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Short filmTranscript
00:00This is a restricted military facility.
00:02Turn around and walk away, or I'll warm you up by unloading my clip into you.
00:07That would be a monumentally stupid thing to do.
00:10Let General Allen know that I'm here, and step aside, soldier.
00:13General Allen, huh?
00:15Who do you think you are?
00:18The damn President?
00:21I'm the President of the United States of America.
00:25Who do you think you are?
00:28The damn President?
00:30The General doesn't take walk-ins by random men in prissy suits.
00:34Back the fuck up, or I'll take you down.
00:37What the hell are you doing, soldier?
00:57Sir, this con man was trying to talk his way into our secure facility.
01:03Con man, this is Damien Blaine, CEO of Atlas Defense Group.
01:07Our top military contractor.
01:10He single-handedly controls the global arms trade.
01:13You fucking fool!
01:15I'm sorry, sir. I'm a fool, sir.
01:18Please, sir, forgive me for my stupidity.
01:22At ease, soldier. Step aside.
01:34Gentlemen, your arsenal's best intercontinental ballistic missile takes 27 minutes to reach its target across the globe.
01:40Giving our enemies 27 minutes to prepare and launch retaliatory strikes.
01:45It's a weak spot, but we can't do any better. It's impossible.
01:49Impossible isn't in my vocabulary.
01:52We can do better.
01:55I have. I got it down from 27 minutes to only three.
02:02I thought you'd be skeptical, so how about a show and tell?
02:06Gentlemen, I present to you the Titan Missile.
02:09Now you can strike anywhere in the world in just three minutes.
02:21Once again, sir, we'll take all. No matter the cost, we'll take it all.
02:27Thought you'd say so. Good.
02:29Before you leave, the president would like to host you for dinner.
02:33Well, I'm honored, but please tell the president I'm unavailable.
02:36Tonight, I have other plans.
02:38You're standing up for the president. What plans could be more important?
02:43Well, General, as you can imagine, I sell weapons for a living, and my father's worried that I'll die single.
02:49So tonight, I'm going on a date to find my future wife.
03:02When we get married and merge our family companies, your Olsen Group will double its value.
03:10It's a win-win for me, because I get richer and get to bone a hottie like you anytime I want.
03:23My father is forcing me to find a rich husband, but it won't be an immature frat boy like you trying to leech off my family.
03:30Get lost, creep.
03:31Spoiled bitch! Whatever.
03:37So, what do you do for a living?
03:40Well, my father's demanding I settle down, but I don't want a wife when he wants me for my money.
03:47I'm in sales. What about you, sir?
03:50Sales? How much do you make?
03:54But does that really matter?
03:56Yeah.
03:58Okay. In a good year, 50 or 60...
04:0260 grand? Good Lord, you can't even get a one-bedroom rental on that.
04:10Oh, I cannot believe my daddy set me up with someone so poor.
04:17Why don't we get to know each other a bit before discussing money?
04:21Pass. Money's the only thing that matters.
04:25What a waste of my time.
04:27I passed up dinner with the president for this date. Talk about a waste of time.
04:31And I meant 50 or 60 million.
04:40Had a bad date, huh?
04:43Tell me about it. I threw a drink in his face.
04:47My father is going to be furious and cut me off unless...
04:51I was just starting to like your smile.
04:54And he'll cut you off unless...
04:58This might sound crazy, but I would make it worth your while.
05:03Would you want to get married?
05:10Married. You really bring new meaning to moving fast on the first date.
05:15Oh? Is this a date?
05:17It is a Friday night. It's a really nice place and...
05:23You look fantastic. This is the best date I've had in ages.
05:28Okay. Since it's a date, I'll get right to the getting-to-know-me phase.
05:33My family's business is struggling. My father, a very traditional man,
05:38has got it in his head that the solution to our problems is marrying me off to some rich snob.
05:43I'm flattered, but what makes you think I fit the rich man profile?
05:48It doesn't matter. I don't care how much you make.
05:51I just need to get married to get my parents on my back while I fix our business.
05:55Contract marriage. That could work too.
05:59I know it's a crazy thing to ask, but I could pay you $10,000.
06:04All you'd have to do is play along and...
06:06That won't be necessary. I'd marry you for free.
06:14So I suppose my soon-to-be wife should know my name. I'm Damien.
06:19Iris Olsen. Pleasure to meet you.
06:22Pleasure to meet you.
06:24Hope you don't have any Christmas plans, because as my fiancé, I need you to come meet my family.
06:30Looking forward to it.
