Muslim Woman Gives Her Life to JESUS After Realizing THIS...😳 (Testimony)

Christian Faith

In this incredible testimony, a former Muslim woman shares her powerful journey to faith in Jesus Christ. 🙏✨

Transcript

00:00:00So it all started before I was even born.

00:00:03I was born into a Muslim family,

00:00:05both my mom and my dad's side, they're all Muslim.

00:00:09And so my mom and my dad, they had an arranged marriage.

00:00:12My father and his lineage is from Palestine,

00:00:15while my mom and her lineage is from Jordan.

00:00:18So my mom and my dad,

00:00:20they got married here in the States, in Pennsylvania,

00:00:23and my mom came all the way from Jordan.

00:00:26This was her first husband, her first even relationship.

00:00:29She never had a boyfriend before my father.

00:00:32And when they got married, you know,

00:00:35my dad was very deceptive.

00:00:37She thought everything was gonna be great.

00:00:39He was definitely not the man

00:00:41that was shown to my entire family.

00:00:44When she moved over here to America,

00:00:46and it was just them here alone in the United States,

00:00:49my father was so abusive to my mom.

00:00:52He would beat her, he would starve her.

00:00:55And that's when rejection really entered.

00:00:59So it was before I was even born

00:01:02that the rejection, you know,

00:01:03had fully entered into my life.

00:01:06Upon her giving birth to me, my mom went to the courts.

00:01:09She said, I wanna file for a divorce, you know.

00:01:12He's very abusive to me.

00:01:14She had called the police.

00:01:15Every time the police came, my dad would talk to them.

00:01:20And they just never believed her.

00:01:22They never believed her.

00:01:24So she went to the courts and they said,

00:01:26okay, we'll grant you the divorce.

00:01:29We're gonna take Nadine back to Jordan

00:01:31with you for three months.

00:01:33My mom took me back with her.

00:01:36And when she did, she never brought me back to America.

00:01:39She kept me in Jordan.

00:01:41And so at this point,

00:01:42she had completely went against the US law, right?

00:01:46She has multiple bench warrants out for her arrest.

00:01:50She never came back to bring me

00:01:52because Jordanian law at the time

00:01:54did not recognize US law.

00:01:57And so she said, she's the mom, she's Jordanian.

00:01:59Nadine's allowed to live here.

00:02:01But I was born as a US citizen.

00:02:03So the United States and Jordanian law

00:02:06started going at it with each other.

00:02:08You know, the FBI was involved.

00:02:10We had multiple court, like we had multiple judges,

00:02:13everything working around this specific situation.

00:02:17It was one of maybe 2,000 a year international kidnappings.

00:02:22Even though she was my mom,

00:02:23she had internationally kidnapped me to Jordan

00:02:26and never brought me back.

00:02:27During this time, my dad's making a good amount of money.

00:02:30He owns a business.

00:02:31So he's flying every month to see me in Jordan, right?

00:02:34Like for once a month, he'd stay, you know,

00:02:36for the weekend and come visit me.

00:02:38But the visitation was monitored visitation.

00:02:42So he'd always have to see me

00:02:44in something called a marcas, right?

00:02:46Where there'd be like an officer,

00:02:48there'd be someone watching.

00:02:49So my dad would take the trip

00:02:51all the way from Pennsylvania to Jordan

00:02:53to come see me once a month.

00:02:55And during this time,

00:02:56he had built a report with my family,

00:02:58like I'm coming to see her, everything's all good.

00:03:00So this lasted about five years.

00:03:02It's now the year 2005.

00:03:04And my dad says to my mom, he goes,

00:03:07hey, I'm gonna take Nadine to the zoo.

00:03:10Is that okay?

00:03:11I wanna take her to the zoo.

00:03:13And they allowed him to take me out of the marcas,

00:03:16which is the monitored visitation,

00:03:18and to take me to the zoo.

00:03:21At this time, my dad was not taking me to the zoo.

00:03:23He was bringing me all the way back to the United States.

00:03:27And so the FBI was completely involved with this.

00:03:31They actually made me a passport

00:03:33and they sent my dad to Jordan.

00:03:36But they said, if you get arrested,

00:03:38there's nothing we can do to help you.

00:03:40Like if you get arrested in Jordan,

00:03:41it's completely out of our hands now.

00:03:44But as soon as she's on the airplane, in the air,

00:03:47she's considered to be on US soil.

00:03:49So that's what my dad did.

00:03:52My mom sent me off to the zoo that day

00:03:55and just didn't see me again,

00:03:56never went back to live with her again.

00:03:59And so I remember that day, like, it's crazy.

00:04:02So I was only about five years old,

00:04:04but I remember being at the airport.

00:04:06I remember something was off about the whole ordeal.

00:04:09But as I was on the plane,

00:04:12I remember there was like, something had gone wrong, right?

00:04:15Where I think someone was notified on the plane

00:04:17that I was being kidnapped from Jordan.

00:04:20But because we were already on US soil,

00:04:22being on that plane, we were good.

00:04:24We came, we touched down

00:04:25and there were police officers all around us.

00:04:28They took us into a separate room, made sure I was okay.

00:04:31And from there, I continued,

00:04:33I started living in the state of Ohio.

00:04:36So born in Pennsylvania, lived in Jordan

00:04:38and now I'm in the state of Ohio.

00:04:40And this is really where it all begins.

00:04:45My upbringing with my father was very hard.

00:04:52I grew up with a single father,

00:04:53then again, a single Muslim father.

00:04:56And growing up in a Muslim family

00:05:00is already very tough when you live overseas, right?

00:05:05But imagine growing up here in America

00:05:07where everything around you, all your friends,

00:05:10all your classmates are completely, you know,

00:05:13uncovered and they have friends that are boys

00:05:15and they go to things like football games

00:05:17and they're living their norm.

00:05:19And you're like, why is my life so different?

00:05:21You know?

00:05:22And so upon growing up with my dad,

00:05:25I think he was so angry at what my mom had done

00:05:30when she originally stole me.

00:05:32I think looking back at it,

00:05:34that every time he looked at me,

00:05:36he thought of her and what she had done.

00:05:40And so now my dad has his name on the border in Jordan.

00:05:46He can't go to Jordan.

00:05:47My mom can't come to the United States.

00:05:50My dad can't go bury his mom and his dad that passed away

00:05:54because his name's on the border in Jordan.

00:05:56So his whole family lives over there.

00:05:58He risked everything to get me back.

00:06:01And I think he looks at me and resent every day.

00:06:05But at the time, you don't know that.

00:06:06You're just a child growing up.

00:06:08I try not to blame him now,

00:06:10but when I look back, I realize,

00:06:13wow, whatever lack of love you had from your family,

00:06:17I can't really blame you.

00:06:18It's what you grew up in.

00:06:19And that's why you're taking what you're taking out on me.

00:06:22You don't know better.

00:06:24So we grew up in Ohio and all the school I went to,

00:06:28it was like 900 people in the total school.

00:06:30So it was fairly small and it was all white people.

00:06:34So I say that because everyone had like blonde hair

00:06:37and blue eyes majority.

00:06:39There were maybe like two or three like black people,

00:06:41maybe like two Hispanics,

00:06:43but being somewhere of like a different race is like so rare

00:06:49where I grew up in Youngstown, Ohio.

00:06:51I was very hairy, dark hair, mustache, little unibrow.

00:06:55And I remember I was just getting picked on at school,

00:06:58getting picked on for being so hairy,

00:07:00getting picked on for being weird.

00:07:01And on top of that, I'm going home.

00:07:03My father and I are just so impoverished.

00:07:06We don't have money.

00:07:07We're on like all these food stamps.

00:07:09There's rats in our home, cockroaches in our home.

00:07:12And I just remember being like so frustrated.

00:07:15Like when I go to school, the kids are picking on me.

00:07:18All these kids, they have both parents.

00:07:21They have a nice granite island in their kitchen

00:07:24with a fridge where the water comes out

00:07:27and I go home and I have nothing.

00:07:29It was so frustrating to see what everyone had

00:07:32and not having it when I went home.

00:07:34On top of that, my dad was so abusive.

00:07:38He started becoming abusive around the age of six and seven.

00:07:43And around that time, I was very much missing my mom,

00:07:50but I didn't know what had happened.

00:07:52We weren't in contact with each other.

00:07:54My dad would not allow me to, you know,

00:07:57obviously tell anyone, you know, where I had moved.

00:08:00I wasn't in contact with my family

00:08:02because my family in Jordan, they had a lot of connections.

00:08:06And so my dad was scared that someone would try to come

00:08:09and steal me.

00:08:10So I remember sleeping in my house in Youngstown, Ohio

00:08:14and putting like a hammer or something underneath

00:08:16like my bed in case someone tried to come take me or hurt me.

00:08:19My dad would always put lies in my head,

00:08:21like someone's gonna try to steal you.

00:08:22Make sure you're very careful.

00:08:25So I was just paranoid.

00:08:26Like I'm a little girl in a new country, just not at peace.

00:08:31And I remember just little things I would do.

00:08:35If I'd wear like a little V-neck, he'd spit on me.

00:08:38He'd call me a whore.

00:08:40When my boobs started growing

00:08:41and when my body started to develop, he was so mean to me.

00:08:45It's like he hated me for my body developing.

00:08:48And he just hated the fact

00:08:50that I was growing to Western culture while being a Muslim.

00:08:56And ever since a young age, I hated Islam.

00:09:02I didn't understand it, but I hated it.

00:09:04I said, how come you pray five times a day

00:09:07and you treat me like this?

00:09:09How come all my family, even my grandmas,

00:09:11my aunts and uncles, everyone's praying five times a day,

00:09:14but everyone's miserable.

00:09:15There's abuse happening in the family.

00:09:17Every time my dad's on the phone with someone from home,

00:09:20it's always like a bad report.

00:09:22Like, it's just like, there's no peace.

00:09:25And so even though I didn't understand

00:09:27what the fullness of Islam was, I saw the fruits of it.

00:09:31And all the fruits of it were so rotten all the time.

00:09:35I think that's when I started to grow, I guess,

00:09:38a not hate, but a resentment towards who I knew God to be.

00:09:44And that was Allah.

00:09:45And I remember I would like try to like pray to Allah.

00:09:48I would try to do the prayers, the five times a day,

00:09:51but I'm just like, I'm literally just standing,

00:09:54bending down, putting my head to the ground.

00:09:56Like there's no peace in any of this.

00:10:00And I was just getting so frustrated at such a young age.

00:10:03And I also didn't understand how my dad

00:10:07could be around these other Muslims,

00:10:09could get on the phone and make it seem

00:10:11like he's doing a great job.

00:10:12While at the time he had been beating me,

00:10:15he was pouring gasoline on my hair.

