The Admiral Was a Lady

pvault

Films in Public Domain

Transcript

00:00:00♪♪

00:00:18♪ You and I can share the moonlit hours. Everything that's wonderful is ours.

00:00:30Spring that brings the rainbow-colored flowers. Everything that's wonderful is ours.

00:00:41A tender love, a dream, a heart to cling to. Someone to sing to. This love I bring to you is ours to share.

00:00:57For everything that's wonderful is yours and mine.

00:01:12Oh, this is the end.

00:01:15You're cockeyed, pal. This is only the beginning. Come on, cheer up, and I'll prove to you that every cloud has a silver lining.

00:01:24Let's go back about a hundred years ago, when a lot of folks, including my grandpa and grandma, started west.

00:01:31You know, if they hadn't made that trip, the Admiral's path and mine might never have crossed.

00:01:37Then, in 1876, General Custer made a stand. My grandpa stood alongside him. Well, for a little while, anyway.

00:01:45And if the Indians hadn't won that battle, Grandma would have gone back east, and the Admiral and I would never have tangled.

00:01:53San Francisco, 1906. Yes, sir, it's an ill wind that blows nobody good.

00:02:00It took an earthquake and a fire to keep my mother and dad in California, so that someday I might get to meet the Admiral.

00:02:08Comes 1917, and our boys shove off for France. My dad went along with them to fight the war, to end all wars.

00:02:19Then comes victory, and they come back loaded with souvenirs and memories.

00:02:26Yes, sir, it was fate about the Admiral and I.

00:02:30Comes 1945, the big war is over, and the lady with the light says,

00:02:37Welcome home to Uncle Sam's 10 million nephews. Welcome home to stateside.

00:02:4510 million homesick, happy GIs. My pals and I are among them.

00:02:51The shooting has stopped, but the shouting is still going on.

00:02:54We're home, back to rationed gas, synthetic rubber, and meat shortages.

00:03:00But it doesn't take long for the country to appear normal once more, from the east coast to the west coast.

00:03:06But it does take some of us servicemen a little longer to get readjusted.

00:03:10So, in recognition of this problem, our uncle organizes the 5220 Club, which means that a veteran can draw 20 bucks a week for 52 weeks.

00:03:19Sort of a basic training for civilian life.

00:03:22Well, the four of us are making our weekly call, following our regular schedule, when into our lives comes trouble.

00:03:29Pardon me, little lady, but you're in the wrong line. This line is for vets.

00:03:34Oh, are you a horse doctor?

00:03:38Social Security for Unemployed Comics is right over there.

00:03:42I was an ensign in the waves.

00:03:44Ooh, ooh, ooh, brass, brass.

00:03:46Uh-uh. Sorry, Admiral. No smoking in here.

00:03:49Oh, you police the area, too.

00:03:51That's right, that's right. And, uh, you're holding up the line.

00:03:54Next.

00:03:59Jane Madison. You won't be seeing me anymore. I'm leaving town.

00:04:03You worked in the past seven days? No.

00:04:05Refused employment? No.

00:04:06Able and available? Yes.

00:04:08Sign here.

00:04:12Here you are. Thank you.

00:04:14You're a duffel bag, Admiral. Or is it Mr. in the Navy?

00:04:17It's Miss, as in hit or miss.

00:04:28Next.

00:04:29Jimmy Stevens.

00:04:30Hi, Ethel, how are you?

00:04:31Well, I've been worried about you.

00:04:32Yeah, why?

00:04:33I was afraid you might have been trapped into getting a job.

00:04:35Oh, me? No.

00:04:36Is your company still intact?

00:04:37All presently accounted for. Front and center men.

00:04:39Eddie Hoff.

00:04:40How's it going, Eddie?

00:04:41Swell, Ethel.

00:04:42Oliver Bonelli. And I ain't worked in a month.

00:04:43Yes, I'm sure you haven't, Ollie.

00:04:45Michael O'Halloran.

00:04:46Something tells me you're Irish.

00:04:48Well, have you worked in the past seven days?

00:04:51No.

00:04:52Have you refused employment?

00:04:53No.

00:04:54Able and available?

00:04:55We're trying, Ethel.

00:04:56Exhibit A, Eddie.

00:04:57Look at this classified ad.

00:04:59At liberty, combat crew.

00:05:01Four specialists, eager and willing to drop bombs.

00:05:05Write box 109, give references.

00:05:07Do you mean to say no one's answered that?

00:05:09Nope, haven't had an ebble in three months.

00:05:11I just can't understand it.

00:05:12So, make with the checks, Ethel.

00:05:15Well, there's one question I have to ask you first.

00:05:18Yeah?

00:05:19What's that?

00:05:20Something new?

00:05:21Will all four of you marry me?

00:05:22Oh, Ethel, you're insane.

00:05:24It's just name of the day, baby.

00:05:25See you next week.

00:05:26Yeah, I'll see you, baby.

00:05:27Hey, don't forget those.

00:05:28Bye, Ethel.

00:05:29Bye.

00:05:30Here we have a look, please.

00:05:31Attention.

00:05:32Attention.

00:05:36Uh-oh.

00:05:37Avril, this time you're really on the wrong mind.

00:05:40Why?

00:05:41It's just a cash check.

00:05:42But they paid you for 10 cents.

00:05:43Jimmy can save you that dime.

00:05:45I'm in a hurry.

00:05:46I have to make an important phone call.

00:05:47Which brings the cost of your phone call to 15 cents.

00:05:4910 cents to get the nickel, and a nickel for the nickel to call.

00:05:52Of course, if you're so rich.

00:05:53Of course I'm not.

00:05:54But any place to charge you for service.

00:05:55Oh, no.

00:05:56Jimmy's got an angle.

00:05:57Well, it's fun, too.

00:05:58Well, I suppose they pay you for the honor of cashing your check.

00:06:01That's right.

00:06:02A big round quarter for each check.

00:06:04This I want to see.

00:06:05Fall in.

00:06:06Come on.

00:06:17Ah, here we are.

00:06:19Want you to meet my banker.

00:06:20Charming fellow.

00:06:21Came up the hard way.

00:06:22Used a rope ladder.

00:06:28It's been a pleasure to serve you, Mrs. Fenovesti.

00:06:30Good morning.

00:06:31Oh, no.

00:06:32I knew I should have gone on sick leave today.

00:06:34I hope I'm not disturbing you, my good man.

00:06:36My name is Gene.

00:06:37Don't tell me.

00:06:38I still have your old signature cards.

00:06:40And you're opening four new accounts with $20 checks.

00:06:43Five new accounts.

00:06:44Five?

00:06:45What are you doing?

00:06:46Recruiting?

00:06:47Now, if you'll just fill out your personal history for the First Nationals

00:06:49information.

00:06:50I have.

00:06:51I have.

00:06:52I have.

00:06:53I have.

00:06:54I have.

00:06:55I have.

00:06:56I have.

00:06:57And yours?

00:06:58And mine.

00:06:59Name?

00:07:00Gene Madison.

00:07:04Age?

00:07:0519.

00:07:07Sex?

00:07:08Female.

00:07:10Married a single?

00:07:11Single.

00:07:14Engaged.

00:07:15Wow.

00:07:16A genuine diamond.

00:07:18And you was worrying about a dime.

00:07:20I was and he was.

00:07:22And besides,

00:07:24Henry's ring doesn't represent money to me.

00:07:26Henry, huh?

00:07:28Mm-hmm.

00:07:29We're going to be married.

00:07:31Uh-huh.

00:07:32It figures.

00:07:33Your checks, please.

00:07:34And we will avoid the usual bookkeeping.

00:07:36There we are.

00:07:37Admiral.

00:07:39There.

00:07:40Oh, wait a minute.

00:07:41Where are the piggy banks that go with the new accounts?

00:07:43What's the First National trying to do, cheetahs?

00:07:45Sure.

00:07:46We've got a sign, sir.

00:07:47That's better.

00:07:48That's it.

00:07:49Oh, excuse me.

00:07:50You wouldn't want this one.

00:07:52The paint is microscopically scratched.

00:07:55Oh.

00:07:56There's another one.

00:07:57That's better.

00:07:58And now, you'll want to close your accounts, I presume.

00:08:00Nice presuming.

00:08:01Five twenties will do it.

00:08:03Do you mind if they wrinkle this time?

00:08:05No, no.

00:08:06Not at all.

00:08:08Admiral.

00:08:09Thank you and good morning.

00:08:10Come on.

00:08:11Wait a minute.

00:08:12Where's the 25 cent dividend?

00:08:14Oh, patience, Admiral.

00:08:15Patience.

00:08:16Come on.

00:08:17But I still need a nickel for the phone call.

00:08:19Now, why spend a nickel for a phone call?

00:08:20I can get it for you wholesale.

00:08:22Oh.

00:08:24Hiya, Benny.

00:08:25How are you?

00:08:26Jimmy.

00:08:27Yeah.

00:08:28I've been waiting for you.

00:08:29I sold out last week's banks already yesterday.

00:08:31Look, nothing.

00:08:32Well, you're in business again.

00:08:33Five today.

00:08:34Five quarters, my benign friend.

00:08:36Five?

00:08:37Is this what you call inflation?

00:08:38No, no.

00:08:39It's, shall we say, an unusual day, Benny.

00:08:41And it's an unusual demand.

00:08:43You've filled up for pigs with the neighborhood kids.

00:08:45Yeah.

00:08:46Nothing but banks they want all of a sudden.

00:08:48How do you do it?

00:08:49Oh, I just tell them if they work hard and save their money,

00:08:51they'll grow up and retire and live like us.

00:08:53What a philosophy this man lives by.

00:08:55Yeah, ain't he terrific?

00:08:56I must say, you're ambitious.

00:08:58You think so?

00:08:59Most men would accept their $20 a week and relax, but not you.

00:09:02You go out and make another quarter.

00:09:04And one for you.

00:09:06I still need a nickel for the phone.

00:09:08Uh-uh.

00:09:09You know, you'd like cigars with dollar bills, if I'd let you.

00:09:11Benny.

00:09:12Hmm?

00:09:13Um, Socrates once said, he is not only idle who does nothing,

00:09:16he is also idle who might be better employed.

00:09:18I ain't idle all day.

00:09:20I ain't idle.

00:09:21No, no, but your phone is.

00:09:23Do you realize, Benny, that somewhere someone is waiting for their phone to ring?

00:09:27They sit and wait and wait and nothing happens.

00:09:30Just silence.

00:09:31And there's your phone sitting there, idle.

00:09:34Never thought of it that way.

00:09:35Well, come on.

00:09:36Let's spread some happiness around.

00:09:37Oh, but I wouldn't want to.

00:09:38No, go ahead, lady.

00:09:40Please.

00:09:41We've got to spread joy.

00:09:42But no long distance joy.

00:09:44Keep the joy local.

00:09:45Hmm?

00:09:49I'm sorry.

00:09:50Do you mind?

00:09:51Oh, it's quite all right.

00:09:52Benny, Benny.

00:09:53She means she'd like some privacy.

00:09:54Come on.

00:10:01Hello.

00:10:02Is this Mr. Marlow's secretary?

00:10:04Oh, yes, it's me again.

00:10:06I'm sorry to bother you, but...

00:10:08Well, I had to check out of the Cotton Hotel today,

00:10:11and I'll have to go back to Walla Walla unless...

00:10:13Poor kid's broke.

00:10:15What?

00:10:18You say you've heard from Henry?

00:10:20Well, isn't it wonderful they've heard from Henry?

00:10:22Well, it's a small world.

00:10:25Oh, excuse me.

00:10:26I was just talking to some crazy people who've been wonderful to me.

00:10:29Oh, where did Henry...

00:10:30I mean, Mr. Marlow said he wanted me to meet him.

00:10:35What?

00:10:38Oh, there must be some mistake.

00:10:43But I've been waiting here for him for two weeks.

00:10:49Well...

00:10:52Didn't he even ask about me?

00:10:57Didn't he even mention my name?

00:11:01Oh...

00:11:03Didn't he even say where he is?

00:11:09Stood up, huh?

00:11:10Yeah.

00:11:11Jimmy, there's no joy there.

00:11:12Maybe she got the wrong number.

00:11:16When he does get back,

00:11:18tell him I've gone to Walla Walla.

00:11:22Of course they have telephones in Walla Walla.