06:38Mr. Damien, Merry Christmas.
06:40Merry Christmas.
06:41These are the Christmas gifts that you got for the Ulstens.
06:43They're worth hundreds of millions, so please let me securely deliver them to them.
06:47No need. I'll deliver them myself.
06:50But this is a company SUV. I'm a little confused.
06:54You're the Ulstens' honored guest, and they didn't get you a car? Do they realize who you are?
06:59I haven't met the family or told them who I am yet. That's how I want it.
07:03I want them to know me for me, rather than my money.
07:06All right. Whatever you say, sir.
07:10Ding, ding.
07:15Yes? And you are?
07:18Mom, this is my husband. We were just talking about you.
07:22Merry Christmas, ma'am. I'm Damien.
07:25I was hoping it was all a bad dream, but you're really here.
07:28My daughter really married a poor salesman.
07:32Mom, be respectful. I like him.
07:39Okay.
07:44This is Olsen.
07:47You're looking as lovely as ever.
07:50Oh, Marcus. What a lovely surprise.
07:54I didn't know you'd arrived.
07:57Um, what was your name again?
08:01Salesman. Oh, Damien. Yes, Damien.
08:04You should be honored.
08:06This is Marcus Walton.
08:08Heir to the Walton Group and the only man worthy of marrying my daughter.
08:17So, you chose to marry this Iris?
08:23How bizarre.
08:27Bizarre? Yes.
08:30What can I say? My wife Iris has good taste.
08:35Don't be rude. Do you know who you're talking to?
08:40This man, the Walton Group, makes over a million dollars a month.
08:46You could probably never earn that much in an entire year.
08:50You'd be surprised.
08:52I'm sorry, Damien. This isn't...
08:54Don't bother, Mrs. Olsen.
08:56There's no point in trying to explain anything to someone like him.
09:01You're right, Marcus. Let's not waste our thoughts on such negative things.
09:06It's Christmas! It's Christmas.
09:12I'm sorry. Marcus is the douchebag my parents want me to marry.
09:16They only care about being rich and they hate people who aren't.
09:20That's why my mom's being rude to you.
09:22They have no idea what being rich means.
09:27Damien, are you upset?
09:29Please, you're not going to back out of this, right?
09:31Oh, no, no, no. I'm all in.
09:34When I make a promise, I plan to keep it.
09:37I'd never screw you like that.
09:40I mean, unless you consent at first.
09:46If we get through this day with my family, I'll consent to anything.
09:52And I'll even throw in an extra grand for putting up with my family.
09:57I'm looking forward to it.
09:59But Iris, I really don't need your money. I'm good.
10:03Iris, did you know Marcus is working on a deal with Harvey Lambert?
10:09No, Mom. I didn't.
10:11Because I don't even know who Mr. Lambert is.
10:14Harvey Lambert? He's on the second command of the world's largest defense contractor, Atlas.
10:25And with Mr. Lambert's support, we're going to take the one group worldwide and quadruple our profits.
10:36You see, Iris, Marcus is very impressive.
10:39He's a mover and a shaker.
10:42He's the kind of man you should marry, not this salesman.
10:47You could probably never get an appointment with someone as powerful as Harvey Lambert.
10:52I didn't realize Harvey was such a big deal to people outside the military.
10:55Harvey? In this house, we show respect.
11:00And you are not on a first-name basis with a man like...
11:04Oh, but I am. Harvey's an old friend.
11:12An old friend? That's not possible.
11:17Marcus, he's just a salesman. He's just making stuff up so he doesn't look bad in front of Iris.
11:25On the contrary.
11:27I feel bad for you, Iris. Not only is your husband unsuccessful, he's a compulsive liar. Shame.
11:35But don't worry, darling. If he's strapped for cash, I can hook him up.
11:39I'm fine. Thank you.
11:42Oh, it's Christmas time.
11:46I could hook you up with a big boy job.
11:51You can clean toilets at my company.
11:53If you're lucky, he might just catch a glimpse of your old friend as he's leaving the bathroom.
12:00Marcus, stop it. I don't care that Damien is poor.
12:05He's much more of a man than you'll ever be, and I won't let you insult him like this.
12:12Thanks, babe. But don't worry. They've got me all wrong.
12:18I actually, uh...
12:25What a coincidence.
12:27Father is discussing business with Mr. Lambert.
12:32What a perfect way to prove that you're a liar.
12:36Dad? What? Mr. Lambert wants me to be there in person?
12:41I'll leave right away.
12:43Mr. Lambert isn't there yet, but he'd like me to join him.