00:10:17I found out in like fifth grade that I had lice

00:10:21because it was like going around the school.

00:10:24They found out I had it, they called home.

00:10:25And I remember I was so scared when they called home

00:10:28because I was like, oh my gosh, I'm about to get it.

00:10:30I'm about to get it.

00:10:31I came home, he said, you're so dirty.

00:10:34The school's calling me, they think I'm a bad parent.

00:10:37They think that I'm dirty.

00:10:39Mind you, our house was really dirty.

00:10:41But he said, you know, they think I'm dirty.

00:10:44I remember he went out, he went to the gas station.

00:10:46He dragged me into the bathtub,

00:10:49put my head on right where the bathtub was

00:10:52and grabbed the gasoline, not like with water in it,

00:10:54the one that goes into your car and poured it on my head.

00:10:59I had burns on my head.

00:11:01You know, gasoline, the smell's so strong.

00:11:03So I went to school, people are, you know,

00:11:05always doing this, no homeworks.

00:11:06I stink because I smell like gasoline.

00:11:09I have little burns all over my scalp.

00:11:15And it was just, even everything I'm saying now,

00:11:17it doesn't even summarize all of that was happening.

00:11:20But it was a hard upbringing, nevertheless.

00:11:24In sixth grade, I, like I said,

00:11:27my body started to develop the most it had ever developed.

00:11:30And at this time, I was really shy to tell my dad

00:11:34that I needed like a bra or, you know,

00:11:36my period had also started.

00:11:38I was shy to tell him I needed like, you know,

00:11:40feminine materials, single father, right?

00:11:43And so I remember like, I would wear like multiple tank tops

00:11:48to like hide my body.

00:11:49Cause I always felt like this was very dirty.

00:11:52Like, you know, especially growing up Muslim,

00:11:54it's very dirty that I'm having a body at such a young age.

00:11:57But then I noticed that the boys in my school

00:12:01were liking the fact that my body was growing in.

00:12:04And so even though I was like,

00:12:06I kind of had like a really love-hate relationship with it

00:12:09because of how my father was treating me at home.

00:12:12But then also the boys at school liked it.

00:12:15And so this is the first time now in my life

00:12:17where I'm getting some type of attention.

00:12:19The boys are starting to like me.

00:12:21They're starting to look at me more, you know,

00:12:23kind of come up to like my locker or start texting me,

00:12:26following me on Facebook.

00:12:28And so my body's growing in and I realized,

00:12:31wow, for the first time in my life,

00:12:34I finally have someone who actually wants to talk to me.

00:12:37Like, I'm not going up to them first,

00:12:38trying to find a friend, you know,

00:12:40someone wants to talk to me, you know?

00:12:42And so I said, okay, you know, I'm a young girl.

00:12:47This is the way now to finally have some type of approval

00:12:51or some type of connection with someone.

00:12:53So my seventh grade year started.

00:12:56And I remember I was as like depressed as ever.

00:13:02And I was cutting myself.

00:13:05I was very frustrated with my life.

00:13:07I was cutting myself.

00:13:08I started cutting on my legs.

00:13:10And then my counselor found out I was cutting on my legs.

00:13:13So I had to start hiding it.

00:13:15So I started cutting on my stomach

00:13:17because who checks a stomach, right?

00:13:18And then I started cutting on my back

00:13:20and I just started cutting myself, cutting myself.

00:13:24And as this was happening,

00:13:26that's when like those suicidal thoughts

00:13:30started entering so much more

00:13:32is when I started harming myself.

00:13:34And I remember this so clearly.

00:13:37Around this time, I would see demons.

00:13:42And now when I say that, you know,

00:13:45as a born again believer, that's not so crazy, right?

00:13:49But when you're unsaved, when you're just a little girl,

00:13:52when you grow up, you know, in a Muslim household,

00:13:55people are looking at you like you're crazy.

00:13:57So I remember every time I would sleep, I'd wake up,

00:14:00I'd have horrible sleep paralysis,

00:14:02feel like someone's on top of me, choking me.

00:14:04I'd wake up and I'd scream the word demon, demon, demon.

00:14:07I see demons.

00:14:08My dad was like, no, absolutely not.

00:14:12I think he was scared.

00:14:13So he sent me to a psychiatrist.

00:14:16At the young age of seventh grade,

00:14:17I went to a psychiatrist and they diagnosed me

00:14:19with ADHD, PDSD, bipolar, borderline schizophrenia,

00:14:26major anxiety, major depressive disorder.

00:14:30Am I forgetting any?

00:14:32No, that's all of them.

00:14:34So they diagnosed me with all of these things,

00:14:35got me on a bunch of meds, a bunch of meds.

00:14:39Because when I'm talking to psychiatrists and I said,

00:14:41oh, I see demons, I see them in my sleep,

00:14:44I see them in my house.

00:14:45When I talk to people, I see demons.

00:14:48They just drugged me up.

00:14:50And so now in seventh grade,

00:14:51I'm on like five or six different medications.

00:14:53I'm just like a walking zombie.

00:14:55And guess what?

00:14:56Nothing's helping.

00:14:58I'm going to therapy once a week.

00:14:59I'm on all this medication.

00:15:01And now more than ever,

00:15:02the suicidal thoughts have gotten to a whole new level.

00:15:06Like even the suicidal thoughts were quote unquote less

00:15:10before I even got on all this medication.

00:15:13So I'm on all this medication and I'm frustrated

00:15:17because I said, wow,

00:15:19isn't this medication supposed to help me?

00:15:20Isn't going to a therapist supposed to help me?

00:15:23What's wrong with me?

00:15:24Because I'm around all these kids

00:15:25that are just focused on sports and focused on their grades

00:15:30and focused on what they're going to do after school.

00:15:32And their life is so like normal.

00:15:35What is wrong with me?

00:15:38And so I went home one day in seventh grade

00:15:43and my dad was working late at work.

00:15:46I went into his medicine cabinet

00:15:48and I took over like 43 pills.

00:15:51I just downed them.

00:15:52And I wanted to end my life.

00:15:54This was my first suicide attempt.

00:15:56It was going to be my first out of three

00:15:58that I'm about to get into.

00:15:59And I remember at that moment,

00:16:02I genuinely just did not want to live.

00:16:05Like I didn't see the point in living.

00:16:08Like I was so tormented.

00:16:13I felt like I was drowning, but I could see the air,

00:16:16but I couldn't breathe in the air.

00:16:18And it just felt like nothing would stop, you know?

00:16:22And so I had my first suicide attempt.

00:16:26I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks

00:16:28and then they sent me to a place called Belmont Pines

00:16:33in Liberty, Ohio, which was a mental health asylum,

00:16:37like an insane asylum basically, right?

00:16:41But they label it as rehab.

00:16:43I went there and you would think that's a place

00:16:45where someone goes to get help.

00:16:46No, things got worse because now I'm in the room

00:16:49with people who have tried burning themselves alive.

00:16:51Now I'm in the room with people

00:16:53who literally like talk to the wall.

00:16:55And I remember just being in there feeling like

00:16:59whatever I'm going through, it's not this.

00:17:02It's not this.

00:17:03And they won't let you leave.

00:17:06You have to take even more medicine while you're there.

00:17:08They won't let you leave.

00:17:09And I just remember being in there being like,

00:17:12what is the point to life?

00:17:14Because this is not it.

00:17:17I got out of there.

00:17:18And two months after that,

00:17:21I had brought so much shame to my dad.

00:17:23Mind you, when I had my suicide attempt,

00:17:26the fire department came, the police came.

00:17:28Everybody came to our apartment where we lived small city.

00:17:31Word got around so fast, you know?

00:17:34About two months after my attempt, my dad had attempted.

00:17:38Yeah, out of shame, out of the shame and dishonor

00:17:41I brought to our household.

00:17:43Because if you know anything about a Muslim household,

00:17:46the reputation of that household is very sacred.

00:17:50You don't share what's going on outside this household.

00:17:53You keep everything buttoned up perfectly,

00:17:55all the I's dotted, all the T's crossed.

00:17:58And in front of people, you're very reserved.

00:18:01So for people to see this happen,

00:18:03obviously now the secret's out

00:18:06that something wrong is happening in this household

00:18:09that would even cause his daughter to try to kill herself.

00:18:12So about two months later, I'm at my friend's house.

00:18:15I'm spending the night.

00:18:16And I'm there for like three nights.

00:18:18It's like over a break or something.

00:18:21And my dad is just not calling on me or checking on me,

00:18:24which is like so rare,

00:18:25because he would call me constantly.

00:18:28And I knew that I knew, people will call it intuition,

00:18:32but I knew it was God.

00:18:33I knew something deep down in me

00:18:35was like something's not right with your father.

00:18:38So I went home and my friend and her mom,

00:18:43they were like, hey, we're gonna stay down here.

00:18:45We lived in an apartment.

00:18:46We're gonna stay downstairs.

00:18:47Just walk up to your house, walk in.

00:18:49If you see anything out the blue, just start screaming.

00:18:52We'll just come up.

00:18:54I said, okay.

00:18:55I walked into my house and everything's like slow-mo.

00:18:58I remember walking past the kitchen.

00:19:00There's like flies everywhere,

00:19:02food that hasn't been touched.

00:19:03And I'm like, what is going on?

00:19:06And as soon as I saw that, I knew something was off.

00:19:08I walk into his bedroom and he's sleeping.

00:19:14So I see that he's breathing and I yell at him.

00:19:17I'm like, why aren't you answering the phone?

00:19:19Like what, like what are you, what's happening?

00:19:21And he looks up at me, he gets out of bed

00:19:23and his face is like slurred.

00:19:26And I'm like, why is he talking like that?

00:19:29Like, why is like his face like that?

00:19:31And I go over to the side of his bed and I see the Quran

00:19:35and I see a napkin on top of it with pen.

00:19:38And it says, I'm so sorry I failed you.

00:19:41Love, Baba.

00:19:42And I start screaming.

00:19:44And then I realized these are empty pill bottles.

00:19:47This is the Quran.

00:19:48Like I realized what had happened.

00:19:50I scream, police come, ambulance comes.

00:19:52Like this is like three months apart.

00:19:55And so this was my seventh grade year

00:19:58in the midst of, you know, about to finish middle school,

00:20:02going to high school.

00:20:04Things just aren't getting better.

00:20:06My dad also went to the hospital for three weeks.

00:20:09And after that, you know, I was staying at my friend's house.

00:20:13My school is looking at my life, like what is going on?

00:20:16So I start talking to my local counselor at my school.

00:20:19I'm telling her kind of about just how my upbringing is.

00:20:22I'm thinking I can finally confide in somebody.

00:20:25And as I'm starting to confide in her,

00:20:28they are now looking at me like I'm just like demonized.

