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TVTranscript
00:00["Pomp and Circumstance"]
00:30Don't use your fingers.
00:31There's a poor old man who wants more milk.
00:33Look, will you be getting on with it?
00:34I've got to answer the door.
00:35All right?
00:36Yeah.
00:42Hello, Margaret.
00:43Good heavens!
00:44You're about the last person I expected.
00:46Come on in.
00:49Take your coat off, then.
00:50Oh, thank you.
00:51Are you alone?
00:52Uh, yes, yes.
00:53I'm on my own.
00:54Oh, John's not here.
00:55He's at class.
00:56You know, night class.
00:57So you'll miss him.
00:58Well, unless you were thinking of staying.
01:00No, no.
01:01No, I wasn't.
01:02Come on home for the weekend.
01:03You know, Dad's gone over to visit his cousin at Castleford.
01:05Look who's here.
01:06Castleford?
01:07Isn't that in the Peak District somewhere?
01:08Hello, young fellow.
01:09Hello, Grandad.
01:10No, no.
01:11That's Castleton.
01:12You know, Castleford's where they have another kind of peak.
01:16You know, the slag heaps.
01:17Oh, yes.
01:18Dad in search of his youth.
01:20Oh, we're all in search of that, aren't we?
01:22The old foggies, I mean, of course.
01:24What old foggies?
01:26Here are they.
01:27Put that into the back room for me, would you?
01:28And I'll get another cup of tea.
01:29I've only just made it.
01:31Nice to see you again.
01:32And it's nice to see you.
01:35When you finish that, you'll come and see Grandad, eh?
01:37Yeah.
01:38Come on.
01:40I wasn't going to eat just yet, but if you're hungry...
01:43No, no.
01:44I'm all right, thanks.
01:45You haven't told me what you're doing here yet.
01:47Oh, shopping.
01:48Yes.
01:49Celia came with me, but we parted.
01:51Parted?
01:52Women's haberdashery isn't my line.
01:54Oh, I see.
01:55Sit down, then.
01:57So I walked up and down Ball Street a couple of times,
01:59then I went to the pictures.
02:01Something called Johnny Doughboy.
02:04Not exactly my line either, but it passed the time.
02:08There's a letter in the Echo tonight
02:11that said the Yanks get bed and breakfast,
02:13a meal, free travel, and the use of a club,
02:15all for two bobbing, Cara.
02:17Our boys get a bed for five bob.
02:20They're not likely to forget that, are they?
02:22And there's another letter from a woman
02:24who just heard of her husband after two years.
02:27He's called Fred.
02:28He worked in the Liverpool fish market.
02:30He's a prisoner with the Japs.
02:33Well, there's always someone worse off than you, isn't there?
02:36I thought Celia might have called or phoned, perhaps.
02:39No, no.
02:40Oh, perhaps she didn't get the time.
02:42You women and your shopping.
02:44Oh, you should have let us know you were coming.
02:46John will be disappointed.
02:48Well, I tried to phone him, but he's not allowed private calls.
02:51I should have realised, of course.
02:53I'll wish him a happy new year for you.
02:55Better late than never, then.
02:58One year seems to melt into another nowadays.
03:02At least it does to me.
03:04We're all saying when the second front comes,
03:07when the war's over, when.
03:09Does it seem any nearer now than it did a year ago?
03:12No, I suppose not.
03:14Except that one day it will be over and we'll have won,
03:17whatever that means.
03:20Where are you meeting her?
03:23Oh, Celia, at the station.
03:25I've got a couple of hours yet.
03:27Well, John won't be back till after eight.
03:30Still, I'm glad you came, though.
03:32For me.
03:34Would you like me to put this young chap in bed for you?
03:36I think you'd like that, wouldn't you?
03:38Would you like that? Good. Come on, then.
03:40I'll tell you what.
03:41I'll give you a story.
03:43Pick your book. That's it.
03:44My word, you're growing a big boy, aren't you?
03:46Come along, then. Up the wooden hill.
03:49This way. Around the corner.
03:54Excuse me.
03:58Mum. Mum, what's wrong?
03:59Oh, come along.
04:01Well, I thought you were never coming. Is it Dad?
04:03What? Dad?
04:04Well, the message said you wanted to talk to me about his sick relative.
04:08Oh. Oh, yes.
04:09Well, I mean, I had to say that to them
04:11because they wouldn't let me talk to you.
04:13So I said somebody was sick.
04:14Well, I mean, they have to do something when you tell them that.
04:16Well, I didn't say it was anything desperate.
04:19I said they'd give me a message.
04:23Yeah, well, they did.
04:25I wish you'd let me know you were coming.
04:27We could have met at home.
04:30I could have skipped the night class for once.
04:33Night class?
04:34No, it was the night class on Fridays.
04:37Oh.
04:38Well, of course, I don't want you to give up your night class because of me.
04:42Oh, I'm all right for half an hour or so.
04:45So...
04:47Well, what's your come for?
04:49Shopping?
04:51Yes, yes, I've been shopping.
04:53I didn't want to go back without having seen you.
04:55I mean, I've been walking around all day thinking Dad was ill.
04:58Well, he is ill, you know that.
05:00He's no worse, though, not since he changed his job.
05:02He wouldn't tell me if he was.
05:04Although it doesn't seem any worse.
05:06I never wanted him to take that stupid job in the first place, you know.
05:11All that gunpowder going down into his lungs.
05:14I used to say to him when he was lighting a cigarette,
05:16you'll explode one of these days, I used to say.