12:48I'll just confirm with your old friend Harvey that he's never met you before.
12:54You little liar.
12:56Can't wait. And when you're ready to apologize, you know where to find me.
13:03You'll be apologizing to me.
13:06All right. Well, Mrs. Olsen, Iris, I'm afraid I have to jet, but I have business to conduct.
13:14Don't worry. I'll be back with your Christmas gifts.
13:23Iris, how could you have been so rude to Marcus?
13:27And Damien, you liar.
13:30Mom, stop it. We're going to be late for Christmas at Grandpa's. Let's just go.
13:42Merry Christmas, Amanda.
13:44Merry Christmas, cousin. I am so glad you did not bring that pathetic loser.
13:50Merry Christmas.
13:56Merry Christmas, family.
13:58Who's this random?
13:59You must be Tom.
14:01Hi, I'm Damien, Iris' husband.
14:06So, you're the broke salesman who married Iris without even bothering to meet the family first?
14:12Oh, he doesn't care about Iris. He just married her for our money.
14:16Listen, guy, we all have a stake in this family business.
14:20You can't just waltz in here with Iris and steal it from us.
14:23I told you, Iris darling, bringing this freeloader home was a mistake.
14:28Enough. It's Christmas. If you all can't be decent, my husband and I are going to have to leave.
14:34Iris, don't be like that. We're just joking.
14:37You're the guest of honor tonight. You can't leave. Come on, come here.
14:47I'm sorry, Damien.
14:50My family's business is in trouble, and they were counting on Marcus to save us by marrying me off to him first.
14:56It's nothing personal. They just see you as standing in front of their money.
15:00It's amusing, actually. They're so against me, but they don't know anything about me.
15:04I know everything I need to know about you.
15:09Unlike the men they want me to be with, you're a good guy. You're doing great.
15:14This is the best few grand I've ever spent.
15:16Well, I'm just keeping my promise. And, Iris, I really don't need your money.
15:22I'm having a really good time with you.
15:24You're special. And I feel bad.
15:27In a rush to get married, we never consummated our relationship.
15:32But maybe later tonight we can...
15:40Auntie Iris!
15:42Uh, who's that?
15:44Hi, Leslie. This is my new husband, Damien.
15:47Damien, this is my niece, Leslie.
15:49Merry Christmas, Uncle Damien.
15:51Merry Christmas, kiddo.
15:53If I didn't know you had a niece, I wouldn't have brought her a gift.
15:56Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!
15:58Whoa.
15:59Uncle Damien, my money gun's empty. Can you give me some money to fill it up for Christmas?
16:04Oh, honey, you're asking the wrong man.
16:07He's just a broke, small-town loser.
16:10He doesn't have any cash for you. Do you, Damien?
16:13Leslie, Damien can't afford it.
16:16Daddy, what's a broke loser?
16:18Oh, it's just someone who's stupid and lazy and doesn't have enough to eat.
16:24Sounds sad, right?
16:26Oh, no, I'm really sorry, Uncle Damien. I shouldn't have asked.
16:30Tom, Leslie, your dad is joking.
16:33But maybe instead of something that costs money, Uncle Damien could take you somewhere.
16:38Now, Leslie, I'd love to fill your money gun, but I don't have any cash on me.
16:42But if you take this to the bank, they'll fill it up for you.
16:45Oh, Damien, you know the bank won't bother cashing a check that's worth less than the paper that it's printed on.
16:53Fifty grand.
16:56Fifty thousand dollars? Where'd you get this kind of money?
17:00That can't be right, unless...
17:03Damien, I don't know where you're from, but in the real world, writing a bad check is a crime.
17:09I knew it. He doesn't have this kind of money. He's just trying to show off. This check is worthless.
17:16It's not, Leslie. Cash the check.
17:22This idiot's clothes don't even have a brand.
17:24If you're going to pretend to be rich, try investing in some nicer clothes instead of these cheap knockoffs.
17:30Cheap? This is custom made.
17:32Damien, you are an embarrassment to this family.
17:35Lying to a child to protect your poor ego. How awful.
17:40You know, I was curious why your family's business was failing, but now I see why.
17:46You guys all jump to conclusions, and you can't see the truth when it's right in front of your face.
17:51You think I'm some poor loser? Prove it. Cash the check. Take it to the bank.
17:57And when you're ready to apologize, my wife and I will be here waiting.
18:01And when the check bounces?
18:02It won't.
18:06This is a family Christmas, and I'm done wasting my time on this loser.
18:12Agreed. Tom, help me with him.