00:20:31Right?

00:20:32And it got to the point where they had told my principal

00:20:36that they think I'm in harm's way.

00:20:38And they want to like, you know,

00:20:40like look into foster care options.

00:20:43Like what are the options we could do

00:20:44to get her out of this home?

00:20:45And I felt so betrayed because I'm like, no,

00:20:48I don't have family here in America.

00:20:50My whole family's in Jordan.

00:20:51And you know, my whole, my family's not here.

00:20:53I don't want to go into foster care.

00:20:55But it was like, anyways,

00:20:58it was just, I feel like I couldn't trust anybody.

00:21:01Anyone I try to confide in, it always went left.

00:21:04So then things started to look up for me

00:21:08in the summer of seventh grade because I got a boyfriend.

00:21:10Now it's my first boyfriend.

00:21:13His name is Richie Murray.

00:21:15He was a very kind guy in the beginning.

00:21:20He had a very put together family.

00:21:22And as I would be around him and his family,

00:21:24you know, his mom, his dad, and everybody, his sister,

00:21:28I remember just seeing a love in that family

00:21:30that I obviously hadn't seen in my own family.

00:21:32And for the first time of having a boyfriend, I clung.

00:21:36I clung so hard to him.

00:21:37I'm like, okay, you know, I became very dependent.

00:21:39I didn't know God, so I just became very dependent.

00:21:42And now going into my eighth grade year,

00:21:44I thought this was my first love

00:21:46and I lost my virginity in eighth grade.

00:21:49Eighth grade, so young.

00:21:51I had just turned 14.

00:21:53I lost my virginity.

00:21:54And going into that, I didn't want to have sex,

00:22:00not because he forced me.

00:22:02He never forced me to have sex,

00:22:03but I didn't have like the, oh, you know,

00:22:06the sexual desire to have it.

00:22:08I just was like, oh, I'm dating somebody.

00:22:11What do people do when they date somebody?

00:22:12They have sex, you know,

00:22:14because I was like watching porn a lot in middle school.

00:22:17And I was like, okay, what you have to do

00:22:20to keep somebody around or to please somebody

00:22:22is you have to have sex with them.

00:22:25And so I didn't want to lose this person in my life.

00:22:28I was so scared for someone

00:22:29I finally loved to leave me again.

00:22:32So I said, okay, whatever it takes to keep them around,

00:22:34even if it's having sex, okay, I'll have sex.

00:22:37So I lost my virginity in eighth grade.

00:22:41And yeah, I dated him all throughout eighth grade

00:22:44in my freshman year.

00:22:45And obviously it ended, just wasn't working out.

00:22:48And in this time, my freshman year, I started high school.

00:22:53My dad has his second suicide attempt.

00:22:56The first three months of my freshman year were really hard.

00:23:00The first month, which is September,

00:23:02my uncle had got shot in the head and passed away.

00:23:06The second month, my grandpa, my dad's father had died.

00:23:09And the third month, he attempted suicide

00:23:11for the second time.

00:23:12I was staying with a friend yet again.

00:23:14And at this point, I'm not even like depressed or sad.

00:23:17I'm just very numb.

00:23:19So who I am in high school is not like some depressed girl,

00:23:21just very numb, numb to everything, just moving forward,

00:23:25kind of repressing everything that's happening,

00:23:27like taking it on the chin and just keep on going.

00:23:30Freshman year is when I started

00:23:32to have a lot more like friends,

00:23:34especially because when my dad had attempted suicide

00:23:37in like the third month of my freshman year,

00:23:38I was staying with a friend

00:23:39and that friend knew a lot of people.

00:23:42So we just started kind of going to parties during that time.

00:23:45My dad wasn't like really like as like strict.

00:23:48I mean, he couldn't be, you know,

00:23:50it's like everything you just put me through,

00:23:52he kind of just gave up

00:23:53on trying to raise me as a Muslim woman.

00:23:54He just was like, whatever, I'm just done.

00:23:57Do whatever you want to do.

00:23:59So I started going to parties.

00:24:01I started going to like college parties as like a freshman.

00:24:05And I remember I was like, wow, okay.

00:24:08Men are, you know, men are liking like how much older I look.

00:24:11You know, when I go drink, it's fun.

00:24:14People like want to take videos with me

00:24:16and like post me on Snapchat.

00:24:17So I'm starting to get attention.

00:24:19Around this time, you know, my life looking back at it

00:24:22was like starting to finally have the peak

00:24:25it had never had growing up.

00:24:26And I'm partying, I have all these friends,

00:24:29I'm not really getting bullied anymore.

00:24:30Surely partying,

00:24:32and this is the way to finally find happiness.

00:24:35So this is where the route of just the lust of like the world

00:24:40really entered my heart.

00:24:42Because now for the first time in my life,

00:24:43I'm seeing approval through just kind of like selling myself

00:24:47like in terms of like my body or showing off or whatever.

00:24:51So my sophomore year started

00:24:53and I was literally my reputation

00:24:55from going to like a nobody or like a weird girl,

00:24:58completely different reputation now.

00:25:00I'm known as a party girl.

00:25:01I'm known as the girl that you hit her up,

00:25:04you're going to have a fun time.

00:25:05Like everyone wants to be like,

00:25:06we're in Adina's because we're in Adina's,

00:25:09there's a party and I'm invited to all the college

00:25:12like fraternity parties.

00:25:14Everyone's just, you know, everyone likes being around me.

00:25:16I was the party girl.

00:25:18And so my identity was really formed in that.

00:25:22My sophomore year, I had gained all these friends,

00:25:27but I still wasn't like happy.

00:25:29I remember that so clearly,

00:25:30like even though I was partying,

00:25:31even though I was getting drunk, I was getting high,

00:25:34I still was like very like lonely

00:25:36and like numb to what I had been through.

00:25:38But I said, you know what?

00:25:40Maybe even now with the partying,

00:25:42even though my life's not better,

00:25:43so maybe I should just end it here.

00:25:47And my second suicide attempt happened in my sophomore year.

00:25:51And I remember this attempt

00:25:53wasn't like the one in seventh grade

00:25:55because I didn't actually want to die.

00:25:58I just wanted, I just didn't want to be here.

00:26:03I didn't want to die,

00:26:04but I didn't want to be alive, if that makes sense.

00:26:06Like my purpose in seventh grade was I want to die.

00:26:09I don't want to be here anymore.

00:26:10But sophomore year was kind of just like,

00:26:12I don't know, but I just don't,

00:26:15I don't want to be alive,

00:26:17I don't know what to do.

00:26:18I was very confused.

00:26:20So I had took some pills again.

00:26:23And this time I was back in the hospital,

00:26:26back at Belmont Pines.

00:26:28I got out and I went back home, no problem, cool.

00:26:33But this time something changed in my life.

00:26:37There was this girl named Maddie Renby, very kind girl.

00:26:40I didn't have a car, like I told you,

00:26:42my dad was very poor, we were very poor.

00:26:43She always took me home from my house all the way to school.

00:26:48She would always give me rides back and forth.

00:26:50And so we weren't really close,

00:26:51we didn't really talk much outside of her,

00:26:53just giving me rides, I'd give her some gas money.

00:26:57But the day that I went back to school

00:26:59after my suicide attempt,

00:27:01she's driving me home and she said,

00:27:03hey, I know you just left Belmont Pines and everything,

00:27:08my mom prays and she can pray for you.

00:27:11And those demons you're seeing,

00:27:14they can leave you alone.

00:27:16And I was like, what?

00:27:18I was like, okay.

00:27:20She's like, yeah, my mom's prayed for people

00:27:22and the depressions left them.

00:27:23I was like, oh, let's go right now.

00:27:26Mind you, in my mind, I don't know if she's a witch,

00:27:29a Catholic, a Muslim, I don't know what her mom is

00:27:32or what she prays to.

00:27:33But at this point, I don't care.

00:27:35If something's gonna make this feeling of hopelessness

00:27:38go away, I will take it.

00:27:40So we went to her house and we pulled up in her garage

00:27:43and she just told me, yeah, my mom,

00:27:44she's just gonna pray for you.

00:27:46I entered her kitchen.

00:27:49Like, you know how there's a garage

00:27:50and then there's like an entryway to the kitchen

00:27:51from the garage door?

00:27:53Went into the kitchen, I saw her mom.

00:27:55Her mom was praying in tongues.

00:27:58I don't know.

00:27:59At the time, I didn't know what praying in tongues was.

00:28:01But I see her praying in tongues and me,

00:28:03like 15, 16 years old, I attack her mom.

00:28:07Just attack her mom.

00:28:08Like, Nadine, naturally Nadine wouldn't do this.

00:28:11So I was like, what the heck?

00:28:11It's like, I couldn't control my body.

00:28:13I just started attacking her mom.

00:28:14Her mom sat me down.

00:28:16She put her hand on me and she just started praying

00:28:18and praying and praying.

00:28:19And I remember, it's like, I realized what was going on,

00:28:23but I couldn't stop my body.

00:28:24I was so angry and my fists were balled up

00:28:27and I was like gargling out my mouth

00:28:29and I was just like screaming.

00:28:31She calmed me down and she said, okay, like Nadine,

00:28:34I need you to listen to me.

00:28:35And she told me about the gospel.

00:28:38She said, Jesus Christ is real.

00:28:40Jesus is the only way to heaven.

00:28:43She goes, what's happening right now

00:28:44is that you have demons inside of you

00:28:46and they're very angry that they're around me right now.

00:28:49She said, those demons are manifesting.

00:28:52She said, those demons, they can be in your life

00:28:55because you don't have Jesus.

00:28:56You don't have Jesus.

00:28:57You need to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior

00:28:59and those things will leave you.

00:29:01I said, okay.

00:29:02So I was always very open to the gospel,

00:29:04even though I didn't fully understand it.

00:29:06Because the Bible says that no one can say Christ is Lord

00:29:08unless it's by the Holy Spirit.

00:29:11Even there, in my sophomore year, I was like, okay, open.

00:29:13So I said the prayer of salvation.

00:29:15Sorry.

00:29:16And Nadine, before that, no, no, you're fine.

00:29:18Before that, had you heard about Jesus at all?

00:29:21I had heard about Jesus maybe a couple times

00:29:26in middle school.

00:29:27There was this girl, Jenny Smith, very, very kind girl.

00:29:30She told me one time,

00:29:32I think it was in sixth grade in my language arts class.

00:29:35She told me, you don't need Allah, you need Jesus.

00:29:38Word for word, sixth grade language arts class.

00:29:41And I was like, dang, that's kind of...

00:29:44But I didn't go against her.

00:29:46I was like, hmm.

00:29:49God literally said sixth grade.

00:29:50I mean, how crazy is it?

00:29:52But I remember she said that to me.