05:20How's Margaret?
05:22Oh, fine.
05:26Well, what's about you? Are you settling back into the job, are you?
05:30No, no, not really.
05:32Oh, you used to like it well enough before.
05:35Before what?
05:37Before the war.
05:38Yeah, well, a lot of things have happened since before the war.
05:40Your father won't like it, you know.
05:42If you change, you change your job, I mean.
05:44Why not?
05:45Well, I mean, it was his idea in the first place.
05:48It wasn't what I wanted for you.
05:50Oh, well, it was the right idea for the time.
05:52Two million unemployed, we don't want to go back to all that,
05:55let it sound the last all clear.
05:57Oh, yes, she's got a lovely voice, don't you think?
05:59I used to listen to her a lot, you know, when you were away.
06:02The White Cliffs of Dover, that was my favourite.
06:06And Johnny will go to sleep
06:09in his own little room.
06:12Well, I used to sing that to myself, you know, it was a great comfort to me
06:15because I always believed it, you know.
06:17I never doubted, never.
06:19Doubted what?
06:20Well, that you'd come back of course, I never doubted, never, never doubted.
06:22Well, I doubted all the time, every minute.
06:24I said to Margaret, I said, when you came back,
06:27I never gave up hope, I said, and now I've had my reward.
06:31She gave up, you know.
06:33Oh, almost from the moment we got that telegram, she gave up.
06:37Yes, I know, she told me.
06:39She told you?
06:41Yeah, she thought I'd been killed.
06:43She didn't hope at all, yeah, she told me.
06:46She told you?
06:48Excuse me.
06:52Hmm, well, um,
06:54I'm going to have a sandwich or something.
06:57What about tea?
07:00Oh, no, no, no, I shan't bother, I've had two already.
07:11The year before we were married,
07:14you were going away to Ambleside to live,
07:16and I was off to France, to the trenches,
07:19and I thought I'd lost you,
07:21but you'd lost me.
07:24You were wearing one of those fur things
07:26with a fox's head at the end of it.
07:29I remember putting it round your neck,
07:32a cold day in January,
07:35saying goodbye,
07:38and your cheek very cold,
07:41like ice.
07:50The fire's gone out.
07:52Well, I didn't get round to lighting it, actually.
07:55I hadn't long been in when you rang the bell.
07:57I'll get the electric fire in from the kitchen.
07:59Don't think you're saving fuel by using electricity instead of gas.
08:03You've been reading too many posters.
08:05They must think we're morons, mustn't they?
08:07Yes, well, you get so used to being cold these days.
08:09Yes, you get used to it.
08:11You know, the only time I ever feel really warm is in bed.
08:14I'll get the fire.
08:16Margaret.
08:19Have you said anything yet to John?
08:23John?
08:25Yes, about, um...
08:27You know.
08:30Oh, Michael.
08:32No, no, I...
08:34I haven't yet.
08:36I'm sorry. I don't have the old excuse anymore, do I?
08:41He's better now than he's ever been,
08:44and he's different.
08:46He's much more confident, more sure of himself.
08:50So if you ask me why I haven't,
08:52perhaps Freda was right.
08:54The longer you leave it, the worse it gets.
08:56And in a way, I think I'm a little bit afraid of him.
08:59Of John? Yes, of John.
09:02You see, I've always assumed that when I did tell him,
09:04it would be him that I'd have to protect,
09:07you know, from the hurt of it.
09:09I don't think that's true anymore.
09:11In what way not true?
09:13I don't think he'll forgive me.
09:15And not just for Michael,
09:17but for having kept silent about it for so long.
09:19But when he hears why you kept silent, for his sake...
09:22Ah, but will he believe it?
09:24That that's the real reason?
09:26Do I believe it?
09:30Do you believe it?
09:35Why do you ask me if I believe it?
09:38I do believe it. You know I believe it.
09:40You know you still have much too high an opinion of me.
09:43Do I? Yes.
09:45You said nothing for his sake because he was ill.
09:48Why try to convince yourself otherwise?
09:50He's not ill now, is he?
09:52So why am I still not saying anything?
09:57You want me to tell him, don't you?
10:00You're asking me. Yes, yes, I do.
10:04The fact is...
10:06Well, if he doesn't learn it from you, sooner or later Celia's going to tell him.
10:10Yes, but she promised you that she wouldn't, didn't she?
10:12That's because I threatened to leave her.
10:14She doesn't believe I will anymore.
10:16And she's right, of course.
10:18Oh, I believed it at the time.
10:20That day, Christmas a year ago, when we were here,
10:23and she opened that letter from your...
10:25Lover?
10:27A letter from my lover?
10:29No, please, don't say that.
10:31There you are, you see. You turn away from me.
10:33Isn't that what John's going to do?
10:38Yes, but you didn't go on with it, did you?
10:40Not in the end, not when he needed you.
10:42If you knew how close I came to doing just that...
10:46But you didn't. That's what counts, Margaret.
10:48That's what counts, the fact that you didn't.
10:51Is it?
10:52Aren't you saying that because you want it to count?
10:55Because you stayed with her?
10:58Why, Harry?
11:00What was it? Pity? Compassion?
11:03Partly, but...
11:05But it's not the same with Celia and me.
11:07You and John are different.
11:09You wanted to walk away from something.
11:12Me, with Michael, I wanted to walk towards something.
11:15Something that I'd turn my back on.
11:18And why did I turn my back on it?
11:20Because I was nearly 30? Too old, as I saw it, for love?
