- 5/20/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Oh, looking good, girl.
00:07That's another creep, just my luck.
00:20Please pick up.
00:26Hi, Dad. I'm stuck and I need you to come help me.
00:33Sure thing, hon.
00:35Are you seriously screwing someone right now?
00:38He'll be there soon.
00:41What? Who?
00:46Drugging girls in my club? You must have a death wish.
00:55You got the wrong guy, I swear!
01:03Shut up. You have the worst timing.
01:07You know that favor you owe me? I'm cashing it in. Now.
01:20What are you doing?
01:21What's a princess like you doing in a place like this?
01:29It's nice and warm in the back of my truck.
01:32You get away from me, creep.
01:34Ah, you've got a mouth on you, don't you?
01:39Stop!
01:40Let's see what else it can do.
01:44What the hell?
01:52Mr. Collins? Dad's son is best friend?
02:13You're shivering. Come on, kiddo.
02:16Kiddo? Why is he still calling me that? I'm a grown-ass woman.
02:22Do you want me to roll out a red carpet for you or what? Let's go.
02:33I haven't seen Mr. Collins in, like, five Christmases?
02:40He's better than I remember.
02:44Something wrong?
02:49Your arm is wet from the rain.
02:58Wipe it, then.
03:20There's no rain up there.
03:23Right, sorry.
03:28So why'd my dad send you, anyway?
03:32Thought you'd be busy running your nightclub or feeding up sleazebags, not making up some guy's daughter.
03:45Come to think of it, I actually don't think I've seen my dad in months.
03:50I don't do small talk.
03:54Okay, then.
03:59Wait, wait, wait, stop. I need to pick something up.
04:02No, I'm not taking a little kid to buy alcohol.
04:04I am 22 years old.
04:06Exactly, kiddo.
04:07Shut up! You're not that much older than me.
04:11Look, I'm having a little kickback at my apartment later and I need to buy alcohol because otherwise nobody will want to be friends with me and then I won't have any friends for the rest of the year.
04:18And nobody—
04:21If I take you, will you shut up?
04:24Yes.
04:33I'll be quick.
04:45You're not going out there dressed like that.
04:49It's not safe.
04:51Has it been like this the whole time?
04:53Yeah.
04:54Why didn't you say something?
04:56I just did.
04:57You freaking creep!
05:00Give me a jacket or something.
05:30When you're done checking me out, I think your store closes in two minutes.
05:34I was not checking you out. That was Ian.
05:37I'm sure it was, kiddo.
05:39It's past your bedtime.
05:43Stop calling me kid.
05:59You might actually make friends tonight, Harper.
06:07This is a small kickback?
06:10Looks like a goddamn circus in there.
06:13Does your dad know about that?
06:15Well, maybe if my dad actually bothered to visit, I would give a shit what he thinks, but he doesn't live here and neither do you.
06:23Yeah, about that.
06:25I live here now. He put me in charge.
06:28And I'm kicking everyone out.
06:29Wait, Chris. No, please.
06:34This might be my only chance to make friends.
06:45You can't buy your friends, kid.
06:48I don't have another choice.
06:51I've barely met anyone since I transferred here and this is my last year of college and I don't want to graduate alone.
07:00Okay. Have your kickback. Or not.
07:04Either way, I have to stay here until your dad gets back.
07:08I don't need you to look after me.
07:14Who is that?
07:17No one.
07:22I'm going to kill you? Count your days, slut?
07:25It's not a big deal. I can explain.
07:28This is your ex, Brian. Your dad was talking about him, this sick fuck.
07:33You guys were spying on me?
07:35Mark cares about your safety.
07:38That's the only reason I'm here. It's either me living here or three bodyguards.
07:43Your choice.
07:51You are not living here.
07:53I don't give a shit what my dad says. I don't need a babysitter.
07:58Then stop acting like a baby.
08:03You better not show your face in there. I don't need you acting like an asshole to all my friends.
08:15God damn it. I promised Mark.
08:27Whoa. Who's this buff grandpa?
08:31Grandpa? He's hotter than you, Mike.
08:41I knew I read a loser nobody's house when I run Greek life.
08:46I could literally be on a yacht right now.
08:48Apparently this chick Harper Reeves has a rich dad.
08:51And rich dad means fancy alcohol.
09:00Hi. Hi. Christina, Fox, and Becca too.
09:04I can't believe you guys actually came to my party.
09:07Yeah. Couldn't miss it.
09:12It's really nice to meet you.
09:14Well, please feel free to help yourselves.