18:14I need a drink.
18:22Who brought these Christmas gifts?
18:24They're from Damien.
18:26It's just a few gifts I got for the family. We can open them up during dinner.
18:29I really don't want to upset Dad during dinner, so I'd better check them out to make sure they're not too cheap or offensive.
18:34Hey, tough guy. What, are you embarrassed about your Christmas gifts?
18:38What is this fuss about, huh?
18:41Grandpa, this is my husband Damien, the one I told you about.
18:47Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
18:49Good, good. Not too tall, but handsome. You two make a lovely couple.
18:55Hey, Dad, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be resting?
18:58I couldn't wait to see my precious granddaughter.
19:02Is that a problem?
19:07Grandpa, everyone, dinner's ready.
19:32Can I help you, little girl?
19:34I'm here to get some cash from my uncle.
19:37My dad said it's fake, but my uncle Damien said it's real, and he's a nice guy.
19:43Can you help me cash it?
19:45Fifty thousand dollars? I think your uncle's playing a trick on you.
19:52I'm sorry. I didn't know.
19:55This is authentic. I'll get your cash now.
20:02Where can I find a chair?
20:04Oh, you want a seat at our table when nobody wants you here?
20:09He's Iris' husband. Why don't you?
20:12Grandpa, we didn't even know Iris was married. It was random.
20:16Aren't you a little concerned that he could be coming for our family's wealth?
20:19Damien isn't like that. Iris, we're just looking out for you, okay?
20:23I mean, seriously, a guy like this, marrying the CEO of the Olsen Group?
20:28If he's not after our money, why else would he be here?
20:32That's enough. It's Christmas dinner. Everyone, be respectful.
20:38Damien, I got you a present.
20:51I think someone confused me for the dog.
20:53Good one, sis.
20:56Iris, your husband's just been begging like a pathetic dog for our family fortune.
21:02We're going to treat him like one.
21:04Amanda, is this some kind of a joke?
21:06Actually, I'm not hungry anyway.
21:08Oh, you won't eat the food we give you, you ungrateful little gold digger.
21:13I'm confused.
21:15Okay, Grandpa, let me explain to you what everyone's thinking here.
21:19Damien doesn't deserve Iris. Not even a little.
21:23He tried to scam my daughter with a fake check. He's a terrible role model and a liar.
21:29Merry Christmas.
21:36The check was real, Dad.
21:43Leslie, where did you get all this?
21:45It's real. I took Uncle Damien's check to the bank and they cashed it.
21:53Thank you, Uncle Damien.
21:55Leslie, go back to the kids' table.
21:57I'm rich.
21:59The check was legit.
22:00That was fifty grand. That's more than Damien makes in a whole year.
22:03How'd you come up with this kind of cash?
22:05Damien, what's going on?
22:06Did we just assume he was poor?
22:07You did.
22:11But you know what they say about assumptions.
22:13They make an ass out of you and me.
22:16This cannot be real.
22:18Oh God, please tell me you didn't drain your measly life savings to impress us.
22:23Of course that's what he did. What a fragile ego.
22:26Draining your entire life savings just to impress a child?
22:29Ridiculous. It's shameful. Take it.
22:33You obviously need it more than any of us.
22:37Iris, I can't believe you married such a pathetic man. It's sad.
22:41Damien, you don't have to do this.
22:43It's not worth going broke to impress me or my family.
22:47Iris, I'm not broke. And I don't need your money.
22:52And this is nothing compared to the gifts that I bought for your family.
22:56You'll see.
22:58I'm sorry, gifts?
23:01Gifts.
23:03Let's see them.
23:06Come on, Dad. He's just a poor salesman.
23:09I'm sure they're just trash.
23:11You want to see real Christmas gifts?
23:14Let's open Amanda's.
23:16She's a top executive that's consulted with Harvey Lambert's defense company.
23:21She's rich.
23:24And she gives good gifts.
23:26Hey, what about me? I've done deals with Mr. Lambert.
23:29I should get the credit.
23:31I've been keeping this family afloat.
23:33If it wasn't for me, Iris would have bankrupt this company years ago.
23:37Excuse me? The company was already in rough shape when I took over.
23:41If anything, I was the one who turned it around.
23:44The company is still failing.
23:46Iris, we can't just sit by and watch you run the Olsen company into bankruptcy.
23:52And what exactly do you want me to do?
23:54Divorce this loser and marry Marcus. He has the funds we need.
23:58Marcus is a huge success.
24:00Go be with him.
24:02Or stick with this deadbeat and you'll be clipping supermarket coupons in no time at all.