11:22Because I had a child? Or because I felt, as you do?
11:25Because you loved John.
11:28You know, when you say that, I ask myself, what is love?
11:31You know, what is it?
11:33Already, I've forgotten.
11:36All I can remember is the pain, with the sharp edges gone.
11:40And you've forgotten, too, haven't you?
11:43We've both put something else in its place.
11:46You and I are not so very different, are we?
11:51Could you take the fire in for me, then, while I see to John, George?
11:58Sorry. Just need to get it to queue like that.
12:02Is that all you're going to get to eat tonight?
12:05I had a good lunch.
12:07You ought to have more than that, even so. What sandwich?
12:10I will, I will. I'll get some when I get back, if I'm hungry.
12:20I do wish she'd stop eating.
12:23You don't like me fussing, do you?
12:26I do wish she'd stop fussing. I bet that's what you're saying, isn't it?
12:30I'm a man, Mum. I've grown up.
12:33And as you've grown up, I've grown old, haven't I?
12:37Do you notice me growing old, do you?
12:41No, not really. You and Dad always look much the same to me.
12:46Same? Same as what?
12:50Just a minute.
12:54You've seen that before, won't you? Same as that?
12:59I was taken at Ambleside before you were born at your grandfather's.
13:03Is that what you mean by the same?
13:07I will have to grow old, Mum.
13:10You'd have been proud to be seeing me by then, though, wouldn't you?
13:14Father hasn't changed all that much. Men don't age like women, do you know?
13:18Oh, I could have married anyone then, you know.
13:21Men I could have married. It wouldn't have been scrimping and scraping like a potato.
13:25Dad's done his best. It were bad years, that's all.
13:28Harry was lucky to stay in a job.
13:30Major and Mrs Porter.
13:32Everybody thought it was a great romance when we married, you know.
13:36Romance.
13:38I just wish my eyes had been opened a bit earlier, I do.
13:42I do just wish they had been opened sometimes.
13:44Opened to what?
13:46Ah...
13:49Your father can do no wrong in your eyes these days, can he?
13:53Not like me. Every time I open my mouth, I put my foot in it.
13:57Oh, isn't that what they say?
14:00Like that time I suggested...
14:02Well, I mean, I asked...
14:04No, I just suggested that you should come and live near us in Chorley, didn't I?
14:08What are you trying to tell me about Dad?
14:13Oh, believe me if I told you.
14:15All right, then. Let's forget it, shall we?
14:17You know what I mean, though, anyway, don't you?
14:19What?
14:20Women.
14:22Dad?
14:23Told you he wouldn't believe you.
14:25Mum, that's an awful thing to say.
14:27Yes, the truth hurts, doesn't it?
14:29What, he's admitted it?
14:31Admit the truth, him.
14:33So you've got some kind of proof, then, don't you?
14:36Proof? No.
14:37I know by the way he behaves to me.
14:39I'm just someone to cook and clean for him.
14:42That's all. I've been to your father for years.
14:44Well, that doesn't mean there's somebody else, does it?
14:46He wouldn't talk like that if he lived in the same house with him as I do.
14:49He just sits there in the evening, you know, pretending to read.
14:53Hardly a word to me. He doesn't know I'm there half the time.
14:56And then he smiles to himself, you know, thinking about some woman.
15:00Oh, you don't know that?
15:02Yes, I do.
15:03Women have an instinct in these things.
15:06Why do you think I never doubted that you'd come back, eh?
15:10You believed...
15:12what you wanted to believe.
15:17I'm going to get you another sandwich.
15:19You're not going to exist on one sandwich while you're with me.
15:22Oh, no, no, no.
15:24PIANO PLAYS
15:32Do you play much these days?
15:34Only for assembly at school.
15:36It's been known to put people off music for life.
15:38I wish I had.
15:39Or learn the piano, I mean.
15:43It's just another one of those things that might have been.
15:47Yes, well, life's full of those, isn't it?
15:49They are for me, I'm afraid.
15:51I wonder why I was so dissatisfied.
15:53I don't know.
15:55I used to be quite happy with things as they were, more or less.
15:58Oh, in a way, I've been drifting back to that these last few months.
16:01If it wasn't for...
16:03If it wasn't for what?
16:05Good heavens, look at that. I haven't drawn the curtains.
16:07How complacent we're getting.
16:09Think they're never going to come again, don't we?
16:11Margaret. Yes?
16:13There's a reason why you should tell John as soon as you can.
16:16Oh?
16:18Cedar came to Liverpool today to do just that.
16:21We had a row. I won't bore you with the details.
16:26So you didn't come together?
16:28No. I meant to telephone you to warn you,
16:30but I remembered you'd be at school, so I caught the next train.
16:34And you don't know where she is?
16:36She's probably at home by now.
16:38Oh.
16:40It's not the first time she's threatened, I told you.
16:45She can't have telephoned him because he's not allowed to take the call.
16:50Or if she intended going through with it, she'd have been here by now,
16:54but perhaps next time she will.
16:56Why should she change her mind?
16:58Fear of losing him altogether, I suppose.
17:00He's not exactly going to thank her for it, is he?
17:02No, no, I suppose he's not.
17:04He's got to hear it from you first, Margaret.
17:29Here. I got you some soup.
17:31I really don't want it, Mum.
17:33You used to have an enormous appetite when you were at home.
17:37No, I didn't. I used to pretend to please you.
17:41Well, I've pretended enough things in my time to spare other people's feelings.
17:46You don't get any thanks in this life for telling the truth.