09:20Thanks, Heather.
09:21Oh, it's Harper.
09:24Enjoy the party.
09:29I guess this bottle in the calendar makes up for having to put up with that dork Harper.
09:36Harper?
09:39Forget Harper. Hang out with me.
09:43I know somewhere we can talk.
09:48I know somewhere we can talk.
09:51I don't like talking.
09:53Oh, I know your type, daddy.
09:55Christina and I, we're into group activities.
09:58Talk or no talk?
10:01You're telling me you would turn down the both of us for that nobody Harper?
10:07Sorry, ladies. I don't like my women. Desperate.
10:14Oh, and mention Harper's name again and I'll make you regret it.
10:21He really picked Harper over us?
10:23I think we need to teach that nobody a lesson about what happens to skanks who think they can upstage us.
10:38Oh, Harper. Hey.
10:41Listen, do you think I could use your bathroom?
10:44Everyone is using the one downstairs and...
10:49Of course you can. You're like your school royalty.
10:54Thanks. You know, I can't believe we didn't become friends earlier.
11:00We're friends?
11:02Of course. I have to pee. Wait for me?
11:08Yeah, of course. I'll just be right outside my own room.
11:19What dirt can I find?
11:30Oh, this is gold.
11:34Harper, you are one psychotic little bitch.
11:40Time to shut your loser party down.
11:49I think I saw Harper go out there with a guy.
12:04What the hell?
12:08The hell?
12:16Attention, everybody. Hello.
12:20You all seem a little bored, so why don't I spice things up by reading...
12:28a few pages of Harper's diary.
12:34A few pages of Harper's diary.
12:39Let's see.
12:41Dear Diary, Dad never wants to hang out with me.
12:46Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me.
12:49Oh, Harper. Daddy issues much?
12:57No! He's gonna give it back!
13:03Dad's friend, Chris, is like a dilf.
13:08That stands for a dad I'd like to fuck.
13:11And honestly, if he weren't my dad's best friend...
13:18You fantasize about fucking guys your dad's age?
13:23Harper, that is so nasty.
13:25Christina, it's not true.
13:27Christina, I think the bitch is in heat or something.
13:30Is all this talk about your weird grandpa fetish turning you on?
13:39Let's cool her down.
13:47No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
13:51Fuck this.
14:22Jealous that a grandpa prefers Harper over a threesome with you and your loser friend?
14:31You were supposed to get rid of him!
14:38Come to her party. Take advantage of her kindness, and you make fun of her family life?
14:43It was a joke! It was a joke!
14:46The joke is the fact that Harper turned out to be a good kid without her father in her life.
14:51Your dad taught you how to be a witch.
14:55Chris, that's enough. Let her go.
15:01One last look.
15:06What the hell is wrong with you?
15:08You're too old to be this petty!
15:10You're damn right I'm petty.
15:12Let's get one thing straight here.
15:14Harper might be too kind to flash her family's connections.
15:17If you mess with her again...
15:22...fuck you up.
15:24Harper, let me just, girl!
15:26I don't give a fuck! Everyone out! The fuck out!
15:37What the hell was that?
15:41What the hell was that?
15:59She hurt you.
16:00Chris, I'm fine.
16:02Chris, I said I'm fine!
16:07You're crying.
16:10Why are you crying?
16:12I don't understand.
16:14Those aren't your friends, kid. They just tried to hurt you.
16:17I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
16:20Stupid. I know they're not my friends, but that was Christina's fault.
16:25You just embarrassed me in front of them.
16:26I'm gonna stop you right here.
16:27And she's the queen of our school!
16:28I said stop!
16:33I said stop!
16:36I don't care if she runs the school. We'll find you another school.
16:39I'm here to keep you safe.
16:41Keep me safe by pulling out a gun in front of college students?
16:45Just because you run some sort of shady business doesn't...
16:47I choose my next words very carefully, kid.
16:51I told you...
16:54...to stop calling me that.
16:58And I told you to stop acting like one.
17:02Oh, yeah?
17:05If I'm such a kid, what's that breast against my leg right now?
17:15Sorry, kid. That's my gun.
17:18You're gonna have to try a lot harder if you want to turn me on.
17:22You better not be here tomorrow.
17:36Please tell me you're gone.
17:42You better not be a single t-shirt in there, Chris Collins, I swear.
17:46I don't care what my dad says.
17:54Oh!
17:56God.
18:06What?
18:13What kind of freak is my dad friends with?
18:18No.
18:22No, no, no, no. It cannot be happening. He's gonna be back in a second.