24:07Is working with Harvey Lambert such a big deal to all of you?
24:10A big deal?
24:12Harvey Lambert runs a corporation worth billions.
24:15Something that you probably can't comprehend.
24:18Harvey Lambert's company is a subsidiary to a much larger corporation.
24:22I would know.
24:24Harvey's an employee.
24:26This pathetic guy thinks he knows about business.
24:31Harvey Lambert works for no one.
24:34No, Iris, your husband is delusional.
24:38Damien, if you think you know the first thing about a good CEO like Harvey Lambert,
24:43you need to get your head examined.
24:46Listen, I don't want to ruin Christmas over a petty fight.
24:49So I'll call Harvey and we'll clear this right up.
24:57I told you I'd come back and I come bearing gifts.
25:01Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
25:03I'm Marcus, Iris's close friend.
25:06Marcus, I thought you had a meeting with Mr. Lambert, but you have time for us?
25:12It went great. We're officially partnering.
25:15There's much to do, but I just couldn't keep Iris out of my head.
25:19So I had to rush right back here.
25:21Marcus, you are so impressive.
25:23Wish you were my cousin-in-law instead of this loser.
25:26Be patient. That can be arranged.
25:29Oh, Marcus, show the bottom feeder Damien what a real gift looks like.
25:36Iris...
25:38I don't want anything from you.
25:47A five-star golf club membership?
25:50This must be worth $30,000.
25:54Thanks, Marcus.
25:58A 49-year-old woman.
26:02A 49-year-old whiskey?
26:05That's $50,000 right there.
26:08Iris, check this out.
26:12It was worn at last year's Met Gala.
26:16Oh, my goodness. It's got to be worth $100,000.
26:20Mr. Lambert's having a banquet in a few days.
26:23I was hoping Iris would wear it and be my date.
26:27Marcus, this is too much.
26:30You should return it and ask for a refund.
26:32Iris, are you serious? This would look amazing on you.
26:35You would be the talk of the town.
26:38I know, Damien, it must be hard to know that you couldn't ever compare to Marcus,
26:43but you'll get over it.
26:45No, I just find it amusing that you're all so floored by what Marcus considers to be nice gifts.
26:55Okay, Damien, shut up. You're just jealous.
26:58You will never be able to afford amazing and expensive gifts like these.
27:02Marcus, don't even listen to him. He's such a leech.
27:07Iris will come to her senses, and then she'll divorce him soon,
27:12and then she's all yours, you charmer.
27:18Oh, Damien.
27:20Damien,
27:25here's what you'll never stand about the Waltons, you goddamn fool.
27:30We value sophistication, class, luxury.
27:35But if you don't think that my gifts are worthy enough, then enlighten us.
27:41Show everybody what you got them with your tiny little bank account.
27:46Oh, Damien's gifts are probably from the dollar discount bin, I'm sure.
27:51No, no, that's too generous. More like the free donation bin.
27:55Not exactly. See for yourselves.
27:58You're just setting yourself up for embarrassment.
28:01What happens if it turns out that your gifts are worth less?
28:04Then you'll apologize to Marcus and divorce Iris.
28:08Mom!
28:09I think that's a great idea.
28:11I'll take that bet.
28:13And when my gifts are more valuable than yours, you'll apologize to Iris and I.
28:18Tom, I hear you like fishing on the open seas.
28:21Well, now you can.
28:23From your own personal yacht.
28:49That's a Lazara.
28:51Entry-level boat is ten million.
28:54Anna, my beautiful mother-in-law, I hear you like collecting art.
29:08That's a Renaissance painting.
29:10Those go for about forty million.
29:12And this, the only one of its kind,
29:15the Ocean Hearts diamond necklace.
29:17Worth?
29:18One hundred million dollars.
29:35Okay, how, how is this possible?
29:39Hmm?
29:41You had a deal.
29:43You had a deal. Right, Marcus?
29:46So apologize to my husband.
29:48I wasn't writing.
29:50Damien was telling the truth.
29:52He's rich.
29:53Oh, Iris, you chose so well.
29:57We were so rude to your husband.
29:59We didn't mean it.
30:01Marcus made us do it.
30:03Wait a second.
30:06Damien, Damien, Damien.
30:10He almost fooled me.
30:12Marcus, what are you talking about?
30:15Think about it.
30:17How does a broke idiot like this afford any of this?
30:21There's only one logical answer.
30:24The cheap knockoffs.
30:26They're fake.
30:28Oh, you're right.
30:30I knew it.