17:51I don't know.
17:53Well, I know.
17:55Things I'd had to keep quiet from your father because he couldn't face the truth.
17:58He lives in a dream world.
18:00You don't know him as I do.
18:02Whose fault's that?
18:04I suppose you'd say it was my fault.
18:06Well, isn't it partly?
18:08Partly? I ought to be grateful I'm only credited with part of the blame.
18:12I thought we were talking about people not facing the truth.
18:16Have I ever pretended to be perfect?
18:19No, no, of course not.
18:21Nobody likes the truth. Nobody.
18:24No, if it's unpleasant, you mean.
18:26That's the sort of truth that doesn't get told, isn't it? The unpleasant truth.
18:30When it's glad tidings of great joy, people fall over themselves.
18:35Do you ever go to church these days?
18:38No.
18:40You used to.
18:42It was a habit. I lost it.
18:44Things we've lost in this war.
18:47It must have been the best years of your life these last few years.
18:52Well, it's had its compensations.
18:54It's certainly woken me up.
18:56I was half asleep in the old days.
18:58Asleep?
18:59No, the things that we used to take for granted.
19:02There'd always be wars, you used to say, and the poor always with us.
19:06It's human nature. We never asked ourselves why. At least I didn't.
19:10Little boys should be seen and not heard.
19:12I was a little boy the day I got married, for God's sake.
19:15Don't blaspheme.
19:17I'm not blaspheming. I mean, for God's sake.
19:20Why has it taken all this time to wake me up?
19:23A war, all that awful time I had in Belgium,
19:26mates I had in the army that were killed
19:28before they even knew what it was like to kiss a girl.
19:31And I went blindly through it all, thinking it was all part of the great plan.
19:34I'm only just beginning to ask myself why.
19:36Is that what I'm on this world for? Just to follow your bloody leader?
19:39If you knew how it hurt me to hear you swear...
19:42All right, I'm sorry. If it hurts you, I won't.
19:44If it hurts you, it's a good reason not to. I can't think of any other.
19:47Disgusting.
19:48I've told you...
19:50What?
19:52Why?
19:53We're touching each other in public.
19:55Mortal sin.
19:56Oh, no, in public.
19:58In public? In private? You love somebody? You touch them?
20:01It's a sin?
20:02No, no, a private's different.
20:04Yes, it is different. In public means you don't care, you're not ashamed.
20:07Shh. Some things are private.
20:10Yes, some things are.
20:18Oh, very well. Thank you for trying.
20:21Yes.
20:29No, there's no reply. She can't be at home yet.
20:31Oh. Well, there's nothing we can do about it.
20:34Oh. Here, you've got work to do. I'm in the way.
20:37There's the whole weekend to do it in.
20:39Are you sure?
20:41Do you mind if I look?
20:43Of course not.
20:45Poetry?
20:46Yes.
20:47They say there's been a poetry revival since the war.
20:50Odd, isn't it?
20:52I took the golden treasure with me into the last lot.
20:55Got left in the mud near Amiens when I got my blighty one.
20:59I don't think I've read a poem since.
21:02It all turned sour in 1920.
21:05Why?
21:06The harsh realities, I suppose.
21:08Isn't poetry supposed to be about those two?
21:10I have a slogging round of it week after week.
21:12Month on end, looking for a job.
21:14I was an ex-major, an officer and a gentleman, as Celia would say.
21:18That made it harder, you see.
21:20Were people writing poetry about that?
21:22I doubt it.
21:24Well, they should have done.
21:26Why didn't you?
21:28Yes, why didn't I?
21:30I could have tried anyway.
21:33Here, I shall have to be going in a minute if I'm going to catch that train.
21:36I'm sorry you didn't see, John.
21:38He talked about poetry.
21:40I didn't see, John.
21:42He talks about you a lot. I think he wishes you were still in Liverpool so he could see more of you.
21:46If he knew what it's meant to have him understand things.
21:50Just to know that my failing him didn't mean I didn't care.
21:55It's meant a lot to him, too.
21:57And yet if I'd walked out on her...
21:59You'd have been walking out on him as well.
22:01Exactly.
22:03I could now.
22:05Why don't I now?
22:08You feel sorry for her, don't you?
22:10To need pity. Isn't that the ultimate degradation?
22:13And doesn't some of it rub off on the giver?
22:15I think perhaps it does, you know.
22:17It's like being a creditor. You begin to resent the debtor.
22:20Unless, of course, you're a ruddy saint.
22:28I will have to go in a minute.
22:30Go?
22:31The night class at home.
22:32Oh, yes. I forgot. Couldn't you miss it for once?
22:35It's the first of the term. I missed two nights last term with the flu.
22:39They're dropping like flies with flu round our way, you know.
22:42And Mr Churchill, he's had pneumonia.
22:44We can't even cope with the flu these days, can we?
22:47My neighbour says it's the Germans.
22:49Dropping germs, she says.
22:51I'll try and come over and see you next week, then.
22:56I wish I said that last month, didn't you?
22:58She doesn't want to come, I suppose.
23:00I told you I had the flu.
23:01Oh, yes, still. She doesn't like coming, does she?
23:03Let's face it.
23:05It's not much fun travelling anywhere these days, is it?
23:08I wish Dad a happy New Year.
23:10John, don't go. No, don't go.
23:12Sit down, John. Sit down.
23:14What's wrong?
23:17Well, it's... I mean...
23:20Well, I haven't had a chance to talk to you on my own, you know.
23:23Not since we had that round. Do you know that?
