet?
13:25Wait, have you been to jail?
13:27Not, like, real jail.
13:28No.
13:28Just, like, holding cell.
13:38Wow.
13:39Whoa.
13:40Okay.
13:41Oh, my God.
14:02Hi, baby.
14:03I like it when you call me Davey.
14:05Infant.
14:08Hmm?
14:09I wish I had no knowledge.
14:13Come on.
14:19What?
14:19I have to tell you something.
14:30And I have to make the slaw.
14:33That's right, I really have to tell you something.
14:41Woo!
14:41Top me off, baby.
14:42I will be.
14:43Hey.
14:45I read half your book.
14:46Fuck yeah, you did.
14:48Woo!
14:48Woo!
14:49Come on, toss it to me.
14:52No thanks.
14:53I love you.
15:02Wow.
15:03Oh, my God.
15:04Unbelievable.
15:06Oh, my God.
15:07Wow.
15:07Wow.
15:12If I may, I'd like to make a toast.
15:16Oh, my God.
15:16Please.
15:17To Paul Baker, thank you for inviting me here tonight.
15:21Of course.
15:22And I'd like to recite a line from my favorite poem.
15:25Wow.
15:26Live thy life, young and old, like yon oak, bright and spring, living gold.
15:32To all of you.
15:34Aw.
15:35Aw.
15:35Aw.
15:35Cheers.
15:36Oh, wait.
15:36Um, I actually have a toast as well.
15:40Uh, it's a poem that I wrote myself, uh, and it's called, Bleached Eyebrows Aren't
15:45a Personality.
15:46Okay.
15:46It goes, poor, poor girl bleached her eyebrows at home.
15:49Okay, toasting's done.
15:50Toasting's done.
15:51Well, actually, I'd like to say something to Billy.
15:53Aw.
15:53No, no, sorry.
15:54No, toasting's over.
15:56Sorry.
15:56We're all very hungry, right?
15:58Samir.
15:58Yeah, she said toasting's over.
16:00Too many toast is tacky, I think, at this point.
16:01Well, we can do one more toast.
16:03Yeah?
16:03Then can I just toast you in the kitchen real quick?
16:05What?
16:05Oh, perfect.
16:06Yeah, Paul Baker, can I toast you upstairs, please?
16:07No, no, no, no more toast.
16:08No more toast.
16:09We have a celebrity here, okay?
16:11Let's make her proud.
16:11Babe, do you want to do the honors?
16:16Oh, yeah.
16:17Wow, yes, thank you.
16:18Great.
16:18Wow.
16:20What a thing of beauty.
16:22It really looks great, Bill.
16:24It does.
16:26Okay, here we go.
16:29Oh!
16:31Oh, my God.
16:31Oh.
16:35Mmm.
16:36Oh, yeah.
16:36Oh, my God.
16:37Oh, my gosh.
16:39Did she forget to thaw that out?
16:41You have to thaw it?
16:44Wow.
16:45Gorgeous.
16:46Oh!
16:47Nice bit of skin for you, sir.
16:50She's a toughie bird.
16:52Oh, my God.
16:52How hungry are you, Julia?
16:54Not at all.
16:54I'm actually vegan.
16:55That's a nice place.
16:56Oh.
16:57Oh.
16:57Oh.
17:00For our beautiful chef.
17:04Bit of skin.
17:07Wait, wait, wait.
17:08Wait, everyone, wait.
17:09Listen.
17:10Au jour.
17:10First.
17:11No.
17:12Oh.
17:16And for you, my hallucination.
17:24All right, everyone.
17:26Tuck in.
17:28I'll just try it.
17:33Oh.
17:34Oh.
17:34Oh, my God.
17:35Mmm.
17:36Oh, my God.
17:37Mmm.
17:38And the sight is usually the best part, but not tonight.
17:42Don't.
17:42Oh.
17:44Oh.
17:45That's delicious.
17:49He's on ketamine.
17:53Pony dos.
17:54I...
17:54I...
17:59Tonight was supposed to be...
18:04I guess no one says grace anymore.
18:08Oh, my God.
18:09Oh.
18:09Hey.
18:09Yo.
18:11I...
18:11Do you guys have a bathroom?
18:20Just unlock the door, okay?
18:22I can drive you home.
18:23No! I'm the sixth housemate!
18:27Why wouldn't you tell me he was on ketamine?
18:28I said, I said that he's unhinged.
18:30I am the chandler of the group! I'm funny!
18:33You know what? I don't care. I'm going into...
18:35No, no, Samir, Samir, stop!
18:37Hey, dickhead! You can't treat my friend like that, all right?
18:40You're in my house!