00:11:32Hey, the doll's crying.

00:11:34Poor kid.

00:11:35It's kind of tough when you're in love and things go wrong.

00:11:37Gee, it does something to me when I see a girl crying.

00:11:40I'd like to get my hands on that dirty stinker just once.

00:11:43What kind of a guy would brush off a nice kid like that?

00:11:45Here she comes.

00:11:46Ollie, get the limousine and pick us up.

00:11:48Roger.

00:11:53Excuse me.

00:11:56Oh.

00:12:00Hi.

00:12:01Hi.

00:12:06You boys have been very kind.

00:12:11Thanks a lot.

00:12:14Bye.

00:12:17Look, is it all right if I find this Henry carriage and muss him up just a little bit, huh?

00:12:21Oh, then you won't be hurt.

00:12:23We couldn't help listening in.

00:12:24Oh, that's all right.

00:12:25You mustn't think I'm upset.

00:12:27Sure, we understand.

00:12:28Look, we'll drop you off at the airport, the depot, or the camel barns,

00:12:32whichever way you get to Walla Walla.

00:12:34Well, it's the bus station, but my bus doesn't leave until five o'clock.

00:12:37Not till five?

00:12:38Hey, she can spend the rest of the day with us.

00:12:40Watch us work.

00:12:41Sure.

00:12:42Work?

00:12:43Are you drawing money from the government because you're not working?

00:12:45Oh, we wouldn't work for money.

00:12:46No, that would not be legal.

00:12:47You account the payment on this.

00:12:49Come on.

00:12:50How about it?

00:12:54Sure we do.

00:12:55Hey, here comes our limousine.

00:12:57Taxi?

00:12:58Taxi, mister?

00:12:59Allow me.

00:13:02That belongs to you?

00:13:03No, no.

00:13:04We just use it to get around to our appointments.

00:13:05Let him in the takeoff.

00:13:06Roger, man.

00:13:08Up you go.

00:13:10Contact on it.

00:13:18Why don't you look where you're going, you stupid Josh?

00:13:21Wait a minute.

00:13:22The taxi.

00:13:23Follow that truck.

00:13:25Well, music and everything, huh?

00:13:30Eddie hasn't played that song for a long time.

00:13:32Oh.

00:13:33I guess you made him take a Lois.

00:13:35Lois?

00:13:36Yeah, the girl Eddie's in love with.

00:13:38Oh, he's in love too.

00:13:40Yeah, but she don't even know he's alive.

00:13:42You see what we've got here?

00:13:43Stop right now.

00:13:44I don't care.

00:13:45I don't care.

00:13:46I don't care.

00:13:47I don't care.

00:13:48I don't care.

00:13:49I don't care.

00:13:50I don't care.

00:13:51I don't care.

00:13:52I don't care.

00:13:53You see what we've got?

00:13:54Stop writing a book, Mike.

00:13:55Hey, Admiral, tell us about Henry.

00:13:56Where'd you meet him?

00:13:57Pearl Harbor.

00:13:58Army in eight.

00:13:59US Army.

00:14:00Oh.

00:14:01Henry's wonderful.

00:14:03He's, uh ...

00:14:04He's charming, and talented, and ambitious.

00:14:07Overconfident.

00:14:08Let a girl like you run around loose.

00:14:10I'm not loose.

00:14:11He's busy in Paris putting a show together.

00:14:14Paris, hey?

00:14:15I got busy in Paris once.

00:14:17Just tomatoes ...

00:14:18Okay, okay, okay.

00:14:20Approaching the target.

00:14:21And ready to run, man?

00:14:22Get ready for the run, men.

00:14:25Here we go, bombs away.

00:14:27Yes, folks, however you like the music,

00:14:29you can't go wrong if you go to Wright's Music Store,

00:14:31House of Happy Harmony.

00:14:34And some radio photograph combinations,

00:14:36lightweight portable radios,

00:14:38and records to suit your every mood.

00:14:40Go right to Wright's, where the price is right,

00:14:42the records are right, and Wright is right.

00:14:44You'll be right if you go to Wright's.

00:14:48Is that right?

00:14:49That's right.

00:14:50What a gift I get.

00:14:52How long do you four grown men have to do that

00:14:54for this silly little radio?

00:14:56A year.

00:14:57A whole year?

00:14:58Yeah, but that also includes a broken-down piano

00:15:00and our den, don't forget.

00:15:02Oh, I'll try hard to remember.

00:15:03More important, it provides us with five gallons of gas

00:15:06per day and wheels.

00:15:09I'm so glad that you boys don't have to depend

00:15:11upon a common streetcar.

00:15:12Oh, no, no, they cost money.

00:15:14OK, Ollie, full throttle.

00:15:16Proceed to rendezvous.

00:15:17Roger.

00:15:22Hey, Clarence, how are you?

00:15:24Thank you, sir.

00:15:25Ah, there we go.

00:15:27How do you like the place?

00:15:32Yes, sir?

00:15:34Well, how do I get in?

00:15:36You apply to the board for membership,

00:15:38which I understand requires you to pass a blood test.

00:15:41If the results are favorable,

00:15:43you are then permitted to pay $5,000.

00:15:46That's $5,000?

00:15:48Yes, sir.

00:15:49If the results are favorable,

00:15:50you are then permitted to pay $5,000 to get in.

00:15:54Where can I invest five cents in a phone call?

00:15:57The public phone is over there.

00:15:59Thanks.

00:16:05I don't know what they're doing, Mr. Pettigrew.

00:16:07They won't let me in.

00:16:10Yes, sir, Mr. Pettigrew, the same ones

00:16:12I called you about this morning.

00:16:15You can depend on me, Mr. Pettigrew.

00:16:17Yes, sir.

00:16:28There has to be a catch to this somewhere.

00:16:31How can you afford it?

00:16:32We can't afford it. It's free.

00:16:35I should have guessed.

00:16:37Yeah, you see, once a week Mike relieves the lifeguard

00:16:39and we take over.

00:16:40Well, here's our lunch.

00:16:43Hey, Jimmy, what about lunch for the Admiral?

00:16:45Secretary said you sold me to him for one cabana,

00:16:47four free admissions, four cold lunches,

00:16:49and four Cokes, and that's all.

00:16:51Buy another box lunch.

00:16:52Buy one?

00:16:53Are you trying to give Jimmy ulcers?

00:16:55I like your spirit, Admiral.

00:16:57You can share our lunch.

00:16:59I'll share yours.

00:17:00I'm not going to take the food out of Mike's mouth.

00:17:02He's the one that does the work.

00:17:03Well, it's not much work.

00:17:04As a matter of fact, I can't even swim.

00:17:06You can't swim?

00:17:07I can't even float.

00:17:08You can't swim?

00:17:09I can't even float.

00:17:10With water wings, he can float.

00:17:12But this isn't funny.

00:17:13All those people feel safe because they think you can save them.

00:17:16Shh, the Secretary might hear.

00:17:18I hope he does before somebody starts drowning.

00:17:20Shh, pipe down, Admiral.

00:17:22Now, nobody's drowning.

00:17:23And even if they were, we've got Ollie.

00:17:25I personally have seen Ollie pull five tired GIs

00:17:28out of the English Channel.

00:17:30Then why isn't he the lifeguard?

00:17:32Oh, Admiral, Admiral, you just don't understand selling,

00:17:35my dear young girl.

00:17:36Now, take a look at Mike.

00:17:38And then take a look at Ollie.

00:17:43What's that?

00:17:44It's coming from over there.

00:17:49Where's the telephone?

00:17:52Funny, it's never rung here before.

00:17:54Gee, maybe the Secretary heard the Admiral's sound at all.

00:17:58Well, aren't you going to answer it?

00:18:00I guess so.

00:18:02Something tells me I'm making a mistake.

00:18:04Well, here goes.

00:18:08Hello?

00:18:11I made a mistake.

00:18:12The State Employment Service.

00:18:13How did they trace us here?

00:18:14Charles.

00:18:17Who?

00:18:18Peter Pettigrew, the jukebox king.

00:18:21What does he want with a combat crew?

00:18:23Have you guys been putting slugs in his machine?

00:18:25Well, all right, tell him we'll be right down there.

00:18:28It looks like they got us.

00:18:29What do we do?

00:18:30Calm down, men, calm down.

00:18:32Don't worry, I'll discourage them.

00:18:34But maybe they're good jobs.

00:18:35Well, what difference does that make?

00:18:37You mean you don't want any jobs at all?

00:18:39We can't afford to work.

00:18:40Mike, you'd better go with me.

00:18:41I may need protection.

00:18:42Any man who offers us a job can't be trusted.

00:18:44Jimmy, remember what your old pal Socrates said.

00:18:47He is not only our...

00:18:48Yes, but don't forget he died sane.

00:18:50Now, you fellas can see how to the bus, can't you?

00:18:52Yeah, sure.

00:18:53Well, kiss Walla Walla for me.

00:18:58Hey, that was good.

00:18:59Kiss Henry for me.

00:19:04Oh, I'll get such a nice fellow and be so...

00:19:08useless.

00:19:09Irresponsible.

00:19:26Uh-uh, looks like a robbery.

00:19:28Uh-uh, looks like a rough landing, Mike.

00:19:29Yeah.

00:19:30Now, you got it the same as Operation X-2.

00:19:32Use them in a draw that fire.

00:19:33I'll hold them off as long as I can,

00:19:34but if I need your help, I'll give you the signal.

00:19:36And I'll come in full throttle.

00:19:37Roger.

00:19:41Yes?

00:19:42My name is James Stevens.

00:19:43Oh, yes, go right in, won't you?

00:19:52You know, you look just like a detective.

00:19:59Mr. Stevens?

00:20:00That's right.

00:20:03I presume you've heard of me.

00:20:04I'm Peter Pettigrew, the jukebox king.

00:20:06Shall I kneel?

00:20:07No, you may sit down.

00:20:08Oh, thank you.

00:20:09Have a cigar?

00:20:10Don't mind if I do.

00:20:12You know, there's an ugly rumor circulating around

00:20:14that you're in need of some hired help.

00:20:16It is not a rumor, Mr. Stevens,

00:20:17and your assumed uncouth attitude

00:20:19does not upset me in the least.

00:20:22Where's the rest of your crew?

00:20:23I take care of them.

00:20:24You certainly do.

00:20:25I have a report on you.

00:20:26When a man of your capabilities

00:20:28does so much work to avoid work,

00:20:30he must have a good reason,

00:20:31a darn good reason.

00:20:32Such as?

00:20:33Well, you see,

00:20:35these three guys were with me when I...

00:20:38Well...

00:20:39Look, it's none of your business.

00:20:41Now, what do you want with a combat crew?

00:20:43I want you to prevent a young lady from leaving town,

00:20:45a girl named Jean Madison.

00:20:47The admiral?

00:20:48And you need a combat crew to help you?

00:20:50Have you seen this little girl?

00:20:51She comes up to him and says,

00:20:52You see, I've had you trailed

00:20:53ever since this morning

00:20:54when you first got mixed up with her.

00:20:55We just got unmixed.

00:20:56She's leaving town.

00:20:57No, she isn't.

00:20:58You're going to keep her here.

00:20:59Pettigrew, you're too late.

00:21:00The admiral, uh, Jean,

00:21:01I mean, Miss Madison,

00:21:02intends to marry a guy named Henry.

00:21:04Sorry.

00:21:05And I intend to see that she does,

00:21:06just as soon as my detectives

00:21:07deliver Henry Marlowe tomorrow.

00:21:08Look, I don't like this whole thing with detectives,

00:21:10and I don't want any part of a plot

00:21:11that might hurt that little kid,

00:21:12so count me out.

00:21:14And I have no alternative.

00:21:15I have no choice.

00:21:16I have no choice.

00:21:17I have no choice.

00:21:18I have no choice.

00:21:19I have no choice.

00:21:20Count me out.

00:21:21And I have no alternative

00:21:22but to put you to work.

00:21:23Work?

00:21:24Work!

00:21:25Did you say work?

00:21:26I did.

00:21:27I have a spot in my organization

00:21:29where I could wedge in a combat crew if necessary.

00:21:31But the Constitution states clearly...

00:21:33Permit me to do the same.

00:21:34All you have to do to remain unemployed

00:21:36is to keep this young lady with you for 24 hours.