23:25Do you know how long ago that was?
23:28I mean, do you remember what you said to me?
23:31You're unkind about Margaret.
23:33Unkind?
23:34That's the way you talked about her. Not what you said, but the way you said it.
23:37Treating me as if I was ten years old.
23:39I just lost my temper, that's all.
23:40Well, I haven't had a chance yet to ask you whether...
23:43whether you can forgive me.
23:46It's just something that happened.
23:48It didn't change anything.
23:55You sound just like your father when you talk like that, don't you?
23:59Comfort. Top-league comfort, I call it.
24:02Well...
24:04You were saying just now,
24:06you were complaining about people not telling the truth.
24:09Well, I told you the truth then.
24:11It should have made things better between us.
24:13Yes, only I couldn't face it. Is that what you mean?
24:15It wasn't that awful, was it?
24:16Just that people grow up, things change.
24:18Feelings get on top of me sometimes.
24:20Yes, well, I was trying to tell you the truth then,
24:22only somehow it never happened.
24:24What truth?
24:30Oh, what's the use?
24:34You won't believe me, it'll just be my word against hers.
24:37Hers?
24:38She'll deny it, of course.
24:39Deny what?
24:41You would want to know it, though, wouldn't you?
24:43I mean, the truth, whatever it was.
24:45Mum, we're just playing around with words.
24:47If you're going to tell me something, for God's sake, tell me.
24:50Shh.
24:51All right, all right.
24:52Shh.
24:54Well, look.
24:55While you were away, I mean, when you were missing,
24:59I'm not saying that...
25:00Oh, all right, I'm not saying that she thought you were alive still,
25:03because she didn't.
25:04I'm the only one who kept that flag flying.
25:07She met another man.
25:10There, sir.
25:13Oh, right.
25:15Go on.
25:18She's not told you about it, has she?
25:19Not any of it, no?
25:21Any of...
25:23What?
25:24Well, there was...
25:25I saw this letter from him.
25:27He'd written to her.
25:28Well, I mean, it was opened by accident, of course,
25:30and your father destroyed it.
25:32He didn't want me to tell you the truth.
25:33Oh, no, not him.
25:34Shh, listen, listen.
25:37What?
25:38She had a baby.
25:41I went to see her in hospital, and...
25:43What?
25:44They said that she'd just been injured in a raid.
25:45Not a word about a baby.
25:46Oh, dear, no.
25:47They kept that very quiet, didn't they?
25:49They've all known all this time.
25:51And Mother...
25:52Well, she carried it to the grave with her, didn't she?
25:58A baby, yes.
26:02Oh, I see.
26:07She had a baby.
26:08Yes, yes, it died.
26:12Oh.
26:15Yes.
26:16I did right to tell you, didn't I, John?
26:18John, I did right.
26:19I did say I did right.
26:20Yes, yes.
26:21Yes, uh...
26:22Yes, you did right.
26:25Oh.
26:26Well, goodbye.
26:27John, don't go.
26:28Don't go!
26:29I...
26:42Made any New Year's resolutions, then?
26:45Oh, I think I shall try and give up smoking.
26:47They say it stops you growing.
26:50And I shall tell John.
26:51Yes, it would be best.
26:52What if he leaves me?
26:53He won't.
26:54You must know that.
26:55Because of John George?
26:56No, not just because of that.
26:58It's what she wants, isn't it?
27:00Oh, Margaret.
27:02Yes, perhaps.
27:04I can't imagine why.
27:07There's a lot she doesn't know about him, you know.
27:10I know it may seem that I've stood on the sidelines all these years,
27:13but when someone's trying to shut you out,
27:15you notice all the more, perhaps.
27:18I remember the first time he was in love.
27:20He was 14.
27:22He started coming home late from school.
27:24Excuses about staying to help the teacher,
27:27but it was a girl.
27:29He'd walk her home and they'd stand at the gate and talk
27:32and then he'd come back.
27:34I felt very guilty about knowing.
27:36You're making me jealous.
27:38I could see he was unhappy.
27:39You know what it's like at that age.
27:41Poor John.
27:42What could I say to him?
27:43I wasn't supposed to know.
27:45Anyway, when you're in love,
27:47you don't want it to stop, the pain.
27:50You relish your unhappiness.
27:53I never told Celia.
28:01That was just another one of those things
28:03that we might have been able to share.
28:06I'm sorry.
28:07Oh, you mustn't be.
28:09I don't want you to be my creditor, remember?
28:13We all have our fantasies.
28:16They help to keep us warm.
28:20I'm sorry.
28:51Hello.
28:52I thought you'd be at night school.
28:54Er, I decided to give it a miss.
28:58You all right?
28:59Headache?
29:00No.
29:01Honey, you look tired.
29:03Yes, er...
29:05I'm tired.
29:07I've lit a fire in the back room.
29:09We'll go and get it.
29:10No, I can't.
29:11I've got a fever.
29:12I've got a fever.
29:13I've got a fever.
29:14I've got a fever.
29:15I've got a fever.
29:16I've got a fever.
29:17I've got a fever.
29:18Well, look, I've lit a fire in the back room.
29:20Why don't you go and warm yourself, eh?
29:22What would you like to eat?
29:24I've had a sandwich.
29:26Oh, well, the kettle should be boiling soon.
29:28Would you like something to drink?
29:30Where's your father?
29:31Howdy Scotch these days.
29:33Search me.
29:34If you really want something in that line,
29:36there's a bottle of sherry in the kitchen cupboard.