00:29:54I was like, why would she just say that out of nowhere?

00:29:56I'm not close with her.

00:29:57She was one of the popular girls.

00:29:58So I thought that was so weird

00:29:59that she would say that to me.

00:30:01And then there was another lady where my dad was kind of...

00:30:06He kind of liked her,

00:30:07but he didn't pursue anything with her

00:30:08because she was a Christian, but he liked her.

00:30:11But my dad would let me have sleepovers at her house.

00:30:14And she was...

00:30:15Every time I'd be at her house,

00:30:16she'd always have like Joel Osteen

00:30:17or something in the background.

00:30:19And she'd always tell me about Jesus very briefly,

00:30:22but I didn't understand.

00:30:24It was very Christianese words.

00:30:26I didn't understand,

00:30:28but I never resented the gospel or rejected it.

00:30:34I just knew that Jesus was a prophet

00:30:36because I grew up Muslim.

00:30:37So I'm not seeing Jesus as God.

00:30:39I like am grateful for him.

00:30:41I receive him as a prophet.

00:30:43So even in that moment

00:30:44where I'm praying the prayer of salvation,

00:30:46I'm still like showing my respect to Jesus,

00:30:49but still in my heart,

00:30:50I didn't really believe that he was God.

00:30:53Because I still had that very much stronghold

00:30:54like Jesus is a prophet.

00:30:56He's great, but he's not God.

00:30:59How could he be the son of God?

00:31:00How could he be God?

00:31:01I didn't understand.

00:31:03But I prayed that prayer with her in faith.

00:31:05I prayed that prayer.

00:31:07And I remember she took me through something

00:31:11called like repenting.

00:31:13And at the time, I didn't know what repentance was,

00:31:15but we started going through like the line of my sins,

00:31:17how I had lost my virginity, my partying and everything.

00:31:21And then we went out into the garage and she sat me down.

00:31:24And at the time I had something called a hamsa

00:31:27with an evil eye as my necklace.

00:31:30For over 11 years, I wore this necklace.

00:31:32I would not take it off

00:31:34because I believed that that's what would protect me,

00:31:36the evil eye.

00:31:37And she looked at my necklace.

00:31:38She goes, what is this?

00:31:39She goes, take this off.

00:31:41She goes, take this off.

00:31:43And I took it off.

00:31:45And when I took it off, I went crazy.

00:31:48Like I started screaming like bloody murder.

00:31:51I started puking, like blood came up all the way

00:31:55to like where like my actual even eye color was.

00:31:58And for three and a half hours,

00:32:00I went through like a deep, deep deliverance.

00:32:02I didn't know it was deliverance at the time.

00:32:03I didn't know what was happening really at the time,

00:32:05but I went through a deep deliverance.

00:32:07And I remember when all was said and done,

00:32:10she took me through forgiving people, forgiving my father.

00:32:13When I had left that day,

00:32:16I felt, this is the way I would explain it.

00:32:18I felt like, you know how when you're a kid

00:32:21and you're out on the playground

00:32:23and you're not thinking about like anything,

00:32:25but just the fact that you're playing tag

00:32:27with your friends on the playground?

00:32:29That's literally how my mind felt after my deliverance.

00:32:31I just felt like I was floating.

00:32:34I felt like, I felt the freest I had ever felt

00:32:37in my entire life, ever.

00:32:40But I didn't really like, I wasn't going to church still.

00:32:45So I just went right back in my old ways.

00:32:47I didn't know what it was to obviously

00:32:50start reading my Bible

00:32:51and that wasn't really followed up with me.

00:32:53And so because of that,

00:32:54even though I just experienced this freedom and healing,

00:32:58I didn't know that I needed to even maintain it.

00:33:00So literally the next week I go back out partying.

00:33:04And so that, you know, I keep partying

00:33:07and now my sophomore year is over.

00:33:09It's my junior year.

00:33:10And I remember during my time of my junior year,

00:33:15I was like, you know what?

00:33:17Well, nothing's working.

00:33:18Ohio, I hate Ohio.

00:33:20Everything about it here just sucks.

00:33:22I grew up here.

00:33:23Things aren't getting better here.

00:33:25Maybe if I just move, maybe if I move,

00:33:27that's when everything will literally get better.

00:33:29So now I'm just starting to look externally.

00:33:32I talked to my dad.

00:33:33I said, you know, can I go live with my mom in Dubai?

00:33:36My mom at the time had moved from Jordan

00:33:38and now is living in Dubai.

00:33:40He was like, no, you know, about 17 now.

00:33:43So I'm not like a little girl that could just be kidnapped.

00:33:45So he's like, if you want to go live

00:33:46with your mom in Dubai, go ahead, you know?

00:33:48So he wasn't opposed to it just when I was a little girl.

00:33:52So I talked to my mom.

00:33:53I said, hey, you know, haven't lived with you

00:33:55since I was five and was stolen from you,

00:33:57but can I come live with you?

00:34:00Now she's married, she has two kids,

00:34:02my brother, Saif and Sanad.

00:34:03I love them so much.

00:34:05And I went over there and I live with her.

00:34:08So now it's my senior year of high school in Dubai.

00:34:12Like, what?

00:34:13I went from being so broke, living in Ohio,

00:34:16having no money, and now I have a maid.

00:34:18Now I have a chef.

00:34:19Now I have, you know, I'm in Rolls Royces.

00:34:22I'm in like Maybachs.

00:34:23I'm in everything, right?

00:34:25So my life literally just did like a whole 180.

00:34:28I have now everything I've ever wanted.

00:34:30I can go shopping.

00:34:31I don't have to, you know, steal.

00:34:33I was stealing clothes from people

00:34:34when I was living in Ohio

00:34:35because I didn't have any money.

00:34:36I don't have to steal clothes anymore.

00:34:38And I was like, surely this is it, you know?

00:34:40And now in high school in Dubai,

00:34:42no one's making fun of me.

00:34:44Everyone likes me, you know?

00:34:45I don't have the history of what I had in Ohio.

00:34:47So I said, well, okay.

00:34:50At the time, you know, my mom would always

00:34:51play the Quran in the house and everything.

00:34:53And so I started thinking, well, you know,

00:34:57I always felt like I was connected to something higher.

00:35:00I resented Allah,

00:35:01but I just knew that something was out there.

00:35:03I never questioned if something was out there.

00:35:05Like I was never just an atheist,

00:35:06but I was more agnostic at the time.

00:35:08And so around my senior year of still partying

00:35:12and all these different things, living in Dubai,

00:35:14I started really like getting deep into astrology

00:35:17at this time,

00:35:18because I was just like, why do we act the way we act?

00:35:21Like, is there some like driving force?

00:35:23What is it?

00:35:24I was getting very deep into philosophy,

00:35:26reading up books on philosophy.

00:35:28Also around this time, you know,

00:35:29I'm like using crystals and all this different stuff,

00:35:32kind of just kind of searching for something.

00:35:35So I graduated high school in Dubai,

00:35:37and I just knew that I wanted to go to college.

00:35:39I didn't want to stay in Dubai.

00:35:41All my friends were like leaving,

00:35:42going to different states, different countries.

00:35:44And so I came to Georgia in 2018 to go to college

00:35:49at Georgia Gwinnett College.

00:35:50And so upon coming back to the States,

00:35:53my reputation, like I said, of the party girl still stands.

00:35:57I have my own car.

00:35:58I have a job now.

00:35:59And now more than ever,

00:36:00my spirituality is at a whole new level, right?

00:36:04Like at this point, I'm going to the Hindu temple.

00:36:07I fly out to Thailand to meet with a monk.

00:36:10I do a whole ritual.

00:36:11I'm like trying to get like really like initiated

00:36:14into this stuff.

00:36:14I am doing like manifestation, tarot cards.

00:36:19I go to Toronto to meet with a psychic.

00:36:22So like now at this point,

00:36:24I am like off the deep end with like the new age stuff.

00:36:27And I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested.

00:36:32I was so interested because all these questions

00:36:35I had about my existence and why I was seeing those demons

00:36:38when I was a little girl and all these different things,

00:36:41it's like, it was giving a sort of answer I was looking for.

00:36:45My entire life, I'm looking for an answer.

00:36:46Why?

00:36:47Why is my dad treating me like this?

00:36:49Why do I feel like this?

00:36:50And now for the first time,

00:36:52I have something that kind of affirms

00:36:54what I'm feeling in the spiritual realm,

00:36:57but obviously it's not giving me any solution.

00:36:59It's just affirming what I'm feeling, right?

00:37:02So I was very heavy into new age

00:37:05and freshman year passes of college,

00:37:08sophomore year comes.

00:37:11And I said, you know what?

00:37:13I have had such a fun time here in Atlanta partying.

00:37:16I know all the promoters.

00:37:18You know, I'm like, you know,

00:37:19at this point I'm, you know, sleeping with men.

00:37:22I, you know, am playing house with this one guy,

00:37:25you know, unhealthy relationship.

00:37:27I'm also living a homosexual lifestyle

00:37:28in the midst of all this

00:37:29because I just didn't care, right?

00:37:32And I was also a lot more comfortable with women

00:37:35because of, you know,

00:37:36what had happened to me and everything.

00:37:37I was like, oh, you know what?

00:37:39Like, you know, maybe I want to start experimenting

00:37:41a little bit more, you know?

00:37:42So I started, you know,

00:37:44kind of having some relations with women at the time.

00:37:46And I was just what you call a free spirit.

00:37:49Men, women, drugs, alcohol, whatever.

00:37:52Oh, abortion, fine.

00:37:54Everyone does their own thing.

00:37:55Do whatever you want to do.

00:37:56Like, love yourself.

00:37:57Do it like very like just feminist, very free spirited.

00:38:00As I made my way up in Atlanta nightlife,

00:38:03I started having connections.

00:38:05I was at like NBA players' houses partying.

00:38:08I was at like, just like, you know,

00:38:10in like music video shoots.

00:38:12You know, I had rappers in my DMs,

00:38:13NFL players in my DMs.

00:38:15Like, okay, so now I know what I need to do.

00:38:19I know why I'm still sad.

00:38:20It's because even when I was in Dubai,

00:38:23it was my parents' money.

00:38:24It wasn't my own money.

00:38:26So now I know what I need.

00:38:28I know this, my last piece to be happy finally

00:38:32is to have money.

00:38:34That was my mindset at the time.

00:38:36So let me take advantage of all my connections

00:38:39and let me actually start working at the club

00:38:42instead of just going to the club.

00:38:46January of 2021, I sat in front of my mirror

00:38:48and I held out incense.

00:38:51I had my crystals and I looked in the mirror

00:38:54and I was praying to God,

00:38:57but obviously manifesting at the same time,

00:38:59a lot of mixture.