00:21:38But according to the G.I. Bill of Rights...

00:21:40That'll get you nowhere.

00:21:41According to my watch,

00:21:42you have 17 minutes and 30 seconds

00:21:43to take this young lady off the bus

00:21:45or go to work.

00:21:47He ain't kidding.

00:21:48Let's take off!

00:21:50Let's go!

00:21:56Goodbye, Admiral.

00:21:57It's been swell knowing you.

00:21:58Yeah, good night.

00:21:59Eddie! Eddie!

00:22:00Albie! Albie!

00:22:01The Admiral! The Admiral!

00:22:02Where is she?

00:22:03What's the matter?

00:22:04What's the matter?

00:22:05Come on, Admiral.

00:22:06You're not going to Walla Walla.

00:22:07What is it?

00:22:08Well, something very important's happening.

00:22:09You're just not going to Walla Walla.

00:22:10Hey, hey!

00:22:11You can't put your woman around like that.

00:22:12Unless she's your wife.

00:22:13I'll go drive your bus.

00:22:14What is this?

00:22:15Do you realize you've ruined my nylon?

00:22:16Well, there's something much more important than nylon.

00:22:18Nothing is more important than nylon.

00:22:19Money can't buy them.

00:22:20Besides, this is one of the last repairs I save for Henry.

00:22:22Henry?

00:22:23Yes, that's it.

00:22:24What?

00:22:25Henry.

00:22:26Henry what?

00:22:27Well, Henry's coming home tomorrow by plane.

00:22:29How do you know?

00:22:30Well, it was a miracle.

00:22:31We happened by the purest accident

00:22:33to be in the lobby of the Carlton Hotel

00:22:35and you were pazed.

00:22:36You know, a call for fill...

00:22:38I mean, overseas call for Jean Madison.

00:22:40Overseas call for Jean Madison.

00:22:42And you answered it?

00:22:43Sure.

00:22:44I thought maybe we could give you the message.

00:22:45Oh, how nice of you.

00:22:47And it was Henry

00:22:48and you talked to him?

00:22:49Yes, he was very upset.

00:22:50I told him what had happened

00:22:51and he couldn't imagine what had become of his letters.

00:22:53Oh, you see, I told you it was a mistake.

00:22:56Sure.

00:22:57What'd he say?

00:22:58What'd he say?

00:22:59Well, he said, he said, uh...

00:23:01He said to tell you that he loved you

00:23:03and that he kept you a picture in his heart

00:23:05every minute of every day

00:23:07and that he remembered the way your eyes sparkled

00:23:09and that wonderful little bubble when you laugh

00:23:12and your cute little turned-up nose and...

00:23:16No one but Henry would think of saying those things.

00:23:19No.

00:23:20Jimmy would.

00:23:22You and Henry certainly seemed to hit it off.

00:23:24You bet we did.

00:23:25And he made me promise to keep you right with us

00:23:27until he got here.

00:23:28And I couldn't do that.

00:23:29Well, you don't want me to go back

00:23:30on my promise to Henry, do you?

00:23:31You wouldn't have enough room.

00:23:32I'd crouch.

00:23:33Well, I think we can manage to squeeze her in.

00:23:35Don't you think so, fellas?

00:23:36Shut up.

00:23:37Come on.

00:23:38Come on.

00:23:47Welcome to our cozy little cottage.

00:23:49Surely you don't live here.

00:23:51Uh-huh.

00:23:53They could build bombers in that.

00:23:55They did.

00:23:56Left rudder, Ollie.

00:24:07Behold, Rest Haven.

00:24:09It's amazing.

00:24:11You've made quite a little home out of this tremendous land.

00:24:13We call this room the Pirate's Den.

00:24:15The way you boys operate, I'd say the name was appropriate.

00:24:17Uh-huh.

00:24:18Great.

00:24:19Lovely.

00:24:22This coffee table, what is it?

00:24:24Just a couple of turret blisters.

00:24:26And a loveseat.

00:24:28Yeah, that was a two-man life raft.

00:24:30Yeah, get a load of that lamp.

00:24:31That's just a control wheel with a blister top.

00:24:33Sure, all this stuff is just salvage, war surplus,

00:24:35secondhand.

00:24:36I can hardly believe my eyes.

00:24:38It's incredible.

00:24:39Not with a man of taste and ingenuity.

00:24:41Eddie here can take all the bows for this.

00:24:43Why, Eddie, you're wonderful.

00:24:45You can make real money as an interior decorator.

00:24:47Do you think so?

00:24:48Why, of course.

00:24:49All you have to do is go out and get yourself a job.

00:24:51Uh-uh.

00:24:52Stop trying to poison the minds of my men.

00:24:54He has talent, and I think it should be put to use.

00:24:57Observe our unhappy faces

00:24:59before we learn the secret of successful living.

00:25:02Well, it's Mike.

00:25:03Yeah.

00:25:04Prior to his engagement with the Bronco Kid.

00:25:06He must have done a lot of fighting, Mike.

00:25:0814 fights, 14 knockouts.

00:25:11What a wonderful record.

00:25:14Yeah, but I got tired of being knocked out.

00:25:17Rosin's bad for the complexion.

00:25:19Pipe the character, push in the hat.

00:25:21Oh, hello, Ollie.

00:25:23Yeah, I used to operate in the Bronx.

00:25:25I can go to the taxi cab.

00:25:27Yeah, until Jimmy showed me how to live without working.

00:25:29Thank you, my boy.

00:25:32What do we have here?

00:25:34Well, that's Jimmy before the war

00:25:36when he had his own employment agency.

00:25:38Employment agency?

00:25:40Oh, no.

00:25:42Well, at least you approve of other people working.

00:25:45Yes, but that was before the war.

00:25:47Yeah.

00:25:48Well, I see we have our old friend Socrates with us, too.

00:25:51Oh, yeah.

00:25:52And as he once said...

00:25:54Yes, I know. I was there when he said it.

00:25:56Oh.

00:25:57Was she?

00:25:58Isn't this Eddie?

00:26:00Yeah, that's me.

00:26:02Oh, hi, Eddie.

00:26:04What a lovely girl.

00:26:06Yes, she was.

00:26:07Was?

00:26:08I mean, she is lovely.

00:26:10Admiral, you've got a big night ahead of you.

00:26:12Wouldn't you like to freshen up?

00:26:14Well, if you have a powder room.

00:26:16Powder room?

00:26:17Powder room?

00:26:18Oh!

00:26:19Right this way.

00:26:22Here we go.

00:26:28Good heavens!

00:26:30Uh, may I make my choice?

00:26:34Sure.

00:26:35You know...

00:26:38Funny, but back home there are nine of us in the family.

00:26:42Oh, really?

00:26:44Only one bacon.

00:26:46Oh, that's tough.

00:26:48Well, don't forget, shine up real pretty,

00:26:50because we're dining at the Egyptian room tonight.

00:26:53Oh, the Egyptian room.

00:26:55Do we dress?

00:26:56Oh, of course.

00:26:58Well...

00:27:00Well...

00:27:05Well, I never expected anything as elegant as this.

00:27:09Oh, it's nothing really.

00:27:10We come here all the time.

00:27:11We have an end with a head waiter.

00:27:13We call this joint the Egyptian room,

00:27:15because out there looks like the Sahara out there.

00:27:17Eddie painted the mural in a fit, see?

00:27:19I told you he was talented.

00:27:22Chicken's good, huh?

00:27:23Frankly, I seem to be getting all the tough pieces.

00:27:27Well, this one looks better.

00:27:30It's all tough.

00:27:34This chicken has been cooking four days.

00:27:36Four days?

00:27:38On a spit.

00:27:39A spit?

00:27:40In a rotisserie window.

00:27:41Now, the only thing is,

00:27:42this chicken's been on the fire for five days.

00:27:44Wait a minute.

00:27:46You mean this is five-day chicken?

00:27:47Yeah.

00:27:48But our contract with Pierre reads

00:27:49that he only cooked the chicken for four days.

00:27:50What happened?

00:27:51Yeah, well, he took off an extra 30 cents

00:27:53from our usual 50% discount.

00:27:55Why didn't you say so?

00:27:57Thank you, 30 cents.

00:27:59You know, this poor bird's been going around and around

00:28:01on a spit for five days without getting anywhere.

00:28:05It reminds me of some charming young men I met recently.

00:28:08If you worked half as hard at doing something useful

00:28:10as you do at staying unemployed, well...

00:28:12Admiral?

00:28:13That's a very unoriginal thought,

00:28:14and it reminds me of a very obnoxious man

00:28:16I met somewhere recently.

00:28:18Oh, uh, Jimmy,

00:28:19where are we gonna bunk the Admiral tonight?

00:28:20But I can't sleep here.

00:28:22Why not? It's just a barracks.

00:28:23Yeah, and you were awake.

00:28:24We'll swing a hammock for you, Admiral,

00:28:25all the comforts of the Navy.

00:28:27You boys don't look anything like my former roommate.

00:28:30But aren't you forgetting Henry?

00:28:32Henry made me promise to keep you here.

00:28:34Oh, but he doesn't even know you.

00:28:36Well, that's true, but, um...

00:28:38Well, he trusted me the moment he heard

00:28:40the honest ring of my voice.

00:28:42I-I think it's the start of a great friendship

00:28:44between Henry and me.

00:28:46And, uh, besides, uh,

00:28:48Henry was gonna call you here tomorrow.

00:28:49You-you don't want to miss Henry's call, do you?

00:28:52Oh, no, but I...

00:28:53Don't worry, Admiral, I'll protect you.

00:28:55I'll even sleep in front of your door.

00:28:57Yeah, and I'll sleep in front of him.

00:28:58And I'll hit you with the chicken.

00:29:00I'd rather you threw a chair.

00:29:24Hey.

00:29:25What do you think you're gonna...

00:29:27Well, I kind of figured that the Admiral

00:29:29on account of the hammock

00:29:30would like another pillow, maybe.

00:29:32Anyhow, what are you doing?

00:29:33I figured she might be a little cold.

00:29:35What about you, Eddie?

00:29:37What did you figure?

00:29:38I-I just thought she might be thirsty.

00:29:40You know, you boyscouts are gonna run out of good deeds.

00:29:42You better save some for tomorrow.

00:29:44Back to quarters.

00:29:48Yes, sir, Captain.

00:29:51Yes, sir, Captain.

00:30:12Oh, who's there?

00:30:14Oh, no, no, no, don't come in.

00:30:16Pipe down, Admiral.

00:30:18What are you trying to do, wake everybody up?

00:30:20Certainly, what do you think you're doing?

00:30:22Just making my rounds.

00:30:23Well, don't tell me you're a night watchman, too.

00:30:25Sure.

00:30:26How do you think we get a place like this rent-free?

00:30:27Rent-free.

00:30:28That's right.

00:30:29Oh, don't you ever want to do anything worthwhile?

00:30:32Don't you have any ambition?

00:30:34Ambition?

00:30:35Oh, uh, you mean to rise in the world?

00:30:39Yes, of course.

00:30:40And be rich and famous?

00:30:42You could, you know.

00:30:43And have everybody admire me

00:30:44because I have a big office in a 20-story building?

00:30:47Wouldn't that be wonderful,

00:30:48a big office in a 20-story building?

00:30:51No.

00:30:52Have you ever looked down from up there?

00:30:53People look like mice.

00:30:54And if you go 10 stories higher, they look like ants.

00:30:57I want people who look like people.

00:30:59You don't take anything seriously, do you?

00:31:02Why are you afraid?

00:31:04What?

00:31:06She must have hurt you very much.

00:31:09What are you talking about?

00:31:11Oh, don't try to hide it from me.

00:31:13Only a woman could have made you so bitter.

00:31:16Oh.

00:31:18Oh, I didn't think anyone would ever guess my secret.

00:31:23I guessed.

00:31:25Well, you must have studied psychiatry in the waves, huh?

00:31:29No.

00:31:30No, it's just that a woman feels those kind of things.

00:31:35What's her name?

00:31:37Her name?

00:31:40Cynthia.

00:31:42Cynthia.

00:31:45Is it all over?

00:31:48Please, I'd rather not talk about it just now.

00:31:51Oh, I understand, but don't let it get you down.

00:31:56One of these days, the right girl will come along.

00:32:00Do you think so?