29:38You know, the one David brought home at Christmas.
29:40It hasn't even been opened yet.
29:42Oh, dish blows.
29:44BELL RINGS
29:50Oh, it's in the cupboard.
29:52Hmm?
29:53Sherry.
29:54Um, where's Johnny?
29:57He's in bed.
29:59I think I'll go and say goodnight to him.
30:02He's probably dropped off by now.
30:03You won't wake him, will you?
30:04I won't wake him, will you?
30:05Take me for him.
30:15I'll have a cup of tea, please.
30:36I thought you'd be home by now.
30:39Mm-hm.
30:45Have you been to the Grants?
30:48No.
30:52Would you like a cup of tea?
30:56The train will be here in five minutes.
30:58Oh, yes, certainly.
31:03Where have you been, as if I didn't know?
31:05You know, all I ask.
31:09Does she have to stay for herself?
31:12If it's any comfort to you, she's going to tell him herself.
31:15Comfort?
31:17Comfort?
31:18She would have anyway, in time.
31:20Would she?
31:21Yes, without any prompting from me.
31:26Well, I've saved her the trouble.
31:30You've what?
31:33He was here.
31:35I saw him not half an hour ago.
31:38I've done what I should have done months ago.
31:42You've told him?
31:43Yes.
31:45I've told him.
31:47Me.
31:49I've told him.
31:53I've told him!
32:12I've told him.
32:43You haven't.
32:45You've missed that train anyway.
32:49Do you want me to get you another cup of tea?
32:51I said, do you?
32:53I heard you.
32:54Well, do you or don't you?
32:55No.
32:56Not a mind-reader, you know.
32:58Perhaps that's just as well.
33:01I'm not afraid of the truth, if you are.
33:04Truth?
33:05God, if only I knew what the truth was.
33:08All those wasted years.
33:11Wasted years of those lifetimes.
33:13I don't know what you're insinuating.
33:15I'm not insinuating anything.
33:16I'm telling you, they've been wasted years.
33:18Wasted lives, yours as well as mine.
33:20I'll speak for myself, thank you.
33:22You mean you think they haven't been wasted?
33:24It wasn't always like this.
33:25Wasn't it?
33:26Before we were married.
33:27It wasn't like this before we were married.
33:28That's so long ago I've forgotten.
33:30Well, I haven't forgotten.
33:31You were different then.
33:32No, I wasn't.
33:33That much I do remember.
33:34I couldn't have been very much different
33:35if it were only for the simple reason
33:36that for the last 30 years I've stood still.
33:38Got up in the morning, shaved,
33:40had breakfast and gone to work.
33:41Yes, and who's done it all?
33:42Who's cooked all those breakfasts?
33:43You're not the only one who's worked, you know.
33:45I suppose that's why I married you.
33:48You don't have to tell me why men get married.
33:51Don't I?
33:52All right, then you tell me.
33:54Go on, you tell me why I married you.
33:56You think I'm going to talk about my private life
33:59in a public place.
34:00Very well, I'll tell you.
34:02I married you because I felt something for you
34:05that made life more than work.
34:08Because I wouldn't ever have to be alone again.
34:11Because the thing I was afraid of, I could share.
34:15Because I thought that's how you felt about it too.
34:19The thing you won't talk about, that was there.
34:23But it was something else.
34:26Has it been so very terrible?
34:28Shh!
34:29In a public place.
34:38Shh!
35:08What's that?
35:15Debussy.
35:17La fille aux cheveux de l'un.
35:19Oh, you must have heard me play it before.
35:21It's my party piece.
35:23I learned it by heart when I was 18
35:25and wished I'd been born a blonde.
35:29Do you like it?
35:31Yes.
35:33Would you have liked me if I'd been blonde?
35:37Do you want to be blonde, for God's sake?
35:39I don't know.
35:41We want to be something we're not, don't we?
35:44Silly, really.
35:45Silly?
35:46Well, we are what we are, aren't we?
35:55Music's always meant a lot more to you than it does to me.
36:01Quite a lot, yes.
36:03And I like music.
36:05Yes, I know you do.
36:06But I've never really thought about it.
36:09It was more than a visit to the old concert.
36:13You make it sound as if it's all too late.
36:16Do I?
36:18Is something wrong?
36:21You've had a visitor.
36:23Oh, yes.
36:24Do you know I'd forgotten?
36:25It was your father.
36:27Dad?
36:28Yes, well, he came over to do some shopping
36:29and he popped round to see us.
36:30Well, why didn't he wait?
36:31Well, you see, I told him you were at night class
36:33and I said you'd be disappointed.
36:37What did you talk about?
36:39Nothing much.
36:40You know, the usual.
36:42What's the usual?
36:43Well, you mostly.
36:45What about me?
36:46Oh, well, I don't know.
36:47I think he wishes he could see more of you.
36:48You know, live near.
36:51I can't think why.
36:52We haven't got that much in common.
36:54Well, he's your father.
36:55Oh, yes, yes.
36:56That means we've got a whole world in common, of course.
36:58I don't know, but something, surely.
37:01Mum, actually, I think that's all we've got in common.
37:03Mum and her odd little ways.
37:07Well, John...
37:09Can't you imagine what it was like to be a kid in that house?
37:12Being fought over half the time.
37:14Not only were you a good, clean give-and-take.
37:16No, no, no.
37:17Long silences, injured looks,
37:19Mum's tongue rolling on like the tide.
37:22Why didn't he hit her, for God's sake?
37:24You know why.
37:25All right, then.