00:39:01And I said, I'm going to get the job at the club.

00:39:03I'm going to get the job at the club.

00:39:04At the time I was working at McDonald's.

00:39:06So I was like, I'm going to get the job at the club.

00:39:07I'm going to make over six figures this year,

00:39:09all these different things.

00:39:11I got the job at the club the next week, January of 2021.

00:39:16And I started making over 10K a month in cash,

00:39:20just being like bottle service, not even like stripping,

00:39:23just bottle service.

00:39:25And I was making more money than I knew what to do with.

00:39:29I was 21 years old.

00:39:31I bought my dream car.

00:39:33I bought my dream apartment.

00:39:35I'm going through drive-thrus tipping a hundred dollars

00:39:37just cause I can, just cause I have the money to do so.

00:39:41But let me tell you something about that lifestyle.

00:39:44They don't, like the devil never dresses something up

00:39:46as what the end result is.

00:39:48It's just always what it looks good as.

00:39:51So I'm seeing, oh, a job at the club.

00:39:53I'll make more connections.

00:39:55I'll make some good money.

00:39:57But no, I literally like,

00:40:00you literally have to like sell your soul

00:40:02to work at the club

00:40:03because you are at the mercy

00:40:06of like whoever the owner of the club is.

00:40:08You're just at the mercy of him.

00:40:10At this time, the owner was married,

00:40:12married, had children, everything.

00:40:14I'm flirting with him.

00:40:15I'm entertaining him and I'm getting,

00:40:18I don't care that he's married.

00:40:19Cause like I said, I didn't have like a moral standard.

00:40:21I didn't care.

00:40:23At this time, he's giving me the best sections in the club.

00:40:26Like the VIP sections where people spend

00:40:28like over a thousand per table, minimum.

00:40:30Minimum is a thousand per table.

00:40:32I started getting the best sections.

00:40:33The girls in the club are like hating on me.

00:40:35But now the only way to go up

00:40:37with getting some of these bigger clients

00:40:39is to like sleep with them.

00:40:41And I just remember I would go and manifest and pray

00:40:43because I'd never felt comfortable sleeping

00:40:45with like these older men.

00:40:47But I said, you know what?

00:40:48I'm going to get their sections

00:40:50without sleeping with them.

00:40:51And then guess what?

00:40:52I would get the sections without sleeping with the men.

00:40:54So I was like, surely the manifesting is working.

00:40:56Like, you know, like the spirituality,

00:40:58the stuff I'm doing, it's working

00:40:59because it's bringing results.

00:41:01But I was miserable still.

00:41:05And that was like the point of like deep, deep frustration.

00:41:09So I'm like, what is going on?

00:41:11Like May, 2021 months have passed.

00:41:13And at this point I have probably in those six months

00:41:17made well over maybe anywhere between 90 to 100K

00:41:21because even what I was making was even just cash,

00:41:25cash, cash, cash, cash.

00:41:27I had everything I wanted, car, apartment, everything paid.

00:41:32And I served this one guy.

00:41:33He's our biggest, biggest spender in the club.

00:41:36He said, I was manifesting that I, you know, get him.

00:41:39He said, I want Nadine to serve me tonight.

00:41:42So I said, okay, May, 2021.

00:41:44I served him.

00:41:46And that night that I served him,

00:41:47I made the most money I ever made in one night.

00:41:49A couple of thousand dollars in a couple of hours,

00:41:52just a couple of hours, maybe three hours, couple of mans.

00:41:55And I was like, wow.

00:41:58I went home, I got in my car that night

00:42:00and in my dream car I'm driving home and I start crying.

00:42:04I start weeping, weeping, weeping.

00:42:06Weeping to the point I can't even see the road, I'm weeping.

00:42:09I get upstairs and I do my nightly ritual,

00:42:12my nightly routine.

00:42:13I count my money, put the hundreds, put the 20s.

00:42:16I realized I made a couple of thousand dollars

00:42:19and I start crying again.

00:42:21And I was like, what is going on?

00:42:26That was my turning to Jesus moment.

00:42:31I had the men, the woman, drugs, alcohol.

00:42:35I had the connections.

00:42:37I lived in Dubai, the richest city in the world.

00:42:40I grew up poor in Ohio.

00:42:42All these things, all these things.

00:42:44I could take a trip to Greece first class tomorrow

00:42:47if I wanted to, no problem.

00:42:48I could pay off someone's debt, no problem.

00:42:50Everything I wanted since I was a little girl I had.

00:42:54All the goals I'd set for myself since I was a little girl.

00:42:56I had my dream car, dream apartment, everything.

00:42:58Everything I wanted, I finally had.

00:43:02What do you do when you get everything you want

00:43:05and it's not enough?

00:43:06What do you do then?

00:43:08Because it makes sense when you're getting abused,

00:43:11when you're getting bullied to be depressed.

00:43:12That makes sense.

00:43:14Oh, it makes sense for me to have gone through

00:43:16all I went through to be depressed.

00:43:19But then what do you do when your whole life's different?

00:43:22What do you do when your life is better?

00:43:24I'm on honors roll, I'm on Dean's list,

00:43:27full scholarship at my school.

00:43:28From the outside looking in,

00:43:30everything literally looks perfect.

00:43:33On Instagram, I look lit.

00:43:35Everything in my life is what people would dream about.

00:43:40And I'm more miserable than I had ever been

00:43:43in my entire life.

00:43:46And in that moment, on the floor of my room,

00:43:49I started crying and I called out to God.

00:43:52I said, who are you?

00:43:55Who are you?

00:43:56Are you Krishna?

00:43:57Are you Buddha?

00:43:58Are you Muhammad?

00:43:59Are you Allah?

00:44:00Are you the universe?

00:44:01I was so angry.

00:44:02I was like, who are you?

00:44:03Like, who are you?

00:44:05Why would you allow all this stuff to happen to me?

00:44:08I was so angry.

00:44:09I thought that God put all this stuff on me.

00:44:11I said, who are you?

00:44:13Why would this happen to me?

00:44:16I was so angry.

00:44:17Like, I wasn't even like sad at that point.

00:44:19I was angry.

00:44:21Because what do you do when you have it all

00:44:24and you're still lonely?

00:44:26What do you do when you have it all

00:44:27and you're still suicidal?

00:44:31And at that moment,

00:44:34I just knew that I knew I had just failed in life.

00:44:39I had failed like as a human being.

00:44:40And I said, okay,

00:44:42this is gonna be my last suicide attempt.

00:44:45I'm such a failure.

00:44:46I failed on my last past two suicide attempts.

00:44:48I'm not gonna fail at this third one.

00:44:50I'm gonna jump off a building and I'm gonna end my life.

00:44:54I'm done.

00:44:55I texted the owner of the club.

00:44:57I said, I'm gonna take a week off work.

00:45:00I'll let you know if I'll be back.

00:45:03And he said, okay,

00:45:04if you don't come back, you don't have a job.

00:45:06And let me tell you how demonic the club life is.

00:45:10You start working there

00:45:11and you start buying all these things

00:45:14to the point where you cannot sustain that lifestyle

00:45:18unless you're working at the club.

00:45:20It literally makes you bound.

00:45:23It's like having a chain on you.

00:45:25Because now I wanna leave the club,

00:45:27but now I'm like, well, if I leave, what about my carno?

00:45:30What about my rent?

00:45:31What about this lifestyle?

00:45:33I literally have to work 90 hour work weeks

00:45:35to make half of what I was making in a couple hours.

00:45:40So I just knew.

00:45:41I knew there was no way out the club

00:45:43or any other job I could get.

00:45:44I hadn't finished my school yet.

00:45:45I was like, surely just the only way, just I'm done.

00:45:49I've seen what the world has to offer.

00:45:50I've literally seen it all.

00:45:52And I'm just done.

00:45:53I'm done.

00:45:55So I got my, everything, all my affairs in order.

00:45:59My house, everything.

00:46:01And I was like, my notes,

00:46:04for whoever was gonna find them.

00:46:07Okay.

00:46:08Told the owner, take a week.

00:46:11And in that week,

00:46:13I planned to go and jump off a building

00:46:15in Alpharetta, Georgia and end my life.

00:46:18The day before, my friend texted me

00:46:22and we weren't like super close.

00:46:24I was very busy with work.

00:46:26He was busy.

00:46:27But my friend at the time was a drug dealer, right?

00:46:31Selling drugs.

00:46:32He texts me.

00:46:33He's like, hey, Ney.

00:46:34What are you doing tonight?

00:46:35I said, nothing.

00:46:36Mind you, nobody knows I wanna end my life

00:46:38because everyone thinks I'm lit.

00:46:40Everyone thinks I'm good.

00:46:41Nobody knows I'm literally dying on the inside.

00:46:44He goes, hey, you should come to church tonight.

00:46:46I was like, you go to church, bro?

00:46:48I'm like, you literally selling, but hey, you know?

00:46:51I'm not judging.

00:46:51I was just shocked that he invited me to church

00:46:53because every time he texts me,

00:46:55it's always something crazy, right?

00:46:57But he literally sells drugs.

00:46:59So I was just like, oh, okay.

00:47:00I laughed because I was like, bro.

00:47:02I literally messaged him back.

00:47:03I was like, you go to church, bro?

00:47:05And so, yeah, he was like, bro.

00:47:07He's like, I've been getting hip with God.

00:47:10That's the only what he said.

00:47:10I've been getting hip with God.

00:47:12He's like, you just gotta pull up.

00:47:13And I was like, bro, okay.

00:47:15Mind you, I wasn't like, I had nothing against the church.

00:47:19So I said, okay.

00:47:20I literally had nothing to lose.

00:47:22I plan to end my life the next day.

00:47:23It's fine.

00:47:25Just pull up.

00:47:27And so on my way over there, he texts me

00:47:29and he's like, I can't come tonight.

00:47:31Got held up.

00:47:32I'm like, it's okay.

00:47:34Cause I was already so outgoing,

00:47:35just working in the club and everything.

00:47:37I don't mind showing up somewhere alone.

00:47:39It doesn't bother me.

00:47:40So I walk into the church and I'm like,

00:47:42it's a big church, big church.

00:47:44I walk in and people are all smiling at me.

00:47:48I'm like, this is weird.

00:47:50Why is everyone smiling?

00:47:51Like, it's kind of weird, you know?

00:47:53Cause in the club, people don't smile at you.

00:47:55Everyone's, you know, throwing money.

00:47:58You know, you're not, no one's really smiling, right?

00:48:01So I was like, okay, this is weird.

00:48:04And so everyone's smiling at me.

00:48:06This girl comes up to me and she's like, hey.

00:48:09I'm like, hi.

00:48:10You know, very standoffish coming out the club life.