00:32:01Of course she will.

00:32:05Oh.

00:32:06Say, that Henry's a lucky fellow, isn't he?

00:32:08And if you want to be bright and shiny for him tomorrow,

00:32:10well, you'd just better get some shut-eye, that's all.

00:32:13Well.

00:32:17Bon voyage, Admiral.

00:32:19Bon voyage.

00:32:20Bon voyage.

00:32:27Pleasant dreams.

00:32:35Cynthia.

00:32:38What a silly name.

00:33:09What's on the program today, Jimmy?

00:33:11Well, we have several important things to...

00:33:13Good morning.

00:33:14Well, good morning, Admiral.

00:33:16Your breakfast awaits you.

00:33:17Yes, that's very nice of you.

00:33:19Toast, cereal, and how would you like your eggs?

00:33:21Well, uh, boiled.

00:33:23Three minutes, I presume.

00:33:25Oh, it really doesn't matter.

00:33:26Of course it matters.

00:33:27Just because you eat chicken that's overcooked

00:33:29is no reason why you can't have your eggs timed to perfection.

00:33:32Isn't she wonderful?

00:33:33Now, I ask you, you know this Henry's a real lucky fellow.

00:33:36Look at this.

00:33:38Look at the way that toast is done just right now.

00:33:41Isn't it strange?

00:33:42It's so terrific.

00:33:43I've got to try this jam.

00:33:44That's raspberry, isn't it?

00:33:45Uh-huh.

00:33:46Uh-uh.

00:33:49You bet it's better than the army.

00:33:52I've got to have some of that jam.

00:33:53I think it's strawberry.

00:33:54Uh-uh.

00:33:55Uh-uh.

00:34:01That's funny.

00:34:02They're as hard as rocks.

00:34:03There must be something wrong with the timing device.

00:34:05There's nothing wrong with the egg cook, Admiral.

00:34:07You see, we get our eggs from...

00:34:08Oh, no, no.

00:34:09Don't tell me.

00:34:10Let me guess.

00:34:11Uh, these are all Easter eggs with a color wash to them.

00:34:14That's pretty good, though.

00:34:15No, we get our eggs from Joe Venuta.

00:34:17Joe has a bar where he sells beer.

00:34:19They're also hard-boiled eggs for the customers.

00:34:21And he likes to serve fresh hard-boiled eggs every day.

00:34:23Oh, and you get what's left over for one-third off.

00:34:2650%.

00:34:27What do you think we are, philanthropists?

00:34:28Well, wouldn't you rather have fresh eggs?

00:34:30Well, of course.

00:34:31Who wouldn't?

00:34:32Wouldn't we rather eat fresh eggs?

00:34:33Well, you get them by working, you know.

00:34:34I had that idea once.

00:34:35I came up with a dishwashing job, but Jimmy said...

00:34:37Jimmy said no.

00:34:38Ah, no.

00:34:39That's it.

00:34:40Throw away all your principles and follow Jimmy.

00:34:42Whenever you get a useful idea, just throw it away and make Jimmy happy.

00:34:46Look, Admiral.

00:34:47Today, Henry will be flying home from Paris.

00:34:48You'll get married and live happily ever after on your philosophy.

00:34:51And we'll continue happily on our philosophy.

00:34:53And never the twain shall meet again.

00:34:55Uh-huh.

00:34:56That's probably your half of the twain right now.

00:35:00Stevens Employment Ag...

00:35:01Mr. Pettigrew.

00:35:04What's wrong?

00:35:07Oh, no.

00:35:08Hold everything.

00:35:09I'll be right down.

00:35:12Mike.

00:35:13We gotta go see a man about a job.

00:35:14A job?

00:35:15Yeah.

00:35:16If we don't see about it, we may have to take it, so...

00:35:18Come on.

00:35:23But I tell you, Stevens, it's not my fault.

00:35:25I had Henry in the palm of my hand, ready for a ten o'clock delivery.

00:35:27And now, he's gone.

00:35:29Gone where?

00:35:30With Shirley, of course.

00:35:31What'd you do?

00:35:32Nothing.

00:35:35What's the matter with him?

00:35:36I don't know. He's having a fit, I guess.

00:35:38Looks like a new dance.

00:35:39No, it's my sack, Willie.

00:35:41I can always slip something when I think of Shirley.

00:35:43Oh, unravel him, Mike.

00:35:44He can fix you.

00:35:45Come on.

00:35:46Don't worry about it.

00:35:47Just don't...

00:35:48Just relax.

00:35:53There.

00:35:54How do you feel now?

00:35:55Much better.

00:35:56It takes my doctor an hour to do that.

00:35:58Now, forget about that.

00:35:59Now, who's this Shirley you're talking about?

00:36:01She's the most terrible, unscrupulous, fascinating woman I've ever met.

00:36:06I've had to divorce her twice.

00:36:08And each divorce settlement cost me a fortune.

00:36:10Now, she's rich.

00:36:11And I...

00:36:12I need money desperately, urgently, to expand my business.

00:36:15Hey, you know what you ought to do?

00:36:16You ought to remarry her for your money.

00:36:18You're very clever, aren't you?

00:36:19That was my plan.

00:36:20She's my only liquid asset.

00:36:22Oh.

00:36:23You mean she's willing to remarry you?

00:36:25Of course.

00:36:26We have a horrible fascination for each other.

00:36:29She was coming back to marry me.

00:36:30It was all arranged.

00:36:31But then...

00:36:32She met Henry on the boat.

00:36:34Hey, this Henry character must be a Prince Charlie on wheels, huh?

00:36:37Oh, he's a dope.

00:36:38How could he slough off a nice kid like the Admiral?

00:36:40Well, he isn't trying to slough her off.

00:36:41He doesn't even know she's in town.

00:36:43He loves her madly.

00:36:46I'd lose more nickels that way.

00:36:48Oh, my Shirley's so beautifully wicked.

00:36:51She's been bribing Henry's secretary.

00:36:53And Henry thinks that the girl you're holding has jilted him.

00:36:55She's pretty smart.

00:36:56But don't worry.

00:36:57We'll outfox her.

00:36:58No one has ever outfoxed Shirley.

00:37:00Ah, we're a cinch.

00:37:01All we've got to do is bring the Admiral and Henry together,

00:37:03and our problems are over.

00:37:04But we can't find Henry.

00:37:06We can't find him.

00:37:07Shirley has smuggled him underground.

00:37:08I have 25 detectives working 24 hours a day

00:37:11trying to track them down without a single clue.

00:37:14You've got to hold her another day.

00:37:16Oh, no, she's a menace.

00:37:17She keeps on putting ideas about work in the minds of my men.

00:37:20Ah, she's a labor agitator.

00:37:22No dice.

00:37:23Come on, Mike.

00:37:24I'll have you on the slave market in the morning.

00:37:26Get me the State Employment Bureau.

00:37:28Why, you...

00:37:29Violence will get you nowhere.

00:37:30Give me that phone.

00:37:31Operator, change that number to...

00:37:32Hampstead 7-4693.

00:37:34What are you going to do?

00:37:35I'm not going to whistle Dixie.

00:37:38Hello.

00:37:39Miss Madison?

00:37:40This is Air Francais speaking.

00:37:42How you say en anglais?

00:37:43The French air transport company.

00:37:46Excuse one moment, please, Miss Madison.

00:37:48You speak French?

00:37:49Yes.

00:37:50Well, speak.

00:37:51Hey, Mike, do an airplane.

00:37:52Excuse the interruption, Miss Madison.

00:37:53I have for you the message from Monsieur Malheur.

00:37:56Monsieur Malheur has missed the plane of today

00:37:58and will be on the plane of tomorrow.

00:38:00Set his own.

00:38:01Hello.

00:38:02Merci.

00:38:03Merci.

00:38:04I hear me.

00:38:05Ah, come on, you lovey.

00:38:08Vive la France!

00:38:09Vive la France!

00:38:18Well?

00:38:19Holding a weight for anyone I know?

00:38:20She's going back to Walla Walla.

00:38:22No.

00:38:23No, you can't do that to us.

00:38:24I mean to Henry.

00:38:25She heard from Henry.

00:38:26Well, of course she heard from Henry.

00:38:27He's in love with her.

00:38:28He thinks of every minute of the day.

00:38:29It's not his fault that he's been delayed.

00:38:32Wait a minute.

00:38:34How did you know he was delayed?

00:38:36Well, it's in your attitude.

00:38:37But what about my word, my bond, my promise to Henry?

00:38:40Oh, poor old Henry.

00:38:41How do you like that?

00:38:42She waits and waits around, and once she's sure he's coming, she's gone.

00:38:46Isn't that like a woman?

00:38:47All right, I'm being difficult and hard to get.

00:38:51You've got to understand that I need his respect, that I can't be left on corners.

00:38:55Left on corners?

00:38:56You say this after the full rounded life we've shown you?

00:39:00Oh, Jimmy, it has been fun and you've been very nice.

00:39:03Look, Admiral, if there's anything we haven't done that you'd like us to do, just name it.

00:39:07Well, I would like to take the five o'clock bus back to Walla Walla.

00:39:11You can think of something tougher than that.

00:39:13Sure, ask for the moon.

00:39:14Jimmy will get it for you.

00:39:15Anything.

00:39:16Sure.

00:39:17You certainly do have confidence.

00:39:18Follow it.

00:39:19I wonder what they think if you fail.

00:39:20Oh, that's impossible with Jimmy, Admiral.

00:39:22Is it?

00:39:25Well, there's one more thing I'd like to do before I catch my bus.

00:39:29Anything.

00:39:30This may sound funny, but I was in the Navy for two years.

00:39:35Yes?

00:39:37And I never got off shore.

00:39:39Oh, one outboard motor coming up.

00:39:41Oh no, oh no, a big boat, a yacht.

00:39:44I want to take a ride on a seagoing yacht.

00:39:47Well, uh, I, I, I, I, I...

00:39:54You're a crystal ball, magician.

00:40:18Ah, this is the life that's so fair.

00:40:22Does something for the soul.

00:40:24Hey, Jimmy.

00:40:25Hiya, mates.

00:40:26Hi, Skipper.

00:40:27Oh, you'll find everything up for it.

00:40:29Just make yourselves at home, mates.

00:40:31Boom.

00:40:32Well, how'd she strike you, Mr. Stevens?

00:40:34Well, it's a nice craft.

00:40:35It's a nice craft.

00:40:36Built with select timber, deluxe in every respect.

00:40:39Call it teak decks, twin scrolls.

00:40:41Even the cap fits.

00:40:42And I'll personally guarantee you that you'll turn up an honest 18 knots.

00:40:45I know, but 70,000 is a lot of money.

00:40:48Even for me.

00:40:53Why, Mr. Stevens, that's less than a thousand dollars a foot.

00:40:57You know, when you break it down to feet, it really doesn't seem to mean quite so much, does it?

00:41:06Your, uh, friends seem to be enjoying it.

00:41:09Oh, yes, yes, they love the sea.

00:41:12Matter of fact, I'm buying it for them.

00:41:15Oh.

00:41:16Yes.

00:41:20Well, Admiral, how do you like life on the briny deep?

00:41:22It's wonderful.

00:41:24But how do you relax?

00:41:26Just sit back.

00:41:27See?

00:41:28I keep wondering when the sheriff comes in.

00:41:31Oh, Jimmy makes the sheriffs hide their badges.

00:41:35Mike.

00:41:36Yeah?

00:41:37Do you like me well enough to tell me the truth about something?

00:41:41Sure.

00:41:44Did you ever know Cynthia?

00:41:47Who told you?

00:41:48Jimmy.

00:41:49He did?

00:41:50Gee, that's funny.

00:41:51Jimmy never talks about Cynthia no more.

00:41:54Was she beautiful?

00:41:56Well, I'll say she was.

00:41:57Cynthia really had style.

00:41:59What'd she look like?

00:42:00Well, she had a clean nose for one thing.

00:42:03Well, I should hope so.

00:42:05But you know, her props were a little large for her size.

00:42:08Well, that doesn't sound so beautiful.

00:42:10But you should have seen the load she could carry.

00:42:12Wow.

00:42:13Oh, is that good?

00:42:14Good.

00:42:15Would you like them to do that?

00:42:17Well, that depends on how much damage you want to do.

00:42:20Well, that's something I wouldn't know anything about.