18:35You know, if you wanted to play, you could have just asked.
18:40I don't want to... I don't want to play.
18:42What do you even do with these, you perv?
18:45Oh, I'm the perv?
18:47You're the one who came into my room, into my closet, when I wasn't here.
18:52I was doing you a favor and helping you move out because you shouldn't be here.
18:57Uncuff me.
19:01What are your manners?
19:05Say please.
19:09I don't have time for your games, old man.
19:14Give me the key.
19:21What the...
19:22You and I are going to establish some ground rules.
19:25Are you ready to listen, like a good little girl?
19:28Or am I going to have to keep you cuffed up all day?
19:34Rule number one.
19:37There is a lot scarier shit out there, kiddo.
19:41You just haven't been out in the real world long enough to notice it.
19:44So when I tell you that I'm here to protect you, you better listen to everything I say.
19:50I can take care of myself.
19:52Rule number two.
19:54No talking back.
19:56I am the last guy you want to piss off.
20:05Rule number three.
20:08Don't start any games.
20:11You're not ready to play.
20:27So what else do you have planned today?
20:33My plans are none of your concern.
20:36Here in the regular, no-violent, non-mafia America, we have this thing called privacy.
20:43You can have your privacy.
20:46Until sunset.
20:48What does that mean?
20:52We have curfew.
21:15How's my daughter?
21:17Um, hot.
21:19Um, hot.
21:21What was that?
21:23Uh, she's hot-headed.
21:25Why the hell did I say that?
21:27That's why you're watching her and not me.
21:29Is she back from class?
21:31She was supposed to be back from class hours ago.
21:33Chris, is my daughter okay?
21:36She's fine, Mark.
21:37Good.
21:38You're my best friend.
21:40You're the only one I trust to keep her safe.
21:43You better have a good excuse when I find you.
22:14Get a fucking strip club, Harper.
22:18Your dad wants me to keep you out of trouble and you're at a goddamn strip club.
22:44Uh, excuse me.
22:46We're filming.
22:48Filming?
22:49Filming what?
22:50Some real hot stuff.
22:52Now beat it, Grandpa.
22:53Go find a room somewhere else.
22:55I'm looking for Harper Reeves.
22:57It says her location is here.
22:59So step aside before I make you.
23:02Nope.
23:03Harper is my best friend.
23:04And she didn't mention some old dude we'd be looking for.
23:06Hey, wait!
23:07Wait!
23:08Wait!
23:09Wait!
23:14He looks so sexy.
23:17Keep going.
23:18Harper?
23:26You shouldn't be here.
23:28You shouldn't be here.
23:30I tried to stop him.
23:35No, Harper.
23:36You shouldn't be in this grimy-ass place.
23:38What do you think you're doing here?
23:39It's for a class project.
23:41A class project?
23:42Give him his camera back, you prick.
23:44Class my ass.
23:45Is that what you told her to get her here?
23:47I ought to stick this camera straight up.
23:49Chris, stop!
23:50Not until I pummel this creep.
23:52Then the camera's next.
23:53Hey, wait, wait, wait.
23:54Not the camera.
23:55It costs a thousand dollars.
23:56You should have thought about that before making Harper shoot your porn.
23:59That is enough!
24:12These look amazing, Harper.
24:14Oh, my best friend is so sexy.
24:16Wait until the whole class sees this.
24:18No one's going to see these.
24:20Deleting them.
24:21What if...
24:22That is art.
24:23Give him his camera back or I swear to God I'll go out there
24:26and I'll give one of those creeps a lap dance.
24:31See how much my dad likes that?
24:36Your choice.
24:38Your choice.
24:43Camera it is.
24:46No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
24:48You asshole!
24:50If you ever ask Harper to do something like this again,
24:53I will jam that camera so far down your throat,
24:56you'll be shitting out Polaroids.
24:59What the fuck is your problem?
25:07I'm leaving.
25:08Now.
25:16So first you stalk me,
25:18and then you humiliate me in front of my friends?
25:20I did it for your own good.
25:22You assaulted my classmate and ruined our project!
25:26You need me around for your safety,
25:28because clearly you can't do it on your own.
25:30You should have seen the way those guys were looking at you.
25:33Like a piece of meat.
25:36My classmate?
25:38It sounds like someone's a little jealous.
25:43Jealous?
25:45Jealous?
25:50You're cute, Harper.
25:51I'll give you that.
25:53And those things you do?
25:56They're cute too.
25:58You know what's not cute?