18:42Samir!
18:43You live in your childhood home.
18:45You sleep in your childhood bed ensconced in the same walls
18:48where you first discovered your penis.
18:50You're not some man of the house, Samir.
18:53You are. Eloise.
18:56You fuck...
18:58Bro, get the fuck out of my house, man!
19:00Samir, stop! He's clearly going through something!
19:02Yeah, clearly he's going through...
19:03Why are you making excuses for this guy?
19:04I'm not making excuses, okay? You're being crazy!
19:07I'm being crazy? Yeah, you're being crazy.
19:08I'm being crazy, and he's breaking up with you.
19:12What?
19:14He told me. He's breaking up with you. He told me.
19:21Is that true?
19:23Billy, I think he might be my rock bottom.
19:35Hey.
19:36No, no, no.
19:37Hey, hey, hey.
19:38What the fuck?
19:39Oh.
19:40He's a fucking 40-year-old loser.
19:43He's 42.
19:44Who?
19:46I can give him the weird milk.
19:50We gotta get this guy the fuck out of here.
19:55Is that his phone?
20:01Which room?
20:01He's in the shower.
20:03Jesus Christ.
20:08Medic?
20:08Ex-wife.
20:11She didn't take her shoes off.
20:14We're past shoes off.
20:16Hey!
20:18Hillary?
20:19Are you...
20:20Yeah.
20:20I'm here now, apparently.
20:26Jesus Christ.
20:27I'm doing very good.
20:30Oh, you're down?
20:32Yeah.
20:32What'd you say?
20:34Let's go.
20:35Yeah, yeah.
20:37Do you want to come with us to the hospital?
20:39Oh, no.
20:41We broke up.
20:43So did we.
20:43You must hate me right now.
20:50Did he call you his rock bottom?
20:55Maybe he's yours, too.
20:58Okay, time to go.
21:00Say bye to Billy.
21:02Goodbye, Billy.
21:03Billy, say bye to Andrew.
21:05Bye.
21:07Okay.
21:11Easy does it.
21:12Can we stop for Taco Bell?
21:13Nope.
21:16The whole fucking time I'm trying to remember this guy's name.
21:19Andrew.
21:28I'm sorry, Julia.
21:30This night has been so...
21:32I feel like I've been my worst self around you.
21:35You know, listen, I don't know you.
21:37I don't know your name.
21:38It's Asa.
21:38But as Paul's friend, you're better than this.
21:41Go wash your face.
21:46I would love to do this.
21:49No.
21:50I'm not coming back out here.
21:51Yeah.
21:52I learned from my mistakes, and you should, too.
21:55But I can follow you back on Instagram.
21:56What's your name again?
21:57You want to just put it in?
21:58Oh, your rides.
21:59Oh, shit.
22:00My car's here.
22:02It's really nice to meet you, Tina, and I hope you get well soon, okay?
22:05Just hang in there.
22:08Bye.
22:09Bye.
22:12Fuck, Mr. Teacher.
22:14Fuck, Mr. Teacher.
22:16Eloise.
22:18I'm fucking...
22:20I'm Mr. Salamone, bitch.
22:24He manages the plaza.
22:25Ah.
22:26Should have said that.
22:26It would have been so good.
22:27I thought Issa was on dishes.
22:30Yeah, it was.
22:31You mean the key word there?
22:32Well, I got you.
22:35So, who else do you know?
22:36I was just thinking about that.
22:38Like, there's this woman, Scarlett, at my gym that I'm pretty close with.
22:40And I know she's an actress, so...
22:42Jesus Christ.
22:43Oh, and Kenny.
22:44I play chess with Kenny.
22:45No, I think that's just Kenny.
22:47Oh, hey, Bills.
22:48How are you, my love?
22:49I'm good.
22:50Yeah, I'm good.
22:52Ah!
22:53Ah!
22:57Sonny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
23:05Sonny, you smile at me and really ease the pain.
23:12The dark days are gone and the bright days are here.
23:17My Sonny one-shine, so sincere.
23:21Sonny, once so true.
23:23I love you.
23:27Thank you for the truth you let me see.
23:35Sonny, I love you.
23:39Thank you for...
23:40Haha, good a business.
23:42What happens, sir?
23:42No, no, no, no, no, no.
23:49Why don't you see this?
23:52What happens, sir?
23:54Why don't you see this...
23:54You see this is first, sir.
23:57Nothing.
24:03You see this fascia...
24:04How l nichts to do...
24:05Very patchy...
24:06What happens with of this...
24:08Is this Leben?
24:09It's you...
24:09Isn't this...
24:09It's...
24:10How l can do...
24:10Does it from this...