00:42:23But you know something?

00:42:24She was just a little tail heavy.

00:42:27Oh, she was.

00:42:29Yeah.

00:42:30But you should have seen her be.

00:42:32Narrow and round.

00:42:34Boy, that Cynthia was really trim.

00:42:37You seem to have known Cynthia fairly well.

00:42:40Well, I should.

00:42:41I listened to her sing over a thousand times.

00:42:43Oh, Cynthia sings?

00:42:44Oh, not anymore she does.

00:42:45Not since she dropped the four of us.

00:42:47The four of you?

00:42:48Sure.

00:42:49Coming back across the channel.

00:42:50Her motor's conked out, and she dumped us in the drink.

00:42:55Great joke!

00:42:57Bad girl, that Cynthia, wasn't she?

00:42:59I suppose you think it was funny to enlist my sympathy.

00:43:01I didn't enlist them.

00:43:02They volunteered.

00:43:03I want to go home, if you please.

00:43:05A little rough for you?

00:43:06Of course not.

00:43:07I have to catch the five o'clock bus to Walla Walla.

00:43:09Oh, now, come on.

00:43:10You've taken me on your last joyride, Mr. Stevens.

00:43:12Aye, aye, Admiral.

00:43:13The ship is at your command.

00:43:16Would you like to feel her out, Mr. Stevens?

00:43:18Oh, that's a good idea.

00:43:19I think I'd like to try her in a tight turn.

00:43:21Do you mind, Captain?

00:43:23Mr. Stevens is obviously a yachtsman.

00:43:24Thank you, sir.

00:43:25He can take it, sir.

00:43:26Well, we'll soon find out.

00:43:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:43:38Aye, of course.

00:43:43Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:43:46This is the life, man.

00:43:48He certainly is.

00:43:50He certainly is.

00:43:52Yes, sir.

00:43:53Now, what do you say?

00:43:54I'd shake his chin.

00:43:56I'd say he was in perfect shape, Captain.

00:43:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:00Aye, on the starboard.

00:44:02Hey!

00:44:03Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:05Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:07Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:09Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:12Mike, sick bay duty.

00:44:15Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:17Rough for the young lady.

00:44:19Things are rough all over, Captain.

00:44:21And they're going to be a lot rougher.

00:44:23Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:28Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:44:34She moved.

00:44:35Give me that.

00:44:39It's poison.

00:44:41Where am I?

00:44:42You're not on the poop deck, Admiral.

00:44:46Oh.

00:44:48And how's our little Wade feeling?

00:44:50Oh, don't mention that word to me.

00:44:53What time is it?

00:44:54It's, um, a little after six.

00:44:56After six?

00:44:57Oh, I missed my bus again.

00:44:59Oh, what's one more day?

00:45:01Nothing to you.

00:45:02Oh, you're wrong.

00:45:03It means everything to us.

00:45:05You know, I got a funny feeling I'm going round and round.

00:45:13Maybe I'm on a merry-go-round.

00:45:15Well, uh, climb on down, Admiral, and put on your prettiest dress because tonight we got a special treat for you.

00:45:21Yeah, a legitimate stage show.

00:45:23Legitimate?

00:45:24Yeah, legitimate.

00:45:25What's the matter? Can't you steal the theater?

00:45:42Well, here we are.

00:45:44Just on time.

00:45:45Seems awfully late to me.

00:45:47Oh, these curtains will have a prompt, you know.

00:45:49Well, the least we could do is go in and sit down.

00:45:51But it ain't fashionable to be early.

00:45:53Get your programs, folks.

00:45:55There you are, Admiral.

00:46:00Swing time.

00:46:02Why, that's playing over there.

00:46:04That's right.

00:46:05Yeah, it was a very good show, too.

00:46:07Curtain, curtain going up.

00:46:09Ah, they're going in.

00:46:10Oh, is he going with us?

00:46:12Nah, it says not to be watched.

00:46:13Come on, let's go.

00:46:15Here, smoke this.

00:46:16Well, I don't feel like it.

00:46:17Well, smoke it. Come on.

00:46:19No smoking in the lobby, please.

00:46:21No smoking.

00:46:22Oh, so sorry.

00:46:24Well, I hope the second act is better than the first.

00:46:26Come, dear.

00:46:27Oh, just a minute.

00:46:28I didn't mean it first.

00:46:30Sleeps through everything.

00:46:32Come on, dear.

00:46:45Here we are.

00:46:46Well, Jermot, this is humiliating.

00:46:48I just had some adventure.

00:46:49Box seats were supposed to take me.

00:46:51We're safe.

00:46:52Very few people can afford box seats.

00:46:53Oh, relax.

00:46:54Shh, sit down. Relax.

00:46:57No, no, no.

00:46:58It's a program.

00:46:59It is taken.

00:47:03Ah, Jermot.

00:47:05Huh?

00:47:06Oh, uh, good evening.

00:47:09Excuse me.

00:47:10Does that say swing time?

00:47:12Oh, yes, it does.

00:47:14I'm in the wrong theater.

00:47:18This is for you.

00:47:19It's a poison thing.

00:47:21I hope he takes a drink of it.

00:47:23Oh, come on.

00:47:24Smile.

00:47:25Enjoy.

00:47:26Oh, yes, yes.

00:47:27Oh, Jermot.

00:47:28Oh, Jermot.

00:47:29Oh, Jermot.

00:47:30Oh, Jermot.

00:47:31Oh, Jermot.

00:47:32Oh, Jermot.

00:47:33Oh, Jermot.

00:47:34Oh, Jermot.

00:47:35Oh, Jermot.

00:47:36Oh, Jermot.

00:47:38There's Henry.

00:47:40Where?

00:47:41He's not in Paris at all.

00:47:42He's with a girl.

00:47:43A gorgeous girl.

00:47:45Oh, maybe it's a guy with a head like Henry's looking from the top.

00:47:49Don't you think I know Henry's top when I see it?

00:47:51Oh, I couldn't recognize my own top from up here.

00:47:53No, I saw his face when he looked up at the balcony.

00:47:55It is Henry.

00:47:58So he's out of town, is he?

00:48:01Ow!

00:48:03Wow, I don't have time for this.

00:48:06Pardon me, please.

00:48:07Pardon me.

00:48:08Take over.

00:48:09Tell us.

00:48:10Take her home.

00:48:11I'll look after this.

00:48:13The second act starts with a bang, doesn't it?

00:48:17They're taking him away now, Pettigrew.

00:48:19Sure, it's Henry.

00:48:20Gene said so.

00:48:21And besides, I saw the top of his head from the box, and it's the same one that's on the stretcher.

00:48:27Get those gumshoes of yours down to the hospital and hogtie Henry.

00:48:30We're holding the girl.

00:48:32Don't argue with me, Peter.

00:48:34You want that double-entry love life of yours to collapse?

00:48:43Gee, what a rough deal for the admiral.

00:48:45She must be heartbroken.

00:48:47Yeah.

00:48:48Look, why don't we tell her the truth?

00:48:50Oh, no, that'll make her feel worse.

00:48:52I got it.

00:48:53We'll tell her I was at the hospital and it ain't Henry at all.

00:48:55Sure.

00:48:56Anybody can have a top of a head.

00:48:58Yeah, we'll tell her the top of the head she's seen belongs to Mayor Sheboyga.

00:49:00Why don't you tell her Henry flew back to Paris?

00:49:02No, I don't...

00:49:04Oh, Admiral!

00:49:05Good morning, Admiral.

00:49:06Would you like your hard-boiled eggs three minutes, Admiral?

00:49:08I have the water ready.

00:49:09No, thank you.

00:49:10How about some coffee?

00:49:11Yeah.

00:49:12All right.

00:49:13Maybe it'll help me wash down a few more of your lies.

00:49:15They weren't meant to be vicious lies, Admiral.

00:49:17We were just trying to ease...

00:49:18Ease what?

00:49:19The whole thing's very simple.

00:49:21Henry's just changed his mind, that's all.

00:49:23And for your information, I've changed mine.

00:49:25It's just as simple as that.

00:49:27Now, wait.

00:49:28Don't you think you should hear Henry's side of it?

00:49:30I'll get you some orange juice.

00:49:31It's not his fault.

00:49:32He must figure you gave him the gate.

00:49:34Sure, he doesn't even know you're in town.

00:49:35Yeah, that Pettigrew Dave's been keeping him away from you.

00:49:38Who's she?

00:49:39Only the ex-wife of the guy that's gonna put us to work if we don't keep you here.

00:49:43Pettigrew.

00:49:45Pettigrew, the jukebox kid.

00:49:50So that's it.

00:49:52The only reason you've been nice to me

00:49:54is because you didn't want to go back to work.

00:50:03No, wait a minute, Admiral.

00:50:04Don't go.

00:50:05We like you.

00:50:06Honest, we do.

00:50:07Yeah, sure we do.

00:50:08And all the time I thought you were trying to help me.

00:50:11Well, you did.

00:50:12You helped me show me what a fool I've been

00:50:14and I hope you're happy.

00:50:15Very, very happy.

00:50:17Very, very happy.

00:50:18That's the spirit.

00:50:19Those are the words I like to hear.

00:50:20Admiral, I've got good news for you.

00:50:22I've just had a call from the hospital.

00:50:23I know, it wasn't Henry at all.

00:50:24No?

00:50:25No.

00:50:26It was the mayor of, uh...

00:50:27Sheboygan?

00:50:28Sheboygan.

00:50:29Oh, well, uh, who told you that?

00:50:30I received a mysterious phone call.

00:50:32Oh.

00:50:33Oh, you did.

00:50:34Well, uh, what'd they say?

00:50:36Hello?

00:50:37This is Miss Madison.

00:50:38You have just made a bad mistake.

00:50:40You almost killed your own man.

00:50:42You should have killed Jimmy Stevens,

00:50:45the cheap, lying, conniving faker.

00:50:49Oh!

00:50:50Oh!

00:50:51Hold that line.

00:50:52Admiral, listen, you're just nervous and upset.

00:50:53I'm not nervous.

00:50:54I'm not upset.

00:50:55In fact, I've never been any more calm in my life.

00:50:58Yes, but when Henry gets...

00:50:59Ah, he'll find me in Walla Walla.

00:51:01Who wears my bag?

00:51:02No, no, Admiral, you can't leave now.

00:51:04Oh, yes, I can.

00:51:05And what's more, I will.

00:51:06No!

00:51:08Admiral, listen, please.

00:51:09Oh, shut up!

00:51:10I hope that Mr. Pettigrew gives you the...

00:51:12the graveyard shift in the salt mines.

00:51:15Oh.

00:51:17The poor kid.

00:51:18Well, who tipped it?

00:51:19As if I didn't know.

00:51:20Me and my big mouth.

00:51:21Yeah, you and your big mouth.

00:51:22Well, it's back to work for us.

00:51:23No, no, no, I'll think of something.

00:51:25I should never believe another thing we said.

00:51:27No, no, but you'll believe Henry.

00:51:28And the hospital says Henry's taking nourishment.

00:51:30Yeah, well, she's taking the bus.

00:51:31Well, we'll take the nourishment and Henry

00:51:33and put them both in the bus with her.

00:51:34Come on, let's go!

00:51:45Oh!

00:51:46Call for Dr. Hyatt.

00:51:47This is it.

00:51:48Tell his room, please.

00:51:50Oh, sorry, sorry.

00:51:51Now, remember, the first sign of an argument from Henry

00:51:54and we will snatch the corpus delicta.

00:51:55Right.

00:51:56Does that mean we've got to kill him?

00:51:58He ain't even ambulatory.

00:51:59He's going to be.

00:52:01Are you ready?

00:52:02Yeah.

00:52:03Let's go.

00:52:06Wait a minute.

00:52:07This isn't Henry.

00:52:08Any fool can see that.

00:52:09What happened to him?

00:52:10It's my sacroiliac.

00:52:11Shirley has done it again.

00:52:12Mike, straighten him out.

00:52:13I can't talk to a pretzel.

00:52:14Any decent woman...

00:52:15...would have waited until we were married again

00:52:17before carrying on like...

00:52:20Now, now, where's Henry?

00:52:21I wish I knew.

00:52:22Shirley smuggled him out of here.

00:52:23With all these people around here, that's impossible.

00:52:25My Shirley takes anything she wants.