00:48:12Like, you know, especially in the club life, it's very,

00:48:15you don't want to come off as too friendly.

00:48:16People will rob you.

00:48:17People will take advantage of your friendliness,

00:48:19especially knowing how much money I always had on me.

00:48:22You have to be very, very defensive.

00:48:26So I'm talking to her and I'm telling her,

00:48:27mind you, I don't know that like, I'm even living in sin.

00:48:31I don't really care.

00:48:32So I'm not, the great thing is about me coming to the church,

00:48:35I'm not thinking I'm in sin.

00:48:36I can't tell them what's going on in my life.

00:48:38I'm just talking to her.

00:48:39I'm like, yeah, I'm working in the club right now.

00:48:41And she's like, oh, where?

00:48:42So I tell her where.

00:48:43She's like, oh, do you know this, this, and this?

00:48:46And I'm like, yeah, how do you know them?

00:48:47Cause I'm like, she's in a church.

00:48:49She's like, I used to work at the club.

00:48:51So it's crazy.

00:48:52Like the first interaction I'm having with someone at church

00:48:54is like this girl that used to work at the club.

00:48:57So I'm like, what?

00:48:58Like that's, I'm like,

00:48:59so you know this person and this person?

00:49:00And she's like, yeah, but you know,

00:49:01I don't do that anymore.

00:49:03I was like, so now God's speaking to me

00:49:05because I'm seeing an example of somebody

00:49:08who used to work in those environments

00:49:09that's like not working in them anymore.

00:49:12It's like very weird to leave that environment

00:49:14and just not go back to it.

00:49:15Cause it's like, why would you?

00:49:16You have everything.

00:49:18I talked to her, then service starts.

00:49:20And when service started,

00:49:23the pastor is talking about like our image, right?

00:49:27Like our image on social media, our image,

00:49:30like what people are seeing us as.

00:49:32And he literally says these exact words.

00:49:35I have it on recording.

00:49:36He goes, yeah, you look lit on Instagram,

00:49:38but like, what is it doing for people?

00:49:40Like, what is your Instagram really doing for people?

00:49:43Like, is it leading people back to Jesus?

00:49:46And I was like, that's so crazy

00:49:47because my whole thing is everyone thinks I'm happy

00:49:51and I'm literally dying.

00:49:53So he puts a scripture up and the scripture,

00:49:55mind you, never read the Bible,

00:49:56didn't grow up in Sunday school.

00:49:57I don't know who Moses, I don't know who these people are.

00:50:00I don't know that there's 66 books in the Bible.

00:50:02I don't know anything, right?

00:50:04I just know he puts something up on the screen

00:50:07and it says, what good is it for a man to gain the world,

00:50:13but to lose his soul?

00:50:15And I was like, I remember in that moment,

00:50:21like, I didn't even know this was like the word of God.

00:50:24This is scripture.

00:50:25I'm just like, yo, did someone, who wrote that?

00:50:28That is exactly what I'm feeling.

00:50:30So it's like all the books I was reading,

00:50:34all the New Age, everything,

00:50:35I would read like good principles about life.

00:50:38And I'm like, but this, this was different.

00:50:41I was like, that's good.

00:50:43That's exactly what I feel.

00:50:44I feel like I'm losing myself

00:50:45even though I'm gaining everything.

00:50:47I went up at the end for prayer.

00:50:49I went up at the end for prayer.

00:50:50I was crying, weeping and people prayed for me.

00:50:53And I, this is different than the girl

00:50:55I originally spoke to.

00:50:56I don't know these people, they don't know me.

00:50:59And they're praying for me

00:51:00and they know things about my life.

00:51:02How do they know?

00:51:04Even when I went to the psychic in Toronto,

00:51:06she didn't know details how these people

00:51:08that are praying for me know details.

00:51:10So I was like, what?

00:51:12This is crazy.

00:51:13Like, how do you know?

00:51:14And they were like, it's God.

00:51:15Like, God sees you.

00:51:16Like, He wants a relationship with you.

00:51:18So I remember I left that day and I was like, okay.

00:51:21Mind you, when I was a New Age,

00:51:23I always wanted to learn more about it.

00:51:24So I'd always buy books, buy the audio books,

00:51:28the eBooks, whatever, always learning more and more.

00:51:30So in, just using my common sense,

00:51:32what do Christians read?

00:51:33The Bible.

00:51:34So, you know, no one tells me download the Bible.

00:51:37No one tells me stop working in the club.

00:51:39No one tells me anything.

00:51:41I'm just like, what do Christians do?

00:51:42They read the Bible.

00:51:43So I wanted to learn more about what I just felt

00:51:45because what I just felt, now I know is the Prince of God,

00:51:48but at the time I didn't know.

00:51:49At the time, I just felt something so warm around me

00:51:52while he was preaching.

00:51:53I felt the word of God really enter in my heart.

00:51:56It just did something.

00:51:58I knew that, I knew that I knew that I knew

00:52:00that that moment in church was different

00:52:02than when I went to Thailand to meet with a monk.

00:52:04I knew it was different than sitting with a psychic.

00:52:06I knew it was different than praying the Muslim,

00:52:09the Islam prayer.

00:52:10I knew that what I experienced was so different

00:52:14than anything else.

00:52:15So I wanna learn more about it.

00:52:17I downloaded the Bible app.

00:52:19I don't know what the New and Old Testament is.

00:52:21I don't know anything.

00:52:22I just know, well, I don't understand this.

00:52:25So I typed in, how do I read Bible for dummies?

00:52:29And it was like ERV, the easy to read version.

00:52:31I said, okay, that's talking my language.

00:52:33So I clicked the ERV on the YouVersion Bible app.

00:52:36I was like, oh, I understand.

00:52:38This is very good.

00:52:40And I started reading about how wide, how long,

00:52:44how high and how deep God's love is for us.

00:52:48I was like, what?

00:52:52What?

00:52:54And I was just shocked.

00:52:56Why does God love me?

00:52:58I didn't understand.

00:53:00It's very different than Islam.

00:53:01You're not talking about how God loves you

00:53:03and the love of God.

00:53:04It's always make sure you pray.

00:53:05Make sure you don't sin.

00:53:08This is wrong.

00:53:09This is wrong.

00:53:10You make sure you're covered.

00:53:11Make sure, make sure, make sure.

00:53:12But now I'm reading about how God loves me

00:53:14and how wide and how deep and how high, why?

00:53:16And I was just like, this is good.

00:53:18And so I kept reading more.

00:53:20And I remember that night,

00:53:21I think I stayed up like five, six hours

00:53:23just like reading the Bible.

00:53:25I was like, this is so crazy.

00:53:27Like what, this is crazy.

00:53:29And so I just remember my heart

00:53:32for the first time just felt like at peace.

00:53:36And so the next day, I didn't jump off the building,

00:53:40but I was still very, I'm not confused.

00:53:44I was still very hesitant because I said,

00:53:46okay, I'm reading this and this all sounds good.

00:53:48And I just experienced this at the church,

00:53:51but Jesus, are you really God?

00:53:53Because if you are, my family's gonna disown me.

00:53:57Like if you are, like this is gonna cost a lot if you are.

00:54:03And I said, I need you to make it real to me.

00:54:06Like I need to know that I know that you are God.

00:54:11And let me tell you how twisted the religion of Islam is.

00:54:17The number one sin in their religion is called shirk, shirk.

00:54:23And that is the number one sin.

00:54:24It's that there's the belief

00:54:25that there's more than one God,

00:54:28which obviously in Christianity, there's only one God.

00:54:31But the way Muslim people look at Christianity

00:54:33is that it's a polytheistic religion

00:54:36that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are three different,

00:54:38there's three gods, they think it's three gods.

00:54:41So I was like, in my mind, I was like,

00:54:44if Jesus is God, I'm committing shirk right now.

00:54:51Like in Islam, I'm committing the biggest unforgivable sin

00:54:55if I believe that Jesus is God,

00:54:57because that's the belief that now I believe that there's God

00:55:00now that I believe there's another God.

00:55:02And so I was like very scared.

00:55:04So I was like, well, obviously,

00:55:05I didn't really like Islam growing up,

00:55:07but that's all I knew.

00:55:08So I didn't wanna have the unforgivable sin on me.

00:55:12But I also knew if Jesus really is,

00:55:16my family will look at me

00:55:17like I had just committed the unforgivable sin

00:55:19and was about to bring shame on my entire family.

00:55:24So the next week I went back to church

00:55:27and I started reading my Bible more and more.

00:55:31And it wasn't like some audible voice,

00:55:34but as I was reading the Bible, I knew, I just knew.

00:55:39I just knew that I knew that I knew that Jesus is God.

00:55:43I can't explain it.

00:55:45Now I can with all that I know now, right?

00:55:48The theology of it all and you know,

00:55:50but at the time I just knew that I knew

00:55:52that he's not a prophet.

00:55:54Cause I was reading about the miracles he was doing.

00:55:56And I was like, I never saw miracles in Islam.

00:55:58I'm reading about the way he heals people.

00:56:00And I'm like, no, this can't just be another prophet.

00:56:04Cause even Muhammad wasn't doing what he's doing.

00:56:06So I just knew that he was, I knew he was God.

00:56:08And so now it's June of 2021.

00:56:12And I'm like, okay,

00:56:14I'm not gonna tell my family just yet.

00:56:17I quit the club, never went back to the club.

00:56:19And now that I'm reading my word more,

00:56:22guess what starts happening?

00:56:23And as I'm going to church more,

00:56:24no one tells me leave the club,

00:56:26stop listening to this music, stop.

00:56:28I would listen to my rap music in the car,

00:56:30my Polo G, Lil Durk, you know what I'm saying?

00:56:32Like my 42 Doug vibing.

00:56:34And I, my ears started being bothered.

00:56:38I'm like, why?

00:56:40So then I started to stop listening to secular music.

00:56:43And then I would put on my crop top and my,

00:56:46and I'm like, hmm, I feel like I shouldn't wear this.

00:56:49No one's telling me to stop.

00:56:50I start feeling conviction.

00:56:52I don't know what conviction is at the time.

00:56:53I'm just like, what's wrong?

00:56:54Am I crazy?

00:56:55Like, why do I not like the things I used to love?

00:56:58It's just strictly the Bible.

00:57:00The Bible's literally convicting me,

00:57:02but it's bringing healing to me.

00:57:04And so then as all this is going,

00:57:06the way I start dressing starts to change.

00:57:09The way, the way I start,

00:57:10I stopped listening to secular music.

00:57:12Now I'm trying to search up music, music about Jesus.

00:57:15I don't know what's called worship or gospel.

00:57:16I'm still so new to this, music about Jesus.

00:57:19And now I'm listening and I'm in the car

00:57:20playing gospel music and God is transforming me

00:57:23in this process.