30:32Come on, Iris, let's stick with the plan.
30:35For the family.
30:36Divorce Damien and marry Marcus.
30:39Are you sure you all want to take that risk?
30:42Are you absolutely positive these are cheap fakes
30:47just because some middle manager says so?
30:50I believe Damien.
30:52Sure, it seems far-fetched for a salesman to afford such expensive gifts,
30:56but we don't know much about him.
30:59What's there to know?
31:01Seriously think that this random loser has a secret building there?
31:09I don't think so.
31:11Grandpa Harold, you're a smart man.
31:14You've seen luxuries, you're well-traveled.
31:16What's your expert opinion?
31:18Are my gifts cheap fakes?
31:25Tom, what are you doing?
31:27Just taking my anger out on this fake junk your husband brought.
31:31That looks like fun.
31:33Hey, I want to try.
31:39Do you have any idea what you just did?
31:41They're just fakes anyway.
31:42I mean, they would end up in the trash eventually.
31:45Dad, you need to rest and not use your energy worrying about these gifts.
31:50You're so ignorant.
31:53What if they were real, Jimmy?
31:55What if you just destroyed a $40 million piece of art out of spite?
31:59God, you're insane. They're not real.
32:02If we displayed this painting, we'd be arrested for fraud and forgery.
32:09Stop!
32:19Stop!
32:25Do you have any idea what you've just done?
32:31You fools!
32:32Damien, look what you've done to Grandpa.
32:34He's furious with you.
32:36No, Amanda, I'm furious with you.
32:38The painting, the necklace, the boat.
32:42They're real.
32:45What?
32:46Grandpa, you're joking.
32:54Dad, why are you on the floor?
32:58I'm cleaning up your mess.
33:00This so-called trash is worth millions.
33:03No way.
33:04Your vision must be fading, Grandpa.
33:07Jimmy just bought some nice-looking fakes.
33:12How could I raise kids this stupid?
33:17Are you saying these are real?
33:19When I was younger, I saw this very painting in the private collection of Mr. Blaine Sr.
33:25The richest man in the country.
33:28Collectors lined up to bid.
33:32Mr. Blaine wouldn't sell.
33:34I destroyed a $40 million painting?
33:36I know these diamonds.
33:38They were procured at great cost.
33:41I smashed a $100 million diamond necklace?
33:47Damien, are you really so wealthy?
33:50You said you knew Mr. Lambert.
33:53Why didn't you tell me?
33:55Iris, I didn't want you to want me for my money.
33:59But I never lied to you.
34:03And there's still one gift left.
34:07For you.
34:09My wife.
34:11I deserve the whole world.
34:13You don't have to spend so much on me.
34:15I don't care about all that.
34:17I know.
34:19But I care about you.
34:21And I want you to get everything that you deserve.
34:23No.
34:25This is ridiculous.
34:28I'm rich. I'm successful.
34:30He's just a...
34:32I see, Damien.
34:34Well, they're real.
34:36But he didn't buy them.
34:39He stole them.
34:44All these gifts are connected to Mr. Lambert.
34:47So how did they get into your hands, Damien?
34:50Well, Damien, care to explain?
34:53Harvey sent them to me, of course.
34:55I've told you all of that.
34:57Stop the lying. You stole them from Mr. Lambert.
35:00You'll bring us all down with you.
35:02You're a criminal. This is outrageous.
35:04You worthless fraud.
35:06You conned your way into our family, and we nearly fell for it.
35:09You belong in jail.
35:11Mr. Lambert's valuable belongings are ruined because of you.
35:15Damien, is this true?
35:18Iris, absolutely not.
35:21Trust me.
35:23Trust me.
35:27Wow, what a coincidence.
35:30Mr. Lambert just texted me to say that he's on his way here right now.
35:34And once he sees what you've stolen from him, Damien,
35:38you're fucked.
35:40Perfect. I was hoping my old friend Lambert would stop by.
35:46Mr. Lambert is coming here?
35:48On Christmas? Did he say why?
35:51He doesn't say why, but it's obvious because he found out that Damien stole from him.
35:56He's so screwed.
35:58When he sees what we've done to these gifts, he'll come after us.
36:01Relax.
36:03I'll explain everything to Mr. Lambert once he gets here.
36:06Damien will take the blame.
36:09Mr. Lambert will thank us because he capped a thief for him.
36:14Marcus, you're a lifesaver.
36:17I'd do anything for this family.
36:20It's just a shame that Iris wouldn't do anything for me.
36:24Marcus, I will never be with you.