00:52:28Look how she took me.

00:52:29Read this note she left.

00:52:33What kind of woman is your ex-wife?

00:52:35Completely unscrupulous.

00:52:37I can believe that.

00:52:38Why, she says here that Henry loves Jean,

00:52:40that he's mad about her.

00:52:41Gee, the Admiral would feel a lot better

00:52:42if she knew about that.

00:52:43And she's going to know about it.

00:52:44Read this note.

00:52:45It's all we need to convince her.

00:52:46Yeah, but she's on a bus already.

00:52:47En route.

00:52:48Wait a minute.

00:52:49Are you telling me you let that girl get away?

00:52:51I'll have you punching a time clock in the morning.

00:52:53No, no, not that.

00:52:54Come on.

00:52:55Wait a minute.

00:52:56Who knows the road to Walla Walla?

00:52:58I do.

00:52:59I was born in Walla Walla.

00:53:01Well, what are we waiting for?

00:53:02Come on.

00:53:14Attention, all bus drivers, attention.

00:53:16Be on the lookout for one Jean Madison,

00:53:19age 22, single, female.

00:53:22She is a beautiful girl on the way to Walla Walla.

00:53:26When last seen, she was wearing a tan beret with buttons

00:53:29and a brown suit.

00:53:31She is known to favor the seat immediately

00:53:33behind the bus driver.

00:53:35She is wearing nylon stockings,

00:53:37and she has beautiful blue eyes and wavy brown hair.

00:53:42Attention, all bus drivers, attention.

00:53:45As a means of positive identification,

00:53:48you will recognize her by a mole on her left knee.

00:53:52That is all.

00:53:53Watch the road.

00:53:55I don't want no trouble, lady.

00:53:56I think you're hot.

00:53:58Hot?

00:53:59Oh, I'm boiled.

00:54:03Peter, stop.

00:54:13Oh, Admiral!

00:54:14Admiral, are you a lucky girl?

00:54:16How dare you?

00:54:17I've got great news for you, Admiral.

00:54:19Someone's outrageous thing I've ever heard.

00:54:21Here, calm down, calm down.

00:54:22Here, you see this?

00:54:23Don't say another word until you've read this.

00:54:26Here you are, the greatest news you've ever had in your life.

00:54:28I don't see how you boys keep out of jail.

00:54:30Stop talking and start reading.

00:54:31You're the most impossible, idiotic people that I've ever seen.

00:54:36Now, aren't you ashamed for those thoughts

00:54:38you've had about Henry?

00:54:40Poor Henry.

00:54:41That's what I've been saying, poor old Henry.

00:54:45I owe you boys an apology.

00:54:48You weren't lying.

00:54:49No, of course not.

00:54:50You were thinking of my happiness.

00:54:52Certainly.

00:54:53Admiral, the pursuit of happiness is practically a profession with us.

00:54:55That's a racket.

00:54:56Now, would you like to climb aboard a cloud?

00:54:59There we go.

00:55:01What's the matter now?

00:55:03My last pair of nylons, they're ruined.

00:55:05And I want it to look nice for Henry.

00:55:07If Henry's mind is on nylons when he sees you,

00:55:10then Henry's out of his mind.

00:55:11Go on.

00:55:17Switch on.

00:55:18Flaps up.

00:55:19Energize number one.

00:55:20Check manifold pressure.

00:55:21Energize number two.

00:55:22Ready for the takeoff.

00:55:23Check.

00:55:24Contact.

00:55:25Airplane.

00:55:41Oh, hello, Eddie.

00:55:42Where have you been all evening?

00:55:43I'm glad you're up.

00:55:44Surprise.

00:55:45What on earth?

00:55:48Nylons.

00:55:49Six pairs.

00:55:50Wonderful.

00:55:51Oh, Eddie, this kind of thing means so much to a woman.

00:55:54Thanks.

00:55:55They're not just for me.

00:55:56They're from all of us.

00:55:57Where'd you get them at this hour?

00:55:59The black market has a swing shift now.

00:56:01Oh.

00:56:02Kiss Jimmy, too.

00:56:03It was his watch that paid for them.

00:56:05I would if he were here.

00:56:06I really would.

00:56:07Well?

00:56:12What are you waiting for?

00:56:25Jimmy, you shouldn't have done it.

00:56:27You're so wrong.

00:56:29I should have done it a long time ago.

00:56:33I'll finish your rounds for you.

00:56:35Huh?

00:56:36Give me your clock.

00:56:37I'll finish the rounds for you.

00:56:38Oh, never mind, Eddie.

00:56:39You don't have to.

00:56:40Oh, yeah.

00:56:58Oh, don't stop.

00:57:00Oh, don't stop.

00:57:07You and I could while away the hours.

00:57:16Everything that's wonderful is ours.

00:57:20You're wonderful.

00:57:25I guess you didn't know what you were letting yourself in for

00:57:28when you saved me the price of that phone call, did you?

00:57:30No, I certainly didn't.

00:57:31Who would have thought a little girl from Walla Walla

00:57:34could have played such havoc with two lives?

00:57:37Two lives?

00:57:38Eddie Gruse and mine.

00:57:43I wonder where Henry is tonight.

00:57:45I don't know.

00:57:46I'll bet you wherever he is, he's cursing his luck that he's there and not here.

00:57:51Oh, I hope that bottle didn't hurt him very much.

00:57:54Oh, I don't think so.

00:57:55From what I've heard of Henry, he probably can take it.

00:57:57Oh, he can.

00:57:58He's very strong.

00:58:00And charming.

00:58:01Oh, yes.

00:58:02Yes, charming, exceptionally.

00:58:04And he's tall, and his shoulders are wide, and he's tall, and he has hair.

00:58:11And teeth.

00:58:12And teeth, and he's very good looking.

00:58:14And, um, only sort of way.

00:58:19And, in fact, he's a little bit like you.

00:58:23Except he likes to work.

00:58:26Oh, yes, he loves to work.

00:58:28He's very ambitious.

00:58:30And, uh, and he's tall, and, uh.

00:58:35Oh, did I?

00:58:37Well, oh, Henry, um, Henry, uh.

00:58:46Oh, Henry.

00:58:56Oh, Henry.

00:59:07Good morning.

00:59:09Good morning.

00:59:10How do you like my new nylon?

00:59:12Oh, they're beautiful.

00:59:14Just beautiful.

00:59:17Admiral, you better go home.

00:59:21Do you think so, Jimmy?

00:59:22Oh, I'm sure of it.

00:59:23For a girl of your qualities to be hanging around waiting for a man is ridiculous.

00:59:31Is it, Jimmy?

00:59:32Yes, yes.

00:59:34You see, we have to remember that you're engaged to Henry.

00:59:37Oh, yes.

00:59:38Well, it's just that I.

00:59:41Who will it?

00:59:42Well, it isn't.

00:59:43Isn't it, Jimmy?

00:59:46No.

00:59:47No, Admiral, you better go home.

00:59:48I'll find Henry Foy and I'll gift wrap him.

00:59:50I'll send him to your airmail special delivery, but you better go home.

00:59:53Hey, Jimmy.

00:59:54Jimmy, we got trouble.

00:59:55What's the matter?

00:59:56What happened?

00:59:57Well, it's bad.

00:59:58It's Eddie.

00:59:59I'm sorry, Jimmy.

01:00:00Nothing could be that bad, fellas.

01:00:01We're all in this together, aren't we?

01:00:02Yeah.

01:00:03Well, whatever it is, good or bad, we multiply by four, don't we?

01:00:05Sure.

01:00:06Well, okay, come on, speak up.

01:00:08I've got a job.

01:00:10Oh, that's wonderful.

01:00:13Where is it this time?

01:00:14China, Burma, India?

01:00:16Kansas City.

01:00:17I'm so happy for you, Eddie.

01:00:19I'll bet you are.

01:00:21Have you told Lois?

01:00:22I've been sending sketches to this firm and they've offered to take me on as a decorator.

01:00:26Kansas City, huh?

01:00:27Well, I suppose that's far enough away for someone who wants to run out.

01:00:30Jimmy, are you telling him not to take this job?

01:00:32Look, you keep at it.

01:00:33I will not.

01:00:34Eddie, don't pay any attention to him.

01:00:35You take the job.

01:00:36I'd need a hundred dollars for train fare and...

01:00:38A hundred dollars, huh?

01:00:39Well, we don't have it.

01:00:40And even if we had it, you wouldn't get it.

01:00:42I don't understand this horrible obsession you have against work.

01:00:45Well, there are a lot of things you don't understand.

01:00:47And if you want to make speeches, you better go find somebody who's interested.

01:00:50Go find Henry.

01:00:51Don't think I won't.

01:00:54At least he has principles.

01:00:55He's not a chiseling goldbrick.

01:00:58He's a man you can depend upon.

01:01:00He's...

01:01:01Oh, you're impossible.

01:01:04Here they are.

01:01:05Well, Mr. Stevens, I imagine you'll be very happy to...

01:01:09Is this the girl?

01:01:10That's her.

01:01:11Not much of her, is there?

01:01:12Rather attractive, though.

01:01:13All we'll have to do is wave her under Henry's nose.

01:01:15You're not going to wave me under anybody's nose.

01:01:17I'm going home.

01:01:18You can't do that.

01:01:19My detectives have found your Henry.

01:01:21They've discovered where Shirley is hiding him.

01:01:22Where?

01:01:23In my wedding present.

01:01:24In what?

01:01:25My country home.

01:01:26My own house.

01:01:27Take her, men.

01:01:28Take your hands off me!

01:01:29No!

01:01:30Oh!

01:01:31What's the matter?

01:01:32Didn't you hear them?

01:01:33They've snared your Henry for you.

01:01:34A charming, wonderful Henry.

01:01:35A man of principle and ambition.

01:01:36Henry's waiting to lift you right out of our hair.

01:01:37And this time, I'm going to see that he does!

01:01:39Pull his head out of her!

01:01:41At last!

01:01:45Quiet.

01:02:01We want a surprise, though.

01:02:06Surprise?

01:02:07Peter, darling!

01:02:08I thought you'd never get here.

01:02:11Oh, Shirley, it's so good to see you.

01:02:13I've missed you terribly.

01:02:14I know you've missed me.

01:02:15You felt it?

01:02:16I know it.

01:02:17You see, I've had my detectives following your detectives.

01:02:19I told you, she's never been outfoxed.

01:02:21Say, where's this Henry character?

01:02:23Yes, where is he?

01:02:24Uh, shall we go in?

01:02:25Yeah.

01:02:26Let's go.

01:02:27Come on.

01:02:28Your Henry's waiting.

01:02:29Mr. Bimble has some news for you.

01:02:30Bimble?

01:02:31Who's Bimble?

01:02:32Bimble!

01:02:33Oh, there you are.

01:02:35Why, you should know Mr. Bimble.

01:02:36He's one of your best detectives.

01:02:38Go on, Mr. Bimble.

01:02:40Tell him.

01:02:41Oh, you tell him.

01:02:42Oh, for heaven's sakes, tell me.

01:02:44Well, Henry ain't here no more.

01:02:45What?

01:02:46She sneaked him out from under our very noses.

01:02:49Now, wait a minute, lady.

01:02:50This may seem funny to you.

01:02:51Who's she?

01:02:52Oh, that's right.

01:02:53You haven't met.

01:02:54Well, step into the center of the ring.

01:02:55Admiral, meet your competition.

01:02:57So, you're Henry's wonderful little wave from Walla Walla.

01:03:01Ah, that's her.

01:03:02Yes.

01:03:03I understand you're known as Peter Pettigrew's folly.

01:03:06Right cross.

01:03:07Very clever, darling.

01:03:08Very clever.

01:03:09That's fine, girls.

01:03:10Now, break clean and come out fighting.

01:03:13Why don't you leave Henry alone?

01:03:15I read the letter and you admitted yourself he didn't love you.

01:03:18Oh, let's not be naive, darling.

01:03:20With all of Henry's charms, why should a little thing like love stand in the way?

01:03:23And besides, I've got your Henry hanging on the ropes.

01:03:27On the ropes.

01:03:28Oh, he can't be very much good to you that way, can he?

01:03:30Now, just as well face it, darling.

01:03:32You're outclassed.

01:03:33Outclassed.

01:03:34Outclassed.

01:03:35Classed.