00:57:26And in this process,

00:57:28there was this one girl that I was working with.

00:57:30I ended up getting a job just at like a taqueria.

00:57:32And there's this girl I'm working with.

00:57:34I naturally thought she was cute.

00:57:36I start talking to her

00:57:38and then the Lord starts convicting me

00:57:40and even like making me realize

00:57:42like the desires even for a woman are not godly.

00:57:45And I was like, whoa, like really?

00:57:48Like, I didn't know, I didn't know, you know?

00:57:51And so even at this point, like God's literally,

00:57:54within three months,

00:57:56God is completely renewing my mind

00:58:00from how I view homosexuality,

00:58:02how I view sex before marriage, secular music, drinking.

00:58:06June 17th, 2021 was my last time getting drunk.

00:58:10I'm like over three and a half years sober

00:58:12from all alcohol, nicotine, drugs, everything.

00:58:16And even around that time,

00:58:17I was very addicted to my Juul, right?

00:58:20Like my nicotine little thing.

00:58:22And I remember I was like a fiend for it.

00:58:24Like before I even had a sip of water,

00:58:25I'd always hit my Juul in the morning.

00:58:28And I remember one, I prayed

00:58:30and I was starting to pray more.

00:58:31And I said, please, like, I don't wanna do this anymore.

00:58:34The very next day, all in these three months,

00:58:37I went to hit it and the taste just, it was disgusting.

00:58:42I said, I'm done with this.

00:58:43No withdrawal symptoms from anything.

00:58:46No withdrawal symptoms from the nicotine

00:58:48I've been smoking for over six years.

00:58:49Supernaturally, God did a work in me.

00:58:53People say, well, you know, things don't happen overnight.

00:58:56And sometimes they don't, sometimes it's a process,

00:58:58but do not deny what God can do overnight

00:59:01because overnight he literally took the taste

00:59:03of something I had been addicted to for years.

00:59:06But the amazing thing about it all is

00:59:09I wasn't trying to stop anything.

00:59:11I was just starting my relationship with God

00:59:13and the rest just naturally, supernaturally stopped.

00:59:16And so August 15th, two days after my birthday,

00:59:20I was like, oh, I wanna get baptized.

00:59:22You know, that's what people do.

00:59:23I was like, I wanna get baptized.

00:59:25I want the whole world to know I'm following Jesus

00:59:27because he's literally changing my life.

00:59:30And so I got baptized and my life was just kind of so good.

00:59:35Like that exact day, a year before in 2020,

00:59:39I was at the strip club celebrating my birthday months,

00:59:41you know, and now I'm getting baptized.

00:59:44I remember in front of my whole church,

00:59:46I said, my name is Nadine

00:59:47and I declared Jesus as the Lord and Savior of my life.

00:59:50In front of this huge congregation, I went in the water,

00:59:53I came out and I just, my life was just getting better.

00:59:58I didn't miss the club.

00:59:59I didn't miss the world.

01:00:02It just, it was amazing.

01:00:03So as, you know, as time went on,

01:00:06I was like, I have to tell my family.

01:00:08I have to tell my family.

01:00:11I told my dad and over two years,

01:00:15my dad had me blocked completely off everything.

01:00:19He attempted suicide for his third time

01:00:23because he found out I was a Christian.

01:00:25He said, you have brought shame to our family.

01:00:29And he attempted suicide.

01:00:31Wouldn't talk to me, was in the ICU.

01:00:33And this was like the worst attempt.

01:00:34Like my dad owned a perfume business

01:00:37and people had noticed he wasn't answering the phone

01:00:39for over like a week.

01:00:40The police really had to come

01:00:41and like break the glass of his business and go in the back.

01:00:44They found a whole suicide note about how, you know,

01:00:47he attempted because my daughter's a Christian.

01:00:48I failed, I failed in life.

01:00:51And so I found that out.

01:00:53My mom at the time had also like disowned me

01:00:56for like over like a year and a half, we weren't talking.

01:00:59But during this time, I'm praying.

01:01:01I'm praying for my family.

01:01:02I'm praying that they would come to know Jesus.

01:01:04And, you know, I want so badly,

01:01:08I wanted it to hurt more them disowning me

01:01:11and them choosing to walk away from me.

01:01:15But I was reading the scripture about how, you know,

01:01:18remember like if they hate you, if they persecute you,

01:01:21they hated me first, they persecuted me first, you know?

01:01:24And I'm reading in the scriptures about how

01:01:27even Jesus himself came on this earth

01:01:29and people rejected him, even though he was perfect.

01:01:31And so even though I was like hurt

01:01:36by their decision to disown me,

01:01:38I had so much comfort in the scriptures, you know,

01:01:43as I was reading the word.

01:01:44And I knew that I knew that my prayer was powerful

01:01:47because if God could save me, he could save them.

01:01:49Just like literally childlike faith.

01:01:52So I'm praying for my dad.

01:01:53And then the Lord starts to show me,

01:01:56you need to forgive your family for everything they've done.

01:01:59You need to forgive your dad for the ways he's abused you.

01:02:03And I'm like, no, why?

01:02:05Don't you see what he's done?

01:02:07Don't you see?

01:02:08And he's like, you're praying for him.

01:02:09You're not forgiving him.

01:02:10You need to forgive, you need to forgive.

01:02:12Before you pray, you need to forgive people

01:02:14that have hurt you, you need to release your offenses.

01:02:17And I sat there, I remember I cried

01:02:19and I was just like, okay, Jesus,

01:02:21if you forgave me for entertaining married men,

01:02:26all these different things that I've done,

01:02:29you know, I've led people into sin.

01:02:31I've led people into homosexuality.

01:02:32I've led people just into corruption.

01:02:35You forgive, why would you forgive me?

01:02:37I need to forgive.

01:02:38Because if he could forgive me,

01:02:39who am I not to forgive my dad?

01:02:42So I started forgiving him.

01:02:43Even though I didn't want to say it out loud,

01:02:45I said, I'm gonna say it.

01:02:46I don't feel it, but I'm gonna say it.

01:02:48I forgive my father for all the abuse he's put me through.

01:02:51I forgive him, I forgive him, I forgive him.

01:02:53And as I started to say that,

01:02:54something would just break, something was breaking off me.

01:02:56The rejection and the pain was breaking off me.

01:03:00Started to forgive my mom, started to forgive my family.

01:03:02I started to forgive exes,

01:03:04people in the past that have hurt me.

01:03:05I started to forgive my bullies,

01:03:07people who had bullied me and made fun of me.

01:03:10And I'm telling you,

01:03:11God was just doing a supernatural work in my heart.

01:03:14And so around this time,

01:03:16as I'm still interceding and praying for my family,

01:03:18I am just running for God.

01:03:20I am ready, I'm telling everybody,

01:03:22let me tell you about Jesus.

01:03:23Like, let me tell you,

01:03:24because if he can do it for me, he can do it for you.

01:03:26And so I was like, I heard the Lord say,

01:03:28it's my first time ever hearing the audible voice of God.

01:03:31And I heard the word missions, missions.

01:03:34I was like, missions.

01:03:36I was like, okay.

01:03:37I was like, what does that mean?

01:03:38It's still like a, I guess, Christianese word.

01:03:40I didn't know what mission trips really were.

01:03:42And so I searched it up and it's like,

01:03:44not just like where you necessarily

01:03:45just go build a house somewhere.

01:03:46It's where you actually go somewhere and share the gospel.

01:03:50I was like, oh, I want to do that.

01:03:51And something leapt in my spirit, I just knew.

01:03:54And so I went on my first mission trip in 2022.

01:03:57I went to Hawaii.

01:03:59People think of Hawaii, no.

01:04:00Hawaii needs the gospel

01:04:01because there's a lot of homeless people.

01:04:03There's a lot of addiction out.

01:04:05There's a lot out there.

01:04:06So I went to Hawaii for three months.

01:04:08I was out there.

01:04:09And then I went to Sweden for three weeks.

01:04:11And that was my first mission trip.

01:04:13And I was just sharing the love of Jesus.

01:04:15I was praying for people and my life was just amazing.

01:04:18It was changing.

01:04:20And at this time, people from the past are like,

01:04:23hey, are you good?

01:04:23Like, I haven't heard from you.

01:04:25Like, where are you?

01:04:26And even the friends I used to have in the past,

01:04:29I'm not even like,

01:04:31God had put such amazing people in my life at my church.

01:04:34So I wasn't like missing people in the past.

01:04:36Like the amazing thing about what God did in my testimony

01:04:39is it wasn't just my life was empty.

01:04:43It was God started filling me.

01:04:45It kind of reminds me of like when you have a cup of water

01:04:48and you start filling it up with something,

01:04:50like whatever's in that cup already,

01:04:53it's gonna like flow out

01:04:54as it gets filled with something else.

01:04:56So as I started reading the word

01:04:57and I started reading the Bible,

01:04:58things started naturally just leaving,

01:05:01but I started getting so much more filled

01:05:02with what was coming in,

01:05:03but I didn't even notice what had left.

01:05:05I was just so happy about what was in front of me.

01:05:07I had great friends.

01:05:08I came back and the Lord said,

01:05:10hey, you took a break off school.

01:05:12I want you to finish school.

01:05:13I came back to school,

01:05:14started witnessing to people at my college.

01:05:17And from there, I had met my husband.

01:05:21God is so good.

01:05:22I met my husband and we got married

01:05:23in under a year of knowing each other.

01:05:26Woo!

01:05:27Okay, under a year.

01:05:28And it's so amazing, right?

01:05:29Because when I first got saved back in 2021,

01:05:33in September of 2021, a month after my baptism,

01:05:36I told the Lord, Lord, I've defiled my body.

01:05:39I have slept with men, with women,

01:05:41I've done it all.

01:05:43I just need, I wanna let you know

01:05:45I'm making a covenant with you.

01:05:47I am not gonna kiss until I get married.

01:05:49I'm not gonna do it.

01:05:50Not because it was something ritualistic or religious.

01:05:53I was like, I wanna earn brownie points in heaven.

01:05:56I just knew that I knew

01:05:58that whoever the man God had for me,

01:06:00he was also gonna respect that.

01:06:02And we were not gonna kiss until not engagement,

01:06:04my wedding day.

01:06:05I said, I've defiled you with my body

01:06:07in these years until I get married.

01:06:08I wanna honor you completely with my body,

01:06:10the way I dress, the way I speak, everything.

01:06:13So I met my now husband.

01:06:15We were just talking at the time.

01:06:16I said, just so you know,

01:06:17as you can see, I'm very straightforward.

01:06:19I said, just so you know,

01:06:21I'm not kissing until my wedding day.

01:06:23I'm thinking he's gonna be like, oh.

01:06:25He was like, really?