26:01Me jealous.
26:03You were right. I'm in some shady business.
26:05And I don't give two shits about what your little friends think about me.
26:08But you better not test me,
26:10or I'll break you.
26:14In more than one way, Harper.
26:20Well, guess what?
26:22You just called me Harper instead of kid.
26:27Just admit that you want me.
26:34What the hell is happening to me?
26:38There's no way I'm turned on by my best friend's daughter.
26:42Put your seatbelt on.
26:44You know what, Chris?
26:46You wanna be my bodyguard? Fine.
26:48But I'm gonna make you crazy for me.
26:51Let's see if Dad keeps you around now.
26:55So, are you gonna tell me who that possessive psycho hottie is?
27:00No.
27:02Are you sleeping with a professor?
27:04Oh my god, Maria, no! Ew!
27:08That's my dad's best friend, Chris Collins.
27:10He was sent here to keep me safe.
27:13And he secretly wants to fuck you.
27:16I don't know.
27:17But I do know that that's the only way my dad will agree to send him home.
27:20Um, wait.
27:22You actually want to seduce your dad's best friend?
27:27Think about it.
27:30We need to get my dad to fire Chris.
27:33The only way to do that is if he makes a move.
27:35So that's step one.
27:37You should have seen the way he barged into that club looking for you.
27:41He was jealous, Harps.
27:43Yeah, right. Jealous of me?
27:45I'm a college student who works at Whole Foods.
27:47He's like a tech genius, billionaire, hobbyist MMA fighter.
27:52Not jealous of you, dummy.
27:54Jealous over you.
27:56It looked like he wanted to kill Aaron over you dancing in that lingerie.
28:00So all we have to do is somehow make Chris more jealous until...
28:05Until he snaps.
28:06And then he has to admit he's got the hots for his best friend's daughter.
28:10And when your dad sees that, he'll be on a plane to butt-fuck nowhere in no time.
28:17Here's to operation seduction.
28:19Chris Collins, you better watch out.
28:22Because I get what I want.
28:24Mm-hmm.
28:35Sexy outfit? Check.
28:38Popcorn? Check.
28:40A notebook. The only movie that can make a guy cry? Check.
28:55What do you want?
28:57You done giving me the silent treatment?
28:59Um, popcorn?
29:01Harper, you idiot. Seduce him.
29:04I mean, I brought snacks as a peace offering.
29:10But if you're busy, I can come back later.
29:14Wait, wait, wait.
29:17I have a date, but that's not important. Your pulse is racing.
29:21What's going on?
29:24Is your ex-boyfriend giving you trouble?
29:27No, I just...
29:30I came to ask if you wanted to watch a movie, but it's...
29:46Well, are we watching a movie or not?
29:54What about your date?
30:16How are you not crying? This is like the saddest movie ever.
30:19Because it's not real.
30:22This is ridiculous.
30:24No one would ever leave a perfect husband like that for someone like this.
30:28It's true love.
30:31There's no such thing as true love.
30:33Anyone who's fully grown knows that, kiddo.
30:37Or...
30:39Maybe...
30:42You're just a soulless A.I. bot.
30:46And there are batteries in your back.
30:52What exactly do you think you're doing touching me like that?
30:58What exactly do you think you're doing touching me like that?
31:03Now, come on. Just admit that you enjoyed it.
31:11Don't mess with me, Harper. I'm not a toy. I'll ruin you.
31:15Well, I'm not just something that can be ruined.
31:18Well, I'm not just something that can be ruined.
31:21As hard as you try to convince yourself I'm not a little girl anymore...
31:28It's not a lie.
31:30You are a beautiful woman.
31:33And I'm too much for you, kid.
31:35You can't handle me.
31:37Try me.
31:43I don't do that lovey-dovey shit.
31:45I don't kiss, and I don't make love, Harper.
31:50Maybe I'm into that.
31:52No.
31:54I don't think you are.
31:58What did you get yourself into, Harper?
32:11Just...
32:12Just...
32:14Shut up and watch the movie.
32:16I'm sorry. I love you.
32:19It's just the last thing I can do for you.
32:29You're supposed to seduce him, Harper. Not be seduced by him.
32:36I told you not to call me on my personal phone.
32:39I told you not to call me on my personal phone.
32:43You're late, Big Daddy.
32:46But you sound pissed.
32:48So I'll wait.
32:50You want to come in and fuck your frustration up?
32:53Not tonight.
32:55I'm busy.
32:56Busy?
32:59Remember, for me, you're not.