01:03:36Now, why don't you be a good little girl and go home?

01:03:39I will be a good little girl.

01:03:41But I'm not going home.

01:03:43You're not going to hang around us and mess up our lives.

01:03:45Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.

01:03:47You incompetent idiot.

01:03:48You're spoiling everything.

01:03:49Now, wait a minute.

01:03:50We kept our part of the bargain with you.

01:03:51If you want the Admiral to stick around here waiting for Henry, why don't you keep her?

01:03:54Oh, you...

01:03:55I never thought of that.

01:03:56Well, we have plenty of rooms here.

01:03:58Six servants, 22 detectives.

01:03:59But...

01:04:00Don't worry about me.

01:04:01I'll be staying downtown.

01:04:02What poetic justice.

01:04:03Well, it's okay, then.

01:04:04Everything's settled.

01:04:05Thank you very much and I promise you, you'll never forgive me.

01:04:07Come on, fellas.

01:04:08Wait, where's Shirley?

01:04:09Where's Shirley?

01:04:10Shirley's gone.

01:04:11Smith, tail my wife.

01:04:12Don't let her out of your sight.

01:04:13She'll lead you to Henry.

01:04:14Now, go.

01:04:15Wait a minute.

01:04:16I can't go.

01:04:17Why not?

01:04:18I'm not Smith.

01:04:19My name is Jones.

01:04:20All right, Jones.

01:04:21Watson Jones.

01:04:22My dear Watson.

01:04:23Don't look now, but Shirley's drifting down the driveway.

01:04:24Yeah.

01:04:25What?

01:04:26She'll never get away from me, Mr. Pettigrew.

01:04:27Oh, there she goes.

01:04:28Oh.

01:04:29Alfred.

01:04:30Alfred.

01:04:31Relax, Mr. Pettigrew.

01:04:32I'll handle her.

01:04:33You can depend on me.

01:04:35Oh, I've got her flat.

01:04:36You like her, huh?

01:04:37Hurry, hurry.

01:04:38Oh, no.

01:04:39Look.

01:04:40She's left me, too.

01:04:41Oh, that Shirley's the most exact.

01:04:42Oh, my sacrilegious.

01:04:43My wife.

01:04:44Help me.

01:04:45No, you don't.

01:04:46From now on, you keep him in gear.

01:04:47Come on, fellas.

01:04:48But, Jimmy.

01:04:49Jimmy.

01:04:50What's the matter now?

01:04:51My clothes are at your house.

01:04:52Well, they're too small for us.

01:04:53We'll send them to you.

01:04:54Come on.

01:04:55Relax, Mr. Pettigrew.

01:04:56Leave her alone.

01:04:57Leave her alone.

01:04:58Leave her alone.

01:04:59Leave her alone.

01:05:00Leave her alone.

01:05:01Leave her alone.

01:05:02Leave her alone.

01:05:04Be brave, Mr. Pettigrew.

01:05:22Eddie.

01:05:23Why, Jean.

01:05:24It's good to see you.

01:05:25I noticed you drew KP duty tonight.

01:05:27Yeah.

01:05:28Well, count me in.

01:05:29How are you, Admiral?

01:05:30How are things at the Pettigrew house?

01:05:31Oh, very elegant.

01:05:32You know, maids and butlers.

01:05:33And soft-boiled eggs.

01:05:34Sounds swell.

01:05:35Oh, I don't know.

01:05:36I'm sort of spoiled after being with you fellas.

01:05:37You know, it doesn't seem fun anymore when people pay for things.

01:05:38Where are the boys?

01:05:39They went to the six-day bicycle races.

01:05:40Good heavens.

01:05:41They've got to be gone for six days.

01:05:42No.

01:05:43They only bought tickets for the opening night.

01:05:44Bought?

01:05:45You mean Jimmy paid to get in?

01:05:46Yeah.

01:05:47Jimmy's slipping.

01:05:48He isn't the same lately.

01:05:49I guess you know him.

01:05:50I don't.

01:05:51I don't.

01:05:52I don't.

01:05:53I don't.

01:05:54I don't.

01:05:55I don't.

01:05:56I don't.

01:05:57I don't.

01:05:58I don't.

01:05:59I don't.

01:06:01I guess you know why, Admiral.

01:06:03Oh, I wouldn't say he's changed that much.

01:06:06I noticed he wouldn't let you take that job.

01:06:08Well, it wouldn't have been much good without Lois, anyway.

01:06:12That's easy.

01:06:13Take her with you.

01:06:14You don't understand, Admiral.

01:06:15Well, she lives here in town, doesn't she?

01:06:17Yeah, in Bel Air.

01:06:19But I don't see Lois anymore.

01:06:22Not since...

01:06:23Oh, she met someone else while you were overseas.

01:06:26No, you see, I...

01:06:28I...

01:06:29I have to make the rounds now.

01:06:31I'll see you later.

01:06:32Well, Eddie, was it Lois that broke it off?

01:06:34No, it wasn't Lois.

01:06:36Well, did you break it off?

01:06:38Don't be silly.

01:06:39Then it's Jimmy.

01:06:41It's this life he's making you lead.

01:06:43Of course you couldn't marry a girl into this.

01:06:45It wasn't Jimmy's fault.

01:06:46It's mine.

01:06:47He has nothing to do with it.

01:06:48You're just protecting him.

01:06:49Look, Admiral.

01:06:50Stop naming Jimmy, will you?

01:06:52If you're going to think that, I'd better straighten you out.

01:06:55You see, I got scared when I found out how rich Lois was.

01:06:59That night she let me take her home from the officer's dance.

01:07:02I never saw such a big house.

01:07:04When you're in love, money isn't really important.

01:07:07It wasn't Lois.

01:07:08It was her folks I was scared of.

01:07:10So I lied.

01:07:11Then, when I shipped overseas, I put my lies into writing.

01:07:14I even began to believe them myself.

01:07:17I promised Lois the moon on a silver platter.

01:07:20And suddenly I realized I couldn't live up to my lies when I came home.

01:07:25I lied myself into a deep hole and I couldn't get out.

01:07:28So, when our plane crashed, Lois was notified that I was killed in action.

01:07:33It was the answer to my prayers.

01:07:35That poor girl thinks you're dead.

01:07:38It's better that way.

01:07:42Oh, Eddie.

01:07:44You adorable fool.

01:07:48Your troubles are over.

01:07:49I'm going to go out and find Lois and tell her the truth.

01:07:51No, you're not.

01:07:52You keep out of this.

01:07:53Jimmy's right.

01:07:54You're not happy unless you're meddling in other people's affairs.

01:07:56Mind your own business.

01:08:00Eddie, why don't you take the job?

01:08:02You'd make good at it.

01:08:04I haven't even got the hundred dollars.

01:08:06We'll get the hundred dollars.

01:08:09After all, a hundred dollars isn't so...

01:08:13tough to raise, is it, Mike?

01:08:20You've got to win this money, Mike.

01:08:22You've got to, for Eddie's sake.

01:08:24If I were Eddie, I'd murder this grump.

01:08:26Here they are.

01:08:27Come on, Mike.

01:08:28Get your clothes on.

01:08:29Wait a minute.

01:08:30You leave him alone.

01:08:31Hurry up.

01:08:32Let's get out of here.

01:08:33He's earning his first dollar since he got mixed up with me.

01:08:34He doesn't need a dollar.

01:08:35But it's important.

01:08:36It isn't for Mike.

01:08:37It's for...

01:08:38It's for me.

01:08:39I need the money.

01:08:40Is it important enough to send him to the cemetery?

01:08:42Oh, don't be such an optimist.

01:08:44It's only a friendly boxing match.

01:08:46Yeah, well, a friendly tap on the head can kill him.

01:08:48Kill him?

01:08:49He's got an infranial fracture.

01:08:50A tin plate to you.

01:08:51Yeah, he got it in a plane crash.

01:08:52And I crashed the plane.

01:08:53Mike, why didn't you tell me?

01:08:55Please, Jimmy.

01:08:56I can take this.

01:08:57Come on, Mike.

01:08:58Let her get her own money.

01:08:59Come on.

01:09:00Are you crazy?

01:09:01Okay, kid.

01:09:02You're on next.

01:09:03Well, I got news for you, bud.

01:09:04Mike ain't fighting tonight.

01:09:05Oh, no?

01:09:06Look, Jack.

01:09:07I don't know who you are, but I operate this joint,

01:09:08and I better explain my house policy.

01:09:09Now, I fix fights, pull fights, do everything with fights,

01:09:11except cancel.

01:09:12Yeah, well, tonight you're changing your house policy.

01:09:14Mm-mm.

01:09:15And I got six characters on a pension,

01:09:17waiting outside to see that nobody except the guy in trunks

01:09:19heading for the ring leaves this room in the next few minutes.

01:09:22Wait a minute, Mr. Hoover.

01:09:25Mike, I got you into this, and I'll get you out.

01:09:31Jimmy.

01:09:32Jimmy will fight in your place.

01:09:34But Jimmy don't know how to fight.

01:09:36I'm a lousy fighter.

01:09:38Well.

01:09:39Oh, they're worse.

01:09:40All right, then.

01:09:41I'll fight in your place.

01:09:43Look, sister.

01:09:44Drop her on on Monday nights when I have lady wrestling.

01:09:46Tonight I need somebody with hair on his chest.

01:09:49Why don't you get Henry to fight for you?

01:09:51Don't think he wouldn't.

01:09:53He wouldn't mind fighting.

01:09:54He wouldn't be a coward.

01:09:55Oh, shut up.

01:09:56How much does the loser get?

01:09:57Nothing.

01:09:58Nothing?

01:09:59According to the state boxing commission,

01:10:00you've got to come up with...

01:10:01Look, this joint runs strictly according to Marty Gruber,

01:10:03and the loser gets nothing.

01:10:07You guys figure it out.

01:10:08I got a hot crowd out there yelling for blood.

01:10:10And one of you better be in that ring in five minutes.

01:10:19Well.

01:10:21Who's got the most blood?

01:10:34I want you to fight a nice, clean fight.

01:10:37I don't want no low blows,

01:10:38no thumb in the eyes,

01:10:39no heeling,

01:10:40no rabbit punching,

01:10:42and no kidney punching.

01:10:43You both understand that?

01:10:45Shake hands.

01:10:46You both understand that?

01:10:47Shake hands and come on, fight.

01:10:57Come on, I don't like this.

01:10:58Come on, fight.

01:10:59It's not too late, Jimmy.

01:11:00We can still make a run for it.

01:11:01That Corporal Kelly's a killer.

01:11:02He's got muscles in his ears.

01:11:05Now, don't worry, fellas.

01:11:06I'm not gonna fight this guy.

01:11:08I'm gonna talk him into splitting the purse.

01:11:1010 seconds.

01:11:11Clear the ring.

01:11:12Clear the ring?

01:11:13No, no, not you.

01:11:14Oh.

01:11:15Oh.

01:11:46Now, listen, Corporal.

01:11:47Let's play it smart.

01:11:48I'll take it easy with you

01:11:49and we'll split the purse 50-50.

01:11:51All right, come on.

01:11:52Break it up, you guys.

01:11:53Come on.

01:11:54Okay?

01:11:55Okay.

01:11:56No.

01:11:57No.

01:11:58No.

01:12:02One.

01:12:03Two.

01:12:04Three.

01:12:05Four.

01:12:06Five.

01:12:07Now, listen, Lieutenant.

01:12:08I'm willing to give you a break, sir.

01:12:09Where's your man?

01:12:10I don't know.

01:12:11I don't know.

01:12:12I don't know.

01:12:13I don't know.

01:12:14Where's your man?

01:12:18Oh, no.

01:12:19I'd rather do business with you.

01:12:20Listen.

01:12:26I'm telling you, Lieutenant.

01:12:27I'm willing to give you a break.

01:12:28I'll make it 60-40.

01:12:40Hey, anybody.

01:12:41I bet a buck he doesn't last a round.

01:12:45One.

01:12:46I'll take that.

01:12:47Two.

01:12:48Three.

01:12:49Four.

01:12:50Five.

01:12:51Six.

01:12:52Seven.

01:12:53Eight.

01:12:54Nine.

01:12:5510.

01:12:5611.

01:12:5712.

01:12:5813.

01:12:5914.

01:13:0015.

01:13:0116.