37:26He'd have walked out.
37:27He'd have walked out like a man.
37:28I'd have gone with him.
37:29By God, I would.
37:30A child needs a mother.
37:32A child needs people he can respect.
37:36That's what a child needs.
37:37Yes, yes.
37:38Well, he has his own doubts too, you know.
37:42You've been having a nice, cosy little chat, haven't you?
37:45We've talked about things, yes.
37:47About me?
37:48A bit, yes.
37:49Have you been telling him what a mess I am?
37:51No, of course not.
37:52What a useless specimen he helped to make me into.
37:54Half a man like he is.
37:55Why are you talking like this when it's not true anyway?
37:57Well, it was not so long ago, wasn't it?
37:59Well, were you?
38:00What did you say my complaint was?
38:01You never asked.
38:02It was obvious.
38:03Obvious, was it?
38:04Things had happened to you,
38:05and you don't think I expected you to be normal after that?
38:08You needed time, didn't you?
38:10We both needed time.
38:12Didn't we?
38:16Um...
38:17We never talk.
38:20It's just like Mum and Dad when I was a kid,
38:22skating around things.
38:24Nothing I ever heard in that house
38:26made any sense in the world I walked out into.
38:29I walked into marriage with you
38:31with a grand total of 27 years of trivialities
38:33and a job in the treasurer's department.
38:35Do you think it's been any better for him?
38:37It was him that married her.
38:38It was him that brought me into the bloody world.
38:40And when in all those years have I...
38:42I had anyone I could turn to when I was in trouble.
38:46Well, you've got me now, haven't you?
38:53John!
38:54John, please!
38:56John!
38:57Look, I'm trying to...
39:00Um...
39:05It's me again, Margaret.
39:07John's here.
39:08Yes, I know.
39:09He didn't go to night class.
39:14Why have you come back?
39:16Celia was at the station.
39:18She's seen him.
39:19Told him some tale of a sick relative.
39:21Phoned him up.
39:22She's told him, hasn't she?
39:24Yes, she has.
39:25As I guessed.
39:26What, he didn't say?
39:27No, no, he didn't say.
39:30Where is he now?
39:31He's upstairs.
39:34Celia's in the taxi, waiting outside.
39:37I came in to see if I could help.
39:39It's my own fault.
39:40I was sure she'd gone home.
39:42It doesn't matter. It's my own fault.
39:45It should have been you.
39:46Yes, yes. He's not going to forgive me for that, you know.
39:50Would you like me to speak to him?
39:52I think I have to do that myself this time, don't I?
39:56Would you rather I went?
39:57No, no.
39:58No, please, please.
39:59All right.
40:00All right, I can stay.
40:01Don't go.
40:02Don't worry, there's another train. I can stay.
40:11Are we staying or are we not?
40:12We are staying for a moment.
40:14Then you'd better go and see to the taxi, haven't you?
40:16I'm going to be a while.
40:22It's no good looking at me like that, Margaret.
40:24It's not me that's the guilty one.
40:26He had a right to know.
40:27I should never have waited this long.
40:29No, no, it's me that shouldn't have waited.
40:30I would have told him, you know.
40:32When? When would you have told him, eh?
40:34How long much longer do you think you'd have gone on with a thing like that between you?
40:37But don't you think that's for me to decide?
40:38There is a child to consider.
40:39Oh, were you thinking of that when you told him?
40:41Oh, you've always hated me, haven't you?
40:43Hated?
40:44Laughing at me behind my back and making a joke of me to him.
40:46That's not true.
40:47So you say.
40:48You're enjoying this, aren't you? It's your big day.
40:50Enjoying it? I'm hating every minute of it.
40:52Oh, my God. Another blasphemer.
40:59What have you been saying?
41:00What have I been saying?
41:02Haven't you done enough?
41:03She thinks I'm enjoying it.
41:04And aren't you?
41:14What have I done to you?
41:27To me?
41:28The way...
41:30The way you look at me, what have I done to you?
41:36I don't know. It's altogether your fault.
41:40Sometimes I think it's both of us, or me, for allowing it.
41:45Sometimes I think we've done it to each other.
41:48Done what?
41:51Destroyed the only chance of happiness we might have had.
41:55We've only had one life and we've thrown it away, haven't we?
41:59But it was all there, you know, in the beginning.
42:02I think of it sometimes when we're sitting there in the evening hardly saying a word to each other.
42:08I think of what might have been.
42:12What didn't we say to each other that might have made it possible?
42:23What didn't we say to each other?
42:32Your father's come back.
42:34And your mother. They came in a taxi from the station.
42:38Ah.
42:40You know that?
42:43Yes.
42:46Yes.
42:50I would have told you.
42:52I was going to for a long time, but first you were ill and then coping with your job and...
42:58Well, then it just became harder.
43:02When it was possible to tell you, it was harder.
43:06You'd come alive when I thought I'd lost you.
43:10And I didn't want to lose you again.
43:13You do know.
43:15Yes.
43:17Yes, I do know.
43:19I'm sorry that you had to hear it like that.
43:22Oh, it wasn't you.
43:24It...
43:26Do you want to talk about it?
43:29Now?
43:31Isn't there something that you want to say to me?
43:33Oh, not now.
43:35Not just now.
43:37Not with people in the house.
43:41I'm sorry I blew up about Dad.
43:44I'd have a go at somebody.
43:46I know Mum's the obvious target, but you can't hit her, can you?
43:49Not trying to hit a barn door at 25 yards and a re-shutter miss.