33:01When the hell could you possibly be?
33:05Are you with another woman?
33:06Woman? No.
33:10Not a woman.
33:13Do you know how many guys would kill to be with me right now?
33:23Not this guy.
33:25Who's my number?
33:34Whoever this girl is, your days are numbered.
33:37Do not flake on Milana Kaufman.
33:58She's going to be the death of me.
34:00Good.
34:03Because I'm coming for you, Chris Collins.
34:07Stay.
34:15Stay.
34:20Damn it, Harper.
34:37I'm coming for you.
34:39I'm coming for you.
35:03You know, if you're trying to fill me up,
35:05you should probably have your hand inside my pants.
35:09Oh my God, did we have sex?
35:12Oh my God, did we have sex?
35:14I slept with my dad's best friend.
35:16His business partner.
35:18I'm a dead girl walking.
35:20No, but we might as well if you're going to keep your hand on me.
35:29So, so we didn't?
35:31No.
35:33Because you're still alive.
35:35Trust me, you can't handle a night with me, Angel.
35:38One night with me is when you wouldn't survive.
35:41You don't know that.
35:44Let's just say you're lucky you're not my type.
35:47Oh yeah? Explain that.
35:51That's morning wood, sweetheart.
35:53Don't get your hopes up.
35:55We're not on a nickname basis.
35:57You're just some guy who works with my dad and can't take a hint.
36:03Is that what you tell all the guys to get them to sleep with you?
36:09Is that how you ask all the guys to sleep with you?
36:18What's wrong? Not as adventurous as you thought you were?
36:21I am going to go for a cock-a-walk.
36:25I'm going to go for a walk.
36:28With my friend.
36:31Thanks for watching me sleep. Bye.
36:38Bye.
36:52Well, this will do.
36:55Okay.
37:04So my dad's best friend knows how to shoot a gun and beat up my ex, but not how to do laundry.
37:19Struggling much?
37:24I've been a mess.
37:27I failed your test.
37:29I swear I've done my best.
37:42I don't know what your game is, but wearing my shirt first thing in the morning is pretty obvious, kid.
37:51I had no other choice.
37:53I ran out of clothes and you don't know how to do laundry.
37:57Sounds like an excuse to wear my shirt.
38:00You just can't get away from me, can you?
38:02That's not...
38:09No underwear?
38:17That's bad manners, Angel.
38:20What are you going to do?
38:24Punish you.
38:30No.
38:36I'm not lying.
38:40You don't know me.
38:43No.
38:46I'll tie you up and fuck you only from the back.
38:50Would you complain about that, princess?
38:53I'd say do your worst.
38:56I'd say do your worst.
38:59No.
39:12I'm sorry.
39:14I can't let this happen.
39:15What the heck? Why are you stopping?
39:21You deserve someone better that's not just going to tie you up, Harper.
39:26But...
39:27But what about...
39:28There's no buts.
39:31I can't let this happen again.
39:43Cockblock!
39:48You actually tried to fuck your dad's best friend?
39:52That was part of the plan!
39:54I can't even go back to my own place now. I'm so embarrassed.
39:57Was it big?
40:00So big.
40:03Look, I don't want to talk about Chris Collins' dick for a second longer.
40:07It's bad enough that I basically fondled him like I'm the sex freak.
40:10Wait, what do you mean? He's a sex freak?
40:13Like BDSM?
40:14Like BDSM.
40:15Like BDSM.
40:16Like BDSM.
40:17Like BDSM.
40:18Like BDSM.
40:19Like BDSM.
40:20Like BDSM.
40:21BDSM.
40:22The whole nine yards. Whips, chains, handcuffs.
40:26My dad has the worst taste in friends, I swear.
40:28Why couldn't a hot leather daddy move across from me?
40:32Wait, do you think he's going to show up to the alumni gala tonight?
40:36Oh, I've got to talk to my best friend's future sugar daddy.
40:39Crap, what if he is coming?
40:41Well, then you're going to have to show up smoking hot if you want Operation Seduction to work.
40:51What?
41:01Stop messing with that.
41:02You're going to flash a 90-year-old alumni and give him a heart attack.
41:05You don't think it's too much, Maria?
41:08How are us trying to woo your man?
41:10He's not my man.
41:16I hope you're not talking about me.
41:18Ew, leave Brian. She doesn't want to speak to you.
41:22You still letting this loser make your decisions for you, Harps? Huh?
41:30What do you want, Brian?
41:34Just five minutes.
41:38Fine.
41:39Harper.
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