01:06:27He was like, I told the Lord I wanted the same thing.

01:06:29I was like, really?

01:06:31And so God is so good.

01:06:33So yeah, we got married under a year of knowing each other

01:06:36and we didn't kiss until our wedding day.

01:06:38Our pastor married us and it was so beautiful.

01:06:42The peace of God, the presence of God,

01:06:43the glory of God was so present in that moment.

01:06:46I'm like, oh my gosh, I got married

01:06:48like less than two years serving the Lord.

01:06:49Like this is really phenomenal.

01:06:50This is really awesome.

01:06:51Like I have a man that treats me with respect,

01:06:54that loves me, that loves the Lord,

01:06:55that leads my family, that prays for me.

01:06:57And my husband was also, you know, sober.

01:07:00We're both sober.

01:07:01And so yeah, things are just so good.

01:07:04So in this process, like I said,

01:07:06as I was praying for my family,

01:07:08my mom and I still like,

01:07:09not like really having communication,

01:07:11but my dad, after two years, sends me a text message.

01:07:16And the text message is so long

01:07:18that you gotta click it to go on the next page.

01:07:20You know when the message is so long?

01:07:21If you know anything about a Muslim man,

01:07:26apologies don't really happen, you know?

01:07:28Like, especially from a father,

01:07:30they don't really apologize to you.

01:07:32My dad sent me like maybe like five paragraphs

01:07:36of him apologizing to me for everything he had done to me

01:07:41since I was a little girl, everything, everything.

01:07:45He said, I understand if you don't want a relationship

01:07:47with me, but I love you.

01:07:49I'm sorry I wasn't a good father.

01:07:52And I just knew that I knew like this could not have happened

01:07:56unless it was God himself tugging on this man's heart.

01:08:00Maybe he thought, you know,

01:08:01like there's a story in the Bible

01:08:02where the prodigal son in the book of Luke

01:08:04and he messes up his life and he does all these things.

01:08:07And he said, oh my gosh,

01:08:09if I go back to my father right now,

01:08:10like surely I'm gonna have to do all these works

01:08:12to get him to love me.

01:08:13I've messed up so bad.

01:08:14And maybe my dad thought the same.

01:08:16Maybe he thought like my daughter

01:08:17is probably not even gonna respond.

01:08:19I called him, I was like, I love you.

01:08:21I love you.

01:08:22Because now I don't see my dad as a person who abused me

01:08:25and who poured gasoline on my head

01:08:27and who touched me when I was a little girl.

01:08:29I don't see him as the person who wouldn't feed me

01:08:31when I was hungry.

01:08:32I see him now as someone that God wants to reach.

01:08:36If I had a lie detector right here up to my arm,

01:08:38they said, do you fully forgive your father?

01:08:40There would not even be a 0.0001%

01:08:43that's a little bit of unforgiveness.

01:08:45I have completely forgiven my father.

01:08:48I love him.

01:08:48I see him with the eyes of the Lord.

01:08:52And that's only, only by God.

01:08:54You cannot do that naturally.

01:08:55It has to be the Lord,

01:08:56but it's only because I understand

01:08:58how much I've been forgiven of.

01:09:00And so now my dad is currently still a Muslim,

01:09:03but he's gonna be saved in Jesus name.

01:09:05And now more than ever,

01:09:06our relationship is the best it's ever been, ever.

01:09:10And I tell him I'm going to church

01:09:12and he's like, I don't like it,

01:09:13but, you know, try to kill himself.

01:09:17So now even for him to even hear that I'm at church

01:09:19or, hey, bubba, I can't talk right now, I'm at church.

01:09:21It's miraculous.

01:09:22And so, yeah, my mom and I still praying for her,

01:09:26but since my husband and I got married,

01:09:28I wanna tell you that when you come to Jesus,

01:09:31it's not just a better life, it's a new life.

01:09:35It's a brand new life.

01:09:36Like my life didn't just get better.

01:09:38It became new, brand new.

01:09:40The child that I didn't get to be as a little girl

01:09:43because of everything I grew up in, now I am.

01:09:47So now at 21 years old,

01:09:48that's really when childhood Nadine started.

01:09:51Like I'm really still like a child now,

01:09:52just learn how to walk.

01:09:53Like I'm enjoying my life.

01:09:54Like my life is like a big playground now with the Lord.

01:09:58And so my husband and I, we started our own ministry.

01:10:01Isn't that so cool?

01:10:02Isn't that so cool?

01:10:03My husband and I started our own ministry.

01:10:05It's called COLE Ministries,

01:10:06where we teach young adults just about the word of God

01:10:09and how to grow in your relationship with him

01:10:11and that you have victory in Christ

01:10:13and that you don't have to look to the things of the world

01:10:16to find satisfaction.

01:10:17And God's given me the privilege of speaking

01:10:19on like many different stages,

01:10:21sharing what he's done for me.

01:10:23We went to South Africa.

01:10:24We went to Zimbabwe on mission trips.

01:10:27Like just God is so cool.

01:10:29And even in the midst of the restoration with my dad

01:10:32and even my husband coming into my life,

01:10:37in the midst of all this,

01:10:39I would say that the younger Nadine

01:10:42could not have imagined in a million years

01:10:46who I would be today.

01:10:48Now, if I feel something off spiritually,

01:10:51remember how I told you I used to see demons?

01:10:53Ooh, I know what name to call on.

01:10:54It's the name of Jesus.

01:10:56It is the name of Jesus.

01:10:57It's the name above every other name

01:10:59that depression has left me, that anxiety has left me.

01:11:02I was diagnosed with ADHD.

01:11:04Let me tell you something.

01:11:05I graduated my bachelor's in December

01:11:08and now I'm in Bible school, okay?

01:11:10I graduated cum laude, no medication.

01:11:13Cold turkey, no medication.

01:11:16I don't even drink caffeine.

01:11:17Just the strength of God.

01:11:19The joy of the Lord has become my strength.

01:11:22And now I'm just running for Him,

01:11:24excited to share what He's done for me

01:11:27and that He could also do it for you.

01:11:30Amen.

01:11:31Amen.

01:11:32Nadine, with that excitement,

01:11:34could you pray for those who are watching

01:11:38and desire that?

01:11:40Yes, yes.

01:11:43So wherever you are right now,

01:11:45whether you're in your car or your home

01:11:47or wherever you are, just take a deep breath.

01:11:53So Heavenly Father, I just pray right now

01:11:56for the person that's watching this.

01:11:58Lord, even the speakers that are coming out of the phone

01:12:01or through the laptop where my voice is echoing out into,

01:12:04Lord, I pray right now for your presence

01:12:06to go and fill that room,

01:12:09to go and fill that space, Lord.

01:12:11Lord, I pray that people would encounter you right now

01:12:14in a way that they never have before, Lord.

01:12:17Lord, I pray right now that Holy Spirit,

01:12:20you would just convict people of any sin,

01:12:23of every sin that's in their life, Lord.

01:12:26I pray, Lord, that you would give them the strength,

01:12:28the empowerment to do what pleases you,

01:12:31that the taste of sin, the desire to sin

01:12:34would completely leave them right now in the name of Jesus.

01:12:38Lord, I pray that people would have visitations

01:12:40of who you are.

01:12:41I pray, Lord, that when people would read the Bible,

01:12:44they'd have revelation.

01:12:45They'd say, wow, I didn't understand it,

01:12:47but now I understand it.

01:12:49Lord, I pray that you would remove the veil,

01:12:51that people would see you as their Lord

01:12:53and as their Savior, Lord.

01:12:55I pray, Lord, that right now,

01:12:57you would just do such a work in people's heart

01:12:59that you would heal people's heart right now,

01:13:02that right now on the opposite end of this screen,

01:13:05people would just even pause it and say,

01:13:07I forgive this person.

01:13:08I forgive that person, Lord.

01:13:10I pray that people would receive healing

01:13:12from the others that have hurt them in the past.

01:13:14And Lord, I thank you that right now,

01:13:16people are calling on your name.

01:13:18The Bible says,

01:13:19whoever calls in the name of the Lord shall be saved.

01:13:22So I thank you, Lord, that right now,

01:13:23people are calling on the name of Jesus

01:13:25and accepting you into their hearts.

01:13:28In Jesus' name, may their life never be the same.

01:13:31May they go from glory to glory and strength to strength.

01:13:34In Jesus' name, amen.

01:13:37Amen.

01:13:38Amen.

01:13:40Nadine, who is Jesus to you?

01:13:44Can I be so honest?

01:13:46This is the most,

01:13:47this is the question I'm most excited for.

01:13:50Jesus is my Savior.

01:13:53He's not just the Savior.

01:13:55He's my Savior.

01:13:57He saved me.

01:14:00He's, yes, He's the way.

01:14:01He's the truth.

01:14:02He's the life.

01:14:03He's the solution.

01:14:04He's the answer,

01:14:05but He's my Savior.

01:14:07He saved me.

01:14:08I could have died.

01:14:09I could have died so many times in those suicide attempts

01:14:13and gone straight to hell.

01:14:14No, but He saved me.

01:14:15He said, I have a plan for you.

01:14:16I'm saving you.

01:14:17He saved me from addiction.

01:14:19He saved me from homosexuality.

01:14:21He saved me from the lust of the world.

01:14:23He saved me.

01:14:25He saved me and He wants to save you.

01:14:28He is the Savior.

01:14:29There's no other Savior.

01:14:30Trust me, I tried to find a Savior in a man

01:14:33or in a woman or a new age or in Islam.

01:14:36He is the only Savior.

01:14:38He's the only one that could save your soul.

01:14:41So He's my Savior.

01:14:43Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.

01:14:47Nadine, any last words for those who are listening,

01:14:51watching your testimony at this moment?

01:14:56You are never too far gone.

01:14:58You are never, ever too far gone.

01:15:02For God's love, mercy, and grace,

01:15:05He is ready to welcome you with open arms.

01:15:08Just call on Him.

01:15:09Just call on Him.

01:15:10He loves you.

01:15:11He has a beautiful plan for your life.

01:15:13You are not alone.

01:15:16And you know, the devil is the father of lies.

01:15:19He is, he's not just a liar.

01:15:21He's the father of lies.

01:15:23But Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.

01:15:28So whatever lies you may be hearing,

01:15:30I want you to know that when you accept Jesus,

01:15:33when you look to Jesus, you find truth,

01:15:35truth about who your identity is,

01:15:37truth about what God wants you to do next in your life.

01:15:41Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.

01:15:45And when you go to Him, He'll accept you with open arms.

01:15:49Amen.

01:16:00Amen.

01:16:30Amen.

01:17:00Amen.

01:17:30Amen.

01:18:00Amen.

01:18:30Amen.

01:19:00Amen.

Category

Transcript

Recommended