36:26Iris, be thankful Marcus even likes you.
36:28Think about what he could do for our family.
36:30There's no comparison.
36:32He's rich and powerful.
36:36Damien is a poor thief.
36:41No. I don't believe it.
36:44Damien wouldn't steal anything.
36:47You seriously believe that Damien is a secret billionaire who is somehow Mr. Lambert's boss?
36:53There has to be an explanation.
36:57Right, Damien?
36:59Iris, nothing I can say or do will convince your family.
37:05But I can call Harvey.
37:07Mr. Lambert.
37:09He'll figure this out.
37:11You honestly think we're going to believe that you have Mr. Lambert's phone number?
37:15Harvey, whatever else you're doing can wait.
37:19Come to the Olsen house immediately.
37:21Yes, sir. I'll cancel my other meeting and be there ASAP.
37:25To the Olsen house.
37:30Harvey Lambert will be on his way.
37:32Once he arrives, we'll figure this out.
37:34Did he really call Mr. Lambert?
37:36No. Mr. Lambert is a Fortune 500 CEO.
37:42There's no way this petty thief has his phone number.
37:44Well, I think he does have it.
37:46Iris, you sweet, sweet girl.
37:49You're all looks, no brains.
37:51Your husband is pulling a big trick on you.
37:54Damien, Marcus has Mr. Lambert's number.
37:57Show us your call history and let's see if he really called him.
38:01It's not that simple.
38:03Damien, if you're going to lie, at least commit to the bit.
38:05You're caught.
38:08I believe you. Just show him your call history.
38:17I knew it. You lying piece of shit. There's nothing there.
38:20This is my work phone.
38:21I do business with the Pentagon and intelligence agencies.
38:24My phone has been specifically modified to prevent hacking.
38:27All calls leave, no trace.
38:30So you're saying that you're a secret military spy?
38:34This gets more absurd by the second.
38:36Enough. Stop the lying. Stop with the charade.
38:40Divorce Iris or we'll call the cops.
38:46Oh, I wonder who that could be.
38:48Mr. Lambert, perhaps?
38:52Great. Right on time. Just as I ordered.
38:55Oh, Damien, keep talking.
38:58You won't be so cocky when Mr. Lambert has you arrested.
39:02We'll see. And don't leave Harvey waiting.
39:05Let him in and we'll see if he arrests me or not.
39:10Who are these men?
39:12Those are Vipers.
39:14They're the biggest gang south of the Mason-Dixon line.
39:17Marcus, you invited gang members?
39:19Well, somebody to keep in line your lying, thieving husband.
39:23These boys will take care of him for us.
39:25They'll take out the trash before Mr. Lambert gets here.
39:27Marcus, I've told you so many times.
39:30I'm everything that I claim to be and more.
39:32Just wait a minute until Harvey arrives.
39:34Damien, he stole my woman.
39:37So this is payback.
39:39These gangbangers are going to hang you upside down
39:42and bleed you out dry.
39:44Oh, the Vipers.
39:46I remember them now.
39:48They've been begging to use my company's weapons for years.
39:51Well, damn, Damien, I didn't realize how powerful you were.
39:54So let me get this.
39:56You're a billionaire, a spy and a CEO arms dealer?
40:03Now, have I got that right?
40:06In a nutshell, yeah.
40:11This is the lunatic I was talking about.
40:14He disrespected you.
40:15If Captain Brown heard anything you'd been saying, you'd be roadkill.
40:19Captain Brown, your biker gang leader?
40:22We've met.
40:24But I bet you he was too embarrassed to tell you.
40:27When I refused to do business with him,
40:29your fearless leader got down on his knees and begged like a dog.
40:33You're going to regret that.
40:37If you hurt her, I swear to God, let her go.
40:43You keep resisting, Princess, don't make it to the night.
40:46Stop taking it easy on him. What am I paying you for?
40:49Get him out of here.
40:51I'll see you later.
40:52Iris, it'll be okay.
40:54Move it.
40:59Marcus, what have you done?
41:01I took out the trash before Mr. Lambert could arrive.
41:04Hey, I did this for us.
41:13I rushed over like you asked, boss.
41:16Where's Harp?
41:20Oh, Mr. Lambert, in our house.
41:23What an honor.
41:25My God, what a dream.
41:27Mr. Lambert, you're like a business legend.
41:29It's a pleasure to meet you.
41:31Hi, Mr. Lambert, I'm Amanda.
41:33I work for your company.
41:35You're always so busy, so we've never really met.
41:38All right, all right, all right, not all at once.