43:52Yes, well, I'm a fairly deserving target, aren't I?
43:57I can't talk to you with them downstairs. Have they sent the taxi away?
44:01Yes.
44:03Are they thinking of staying?
44:05I don't know. I don't think so. There is another train.
44:08I want them to go. I don't want anybody here.
44:11Shall I tell them?
44:13No, I'll go. You wait here.
44:17John, don't be long.
44:19No.
44:21And, John, don't be unkind.
44:24Don't be unkind.
44:31Official reports on today's fighting haven't yet been broadcast from Moscow.
44:35Well, I'm going to take my coat off.
44:37Aren't we staying that long?
44:39The Fifth Army is closing in steadily on the town of Cassino.
44:42Do you realise he might well be coming back with us?
44:44See, you can't really believe that, can you?
44:46They can hardly go on living together, can they, after all this?
44:48How many years have we lived together?
44:50Well, we all have to live through troubles, don't we?
44:54We've never had to live through anything like this, though, have we?
44:56We've never soiled ourselves with this kind of behaviour.
44:59You really believe it, don't you?
45:01That there's nothing worse?
45:03Nothing more scandalous?
45:07John, love, I came back to see you, in case you needed me.
45:10Yes, there is another train, isn't there?
45:12Yes, there is.
45:14You can come back to Charlie with us, you know.
45:16Oh, Celia!
45:18Is that why you told me? Because you thought I'd come back with you?
45:20It's my duty to tell you, John. My duty as a mother.
45:22Back on the old hook and chain? Is that why you wanted me?
45:24It's my duty to tell you. You said I did right, didn't you?
45:26Will you...
45:28We'll phone for a taxi, darling. I want you to take mum back home.
45:30Well, I'm not leaving this house until you've had it out with her.
45:32To love what?
45:34You heard me.
45:36Celia, don't be so stupid. You'll only make it worse.
45:38The things I've told you.
45:40I'll go and get a taxi.
45:42You stay where you are. You've done enough, I'm all ready.
45:44She'll not deny it, you know.
45:46Well, what are you saying?
45:48I ask her, she says yes, and that's the end of the conversation.
45:50I just walk out of the house. Is that how you see it?
45:52It's awful what she's done to you.
45:54Why should I ask her why, if it's so awful?
45:56I haven't had the right to ask her why.
45:58Excuses, you mean. Excuses.
46:00For that kind of behaviour.
46:02Oh, she'll have plenty of excuses lined up, I'll make no doubt.
46:04She's had a lot of time to think of excuses, hasn't she?
46:06All these months.
46:08What years she's been deceiving you.
46:10This...
46:12She's been living with me.
46:14She's been looking after me, helping me to put me back on my feet.
46:16Of course she has.
46:18With her conscience? What else could she do?
46:20You want me to come back home?
46:22Well, what sort of a life will you have here, after all?
46:24You think I'd be better at home?
46:26You could bring baby.
46:28There's no power in the land that would give her custody of that child,
46:31after what she's done.
46:33And I'd try not to upset you, John, I would.
46:35No, no, no, I swear I would, John, I would.
46:37You weren't happy at home.
46:39Happy?
46:41When was I ever happy?
46:43God, she believes it. She believes every bloody word she says.
46:45It's incredible.
46:47I was miserable at home. A miserable sin, I was.
46:49Years and years of it.
46:51Do you think I didn't know what went on?
46:52Yes, you did, lad.
46:54They were. They are now.
46:56Mum, you're deceiving yourself. You're playing games.
46:58Look back at the truth.
47:00It's too late, lad. It's too late.
47:02Too late? Too late for what?
47:04What are you talking about, too late?
47:06You're talking about me behind my back, aren't you?
47:08Shutting me out and talking about me.
47:10Go home with her.
47:12She's pulled the wool over your eyes.
47:14Go home, Mum!
47:16You're excusing her like that when a saint wouldn't.
47:18Well, I'm no saint, Mum, believe me.
47:20I found that out in Belgium,
47:22What's he talking about?
47:24No, no, no. She talks about rights and duties.
47:26She's got a right to know.
47:28You ever heard of a dose?
47:30The state she's got him into, he doesn't know what it is.
47:33You know what a dose is?
47:35I don't know what you're talking about. I can't hear you.
47:37It's a big joke in the army.
47:39The lads kid you you can get it off a lavatory seat.
47:41Well, I didn't get it off a lavatory seat.
47:43I came crawling home with it.
47:45I was ashamed to tell anybody. I was terrified it'd touch my wife.
47:47And twice a week, I'd creep off to the clinic.
47:50Off to the park, I used to say.
47:52And I was one of the lucky ones.
47:54It's not funny, by God, it isn't.
47:56You're lying to me. You're lying to excuse her, aren't you?
47:58Ashamed of me?
48:02I want to go home.
48:05Oh, I didn't want to go away from my wife.
48:10I can't tell you how I missed her those first few months.
48:14If somebody sent me a telegram saying that she was missing, believed killed,
48:18do you know what I'd have done?
48:19I'd have done exactly the same as she did.
48:21Now, can you understand that? Can you?
48:23For Dad's sake more than mine, we all need love.
48:26Don't touch me.
48:28Don't touch me.
48:38Dad's sent for a taxi.
48:40She's going?
48:42Yes.
48:45Do you want to talk now?
48:47Yes.
48:49Can you?
48:51Yes.
48:54Yes, but hold me while I tell you.
48:58Hold me.
49:00Hold me.
49:19Hold me.
49:49The End