01:13:0217.

01:13:0318.

01:13:0419.

01:13:0520.

01:13:0621.

01:13:0722.

01:13:0823.

01:13:0924.

01:13:1025.

01:13:1126.

01:13:1227.

01:13:13Hey, Jimmy.

01:13:14Yeah?

01:13:15Well, what happened to 2, 4, 6, and 8?

01:13:17Well, tonight they're only using odd numbers.

01:13:19Oh.

01:13:22Hey, what's the matter with that guy?

01:13:24You know, I made him a wonderful offer.

01:13:27He must be hard of hearing, huh?

01:13:33I'm sorry.

01:13:35You.

01:13:38Wait a minute, Mike.

01:13:39I got you into this, and I'll get you out of it.

01:13:42Jimmy can fight in your place.

01:13:46Why, you.

01:13:48Ten seconds.

01:14:10All right, come on.

01:14:11Let's go.

01:14:24Now, listen, Captain.

01:14:25I've been carrying you up to now, but I warn you.

01:14:27I won't accept anything less than 70-30.

01:14:31That's 30 for me.

01:14:40This won't last long.

01:14:41Better get the next part ready.

01:14:42Okay, Marty.

01:14:43Oh, wait a minute.

01:14:48Better get the ambulance ready.

01:14:56Even Joe Lewis would stay cool on that one.

01:14:58Seven.

01:14:59Three.

01:15:00Four.

01:15:01Five.

01:15:02Six.

01:15:03Seven.

01:15:04Eight.

01:15:05Nine.

01:15:06Ten.

01:15:07Eleven.

01:15:08Twelve.

01:15:09Thirteen.

01:15:10Fourteen.

01:15:11Fifteen.

01:15:12Sixteen.

01:15:13Seventeen.

01:15:14What's the sense of you and me knocking each other out

01:15:17with stupid promoter, huh?

01:15:19I'm telling you, I don't want to open up on you.

01:15:21I'm liable to hurt you.

01:15:33Stop the fight, Mike.

01:15:34You'll kill him.

01:15:35Stop it.

01:15:36I'd better get the truck ready.

01:15:37Stop it, you understand?

01:15:39This'll stop it.

01:15:39Breathe!

01:15:40Stop the fight!

01:15:41Four!

01:15:42Five!

01:15:44Six!

01:15:45Thanks very much.

01:15:46Seven!

01:15:47Eight!

01:15:51Where is he?

01:15:52There he is.

01:15:52Right there.

01:15:53There he is.

01:15:53Come on.

01:15:55Come on.

01:15:56That's it.

01:15:58Come on.

01:16:07One, two, three, four.

01:16:13Oh.

01:16:14Oh.

01:16:15The guys in the bleachers don't know it, but they just seen one of the gamest guys that

01:16:24ever walked into a ring.

01:16:26I'm so sorry, Jimmy.

01:16:30Oh, it's you.

01:16:33I'm terribly sorry.

01:16:35It's okay.

01:16:36Now go figure some other way to get your money, but count me out.

01:16:39Please, Jimmy.

01:16:40It wasn't for me.

01:16:41It was for Eddie.

01:16:43For Eddie?

01:16:44So he could take that job and I could tell Lois the truth.

01:16:47You could tell Lois?

01:16:48What good would that do?

01:16:50It would solve Eddie's problem.

01:16:52Oh, what do you think I've been trying to do all these months?

01:16:55Why do you think I wouldn't let Eddie take a job a million miles away from here?

01:16:58Don't you think I could have told Lois?

01:17:00Then why didn't you?

01:17:01Oh, because it's not as simple as that.

01:17:03Eddie killed himself when he let Lois think he was dead.

01:17:06Why did he do it?

01:17:08Because he was afraid.

01:17:09That's why, just plain afraid.

01:17:11Killed his courage and his confidence, everything that a man lives by.

01:17:14Why, he'll never be able to breathe again until he has guts enough to forget about Lois's

01:17:18money and go see her himself.

01:17:20That's why I've been keeping him with me all these months.

01:17:22So I could prove to him that happiness doesn't depend on money.

01:17:27Jimmy's right.

01:17:30I'm sorry you had to get your brains knocked out to beat some sense into my head.

01:17:35But you did.

01:17:37Thanks, Jimmy.

01:17:40Wait a minute, where are you going?

01:17:42What do you think?

01:17:44Eddie, oh, Eddie.

01:17:47Wait a minute, will you?

01:17:51I guess I'd better warn you.

01:17:53Maybe Lois still loves you and maybe she doesn't.

01:17:56Maybe she's falling for another guy.

01:17:58Isn't it about time I found out?

01:18:00Yeah.

01:18:05You know, you're the first one in the class to graduate.

01:18:09Good luck, kid.

01:18:11You're on your own.

01:18:20Jimmy, I didn't know.

01:18:22Oh, shut up.

01:18:23You know, I wish you were a man.

01:18:25I wish you were Henry for a minute so I could knock your meddling brains out.

01:18:28Now go on, get out of here, leave me alone.

01:18:32I'll stick with him.

01:18:46Why?

01:18:50I wouldn't have asked you to fight if I'd known about it.

01:18:54About the tinplate? That's nothing.

01:18:57I was lucky.

01:18:59You know, the guy that really got hurt when Cynthia cried was Jimmy.

01:19:03He was hurt?

01:19:05Yeah, you see, he's got a scar that the doctors can't see.

01:19:09Something here, inside of him.

01:19:13He keeps blaming himself for the crash.

01:19:17You mean a guilt complex.

01:19:19Well, I don't know what you'd call it.

01:19:22Well, Jimmy knows I'll never be able to go back to fighting again, and...

01:19:27Well, on account of the dent in the noggin as for Eddie and Holly, well...

01:19:32I don't know why, but he...

01:19:34Thinks he's got to look out for us guys.

01:19:37How long can this go on?

01:19:39Just as long as Jimmy needs us.

01:19:43If I know Jimmy...

01:19:45He'll stick by you boys just as long as he thinks you need him.

01:19:50Yeah.

01:19:52Oh, Mike.

01:19:54There must be an answer somewhere.

01:20:00Yep, here she is, Mr. Pettigrew.

01:20:02Hello, hello, my dear. I'm practically solvent. Shirley's agreed to marry me.

01:20:05Well, come on. What are we waiting for?

01:20:06We're waiting for Jimmy.

01:20:07Where is he?

01:20:08Where's who?

01:20:10What in the world have you been up to?

01:20:12Oh, I was playing hopscotch and dropped my bean bag.

01:20:14At a time like this? Shirley's at my house waiting for me, and Henry'll be there any minute.

01:20:18I can't take any chances. This girl has to be there to grab Henry when he arrives.

01:20:21Well, take her and go.

01:20:23I won't go. Jimmy...

01:20:24You've been influencing this girl.

01:20:26I've been influencing her? Oh.

01:20:28I'm a desperate man, Stevens. Time is running out.

01:20:30And I promise you, you're going to work unless you have this girl ready, willing, and waiting for Henry.

01:20:34Oh, yeah?

01:20:36Well, she's going to be ready, Mr. Pettigrew.

01:20:38Oh, no, I won't.

01:20:39And she's going to be willing, Mr. Pettigrew.

01:20:41Well, Eddie, come, Jimmy.

01:20:42Because this time I'm going to raffle right around Henry's neck.

01:20:44Keep on him going. My car's out there.

01:20:48Hurry, Clarence. Clarence, hurry.

01:20:52As long as we can get Miss Madison there before Henry arrives, we're safe.

01:20:56The mere sight of that Adonis might change Shirley's mind again.

01:20:59Adonis, huh?

01:21:00What if Henry's early? Oh, there goes my sacrilegious again.

01:21:03Let's stop the car and I'll throw him back into gear.

01:21:05Hold it, Mike. Why should you straighten him out?

01:21:08Everybody's getting something out of this but us.

01:21:10How can you let the poor man suffer like that?

01:21:12Why do you care about anyone else suffering?

01:21:15You're getting your Henry, aren't you?

01:21:17That's all you want, isn't it?

01:21:19Well, isn't it?

01:21:21You know, I've been thinking. Jimmy, you're right.

01:21:23What do we get out of this?

01:21:24Will you please stop arguing and state your terms?

01:21:27Okay. You set us up in business.

01:21:30First class helping for you.

01:21:31Why, that's a great idea.

01:21:33I can handle the front and Mike can handle the back.

01:21:35All right, all right. It's a deal. Now will you handle my back?

01:21:38Sellers, you're in business the smart way on an OPM basis.

01:21:41OPM?

01:21:42Sure. Other people's money.

01:21:43Hey, congratulations. Here's your diplomas. You've graduated too.

01:21:47Hey, Jimmy, that leaves you on your own.

01:21:49Yeah, what about you?

01:21:50On my own? Are you kidding?

01:21:52Hey, there's a whole world full of people waiting for my talent.

01:21:56All I need is a new face.

01:21:59Well, we're coming to your house, Mr. Pettigrew.

01:22:01Do you want I should carry you in and give you the full treatment?

01:22:03Heavens no. Fix me up out here.

01:22:05Shirley would never marry a pretzel.

01:22:14Come on.

01:22:16Come on.

01:22:20Jimmy, if you don't... If you let me...

01:22:23Oh, there you are.

01:22:25Yes, she's ready, willing and able.

01:22:27It isn't that you win, you understand. It's only that I default.

01:22:30Oh, no. You're not giving Henry up.

01:22:32Oh, I know when I'm beaten.

01:22:34Oh, come on. Where is this Henry?

01:22:35He should be here any minute now.

01:22:37I wish you all the luck in the world with him.

01:22:39You'll need it.

01:22:40Why, is there anything wrong with him?

01:22:41He's almost perfect.

01:22:42Almost?

01:22:43Well, he's so fastidious and so completely impeccable.

01:22:46He wants everyone around him to be exactly the same way.

01:22:49If a woman has an eyelash out of place, he goes into a tantrum.

01:22:52My nerves are completely frayed.

01:22:54So you're welcome to him, darling.

01:22:57Say thanks to the lady.

01:22:58Oh, after Henry, Peter will be so comfortable.

01:23:01Like an old bathrobe.

01:23:04By the way, where is Peter?

01:23:05Peter? Oh, Peter's out in the car.

01:23:09Yes, he's being reconditioned for you.

01:23:11Reconditioned?

01:23:12Mm-hmm.

01:23:13Well, what an unexpected pleasure.

01:23:19Henry's coming up the driveway now.

01:23:21So hurry up, little one.

01:23:31Oh, Jimmy, there isn't much time, and I want to get dressed.

01:23:35All right, now, all right. Calm down. I know, I know.

01:23:37You've been waiting for this moment for a long time, huh?

01:23:41All of my life.

01:23:43And now that you've got the fish on the hook,

01:23:45you don't want to reel them in, you want to play with them for a while, huh?

01:23:49You're a smart man, you're so, so...

01:23:52Who's this?

01:23:56It's Henry.

01:23:58Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, wait.

01:24:04How do I look to you?

01:24:06You look great.

01:24:07Jimmy, Jimmy.

01:24:12Are you sure?

01:24:16Well, now, your hair is a little muzzed.

01:24:19Maybe I've had a hot ruffle.

01:24:21That's right, your face is a little shiny.

01:24:23I'm nervous.

01:24:30Here, here, give me that. You're much too nervous.

01:24:37You know, this Henry is a perfectionist.

01:24:40He's impeccable, fastidious.

01:24:43One hair out of place and one eyelash out of place,

01:24:46and Henry's on his roller skates.

01:24:48That'll do it.

01:24:50I think so.

01:24:51Sure. Oh, how did I miss that nose of shiny?

01:24:54Oh.

01:24:58Well, I guess you two will want to be alone, huh?

01:25:03Well, how do I get out of here?

01:25:06Well, you...

01:25:08You can go through the den.

01:25:10There's a side door there.

01:25:12A side door.

01:25:19Bon voyage.

01:25:26You're a smart man, you're so, so...

01:25:29How do I look to you?

01:25:34It's Henry.

01:25:49My, Admiral.

01:25:51Well, where's Henry?

01:25:54I thought that he...

01:25:56He won't come in.

01:25:58He won't come in?

01:26:00Why not?

01:26:02Because...

01:26:04I locked the door.

01:26:07You did?

01:26:28You did?

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