41:41I can't respond to everybody all at the same time.
41:44Thank you for coming to our house to wish us Merry Christmas.
41:48Merry Christmas?
41:50I came to congratulate Iris.
41:53Iris? On what?
41:55On her wedding.
41:57Let me tell you, she married an incredible man.
42:00Oh, you must mean Marcus. Yes.
42:04Marcus and Iris aren't married. Not officially.
42:06Maybe not yet, anyway.
42:08Marcus? No.
42:10I'm talking about Mr. Blaine.
42:12Damien Blaine.
42:14Where is he?
42:26Boys, piece of advice.
42:29When you abduct someone, tie them up.
42:33For a weakling like you?
42:39There's no need.
42:41Okay.
42:43I have places I need to be.
42:46So call your gang leader, Brown.
42:48Let's get this over with once and for all.
42:50Who the hell do you think you are?
42:52Mr. Blaine. Mr. Blaine.
42:54Hey, I'm David Brown. I'm the head of the Viper MC.
42:57You are a hard man to get a hold of.
42:59But I need access to Atlas Guns.
43:02My guys are counting on me. I'll pay double.
43:04The Vipers?
43:06You can buy weapons anywhere, biker.
43:08Why Atlas Arms?
43:10Because they're the best.
43:12Look, we're in the middle of a turf war right now.
43:14And my guys need the best, or we're going to take some heavy-ass losses.
43:17Name your price. I'll triple it.
43:19Mr. Blaine.
43:21Name your price. I'll triple it.
43:23Mr. Blaine has presidents and prime ministers on speed dial.
43:26He doesn't need your business.
43:29He doesn't want your business.
43:32Hey, Mr. Blaine, you gotta help me.
43:34Come on, Mr. Blaine.
43:36Fuck!
43:38Brown would kill all of you if he knew what you were doing.
43:41Shut up, bitch.
43:43One more word, and we'll blow your damn brains out.
43:48Not so tough now, huh?
43:51The Vipers are the biggest gang in this state.
43:54One word from them, they'll kill your whole family.
43:58Seems like your family hates you.
44:01We could kill you.
44:03No one even care.
44:05And with you out of the picture,
44:07I'm gonna swoop in and bet your wife
44:10you lay even one finger on her.
44:12Oh, I bet she could take more than one finger.
44:16She's gonna love it.
44:18There's nothing a poor cuck like you can do about it.
44:31Where'd a loser like you learn to do that?
44:33Take him down!
44:35But I don't think he's a loser like Marcus said.
44:38He's got skills and training.
44:40Who are you?
44:42Hey, he's a nobody.
44:44You're a loser.
44:46I'm the man your boss got on his knees to beg to.
44:49And he'll be very angry to know how you treated me.
44:52Who am I, you ask?
44:54I'm Damien Blaine, CEO of Atlas Defense Corps.
44:58Nice to meet you, assholes.
45:06Where is the man of the hour?
45:08Your husband.
45:10Mr. Blaine.
45:11Marcus and the Vipers took him.
45:13Taken?
45:14By the Vipers?
45:16Why?
45:17Because Marcus said he stole from you.
45:20Marcus said that Damien stole from me.
45:23Yeah, is that a problem?
45:25Oh, Mr. Lambert, I'm sorry.
45:27I think there's been a miscommunication.
45:28Please, sit.
45:30We can talk this over.
45:31Damien, he's just a loser.
45:33No, no, no, no, no.
45:34You're a den of fools.
45:36Ignorance.
45:38Wait, wait.
45:39Where are you going?
45:40To fix your catastrophic screw-up.
45:42I'm gonna go get Damien Blaine.
45:45Iris, this is your fault.
45:48I told you Damien was trouble.
45:50He stole from Mr. Lambert, and now he's dragging us all down.
45:54Well, Damien's a dead man walking.
45:56Mr. Lambert practically just screamed at us for knowing him.
45:59You all heard what you wanted to hear.
46:01Iris, come back. It's Christmas.
46:02Where the hell do you think you're going?
46:04To save my husband.
46:06Oh, in the Viper pit?
46:08No, I forbid it.
46:13Mr. Lambert, Merry Christmas.
46:16I was not expecting your call.
46:18Does this mean Mr. Blaine has agreed to our arms deal?
46:21Deal?
46:22Your gang of morons at half-widths abducted him.
46:25Shit.
46:26I'll fix it.
46:28Yes, you will.
46:31Mr. Lambert, this was not my doing.
46:33It is your problem.
46:35Get Mr. Blaine outside.